Hi guys,
I am a straight woman in a new relationship with a bi male. My question is when you guys are with your wife or girlfriend are you aroused by her or do you have to think of a man in order to get aroused. Obviously she is not enough for you all the time, but when you are making love just the two of you do you need to have thoughts of a man in order to perform? And do you always prefer to be with a man more than her?
Thanks guys in advance for your help.
Good questions...................Originally Posted by Marcia
1) Do I have to think of a man - nope, I am bi, I am attracted to both
2) She is not enough for you all the time - I can see why people would think about that, and how that would come to be. But, at least in my case, not true. When you are with a man, do you need to think about another man ? It's the same thing. When I am with a woman, she is the only thing in front of me, and if I am with her, there is no need to think about anyone else, male or female. It's not about "Enough" (granted, whether hetero, homo, bi there are always people who want more or different, thats normal). Being Bi doesn't mean we have to have both, just simply a capacity for both
3) Do I prefer to be with a man - nope, again, it is I have the capacity for both. I also like brunette females, but if I am with a blonde I don't have a need for a brunette. I know it sounds silly, but yes, it really is like that.
Great questions, says a lot about you that you are trying to understand. But, Bi people are no different than anyone else. Some are cheaters, some are faithful. Some are happy with what's in front of them some look for the next bigger better deal.
Unfortunately, there is a belief, and I have encountered it before, is a misunderstanding. Many believe we are just overly horny and ready to have sex with whatever comes our way. Well, yeah, some people do, just like the hetero world, some don't.
I also can see maybe your side, I am almost guessing you have a concern of, can this guy be faithful to me, or do I need to worry every time he is around another guy alone. The answer, depends. If he is a faithful guy, he will be faithful no matter his orientation. If he is a player, he will be no matter what, sexuality has nothing to do with that.
Since you said it is a new relationship, and you already know, that's pretty amazing. Bi people face a lot of push back from the hetero community, and the gay community, many times we are not accepted by either for who we are, the fact he told you in a new relationship seems pretty positive..
Hey, at least he doesn't dress like me, that adds a whole other level of confusion
Jazminedress that great insight, as usual. My wife and I have agreed to an open marriage for several reasons. One of them is the fact that we are soul mates, and as such we are deeply in love with each other. We have both mostly been in monogamous longer term relationships, and not that many. When I started to consider myself bi, I had a couple of Male encounters when I was young, she was supportive and we really started to open up to sex for fun and not love. The virus has stopped our desire to pursue recreational sex with other people but I'm positive I can trust her and she can as well. I hope you guys can work together and have fun
Hi Jazminedress,
Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate you. Yes, my concern is that he would cheat, that he would prefer a male to me, that he will someday say he's gay (nothing about gays, I actually love gay guys as friends and people) but being in my 50's don't want to waste my time on something that's not long term. Honestly, if you would have asked me if I would ever date a man that could be with another man my answer would have been HELL NO!!!!!! No disrespect for you guys, I love all people and the fact that you guys are so open on here with your sexuality is awesome. I am also afraid of AIDS too. I really like him and I don't want to just give up without giving it a chance. I can except that part of him but want to know that I am wanted sexually when it's just he and I in the moment.
Again thank you so much for answering. I am sure I will have more questions.
This, this and more of this.
It also depends on how much of that side your guy has explored and understands about himself, which the two of you will only be able to ubderstand together by discussing it.
If it helps - I am also a straight female who has reconncted with an old friend these past few months, we are dating and he has come out to me as well. Truthfully? It's really no different than being with a stright male. Sure, he may be interested in other men sexually but like jazmine stated; that doesn't mean he is more likely to cheat on you. Or that they are going to be thinking of someone else while with you. That is more dependent on the person rather than their sexuality. If he is interested, and you are willing, there is always the option to peg him with a strap on. A little role-reversal can be fun
If he is open to discussing things, you could simply to talk him about everything. I have been very open with my boyfriend, and he in turn has done the same with me. It has been easy for us both to just talk about things, not only that but since he is also re-discovering that aspect of himself he can also lean on me for support.
Hi Thank you so much for responding. When you say open marriage, what does that mean? Do you both do it with one other at the same time? or she has her fun on the side and visa versa?
Hi Demi,
Thank you so much for relying.
I would love to be able to connect with you if possible. Are you planning on participating with him or are you both just being monogamous? I'm so sorry if too personal.
Thank you so much.
And all of that is very justifiable, I am 53 and lets face it, we don't have years to waste. AIDS 100% you should be concerned, many of us are. If you want a weird one, I have been seeing a guy who until a few months ago was completely straight, we started hanging out and it led to more
What I mean is that we have agreed to allow each other to have sex with other people, we have some rules and we both agree they could change as we go forward. My wife is straight and is not comfortable with the group sex idea, although she's warming up to the thought of it. So if we where in a different situation (COVID) I think she would be looking to explore with a guy and by herself, me on the other hand am willing and anxious to explore all kinds of different sexual situations
Those are all common perceptions some women have about bi guys. Time to have sex with the wife and all that's on my mind is her and what I'm gonna do. Is it "obvious" that she's not enough some of the time? No, I wouldn't say that since, at least for me, when I want some dick, she doesn't have one; otherwise, she can still hand my head to me in bed so, yeah, enough and more than enough. I've never had to have "dick on the brain" to have sex with a woman or to crank my engine up; she wants to have sex with me and I want to have sex - engine revved right and proper.
Guys have their own thoughts about this of course and I hope the information you gather here will be able to answer your questions.
Currently we are both monogamous, we talked it over and have little to no desire to include other partners. He enjoys the actual sexual acts and is fine with me using toys or doing a little role playing, what he wants most is someone he can trust and the fact I'm willing to find ways to pleasure him in that way means more to him than finding an additional partner.
If we wanted to include others we decided we would both have to approve of said partner plus have some other minor points we'd prefer be met. But neither of us are actively looking and don't particularly care to. If it happens, it happens. Otherwise oh well - we'll just have to get creative and see what else we can find to add to the fun.
For both of us, it's the trust and bond that is most important. Each couple is different but the best thing you can do is communicate.
Each couple is different but the best thing you can do is communicate.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely! When you talk you find out about things you thought you knew. But if you understand the comment you heard has some interpretation to it and a question could reveal that you both didn't have a full understanding of each of your initial communications, that can lead to new adventures
Hi Jasminedress,
No, we do not have years to waste for sure! Also I don't think that's weird, not anymore at least, lol. Plus, if you guys are happy that's what counts.
Thank you so much for helping me out.
Absolutely! When you talk you find out about things you thought you knew. But if you understand the comment you heard has some interpretation to it and a question could reveal that you both didn't have a full understanding of each of your initial communications, that can lead to new adventures[/QUOTE]
Hi MAcpl69,
Ok is that the year you were born or your favorite position? Love it. Thank you for getting back to me. Now have you and your wife been monogamous until now? If so how long? I totally agree that communication is key. We have decided to be monogamous for now at least and build the bond and relationship. He has been very open with me which I appreciate. I also appreciate you for sharing your experience with me.
Hi KDaddy23,
You've definitely brought some ease to my mind. Much appreciated.
I love my wife and she turns me on without external stimulus. Would I love to share her with another guy, sure. I'm not really attracted to men, I enjoy sucking a nice cock and getting fucked. This is my take on it other will be different.
I’m a married bi guy who falls on the end of the spectrum where I’m really only interested in cock. I giving head and some anal sex with the right guy. My wife and I met in our 40s. Second time for both. We were very open about everything when we were dating. When I told her I had been with a guy she found it very erotic. Once we were married we were monogamous. Once she went into menopause, sex became more of a challenge for her. That meant less for
me. I found myself fantasizing about sucking cock and anal play. We talked about it and she was understanding of my desire. Now we have clear rules and when the opportunity arises I’ll hook up with a guy. We talk about the “date” and I’ll tell her the story of the encounter. It actually helps to get her aroused. My wife has much of what I desire except for a penis. She isn’t into using a strap on and so she feels it is not a problem if I satisfy that urge without her.
I tell guys I’m not looking for intimacy, that I have with my wife. I’d suggest you keep talking with him about what being bi means to him. To what extent or where on the spectrum does he feel he is. If you’re open and nonjudgmental then that conversation can flow and be eye opening. As for STDs, there are tests for that. If you come to an agreement on your sexual play that can include what precautions are taken. Hope this helps!
Something else I would add, as you have heard here, some people have different types of relationships. Everything from what I would refer to as the swinger lifestyle (sorry if my terminology is wrong for someone, no offense meant), to people who basically go out, have oral sex with a guy and don't remember the name or what they looked like the next day.
You have couples that play imagination and talk about an imaginary encounter, or those that use toys for role reversal.
All of these things are fantastic..................for the people involved.
They may not be for you. As I said, you obviously have concerns, or you wouldn't have asked the questions, I really applaud the courage it took for you to do that. Let me say, everyone of your concerns are valid, because they effect you and how you feel.
Do not get pressured into anything that won't sit right with you, you will regret it later. If you feel comfortable experimenting out of your normal comfort zone, great, but only if you are okay with it. You may find something new wonderful and exciting, or you may try something once and say no, never again, and that's okay.
Having you come back and give input would be great, the ladies here who are with a bi guy can be of tremendous help to couples, hopefully they will speak up even more
Hi MAcpl69,
Ok is that the year you were born or your favorite position? Love it. Thank you for getting back to me. Now have you and your wife been monogamous until now? If so how long? I totally agree that communication is key. We have decided to be monogamous for now at least and build the bond and relationship. He has been very open with me which I appreciate. I also appreciate you for sharing your experience with me.[/QUOTE]
One of our favorite positions. Yes we have and currently still are monogamous, covid has really hindered any social interaction. I also believe we both want to move slowly, but we have had many discussions and I think we both want to test the waters so we know if we would enjoy an open marriage or not. Kinda feel like were stuck right now.
Hi Demi dame,
Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it. You have all helped me so much.
Hi Geoff Gregg,
Thank you so much. I love hearing what you said. You guys are great!
Hi NJwood,
Thank you so much for responding. That would be so hard for me but at the same time I might not really know that. I am sure that your wife knows that you love and desire her and she supports you. I am very much into sex without a doubt and a major turn on for me is when the man is aroused by me. I've never had a problem they usually can't get enough. So this is hard for me.
Thank you Jazminedress, I truly appreciate your help and yes I will definitely come back here and give input.
Telling her when we were dating was a true risk. I had no idea how she would react. When we reveal such aspects about ourselves it at the very real risk of rejection. I had been preparing myself for rejection of any type. Such is dating. That he’s told you isn’t to say he isn’t attracted to you or feeling you will fulfill him as a woman. The reality for bisexuals is our desires are not simply satisfied by one gender. It’s a complication that we accept. How that actually plays out in a relationship is what needs to be discussed and agreed upon by both of you.
I think that most bi men (myself included) prefer women to men, but we guys want more than the vanilla hetero sex a wife or gf gives us, especially if she won't enthusiastically please us orally. I think that if more wives or gfs wanted other men too, they would happily accept their man wanting to have sex with them and other men. Even more deeply rooted in men than secret bi desires is a desire to watch our sweet, innocent, demure faithful wives and mothers of our children or gfs sucking and fucking other men as we watch and join in to provide her with explosive orgasms. But 99% of wives & gfs would consider their man less than a man if he likes men too. And they'd think their man doesn't love them deeply....and deeply want them them to enjoy sex to the fullest potential with their man....
I think that most bi men (myself included) prefer women to men, but we guys want more than the vanilla hetero sex a wife or gf gives us, especially if she won't enthusiastically please us orally. I think that if more wives or gfs wanted other men too, they would happily accept their man wanting to have sex with them and other men. Even more deeply rooted in men than secret bi desires is a desire to watch our sweet, innocent, demure faithful wives and mothers of our children or gfs sucking and fucking other men as we watch and join in to provide her with explosive orgasms. But 99% of wives & gfs would consider their man less than a man if he likes men too. And they'd think their man doesn't love them deeply....and deeply want them them to enjoy sex to the fullest potential with their man....
If I have sex with a woman I tend to develop an emotional bond with her which can be rough on an existing relationship.
That has never happened between a man and myself. It's just sex. We can be pals if we share common interests, but the sex is just enjoyable sex. It's not better than with a woman, just different - variety.
There's no part of a woman that doesn't excite me, but with a man it's totally what's in his shorts.
I may be speaking for others here also.
Hello Marcia, I don't think anyone has asked you this so, here goes. How does your new boyfriend make you feel sexually? I ask this because you asked the same questions my current wife asked when I told her I am bi, however, there was a significant difference. Early on in our relationship, we were very limited in the amount of time we had for sex, because I lived in metro Atlanta and she lived in Northern California. Needless to say, our few occasions for sex were epic throw-downs of debauchery. About the second time we were able to get together, without any prompting or even hinting at from me, she starting fingering my ass while sucking my cock. I didn't stop her or encourage her, I just enjoyed. Over the course of the next year and a half, during which I moved to NorCal and we got married, this became routine and eventually graduated to her buying a strap-on and fucking me on a regular basis. And during that time, I mistakenly assumed that she had figured out that I was bi, so i didn't really need to come out and say it. To be honest, between the difficulty of my work and the vast Great Vanilla Wasteland of NorCal, I had no inclination or time for male playmates especially when I had my wife and her cock waiting for me at home. When it did come down to me telling her that I am bi was, in my mind, one of the more hilarious episodes in our relationship. Without going into the details, she did ask most of the same questions you have and my answers to them were very similar to what Jazminedress said. To this day, almost 12 years later, we both seem to be satisfied with where we are...Sorry, I kinda made this long, I have too many thoughts about this that involve long stories and unique characters from my past that come faster than I can type and the makes things seem a bit jumbly.
I have a gay buddy that I have sex with on occasion, but I never have to think of him in order to have sex with my girl. My girl is 11 years younger than me (she's soon to be 47, I'm 58) and an absolute nymph when it comes to having sex with me and loves to try different things, positions, during this time. We are madly in love and have sex quite often (6 to 10 times per week) but, she doesn't know about my Bi side. I have chosen to continue seeing my gay buddy for sex because I enjoy his company as well as the sex & experimentation that we have when together.
Whether, I am with him or with my girlfriend, my attention is 100% on them at that moment and never have to worry about being aroused as I am always looking forward to sharing my time with them at the moment.
For the future, I don't know if, I will ever mention that I am Bi to my girlfriend. I enjoy having the 2 separate and he knows about my relationship with her so, it tends to add some excitement to our visits because the visits (sex) are limited. But, we spend a good 5 to 8 hours of creating pure lust and debauchery when we have our get togethers.
So, in a nutshell. I don't need to think about the other in order to get aroused and my girlfriend is #1 and if, I HAD to choose, it would remain that way. Having sex with a man is just that for me.......having sex. There's a taboo (mystique?) in the straight world about male to male sex and, this has a small part in it for me too, in addition to the fact that the sex is enjoyable with a man in a much different way than with a woman (besides the obvious).
The few rare times that I go on a date and I be myself, the date almost always ends unsuccessfully. Any advise, please.
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