Feeling Unwanted. The worse feeling in the world. *sighs*

[TashaSW]

No, Im not talking about online....

Im talking about real life.

Has anyone ever felt unwanted?? Like no matter how hard you try, no ones interested in being your friend... no one wants to date you either.
Even people you DO know all seem to busy to do anything with you. Or "forget" and make other plans then when you remind them they go "oh, Im sorry, I forgot all about it... I made other plans" (mostly family members!!!)

I wanna leave Penticton so badly. Never wanted to move to BC in the first place, was more like forced to do what everyone else wanted lol Thought I could warm up once I was here but its been 4 years, I still don't like penticton and grew to hate it more and more.
Problem is theres no way I can move anywhere right now. ($$$$ ) For a deaf person you can't even get a good job here that pays good. (did I mention Im the ONLY deaf person here??) You could if you were able to use the phone maybe but I can't use the phone.

Parents aren't gonna support me (they think Im being silly about wanting to move) and I don't have friends that would help.

I used to like to be alone but now I don't.... I hate it.
I don't wanna be here anymore.

*sighs*

Can someone cheer me up?? Please no "things will change soon" crap. Ive given up believing that. Cause it's been said to many times with nothing but even more depressing things happening... so its basically a bad luck line now.

Tasha

[ForbiddenWindow]

Life is what you make of it. Grab it by the horns and run. Obviously your parents are controll freaks, so give them the middle finger and set urself up to where u wanna go.

[TashaSW]

*gasps* a proper lady does NOT give the middle finger!!!!

If it was that easy I would pack up and move... the only thing thats keeping me back is $$$$$. Its not cheap... even tho I would have to sell half of my stuff since it would be way to much to bring it all. (in money and course why pack something you don't care about anyway? lol)

I need to find a job somewhere first... but I don't know what best city/town to live in... I asked awhile ago about Ontario but didn't get many reponses. lol
A online friend of mine thinks I'll be much happier in Kamloops, BC (according to her it has most things Im looking for lol) but I don't know about that even tho it IS cheaper to move in the same prov than across the provs!

Tasha

[ForbiddenWindow]

I wouldnt know anywhere abouts in Canada. Heh I'm right south of Ya In Seattle. Have u ever considered working in the States?

[TashaSW]

Ya but that would be a BIG thing and to much stress/trouble..... I know I could get a work visa but I really don't know.

However I had consider I might if I met someone in the states and they wanted me to move where they live. (that is, after Ive been there and like the area lol)
Just seems more easier that way.

Tasha

[ForbiddenWindow]

LoL havnt really considered it that much but I do need to split rent!

I've always thought vancouver is a pretty cool place, I've only been there
once and I loved it... Then I did have a canadian gf at one point then
that changed.... We go up snowboarding every season to whistler at least
once..

When I'm tired my thoughts ramble..............sigh......

[TaylorMade]

Tasha...

My advice is to start looking in the mirror and ACT like you are wanted. If you had enough backbone to leave your ex husband, you have enough backbone to stand straight up, glare the world in the face and take what you desire. Of course there's hard work involved, but -- I bet if you acted like you were wanted and asserted yourself as follow through, things will start to look up.

We all have balls, it's just a question of finding them.

*Taylor*

[ForbiddenWindow]

Wow, I couldnt have said it better myself! Kudos Taylor!

[arana]

Tasha...

My advice is to start looking in the mirror and ACT like you are wanted. If you had enough backbone to leave your ex husband, you have enough backbone to stand straight up, glare the world in the face and take what you desire. Of course there's hard work involved, but -- I bet if you acted like you were wanted and asserted yourself as follow through, things will start to look up.

We all have balls, it's just a question of finding them.

*Taylor*

Nicely put Taylor.

[Herbwoman39]

*gasps* a proper lady does NOT give the middle finger!!!!

Maybe that's the problem sweetie. There's a quote that I think is applicable here; "Well behaved women rarely make history".

Maybe it's time you dig down deep and find that "pissed off" part of you that fuels determination.

Sometimes you have to stop trying to "find" a way and make the path for yourself. If you want to move, google "best places to live in Canada", make the decision, sell off everything that you can't live without (that includes pots pans etc because you can always buy those when you get there), get the grocery store to transfer your job to where you want to move, then use whatever the Canadian equivalent of apartment finders is, get a place, get on a bus and go.

The only thing stopping you, is you. Everyone else can go take a flying leap.

[TashaSW]

lol.... i just don't like the F word But it doesn't mean I don't THINK it *grins*

I don't think theres a Safeway in Ontario?? thought it was only a west coast store in canada/usa. I may be wrong tho.
Im still doing research

I am in the process of selling on ebay or throwing out things that aren't important to me So far its been a easy task. lol I am surprised at the amount of things I have that I don't care about or like. lol
And I agree, sell things (or throw out if its to old) too that I can easily rebuy in the new location such as pots and pans.

Its hard to find a city lol I want to move to areas I know people in. Still looking on google

Maybe that is my problem... just the wrong place for me to be in... sure it may be the perfect place for my parents and other family members here but, its just not me.

Tasha

[Artist]

Dear Tasha,

I know how too well how it feels to be unwanted. I won't offer any platitudes, but I can tell you one thing: geography doesn't matter. People, I've found, are the same everywhere. The trick is to find people who are like you. I know that's not always easy, but, trust me, such people are very near you.

I found, in my past, that despair was something that consumed me. Once you've given up on finding people, they might be right next to you, but you don't see them.

I don't want to bore you with my life story, but, trust me, I've known isolation and desperation in spades. Now I've reached an age and a time where I've found happiness, and I'd love to help you get to where I find myself.

Take care, my friend.

John

[DiamondDog]

Tasha,
There's no one "perfect" place for anyone, like no magical place where everything is 100% perfect for you and everyone else, and everything just happens to fall into place and all that.

I'd like to second what artist said. You're in the area where you're at NOW so find people who you have things with in common there. Even if it's just one person that can make a huge difference.

As far as feeling unwanted goes, everyone in the world has felt that at one point or another.

Taylor is correct! Act like you're wanted, keep a positive attitude in general, and people will want to meet you. Remember that things take time, and that it might not happen overnight but if you do little things to change yourself you will eventually change into the person that you want to become.

Also, don't be in such a hurry. Friendships and relationships take time and effort and it can sometimes take years to find one person who you want a relationship with and someone who wants a relationship with you like you do with them.

[TashaSW]

Wow.... its interesting to see my long dead posts show up.
*checks the date* June 13th.....

Well, I don't know what to say..... cause I don't feel unwanted right now, im actually very happy.

Time to put the dead post back to the grave.

[elian]

You may feel lonely, as sometimes humans do .. but you are never alone - remember you have friends here, and others who feel the same way you do.

You know, growing up abused has a tendency to make you think you are worth less than the typical human. A lot of people - male role models actually - told me that I was stupid and never would amount to anything. I worked hard as hell to prove them wrong and I've come a very long way. I've proved five times over that I'm worthy. Yet still, for a very long time I felt as if I could never do enough to get the "less than human" idea out of my head.

I realize now that those ideas were wrong thinking.

Believing that others still loved me even when I could not love myself, having faith in myself even when I FELT stupid and knowing that EACH person is a spark of the divine saved my life more than one time.

In my life experience I have come to the conclusion that the universe does not waste a single drop of energy. With the passage of time I have come to realize that what felt like needless suffering at the time was meaningful in a way.

Having to question my own orientation gave me the gift of an open mind. Growing up in an abusive household around drugs gave the experience to be able to talk openly and honestly with people about that. Being a survivor, and overcoming it gave me the ability to speak from the heart and offer encouragement to others who are now in a similar situation.

Tasha, I can't tell you which direction to take in life, only you can truly walk the path of your own life. I can only light signposts to show you that you DON'T have to walk alone.

People surely get wrapped up in the material world here, they forget to listen, and they have so much undercurrent running through their conscious minds that they forget what is truly important..in this day and age it is especially wicked.

Forgive them, they ARE human..and know that you ARE loved. I would rather have one decent loving friendship than 50 lustful fleeting encounters in a dark room some place any day.

[elian]

Glad you are feeling better!!

[LoveLion]

aww Tasha honey, Sorry your feeling bad. Living in a crappy town on top of being deaf, on top of being bi/gay must be quite isolating. I send you hugs and love.

If your thinking of Ontario there are a couple good places to live as a youth. Ottawa is gorgeous and its a good sized city. Big enough to have lots to do yet small enough to not be a pain to live in. Its also got a few Uni/collages so there are always good youth things going on.

If your thinking of something smaller, Coberg could be an option. It may not be as nice looking as Ottawa, but its a smaller town and its connected to the GO system, so getting in and out of Toronto is easy and fast when you want to experience the big city.

Steer Clear of towns like Belleville (unless you like living in a retirement community), Oshawa (the hideous version of Coberg), Cornwall (unless you like living under the stink cloud of the paper mill). Kingston is ok, decent size, enough to do, but its a little institutionalized. Theres Toronto which is an awesome city, but Living there can be heavy on the pockets (especially anything right in the city)

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

hello tasha.....it would be wise 2 not act but look in the mirror and tell ur self u r wanted b/c if u r acting u r tellin ur self a lie but 2 tell ur self ur wanted it's like believing in ur self more that u know r wanted i always feel rejected and unwanted and sometime i always feel like i am not able 2 be loved but i always get my strength and courage from prayer and believing in ur self more not acting

[onewhocares]

Tasha...So many have given such great advice...especially Taylor and Herbwoman. May I ask you a question? Here it is two months since the last posts from you.....how have things changed? If they have how did they occur? I have always believed that the only one who can change us is ourselves. And for ME, it is so hard for me to have to admit that I have to be the one to change, mostly cause it hurts so much. But when I have faced myself in the mirror and somehow (many times I don't even have a clue how I did manage) change, I am happier, or lets say relieved. Then it is one day at a time picking up the pieces.

Please let me know how you are doing dear young lady. You may not see this, but I and others view you as a very strong woman with lots to give and to share. Perhaps no one has shown this to you in the right light....yet.

Belle