Have a "friend with benefits" that i've seen off an on for 20 years. See him a few times a year anymore. Works for both of us.
Have a "friend with benefits" that i've seen off an on for 20 years. See him a few times a year anymore. Works for both of us.
I wish
I have had one of those for almost a year now, and it is very nice! The randoms can be fun too..but it's not the same.
Oh wow, this thread makes me feel sad for the unsuspecting wives at home that get cheated on. Surely they don't deserve such treatment.
I also have a 'special' friend. I've been with him coming up 7 years. We are in such a strong relationship. He is the top in the relationship and I am the bottom. It worked out really well. Even though we have the most amazing sex, our sex is 2D. We like to make it 3D or 4D, to escalate it to an even higher level, with the addition of a 3rd or even 4th. I have never had better sex. It's been an amazing journey.Originally Posted by secret.bisexual
Women after child birth or menupause sometimes are no longer interested in sex or do not have a strong desire for sex. I don't know but that's what I was told. Men often like sex just for recreation with no intention to fall in love. That's why men are from Mars and women from Venus. We are made differently. Men cheating on their wives not for other women. They need male bonding which a woman cannot give them. As for my relationship with my 'special friend', he is not interested to fool around behind his wife with another woman. He didn't need another woman. He is interested in sex with men. It's different. The same sex knows what the same sex needs. He is having sex with men for what a woman could not provide him. It's a diversion.
What you just said did not help matters.It only further proved my opinions, and judgements.I pretty sure you are happy in your relationship,because you are with another man.So of course you two would have the perfect sex lives, and perfect relationship. And just because a woman was born without a dick does not mean that she deserves to get cheated by her heartless husband. It's not right.And do your friends wife a favor and tell her to divorce her husband, if she does not know that her husband is GAY.Please make it known that her husband is GAY soon please.And if women are so fucking terrible at sex, then these men should not pursue a relationship with a woman.
And again like I said earlier.These women do not deserve to be cheated on,just for the mere fact she's a woman.Cheating is bad,but somehow in my opinion(Yes I am going to say it,and people can get mad at me all they want to, and I won't take it back) it's waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, ten times, worse for a woman to be cheated on by her husband with another man.And I know with you being a gay man you could care less about a woman, but it hurts just in case you did not know.
BV
I do not know what these women deserves and nor do you.
Cheating is bad. That is not the topic of this thread.
I've read several posts and none referred to cheating. You do not know what arrangements have been agreed to.
You are off topic.
You do not seem to like men very much. The question is to bi married guys. You are not a guy. You are not married. This thread is not for you. Show some respect for bi men that you know nothing about.
Last edited by tenni; Aug 21, 2012 at 2:25 PM.
Tenni. I am reading the thread correctly. Granted some did not say no such thing but I am talking the others. And what makes you think I dislike men? I have a very strong male influence in my life,so you thinking that I hate men is absurd.
And if you would have notice I was not speaking for the bi men, I would never do that. I was speaking for the women.
Are you not posting for yourself? You do not represent women.
This thread is about bi married men and their regular friends with benefits. It is not cheating or women. Start your own thread on those topics.
Your postings continue to follow a troll like practice attempting to take threads off topic. Your posts indicate a distrust of men and a dislike of bimen imo.
Your posting behaviour on this thread is equivalent to a man going posting on the women and porn thread posting some off topic comment when the thread is intended for women and not men.
Ok, I have to say something about your post. I completely understand your need to be with other men. So that isn't the issue. There are many posts detailing how women freak out when they find out that their men are involved with other men....how the women have all of these unfounded fears about their husbands leaving them, contracting a disease, having their lives hijacked by a man that never truly loved them, wondering if they are lacking in some way, etc etc.
Many bisexual men are open and upfront about their sexuality and needs before they get serious with a woman or when they discover their feelings toward men after they have established a relationship with her. They love her and want her to know who they truly are and more times than not ,want her to participate in that part of their lives. Guys with your approach make it harder for honest men who want to have a woman in their lives. I've read so many posts on here about men who are open and honest from the beginning or as soon as they discover who they truly are and they catch major hell. Why? Because there are women out their with husbands or lovers that have treated them in the manner that you have described. Trust me when I tell you, most women don't want choice taken away from them...especially when it comes to who they share their lives with. With choice comes freedom. A guy's fear of rejection, potential change of family dynamic, etc.. doesn't trump honesty. I truly believe honesty leads to freedom for all involved. It is an absolute right for us all to decide what life we lead and with whom we take that journey with. How insulting and board line misogynistic. You have listed some lame excuses in order to get away with living a lie and being a cheater. There is absolutely no excuse for women to be marginalized and relegated to little more than a sexless, emotionally compromised heap that has little concern for her man's sexual needs. Most women don't fall into those categories and for the small percentage that do.... they still deserve the truth. If we are to be in relationships, we deserve respect and we have to give it.
So a bi guy has a right to complain about women with unfounded negative ideas about bi men when he is honest about who he is, but if someone with your point of view thinks to voice your opinion on it, I do suggest you keep it to yourself.
UMMMMMM Tenni re-read what you just wrote.Some of these men have fwb, on the side without their wives knowing,so therefore some of thse guys are having with another man.And believe me I am no troll. And, yes I have a distrust of men, and especially bi men,shouldn't every self-respecting woman feel the the same?
I thought I was the only one who had a problem with his post. I agree with you 110% that he can represent what women think of bisexual men.
Wait a mo! Your here to learn about bi males for your friend, but if they don't say what you want to hear, you tell them to shut up?
Alloiledup posted a pretty accurate account of why SOME bi males who cheat, don't even consider it to be cheating. It's not exscusing or denying anything! It's just how SOME think. Sex IS recreational, and even though trust isn't as trivial, to many there's just nothing to declare that their partner would understand.
I agree with you Gear. Alloiledup has reported about the section of men who turn to men due to their female partner refusing to have sex. I've met middle aged men who are in sexless marriages where they have not had sex with their female partner for seven to ten years. Sexually, the marriage is dead but the relationship is otherwise working for both of them. Their relationship works for them as long as the woman doesn't have to have sex or talk about the lack of sex in their twenty to thirty year relationship.
Again though, this thread is not about why. If it was about why, the why is why do men feel that they need a friend with benefits? The OP makes no reference to his status. He makes reference that he believes that having a friend with benefits is safer and that he had a friend with benefit relationship for three years. I agree with him.
Judging females and males need not apply. There is enough judgment about bisexuals from heteros, asexuals and gays away from a bisexual site.
Last edited by tenni; Aug 22, 2012 at 9:09 AM.
I know being a man is your chief interest tenni.. but it isn't all a one way street.. there are as many women, highly sexed and eager for their shag, whose man has as much interest in having sex with her than he has with the family dog. (ok I know there are some who dont mind it with the family dog.. but u know what I mean)..
...u make it sound that women become crusty dried up old bags at a certain age which for many just isn't the case.. for most I would argue.. what people do is for them to decide, and women are no less randy than men in general at any age and at times in their lives often a bloody sight more so.. I have no idea how I would react if my sex life dried up but I am sure as hell positive I would be less than happy and a promise I am determined to keep would be under even more stress than it is now... I need more than my own fingers to keep me happy.. and even Rog and Sybina and their chums could not entirely comfort me.. and Kate is a pretty highly sexed girl too.. she may prefer monogamy but I know only too well her principles would be under severe strain if I went off my frequent and regular bowls of oats.. .so I understand what you are saying and sympathise with any man who isn't getting it at home as I do any woman no matter the gender of her partner...
I know the title of the thread is about men but sometimes on this site we are too male oriented and so much applies to both genders... this subject is one.
Last edited by darkeyes; Aug 22, 2012 at 9:33 AM.
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
That is all fine for you darkeyes. It has nothing to do with the ideas behind this post.
Clearly not all women become dried up hags in their older years. Some do. It is their male partner that is seeking a friend with benefits situation.
ahh but it does tenni babes.. u r just too blind 2 c it...
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
As I have posted before, this is not a safe site for bisexual men to discuss their sexuality and needs. Women seem to believe that they may interject on any thread and make judgments and insults. I'm not too blind babes. It is different perspectives. Your comments have nothing to do with a man's desire for a friend with benefits. They might have something to do with a woman's lack of desire to have a friend with benefits with another woman or desire to have a friend with benefits period.
I am 49 and have been out to my very understanding wife for a little over ten years now. I have been looking for the kind of LTR male lover for the better part of 15 years and simpely never had any luck. While I have enjoyed the occassional brief encounter they leave me cold. I need to get to know a person, male or female, and actually like them for intimacy to be fulfilling for me. I guess that's a big impediment in my search. Also, as I'll bet we have all experienced, there is a ton of flakey people in this world. Even after I came out to her I often didn't discuss proposed meetings that were planned with her because so many of them simply evaporated without any result. We talk about every one now, not that there are very many to discuss, and she gives me moral-boosting support. I live in the 4th largest city in the US and I'm still trying to understand why what I seek is so damned elusive.
*laffs*.. right tenni have it ur own way.. its rubbish, but u believe it, so it must be right...
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
There is no need for me to rehash my last post. I addressed the issues to Alloiledup's post that deeply underestimates a large percentage of the female population. We all should be honest about what we want and need and there is not excuse for cheating and marginalizing a partner with whom you are sharing a life . FACT: It takes two people to make a relationship work. We have a duty to a partner to be honest and open about who we are and what activities we engage. NO IDEOLOGY TRUMPS THAT. I know there are people that post on a daily basis and smack down anything that goes against their one-sided view. That's just status quo here. I equate that behavior to cramps. You know that ridiculousness is coming but it can be put in its place.
Vuillardgr if you only listen to yourself, that's all your going to get. But let me whisper into that tight little straightjacket of denial: "That's not the ideology of the cheaters! Monogamy has never trumped what it created".
Aren't you cute. Before you wink too hard, let me inform you of something. I never said monogamy trumped anything. This isn't about monogamy.Your daily attempts at twisting other people's words to suit your agenda are somewhat comical and completely trite. I said honesty is of the utmost importance in any relationship. Whether it be mono, poly, hetero, bi, etc... I've said this numerous times. You just choose to believe or pretend to believe that I am insinuating monogamy is for everyone. Someone's relationship dynamic is irrelevant as far as I am concerned. We all have to live our lives how we see fit. However, it is important to inform our partner of who we are and what we are doing! No amount of verbal gymnastics is going to negate that fact. Being open and honest is something we have to do in any relationship. There is no excuse for lies and cheating. A whisper for you: Skewed opinion, fear, and selfishness shouldn't impede on a partner's need to know.Vuillardgr if you only listen to yourself, that's all your going to get. But let me whisper into that tight little straightjacket of denial: "That's not the ideology of the cheaters! Monogamy has never trumped what it created".
Well that's marvelous that monogamy is out of the way. I agree that honesty is the most important thing too, and neither partner should feel they need to lie or withhold the truth from the other etc. Unfortunatly that isn't always the case in every situation, and despite our best intentions we err, and we make do with fuzzy logic.
Why that's not prevented right at the start of the relationship is beyond me. But it happens still.
You realy got this ideology thing about cheating and lying all messed up. I'd advise listening to the cheaters, and those who explain different perceptions to you, but you need to quit trying to bully people into silence for that to work. Your judging something that your not prepared to understand. That's just blind denial and utterly snide of you.
Try the truth, it'll set you free.
Its sad how "some women" think that their words are needed on a thread like this. Only one post in the past 26 posts are actually on topic of the thread...The others are from women who feel the urgency to make some off topic statement about men or men countering them (including my posts) ........FEK
Last edited by tenni; Aug 22, 2012 at 9:24 PM.
[QUOTE=Gearbox;236619]Well that's marvelous that monogamy is out of the way. I agree that honesty is the most important thing too, and neither partner should feel they need to lie or withhold the truth from the other etc. Unfortunatly that isn't always the case in every situation, and despite our best intentions we err, and we make do with fuzzy logic.
Why that's not prevented right at the start of the relationship is beyond me. But it happens still.
You realy got this ideology thing about cheating and lying all messed up. I'd advise listening to the cheaters, and those who explain different perceptions to you, but you need to quit trying to bully people into silence for that to work. Your judging something that your not prepared to understand. That's just blind denial and utterly snide of you.
Try the truth, it'll set you free.
Let's just get this bullying nonsense done with now... You and a few others are the bullies on this site. Everyday, you pounce on people who don't agree with your point of view. So your distraction tactic of accusing me of something you practice without fail is insane. Telling the plain truth isn't bullying.
Now, we all have different perceptions of the truth in certain situations. And yes, it would be so much easier for us to split hairs and give half truths or none at all in order to square away our actions. Problem with that is when it comes to our partner, it is completely disrespectful to sell them short and lie about who we are and what we do. Now you can call me whatever you like, but it still doesn't erase the need for honesty and communication in relationships.
The truth will set us all free?!! Really, I wasn't aware of that fact... wait a second.. actually I AM!! That's what I've been posting all day. You are the one offering excuses as to why to keep secrets and cheat.
What's next? Oh , sometimes its easier on the partner to not know. Who are we to assume for anyone what's best for them? Yeah its easier for the one who is keeping secrets. Sure there are people out their that would prefer to keep their head in the sand but the majority need and want to know. Choice can't be taken away. If someone tells their partner they need and desire to be with others and that person tells them not to mention it again. Then that's another can of worms. The partner being truthful didn't take knowledge and choice away because it would have been easier.. if their partner chooses not to know of the sexual activity, then so be it. He/She is aware of their partner's needs and desires but CHOOSES not to discuss and be aware of their lover's actions. BEING IN THE KNOW , CHOICE, RESPECT, AND CONSTANT COMMUNICATION..... you can't strong arm and bully those things away ...now, you enjoy your night.
Of course the day wouldn't be complete without your special brand of tunnel vision and misogyny. The predictability of your way.....aww... It's right on time! LOLIts sad how "some women" think that their words are needed on a thread like this. Only one post in the past 26 posts are actually on topic of the thread...The others are from women who feel the urgency to make some off topic statement about men or men countering them (including my posts) ........FEK
See , you make comments on most if not all of my posts. You have started posts and I don't feel the need to comment on what you say all the time. You still have issues with stalking. It's sad and a bit disturbing. No one is safe from your vicious tirades. Yet, never fear... it doesn't deter me or others in the least. The way you speak to people is disgusting.
Off topic ? !! You are the master of going off topic to suit your own views. I address the issues of the post. You start attacking when the truth doesn't correlate with what you choose to believe. That isn't my problem and your aggressive tactics don't frighten me. We have been through this already.
So I'll use the word that you used to describe my thoughts but it really pertains to yours: Inconsequential
Look sweetheart, your trying to BS people who have a scroller bar on their screens. We can see where you came in the thread to complain to Alloiledup and then 'suggest' he keeps his opinion to himself, even though he is LIVING what the thread is about. Maybe the contentment there is too much of a good advert for 'cheating' for you? That's not Alloiledup's fault.
Neither of us know the details about all relationships where one decides it's better to cheat. You may say that it's NEVER better to cheat for ANYBODY. But sadly that isn't the case for all. Neither is it a mark of somebody who doesn't respect and love their partner. That's just not as easy to cut as it may seem for some.Now, we all have different perceptions of the truth in certain situations. And yes, it would be so much easier for us to split hairs and give half truths or none at all in order to square away our actions. Problem with that is when it comes to our partner, it is completely disrespectful to sell them short and lie about who we are and what we do. Now you can call me whatever you like, but it still doesn't erase the need for honesty and communication in relationships.
Communication goes both ways, and as you may see by your own verssion of comunication, you try to cut out what goes against YOUR grain. So you could as yourself if it is wise for ALL to be honest with you, or tell you what you want to hear to keep you happy?
You actually suggested to Alloiledup NOT to be honest. Make up you mind!The truth will set us all free?!! Really, I wasn't aware of that fact... wait a second.. actually I AM!! That's what I've been posting all day. You are the one offering excuses as to why to keep secrets and cheat.
I't might do you good to meet a cheater and have a COMMUNICATION with him/her. See how long that lasts for you before the Sermon on The Mount kicks in, and communication rides off into the mirky fog.What's next? Oh , sometimes its easier on the partner to not know. Who are we to assume for anyone what's best for them? Yeah its easier for the one who is keeping secrets. Sure there are people out their that would prefer to keep their head in the sand but the majority need and want to know. Choice can't be taken away. If someone tells their partner they need and desire to be with others and that person tells them not to mention it again. Then that's another can of worms. The partner being truthful didn't take knowledge and choice away because it would have been easier.. if their partner chooses not to know of the sexual activity, then so be it. He/She is aware of their partner's needs and desires but CHOOSES not to discuss and be aware of their lover's actions. BEING IN THE KNOW , CHOICE, RESPECT, AND CONSTANT COMMUNICATION..... you can't strong arm and bully those things away ...now, you enjoy your night.
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