Can you REALLY not host?

[Tnstr8sucker]

I worked before as a UPS driver and during the day, maybe 1 out of 10 homes had someone there. Typically both people in a relationship work. Kids are in school.
Yet, nobody can ever host.

I work mobile on the road locally during the day with a lot of daytime flexibility with my current job. On various sites, I talk with a lot of guys who also can meet up during the day. Yet......They can't host. Does everyone really live with people that never leave the house 24/7?

Ive got various times that I can host, but I live about 15 minutes away from a major metro area and nobody is willing to drive "that far" to play....So that doesn't work either.

I personally think a lot of it is BS and saying you "cant host" is an easy way to solve the "cold feet" problem for those who are only on the sites to chat, swap pics, and JO. I sometimes think that I'm in the minority that I want to actually meet in person and play. While I dont mind chatting and getting comfortable, having the same conversations with the same guys, over and over and over, gets old.

[Danblguy]

I agree that sometimes it can be BS, but not always. In my case my wife does not work and is home most of the time. In the rare event that she may be gone, I have others to contend with - NEIGHBORS. All a married guy would need is a well meaning neighbor asking the wife " who's car was that the other day" . Game over.

[NjbiGuy01]

I agree that sometimes it can be BS, but not always. In my case my wife does not work and is home most of the time. In the rare event that she may be gone, I have others to contend with - NEIGHBORS. All a married guy would need is a well meaning neighbor asking the wife " who's car was that the other day" . Game over.

My neighbor is a techno-geek. He put a camera on all sides of his house, including our shared driveway which is where the side entrance to my house is. At-night, motion trips a light when the camera goes on. He can even speak to me through it from his phone remotely !! Man....

Plus, I live on a small, quiet, residential block where some people work from home, there are stay at home mom's, retired people walking dogs... and many people know many people. I met a dude on Adam in my town that sounded perfect, until I realized he was literally up the block from me ! While it was very tempting super cool convenient thing, it was also risky as I know some of his neighbors socially or my wife does... all it takes is a casual "I didn't know Bob knew Sam my neighbor ?!"....oh oh...

I've actually had a few people I was bold enough or comfortable enough or horny enough to invite to my office, but in hindsight, it's not exactly something I like to do.

I try to meet prospective partners socially first. Grab coffee or a beer and then take things further if we feel it, usually at a future date. That usually means a motel in another town or a couple of towns away. I admire those who can host. It means a ton to me if someone hosts at a house or apartment, although I know not everyone can. Usually splitting a room is the fairest and most discrete thing. There's a few short-stay motels around here where cash is cool. I have a private credit card for this kind of fun, so that's not an issue.

FWIW: I got badgered by some guy in the next town from me who wanted me to meet him for "car-play". Seriously, do I want to risk getting arrested dude ? But I WAS THE FAKER because I wouldn't.... yeah okay.

[Danblguy]

​I have had the same issue with guys wanting car play. I may be horny but not crazy. Have also had guys react badly when I decline.

[monaohio]

i can not host cause wife is always here and she does not know i let guys do me

[fredward]

Some people, like me, want to keep those worlds entirely separate. If you can't host, I totally understand. I will never host tho.

[Danblguy]

Well said fredward.

[Dutch3]

I won't host either. Not only is someone usually home, I don't easily trust people. My nightmare scenario is some guy showing up at my door unnannounced with a story for my wife.

[Danblguy]

I won't host either. Not only is someone usually home, I don't easily trust people. My nightmare scenario is some guy showing up at my door unnannounced with a story for my wife.

Nightmare is putting it mildly.

[Robtiti]

I won't host either. Not only is someone usually home, I don't easily trust people. My nightmare scenario is some guy showing up at my door unnannounced with a story for my wife.

This. Safety is always my concern. Then you never know down the line when hosting someone can bite you in the ass. Pass on the hosting.

[jonfranklin]

Yeah, being married and bi, my neighbors would undoubtedly be my downfall, not maliciously but it's not a risk I really want to take with someone I may not know well enough. Now if I had a regular guy, I'm sure there would be a way for me to host, eventually.

[jem_is_bi]

I am not married and prefer to host and have done so for more than 15 years.
My long time partner is a very regular visitor. He has a key to my house and I have a key to his.
My neighbors all know that we are more than friends and that has not caused us any problems.
They never bring up the subject of our sexual relationship. I am sure it is a version of don't ask don't tell that is more comfortable for them.
My interactions with neighbors is very friendly.

[zbi73]

If I were out I wouldn't see hosting an issue, but I'm not, so like many it would be a massive issue/risk I'm not prepared to take.

[SilkyHoseLover]

I'm married, and I prefer to host, but do not get a lot of opportunities to do so, because my wife and I are both retired. She rarely goes anywhere for any length of time without my being along. She knows and is ok with my occasional sexual activities with other men (or gurls) but I'm not comfortable with asking her to leave for awhile so that I can have some playtime. (She's a wonder - she WOULD do this for me, if I asked, but I just can't bring myself to to do that...)

I feel the most comfortable and free in my home, and those who join me also feel safe and comfortable. Being one who insists on substantive communications and at least one vanilla meet before playtime, I try to learn as much about the other party as possible, and build up a level of trust prior to getting together.

Interesting that so many are concerned about neighbors. From what the UPS guy says, most of them probably aren't around during the day, either! My neighbors don't know anything about my sexuality, and it's not their business. I occasionally get together with another musician to talk music or play guitar, and I have another friend who visits to watch football or just talk, so it's not unusual to have someone drop by. Perfectly innocent!

[Danblguy]

I'm married, and I prefer to host, but do not get a lot of opportunities to do so, because my wife and I are both retired. She rarely goes anywhere for any length of time without my being along. She knows and is ok with my occasional sexual activities with other men (or gurls) but I'm not comfortable with asking her to leave for awhile so that I can have some playtime. (She's a wonder - she WOULD do this for me, if I asked, but I just can't bring myself to to do that...)

I feel the most comfortable and free in my home, and those who join me also feel safe and comfortable. Being one who insists on substantive communications and at least one vanilla meet before playtime, I try to learn as much about the other party as possible, and build up a level of trust prior to getting together.

Interesting that so many are concerned about neighbors. From what the UPS guy says, most of them probably aren't around during the day, either! My neighbors don't know anything about my sexuality, and it's not their business. I occasionally get together with another musician to talk music or play guitar, and I have another friend who visits to watch football or just talk, so it's not unusual to have someone drop by. Perfectly innocent!

The difference is that , as you stated, your wife is aware of your other activities. Not the case for all of us. So if something were said by others she would not be concerned. Our neighbors are all mostly home and are friends with us and know our usual visitors, so it is a serious concern.

[NYC-BF-WM]

We live in a small NYC apartment that looks like a hoarder's trove.
Before it looked so junky we had people over.
We find meeting at a swing club most convenient.
No concern for late-shows or no-shows.
This Saturday we are planning to be a at big monthly bi couples party at Pendulum Swing Club

[Tnstr8sucker]

Great feedback! I also am in a unique situation where my wife is cool with it. So I can even host if she's home. I forgot that this site is mostly married bi guys who most are keeping DL. In that case, I can understand for the most part. I probably should direct my question more to the experiences I have chatting with more of a gay crowd such as on grindr. Guys who are out. Use face pics. Etc. Almost none of them "can" host either.

This is probably just more of a complaining thread for me, though I'm actually really enjoying the discussion.

I've been trying to take a break from my "looking" which is not so easy for me. But I've been getting better. Every so often I sort of "wake up" and realize just how much dam time I put into this and just how low the success rate is of actually meeting. If you were to look at the different apps and sites I use, the volume of guys who are "really interested" is significant. I'll look and get embarrassed for myself when I realize how much chat, time, and effort i put into literally finding a dick to suck.

[williamg]

Married discreet here. Only another married discreet could work. Like most here, wife is at home (works from home). Even if she's away, I live on a quiet cul-de-sac that all the neighbors know each other... Makes it the Unicorn of dating situations.

[Long Duck Dong]

In the past I have hosted when I lived in other places but I ran into a issue, had guys that thought that having a place to host, meant they could walk in anytime they wanted sexual relief. I finally said enough when I was on crutches cos of a leg injury and I could barely stand, and I had a guy get angry cos he wanted sex, so I was just making excuses.....

Where I currently live, I had a friend stay for a while, they asked if it was ok if they had people come in, I said yeah cool... then he had one regular that would walk in, with a hoodie over his head and face, not say hi or anything, close the front door and go into my friends room, which I regarded as disrespectful and so I was annoyed then the request that I do not have visitors in the house when he came around, really pissed me right off and he was told to fuck off.....

My house is like a drop in center, people call in for a coffee, to use the toliet, have a break etc, a chat and its also known as a safe house, where there is a spare room for certain people that want to have fun but have nowhere to host....but I am very clear on one thing, RESPECT, nobodies need for sex overrules peoples right to be respected.

[SuckerMC]

I am single and like many of the married guys here I can not host either. For the same reasons. Living with others and neighbors.

[Christopher South]

I've run into a wide range of situations. I've met married guys who host when their wives aren't home and talked to married guys who couldn't host but were willing to do car dates. Some of the married guys seemed not really concerned about neighbors (parked in front of their house or went right up to their apartment) and other insisted that I park around the corner or down the street from the house, or show up carrying a package or suitcase so it looks like I'm there on business.

If a guy hosts me at his place and is married, I'm super discreet. I won't knock at the door and yell "YOUR 5:00 BLOW JOB IS HERE!" and I'll make sure to take condoms and wrappers with me when I leave.

And I can never host either. Wife is home all day.

[NJwood]

I don’t host because my wife isn’t comfortable with it, security, neighbors, status in the community. People want to bring your sexuality into other aspects of your life. I don’t want to give them the opportunity.

[NjbiGuy01]

I don’t host because my wife isn’t comfortable with it, security, neighbors, status in the community. People want to bring your sexuality into other aspects of your life. I don’t want to give them the opportunity.

Agreed, other than the wife part.

[Joboo]

To many neighbors.

[Tnstr8sucker]

I guess im fortunate that we dont know our neighbors. At least not enough that they would call my wife and tell her there is some strange vehicle there with your husbands

[Mmpmm]

I won't host either. Not only is someone usually home, I don't easily trust people. My nightmare scenario is some guy showing up at my door unnannounced with a story for my wife.

I think that is every married guys nightmare! I don't even share my phone number for fear a guy might call or text and my wife will see the text or answer the phone.

[Dutch3]

Yep, my wife looks at my phone offen to use apps she doesn't want to deal with on her phone. I only comm through adam4adam or secondary email.

[Rod_7_5]

I have hosted, but can count the number of times on one hand. I work too far from home to host at lunch, and generally, if I’m home, so is someone else. Not to mention, my wife’s schedule gets her home in the early afternoon, as opposed to later. Those few times I have hosted have been when I’ve known in advance I’d be home and have the place to myself. Even then, I’ve only hosted guys that I’d established enough of a comfort level and rapport with to know that both his discretion and mine were important to both of us. As many or more times as I’ve hosted, I’ve planned to, but life interfered. For example, last week I had to take off work for a repair in the house that was scheduled for afternoon. So, a fwb who works nearby was going to come over for some lunchtime fun. But, wife ended up calling in sick and the repair guy showed up earlier than expected, right around the time we’d have been fooling around.

So for all intents and purposes, I can’t host.

[imariver]

I do host at home and that's the way I prefer it. Fuck the neighbors, what I do is my business and none of theirs!

[cleves]

I really can't host, but I would drive 15 minutes to suck a nice cock any day.