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  1. #61

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by fuscialadybug
    MILF? Can someone please explain?
    MILF (n) Mother I'd Like to F***

    Just FYI
    Last edited by swbell3; Jun 24, 2007 at 4:17 AM.

  2. #62

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    You're not so bad! I think you're still hot.

    I am 47 now, and I find that it's harder to meet people than when I was younger. I still get approached by men on the street, only not as much as when I was younger...and I'm glad of it because it made me uncomfortable. Most people our age are monogamous and married, so that's why it's hard to connect--it's NOT because you're so unattractive that no one would want you!

    I've actually met some cool people through online dating sites (particularly Poly Matchmaker, which I recommend). I came out in my profile because I thought it was important to let people know up front that I'm bi. Of course, I had to weed out the wankers by saying don't contact me for cheating on your wife, three-ways, to get you into a sex club, etc.

    Another way is to join a Meetup group in your area organized around polyamory (you'd be surprised how many exist in different cities). Even if you don't meet any potential loves that way, it's a great way to meet new people and have fun, which will make you happier during this dry spell.

    Finally, keep in mind that it's not just you. Probably there are very few of us out there who haven't been through a period of celibacy (and loneliness, and frustration). It's tough to go through that and it feels like it'll last forever. (Like the one I went through last winter!) But if you are able to reach out enough, it won't, fifty years old or not.

    Best wishes to you!

  3. #63

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    My honest opinion is that suicide would be your best bet. Maybe wait until the boy's 18, but then just end it all. It's got to suck to be old and fat.

  4. #64

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by kingofthejunglists
    My honest opinion is that suicide would be your best bet. Maybe wait until the boy's 18, but then just end it all. It's got to suck to be old and fat.


    well that was completely appropriate and not stupid in any way shape or form...

  5. #65

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    You are as sexy and hot as the person you are.

    Think otherwise and it will be that way.

    Chin up, the world is not ready for us

    Cheers
    Oscar

  6. #66

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    NEVER GIVE UP- NEVER SURRENDER -
    I think your still hot sheela

    TOO MANY AGEAPHOBIC PEOPLE TODAY LOL
    Last edited by *pan*; Jul 1, 2007 at 3:17 PM.

  7. #67

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Youre still hot. Don't let others say you are not. I seen that pic, and I think you're attractive.
    MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  8. #68

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I understand how frustrating a change in perception of the "public" can be sometimes. Being ill does not help. However, I think there is more purpose in life and relationships than the bedroom. Sure, who doesn't love to be loved and touched. Absolutely it's a basic human need. But you know, there are a lot of ways to get there and sometimes in order to be touched, one needs to reach out and touch.

    There are a lot of people who have lived their whole lives never really being appreciated, or touched or loved. The strength of people to persist in that kind of deprivation is phenomenal.

    There are people in hospices, retirement homes, halfway houses, women shelters, schools, universities etc with people who would just love someone to give them a hug, hold their hand, or listen to them.

    Even the doctor's office can give one opportunity to touch people's lives...ease the anxiety or the boredom of the wait, share a story or two and listen.

    No it's not wild sex. But it can be just as meaningful. And who knows?

    I love optimism. I do. My great grandmother out-jigged the mayor of her town when she was 92. Life isn't over until you say it is.
    Catherine

  9. #69

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Sheela I'm one of those who thinks you're hot :-) What amazing hair you have :-)

    I totally agree with the tone and content of your post which kicked off this whole discussion. There is absolutely nothing wonderful about aging, and in my opinion mother nature (I'm not giving capitals because she doesn't deserve it) is a total cretin.

    Yes, as we get older we become more and more invisible. And there's no getting around the fact that physically we become less and less attractive. There is nothing sexy about a wrinkled up old neck.

    Workwise, we get passed over for young people with little knowledge or skills, and little commitment either. It's assumed that our grey cells have leaked out over the years.

    I'm not going to pretend to be optimistic about all this because I've got no intention of living in a fool's paradise for the rest of my life. I'm just getting on with stuff that matters to me, trying to milk out whatever pleasures in life are left. My work, my children and grandchildren, my sport as long as I can play it. I'm lucky to have a husband to share things with but there is that loneliness in my life that I have to face now will probably never be resolved. My time has gone.

    This is the truth of getting old.

    Sheela I'm so glad that you have your activism to provide you with real pleasure. I'm not really an activist, so much as someone who works in the background to spread information and knowledge. And my work in mental health is a source of purpose and pleasure. I think as we get older this stuff becomes more and more important.

    Maslow called it the "generative stage" and at times I wonder do we move into this by choice, or because it's all that's left?

  10. #70

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I was very hot. I am still very hot. I am just retired from the constant need of reassurance that I am hot.

    Life changes -- you change with it whether you like it or not. Honestly, many people have had very serious illnesses -- some of those illnesses take
    your hormones and hence your identity. Then you realize "hey ... I'm looking at things a different way now and I like it. I like the freedom of not being emotionally wrecked by someone else."

    Sorry Sheela but to me you are feeling sorry for yourself.

    There are many issues and causes that would benefit from a loving and kind human being. Stop thinking with your ego.

  11. #71

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Let me start by saying I find you soo sexy that i would ravish you and totally delight you in limitless pleasures. I am also having to deal with the passage of time on my body my hair is grey, my waistline is at a dimension I would never have imagined but i still in my mind conserve the feelings of youth that I had when I was in my 20's. I however am a much more skilled and attentive lover. Maybe I can't cum 5 or 6 times anymore in one night I may not be as athletic in bed but I have learned the art of a slow hand, the attention to detail. the importance of communication. Experience does have it's rewards. Sweetie I no longer seek to perform in bed I choose to have fun and be with those who equally are able to have fun as well

  12. #72

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie altamonte View Post
    Let me start by saying I find you soo sexy that i would ravish you and totally delight you in limitless pleasures. I am also having to deal with the passage of time on my body my hair is grey, my waistline is at a dimension I would never have imagined but i still in my mind conserve the feelings of youth that I had when I was in my 20's. I however am a much more skilled and attentive lover. Maybe I can't cum 5 or 6 times anymore in one night I may not be as athletic in bed but I have learned the art of a slow hand, the attention to detail. the importance of communication. Experience does have it's rewards. Sweetie I no longer seek to perform in bed I choose to have fun and be with those who equally are able to have fun as well

    You are a young man with a good perspective on how to maintain happiness as you growing older.
    Please, be sure and keep your outlook on life! Us, even older, happy people need new recruits.

    JEM
    JEM

  13. #73

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I am new to the bisexual community as well as this website so forgive the late response. I was just browsing thru the comments and was literally floored by this piece. Your writing style is so, I can't even find the right word, all I know is you write the way I think and I find it so illuminating. I would like to converse with you, if at all possible, sometime. I'm not suggesting I would have anything even remotely interesting to say to you but I'm new to Philadelphia and I'm finding it hard to connect with people; we live in an ever increasingly isolating time. If your interested, and when you have time, I'd love to hear from you. No pressure, of course. I'm leo32.

    Lovely to have met you!

  14. #74

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Thank you for sharing this article with all of us. It really put things into perspective for me about why I'm on sites like this and what a bitch it is to find a good relationship (or even a good date).

    god, I mean your article is beautiful, so I'm having a hard time trying to comment on it. just thank you love, and good luck.

    You are still hot and beautiful to me.
    I like cheesecake

  15. #75

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Your still a hotty in my book.

  16. #76

    Wink Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Sheela...I am 32 & the other day a 20 yr old woman on the internet told me I wasn't hot. I was like, "I know I'm much older than you, but I'm not 80 or something!" *sigh* It's hard letting go of the youthful vibe & accepting the wrinkles that are quickly forming on my body. However, I am proud of the wisdom that comes w/ each passing year & the financial stability that I have now that I never had when I was young.

    Last edited by Bloodflower; Mar 2, 2008 at 12:38 AM.
    "these flowers will never fade..."

    "Being bisexual doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night." Woody Allen.

  17. #77

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    My wife is almost 50 and she is still hot....it just comes in flashes now!

  18. #78

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by BareHunter45 View Post
    My wife is almost 50 and she is still hot....it just comes in flashes now!
    LOL
    Take her to see Menopause! The musical!

    There are songs about hot flashes, craving chocolate, and I'm sure they had a song about how once you hit LOL THE PAUSE how your womb is now and will be forever barren!

  19. #79

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Sheela,

    People can be so cruel you know. Those people you met years ago..well, it seems they must not have been real 'true' friends in the first place. Where are they all now? Now that you have grown older, wiser, have an illness, and might need them? I think that is down right cruel !!

    To me you are one 'hot' lady simply because you are so intelligent, honest, and also funny. Also, I absolutely LOVE your hair!! Omg...I'd die for a head of hair like that honey. I'm 48 and mine gets thinner all the time.

    Honestly though, you made me stop and think about life and the people in it. I knew already that there are some real jerks out there, but to read your article it really brings it into perspective. When these people you speak of (maybe some of them are there already) get to be older, they will hurt deeply for the way they have done others. And, you know what, they deserve it .. ten fold. I just can't imagine being friends with someone as brilliant as you, and just walking away. Are they stupid??? You are one awesome lady in my eyes. And beauty...dear lady..you have it!!

    I am not writing this to make you "feel better" at all. I'm writing this from my heart. I mean every word. May all those heartless people wake up tomorrow with their teeth missing, and BALD!

    You just keep on writing and being who you are. The right person will come along..I just know it!

    Big hugs to you dear lady. You are amazing and beautiful!
    Phyllis

  20. #80

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    i would never say you were no longer hot, growing old is manditory growing up is optionial lol. there will always be someone younger or older who will see the beauty in you as i do. you just stopped being in the flesh market when you reach a certian age. people tend to take an involvement more seriously and anyone who comes on to you now more likely to be sicencere. personaly i like older people, most seem to know what they want and are more stable. i would rather find someone a littel older then myself that is stable and sicencere then a young person who dosent know what they want and is enexpirenced. just my thoughts on this of course. peace and blessings > pan /|\

  21. #81

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by biwords View Post
    Sheela still looks pretty hot to me.
    You said it Biwords! I wouldn't kick 'er outa bed fer eatin' crackers.

  22. #82

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    My previous smart assed comment aside (do not think I didn't mean it though), That was a beautiful article. You touched my heart. Age is an issue for me as well because I denied my sexuality until I was almost 40. I now seem to be swimming in pool with much younger more out going bisexuals. I've never really been much of a swinger, prefering at least some kind of relationship along with the sex, even if only friendship.
    I've been diagnosed with diabetes for about half a year now and the prospect of possible erectile disfunction is very real and very scary. So I can relate (to some extent) to each of the issues you presented. Like I said you touch me in a place I try to keep hidden away and I thank you for your beautiful words.

  23. #83

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I seem to remember posting this comment before (alz??).
    If it were not for mirrors and calendars, would I feel like I am 30 (or is that 39?).
    Go for the gusto! Enjoy the ride. I do.
    Dirty old men need love too.

  24. #84

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Magick View Post
    I've been diagnosed with diabetes for about half a year now and the prospect of possible erectile disfunction is very real and very scary. So I can relate (to some extent) to each of the issues you presented. Like I said you touch me in a place I try to keep hidden away and I thank you for your beautiful words.
    Thank you so much for your touching reply. Sorry to hear about the diabetes. Chronic illness can be tough.

    I didnt realize my article was still garnering replies. Thanks to everyone else who posted wonderful and supportive comments to my article since I last checked.

    I have started a blog called Bidar (think gaydar except bi) since I wrote this article, covering bisexuality in media, arts and culture. Besides the fact that it's fun to write about bisexuality all the time, I have been able to get free tickets to queer plays and events in exchange for posting about them in Bidar. So I'm getting out a bit more and doing fun things. You can check out my blog here:
    Bidar: reporting on bisexuality in media, arts and culture. Go to http://biwriters.livejournal.com/ or http://www.biwriters.org/pages/embeddedblogI.html
    or http://www.biwriters.org/indexI.html and click on Bidar.
    Last edited by fuscialadybug; May 23, 2008 at 12:22 PM. Reason: more coherent

  25. #85

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    I don't know how Sheela figures she is not hot. I think she is HOT,HOT, HOT.
    Wish she lived near me so we could meet.
    I refuse to grow old.
    Life is what happens while you are trying to please others

  26. #86

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Hi Sheela. I'm in my 50s and new to this site but up to a few months ago belonged to hetero dating sites here in UK. Even though over 50 I had loads of replies from men apparently dying to meet me which felt great - much needed after years of being ignored at home. And I was surprised that a lot of these men who were interested in me were up to 15 years younger than me, and attractive as well! And those I got close to didn't seem to mind some very nasty scarring following major surgery.

    BUT so far women seem to be very different. I have joined several bi dating sites and most of the women seem to be in their 20s or 30s but even those in their 40s or 50s did not seem remotely interested in me. Forgive me if I am wrong but I am under the impression that women are into the stereotype of the young beautiful female being the desired target, and older women are just not desirable at all. To be honest it is beginning to put me off trying to do anything about being bi. As others have said, we women do look after ourselves well and tend to look much younger than our years, so maybe it's best to just go to bi bars and clubs instead. Or maybe it's best to be celibate! But I do agree that not being held and stroked and all that goes with a physical relationship does present a bleak future, even if at least you don't have to waste all those hours gazing at your mobile wondering why he hasn't contacted you, yet again!!!

    An excellent article, and glad you seem to be on the up and up now!

    Gina xxx

  27. #87

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Well, I read this and started to freak out... I recently turned 40 and started to pursue the other possibilities. What does that mean for me, Am I dried up before I even have the chance to partake?

  28. #88

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Rejection, the thing many of us hate the most. I'm now 60, and I can relate to much of what you wrote. At the age of 19 till 27 I was a boy toy for older women. I was in demand, and I was kept busy. I married at the age of 27, but the wife and I had an open relationship. She was HOT and also in high demand so we were both busy. At 35 things really slowed down. Now I had the time to devote to my interest in men, and things picked back up. Then at the age of 50, things really slowed on both fronts. No longer am I interesting to women, but I am no longer interesting to men either. Then the wife had ovarian cancer and her interest wained. My wife would never say no to me, but I had to initiate interest. Then at 55 my wife's youngest sister Mary moved in with us, and my wife had her take over what she felt were her sexual duties. My wife told me, "Just think a younger, beautiful blond, who likes sex". The men in my life completely dropped out of the picture. My drive is just as strong as it was when I was 19. But both my wife and Mary have slowed down. I am no longer a thing of interest to other women or men. The rejection screams in my face, but like my Dad told me "it is something I have to live with".

    I do feel very fortunate that I have two loving women in my life that do everything they can to help me out. And I love them both dearly. In my mind I feel 19, but my body keeps telling me I am 60.

  29. #89

    Red face Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    This really struck a chord with me as I met a lady today and we were talking about this exact subject. We both would love to hook up with porn stars but given our body types it just isn't in the cards. I have a feeling we will turn out to be each other's "porn star" eventually but that is the reality.

    Isn't it funny that bi women can make the call as to when they are no longer attractive to 21 year olds, but it is so hard for straight men to do the same? No insult meant there, just a comment. I used to laugh whenever I saw the "old guy in the club" and resolved to never be the old girl in the club.

    I am the same way - I used to model but gained weight steadily throughout my twenties, until I ended up at a size 18. I've worked it down to a 16, which is definitely much nicer on me as it has subtracted some icky looking jowls, but I'm still up there and it will take a hell of a lot more effort to tamp it down further. I have developed some healthier habits since taking some time to develop my at-home business, but don't expect to be down to a 12 anytime soon.

    Oh yeah and from your pic, you are definitely still hot. No question about that. All I can say is if a girl can't get used to a few wrinkles how can she be bisexual - I've licked more than a few "wrinkles" in my day if you get my meaning

  30. #90

    Re: I Am No Longer Hot

    Older and Forgotten!

    I believe that as we get older we may get bolder, please let me explain my current situation………..

    My wife and I no longer have an active sex life together and she seems to have other priories in her life. Over the last few years or so she has loss most of her immediate family members. Now her life is all about spending most of her time with her daughters and their children. So sex is not one of her priorities due to the “change of life” issue that comes with getting older. Understand that this is both our second marriage. I love my wife very much. That much is very true and but I am still very human and I have needs also. I really love women…at least that what I've been telling myself for years since my early teen years.

    A short history of my life is in order before I go on. I grew up in a home with my four (4) brothers and sexuality was rarely talked about. The main messages I remember when growing up as a young catholic boy was a man must be married to have sex and it must be with a woman and any sexual thoughts about another man and your own body was considered to be sinful. Remembering when I began masturbating, knowing that it was sinful and I went through a great deal of internal turmoil. I loved the feeling and touching my penis, making it hard, and eventually ejaculating. I do not remember fantasizing about men or woman. I just enjoyed giving myself pleasure, but that was still a sin.

    I had my first sexual encounter was around the age of thirteen. The person that I had sex with was our former babysitter. She really was not much older than I was I think she must of been sixteen (16) or so because she was driving a 55 Chevy convertible that her dad had gotten for her sixteen birthday as I remember. One summer night she had picked me up from the neighbor grocery store that I had been worked at. We had ridden around for a while and had stop to grab a hamburger. After we had finished she had found a nice quiet place to park and she gave me my first oral experience, a mind-blowing blowjob. As time passed and on later dates she introduced me to the joys sexual intercourse. We had sex several times off and on for the next several years. Throughout my early teenage years I had managed to have sex with as many girls as I had found many female partners to engage in sex as often as I wished. At the same time, I would continue to have sex with my very first girlfriend.

    I still remember still another night when an older man (probably in his late 60’s or so) who live up the street a few houses came by near closing time and ask if I could stop by and give him a hand moving something. Little did I know that he was a dirty old man? When I arrived he ask me follow him into his bedroom and started asking me different questions about sex. He asked if I ever had sex or a blowjob and I had answered yes from a girlfriend of mine. He then asked if I would like one now and I said from whom, as he reached out and touched me. Well I started getting hard and could not say no. After all “warm moist lips are warm moist lips”. And as time passed he had always wanted to do more. Looking back now, I know that what happened to me was wrong and it shaped much of my life.

    Like many, when we were younger we either get stuck in the wrong role until we realize the mismatch or we have encountered opportunities to discover who we really are. I would hate to think of what my life would be like if I was still stuck in my junior high mindset. It might surprise you to know that I was all that interested in male sex, thinking it as something only gays enjoyed or that it would not be that much fun. Oh how I have learned so much since then. I am lucky though I escaped the limiting mindset of my small town school mentality and burst forth into an almost endless frontier of erotic possibilities. There are few things that I do not know if I will ever try, but there are many more enjoyable positions, role-playing, mindsets and roles that I am sure that I would enjoy interchanging. I do not discriminate now; I enjoy company of both women and men! Many years I believe that my first preference was to be with a woman but there are, some times that I crave the feeling of a smooth shaved (hairless) and hard phallus in my mouth and or maybe in my ass once again. I am glad that I got over the limits that American Society had set on me and I have now discovered what I enjoy and who I am. I would enjoy having some secure friends and have a conversation about your thoughts.

    How about your comments …
    Understand, life is but a short Journey, people must try to experience and enjoy any, and all, of various sexual opportunities that they can, while they are able to! The lasting memories can be great!

 

 

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