How young is too young...?

[mikey3000]

This thread was inspired by two comments on the Penn State thread.

I know that many people hadtheir first sexual experience with a much older person. Some have even openly commented about it (both positively and negatively) on here, and these things have got me to thinking.

If you had your first sexual experience as a "child" and it was with someone much older (either gay or straight experience), how did it make you feel? Did you feel violated or was it otherwise for you?

I had mine when I was 9 with a boy a little older. We both performed oral on eachother and he rimmed me. I really never thought anything of it at the time and we stayed friends even to this day. Now I look back on that experience with fond memories and a warm heart. It was just the innocence of youth. But others may feel different. How did it make you feel?

I understand how sensitive this topic may be, and no offense in meant, but I think it's important to discuss these things.

[pepperjack]

This thread was inspired by two comments on the Penn State thread.

I know that many people hadtheir first sexual experience with a much older person. Some have even openly commented about it (both positively and negatively) on here, and these things have got me to thinking.

If you had your first sexual experience as a "child" and it was with someone much older (either gay or straight experience), how did it make you feel? Did you feel violated or was it otherwise for you?

I had mine when I was 9 with a boy a little older. We both performed oral on eachother and he rimmed me. I really never thought anything of it at the time and we stayed friends even to this day. Now I look back on that experience with fond memories and a warm heart. It was just the innocence of youth. But others may feel different. How did it make you feel?

I understand how sensitive this topic may be, and no offense in meant, but I think it's important to discuss these things.

I'm wondering if my story, "openly commented upon on here" a couple of times, is one u're referring to. This is profoundly interesting to me since today was the anniversary of an experience which brought certain memories bursting forth from my subconscious; no offense taken; willing to share all u would like to know; u're rite; discussion is cathartic!

[mikey3000]

Sorry man, I missed your story. But feel free... There nare many on here.

[pepperjack]

Sorry man, I missed your story. But feel free... There nare many on here.

As I said, I've already shared this twice before on here; I was molested by a pedophile when as a 5 yr. old; not only did I feel violated & terrified, but also wound up in the hospital for emergency surgery because of a severe hernia in my groin as a result of this experience; so, I was completely traumatized! So much so I could not talk to my parents about it until my mid-20's. I've evolved into a man who has a very tenderhearted, compassionate love for children.

[bttmguy2]

I was molested at a very young age 6 or 7 and
have loved sex ever since. In my younger years
i preferred sex with girls but the older I get the
more I love sex with men and get this I prefer
to bottom. What the hell, maybe I need a therapist!!

bttmguy2

[love1234]

The man made rules in some states are as low as 13 for females and as old as 18 in other states.

Not that many years ago in some parts of this country a 14 year old girl was on her way to being old maid if not engaged.

[love1234]

If I remember right they have rules in the Talmud. I believe some married off little girls as fast as they could. A male could return the little girl if she was screamer.

They also knew the hymen would re-grow and the girl could be passed of as virgin if they stopped before she was three.

I'm thinking back in the day they were marrying off 5 & 6 year old girls? One less mouth to feed plus they got paid for her? She was expected to perform like cook, clean and sex.

[elian]

As I said, I've already shared this twice before on here; I was molested by a pedophile when as a 5 yr. old; not only did I feel violated & terrified, but also wound up in the hospital for emergency surgery because of a severe hernia in my groin as a result of this experience; so, I was completely traumatized! So much so I could not talk to my parents about it until my mid-20's. I've evolved into a man who has a very tenderhearted, compassionate love for children.

Aww <nuzzles> - I am glad that you are able to work successfully at overcoming this event in your past.

[elian]

My story has been posted here enough times already.

I think there is a difference in children of the SAME age being curious about their bodies vs. an adult knowingly doing things with a child where the adult holds a position of influence over the child and the child may not fully understand the repercussions.

I am really glad that the UU church I go to DOES teach sexual education, with parental consent and involvement. It gives children good, honest age appropriate information about themselves, their bodies and how to treat themselves and others with love and respect. When I first heard about this I thought, "How strange, to learn about sexual education AT CHURCH" but learning to act with compassion and respect, and learning ways of having a positive healthy relationship is a part of spiritual growth. We developed the curriculum using recommendations from respected agencies and in cooperation with the United Church of Christ so there is at least one other denomination that also teaches responsible sex ed. (http://www.uua.org/re/owl) I would much rather that children learn about sex from a reputable source than something like MTV or "the internet".

My experience was tainted primarily because I was 7-8 the teenage boy who touched me (11-12) decided to scare the hell out of me first by locking me up for an hour, showing me his dad's gun, somehow he even got me to stand in a stack of tires in the backyard and decided it would be great fun to spray me with a hose in the face when I couldn't move..then we found a stray cat and I was dismayed that he would try to do the same thing to the cat.

It must have been a bit of stockholm syndrome because even after all that, when he touched me I was only REALLY upset when I knew he had held me that way and I wouldn't ever see him again..I fantasized about "playing house" with this male..so now that I think about it for me to deny I was gay or bi or feminine or whatever would just be stupid at this point I guess but it took me a while to admit that.

I was angry for a long time at that, for making me question just WHAT I wanted..up until that point no "adult" had EVER treated me that way..with the abuse OR the affection. I literally didn't know how to respond..but I knew other adults around me didn't think much of two males sleeping together.

What I feel now mostly is just a little sad for him, because if he did all of those things to me, that must mean that he had to learn them from someone else..a kid that young isn't THAT sexually experienced or aggressive without first learning it from somewhere (or someone) else.. That's why I take such a hard stand on this issue, because abuse can tend to repeat - it is important to just let children be children without that sort of influence.

I honestly don't know what I would be like if those incidents wouldn't have happened, and that is in the past now. I know this is going to sound strange but always been drawn to genitals anyway - I have very early memories of playing with myself (at that early it was more like a cat toy, I didn't really feel anything, it was just the curiosity of things bobbing in the wind) and I used to stare at others quite a lot. I was always fascinated by the length of the trunk on that snuffleupagus. I remember more than just that one guy but many other people seemed to want me to do "strange" things with them..I struggled very hard to be accepted by others so I always adored that attention..

Having all of this stuff done to me as a male (who wasn't supposed to show emotion or let people take advantage) was demoralizing enough but I guess I should be glad that I WASN'T born female because personally I have a feeling I would have liked the attention a little too much.

So I guess sex has been a part of my life more than I really want to admit. Once I got to be around some decent role models and have proper relationships things did improve quite a bit.

[darkeyes]

Too young is when the law of the land says so... the law is arbitrary and creates problems and is often unfair, but until a better way is found to determine sexual maturity it has to be. As a young teen I flaunted and ignored it in part because I wanted to but primarily because I felt mature enough both physically and mentally able to do so... but I will never encourage any child or young teen to do as I did.

Interestingly, the other day my dad pulled out the old family albums... there I was, smiling, happy and cute and looking skinny and about 13 years old. It was my 15th birthday party. Maybe I wasnt quite as physically mature as I believed myself to be.. which brings me to..

...too young is also when we are physically and/or insufficiently mature, well prepared and educated to deal with it and properly choose for ourselves without undue pressure from or an immature, childish desire to please another with whom to have sexual relations.

The age at which we develop physical, sexual and mental maturity differs from person to person and even above the ages of consent in every country there are those who are not and never shall be sufficiently either educated or prepared to deal with it, and some will never have the mental maturity and a very few will even lack the physical maturity to do so adequately.... because of the variation in ages at which we mature, each society has selected, often almost at random, an age at which it is generally felt that the young are able to safely embark on a life of active sexual expression... because of the arbitrariness of law, it will of necessity be a very imperfect instrument, but it is designed to prevent as far as it is able, sexual exploitation, molestation and abuse of children and immature adolescents from the predatory nature and instincts of more adult human beings.

[Gearbox]

I was about 10yo when I started having sex with same age m/f's. But I craved after much older men in particular. I know I would have had no qualms about certain men in their 30'&40's replacing my same age friends for sexual pleasure. I would have greatly appreciated them.

BUT as an adult I think that is disgusting! A crime! I don't care how much I wanted it back then, I'd view those adults as sick and child abusers now.
It's kind of hypocrytical, but that's how it is. I can understand the attraction to fully developed adults, but not so for children, no matter what that child believes or how 'old enough' they look or think they are.

There has to be limits and laws to protect children, even from themselves.

[12voltman59]

More and more bits of the Special Grand Jury Investigation Report are being released and it is really something horrid that this man did to those young men---he was not one of these kind of guys who grooms and slowly leads a kid into doing sexual things---he got them into the showers---stripped off his clothes and those of the kids and violently RAPED them----with them pleading for mercy and to stop and all---he is not some soft and squishy older guy wanting to diddle some kids--he is apparently a pure sexual predator of the worst kind!!!

They are gonna have a fun time with him in some max security prison--I doubt he will live too long---he might not make it to trial!!! Somebody might get him while he is in the local lockup!!

[tenni]

I know that it is the age that the society determines as too young. However, I think that I like what my country use to have as far as age was concerned. It stated beyond the age of 14 (at the time) as being the age of consent an added aspect. The age between the two people involved in a consensual sexual act had to be something like no more than two years difference in age if one of them was under the age of 16 or something.

That would mean that a fourteen year old may have sex with someone no older than sixteen and no younger than twelve in order for it to be consensual legally. That makes sense to me. They have changed that law and increased the age of consent(damn conservatives..) There is no longer a sliding scale to determine consensual sexual acts. I recall that anyone under this age may not consent but there was still the possibility for a twelve year old to consent to a fourteen year old...no gender restrictions as to whether the partners were same or opposite gender.

Sexual exploration between ten to twelve year old does happen though. I think that falls within what I would consider within a norm.

A sexually active person under ten has more than not had some sexual abuse/exposure from my observations. Some form of sexualizing and that might be just from exposure to porn. I know that I had a nephew who was sexualized by the age of 8. He was a difficult behavioural child (ADHD plus) . Somehow, unknown to his parents he saw porn on a satellite dish at the age of 8 or younger late at night while they slept. At the age of 4 he called a televised sex line because it referred to "friends". Rang up an interesting sex phone bill too..(they hung up immediately when hearing a child but still charged) It happens unfortunately. His parents were not happy but had a lot to deal with him. He got his first bj at eleven from a 15 year old girl. At 18 now, he is less sexually active..poor bugger..now when it counts as worthwhile. Of course, I just realized that is me speculating as I have not asked him if he is getting any..lol Maybe he is ..doubt it for several reasons.

[ckman314]

I was molested at a very young age 6 or 7 and
have loved sex ever since. In my younger years
i preferred sex with girls but the older I get the
more I love sex with men and get this I prefer
to bottom. What the hell, maybe I need a therapist!!

bttmguy2

Also Molested at a young age I was 8 prob need a therapist too I always wonder if Im bi because I was molested

[want2havefun]

A sexually active person under ten has more than not had some sexual abuse/exposure from my observations. .

Not sure if thats true, perhaps sometimes, but definitely not in my case.
I engaged in sexual activity before the age of 10, with a girl my own age.
Neither of us were "sexually exposed" or "abused". If anything we were sheltered from sex, sexual themes, images and information by conservative loving parents. If anything a lack of sexual information sparked our interest. Our activity was initially of a curiosity nature, a "show me yours, I'll show you mine" type of thing. That led to touching, which we both thought felt good. At that age we didnt have full on intercourse (if thats all you are counting) but we definitely enjoyed fingering and rubbing each other for sexual pleasure.


As for the Penn case and other like it, anyone of an adult age having sex with a child is a molester/pedophile REGARDLESS of the child's willingness or not to engage in such activity. The adult is the responsible party and bears all the blame.

[love1234]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...by-Mexico.html 10-year-old girl gives birth...

[tenni]

Want
Yes there is body exploration under 10 years old and that is different than what I was referring to. Show me and I'll show you by a peer age person. Even some touch. That differs from exposure. Children who have "seen" sexual acts are in an entirely different grouping from what is body exploration and self discovery. A child may be exposed to sexual acts even verbally maybe by an older sibling etc. It is a grey line. It is when they become sexually precocious that something may need to be done. It all depends upon the circumstance. An eight year old may molest a four year old but probabilility is that eight year old was also molested. I have been aware of a nine year old boy dry humping both boys and girls during recess. That is out of the norm and the boy had some serious emotional and psychological issues in order to be so brazen with his sexual behaviour. There was a lot of abuse in his home. I worked helping the boy professionally at one point and it was very sad and complex.

[pepperjack]

Aww <nuzzles> - I am glad that you are able to work successfully at overcoming this event in your past.

Yes, I overcame & continue to do so; don't need condescending male "nuzzling";why do u suppose I chose the icon...? Because I feel whole & sufficient. I just feel a man can be deeply loving, passionate & compassionate, without being effeminate; was merely providing Mikey w/fodder for his curiousity & thread.

[æonpax]

I gave birth at 13. It was traumatic mainly because of the reaction of the adults around me, such as my parents and their Baptist church which hypocritically almost forced me to get an abortion. I became more emotionally defiant than actually distressed. My parents disowned me and I went to live with an aunt in Wisconsin.

Legality aside, I have no regrets and now have a beautiful 15 year old daughter, whom like her sisters, I love more than myself.

[darkeyes]

I gave birth at 13. It was traumatic mainly because of the reaction of the adults around me, such as my parents and their Baptist church which hypocritically almost forced me to get an abortion. I became more emotionally defiant than actually distressed. My parents disowned me and I went to live with an aunt in Wisconsin.

Legality aside, I have no regrets and now have a beautiful 15 year old daughter, whom like her sisters, I love more than myself.

Good on u babes... have a friend who had a baby at 13. Her parents also tried to force her to have an abortion.. they even consulted a lawyer to
see about having it legally enforced too.. but their parish priest soon put a stop to their little game and their hypocrisy..

Her little boy started uni back in September and is now a strapping rugby playing monster of a lad. She got away from home soon as she could and sacrificed almost everything for him.. worked at 3 and 4 jobs at a time all hours just to keep them in house and home.. thats love.. but not blind love.. he is shit scared of 'is mum and she knows his little faults.. my daughter fancies him something rotten but needless to say, pubescent girls arent his thing and he just doesnt see her except as an annoying brat... poor Shiv.. tee hee. He does however go gaga about another m8... if pubescent girls arent his things, older women certainly are.. even married older women the dirty bugger...

[æonpax]

I must preface what I say by stating that while I believe in and will defend, a females right to choose, an abortion is something I don't advocate. Also, AOC laws are arbitrary and capricious and up to the individual nations culture.

Make no mistake about it, getting pregnant and giving birth, was a hell I wish on no girl. My aunt, who was single, helped me out the best she could but I went from being 13 to being 21 in a matter of weeks. I took full responsibility of raising my daughter.

Age Of Consent is a very touchy subject. Here in the US, the Penn State tragedy involving forced sex with minor males, will only serve to reenforce myths that gays and bi-males are low-life, which is just not true.

[swmnkdinthervr]

The question of age vs maturity vs consent is something that will always be discussed with no clear answer...no matter what the laws are!

I was about 12 when an older boy seduced me, he was about 16 at the time (over the statutory limits at that time). I greatly enjoyed our numerous meets but as the year progressed and I became more enamored of girls I also became more aware of the homophobia surrounding me!!!

Due to the guilt pressed on me by this (still) homophobic society I avoided and suppressed any further thought of male to male fun. Once I again began to recognize that fact that male to male play is about sex first gender second I was able again open up to a whole new realm of pleasure and let go of the guilt of my past.

The problem with the question using age as the only factor is that many people are mature beyond their years both emotionally and physically. However it's obvious that someone more mature could take advantage of someone not so knowledgeable!!!

[darkeyes]

I must preface what I say by stating that while I believe in and will defend, a females right to choose, an abortion is something I don't advocate. Also, AOC laws are arbitrary and capricious and up to the individual nations culture.

Make no mistake about it, getting pregnant and giving birth, was a hell I wish on no girl. My aunt, who was single, helped me out the best she could but I went from being 13 to being 21 in a matter of weeks. I took full responsibility of raising my daughter.

Age Of Consent is a very touchy subject. Here in the US, the Penn State tragedy involving forced sex with minor males, will only serve to reenforce myths that gays and bi-males are low-life, which is just not true.

Gay and bi males are not low life you're quite right.. no more or less than heterosexual males are low life... each sexuality has its predators and we have to accept that, and combat it as best we can knowing that they will at least damage and just as often wreck the lifes of so many children.. society's way is the arbitrary age of consent.. imperfect and causes many problems in itself.. but as yet we know of no better way of trying to protect our children from the predatory nature of some adults. Better sex education and awareness of what paedophilia is, of the law and the need for an age of consent would help.. educating girls (and boys have their part to play and need education too) into just what it will mean to them should they fall pregnant at too young an age. Parents and schools have a joint responsibility in this, but too many schools and parents evade their responsibility, and in this country too many education authorities also, as at times, have governments.

Abortion is a very personal thing. It is difficult for me to know how I would feel should I ever become pregnant (my daughter is adopted and the natural child of my partner), but the numbers of conceptions of young girls, some as low as 9 and 10 are such that in many instances health and life of both mother and child can be put at risk. Not to say of course the mental wreckage which can come as a result of pregnancy in one so young. Pregnancy is difficult enough for adult healthy women, but how much more stressful in a child in her early teens or younger. It is not just young boys who are preyed upon and while the damage upon them is catastrophically traumatic, the damage to a young girl who falls pregnant as a result of abuse (or even peer play) leaves a mark on her young life in the form of a child or abortion which is additionally traumatic and is an ever present reminder of the original assault.

What is certain is that in having children at the age of 12 14 15 or even older, when a child or young person knows relatively little of the world and has no means to support her child, and very little idea of what it means to raise a child, that is too young when her naivity and ignorance of life, her lack of means and maturity will make both her own and the life of her child more difficult than it would be than if she was a mature adult with knowledge of the world, her own means of support and had properly planned and prepared for her child.

[elian]

Yes, I overcame & continue to do so; don't need condescending male "nuzzling";why do u suppose I chose the icon...? Because I feel whole & sufficient. I just feel a man can be deeply loving, passionate & compassionate, without being effeminate; was merely providing Mikey w/fodder for his curiousity & thread.

Hey pepperjack, whether you "need" it or not, I'm gave it to you because that's just who I am - I didn't necessarily think that you "needed" it but your story resonated with me. I've ALWAYS loved being affectionate - it kinda sucks doing it online only but.. No offense.

[elian]

I will let you know how I feel about abortion as soon as I can bear my own child. I would try to do everything in my power to avoid having to be in that situation in the first place - from using a condom up to supporting the child for adoption if the mother just could not keep it but I won't TELL a woman what to do. I know people who have gone through that procedure - it's not a decision they make lightly and the thought of it pretty much stays with them for the rest of their lives.

I'm certainly not advocating teenage pregnancy or sexual abuse but I can see from two of the stories above how sometimes reaction from others is even more detrimental to our health than the event itself.

I know my parents got married very quickly because even in the 70's to bear a child out of wedlock was still considered taboo.

Rape is rape, and it certainly sounds as if what Mr. Sandusky did to those boys at PennState really and truly is rape - if true the age of consent really doesn't matter - having sex with someone against their will - while they are crying and begging you to stop ?! - what the hell is wrong with that man?!! ..

All I can say is that the governor here asked the students at PennState to channel all of their energy toward standing in solidarity with the victims and I think it's a good thing.

[æonpax]

<snip><unsnip> What is certain is that in having children at the age of 12 14 15 or even older, when a child or young person knows relatively little of the world and has no means to support her child, and very little idea of what it means to raise a child, that is too young when her naivity and ignorance of life, her lack of means and maturity will make both her own and the life of her child more difficult than it would be than if she was a mature adult with knowledge of the world, her own means of support and had properly planned and prepared for her child.

In human history, up into only about 150 years ago, a female could get married and bear children as early as 10 or when their cycle started. The human specie, in all cultures, not only survived that way, we proliferated.

About the time of the Industrial Revolution and the Victorian age, the concept of a set-aside childhood was introduced within the Western world. Agree or disagree with it, children up until then, were after birth, instructed on survival and how to contribute to the clan, tribe, village, community or even, kingdom. Their capacity to develop their natural intellect and maturity, was by need, introduced right away.

This begs the question, has the potential for a child to mature at an accelerated rate degraded since the late 1800, or, has an ideology as law, been telling us that children are dumber now than used to be, for thousands of years?

[darkeyes]

In human history, up into only about 150 years ago, a female could get married and bear children as early as 10 or when their cycle started. The human specie, in all cultures, not only survived that way, we proliferated.

About the time of the Industrial Revolution and the Victorian age, the concept of a set-aside childhood was introduced within the Western world. Agree or disagree with it, children up until then, were after birth, instructed on survival and how to contribute to the clan, tribe, village, community or even, kingdom. Their capacity to develop their natural intellect and maturity, was by need, introduced right away.

This begs the question, has the potential for a child to mature at an accelerated rate degraded since the late 1800, or, has an ideology as law, been telling us that children are dumber now than used to be, for thousands of years?

No, children of today are probably brighter, and they are almost certainly physically more advanced than kids of a century and more ago.. prosperity and improvements in diet and removal of childen from the absolute poverty of those times has much to do with it.. whether they could survive the world of the industrial revolution and before however is another question.. those worlds are so different from our own that their adaptability and intelligence would be put to the test..

..children were chattels in those days, and still are in some parts of the world. Mortality was such that the sooner girl started to breed the more chance of carrying on the species in destititute areas so many children succumbed to disease and deprivation. Even the prosperous had a far greater early mortality rate among children and even adults than do the poorest families now. Girls especially were as nothing and used and traded as something less than human. Even as adults should they be lucky enough to reach adulthood they had little or no say in their world and what happened to them. Hubbie, if they had one had absolute power over her and even single women were considered less than nothing.

I do agree with u regarding the situation prior to the industrial revolution but even then women's place was secondary to the male with relatively few rights over her life. They did have to learn survival skills and their intellect did show what they could be. But then as now their principal purpose was to breed, and again mortality played its part. The ages of child mortality and adult mortality collapsed in the early years of the industrial revolution, in part because of the increased poverty and squalor to be found in increasingly overcrowded and unhygeinic towns and cities, as well as any lack of safety and care by mill and factory owners. In Preston in Lancashire, the life expectancy of a person born in the 1840s was about 7 and many of our towns and cities were little better. Women in those days learned different skills just to survive but disease and poverty overwhelmed them in a way which it had not done since the black death in the middle ages.

Children, boys as well as girls, were often used as sex fodder and there was little or no child protection in those days.. they often had to learn to survive as young as 5 or 6. The numbers of prostitutes in some of our towns and cities almost equalled the numbers of women who were more "saintly" and the concept of rent boy is not a late 20th century invention. Children as in parts of the world now were used to supplement the family income where the family unit existed, either by working in the fields or factories at an early age, or by prostitution or even by the gathering of some form of dowery.

Life was hard and it was cheap, and in a sense children had to grow up quickly or perish. Whether we consider that as maturing is open to question.
Now we allow our children a proper childhood, or we try to. They learn their life skills in part through play just like any other mammal, and by guidance from parents and others around them, but we encourage them to enjoy their childhood and their friends.. prior to the industrial revolution they had much of that too, but it was cut short at an early age by the necessity of survival.. in the early years of the industrial revolution, in our towns and cities from the vast majority of children play was removed from them as they learned simply survival in a far more heartless and brutal world.

[æonpax]

<snipped for brevity>{good reply}

I will not disagree with you that children (and women) were treated as slaves and, that during the Victorian/Industrial age, we also had an age of enlightenment...Civil rights for children and women.

For the sake of argument, what I'm saying is that children turn into adults, by way of need, by way of custom, by way of religion and...by law. Are people under 18 capable of making so-called, "adult decisions?" I say yes but with this caveat; Only if they are educated to do that.

I'm not saying this is the right way and I am deliberately discounting conventional morals...what I am saying is that those people we may call children, have the capability to be more independent of thought, than the law allows.

[darkeyes]

I will not disagree with you that children (and women) were treated as slaves and, that during the Victorian/Industrial age, we also had an age of enlightenment...Civil rights for children and women.

For the sake of argument, what I'm saying is that children turn into adults, by way of need, by way of custom, by way of religion and...by law. Are people under 18 capable of making so-called, "adult decisions?" I say yes but with this caveat; Only if they are educated to do that.

I'm not saying this is the right way and I am deliberately discounting conventional morals...what I am saying is that those people we may call children, have the capability to be more independent of thought, than the law allows.

I agree with u... I think I was and know many others who were, and at work know several kids under the age of consent who in my judgement are too.... I was sexually active before the law said I should be because I wanted to be, but also because my parents ensured that I had the education and awareness to be able to handle it.. people can argue that my promiscuity was a sign of immaturity but I have never considered promiscuity as a sign of immaturity in itself, just one way of expressing and enjoying sexuality.. not taking account of all the factors for each of us is where the law being arbitrary falls down.. but unfortunately until we can devise a method by which the maturity of the young can be more accurately measured we are kind of stuck with it.. even then, I think there will always be the old stick in the mud fuddy duddies who just disapprove of sex and young people enjoying themselves and they wont care whether they are adult enough to enjoy it or not...

[Realist]

This is a controversy that often stirs vehement, emotional, views! Even b efore all of the particulars are revealed, opinions are formed and inflamed. I normally avoid any participation in discussions of this kind, because of my seduction by an older man.

Although Penn State is mentioned here, my experience was nothing like what those boys supposedly suffered. From what I understand, threats, coercion, and maybe even the fear of personal harm, was used.

Some might say that what happened to me was at the hands of a pedophile. Maybe so, but if he was, he was one of the most gentle and considerate of them all!

Others I've shared this story with have sometimes become very upset and accusatory toward the person who I refer to as my seducer. But, for over a year, before we actually had sex, he mostly responded to my questions about things that never were answered at home.

I'd felt urges I didn't understand for years and craved the understanding of why I felt so attracted to boys as well as girls. For the first time, an older person would discuss those things with me, honestly and openly.

When I was able to explain how I felt and what I wanted, emotionally and sexually, he was there for me. I was able to understand that I was not the only young person in the world, who felt that way..........I was not alone.

When it became evident that I wanted him to introduce me my first sexual experience, he sat me down and discussed several points I never thought of.

First, he explained that it was against the law for him to have any sexual contact with me. Then, he told me that my parents would be very upset if they knew he and I had been intimate. He even told me that there would probably be many who would say that two males being intimate is perverse and evil...especially when there was so much of a gap in our ages.

He even told me that it is very compelling for some men, to have sex with young boys, or girls, and those men would sometimes do terrible things to get what they wanted. Even if the children willfully went with the older persons, that person might kill the child after they were finished with them! I never felt any fear that he would do anything harmful to me.

After I thought it over and told him I wanted him to teach me, he said that he would be pleased to. He never once warned me to be discreet, or even hinted at threats. I think he felt safe with me, not because I was afraid of him, but because he felt I wanted to be intimate with him and I would have enough sense to know that if I told anyone, he'd be in jeopardy. He never asked me to reciprocate, either.

So, when it came to that time, when he knew I wanted to experience the possibilities between the two of us, he asked me if I was ready and I told him emphatically, "Yes"

I've never felt guilty for that experience, nor did I have any remorse of any kind. I think that, if I had to learn from anyone, he was the best choice I had available.

By the time I got to that point, when I asked him to teach me, he had given me enough knowledge to make my own decisions.

Yes, at 14, I may have been too young, according to the law, but I was at a point where I was going to do SOMETHING, with someone.........so why not with someone I trusted and felt comfortable with? I asked him to show me the way...........I was ready! I'm glad I did, he was great! I received no surprises, other than the severity of the pleasure he gave me.

And, I never told another soul, until long after he had passed on.