Question for married bisexual men both closeted and out

**Bottomhubby** · Jul 14, 2020, 6:51 AM

First off hi I am a 54 yo married bisexual bottom.
My wife has several health issues , and when I think about a future without here I find my fantasy or thought turn to me going full gay. Our sex life right now consists of her jacking me off , once 8n a blue moon she will use a dildo in my ass, she either will feed me my cum or not.
We haven't had "normal" sex in about 2 years. Yes she knows I am bi but prefers I don't indulge and what she does for me should be sufficient.
Does anyone else feel like me or am I alone?
In your opinion is she trying to push me that way?

**Basin_Bouy** · Jul 14, 2020, 8:10 AM

I got married 5 years ago to a woman. The night before we married I spent my first overnight with a man, the same man I see on a regular basis. God forbid anything happen to her, but if something did, I would marry him

**Tag200** · Jul 14, 2020, 9:32 AM

Well that’s a hard situation to be satisfied with, I am in a sexless marriage for many years so I understand your frustration. I don’t have a simple answer do you , maybe she is pushing you away but maybe she just has no interest in sec any longer.

**Focker** · Jul 14, 2020, 9:39 AM

Originally Posted by Bottomhubby

First off hi I am a 54 yo married bisexual bottom.
My wife has several health issues , and when I think about a future without here I find my fantasy or thought turn to me going full gay. Our sex life right now consists of her jacking me off , once 8n a blue moon she will use a dildo in my ass, she either will feed me my cum or not.
We haven't had "normal" sex in about 2 years. Yes she knows I am bi but prefers I don't indulge and what she does for me should be sufficient.
Does anyone else feel like me or am I alone?
In your opinion is she trying to push me that way?

I don't think she's trying to push you that way. She's probably confused by the whole thing. This is exactly why I don't understand men telling their wives about their bisexual desires or experiences. I have been married for 25 years, been BI my whole life, and there's No Way that I would tell my wife, and expect her to "understand". Unless your wife is bisexual herself, you are asking her to process something that is beyond her ability. Being BI-married is hard enough, I am certainly not going to burden my wife with it. This is my load to carry, it's personal and private. But that's just how I roll. Your mileage may vary.

**bblover** · Jul 14, 2020, 2:27 PM

Ok, here's my take based on my situation. Im 42 married and bi. Wife had suspicions for years and actually helped me admit it to myself. She indulges me in many ways such as strapon sex, dildo play, gay/bi porn nights, etc. The mention of threesomes was shot down because of her concern of me enjoying sex with another man more than with her.

Long story short, she is more than happy to oblige in any way she can without me fully acting on it. She is understanding and does everything she can without sharing me with another.

It seems like your wife is doing the same. Its a struggle for them too. Knowing that we want/need something they can't fully satisfy. Stay true to her and communicate. Once its out in the open, be honest.

**playful808** · Jul 14, 2020, 5:23 PM

Push You? Sounds more like she is just trying to give you what you want as best she can.

You could just ask her. In fact, you really should.

**delpark** · Jul 14, 2020, 8:23 PM

My wife is older than myself, she lost interest in sex years ago. The thought of her giving me a hand or even baring her breasts for my pleasure never enters her mind. Sex has deserted her.

My wife is in failing health. Interest in men has escalated in me. I can foresee going fully gay if she goes before I do.

I believe your wife is trying to meet your needs as she understands them, which can differ from your perspective.

**DD788Snipe** · Jul 14, 2020, 11:33 PM

Originally Posted by bblover

Ok, here's my take based on my situation. Im 42 married and bi. Wife had suspicions for years and actually helped me admit it to myself. She indulges me in many ways such as strapon sex, dildo play, gay/bi porn nights, etc. The mention of threesomes was shot down because of her concern of me enjoying sex with another man more than with her.

Long story short, she is more than happy to oblige in any way she can without me fully acting on it. She is understanding and does everything she can without sharing me with another.

It seems like your wife is doing the same. Its a struggle for them too. Knowing that we want/need something they can't fully satisfy. Stay true to her and communicate. Once its out in the open, be honest.

Wow I'm a bit jealous but I know it's hard to quell that desire for sex with another man. I'd give her kudos for sure. Sounds like she really loves you and wants to keep you happy.

**NJwood** · Jul 18, 2020, 9:46 PM

After I was widowed I decided I wasn’t going to allow anyone to limit my sexual desires. When it came up I told my soon to be second wife about my first encounter with a guy. It was an incredible turn on for her and relieving for me. I had one hook up with a guy while she and I were dating which she watched by webcam. Once we were married it just didn’t seem to come up. There were guys I’d comment on or more particularly, their cock. Fast forward to ten years married and post-menopausal and she found out I was playing with a dildo. She wasn’t really interested in fucking me with it but said she was fine with me seeking out men to play with. Some basic rules and I had to tell her all about the encounters. It still gets her hot and results in great sex with her.
I’m not interested in men for intimacy and she knows that. It works for us.

**Bicujr** · Jul 19, 2020, 10:56 AM

Married wife knows everything. I have no desire for a relationship with a man. It’s just sex. The only rule we have is that she is aware and sex must be with a condom. Threesomes are fine if she likes the person. What we don’t have is trust in anybody to keep their mouth shut and not spread our business. And meeting bi men is not the easiest thing in the world. Most bi men are in serious closet mode which is very different from gay men who are out and about and very easy to find. But I enjoy the fact that we are open and talk about it and joke around about it. There’s no stress no drama.

**KDaddy23** · Jul 20, 2020, 3:13 PM

Historically, women have always tended to be funny about this and many very much believe that if you're with them, they are all you are ever going to need when it comes to sex and intimacy but always reserve the right to take it all away at any time and for any reason. Some women are... better about it; they're not gonna be comfortable with their guy "running around" and playing with dicks so they try to do the best they can to accommodate his needs in this. Sometimes it's enough for a guy... and sometimes it just isn't. I wouldn't say that she's trying to push you away because, usually, when a woman finds this out about her man, she will bail on him if she can and if she can't, will find other ways to isolate herself from a guy who she might think doesn't want her or love her and, I think, "incapable" of understanding why she doesn't want to have sex with him. This is, in my opinion, the worst-case situation for any bisexual; on the one side, you have those vows that were taken and promising to stay together for better or worse and not to let any sundering happen by keeping only unto yourselves... but the reality of life tells a whole different story and to that end, it can be quite a blow to one's ego and beliefs to know that you're married to someone who wants and needs something you are powerless to give them - and not to mention that a guy isn't supposed to want sex and intimacy with another man to begin with.

It's a tough spot to be in and that's being nice about it and a great understatement. She's not trying to push you away but it makes sense that she doesn't want you out there indulging yourself so she does what she can and that should be enough for you... but maybe she also understands that it isn't. But you'd have to talk to her about that... and that's not ever an easy conversation to have with a woman.

**NakedInSeattle** · Jul 22, 2020, 2:44 AM

If she loves you, she wants to see you happy and not sexually frustrated. And I'm sure she'd prefer you were satisfying those urges with a man rather than another woman.
Bi the way, my wife loves that i love cock and enjoys sharing with me.

**Arsamatoria** · Jul 22, 2020, 12:12 PM

“She's probably confused by the whole thing. This is exactly why I don't understand men telling their wives about their bisexual desires or experiences. I have been married for 25 years, been BI my whole life, and there's No Way that I would tell my wife, and expect her to "understand". Unless your wife is bisexual herself, you are asking her to process something that is beyond her ability. Being BI-married is hard enough, I am certainly not going to burden my wife with it. This is my load to carry, it's personal and private.”
Very well stated, Focker. I totally agree.