Originally Posted by hiswife
From what you describe, it really sounds like he has more of gay tendancies. Perhaps it is my perception. NOT enough of the women that I have dated want what you want. And the guy losing an errection with a hot woman ? I wonder if he is losing that hard on with a guy. I say, "SEEK and you will find."
Naturally, that's my opinion.
Been discussed- no he has never lost an erection with the men.
Hi there from Ohio also bi married man also and would love to chat
Welcome Hard Man...think up a subject and post it; there'll be someone who will want to share their thoughts with you.
Few experiences in my 20's - few more early 30's and now in that Tidal Wave of craving it! I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with decreasing testosterone? When taking TRT I do not all out desire bi experiences - when my Testosterone is low I become a bi-fanatic! Don't get me wrong, I am bi and that has nothing to do with the low T, but when it's lower I am more apt to express my desires and act on them.
For myself I have been bi curious seems my teens but out of fear of family or friends finding out and a internal battle on the moral sin part of the issue I just never moved forward with it. It has truly been a frustration in my life. Now that I am a little older my thinking has changed I steal wouldn't want family or friends to find out because of the pain and embarrassment it would bring. But as far as the moral side I don't see how all the kinky stuff I have done and enjoyed with a bunch of different women could be any more or less moral then the things I'd like to try with a man
Pehaps it is just my interpretation, but perhaps there was something going on long ago with the hubby of "hiswife" ? Maybe the guy was actually gay all along and was leading a lie ? Like I said. I don't know the situation. Just a possibility.
I am older now than i was then, i seem to have more male male sex as well. About 4 to 1 ratio. I'm not knocking it either.
i have lost erections but i have found a few in my bum when that happens....lol
To answer your question. I believe it "could" be that many men, married or not, have tried just about everything & anything they can with a number of women, or just one if in a faithful relationship. Therefore, the mind tends to wonder about things they haven't tried, maybe what it's like to feel a hard cock sliding through their lips, or how it would feel playing the womans role with a man. With some people, maybe like yourself as you have had this desire since your teens, have wanted to explore those three female genes that all us men have inside the same as all the women have three male genes inside them too. Hope this helps with your confusion
Lately, I have difficulty getting an erection and keeping it when trying to have obligatory sex with her. Maybe it's because I don't find her that attractive anymore or that plain vanilla sex is just so dull that I almost hate it. I have no difficulty getting hard when flying solo and usually my most mind blowing orgasms occur when fantasizing about one of my past gay encounters. It seems I have crossed over further on the gay side over the years, but that might not be entirely due to age as it is deprevation of m/m contact.
I hope so
..okay, okay - except in the case where they really do want to remain faithful to their wife.. Growing up in a divorced family I am not a big fan of cheating.
He's strictly a top.. so he has said he's never lost an erection- I asked.i have lost erections but i have found a few in my bum when that happens....lol
Oh dude- I was all over his cock, big tits rubbing against him, tight round ass up in the air, begging for him to put it in.. immediately went limp. Then a couple times sucking his dick he made mention - men do it better and I could take lessons..of course he wasn't meaning any harmWhen we were with the cpl he lost interest in the woman which was very erotic I might add - yet when her husband touched his cock he "perked" right up!
I get confused because he's all the time now (like the last couple months) trying to have sex with me since he found out about my experience without him. Yes we declared an open marriage but he was the only one enjoying and every time I discussed meeting someone he pulled the reigns back..after several times - I said fuck it and just went. Got tired of being a yoyo.. He just found out and since has been even more controlling, jealous and possessive, scared of losing me. And quiet frankly because I've been on this emotional roller coaster with him more so recently with him being allowed and me not.. I haven't wanted to be intimate. He feels rejected but damn - that's how I've felt over the last 5 years by him while he's been hiding behind me. And at this very moment still gets defensive and adamant he is ONLY bi. I truly don't give a shit what the hell he is.. just stop toying with the playing grounds!
Wow hiswife, I didn't know you were in an open relationship. At least the way you describe it sounds very unfair to you. Does he still love you? Do you still feel love for him? If he was willing to admit that he doesn't want to lose the marriage because he genuinely loves you that's one thing but right now he sounds desperate to prove something to either you or himself, or maybe both.
Men do it better? Well, I know some men who are very talented and some who know nothing but are eager to try to please. I don't do oral for just anyone - if he would have said that to me I think that would be the end of "happy fun time" for me. I mean "Stop", "Do this" or gently pulling you away and giving you a soft kiss maybe, but "Men do it better?" Umm "Gee thanks hon!" Okay, maybe I'm being unfair if he was nervous.
Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him, sex does not come with instruction manuals. Would you be willing to tell him something like, "It's okay (if you like guys)" and see how he responds? You can see his obvious reaction with others but maybe it's something that he's still not ready to admit. Is there some other stress between the both of you that makes it hard to concentrate on being intimate with each other? (stupid question perhaps)
Despite the issues you are both struggling with he may in fact, really, really want your marriage to work - but being selfish or jealous or controlling is not the way to show love and caring. Being honest and simply admitting that he wants it to work or simply admitting what he feels would be a good start to an honest conversation. He may be afraid of how you will react, but controlling how you act is not his prerogative
It doesn't seem fair that you both can't share SOMETHING .. even if that's looking at amateur porn or something. Some ladies find the thought of two guys sort of a turn on. It might be interesting to see if he likes straight amateur porn too.. I hate the "pro" stuff myself - way too fake.
The old saying is that if you love something, set it free - and if it comes back to you then you will know the love is true.. Love cannot flourish if it is strangled.
Last edited by elian; Dec 20, 2012 at 10:46 PM.
"Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him"
Elian
Remember that we are hearing /reading only one side of this story. One perspective of a double sided conflict. Until the husband appears and agrees with her, there is another side to her situation that we are unaware of.
Hiswife- I got a boner just reading your post up there about those big tits and tight round ass of yours. I checked your profile pics and you are HOT. I also found myself aroused checking out women at the mall today wearing those tight stretch pants without panty lines and every curvy detail of their sexy female bodies revealed, practically. Yet I just recently bumped my Kinsey rating from 3 to 4. Obviously, I have problems....but if my wife was even a little bit like you , everything would probably be perfect.
It sounds like knows what a treasure you are but is afraid you'll leave him since he can't even get hard fot you or apparently any woman at the moment.
I got a hard on thinking about hotwife's ass the the air also. Buy maybe the hubby needs to get pegged and see if he still has that raging erection.
I was trying to offer some support to hiswife if she feels unappreciated but it is true that life is a lot more complicated than what a person can write in a forum post.
I would like to hear the guy's side of it too. Jealousy at least demonstrates that he wants her, I just hope that it's because of genuine love and not for a selfish reason.
Jealously seldom helps anyone if it is followed up by physical or emotional threats..hopefully it hasn't gotten like that.
I have grown up in and around enough abusive relationships in my life that my tolerance for that sort of bullshit is very low. Perfectly fine to have empathy for both of them but if the guy thinks he can control anyone but himself he is not thinking clearly. If you both treat each other the right and proper way in a relationship there is no NEED to control the other person because they are an active participant out of wanting to be in relationship with you.
Last edited by elian; Dec 21, 2012 at 10:44 AM.
Hiswife,
I hate to be catty, but by using terms that refer to your ass as tight, round and up in the air and with references to your "big tits rubbing against him", it sounds to me as if you are trying to elicit sexual responses from this forum as opposed to obtaining support for your issues with your husband. This relationship sounds a bit bogus to me....but if it is not, then you need to walk away. You don't love him...he thinks he owns you......you play games with his emotions......he is not satisfying you sexually (remembering your very descriptive post detailing your sexual preferences....again, descriptive in an attempt to elicit response)....why stick around? If I sound catty...then I guess I can just say "Meow!"
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
C. S. Lewis
I can certainly relate to this thread. When in my young teens, I was curious about being with another boy my age. Came close couple times. Only thing that held me back was he was very large while mine was certainly smaller. Was ashamed to show mine, but loved seeing his. Then thru 20's and on, feelings for another man never surfaced until I hit 50. From then on, I fantasize about being with other men, masturbate to the idea, but being married, it won't happen. Never spoke about this in the open before.
I wonder if anyone can be "TURNED gay/bi" if they are not predisposed to being that way? Even without any previous experiences, couldn't a person still have hidden thoughts and desires about same-gender sexual interactions?
I don't know, personally, because as far as I know, I have always been attracted to both genders. I just wonder if someone, who has never considered being intimate with someone of the same sex, could they all of a sudden wake up with that on their bucket list?
I'm new here so please bear with me if I stumble around here until I get my footing. Thanks.
After reading the post by "hiswife', I'd say maybe he's always been more gay than straight and now perhaps the eroticism of same gender sex is the only thing that gets him going, personally speaking, my first experience with a man was MANY years after my first experience with a woman, (which I regret). However, when I'm attracted to a man or a woman these days, I am totally ready to go to town and I never had any performance issues with a woman just because I discovered how hot sex with another man can be.
Wife lost interest, didn't want the complcations and risks of female possessiveness, territorialism, jelousy, demands -- men are simpler and safer.
I think it is pretty natural for children who are curious about their bodies to play doctor, and as a teen one of the most confusing but erotic things I've experienced was being kissed "out of the blue" by two boys in high school that I thought were straight..one of them right in the middle of the whole locker room. I just sat there a little confused. Obviously at least a few boys picked up body language or whatever I was putting out there, I couldn't tell you if they grew up to be straight or not because I lost touch with them. As far as I know it was only that one time they tried something like that.
After the hormones subside I believe a combination of predisposition, environment and learned behavior have an influence on where a person "settles" their gender role and sexual preference.
..and yes, I had plenty of -thoughts- without physical experience...I was reading "vampire novels" and watching a certain genre of romantic movies 20 years before they became in vogue with teens, imagining myself in the submissive role. Come to think of it, my physical experience still isn't 100% compliant with my self image but that's okay - I still have a lot to learn..
Last edited by elian; Dec 22, 2012 at 4:38 PM.
Hiswife- if he says men do it better, and you are open to it, maybe you should have him set up a tutor for you? Someone that can give you lessons right there in front of (on) him. Another thought, if you are willing to give it a go, maybe try a gender reversal on your part, dress, act, wear an appendage, like a man and see if he can enjoy you and the same sex attraction at the same time?
Isu - I'm interested in the low-T concept. After having some bi thoughts several years ago, I also started seeing some lack luster or short lived erections. I had a Dr. check my T level, but they were reports as "normal", which is a sliding scale depending on age. How often do you check/adjust for your low-T to correlate the changes in desire? Where are your numbers compared to the age-defined normal when you feel bi-fanatic vs. when you do not feel all out bi?
i wish there were more open discussions and research on this. I wonder if anyone will creat a T test like some of the more typical tests out there for other things, like blood sugar, drugs, etc.
I always thought myself that perhaps it is waning testosterone that influences older men to "turn" bi but I can see there is a variety of thought by the responses above. Lack of intimate desire by the wife seems to be #2 (whether that's fair or realistic I don't know).
I have never really FULLY identified as male by all the stereotypical ways our culture suggests but I obviously have a dick. I can't tell you how much of that is learned and how much is biological.
If a testosterone supplement was available, would you take it? Perhaps an interesting question for a new thread topic..
Last edited by elian; Dec 22, 2012 at 4:59 PM.
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” Wilde
"I like the pole & the hole."
Better Duck, Dafy...surely Fran is gonna get on your case for that one!
Testosterone supplements ARE available, but probably expensive and have side effects. I considered it, but I only think it's a problem when I'm with her. It will be interesting to see if I can't perform so well with other women too, but I doubt it.
Anyone suddenly go str8 after testosterone replacement therapy? You're right elian....need a new thread for this.
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