really confused bout a friend need advice

[rockthehouse87]

im a bi female and i work with one of my good friends. we were attached at the hip.then i got to wonderin one day maybe shes bi and doesnt wanna tell me. she wants me to go everywhere with her.calls me just to see what im doin when we r at work.she laughs at pretty much everything i say even when its not really funny. when im zoned out i feel like someones watchin me i look up and she looks away really fast and her face gets red.everytime she walks past me at work she smiles and her face gets red.then my other 2 friends started workin and thats when it got weird. i would be talkin to one of my other 2 friends and she seems to get mad and not talk to her, i pick her up and drop her off from work..she even doesnt want rides anymore. i ask her if sumthins wrong if she needs to vent bout sumthin or whatever and she says nothins wrong.when she sees im around my other 2 friends which r also girls she give me the look of death.one day out of nowhere she asked me if i wanted to go on a date with her and i was like huh then she laughed and said not a date date a girls day out so i went with her.she has told me shes never been with a girl but doesnt know if she will ever try it..idk i need advice i think i have a bit of a crush on her.is there any signs i can look for.like how do i know if shes flirtin or whatever. plz im new to this thanks

[Solomon]

personally, i think if you're ok with it, then go for it!

[Mrs.F]

I had a (girl) friend like that in high school. She attatched herself to me. I was to be with her at all times. She wanted me at her house on the weekends, if she went anywhere she wanted me to go with her. If I went out with other friends without her she would get mad and not speak to me. And then I met "Flounder" and started hanging out more with him and that didn't go over well at all. Our friendship pretty much ended after that because I was not going to deal with her moods and I'm certainly allowed to be with whoever I want to be with. I have since found out that she is lesbian and is living with a woman now and they have 2 or 3 kids. She got pregnant at a party right out of high school on a one night stand and I'm not sure how she got pregnant with her second one.

But anyway....maybe she's obsessed and maybe she is gay and just doesn't know how to deal with it. I think that was my friends problem....she seemed lost in how to go about her life.

[IDStewart]

But anyway....maybe she's obsessed and maybe she is gay and just doesn't know how to deal with it. I think that was my friends problem....she seemed lost in how to go about her life.

It's a proven fact. Straight Girls the Leading Cause of Angst Amoung Queer Women

[IDStewart]

idk i need advice i think i have a bit of a crush on her.is there any signs i can look for.like how do i know if shes flirtin or whatever. plz im new to this thanks

I think that if she gets jealous when she sees you talking to your gal pals, then it's more than just flirting. If your friend were a guy how would you interpret the signals?

Have you taken her up on her offer? If not, I would suggest a coffee date or something like that. Nothing too serious, just see how things go. This is also a good chance to get to know her outside of an office environment without any expectations.

That being said, there are a few things to keep in mind. If she is a closet case, there's a whole lot of emotional baggage that comes along with that. Also, if memory serves, Upstate NY isn't the most accepting of environments. Assuming that the first date goes well, are you prepared to be viewed as a lesbian couple?

I'm on a lesbian board called TechnoDykes. You may want to drop by, read some of the "coming out" stories and talk to the ladies. While it's mostly lesbians (with a couple of gay men thrown in for good measure ), there are a number of bi women on there.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

[Just_Gem]

Hey Rock
Reading your post then the replies, a couple other questions and cautions came to mind. One possibility has been addressed already so I won't repeat those.

Before you go any further, take a look at a couple things.

Does this girl have other friends? I've known some people that are very needy and focus their attentions on one person to the exclusion of all others, and are not bi or gay. They just don't know how to spread their friendships out to include more than 1 person at at time. These people though very needy will eventually burn you out with their dependence on you as they take up more and more of your time in an effort to "control" who you are with, trying to be the only 1. For some reason since they cannot spread their attentions to others they cannot seem to understand your need to have more than 1 friend at at time and will react, as you indicated she does, with anger and withdrawl. This behavior can be called passive-aggresive and is aimed at you in an attempt to get you to drop all other contacts and be totally with them.

Secondly, and it has been suggested but take a look at it.

Does she react the same way when you are with a male as when you are with another female? If so, see above. If not, then perhaps you have not really picked up on her signals, until now, that perhaps she would like to go further with you than just being friends.

The behaviors, as you stated can be those of either a jealous potential lover or of someone who cannot be friends with more than 1 at a time. Take a good look at this before going any further. If it turns out that she is just a jealous potential lover, maybe pursue it. Caution here though is that should things not work out, especially since you work together and are in a very poor area of the country for acceptance of bi & gay people (I'm originally from nw PA - the same type of environment) ask yourself - are you ready to accept the concequences of a bad ending and what kind of things she may say about you if it goes bad.

Good luck with this, and yes, keep us posted!


Gem

[rockthehouse87]

hey everyone sorry it took me so long to update.well im still confused. she has a boyfriend now. but she tells me her guy friend or the guy i talk to. she wont talk about her bf with me its like she don't want me to know she has one. if she has a bf does that mean she might not like me? or does that not really matter?its gotten to the point to where she has stopped comein to get me for all breaks at work. and she wont talk to me at all if me and my other friend r in the same room as her she just stares and stares at me.think she was teasin me one day she got burned tannin and she pulled her hair up and the back of her shirt and then she turned around a pulled her pants down a bit to show me where she got burned there too.ive gone to pick her up for work and when ive gotten there her bf is parked there and she comes and gets in my car and i asked her if shes gonna go with her bf and she just gets in my car and shuts the door. doesnt that seem alittle strange?.. she keeps tellin me she wants to get me drunk she wants to see me drunk....the one day we were gonna and 2 hrs befor she bailed said sumthin came up she said she was gonna call me but she never did...well thats all for now anymore advice if appreciated thanks

[Solomon]

sounds to me like ya might wanna insist on sitting down over a coffee an ask her about her intentions....

if she's very indecisive, it's probably time to cut the cord unfortunately

i seriously doubt that you wanna put your life on hold while she's makin up her mind

on the other hand if she's open to finding out what it's like to be with a woman, then i'd definately find out the story on her an her bf....

i also have doubts that you would want to be used in some way for her to just get attention from him or whatever's going on between them

[BreeIsMe]

to me, it sounds like she wants you and you want her.

Why not just sit down in a comfortable place, after work or away from work and just bring up what you are thinking..see where it leads...

I know its hard but I think you will be glad you did..

Good Luck

Bree

[rockthehouse87]

hey thanks everyone for the advice. today was kinda strange. got into work my hair was messed up from the wind. she came over to me and fixed my hair for me. i mean she didnt even say anythin to me first bout it she just reached out and fixed my hair for me.then we were walkin outside next to eachother and she kept movin closer and closer towards me. id walk slow shed walk slow. id start walkin fast shed start walkin fast....idk things keep gettin stranger and stranger .....i think im gonna have a talk with her tomarrow.i wish she would make up her mind

[shavednuts]

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. She is just afraid to step over that line from friend to more than friends. If it has never really been talked about between the two of you, then it is hard to bring it up. You may have to be the one to make the next move. The fact that her actions are repeated over and over could be a signal that she has gone as far as she is willing to go. You both don't want to hurt the friendship, but not talking about it could be causing more problems then just talking about it and dealing with the result. Now it might be your turn to make a move. She may be a little frustrated that she can't just tell you how she feels so she gets angry/jealous. One of you just has to bring it up and deal with it. It may take a few drinks before that happens....lol, but it seems like it might solve some of the issues between you and her.

[DiamondDog]

Find someone else who knows/accepts who they are, someone who knows what they want, and who isn't a tease!

Also if she's a good friend, do you really want to risk your friendship just for sex? I've done this and it works fine for me but not everyone can or wants to do this and there are certain friends of mine who have asked for sex and I haven't done anything since it would ruin our friendship.

I'm not saying that your friend IS a tease or anything but your story just reminds me of people I know who say that they're into me and then they'll ask for sex and then pretend that it's all a joke.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B]Yep, in some ways it sounds like she is afraid to make that step over the proverbial line. She may have the desires to say something, but the "Being Bi" stigma might be holding her back. Time to get things out in the air, Sweetie. Make a date with her in a place where you wont be distrubed and just lay everything out. But do it gently, dont scare her. Just talk first, then if you feel she's ready for it, perhaps a tiny sweet, gentle kiss. If she wants more, she'll let you know. But its the best option to be up front and honest with her and find where things stand.
Kat[/B]

[godowntogether]

You have to talk to her, if you don't you'll never know what's on her mind. Maybe the reason she got a boyfriend is she wants to be with you but is afraid she'll be rejected so she got him so she is not alone. I don't really know what to tell you other than you are going to have to make the first move or you'll never know. I hope everything works out great for you.

[shameless agitator]

Yeah, It sounds to me like she really wants you but is afraid to come right out and say so. That may or may not have any thing to do with the stigma of bisexuality, she could just be afraid of rejection. Does she know that you're into women? This whole thing reminds me of myself and my ex. I was head over heels for this woman and she kept dropping subtle hints for me like your friend is doing, but I could never believe I was interpreting them right. I figured she was out of my league & couldn't actually be interested in me, so I must be misinterpreting her comments. She finally wound up having to shove me up against the wall & stick her tongue down my throat before I got it. That was 16 years ago & she's still my best friend and occasional lover. I'm not suggesting you necessarily take it to that level, but an encouraging look, a soft touch can go a long way. Several people have suggested a date & I think that's a good idea, but you need to differentiate it from just friends having coffee, hence a touch, maybe a light kiss, etc. Good luck with this one.

[the mage]

hehe ...you got a real closet case bangin on the door from the inside trying to get out to you.

Get this person alone, straight (non drunk), and talk calmly about life and how you got where you are. If its going to happen it will then.

[stoker]

kiss her

[sparti]

Your friend sounds like she definately likes you and well is the jealous type. She also, sounds very smothering, and that could be a problem. I would normally say go for it and see if it works out, but, in this case i don't see it working out long and i see you wanting out and having a hard time doing it. Be carefull here.

[darkeyes]

God..werya dredge this up from, Stoker? Bit ole hat now... if they aint snogged now unlikely they eva will... the OP willa died a old age waitin for advice from Stoker an Sparti

[vittoria]

God..werya dredge this up from, Stoker? Bit ole hat now... if they aint snogged now unlikely they eva will... the OP willa died a old age waitin for advice from Stoker an Sparti

no sh*t dOOd!!! LMMFAO (where did they get this old chestnut from?)

[sysper]

i know it's been years but...what happened? i would of asked point blank, do u like me? ur friend was giving off all kinds of signals which might mean that. a calm friendly voice reassuring her it's allright could help her.

[redngoldpride]

Get her somewhere alone just you and her look her in the eyes and kiss her , hold her close and tight and kiss her, really kiss her like she is already your lover

[cbb83]

Her last activity was 2013, Sysper, I doubt she's still with us here.

[sysper]

oh well i tried :| lol