How do I know if a woman " fancies" me ?

**Elfinia** · May 5, 2005, 7:47 AM

It occurs to me that sometimes women " fancy" me and try to chat me up but I just don't " twig" ( realise). I've lived a straight life and although I've had the odd " me with an imaginary girl" fantasy.....it's never gone any further. Looking back though, I now think there have been occasions when girls have even had a " crush" on me and I haven't got the hint . I'm just friendly in response as I have always liked women and to have girlfriends....just never thought about it seriously in a sexual way.

So...how do I know if a girl is chatting me up...or just being friendly ? How do I know if a girl is " gay" or " bi" ?? ....and How Come I'm more " tuned-in" to when a man is gay or bi than a woman ?

I'm sorry if these questions seems dumb and naive but by joining this site I really am exploring new ( and actually, quite exciting ) territory.

Bests, Elfinia

**Sex in Words** · May 5, 2005, 12:24 PM

Oh Elfina, if you learn anything, please do share it!
I've never been able to tell when boys or girls are interested, and damnit, I'd love to have that intuition.
Help us, please!

**Ratchick** · May 5, 2005, 7:07 PM

Here, here!
Speaking as someone who is "Gaydar" imapred, I also am clueless as to when someone is flirting with me or "fancies" me.
One of my freinds said it was a self esteem issue. In other words...I don;t think anyone would want to flirt with me, therefore, I don't recognise it when someone is flirting with me.
Who knows? IF anyone figures it out, let me know.
RC

**allbimyself** · May 5, 2005, 9:48 PM

LOL, Ratchick. I don't think it's a gay/bi/straight thing but more M/F. I can tell right away if a guy is interested, but a woman has to practically hit me over the head. Gaydar works fine here... nice for casual sex, but for me a serious relationship has to be with a woman, and ain't no man figured them out yet.

**Curious2knowmore** · May 5, 2005, 10:51 PM

Well this makes me feel a lot better now. Not only do men have a hard time reading women but other women have a hard time reading another woman too.

**Ratchick** · May 7, 2005, 6:34 PM

Originally Posted by Curious2knowmore

Well this makes me feel a lot better now. Not only do men have a hard time reading women but other women have a hard time reading another woman too.

Hee hee....
Yeah I have serious relationships with both men and women.
Women are tough.
I hate it when men say women go Lesbo because it;s easier. It is wonderfully involved and complicated with women.
-RC

**softfruit** · May 9, 2005, 2:00 PM

It feels like I just keep plugging BCN on here, but there's an article on this very topic on the BCN site here.

**bifocalx** · May 9, 2005, 5:46 PM

Hi,

And you ladies wonder why men are so confused on the subject of women? Jeez ... and you're the same gender ...

LT

**Nancyboy** · May 14, 2005, 1:20 PM

Originally Posted by softfruit

It feels like I just keep plugging BCN on here, but there's an article on this very topic on the BCN site here.

Thanks for the article SoftFruit. Yeah, it's an ongoing problem for me too. I can't tell if a woman is simply being affectionate or if she's into me, even when I know she's queer!!! She would have to hit me over the head with a 2 X 4, I think.

Also, there's this whole thing where I assume that a woman won't be into me because I don't see myself as attractive. I know I'm cute and I feel cute but for some reason, I just assume other woman don't.

Weird.

**Apleasureseeker** · May 31, 2005, 1:31 AM

Ha! I love this!! As a guy who loves women I've had to contend with this for years--women who send mixed signals, or signals so weak or obscure that no one knows anythong but the girls, themselves. Then, they resent you for not picking up on it. Sorry but--the only solution is to decide if you like the girl If you do, then you decide that she DOES want you, and proceed from there. A sad fact that most women never have to deal with (ladies, tell me if I'm wrong) is that women don't want to take responsibility for a connection, no matter how much they want it. They want the guy, or in this case, the other girl, to read their mind. Do you want to kiss her? Find a way to get her into a position where she has to admit it. Make her say it, so she can't acuse you of anything later on, then when she hears herself say it, do it.

**gayle** · May 31, 2005, 2:27 AM

Well, I guess I am in a unique situation as I have often had women let me know they are interested in me. I have only felt interest in one woman. She is very attractive to me both in terms of personality and appearance. She intrigues me. I have no problem flirting with men or women. I seem to flirt without even intending to do so. (I'm told I could be arrested for the way I eat an ice cream cone --- although I had thought it was a perfectly innocent activity. Doesn't everyone lick their ice cream cones?) I get into "trouble" eating food (ice cream cones, tootsie pops, hot dogs, maraschino cherries to name a few). My bf says he simply will not watch me eat a hot dog in public. Too afraid of an embarrassing reaction. . .
I guess the best way to be certain if someone is interested in you (male or female) is to simply ask. If you're brave enough, tell them you find them attractive. I know, it's more easily said here in the forum than done in public!
I am also at an advantage since we go to a couple of places where everyone there is interested in sex (not necessarily with me) and you can openly discuss these things without getting into trouble. Of course, even there, it is still easier for women than for men.
Good luck in figuring it out. As of my last check, my gaydar and bidar are still broken and I'm not terribly concerned about getting it fixed. People are still people and that's just my opinion on the subject.

**TrimBeardHairyBod** · May 31, 2005, 4:01 AM

In a nutshell, I'd say that if someone gives you more attention than you would otherwise expect, there's a good chance they fancy you.

John

**Apleasureseeker** · Jun 1, 2005, 1:47 AM

Originally Posted by TrimBeardHairyBod

In a nutshell, I'd say that if someone gives you more attention than you would otherwise expect, there's a good chance they fancy you.

John

Fancy, maybe, but not neccessarily sexually. I'm a very outgoing person, & tend to offer a lot of concern & attention to people around me. If that person is female, thry usually assume that I'm trying to hit on them, and it usually isn't the case. In some ways the hypersexual age we live in is a bit stilted. Everyone's got so much sex on the brain that he slightest smile gets a pornic connotation. It seems to me that flirting should have some sexual innuendo in it, or it's just talk.
If they want a bit of you, they should go out on a limb to make it known. Of course, if you're not interested, you should let them down nicely, too.