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  1. #1

    HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.

  2. #2

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I am married and bi-but do not play on the side.It still causes problems in a marriage.

  3. #3

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    married and bi oral here. Only time I play is going to bookstores or adult theaters by myself....love to be watched while giving a bj

  4. #4

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by my-00-stang
    HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.
    Man up, bro. Tell the wife what's up, if she doesn't like it, tough shit. If you've got small children then that's something to consider, but even then, you've gotta be true to yourself, marriage be damned.

  5. #5

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    y not tell?

  6. #6

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I came out to my wife about a year ago. Gone through hell but we are still together - and get on really well.In many ways it has brought us together. I thought she would chuck me out for certain when she found out -but she has been brilliant.
    I am finding it incredibly difficult to come to terms with (coming out) and it has taken a huge toll on my emotional stability - but hell, no one said it was going to be easy.

  7. #7

    Unhappy Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    There is no way I could come out to my wife without losing everything, both emotionally and financially. Even though she's not interested in sex, if she ever found out that I was visiting this site, it would be over.

  8. #8

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I too am married and secretly bi. Like "skuz", I would lose everything if she found out. We still have our fun in the bedroom together, but I like to play around on the side, even if most of the time it's in my fantasy-filled. Mostly it's horny e-chat, bi/gay porn on internet, etc. I do have a buddy in another town that I hook up with when I travel down his way for work, but mostly it's fantasy world and a slick hand that gets me through "my other me".

  9. #9

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I have been Bi for a long time, known it in my heart. But I have never explored that side yet, only been a fantasy. My wife of 17 years knows about my bi-desires and in the past she gave me free reign to explore my sexuality but I had not found a person to be comfortable with to get up the nerve to take the next step. Asked her how she would feel if I actually found a guy partner she replied she didn't exactly like the idea of "sharing" me with someone else but that she would understand. With 3 young kids and a loving, understanding wife why would I want to mess that up?

    Lately my urges have drawn me more to sites like this, hopes of finding a person in the same situation.. blah blah blah. Now to gently tell the wife that I am ready for this next step... maybe she can participate... maybe she doesn't want any part of it. I sensed her fear that I may love the bi lifestyle more than our relationship and leave her high and dry. So I need to tread carefully. I don't want to lose her. If I sense that it would be more trouble than it's worth I won't go there.

    my-00-stang- now that you are outed you have to open up the dialog w/the wife. wingnut is right, fess up. It may take a while but she may be able to come to some understanding if she is open minded. Or maybe she's opposed to that lifestyle and won't budge. How important is it to you to keep your relationship with her? Communicate. Compromise. Sacrifice. Else get out and be true to yourself.

  10. #10

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I am in agreement with a good number of responders here. If my wife found out, I would be looking for a new home quick-smart! My wife has never understood, will not tolerate my best friend (a female in a long term relationdship with a same sex partner) and has never had any leanings that way herself.
    If she found out what I crave, she would be incensed. Yes, I'm man enough to put up with it but not with the children in mind. So I go on, internet trawling a nd occasionally meeting for a discussion with a male who I met locally. The frustration is immense and in an ideal world, I would partake fo extra-marital MMF threesomes with her knowledge but not her participation, then, staying clean and health conscious, go home and continue the good sex-less relationship with my wife and friend (That's the same person!)

  11. #11

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Both of my marriages failed, but not because of my sexuality; rather because of *repressing* my sexuality.

    I am finally comfortable enough with myself that if I ever get into a relationship again, I will let my partner know at the beginning where I'm coming from. This is who I am, and I cannot and will not change it. If you can't live with it and understand, then I can't live with you.

    Life is too short as it is.
    .

    He who binds to himself a joy
    Does the wingèd life destroy;
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies
    Lives in eternity's sunrise. William Blake

  12. #12

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    To me, marriage is the most solemn promise a person can make.

    It involves TOTAL DISCLOSURE to the other person, TOTAL TRUST in the other person, and UTMOST CONSIDERATION for the other person. Above all, it is about LOVE.

    You not only owe it to your wife to be honest about your orientation, but you owe it to yourself too.

    When my wife (who knew about my sexual history before we married although I did not consider myself "bisexual" any longer) helped me finally accept my orientation, it was as if my life improved in an instant. An incredible amount of stress and guilt evaporated instantly. She has even given me her blessing to have a male friend with benefits if I need or want one. This incredible thing did not happen overnight, it happened over years of being married to each other, being deeply in love with each other, and being HONEST with each other! So honest in fact, that she knew more about me than I knew about myself. She recognized that my heart is her's, and her's alone. She understood that my sexual attraction to other guys has nothing to do with my Love for her, or even with "love" in general, that it is a physical attraction that could never proceed beyond a friendship level.

    By hiding this (and it will surely come to light someday), you are only increasing the negativity of everyone's reaction when they find out. You are increasing the stress and tension you will have to cope with, and you risk demeaning your own self-worth by "hooking-up" behind her back. Part of you knows that doing so is wrong (otherwise you wouldn't feel this way about it and keep hiding it) and when you repeatedly engage in behavior that you know and feel is wrong, you increase your guilt and lower your own self-esteem.

    Please consider seeing a counselor for advice on this. Yes, finally admitting it out loud may not be the most enjoyable experience in the world while you are doing it, however it is one of the most rewarding, as it allows you to regain some honor by being honest, and it raises one's self esteem in so much that you are able to be honest and above board.

    Good luck to both you and your wife :D
    I believe that all mammals are inherently bisexual to one degree or another. Many of the greatest learned cultures in history accepted it. So... When did it suddenly become so wrong?


    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Midsouth_Bisexual_Guys_Support_Group/

  13. #13

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I am married and came out to my wife last year. I have been somewhat faithful so far, but I know I might give in to my desires sometime. It's not easy but it is better than always hiding.

    Isaac

  14. #14

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by Isaac Steel
    somewhat faithful
    Is that like "a little pregnant"? <g>

    He who binds to himself a joy
    Does the wingèd life destroy;
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies
    Lives in eternity's sunrise. William Blake

  15. #15

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I have absolutely no desire to disclose my homo-erotic fantasy life to my wife for similar reasons stated by others (I think she would kill me to death!). As it says in my profile, I haven't had sexual contact with a man in over 25 years but I lust for a cock pretty often. The urge to act on my lust is powerful but with a little prudence, self control, and a talented left hand I can remain true to her. As it stands, I will remain secretly bisexual until my wife discovers this web site (only bisexual one I post to) or she asks, and I hope she does neither cause I just don't want to go there.

  16. #16

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I totally agree. I recently told my wife that I had bisexual feelings and that I had gone through with oral with another guy. She was the most supportive and sensitive person I could ever imagine. I feel bad that I didn't tell her I was going to do it beforehand, but I did fess up, as I would never lie to her about anything. She accepts I am who I am, and my sexual attraction to men will not affect how much I love her.

    Quote Originally Posted by jedinudist
    To me, marriage is the most solemn promise a person can make.

    It involves TOTAL DISCLOSURE to the other person, TOTAL TRUST in the other person, and UTMOST CONSIDERATION for the other person. Above all, it is about LOVE.

    You not only owe it to your wife to be honest about your orientation, but you owe it to yourself too.

    snip

  17. #17

    Wink Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by my-00-stang
    HEY GUYS IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND HIDING YOUR BISEXUALITY FROM YOUR WIFE, HOW DO YOU DO IT AND ARE ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE. I AM MARRIED AND BI BUT MY WIFE FOUND MY SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT AND GOT THE PASSWORD SO I AM PAYING HELL RIGHT NOW.
    Im a female of 40, my husband is 30 and we have been maried for 4 months now.. when I first met him,(4 years ago )I was told he was gay.. we were best friends for a year and then something happened.. our relationship went from friends to lovers.. I found out, he was not gay, just bi.. I had no problem with that or him being gay.. I am bi, but never took the chance to persue any women at the time..( I had in the past, but not for awhile)
    we have been together as a couple for 4 years and we both do as we please with whom we please the only thing we will not do it be with the oppasite sex.
    with both of us, we were both married several years befor.(we didn't know each other at the time) our spouses knew,(we were bi) but when they found out we refused to be with the oppasite sex(group sex) they left us.. I feel god brought us together.. two of a kind and loving what we do...
    I think in today's world unless you have an open mind and are wiling to experimaent with the same sex, you haven't a clue as to how great a relationship can be.. I don't know about you, but Id much rather loose my man to another man then to another woman!! maybe Im alittle too open minded, but Im feeling great about my relationship!!
    Always,Sea

  18. #18

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by joxbear69
    I too am married and secretly bi. Like "skuz", I would lose everything if she found out. We still have our fun in the bedroom together, but I like to play around on the side, even if most of the time it's in my fantasy-filled. Mostly it's horny e-chat, bi/gay porn on internet, etc. I do have a buddy in another town that I hook up with when I travel down his way for work, but mostly it's fantasy world and a slick hand that gets me through "my other me".
    Thanks joxbear for your honesty. Your situation reminds me of Brokeback Mountain... I try to explain to folks that nothing has really changed all that much for bi guys since the days of Brokeback... but no one believes me. I guess that's why we have fiction, so that we can all process through the trauma we have as a society on the subject in our collective unconscious without having to deal with it in real life.

    The worst is that gay men all yell at me whenever I suggest that the men of Brokeback Mountain could have been bi. "They were gay, you idiot!" Ah well, more bigotry from our own cousins - this is what has really changed since then: Now it's ok for gays and lesbians to publicly bi-bash along with the straights - some improvement eh?
    "You know how Thomas Kuhn died? He heard 'paradigm shift' once too often."
    - Candace Pert, "The Body is Your Subconscious Mind"

  19. #19

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by bi-robin-calif
    Both of my marriages failed, but not because of my sexuality; rather because of *repressing* my sexuality.

    I am finally comfortable enough with myself that if I ever get into a relationship again, I will let my partner know at the beginning where I'm coming from. This is who I am, and I cannot and will not change it. If you can't live with it and understand, then I can't live with you.

    Life is too short as it is.
    .
    Hey Robin, I know so many bi men whose lives have been ruined either by keeping the secret or by coming out of the closet - so many who have not been able to progress developmentally along in their lives because society won't accept them as bi men.

    I would like to see a study of bi men one of these days... I can count about a half-dozen serious studies of bi women in my email over the past few years but not one that focused on or even included bi men. It would be nice to get some real data on the implications of being bisexual and male in our society.
    "You know how Thomas Kuhn died? He heard 'paradigm shift' once too often."
    - Candace Pert, "The Body is Your Subconscious Mind"

  20. #20

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by spartca
    Thanks joxbear for your honesty. Your situation reminds me of Brokeback Mountain... I try to explain to folks that nothing has really changed all that much for bi guys since the days of Brokeback... but no one believes me. I guess that's why we have fiction, so that we can all process through the trauma we have as a society on the subject in our collective unconscious without having to deal with it in real life.

    The worst is that gay men all yell at me whenever I suggest that the men of Brokeback Mountain could have been bi. "They were gay, you idiot!" Ah well, more bigotry from our own cousins - this is what has really changed since then: Now it's ok for gays and lesbians to publicly bi-bash along with the straights - some improvement eh?
    yeah I've written about how the men in brokeback mountain or at least the character of Ennis anyway, are bisexual on various message boards even on IMDB and people flip out and the topic eventually gets deleted or it gets ignored all together.

    Or when Brokeback was in theaters I took friends of mine who are from s.korea and hong kong to see it and afterwards they asked me if the men in the movie were bisexual and I said yes. I was very surprised since they're both from countries/cultures where queer sexuality isn't talked about at all unless it's in a negative way such as mental illness, sexual deviance, or HIV/AIDS. I'm out to them and it's not a big deal.

  21. #21

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by spartca
    It would be nice to get some real data on the implications of being bisexual and male in our society.
    And that the fact that you cannot find any relevant data is in itself quite chilling in its implications...

    He who binds to himself a joy
    Does the wingèd life destroy;
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies
    Lives in eternity's sunrise. William Blake

  22. #22

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    My husband was secretly bisexual until 2005, which is when I caught him on this site. He told me he had just packed it all away inside himself and used fantasy only. It wasn't until we had our first child and I was not interested in sex a whole lot that his fantasies started taking over more. Knowing that he had never done anything behind my back except join this site was a huge relief. He loved me and respected me enough to not do anything without my knowing. I'm not going to say I was completely ok with it when I found out but I dealt with it, learned alot from this site and listened to what it was my husband wanted. My love for him NEVER changed, nor did my views of him as a man, husband and father.

    I think alot of times...and this is due to our society..people don't understand and don't want too. I feel bad that my husband kept it all inside for as long as he did thinking I would leave if I knew. I didn't and I never will. I feel bad for men and women who have to hide. I don't like to see men and women playing behind their loved one's back...it's just wrong...but I have to say that for those that do it...I do understand, it's just sad it has to be that way.

  23. #23

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    The early years of my 23-year marriage were filled with frequent and great sex with my wife. But gradually she lost the desire to have sex with me, and recently we have had sex only a few times a year. Our best couple friends are two monogamous gay men, so I knew my wife wasn't homophobic. I was so horny for sex, and I found myself more and more sexually attracted to these friends. After a party one night a couple of months ago, my wife and I were talking about how I did not enjoy our last Caribbean vacation, which we went on with these guys, that much, because it was the first vacation during which we had not had any sex, and our friends were having frequent sex. I told her I was exploring having a bi relationship and that I did not want a divorce unless she did, but I wasn't going to live the rest of my life without sex. Our friends, who have moved to another part of the country, were recently in town for my wife's birthday, and I told them about my bi urges and plans. They were very supportive. I hope I haven't messed up the relationship between myself and my otherwise loving and caring wife, but I feel better now that I have shared my urges with my wife and best friends. I feel less resentment now toward my wife, as I no longer feel trapped in a sexless marriage with no ability to have sex with someone else on the side. Curiously, she hasn't expressed any interest in sex with me as a way to curtail my exploration.

  24. #24

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Quote Originally Posted by wingnut
    Man up, bro. Tell the wife what's up, if she doesn't like it, tough shit. If you've got small children then that's something to consider, but even then, you've gotta be true to yourself, marriage be damned.
    That is one hell of a statement,tough shit on the wife and children!
    If you were really true to yourself you would"man up"before you got married
    or not even get married in the first place. I fully understand that men get married before they fully realise their sexuality,or even to try and deny it. But you cannot say tough shit to the wife it sure as hell aint her fault

  25. #25

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Thanks for the empathy and understanding. But at least one assumption is wrong. We have no children. And I was supposed to know how I would feel 23 years later after being rejected for sex?

  26. #26

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    I have several things in common with several of those who have posted to this thread. I am 50+ and accept for sex, have a good relationship with my wife. Over the past few years she has become less and less interested in sex. As her sex drive has decreased, my interest in having oral sex with men has increased.

    A few years ago I told her about my desires and that I wanted to get a toy for us to "play" with while I fantasized. She said "OK, I guess it's better than the alternative of having another man join us." That's has been about as much interest as she ever showed.

    Because we no longer have sex I have wanted to tell her that I want to find a "buddy" or perhaps a couple to have sex with but I cannot get up the nerve. I remember how hard it was to tell her of my feelings in the first place. But to now tell her that I want her blessings to have sex with others seems impossible.

    On one hand I think that if she does love me, she will understand that I still have desires even if she does not. On the other hand, I think back to her reaction when I told her the first time and think she could become very upset.

    I wouldn't want to do that right now because her daughter has recently been diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. My wife does not need more stress at this time and I certainly won't approach her with this anytime soon. I often wonder if I will ever have the nerve to do so.
    Krrptyc

  27. #27

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    Seems your situation is very similar to mine. But since our best friends are a gay male couple, I already knew she was open and not homophobic. After having been faithful for 23 years, I knew I would feel tremendous guilt about sex outside of marriage, not so much because I had a bi experience, as that I was sneaking around behind her back. Now that I've told her, I think we are both happiest with me just being discrete. The discrete part is easy, because she travels fairly often for periods of a week or two. Incidentally, she already knew that I had been viewing bi pornography, because I did not always successfuly erase all traces. Good luck!

  28. #28

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    well my wife is not understanding what so ever she has told me that it is gross, disgusting and wrong for 2 ppl of the same sex to get together. and if my urges were as strong before i got married as they are now i never would have gotten married. it seems like they have gotten stronger over the years, maybe because she has gotten very fat, lazy and she has always been very controling and nosey. i hear alot of you have to be honest with your spouse well thats all good and well if you have a spouse with an open mind and who isn't a prude. i believe that every one has bi thoughts in their life but my wife swears she has never ever considered it, but yet her frind when we were dating that she hung out with all the time was a lesbian any way it's not always as easy for one person to come out as bi as it is for the other person. but thanks for all the feed back atleast i know i'm not alone

  29. #29

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    My first forum post, yay!

    I just came out to my wife about my bisexual desires. They have been there for years now, but I had to confront her on it. I'm open and honest with my wife and she needs that. So, after another night of dreams, I woke up and knew it was time to talk to her about it openly.

    I couldn't hide it from her, or try and press it into the further back of my mind. It hurts me, as it does many of you guys that I have read. With love and honesty she told me that she loves me and always will. She is my best friend. Thats why she had to know.

    Shes not ideal to me messing around on her and who can blame her?..we're married. But at the very least, I'm being more honest with myself and her. This morning I woke up early and told her about this site and then brought her here. She knows I'm surfing here now.

    I am very much interested in finding more about all of this, so if any of you wish to share with me you "coming out" that would be great.

    And in closing, if you haven't told your wife yet, you need to. Find a way, but don't be one of those Oprah episodes.
    My wife thinks quotes are cool, so here is mine.

  30. #30

    Re: HOW MANY GUYS HERE ARE MARRIED AND SECRETLY BI

    My first forum post, yay!

    I just came out to my wife about my bisexual desires. They have been there for years now, but I had to confront her on it. I'm open and honest with my wife and she needs that. So, after another night of dreams, I woke up and knew it was time to talk to her about it openly.

    I couldn't hide it from her, or try and press it into the further back of my mind. It hurts me, as it does many of you guys that I have read. With love and honesty she told me that she loves me and always will. She is my best friend. Thats why she had to know.

    Shes not ideal to me messing around on her and who can blame her?..we're married. But at the very least, I'm being more honest with myself and her. This morning I woke up early and told her about this site and then brought her here. She knows I'm surfing here now.

    I am very much interested in finding more about all of this, so if any of you wish to share with me you "coming out" that would be great.

    And in closing, if you haven't told your wife yet, you need to. Find a way, but don't be one of those Oprah episodes.
    My wife thinks quotes are cool, so here is mine.

 

 

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