The age old Bisexual Quandary

[zbi73]

I find it a perplexing that bisexual people cop flak from both the heterosexual and homosexual community. It's like we have to choose a side, we're not allowed to sit somewhere in the middle. Both camps call us homosexuals in denial. Is it that inconceivable that a man or woman can be turned on by another man or woman?

If I suck a cock or bottom, I must be gay but if I have my cock sucked and top, I can still be heterosexual and if I enjoy both (which is where I believe I will sit), I don't switch between heterosexual and homosexual rather branded with the later. That makes no sense at all. For me to top, I have to be hard, that implies sexual arousal, sexual arousal caused by another man. That's not heterosexual, it's bisexual at the very least.

The same can be said for situational homosexuality in prisons and the armed forces before women were allowed to join. Rather than masturbating, which to me seems the obvious solution, they choose gay sex. However what differs here is they both can be seen a heterosexual due to the absence of the opposite sex to fulfill their need.

Why is it that so many are scared of the bisexual label? It it because they don't want to be lumbered in the homosexual camp with the rest of the so called bisexuals? Do we remind them of their own secret same sex desires? Or is it because for the most part they can't tell us a part from the rest of the heterosexual community?

[Neonaught]

I think many homosexuals had such trauma coning to terms with their sexuality and society that they simply can't bear the idea there are any other labels except gay or straight.

Screw 'em! Labels are for soup cans, not people!

[KDaddy23]

They tell us that in the beginning, people were only heterosexual... then homosexuals appeared - well, really and truthfully, there were always homosexuals but we chose to believe that they never existed; immoral, mentally ill folks who refused to go with the mandate to be straight. Slowly but surely, the cry across the land was you were either straight or you were gay - but if you were gay, you were still all kinds of fucked up in the head. Then the NY Times wrote a piece that said that bisexuality is real even though before this event, bisexuals were thought to be non-existent because what person in their right mind would be sexually and/or romantically attracted to both men and women? The quandary is belief: People will always believe what they want to believe even if you give them hard evidence that what they believe is incorrect.

Across the land came a great cry: Why do we need labels to describe something like sexuality? Men and women across the land look like a duck and quack like a duck and say that they're not a duck or they're something other than a duck. A fear of what they really are? No, not really... but an imposed fear of being targeted by those who still - and ignorantly - continue to believe that people are either straight or gay. For some, it's the only way they can accept their behavior in this for they, like pretty much everyone, are well aware of the social and religious prohibitions against any behavior that isn't heterosexual and, being human, we can nitpick and slice and dice pretty much anything to make it fit with what we believe so a guy can, indeed, be on his knees, sucking another man's cock - but quite willing and capable of having sex with a woman - and convince himself that he's not bisexual and he's most certainly not homosexual.

And since this is what they believe, for anyone to suggest anything else is just fucked up - who are you to tell me what I am just because of the way I like to have sex? We very much hold true to the notion that actions speak louder than words... except for this. It's "believe what I say and not what I'm doing" and you gotta wonder about this and why there are so many people who think this way. I know what a lot of homosexuals went through before it gained the level of acceptance they have today - they caught all kinds of hell. Now bisexuals are catching that hell and who wants to have people busting their ass for being bisexual? No one does. So a lot of people self-deny it - I'm not the droid you're looking for but when no one is paying attention, I am that droid.

This quandary exists because we wouldn't be human if it didn't. We created it and we perpetuate it. The culprits are belief and perception and neither of these things really lend themselves to the truth so, yeah, if you like men and women, like having carnal knowledge of both, you're bisexual by definition and by deed... unless you don't believe that you are. People continue to see bisexuals and first and foremost think "homosexual" while overlooking the fact that bisexuals are also heterosexual. The quandary isn't bisexuality: It's our inability to accept that this is how people can be and for whatever reason they are... and that often includes some bisexuals who are, again, afraid of being singled out and persecuted for not being straight or gay.

They are, in fact, okay with being bisexual; it's just that there are a whole lot of other people who aren't okay and, as such, if you're not like us, you're against us... and you have to be dealt with.

[NakedInSeattle]

And 'NORMAL' is a setting on the washing macine.

[Bi_Dave]

Growing up, I never knew that there were just as many black bi/gays and maybe more than whites. I truly was surprised to see so many black guys in the act one way or another. I watched in amazement a very hung black guy fucking another black guy to the hilt! Wow!

[KDaddy23]

Growing up, I never knew that there were just as many black bi/gays and maybe more than whites. I truly was surprised to see so many black guys in the act one way or another. I watched in amazement a very hung black guy fucking another black guy to the hilt! Wow!

I've had people tell me that I couldn't be bisexual because all Blacks are homophobic; read an article that said that there is no such thing as a Black male bisexual. Really?

[playful808]

I've had people tell me that I couldn't be bisexual because all Blacks are homophobic; read an article that said that there is no such thing as a Black male bisexual. Really?

Amazing. More proof that some opinions have no value.


You can fix ignorance and inexperience, but you can not fix willful stupidity.

[CurEUs_Male]

you can not fix willful stupidity.

no, but Duck tape will make it quieter!

[playful808]

> Why is it that so many are scared of the bisexual label?

Because bisexual men have an awful reputation and they have a lot to lose.

They can lose friendships, family, church, jobs, community, etc. Guys still lose their kids over this. And for what? I can not blame guys for being scared.

Bisexual men have a strong reputation for being secretive, unfaithful, dishonest, indiscriminate, unsafe, desperate, dangerous, unethical, untrustworthy, mentally unstable, …

And you know what? As a group, we largely deserve this reputation. It is difficult to look at the bi males online and feel pride. At least, that is how I feel today.

[jem_is_bi]

> Why is it that so many are scared of the bisexual label?

Because bisexual men have an awful reputation and they have a lot to lose.

They can lose friendships, family, church, jobs, community, etc. Guys still lose their kids over this. And for what? I can not blame guys for being scared.

Bisexual men have a strong reputation for being secretive, unfaithful, dishonest, indiscriminate, unsafe, desperate, dangerous, unethical, untrustworthy, mentally unstable, …

And you know what? As a group, we largely deserve this reputation. It is difficult to look at the bi males online and feel pride. At least, that is how I feel today.

I am not presently looking for a new male-male sex hook up or partner.
But, if I was, (me being an old guy), I would definitely appreciate meeting the indiscriminate and desperate guys.

[bobsmith]

never concern yourself with what others have to say. live your life, be happy. if they can't be supportive of who you are then they are not needed in your life.

[NJwood]

I’m always befuddled about how we seem to need to identify our sexuality outside of those we are looking to be intimate with. The notion of coming out to anyone is just odd. Like the question of a son’s sexuality, it’s none of my business unless he’s asking my advice in some facet of it. I have 5 daughters and 1 son. It’s of no consequence what they do with whomever is there partner. I don’t care if they have a fuck boi or if they're deeply in love with someone or play both sides. The only person who needs to know and accept or reject the implications of their sexuality is whomever they are intimate with.

So this quandary is not something I run into. However, it does relate to what people like me experience when born of two different ethnic groups. I’m of Italian and Scottish decent. I’m not one or the other and for some that is a problem. But, that is their problem not mine. Same goes with my sexuality. If I was approached by someone gay and they hit on me. All they need to know is that I’m interested in hooking up. I’m going to suck his cock maybe even have him fuck my ass. The only thing that matters is I desire it. If someone were to say oh you’re gay id just say that my wife just doesn’t have a cock I love her pussy and the rest of her she just can’t provide me the services of a real cock.

[KDaddy23]

A lot of people are able to ignore the dumb shit surrounding sexuality; it's just that there are many more who just can't and, as such, the quandary was born and continues to exist over all this time. One of the "problems" with bisexuality and some bisexuals is that they're more worried about what others will think about them than they are over the fact that they're bisexual; we know about the stigma and this stupid biphobia shit has been running wild since someone made it up. We know that, generally speaking, the angst against bisexuality is real... now it's a matter of whether or not you're going to let the fear others have influence the way you want and need to be.

Me? I haven't given a fuck about what someone else might think since I was maybe 16 or so because I realized that no matter what someone else thinks, it's not going to change who and what I am or, your problem with it ain't my problem... and no one is going to make their problem a problem for me. But, again, some people can't do that so the quandary that won't be going away any time soon just bothers the shit out of them and it's not easy to not be bothered by the perceptions other people have.

[dowmass]

I’m always befuddled about how we seem to need to identify our sexuality outside of those we are looking to be intimate with. The notion of coming out to anyone is just odd. Like the question of a son’s sexuality, it’s none of my business unless he’s asking my advice in some facet of it. I have 5 daughters and 1 son. It’s of no consequence what they do with whomever is there partner. I don’t care if they have a fuck boi or if they're deeply in love with someone or play both sides. The only person who needs to know and accept or reject the implications of their sexuality is whomever they are intimate with.

So this quandary is not something I run into. However, it does relate to what people like me experience when born of two different ethnic groups. I’m of Italian and Scottish decent. I’m not one or the other and for some that is a problem. But, that is their problem not mine. Same goes with my sexuality. If I was approached by someone gay and they hit on me. All they need to know is that I’m interested in hooking up. I’m going to suck his cock maybe even have him fuck my ass. The only thing that matters is I desire it. If someone were to say oh you’re gay id just say that my wife just doesn’t have a cock I love her pussy and the rest of her she just can’t provide me the services of a real cock.

I don't know how many have had the courage and opportunity to risk coming out as BI. I believe that "attraction between a man and a woman" has been drilled down our psyche for ages - That one can be shamed for sleeping with someone of the same gender is beyond just "Bad", but in some cultures (like mine - India), "UNTHINKABLE".

That is exactly the reason why many men stay closeted. I wish I was among the few that can tell their spouses that they are attracted to both a woman and a man equally. I cannot do that because, I would lose everything - and maybe will have to kill myself out of shame and guilt. I know it sounds weird - but that is the truth.

Should I denigrate my spouse and my culture as "conservative" or of "cave age" - I don't think so. Cultures take hundreds of years to evolve, and at the micro level it is about the two - the man and his wife. Thought processes do not change that fast - and that is sadly, the truth.

[JimmyPlays]

If a Gay or Str8 guy gives me any flak about being Bi. well if its just teasing and no baring of teeth then its ok, funs fun
But if its for real and there's anger in that voice, then I'm not your guy, either he leaves or I leave.

[chiefconsultant63]

I am quite satisfied with my bi life except I am deeply closeted because of public opinion so those who are down on bi people can go fuck themselves...or me if they like.

[Jazminedress]

Just wandering thought.................because I have made the same statement before, that being Bi confuses the hell out of both sides.

But, do you think it could also just be part of society at the moment ? I mean, years ago I voted for Clinton, then I switched back to Republican, why, I voted person not party (not to start a pro or anti argument). Now society either wants me straight liberal, or straight conservative, no in between. Even though I am conservative on some issues, socially liberal on others.

Religon, they seem to demand from one side you scream your Christianity from the roof tops, the other side wants to pick out every word in the bible they can piece together to slam christians................they don't want you to just go quietly about your life. Each side wants me one side or the other.

It just seems like everything is full on divided into two camps now and everyone wants you to commit...............so I would respectfully ask, is it less concern over sexuality and just the new societal norm to only allow two choices ? Heck, look at wearing masks now, divided straight up the middle mostly.

( I do understand that being Bi has caused confusion for many years for straight and gay people. I also understand many people were "bi" and came to the conclusion they were gay and had to make that journey, but I would think the fact I can easily go out dressed as I do now, things would have changed to be more accepting.)

For all us older people............to me, the way society is, you couldnt even do the Pepsi / Coke challange these days without it turning into a fight and a political national conversation

So just wondering if it is more a society issue at this time of being divided

[KDaddy23]

It's not an "at this time" societal issue; it's been one way before now but with less riffing about homosexuality these days, guess who gets to be in the bull's eye? If humans aren't pitching a bitch about something, we're not happy campers! The only reason bisexuality confuses people is the black and white thinking that has been a part of us since forever. In the beginning, everyone was straight (or so we wanted it to be that way); then gay folks started to really emerge and we got into that "pick a side" stuff and we grudgingly felt that one is either straight or gay... then the light got shined on bisexuals who are both straight and gay... but neither one exclusively... and instead of people saying, "Oh, okay, well, it can be like that!" they choose to get all bent out of shape and mostly, I think, because their view of things has been, once again, proven to be incorrect.

It becomes even more of an "issue" not because there are bisexuals (and there has always been bisexuals) but people are in a, "Well, I wouldn't do that!" frame of mind and many just believe that just because they wouldn't do that, no one should do that. Then because we seem to be more romantically inclined in these things, well, shit - who has sex with a guy (in our case) just to have sex with him? Why aren't they in a relationship like everyone else is or trying to do? And once again, "pick a side and stay there" re-emerges because there are still people who just cannot get their heads around the reality of what sex and sexuality is. We're told to pick a side and we have, in fact, picked a side: Both sides. We understand that... not everyone else does so they're confused because what we're capable of doesn't jive with the way they think things are supposed to be.

It's always been an issue and way before bisexuality took center stage. I've witnessed and been subjected to this confusion way back in 1969. Straight and gay folks firmly believe that their sexuality is the "best" way to be... and bisexuals fuck it all up for them and they're confused.

[Long Duck Dong]

the age old bisexual quandary..... is mostly a case of putting people in a basket and labeling them..... its simply a case of tribalism, of US vs THEM....but bisexuals can be just as bad at labeling heterosexual and gay / lesbian people as close minded, opinionated etc......

but by the same token, I have seen arguments in this site about how bisexuals should not be monogamous and happy in relationships and marriages, how they should be out indulging themselves and its the fault of heterosexual females that bisexual males are monogamous.... I have often had the thinking that people tend to find fault with the rest of the world in order to make up for their own flawed existence.........

personally for a long time, I disliked calling myself bisexual for the very reasons that playful808 posted.... I was sick and tired of the negative backlash because of the actions of other people, and asking other people to know me before they judge me, fell on deaf ears....... even now, I do not call myself bi but a person in a closed group consisting of my intersex female partner, a male and two females and the reaction is generally more favorable and questioning, than judgemental, tho some guys have immediately thought it must be great having 3 females to fuck cos thats their mindset, they think with their cocks and how a situation best benefits their cock.......

I am also reminded of the NZ fight for same sex marriage rights, there was a small but vocal group of gays that opposed heterosexuals and bisexuals standing up and fighting for same sex marriage rights and a even smaller LGBT group that opposed same sex marriage rights because people would marry just to make a point ( actually they were right, the LGBT have a much higher marriage failure rate than the heterosexuals ).....

The thing that stands out to me the most, is something that another member once said..... we talk about being bisexual yet most of what we talk about is M/M sex and how great M/M sex is than M/F sex unless its a woman being fucked so she can be eaten out but no woman can ever suck cock as good as a guy can and M/M sex is the best and M/F sex is just too much hard work to get.....
maybe that is one of the reasons why we get told to pick a side ? cos we often do when it comes to sex, we just like to keep our options open....

[BluegrassBi]

For dating emotionally fulfilling type relationships it's always been women for me. If it's about having fun, feeling good or just plain nasty naked people fucking sex, I can have a good time with whatever comes to hand. I have no desire to kiss a man, but it can be fun sucking his dick. Looking back on it, most of the guy on guy stuff has been in the context of couples or groups. On the rare occasion it's been one one with another guy it has always been with a guy who was the male half of a couple I already knew.

I don't know where that puts me on the scale, but so far it's been fine by me and the folks I play with.

[KDaddy23]

At the end of any day, it's a quandary because we make it one. We learn - and have been learning - that sex (and related things) just ain't between men and women and you'd think that we'd learn not to be making such a fuss over stuff we know people are doing, not only having sex (and related things) but exploring the sure and certain fact that a person can have some kind of sex with anyone who is willing to join in. Human are so tribal and the fear of the other - anyone who ain't like us - is a trait that we just can't rise above and to the point where we lose sight of the main thing here - sex - and get to riffing about who we might have sex with and all based upon a religious premise that has long since been proven to be incorrect.

We here on the forum spend a lot of time talking about things M2M because this is the part we need to better understand - having sex with women, yeah, we understand that part well enough. It's the 21st century... and there are still people who don't understand what sex really is and how it can be done and, I think, the people who aren't bi that keeps the quandary - and drama - alive and well just can't make any peace with the fact that sex is interchangeable between men and women and that for many bisexuals, it doesn't matter whether our next sexual partner is male or female and, yep, if we can have both at the same time, well, it just does not get any better than that. Who does what better? Does it matter? What matters, I think, is it's being done - people are having sex and otherwise being intimate outside of traditional and societal norms. So any other fussing is just... fussing because if we're not fussing about something...