Hi all. I'm a bi female who identifies as being the midpoint on the Kinsey scale (equally interested in men and women). I've only known that I was bi for a few years now, and during that time I have tried various relationship types, with mixed results.
Poly open relationship (multiple relationship partners, OK to have sex outside the relationship partners):
Did this once for a few months. I really didn't like the feeling that my partners were always 'on the make' for new partners 24/7... it felt like there was no loyalty of any kind. And the fact that so many other people were involved meant that my partners had very little time for me, which is the main reason I ended it.
Monogamy:
I've only been in one monogamous relationship since knowing that I was bi. Basically, I like monogamy, especially the closeness that comes from only having 2 people in the relationship, and the loyalty. Monogamy would be good, except for the fact that I like both genders. That relationship was with a man, and during that time I had a lot of cravings for women. That kind of led me to the idea that although I know I can be faithful to one person, maybe I can't be happy with one gender forever... maybe I need the opportunity to have both genders to be happy. Which led me to polyfidelity.
Polyfidelity (multiple relationship partners, sex is restricted to the relationship partners):
I did this once for a few months... it didn't work for various reasons, some of of the reasons being 1) it was a married couple trying to fit me into their already-existing life, and 2) I always took last place... I only got to have dates with one of them when the other of them was busy, etc. in other words, I was the low person on the totem pole... never first priority to anyone. and 3) the guy being jealous of the time i spent with his wife, although i was also with him.
Anyway... all of this has kind of left me feeling frustrated and disillusioned about dating. It would be a lot easier to just be straight or gay, but I'm not, and I'm trying to deal with that. I think ultimately a polyfidelity situation would maybe be best, with 1 man and 1 woman where sex was confined within the group, might work out best. But the idea of 'poly' turns me off in general, because most people who use the word 'poly' use it to mean poly open relationships, sleep with whoever, whenever. And poly relationships seem to be so complicated in general.
I guess I am just feeling frustrated because this doesn't make dating easy at all. What relationship types have other bi people found to work? Any thoughts or advice?
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