For those wondeing what biphobia is and what it looks like

[DuckiesDarling]

I'm sitting here reading some of the posts and wondering what the fuck it has to do with biphobia. Pepper, whether or not Void is disabled is not up to you or to any member of this forum to say whether it's a real claim or a fake claim. I don't care what 72% of the claims are, that still leaves 28% that are 100% valid. I'm on disability, I worked most of my adult life until I literally could not find a job anymore that I could perform so I went for disability. I just got out of a hospital stay where I damned near died due to my lung problem so I guess that would put me in your precious 28%. I hope that Void does get the help he needs, are there people who fudge the system? Hell, yeah. But in every system in any country due to any reason someone will fudge cause they can. That, unfortunately, is human nature. But the snap judgements that appear on this site are really beginning to bother me. No one here really knows someone else. You can't know what they are dealing with until you walk a mile in their shoes. What gets posted is a very small snapshot of life in the moment and even taking in every single post someone made on this site you still don't know the person.

Now as to the OP, I don't wonder what biphobia is or what it looks like, I see it every day on THIS SITE. How people are told they aren't bisexual if they aren't actually having sex or that they aren't bisexual if they are happy being in a monogamous relationship. It has to stop. At the end of the day the only people who know for sure who they are attracted to are the ones they face in the mirror. Not every discussion on this planet has to include a discussion about bisexuality, to say that anything doesn't include bi's is biphobic is ridiculous. Too often people want to be different while screaming they aren't different.. contradictory much? I think any recognition for alternate sexualities advances the cause of the entire LGBT. But you can't hold up 100 years of history and say it's biphobic cause they didn't specifically say Alexander The Great was bisexual just that he enjoyed sex with men and women. Alexander may have been bisexual or he may have just been sexual and didn't care who he fucked as long as he fucked which would make him PANSEXUAL not bi.. .but I guess that's bierasure too, eh :P

[pepperjack]

I'm sitting here reading some of the posts and wondering what the fuck it has to do with biphobia. Pepper, whether or not Void is disabled is not up to you or to any member of this forum to say whether it's a real claim or a fake claim. I don't care what 72% of the claims are, that still leaves 28% that are 100% valid. I'm on disability, I worked most of my adult life until I literally could not find a job anymore that I could perform so I went for disability. I just got out of a hospital stay where I damned near died due to my lung problem so I guess that would put me in your precious 28%. I hope that Void does get the help he needs, are there people who fudge the system? Hell, yeah. But in every system in any country due to any reason someone will fudge cause they can. That, unfortunately, is human nature. But the snap judgements that appear on this site are really beginning to bother me. No one here really knows someone else. You can't know what they are dealing with until you walk a mile in their shoes. What gets posted is a very small snapshot of life in the moment and even taking in every single post someone made on this site you still don't know the person.

Now as to the OP, I don't wonder what biphobia is or what it looks like, I see it every day on THIS SITE. How people are told they aren't bisexual if they aren't actually having sex or that they aren't bisexual if they are happy being in a monogamous relationship. It has to stop. At the end of the day the only people who know for sure who they are attracted to are the ones they face in the mirror. Not every discussion on this planet has to include a discussion about bisexuality, to say that anything doesn't include bi's is biphobic is ridiculous. Too often people want to be different while screaming they aren't different.. contradictory much? I think any recognition for alternate sexualities advances the cause of the entire LGBT. But you can't hold up 100 years of history and say it's biphobic cause they didn't specifically say Alexander The Great was bisexual just that he enjoyed sex with men and women. Alexander may have been bisexual or he may have just been sexual and didn't care who he fucked as long as he fucked which would make him PANSEXUAL not bi.. .but I guess that's bierasure too, eh :P

I'll be the first to agree that Void and I really strayed from the original topic. It just kind of evolved that way as threads often do. I guess you missed the part where I described the context of experiences that shaped my opinion and I'm now giving him the benefit of the doubt. And I don't know why you're becoming so indignant all of a sudden when the exchange between Void and I really doesn't concern you and we're trying to amicably work out our differences. It's like you're trying to resurrect a conflict that wants to die out.

[darkeyes]

I'll be the first to agree that Void and I really strayed from the original topic. It just kind of evolved that way as threads often do. I guess you missed the part where I described the context of experiences that shaped my opinion and I'm now giving him the benefit of the doubt. And I don't know why you're becoming so indignant all of a sudden when the exchange between Void and I really doesn't concern you and we're trying to amicably work out our differences. It's like you're trying to resurrect a conflict that wants to die out.

Pepper hun.. if it's posted in a thread it concerns ne who think it concerns them.. ur personal biz becomes every1's and fair game for comment upon.. personally it doesn't worry me that u strayed from the thread and cud c it was a personal issue tween the 2 ofya... cud if I had wished commented cos u and I are a mill miles apart on the issue of disability methinks (like on a few other issues but still likeya neway ya ole duffer *laffs*) but didn't cos it has nowt 2 do wiv thread and is ur own affair 2 sort out.. best do it privately huh?

[DuckiesDarling]

Pepper, I've been becoming indignant for quite awhile on here anytime one member tries to tell another what they are feeling, going through or attracted to. The judgements need to stop, the help, the advice, the support need to continue. Big difference, don't you see? In the one place where people come to find they aren't alone in this world, we should not be handing a checklist at the door asking intimate questions when the only person who needs to identify as bisexual is the person themselves.

[pepperjack]

Pepper, I've been becoming indignant for quite awhile on here anytime one member tries to tell another what they are feeling, going through or attracted to. The judgements need to stop, the help, the advice, the support need to continue. Big difference, don't you see? In the one place where people come to find they aren't alone in this world, we should not be handing a checklist at the door asking intimate questions when the only person who needs to identify as bisexual is the person themselves.

Fair enough; but alas, forming opinions and eventually passing judgment is unfortunately also an inescapable part of human nature. That's why this forum keeps accelerating forward. We bang up against each other here, rub off, and sometimes wind up being polished a little smoother in the aftermath.

[pepperjack]

Pepper hun.. if it's posted in a thread it concerns ne who think it concerns them.. ur personal biz becomes every1's and fair game for comment upon.. personally it doesn't worry me that u strayed from the thread and cud c it was a personal issue tween the 2 ofya... cud if I had wished commented cos u and I are a mill miles apart on the issue of disability methinks (like on a few other issues but still likeya neway ya ole duffer *laffs*) but didn't cos it has nowt 2 do wiv thread and is ur own affair 2 sort out.. best do it privately huh?

I know....once it's posted, it's on the net permanently. Can't help but feel there's a subtle hypocrisy going on here. It's as if those who have been following this thread & have been secretly entertained by the content Void & I have provided, are now taking a self-righteous stance and basically saying, " Ok, you two....get a room, settle it there." I'm just being "ornery" again Dark; the word means a playful, barbed sense of humor.

[tenni]

"Now as to the OP, I don't wonder what biphobia is or what it looks like, I see it every day on THIS SITE. How people are told they aren't bisexual if they aren't actually having sex or that they aren't bisexual if they are happy being in a monogamous relationship."

This seems not to be like anything that I have read on this site over the past six years but I may be wrong.

Have people written biphobic comments on this site?
Yes, I would agree that they have which is slightly different from the above statement.

2/ You are not bisexual unless you are having sex?
This is an interesting statement that I don't think that I read here before exactly like this. It is up for discussion as how much you are a happy bisexual imo. In other words, how you chose to live as a bisexual is unclear and no one way is best. Some (bisexuals and gays) state that all bisexuals should be publicly activist by declaring their sexuality..now that is different that the point though because proving you're bisexual in a sexual way publicly is frowned on....lol (man on one side of you and a woman on the other side all being sexually intimate)(partially kid'n).

If a person is attracted sexually to the same sex and the opposite sex, most would agree that the person is bisexual. The issue or an emotional attraction is generally not considered essential by most bisexuals but one person has claimed emotional attraction to both genders but not sexual attraction. (exceptionalities are just that)

If a person represses their sexual attraction to the same gender and does not act upon their attraction, there may be many observations made. Many posters have written about regretting denying their bisexuality and not acting on their sexual attraction to the same sex.(acting on opposite gender attraction is much more acceptable without stigma). They felt so much more fulfilled once they did become sexually active with the same gender. They were happier. So, you may be a bisexual but not a happy one if you do not fulfill your sexual desires. Others are happy having sex with just opposite genders.

3/ You are not bisexual if you are happy being in a monogamous relationship.
This statement again is something that I have not read on this site. It seems like an interpretation of what may have been posted? As a practioner of casual sex, I have felt more hostility towards my choice from those who speak about bisexuals being capable of being in a monogamous relationship. Of course, bisexuals may be completely happy in a monogamous relationship but many, many are not. Many need sexual gratification from both genders to be happy. Both positions are valid and one should not cancel out the other.

I am uncertain if point 3 is biphobic. Stating that all bisexuals are promiscuous and spread disease is biphobic though imo. Stating that women should not have sex with all bisexual men to avoid AIDS is biphobic imo. Stating that most bisexuals are in monogamous relationships and happy is questionable. Stating that bisexuals in monogamous relationships are not happy is also questionable BUT some bisexuals are not happy in monogamous relationships and that has been stated frequently on this site.

Such beliefs that bisexuals are really mostly monogamous is prejudicial towards bisexuals who wish multi partners imo and I have read a frequent poster make such a statement on this site. Bisexuals are happy in a variety of lifestyles from monogamous to poly to casual sex with both genders is perhaps closer to a reality. Are more bisexuals monogamous and happy than not? I don't know but suspect that a lot of bisexuals are happy in monogamous relationships. Whether it is the majority one way or the other, I have no idea but suspect that bisexuals are not completely fulfilled happy in monogamous relationships. Some bisexuals may be serial monogamists whose partners may change from one gender to the other is also another possibility(Anne Heeist? married a man then divorced to then be a partner of Ellen Degeneres and then married a man again) That however is just my opinion and I may change it next week..lol

[DuckiesDarling]

"Now as to the OP, I don't wonder what biphobia is or what it looks like, I see it every day on THIS SITE. How people are told they aren't bisexual if they aren't actually having sex or that they aren't bisexual if they are happy being in a monogamous relationship."

This seems not to be like anything that I have read on this site over the past six years but I may be wrong.

Have people written biphobic comments on this site?
Yes, I would agree that they have which is slightly different from the above statement.

2/ You are not bisexual unless you are having sex?
This is an interesting statement that I don't think that I read here before exactly like this. It is up for discussion as how much you are a happy bisexual imo. In other words, how you chose to live as a bisexual is unclear and no one way is best. Some (bisexuals and gays) state that all bisexuals should be publicly activist by declaring their sexuality..now that is different that the point though because proving you're bisexual in a sexual way publicly is frowned on....lol (man on one side of you and a woman on the other side all being sexually intimate)(partially kid'n).

If a person is attracted sexually to the same sex and the opposite sex, most would agree that the person is bisexual. The issue or an emotional attraction is generally not considered essential by most bisexuals but one person has claimed emotional attraction to both genders but not sexual attraction. (exceptionalities are just that)

If a person represses their sexual attraction to the same gender and does not act upon their attraction, there may be many observations made. Many posters have written about regretting denying their bisexuality and not acting on their sexual attraction to the same sex.(acting on opposite gender attraction is much more acceptable without stigma). They felt so much more fulfilled once they did become sexually active with the same gender. They were happier. So, you may be a bisexual but not a happy one if you do not fulfill your sexual desires. Others are happy having sex with just opposite genders.

3/ You are not bisexual if you are happy being in a monogamous relationship.
This statement again is something that I have not read on this site. It seems like an interpretation of what may have been posted? As a practioner of casual sex, I have felt more hostility towards my choice from those who speak about bisexuals being capable of being in a monogamous relationship. Of course, bisexuals may be completely happy in a monogamous relationship but many, many are not. Many need sexual gratification from both genders to be happy. Both positions are valid and one should not cancel out the other.

I am uncertain if point 3 is biphobic. Stating that all bisexuals are promiscuous and spread disease is biphobic though imo. Stating that women should not have sex with all bisexual men to avoid AIDS is biphobic imo. Stating that most bisexuals are in monogamous relationships and happy is questionable. Stating that bisexuals in monogamous relationships are not happy is also questionable BUT some bisexuals are not happy in monogamous relationships and that has been stated frequently on this site.

Such beliefs that bisexuals are really mostly monogamous is prejudicial towards bisexuals who wish multi partners imo and I have read a frequent poster make such a statement on this site. Bisexuals are happy in a variety of lifestyles from monogamous to poly to casual sex with both genders is perhaps closer to a reality. Are more bisexuals monogamous and happy than not? I don't know but suspect that a lot of bisexuals are happy in monogamous relationships. Whether it is the majority one way or the other, I have no idea but suspect that bisexuals are not completely fulfilled happy in monogamous relationships. Some bisexuals may be serial monogamists whose partners may change from one gender to the other is also another possibility(Anne Heeist? married a man then divorced to then be a partner of Ellen Degeneres and then married a man again) That however is just my opinion and I may change it next week..lol

Okay who are you and what have you done with Tenni? You are the one who over the last few years have completely slammed those who are happy in monogamous relationships and who has pretty much insisted if someone wasn't out actively having sex they couldn't call themselves bisexual. That is in a lot of your responses on this site over the past years, Tenni. I'm glad you seem to have finally understood that life is up to the individual themselves to live but to try to erase history is not a good thing, the fact you have grown past the initial prejudices is amazing but please do not treat the rest of us as stupid who do remember the many allegations of "forced" monogamy and other things. I'm willing to forget but not if you keep insisting you never did something...cause it's right there in black and white in past posts...

[darkeyes]

"Now as to the OP, I don't wonder what biphobia is or what it looks like, I see it every day on THIS SITE. How people are told they aren't bisexual if they aren't actually having sex or that they aren't bisexual if they are happy being in a monogamous relationship."

This seems not to be like anything that I have read on this site over the past six years but I may be wrong.

Have people written biphobic comments on this site?
Yes, I would agree that they have which is slightly different from the above statement.

2/ You are not bisexual unless you are having sex?
This is an interesting statement that I don't think that I read here before exactly like this except that for it to be true, it presumably would refer to sex with people of both genders.. this may or may not have been said specifically but inferred, I am unable to remember but probably it was...

3/ You are not bisexual if you are happy being in a monogamous relationship.
This statement again is something that I have not read on this site. It seems like an interpretation of what may have been posted? ....

I am uncertain if point 3 is biphobic. Stating that all bisexuals are promiscuous and spread disease is biphobic though imo. Stating that women should not have sex with all bisexual men to avoid AIDS is biphobic imo. Stating that most bisexuals are in monogamous relationships and happy is questionable. Stating that bisexuals in monogamous relationships are not happy is also questionable BUT some bisexuals are not happy in monogamous relationships and that has been stated frequently on this site.

Actually, tenni, I have read members claim point 2 on site.. several times. I couldn't tell u who said or when, but it is some years ago the last time I remember it being stated.. I haven't read it for a long time now and refuse point blank to wade through thousands of threads and posts to find out who and just what was said.. but it was said... Whether Darlin' darlin' is misunderstanding something someone said recently or remembers this I have no idea, but I can't recall anyone doing so in recent times...

In respect of point 3, in a sense that statement attaches itself to point 2 since if monogamous, irrespective of gender you are not not having sex with people of both genders so the same applies. I don't however remember the particular claim being made of monogamous people at any time.....It is a point of contention but not born of biphobia and, like point 2, not any kind of phobia.. we have recently had the argument about women who avoid sex with bisexual men and I have no wish to reopen that argument... u know my views on that.

[tenni]

"Okay who are you and what have you done with Tenni? You are the one who over the last few years have completely slammed those who are happy in monogamous relationships and who has pretty much insisted if someone wasn't out actively having sex they couldn't call themselves bisexual. That is in a lot of your responses on this site over the past years, Tenni. I'm glad you seem to have finally understood that life is up to the individual themselves to live but to try to erase history is not a good thing, the fact you have grown past the initial prejudices is amazing but please do not treat the rest of us as stupid who do remember the many allegations of "forced" monogamy and other things. I'm willing to forget but not if you keep insisting you never did something...cause it's right there in black and white in past posts..."

Well, it is still me...lol

I do believe in what I wrote which is different from how you have interpreted what I have written in the past. I do believe that someone who says that they are bisexual but does not act upon their sexual needs is unfortunate and sad. What I read and recall several years ago was a woman who posted to a great extent on this site about matters unconnected to bisexuality. She claimed to be a bisexual but had not acted on her attraction and had no desire to do so. This is suspect imo ..not as to whether she is or is not bisexual but wtf was she doing here? It seemed to meet a need for her to post here that had nothing to do with the intent of the site.

I also have difficulty with someone stating that they are bisexual and then condemning those who do not live up to their own moral (hetero) principles. Bisexuals who are in monogamous relationships who bitch about the belief that bisexuals are not capable of monogamy. It is not that bisexuals may not be monogamous but denying that some bisexuals do not live monogamous lifestyles and their support for such bisexuals seemed to be weak. They seemed so hurt by this biphobic belief that they were not seen as monogamous. There is however a reality that biseuxals are not monogamist.

In the end, it doesn't matter whether a bisexual is monogamous or not. I just don't believe that it is in the bisexual's best interest to try to force themselves to live hetero monogamous lives. So many live in frustration and denial of their real needs. Those bisexuals who are sexual beings should accept the diversity of bisexual lifestyles. The belief that bisexuals are all disease carrying promiscuous beings (from another planet ...lol) is a biphobic belief. The belief that bisexuals are all happy monogamist is even further from the reality. There is nothing wrong with being non monogamous. It suits many bisexuals.

[tenni]

Actually, tenni, I have read members claim point 2 on site.. several times. I couldn't tell u who said or when, but it is some years ago the last time I remember it being stated.. I haven't read it for a long time now and refuse point blank to wade through thousands of threads and posts to find out who and just what was said.. but it was said... Whether Darlin' darlin' is misunderstanding something someone said recently or remembers this I have no idea, but I can't recall anyone doing so in recent times...

In respect of point 3, in a sense that statement attaches itself to point 2 since if monogamous, irrespective of gender you are not not having sex with people of both genders so the same applies. I don't however remember the particular claim being made of monogamous people at any time.....It is a point of contention but not born of biphobia and, like point 2, not any kind of phobia.. we have recently had the argument about women who avoid sex with bisexual men and I have no wish to reopen that argument... u know my views on that.

Point 3 is connected to point 2? Point 2 refers to having sex and that is it. I assume that it means not having sex with same gender but I may be wrong. If a bisexual is monogamous, many have posted how unhappy they are being so. How then is it connected to point 2? Bisexuals want sex with same gender and opposite gender but in a variety of ways. Lots of bimen post how frustrated they are that their wives will not give permission to have this sex. oh..well who really cares anyway...lol

Yes, a woman who refuses to have sex with all bimen regardless of testing, statements etc. is biphobic.

[darkeyes]

Sometimes, tenni, monogamous relationships are not simply monogamous, but celibate.. but since the claim is that unless having sex, assuming it means sex with both genders because if it doesn't then the claim is nonsensical, you cannot be bisexual, and as in a monogamous relationship sex if it occurs is either heterosexual or homosexual sex. In both claims the assumption is that this does not occur..and therefore the two points are connected..

I'm not agreeing with the claims tenni, u daft bugger, just telling u there is a connection...

[elian]

Hmm, I'll stretch my definition even further and say that bisexuals have the DESIRE or the thought of finding more than one gender attractive - whether they are having sex or not.

I'm sure there are 52 other words people have made up to describe that specific condition but I think it's simpler just to stretch the definition of the word bisexual just a little and there you have it.

[tenni]

Sometimes, tenni, monogamous relationships are not simply monogamous, but celibate.. but since the claim is that unless having sex, assuming it means sex with both genders because if it doesn't then the claim is nonsensical, you cannot be bisexual, and as in a monogamous relationship sex if it occurs is either heterosexual or homosexual sex. In both claims the assumption is that this does not occur..and therefore the two points are connected..

I'm not agreeing with the claims tenni, u daft bugger, just telling u there is a connection...

Ok.
I am having difficulty thinking through what you are attempting to state but ok.

I am reminded constantly about men who find themselves in forced celebate marriages. I met a guy just the other night who was looking for sex and friendship with a man. He has not had sex with his wife for nearly ten years. She does not ask for sex and nor does he. He said that he is bisexual. I suspect that he is gay but I have no sound proof just a gut feeling(bad gaydar /bidar so I'm probably wrong). To call such a marriage mongamous seems silly. To call such a marriage celebate makes more sense. To say that he is happy would be wrong or he would not be seeking sex and friendship with a man. To say that he accepts his lot by seeking sex with men and staying married is the reality. None of this has much to do with the thread topic of biphobia though.

Elain
Is not the word "bisexual" just a word to umbrella what is more than not a lot of yet to be defined sexualities? It is like the word "primate".

[void()]

They seemed so hurt by this biphobic belief that they were not seen as monogamous. There is however a reality that biseuxals are not monogamist.

In the end, it doesn't matter whether a bisexual is monogamous or not. I just don't believe that it is in the bisexual's best interest to try to force themselves to live hetero monogamous lives. So many live in frustration and denial of their real needs. Those bisexuals who are sexual beings should accept the diversity of bisexual lifestyles.

Apologies if I ever seemed to deny there were non-monogamist bisexuals. Never intended to suggest that. Also never intended to say non-monogamist/s are in any way bad, or negative. My point has always been that monogamy to a degree works for me.

What I get upset over are people, on an individual basis whom do cheat and openly admit it here. This has nothing to do with their sexuality but rather with them being imho, jerks. I think love should be all accepting, to that end love through trust and communication should help resolve issues. If you cannot love enough to trust a partner or be trusted by one, why bother with a relationship at all?

I understand where you're coming from though. One can remain single and enjoy having lots of flings, or one offs with whomever. That may be fine for some too, not denying that. It just doesn't work for me. I like being there for those I love, them being there for me. For some it goes beyond mere physical sex, guess I fit in that some.

Also, wow, thank you for finally helping me understanding more fully what you were meaning.

[tenni]

"It just doesn't work for me. I like being there for those I love, them being there for me. For some it goes beyond mere physical sex, guess I fit in that some."

Oh, voidie I so admire your relationship with you wife. I written that before. I know what I am missing and will not deny that I also want that too. I'm just a greedy bisexual...lol

[darkeyes]

Ok.
I am having difficulty thinking through what you are attempting to state but ok.

Think u should have stayed over this side of the pond an' not bothered goin' back...*laffs*