Attitudes toward oral sex

[Annika L]

This is a kind of response to a post in another thread. I felt it deserved its own consideration.

Why are Brides so happy on their wedding day ?
Answer : Because after that, they will never have to give another Blow Job!

Men’s and women’s attitudes toward oral sex have always baffled me. Oral sex is amazing, giving and receiving, with either sex. Now, I know that quote was offered as a joke in a light spirit...but damn it, I have my reputation as an overly analytical bitch to uphold!

Why would you think that an activity so many of the men here seem to be willing to risk a stable relationship for the chance to perform would be disgusting to a woman?

Why would an act so many men want performed on them by a woman be something they are so unwilling to perform for/on a woman?

I suspect three main reasons why women get twisted up about oral sex:
(1) The power dynamic;
(2) Societal expectations; and
(3) Lack of reciprocity.

Why do so many porn depictions of oral sex (hell, of any sex) show men choking women, or forcing themselves down their throats until they choke? Why do so few show women delicately teasing the man’s penis with her lips and tongue? Making him beg to cum? There is a power dynamic between the sexes that I suspect leaves a number of women feeling like the only way they can win is to refuse to play. If you want a woman to go down on you, or to do so more often, you might think about that.

Also, society seems to want women to not like sex (again, why does porn have so much nonconsensual sex? It’s like men want women not to want them...right up to the point of not actually wanting them, of course). They want women to be unwilling or disinterested, but accessible. But sheesh, if a woman is enthusiastic about giving head, even other women will shame them! Society has a code of conduct for women (as it does for men), and enjoying oral sex is in direct violation...at least until you *want* her to go down on you. It’s fucking confusing for women!

And then of course nothing screams “I think of you as nothing more than a whore” than her doing a fabulous job of bringing a man off with her mouth...and then the guy won’t reciprocate...often won’t bring her off at all. “I can’t stand the smell/taste”...well shit, sexual organs of both sexes are an acquired taste, but well-worth the acquiring. “It takes too long.” I pity you. Don’t worry; with practice, you’ll get better. “I really have no effing clue what I’m doing down there.” You think she knows what she’s doing with a penis? We learn each other’s bodies, but it takes patience.

I’d love to hear people’s responses and thoughts on the topic.

[Long Duck Dong]

hi annika, its great to see you are still around.....

some questions I can provide answers for but not as absolute statements......

why are guys less likely to reciprocate ? the most common reason I have heard, is the smell, not the natural scent of a woman, but the stronger smell.. and its something they were talking about the other day in an LGBTQIA forum on FB about how do you tell a female that she needs to address the odor without pissing her right off.... and yes i have noticed that its harder to find porn with male on female oral and honestly most of its bad compared to female on female oral......

on a personal note, my intersex female partner loves getting oral from me and says its as good as our lady lovers....but they all smell natural, its not overpowering.... and may have something to do with the fact that I have nothing planned for the rest of the night, my cock is not as important as their pleasure....... our male lover is in palliative care, but he was the same, oral on ladies is bliss... and fucking them was more about their pleasure than ours... cos when they are sated, we can finish and clean up.....so eveybody got pleasure..... and sucking cock was optional for the ladies...sane days they wanted to, some days they did not....


Society on females regarding sex ?.... in NZ, its the feminist / womans rights groups that are creating a lot of issues for females, they want woman seen as sexually empowered women but also victims if the type of sex does not fit their view of what women want... and its pissing females right off cos they are being told no you are not allowed to enjoy consensual slapping or choking, handcuffs, straps, roleplay / powerplay / consensual light bdsm, you are an empowered woman that owns your sexuality and sex life, you are just not allowed to enjoy it..... and to be honest, one of the most vocal reporters on #metoo in NZ, is a lesbian who is married to another woman, called allison mau and she is very much considered to be anti male because 99% of her articles are against males, finding fault with males, what males should do to fix issues in NZ, male sex offenders but she will ignore any main news stories involving female sex empower, female sex offenders etc etc..... and shes a driving force behind the idea that women are victims and can not enjoy their own sexuality, if it involves sexual practices she does not believe in

We had a post in a NZ forum the other week and one female said she wanted to * fuck around the world * in NZ ( fucking people from different countries ), and was annoyed that so many guys turned her down flat, and as one commentator said, * remember guys, women are allowed to hit on us, but if we do it to them, its sexual harassment *..... and there was a article about how millennial's in NZ, are having less sex than the other generations, at a average once a week instead of 2-3 times a week... and it may have to do with a lot less of them are in relationships but using tinder and other places to * hook up *... I can only assume that its so they have more control over their sex life but finding that more control does not mean more sex or sex when they want......

one of the NZ studies on porn and types of sex used porn hubs most viewed in NZ videos as a way of working out that a large number of videos contain aspects of light BSDM, ergo the majority of people in NZ that watch porn are into choking and slapping..... just because a video has that in it, does not mean that people watch it for that and a lot of the videos in the most watched, were shorts from other videos and sites and may have different labels.....

I remember the * steak and BJ * day thing that floated around for a while, the idea that a woman cooks her man a steak and then sucks his cock... but I can not remember a reciprocating day.... I remember the threads about how a female can not suck cock as well as a guy..... and I remember a lot of threads about eating out a woman after shes been fucked by a guy and he has cum in her...... now I really have no idea if thats just a bisexual.com aspect of one sided thinking cos we have so many males and very few ladies....

I honestly do not know, annika, I agree with what you are saying, a female can and does get shamed for wanting to suck a guys cock by other females that do not like it......but there are times I do think that some women do it because its expected and yes once they get married, its a sense of its harder for the guy to dump her and walk off.....but I also tend to believe that its not just women that can feel that once married, there does not need to be as much focus on great sex.......... in the LGBTQIA group of FB a lot of the ladies do say, that just a kiss from another lady can get them ready to play and that they constantly hear about how it takes a good 20 minutes to get them in the mood, according to articles.... and the ladies say the same thing time and time again, you treat us well, fuck us even better than we will respond to just a kiss......if its taking you 20 minutes to get us excited, its cos we know you will cum in 10 and we have to finish off by hand.....

[dan.woodlawn]

I cant speak for everyone.

My wife of more than 20 years still loves giving head...she enjoys the feeling of going fron soft to hard, the taste, the smell when i am clean. She doesnt like sucking for 15 minutes and she doesnt like the cum

I enjoy everything she enjoys plus what does doesnt.

When it comes to licking her, under assumption of clean, i could spend a looooonnngggg time down there...make it a part time job.

[chtampa]

I have been married and had many girlfriends and with very few exceptions, all have given long blowjobs and swallowed without any coaxing. The ones that didn't were very abbreviated relationships as I enjoy doing the same and wouldn't accept any less. I have an ex-wife that had the worst smelling vagina and she would never do anything about it but I suspected it had to do with vitamins or minerals she was taking. I don't believe that people are being controlled by feminism to the extent that it is controlling sex. I am 62 and think that in a "catch and release" environment that people are keeping the wrong fish. I look for certain personalities in women and the result is that they want to make me happy but are not submissive in any way. They are a "pleaser" just like I am. I think that selfish people make for lousy lovers and people are becoming too tolerant of partners that are not fulfilling their needs. If you pick your partners well, you won't have to make excuses for them.

[eager4cum]

I appreciate your questions very much. I have no definitive answers and can not argue with your suspected reasons. The only reason I am responding here is that I would like to add a bit to your questions.
Why is it ok in society in general for women to suck and swallow and generally NOT ok for men to suck and swallow? I know you you noted that there is some shaming for women that enjoy sucking but when it comes to men, it is much more than some shaming, men enjoying cum are another degree worse for enjoying cum, at least as far as I see in society "norms". I mean, even her and others sex communities, there are fewer men that will actually enjoy cum and will say, it is not for them, but at the same time, expect it is fine for women. I don't get it. Anyone should be able to enjoy it, I know I do. I LOVE sucking, cum and "licking / eating at the Y" so much I could do it for hours.

[dan.woodlawn]

It just occured to me, this is probably the wrong sample size of population.

the folks who respond to this are probably very in touch with themselves and also enjoy sex...or they would not be on this site.
They are also bi which probably comes with a higher distribution of oral folks.
But your question is safe here...but might not get the rationals you want.

[Long Duck Dong]

I appreciate your questions very much. I have no definitive answers and can not argue with your suspected reasons. The only reason I am responding here is that I would like to add a bit to your questions.
Why is it ok in society in general for women to suck and swallow and generally NOT ok for men to suck and swallow? I know you you noted that there is some shaming for women that enjoy sucking but when it comes to men, it is much more than some shaming, men enjoying cum are another degree worse for enjoying cum, at least as far as I see in society "norms". I mean, even her and others sex communities, there are fewer men that will actually enjoy cum and will say, it is not for them, but at the same time, expect it is fine for women. I don't get it. Anyone should be able to enjoy it, I know I do. I LOVE sucking, cum and "licking / eating at the Y" so much I could do it for hours.

it may have to do with the same thinking that two females kissing is accepted but two guys kissing is not.... people that are not interested in same sex activity, do not want to see or know about two guys kissing.... but if its two females, they may be more interested, but in a LGBT cruise bar do we really think that gay males want to see two females kissing ......... and where I live, they have started to ban kissing on the dance floor at the nightclub cos its creating too much drama now, because people can not just say, excuse me, it ends up as *Get off the fucking dance floor * regardless of gender.....

people that are into sucking cocks are not going to see much wrong with sucking cocks but thats cos they enjoy doing it, and tend to see others as wrong for not being interested or ok with it.....

we have had the females are no good at sucking cock, guys are better. threads........and while we may not agree with that, its a giant F.U to the ladies....... but the idea that sucking a guys cock is ok for a female to do ? the argument there is that a female should do it as part of a loving sex act even if they do not like sucking cocks... and the irony is many of those same guys that say that, will not go down on a female..... however we have had the * steak and BJ * day stance which for some males, has been pushed as the female is not a woman, shes a sex object for his pleasure.. but shes a bitch and a slut if she treats the male the same way lol

[KDaddy23]

I’ve heard this a lot in my life. One of the thing I learned early on was that if you didn’t eat pussy, you might not get any as well as if you wa Ted her to give you head, you’d better be ready to give her head and then more than just a few licks. Some guys believe that a woman’s role in sex is to only give him pleasure and her only pleasure should come from his cock in her pussy; some guys whine and complain about the smell, and some guys don’t believe in oral sex at all, giving or receiving. Society has mind fucked us about this as well, slut shaming women who love to suck cock while not saying much about men who won’t eat pussy.

Then, the power struggle. It is also said that she who has the pussy makes the rules and there are many women who will not suck dick - but if you don’t go down on her and stay there until she’s satisfied, dude, you ain’t shit. Some women understand that to suck a guy off means she’s not getting fucked so the best way to ensure she does get fucked, no dick sucking is gonna happen. Then you tack on the many women who have been traumatized When sucking dick, from that “I won’t cum in your mouth - I promise!” thing to guys thinking that women really do love having their mouth used as a pussy and fucked good and hard and if she’s choking and gagging, eh, that’s not his problem - and we see too much porn that depicts this as a good thing to do when it’s actually pretty dangerous.

Both men and women complain that it takes too long to give someone “good head;” some guy find it almost impossible to cum via oral and women often require a lot of oral stimulation to achieve orgasm and, well, it’s really a lack of patience, becoming indifferent about it; it becomes a chore that then ranks way below cleaning toilets or some other distasteful task. Both sides complain about it not being done “the right way” while both sides, more often than not, aren’t of a mind to tell someone how to get them off with their mouth - and I even know of women who don’t like to,be eaten because it makes them lose control and makes them more vulnerable than they are comfortable with.

And then some people don’t believe that oral sex is sex - it’s just foreplay and not meant to be a satisfying act unto itself. People get all weirded out about the smells of sex, the tastes involved and some guys are very squeamish about putting their mouth on something that routinely bleeds every 28 days or so. The rise of feminism - again - has many women saying that they don't have to suck that dick if they don’t want to and you can’t make them do it but, again, if you don’t eat that pussy, chances are good someone else will be eating it - but he’d better not even think about getting some “bitch” - or even some nasty-assed down low motherfucker to do to you what she refuses to do.

And, of course, many men who don’t or won’t eat pussy say pretty much the same thing. And then you tack on personal preferences and this whole oral sex thing becomes one hell of a cluster fuck. Many point to oral sex going out the window once a woman has secured a man in her life and too many men don’t eat that pussy because she’s stopped sucking that dick. And while you can logically and intelligently argue in favor of more oral sex and everyone involved can agree that it jist makes sense, more often than not, it’s too much like work and, just as often, considered to be a waste of time and more so if the favor isn’t be returned.

Some women say that they have never orgasmed via oral sex and since that’s “impossible,” why bother with it? Allowing herself to be eaten - and just to make him happy - is a waste of time. I don’t know of any guys who can just walk up to their woman and ask her to blow him and she’ll rush to do it; he’s likely to be told she’ll do it later (and then don’t do it), ask if that’s all he ever thinks about, and even ask what’s in it for her as well as suggesting that he get the fuck out of her face - she ain’t got time for that shit. Likewise, I don’t know of many women who will, out of the blue, stroll up to homey and say, “Come eat this pussy - but I don’t want to fuck or suck your dick, okay?” And dudes will sometimes decline because there’s nothing in it for him - why should she be pleasured when he’s not going to be pleasured in return?

It’s attitude, preferences, social expectations and in the face of negative effects due to prior experiences; in this, if someone in their past gave shitty head, it’s is always going to be shitty or maybe it didn’t go well last night and the incorrect assumption that it’s never going to go well tomorrow. But the resistance to oral sex with reciprocation is more of an emotional kind of thing, from trauma to deeming it an ineffectual way to consistently ejaculate and/or orgasm. It’s that power struggle and as evidenced by another saying I’ve heard about this: Get on your knees and show me you love me, woman! And women get highly offended because no one likes being told or ordered to do this and more so if they just don’t want to do it for some reason - except those into D/s but I think that’s different.

[Annika L]

It just occured to me, this is probably the wrong sample size of population.

the folks who respond to this are probably very in touch with themselves and also enjoy sex...or they would not be on this site.
They are also bi which probably comes with a higher distribution of oral folks.
But your question is safe here...but might not get the rationals you want.

I learned *years* ago not to expect rationals from this site, LOL.

I certainly agree with you that people here are not representative of the general population and thus can only speculate about “normal folk”.

But do please note that my question was inspired by a comment by a person on this site. Nor is the view that person expressed an uncommon one to see here. So I think I can still get (and have gotten) interesting/worthwhile commentary from our members.

If you have research $$ and would like to pursue a more scientifically meaningful study, I’d be happy to participate.

[Annika L]

I appreciate your questions very much.
<snip>
Why is it ok in society in general for women to suck and swallow and generally NOT ok for men to suck and swallow?

I appreciate your appreciation. *smile*

But I think your question really reduces to “why are homosexual acts so deplored by society?” I mean the obvious distinction between a woman sucking and swallowing and a man doing the same is precisely the difference between heterosexuality and homosexuality.

It’s certainly a worthy topic, but it is a different topic.

The dynamic LDD mentions may or may not play any role (he and I have argued about society’s acceptance of FF relations before...I argue that society isn't nearly as kind/accepting toward FF relations or relationships as many bisexual men seem to feel is the case)...but society's general antipathy toward homosexuality (MM or FF) certainly does play a role in why it’s ok (relatively speaking) for women to suck cock, but not for men.

[nu2curious]

Too bad there's still so many issues surrounding sex and sexuality, I mean really, as Ian Hunter said in one of his songs "too many snags ".
Now to the point, society at least from my vantage point does accept FF relations as being cool, with it and erotic, all of that however not so much MM relations. I've seen many posts some from bi women who said they'd dump their guy if he was caught giving oral to another guy. What?????????? Go figure that one if you can get your brain around it, I couldn't for the life of me except to say perhaps it would shatter that person's perception of her man somehow.
My experience is one of heavy bias toward FF as acceptable and rejection of MM and also a lack of understanding the many shades of MM participation putting it delicately so to speak.

[playful808]

I can’t imagine getting that close to a woman who thinks oral is gross.

I have had a lot of women in my life and they all enjoyed oral sex, giving and receiving.

[borntosuckcock]

Ladies I’ve been with enjoyed receiving and giving oral. I always preferred to go first, I love eating puss and it connects me to her body.

[Long Duck Dong]

The dynamic LDD mentions may or may not play any role (he and I have argued about society’s acceptance of FF relations before...I argue that society isn't nearly as kind/accepting toward FF relations or relationships as many bisexual men seem to feel is the case)...but society's general antipathy toward homosexuality (MM or FF) certainly does play a role in why it’s ok (relatively speaking) for women to suck cock, but not for men.

lol debated..... it sounds better...... and yes we have debated, your stances are thought provoking and thats what I love cos I have to sit back and look at society as a whole and from multiple angles where as I find that some people argue that their stance is right, there is no other possible view point even if others view points differ based on personal experience.....

I was reading a thread in here the other day about how the sites become one of constant talk about gay sex and nude pics, thats not surprising based on the majority gender aspect of the forum, and I belong to a FB LGBTQIA site where the majority are females
so me being me, talked about oral on a women ( lots of likes and comments ) and oral on a male ( 3 comments a couple of likes )... but when a female mentioned oral on a guy, 150+ comments and the majority of them were * eww, I am a lesbian, I would never go there with a guy. no self respecting LGBTQIA female would get into a poly relationship with another female and a guy *...... so yeah it is interesting to see the difference purely based on majority gender......

I struggle with the idea that its acceptable for women to suck cock and not ok for males to do it, when if we view this site, we see the its ok for males to suck cock and females tend to not like it.... yet many posts refer to males and females sucking cock quite happily tho its harder to get a gasp on females and males performing oral on females as its less talked about........and well ladies tend to be more private and discreet about sex than males but if I look at the fb group, I see the opposite and shaming of females that enjoy sex.......

but yeah having spoken to some females that enjoy sucking cocks, their answer is I want to suck it, not gag on it or be choked by it but there is the thinking that the * patriarchal * society views it as a right to have their cocks sucked, by other females so any female that sucks cock is bowing down to males.....and that relates to the feminism thinking of my original post ( I am referring to modern feminism which is regarded as a vocal minority, not the original equal rights for females feminism )

we may not have agreed on many things, annika but you have always brought up things that provoke thought, understanding and challenging viewpoints and honestly I miss that in this site......... but I do have the viewpoint that we as a society ( meaning society as a whole, not gendered or sexuality ) are always going to have viewpoints and that some will be based on personal experiences and some will be based on US vs them..... and maybe I live on an island of my own lol....

[JeffT]

Love oral sex. Pussy or cock are both good as long it's clean and shaved or at least trimmed. Hair is a turn off.

[icbtiaoh]

I think societal pressures and expectations, as well as a general lack of time instilled a "take it or leave it" attitude towards oral sex in our relationship. Neither me nor my wife seemed like we enjoyed it for a long time in our marriage. But about 4-5 years ago, we were in a rut. Not a bad rut, but a rut of 'ok' and maybe it was a mid-life crisis, but I wanted more and had to figure what more I wanted and how to ask for it. Long story, short, is that it required a fundamental change from thinking about sex as a way to get to orgasm, to thinking about sex as just a fun thing to do, that felt good regardless of whether orgasm was achieved. The result is that we made more time to just linger, and found that it was pretty damn fun to linger with one's mouth full. And because of that change in attitude we've even come to realize that many times that is all we want to do. Since our rut days, I've sucked dick for the first time, and she's licked pussy for the first time and oral has become one of our favorite activities, to enjoy. I pity (but not judge) those that are missing out.