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  1. #1

    BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    By Sarah Armstrong

    Sex; sex with women, sex with men, sex with both. It’s fantastic, isn’t it! But are all sexy spaces considered equal? Is the swing club a positive and sexy space for bi men and women? Ah, then there are sex parties too! Can a bi-identified person have free rein in these spaces to express their full sexuality?
    As a Bisexual woman, I am used to hearing the “typical” straight male fantasy of seeing of two women together. Arguably, it has to be one of the biggest reasons why bisexual women have been so accepted in popular culture. The fact that a vast majority of men are preoccupied with this fantasy certainly makes it easier for women to identify as Bi. Often, however, revealing my bisexuality leads to all sorts of questions about my experience. Picture a conversation with an acquaintance at a party or club. The topic touches on this subject in one way or another, or perhaps I just feel the need to give someone a bigger picture of who I am. Then the questions start, the eyebrow raises, and there is silence while my conversation partner is imagining one of his girl-girl fantasies. I start to feel something of a party trick. Then, of course, there is the immediate assumption by the same men that I will want to sleep with any semi-attractive woman that crosses my path.

    This is my usual experience when discussing my orientation in a mostly straight world—the Hollywood-like version of women having sex with each other. However, would that experience be different if I place myself in situations where the attitude towards sexuality is expected to be freer?

    There are two very different sexual spaces that present two very different attitudes toward bisexuality. There is the swing club, a place where couples or singles can go to meet up with others interested in sharing sexual experiences. Another option for exploring sexual opportunity, is the sex party. A house party, where lots of sex, of varying types, can be experienced. Personally I have been to my share of sex parties, both as a single woman and with my partner at the time. Even within that, the experiences were quite different. Many of my friends have been to either or both. How do these atmospheres impart different experiences for bisexual people? What does one find in each space?

    My experience of walking into a sex party was not as overwhelming as one might think. It seemed like a regular party; people mingling, nibbling at the food table, some cruising of those you think are cute. Then, there are usually some introduction exercises, to introduce yourself and what you are looking for. Depending on the party, the “unveiling” is done is different ways. But in the events I’ve attended, it is basically a matter of lets take your clothes off and find someone you find sexy.

    On the other hand, Swing clubs have a bit of a different agenda. When walking into a club, it would seem quite like any other club. Dance floor, dj, a bar, usually two levels—at least. There is much of the same mingling and cruising one would expect at any other bar. From all accounts there are usually activities to unveil the women first. And then after a short time, the men will unveil as well. Sex acts and full nudity are not permitted on the ground floor. It is a matter of legalities—you can’t have sex acts or full nudity in the same space there is licensed bar. However the upper level of the club is where all that fun can take place.

    My friend, “Linda,” has been both to sex parties and a swing club. She enjoys women, and likes having a space where she can kiss a woman, or possibly do more than that. She is also in love with her husband of many years, and the two of them go out together when looking for experiences. I met her at a sex party. She has been to many more sex parties than swing clubs, and that will remain her preference.

    Her experience with going to a swing club with her loving husband was uncomfortable. She feels the vibe in the two spaces provides a very different opportunity for her to approach women. “The demographic is very different at the swing club”, she notes. She also found that the majority of the people there were much older than her 31 years, “It was like my mother was approaching me most of the time”. She also commented on the general social condition of the swing club was much different than that of sex parties. People there were “mostly older married couples, their lives already organized”, not people that she found she could easily talk with. And subsequently, she didn’t feel comfortable having the small talk essential to build a base of flirting. Linda does, however, experience a different level of discomfort at sex parties. At sex parties there seems to be a lot of “granola type” people who are very much into natural living, free thinking, and sometimes she does not always find that an attractive quality. However, at sex parties, she found the group, in general, to be more comfortable. It is this difference of comfort level, she felt, that allows her to approach women at sex parties, while she did not at all feel the same desire at the swing club.

    But how is the vibe for a bisexual man at a swing club? Ishwar, an exotic event planner, has been to swing clubs in order to research spaces for his parties. He felt a strong homophobic element, to the extent that he didn’t feel safe even making eye contact with some men. “Sometimes I feel I cannot even smile and make eye contact with another guy (at swing clubs). I am a small-built queer man of colour and there are usually a lot of big straight guys who are drinking. For me this all adds to a rather intense combination”. Ishwar did find people that he felt comfortable talking to, and he found not “all these seemingly straight guys are straight.” A few of them are “straight, but not narrow”, meaning they will play with guys and not see themselves as being gay or bi. But at the club, the “no guy-guy” vibe is very persistent.

    Another thing that bothered Linda at the swing club, and the point that she walked out, were the activities that were very clearly designed to get the women to play with each other. The unveiling of women was sooner than the rest of the group. While the dressed men stood around and watched, the women were supposed to start their unveiling, and then playing with each other. After talking to several people who have been to swing clubs as members or guests, I understand this separate unveiling, and the women-only play times while the men watched is a common occurrence. This fishbowl feeling of being on display caused the young couple to leave the club.

    At a sex party, is that vibe different? Ishwar feels more comfortable at sex parties to approach men. “At the mixed sex/gender play parties, like the ones I organize, I feel safe because they are created from a queer space opposed to the swinger parties/clubs that comes from a straight place. At queer mixed gender parties it is accepted that men play with each other and that when women play with each other, it is not exclusively for the pleasure of men.” When asked what he thought was the biggest difference between the two spaces, aside from the obvious homophobic issue, he suggested that “in a negative way, it’s a sexist space. It is predominantly middle class white people.” However, he did offer some positive thoughts: “its sexy, I really enjoy all the fems. The space, at times, tends to be beautiful.”

    Play for bisexual women with other women at a sex party definitely has a different vibe. In my experience, being intimate with a very beautiful woman is not inhibiting. In one such experience, I knew there was a man watching, and I knew her partner (a woman) was also watching, and that is the most “watched” I felt at a sex party. In general, there is an accepted level of voyeurism at the sex parties. I’ve finished an interlude with someone to look up and find half the room watching. When I am playing with a woman, where either her partner or the person I am with that night is watching, that feels more intense than having passersby watch. In that situation, both partners watch very closely, and are sometimes waiting to be invited in, if possible. Even knowing they are rather invested in the scene, I didn’t feel like I was performing for them, I didn’t feel pressured to do anything specific to please them. I do very much enjoy my own moment with that wonderful woman. I felt very free to express myself. I don’t know if I would feel that free at a swing club. I don’t usually respond well to a man directing anything I do, so for me that would not translate well in a sexual space either.

    Playing for display not only annoys women, but men are also affected. Fito, who has been to swing parties with his now ex-wife, saw that the women were not always into the woman/woman play. “In swing parties I'd say I've found 60% of women really enjoying being with a woman and 40% don't”. Where at the sex party, “maybe there were 90% women wanting to have sex with another woman and 10% just part of the show”. I met Fito at a sex party where, indeed, he saw some very genuine women playtime. He was watching me with another woman. When I asked him if he felt there was a difference to that play and the play he has seen at swing parties, he said, “the main difference was that nobody told you to play. You were flirting with each other and that was a turn on.” At the swing club, he felt that the men were doing something akin to wife swapping, where the women were their possessions to trade and put on display. Ishwar touches on the same sexist feeling at the swing club. He feels a bit strange approaching women at the swing club “because I was not sure if I also had to approach their male partners and ‘ask permission’. Sometimes the women would actually say ‘you need to speak with my boyfriend or husband’” he related. Fito also believes that, from talking to some married women, “that they don't feel totally free when the man is present, and they might act a little different with and without him”.

    Would a bisexual woman feel free to express her desire for other women in each environment? Maybe, but obviously men cannot. Bi men are limited in exploring their full sexuality in a swing environment, but there does seem to be a great opportunity at a sex party. Admittedly any party thrown by homophobic straight people would be challenging for bisexual men. But luckily, there are some great positive space sex parties out there to discover.

    For women, I think it greatly depends what type of woman you are, how comfortable you feel in sexual situations, and how willing you are to have direction from a male counterpart. There does seem to be a definite patriarchal influence in the swing world. For some women, that is not an issue. For others, it is intolerable and would get in the way of enjoying themselves. Perhaps sharing and performing for their male partner or the other woman’s partner is not a bad thing. Perhaps they see the structure of a swing club as reassuring. For most of the women I know, and discuss sexual politics with, this would not be the most welcoming atmosphere for them to experience a relaxed and sensual moment with another woman. Some bisexual women, like myself, don’t want to feel their play with other women is for the show of anyone. If there are people watching, and they don’t mind the audience, then great. But, personally, I don’t want to feel that there are men watching who will have influence over my experience. I don’t want to feel that I am performing for any man when I am enjoying a woman’s body and soul. I want to drink in her presence without any outside interference. And while being at a sex party is not the quietest and intimate experience I can have with a woman, it is a great way to meet other women who identify similarly to the way I do. And remember, we can always go back to my private bedroom after the party is over…

    (c) Copryight 2005 Sarah Armstrong

  2. #2

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I found this most interesting!

  3. #3

    Thumbs up Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I thought the article was spot on! As a bi man, social gatherings are always a pain in the ass. When I find a woman attractive, I can tell her, but if I think a guy is sexy, I have to gauge him and his sexuality. It also seems that all bi men accept bi women, but the acceptance is not reciprocated. A lot of bi women I know think 2 guys together is awful. What happened to dropping the gender lines and everyone just being themselves and being free to show attraction to whoever we think is sexy.I have been to a few parties and seen a very sexy man with a woman. I was attracted to both, but there wasn't a lot I could do to follow up on it.

    And, the author of the article is nothing short of spectacular!! Two devastatingly sexy women with two spot on articles!! I love it!!!


  4. #4

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Very intresting artical.

    Never being to any clubs or parties it help me to understand both worlds. Thanks for the info. I will use the info I got will help me in the future.

    Thanks.
    If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with.

  5. #5

    Thumbs up Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Great article! I have been contemplating visiting a swingers club in atlanta. First I have to find a couple willing to sponsor me and then only select single males are allowed to attend on specified nights. I was getting a little turned off by jumping through all the hoops. Instead of going to a club, maybe I should just host my own sex party and see what happens. I am still new to accepting my bi feeling and I think I would be much more comfortable at a home party instead of a club.

  6. #6

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I do feel for Ishware in this swinger's "str8 male" club. Sadly, I have never been to any sort of parties or gatherings, but the echoes I have heard are similar to the views expressed here. A swinger's bar is code for wife swapping, oh yeah the occasional Girl Girl action is ok...

    Great article.

    DM

  7. #7

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    thank you sarah, you do not know how square on the head you hit the local situation here in pac nw .. as a bi male and i experienced every one of the same problems and have pretty much decided that the going norm around here isn't for me. and yes i've seen the same things you describe concerning bi women ... i've taken to calling it what a lady here calls it; "situationally bi". i've often wondered just how comfortable their male partners [ husbands, boyfirends, dates] truly are with their own sexuality that they feel they must coerce their ladies into something they actually might not want to do...also, i know of many bi men who've been asked to leave a certain club in washington state because they actually had the guts to be themselves. sad, considering the founder of the very same club is extremely openly bi. and i know of several bi men who've given up on the local sex parties and swinging parties because, while they could meet and play, by directive of the organizers, they had to hide their activity from the rest of the assembled guests , who were just wantonly screwing their brains out and couldnt have cared less. sexist?? yes beyond a shadow of doubt. fact is i could use a few other verbs to paint an even more accurate picture, but it would be very dismally grim. so, no matter what you hear to the contrary, it's not the wide open scene out here that everyone is led to belive.. but as i was saying, thanx for a wonderful article that pretty much describes even my local scene.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drew
    BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    By Sarah Armstrong

    Sex; sex with women, sex with men, sex with both. It’s fantastic, isn’t it! But are all sexy spaces considered equal? Is the swing club a positive and sexy space for bi men and women? Ah, then there are sex parties too! Can a bi-identified person have free rein in these spaces to express their full sexuality?
    As a Bisexual woman, I am used to hearing the “typical” straight male fantasy of seeing of two women together. Arguably, it has to be one of the biggest reasons why bisexual women have been so accepted in popular culture. The fact that a vast majority of men are preoccupied with this fantasy certainly makes it easier for women to identify as Bi. Often, however, revealing my bisexuality leads to all sorts of questions about my experience. Picture a conversation with an acquaintance at a party or club. The topic touches on this subject in one way or another, or perhaps I just feel the need to give someone a bigger picture of who I am. Then the questions start, the eyebrow raises, and there is silence while my conversation partner is imagining one of his girl-girl fantasies. I start to feel something of a party trick. Then, of course, there is the immediate assumption by the same men that I will want to sleep with any semi-attractive woman that crosses my path.

    This is my usual experience when discussing my orientation in a mostly straight world—the Hollywood-like version of women having sex with each other. However, would that experience be different if I place myself in situations where the attitude towards sexuality is expected to be freer?

    There are two very different sexual spaces that present two very different attitudes toward bisexuality. There is the swing club, a place where couples or singles can go to meet up with others interested in sharing sexual experiences. Another option for exploring sexual opportunity, is the sex party. A house party, where lots of sex, of varying types, can be experienced. Personally I have been to my share of sex parties, both as a single woman and with my partner at the time. Even within that, the experiences were quite different. Many of my friends have been to either or both. How do these atmospheres impart different experiences for bisexual people? What does one find in each space?

    My experience of walking into a sex party was not as overwhelming as one might think. It seemed like a regular party; people mingling, nibbling at the food table, some cruising of those you think are cute. Then, there are usually some introduction exercises, to introduce yourself and what you are looking for. Depending on the party, the “unveiling” is done is different ways. But in the events I’ve attended, it is basically a matter of lets take your clothes off and find someone you find sexy.

    On the other hand, Swing clubs have a bit of a different agenda. When walking into a club, it would seem quite like any other club. Dance floor, dj, a bar, usually two levels—at least. There is much of the same mingling and cruising one would expect at any other bar. From all accounts there are usually activities to unveil the women first. And then after a short time, the men will unveil as well. Sex acts and full nudity are not permitted on the ground floor. It is a matter of legalities—you can’t have sex acts or full nudity in the same space there is licensed bar. However the upper level of the club is where all that fun can take place.

    My friend, “Linda,” has been both to sex parties and a swing club. She enjoys women, and likes having a space where she can kiss a woman, or possibly do more than that. She is also in love with her husband of many years, and the two of them go out together when looking for experiences. I met her at a sex party. She has been to many more sex parties than swing clubs, and that will remain her preference.

    Her experience with going to a swing club with her loving husband was uncomfortable. She feels the vibe in the two spaces provides a very different opportunity for her to approach women. “The demographic is very different at the swing club”, she notes. She also found that the majority of the people there were much older than her 31 years, “It was like my mother was approaching me most of the time”. She also commented on the general social condition of the swing club was much different than that of sex parties. People there were “mostly older married couples, their lives already organized”, not people that she found she could easily talk with. And subsequently, she didn’t feel comfortable having the small talk essential to build a base of flirting. Linda does, however, experience a different level of discomfort at sex parties. At sex parties there seems to be a lot of “granola type” people who are very much into natural living, free thinking, and sometimes she does not always find that an attractive quality. However, at sex parties, she found the group, in general, to be more comfortable. It is this difference of comfort level, she felt, that allows her to approach women at sex parties, while she did not at all feel the same desire at the swing club.

    But how is the vibe for a bisexual man at a swing club? Ishwar, an exotic event planner, has been to swing clubs in order to research spaces for his parties. He felt a strong homophobic element, to the extent that he didn’t feel safe even making eye contact with some men. “Sometimes I feel I cannot even smile and make eye contact with another guy (at swing clubs). I am a small-built queer man of colour and there are usually a lot of big straight guys who are drinking. For me this all adds to a rather intense combination”. Ishwar did find people that he felt comfortable talking to, and he found not “all these seemingly straight guys are straight.” A few of them are “straight, but not narrow”, meaning they will play with guys and not see themselves as being gay or bi. But at the club, the “no guy-guy” vibe is very persistent.

    Another thing that bothered Linda at the swing club, and the point that she walked out, were the activities that were very clearly designed to get the women to play with each other. The unveiling of women was sooner than the rest of the group. While the dressed men stood around and watched, the women were supposed to start their unveiling, and then playing with each other. After talking to several people who have been to swing clubs as members or guests, I understand this separate unveiling, and the women-only play times while the men watched is a common occurrence. This fishbowl feeling of being on display caused the young couple to leave the club.

    At a sex party, is that vibe different? Ishwar feels more comfortable at sex parties to approach men. “At the mixed sex/gender play parties, like the ones I organize, I feel safe because they are created from a queer space opposed to the swinger parties/clubs that comes from a straight place. At queer mixed gender parties it is accepted that men play with each other and that when women play with each other, it is not exclusively for the pleasure of men.” When asked what he thought was the biggest difference between the two spaces, aside from the obvious homophobic issue, he suggested that “in a negative way, it’s a sexist space. It is predominantly middle class white people.” However, he did offer some positive thoughts: “its sexy, I really enjoy all the fems. The space, at times, tends to be beautiful.”

    Play for bisexual women with other women at a sex party definitely has a different vibe. In my experience, being intimate with a very beautiful woman is not inhibiting. In one such experience, I knew there was a man watching, and I knew her partner (a woman) was also watching, and that is the most “watched” I felt at a sex party. In general, there is an accepted level of voyeurism at the sex parties. I’ve finished an interlude with someone to look up and find half the room watching. When I am playing with a woman, where either her partner or the person I am with that night is watching, that feels more intense than having passersby watch. In that situation, both partners watch very closely, and are sometimes waiting to be invited in, if possible. Even knowing they are rather invested in the scene, I didn’t feel like I was performing for them, I didn’t feel pressured to do anything specific to please them. I do very much enjoy my own moment with that wonderful woman. I felt very free to express myself. I don’t know if I would feel that free at a swing club. I don’t usually respond well to a man directing anything I do, so for me that would not translate well in a sexual space either.

    Playing for display not only annoys women, but men are also affected. Fito, who has been to swing parties with his now ex-wife, saw that the women were not always into the woman/woman play. “In swing parties I'd say I've found 60% of women really enjoying being with a woman and 40% don't”. Where at the sex party, “maybe there were 90% women wanting to have sex with another woman and 10% just part of the show”. I met Fito at a sex party where, indeed, he saw some very genuine women playtime. He was watching me with another woman. When I asked him if he felt there was a difference to that play and the play he has seen at swing parties, he said, “the main difference was that nobody told you to play. You were flirting with each other and that was a turn on.” At the swing club, he felt that the men were doing something akin to wife swapping, where the women were their possessions to trade and put on display. Ishwar touches on the same sexist feeling at the swing club. He feels a bit strange approaching women at the swing club “because I was not sure if I also had to approach their male partners and ‘ask permission’. Sometimes the women would actually say ‘you need to speak with my boyfriend or husband’” he related. Fito also believes that, from talking to some married women, “that they don't feel totally free when the man is present, and they might act a little different with and without him”.

    Would a bisexual woman feel free to express her desire for other women in each environment? Maybe, but obviously men cannot. Bi men are limited in exploring their full sexuality in a swing environment, but there does seem to be a great opportunity at a sex party. Admittedly any party thrown by homophobic straight people would be challenging for bisexual men. But luckily, there are some great positive space sex parties out there to discover.

    For women, I think it greatly depends what type of woman you are, how comfortable you feel in sexual situations, and how willing you are to have direction from a male counterpart. There does seem to be a definite patriarchal influence in the swing world. For some women, that is not an issue. For others, it is intolerable and would get in the way of enjoying themselves. Perhaps sharing and performing for their male partner or the other woman’s partner is not a bad thing. Perhaps they see the structure of a swing club as reassuring. For most of the women I know, and discuss sexual politics with, this would not be the most welcoming atmosphere for them to experience a relaxed and sensual moment with another woman. Some bisexual women, like myself, don’t want to feel their play with other women is for the show of anyone. If there are people watching, and they don’t mind the audience, then great. But, personally, I don’t want to feel that there are men watching who will have influence over my experience. I don’t want to feel that I am performing for any man when I am enjoying a woman’s body and soul. I want to drink in her presence without any outside interference. And while being at a sex party is not the quietest and intimate experience I can have with a woman, it is a great way to meet other women who identify similarly to the way I do. And remember, we can always go back to my private bedroom after the party is over…

    (c) Copryight 2005 Sarah Armstrong
    "To each monkey, it's own swing.." - old Latino Provberb

  8. #8

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    as a bi male i found this to be right on the mark as well as interesting.

  9. #9

    where can we meet you Sarah?

    heehee. my husband (both bi) and I enjoyed your piece (and your picture). it IS more confining for him at swing clubs, so we treat them more as social gatherings now adays (to meet new people) and for str8 coupled or group sex (for him at least).

    We much prefer sex parties where we know the people (or at least what they want) in advance. Easier to just reach out and kiss or suck as the mood hits. Interestingly, even some str8 cpls attend ours.. they may not dabble but say it turns them on for str8 play afterwards. huggs & kisses - E

  10. #10

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I really enjoyed your artical and found it to be imfomative for me in the future I have only been to one sex party with my partner and we had a wonderful time and I am concidering going to another, but this time I want to go by myself to see if I enjoy the experience better!

  11. #11

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I did enjoy the article, in fact, a friend of mine sent it to me so I'm pretty sure he knew I would. I can also relate to a lot of what you said. I do attend and enjoy both sex parties and swing clubs. Swing clubs aren't typically a favorite of mine especially since they are so opposed to guy/guy interaction but I have found a local swing club here in Southern CA that does have bi nights and I've had some great group bi sex there but private all bi sex parties are still my preference.

    Thanks for the article!

  12. #12

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    wow, just like I what I think...

    as a guy I have to go to the typical bath places when I feel cruzy, but thereare never any women, just typical guy on guy...

  13. #13

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Bi sex in sexy places. Even tho i consider myself bi, i go to a all male nude health club. I enjoy having others watch me as I have sex with a guy. It is total enjoyment pleasing someone while others watch. When couples meet its the same feeling, but I guess not everyone is into this.

  14. #14

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    We have been to both private sex parties and to swing clubs and found the former much more to our liking. The clubs were all commercial operations, and women were expected to be bisexual while it was taboo for men to be. Not ideal for us because I am bisexual, but my wife doesn't claim to be. At the private parties, most of us knew each other and there was a lot of caring for one another--not so at the clubs.
    It always seemed a bit strainge to me that while my wife does not feel that she is bisexual, she certainly enjoyed sex with women at the clubs while I was rarely able to have sex with men. We were asked not to return to one club because I did! The group that we partied with went so far as having an exercise for men to experience the taste and feel of a cock in their mouths.
    BiOldMan

  15. #15

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I love this article! I had no idea about any of that and now hat I've heard it I don't know if I even want to try it! Sounds like a bunch of drama! I'm a broke native straight of the rez. and I an just imagine what those fools would think about me? I think the best way to go is finding friends ourselves and doing things slow and patiently? But the idea of all those naked bodies intwined ineach other is so damn appealing, isn't that the way it is or should be?

  16. #16

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I've never been to a swing club, but an ex-girlfriend of mine was a swinger, and knowing her left me completely uninterested in that scene. She was completely convinced you couldn't get STDs if you only had sex with "nice" people ... and when I caught an STD from her, she refused to go to a doctor! The few times I met her swinger friends, they were very pushy about asking for sex, made homophobic comments (apparently it was okay for women to be together if they were willing to put on a show, but actual lesbians were "ugly" and should "shut up," and gay men were disease-carriers; as far as I could tell, the only attempt these folks made to prevent disease transmission at their club was to ban play between men. Dumbasses.)

    I have no way of knowing if this is typical of the swing scene elsewhere, but from what I've heard, these attitudes aren't limited to the Midwest.

    It does seem to me that there's a lot of interest among bisexuals in some sort of a public-sex community that's not as oriented towards straight men. I wonder what it would take to organize something like this? I'm not up for it, but surely if there's a demand, someone could make this happen?

  17. #17

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    [QUOTE=Driver 8]I've never been to a swing club, but an ex-girlfriend of mine was a swinger, and knowing her left me completely uninterested in that scene. She was completely convinced you couldn't get STDs if you only had sex with "nice" people ... and when I caught an STD from her, she refused to go to a doctor! The few times I met her swinger friends, they were very pushy about asking for sex, made homophobic comments (apparently it was okay for women to be together if they were willing to put on a show, but actual lesbians were "ugly" and should "shut up," and gay men were disease-carriers; as far as I could tell, the only attempt these folks made to prevent disease transmission at their club was to ban play between men. Dumbasses.)

    This was years ago in the SF Bay area. While we never caught anything, we gave the whole scene up when AIDS entered it. The more friendly parties with a dozen or so people who knew each other were much better in any case.

    Brad
    BiOldMan

  18. #18

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Right on Sarah!...I am a bi male who has gone to several swing clubs and has had great expierences, but incomplete ones at that, There is a level of rigidity and biase everywhere I've been...almost got kicked out of one because this very nice guy and I decided to pleasure each other...He had a great cock also dammit...I have never experienced the sex parties, if anyone knows the sex party scene in the Orlando area pleas send me word...I have relagated my ventures to gay gyms and gay bars to satiate that appetite when the urge arise...then again that is incomplete since I am really mostly attracted to women, though i have had great pleasures there. Being Bi is great but sometimes it's hard to find our place where we truly belong and can let it all hangout, it is supposedly becoming chic but I am yet to achieve full acceptance anywhere excpt for this chat. I love you guys...I love you all!

  19. #19

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I LOVED the article!!It was vey informative.I haven't yet had the pleasure of attending a sex party, but I was thinking about planning one myself It would really be nice to be able to prove that women who REALLY enjoy other women (and aren't doing it for show) are in fact very passionate about sex with another lady and it can be as beautiful as all guys imagine......as long as it's real....but that's just my

  20. #20

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    [QUOTE=OralBradley]
    Quote Originally Posted by Driver 8
    I've never been to a swing club, but an ex-girlfriend of mine was a swinger, and knowing her left me completely uninterested in that scene. She was completely convinced you couldn't get STDs if you only had sex with "nice" people ... and when I caught an STD from her, she refused to go to a doctor! The few times I met her swinger friends, they were very pushy about asking for sex, made homophobic comments (apparently it was okay for women to be together if they were willing to put on a show, but actual lesbians were "ugly" and should "shut up," and gay men were disease-carriers; as far as I could tell, the only attempt these folks made to prevent disease transmission at their club was to ban play between men. Dumbasses.)

    This was years ago in the SF Bay area. While we never caught anything, we gave the whole scene up when AIDS entered it. The more friendly parties with a dozen or so people who knew each other were much better in any case.

    Brad
    Oh the fun to be had in a disease free world..
    BIGREGORY
    BI and loving it

  21. #21

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Quote Originally Posted by bigregory
    Oh the fun to be had in a disease free world..
    How do you find sex parties? I have explored my bi sexuality and it has always been one on one with either men or women. I enjoy both and love to watch and be watched, especially the latter. I love to be naked and enjoying sex with a man/woman, but I really desire a group to watch and have fun sexually (safe of course). I have no idea where to go to find sex parties though. A little help would be appreciated...

  22. #22

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    I still have no idea where to find sex parties. We are not interested in swinger clubs, but sex parties would be fun to explore. Help?

  23. #23

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    A very interesting article indeed! I have never been to a swing club for the very reason pointed out there as I have heard this is usually the case as to how things are done. I don't want anything to do with a situation where men stand around and witness the women going through the motions as though they're possessions. On the other hand, I have been to some sex parties and the experience there has generally been very open to both sexes playing with no boundaries about playing with the same sex.....that was the idea for the party to take place. I too have done the private all male sex clubs or bath houses more accurately. They're great in a sense in that they offer that freedom of sexual experience without all the social role playing and garbage of that sort attached. The only problem there is that it's for one sex only and one naturally has to pay very close attention to the practice of safe sex. That is essential anywhere and with anyone plays with. But again, this is more about the freedom of expression....so sex parties are definitely more conducive from what I understand. I can't stand anything that says these are the borders when it comes to sex where both sexes are involved....if that's understood before one steps into a situation and the parameters are already defined then it's an easy decision...just don't go there. But if they don't inform or let it be known that for instance men can't be sexual with men, then that's unfair. This has certainly opened my eyes about the swing clubs in that I never really had a desire to go before as I had a feeling such would be the case about men not being able to be with men and women being made to be a spectacle as somewhat a spectator sport.....who needs it? ....I think most bi people are intelligent enough to figure this one out. However, if this is a choice that one can live with (going to the swing clubs) then so be it....I certainly couldn't get into myself.

  24. #24

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    actually, we have attended both and perfer house sex parties, esspecially if we host them, we can kind of gauge the activity to best suit everyone. I will say they are BI sex parties with no holds barred activity. so if 5 guys or ladies want to all play together, seperate or whatever that is cool. We have had a few over the years and had a lot of fun.

    I think it getting to be that time of year again to host one.....
    love to meet others who are playful and like to explore

  25. #25

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    is there any of these swing clubs in nw iowa, because I cant find them, and have never heard of a sex party around here either. If anyone knows of one please let me know.

  26. #26

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Yeah.. I've never heard of a swing club or a sex party around me either - but then again I wasn't really looking. I'm sure there is a swing club in Boston - but how would you go about finding out? I'd love to go to or host a sex party - but how do you get started on that? Who do you invite? Especially when you know no one else that is bi and you are in a community where pretty much everyone is heterosexual and has young kids.... ??????? Please.. someone comment on this.

    Thanks.... alley

  27. #27

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    There is a club in RI. Look up black key club.
    As for the article. I have no club experience but in general bi-guys get even more grief than gay guys. Straight guys seem even more threatened. I appreciate the info.
    Except for my wife and people I meet through sites like this nobody knows.

  28. #28

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    interesting article.
    I have absolutely no desire to go to a swinger's club or a sex party, or identify with "the lifestyle" as people call swinging.

  29. #29

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Great article! I now know I have absolutely no interest in swing clubs. Some guy tries to tell me what to do and I'd have to tell him how to go pleasure himself with his own dick.

    Sex parties also have the issue of being nude in front of others. I'm almost 40 and overweight. I don't think too many people want to be looking at a middle aged fat lady having sex.

    (sigh)
    Never be bullied into silence;
    Never let yourself be made a victim;
    Accept no one's definition of your life;
    Define yourself.

  30. #30

    Re: BiSex in Sexy Spaces

    Oh yes we would!

    _____
    If she sits on my face, find me an osteopath! (Monty Python)

 

 

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