I didnt write any of this, just reposted it!
10 Signs that You Might be Gay
- You blow every paycheck on Astro Glide Lube.
- You get offended by the word "Fruit Loops."
- Your fantasies include prison showers and dropped soap.
- Anyone mentions "The Village People" and you think of
your neighbors.
- Your nickname is "Ever-Ready"
- Your friends want to kill Richard Simmons, you'd rather
spank him.
- You know over 10 people named Bruce.
- There's always a "queer" taste in your mouth.
- You wake up each morning and scratch someone else's balls.
@@@@@@@@@@
Damn Good Definitions
ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every
man but himself.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.
DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.
DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach
each other any longer.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go
all over them without getting his face slapped.
ENEMA - A goose with a gush.
EXPLORATION - Beating around the bush.
FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labor day.
GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least
half his weight on his elbows.
GIGGALO - The egg that laid the golden Goose.
HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of
horses' asses showing their horses.
HUSBAND - What is left after the nerve has been killed.
KEPT WOMAN - One who wears mink all day and fox all night.
HUNG CHOW - Chinese constipation.
A KISS - Upper persuasion for lower invasion; upstairs shopping
for downstairs merchandise.
MASTURBATION - A solo played on a private organ.
METALLURGIST - A man who can look at a platinum blonde and
tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.
MINUTE MAN - One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.
MOTHER'S DAY - Nine months after fathers day.
DONKEY BARBECUE- Where everybody gets a piece of ass.
NUN - A woman who ain't never had none, don't want none, and
ain't going to get none.
NURSE - A pan handler.
NURSERY - A place to park last years fun until it grows up a bit.
PAPOOSE - Consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian blanket.
PIMP - A crack salesman; a nookie bookie.
PREGNANCY - When a woman is all swelled up from her mate's handiwork.
RHUMBA - An asset to music.
SECRETARY - A stenographer who watches her periods.
SIN - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.
SISSY - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take a leak.
SPRING FEVER - When the iron in your blood turns to lead in your
pencil.
STORK - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing the babies.
TAXIDERMIST - A man who mounts animals.
TOMCAT - A ball bearing mouse trap.
TRIPLETS - Having to take seriously what was poked at you in fun.
VISE - Anything you enjoy that is bad for you.
VIRGINITY - A bubble on the stream of life, one prick and it's gone
forever.
VIRGIN WOOL - Sweaters made from a sheep that can outrun a sheep herder.
@@@@@@
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Cherokee_Mountaincat
Bookmarks