Have you noticed the lack of effort people put into meeting?

[Tnstr8sucker]

I guess it has to do with technology and such, but lately I've noticed more and more how little effort people are willing to put into meeting for play.

I remember years ago when I first started on the internet. When AFF was all there was. I would chat all the time and many many times meeting would involve one or both people having more than an hour drive. But we did it. It was exciting and worth a little drive for what you were going to experience. I still drive over an hour a couple times a month to service a regular I've had for years.

Now with hookup apps, I've noticed (mostly young people) that if they're not within a dam mile or practically walking distance, they think it's too far.

So many people I talk to want to meet, but literally a 15 minute drive is too much. That just seems nuts to me

Maybe guys are too easy?
Think about what a man has to do to get a bj from a woman. Driving, dates, dinners, entertainment, begging, lol. But seriously. Its true.

For a guy. Just meet up and pull your dick out.

No real point. Just an observation

[playful808]

It is true. Many are guys just lazy and spoiled. Especially those who like to be ‘serviced’.
Sex is easy to find in the m4m community and absurdly difficult in the m4w community.
The contrast is not particularly flattering to either gender.

[Coastocoast]

Since most have to get away from their wives and try not to get caught are you really that surprised ?? I am not.

[Neonaught]

I coined the term "Dominoe's Sex" for those types. They want it hot and delivered to their door in 30 minutes or it's free! LOL

[NjbiGuy01]

Sex is easy to find in the m4m community and absurdly difficult in the m4w community.

I have to disagree. It may actually be more difficult for MW or M/MW but MM proves a challenge as well. I would be open to a select woman if the right one came along, but I am primarily seeking a MF or MM couple or a M. I am on Adam, SD, AFF, Wifelovers and here. I run into many of the same people on various sites (sometimes even the same screen-name, and the same pictures). You would think MM sex would be a walk in the park, but it's not. I've met a few guys, but none were people I thought might become steady partners. One dude and I were getting it on orally, he wanted to top me. Went to get a condom and came back and said "get out, we're done"...no explanation..."and don't call me again" as I walked out the door....wtf ??

I've spoken (seemingly endlessly) to a few guys in my town. I live on one end of town and work on the other end of town. One dude was pretty-much right smack in the middle between work and home. Gay, lives alone, willing to host, but after a public meet. All-good, he said his apartment is off-limits until he meets the person first. Excellent ! NOW AFTER MONTHS of asking to meet for coffee and a beer (dispersed with some hot chats and cam meets) and we still have not met. I have his cell and we agreed to meet Monday night around 8 for coffee. He's not been online since, doesn't return calls, doesn't apparently answer calls, and I'm frustrated as hell. Talk about either lack of effort or jerking someone around...

The way people behave online can be abhorrent. One MF married couple wrote me" "We have kids, so scheduling can sometimes be a challenge". I tell them "no worries". I prefer to meet socially for a drink or coffee and then plan something if we feel it. One or two e-mails back and then I get radio silence...it's a regular thing....sometimes you get pics back, usually not. Simple questions like what town they are from, stats, experience, a pic (g-rated, edited, all good), and you suddenly hear nothing. What kind of person thinks this is okay ? At-least tell me you changed your mind or something...I even said "If you don't find me attractive or want to look for someone else, that's fine....still nothing.

One married/separated woman on AFF wanted to meet "now, as soon as possible" for sex at her place....supposedly lives alone, separated from her spouse and wanted a "steady discrete arrangement". Again honey, lets meet for coffee or a drink and take it from there. I don't know if her or her partner wanted to rob or beat me. I don't know if I'll get robbed (not a great town where she lives, Paterson NJ). I said to her "aren't YOU concerned about inviting a stranger to your house and not knowing me ? Nope, she wanted me to "come right over". A few years ago I might have been a bit crazier and considered it...no more...not in this world. She just stopped responding on AFF and e-mails....so weird.

I make it my business to try to meet people in public first, socially and with people around....it eliminates the awkwardness and increases the safety. Even if I get invited to someone's home, I tell people I have no expectations and won't be insulted if they decided they weren't into proceeding. I want zero pressure, zero awkwardness etc. I don't want to show up and discover someone's partner is not appealing, ugly, or just not my cup of tea. Lets get that out of the way before we worry about taking our clothes off..? Shall We ?

[KDaddy23]

Compared to dealing with women, men are easier to have sex with... if you can convince them to have sex. In the early days, it was so easy you might have found yourself turning down a lot of offers because you just didn't have time to accommodate them all (a 'problem' I had). Today, it's not that easy; guys have a lot of preferences, can't usually host, can't get away from home long enough to do anything and some guys wind up second-guessing themselves and backing out of a meet; some guys are so paranoid about getting "busted" it ain't funny, not that this isn't a real concern.

Pre-Internet you had to actually meet or run into someone who'd be interested. Post-Internet? There's so much access to so many men now that it's almost like familiarity is breeding contempt; as women love to say, dicks are a dime a dozen and when you have such a wide choice, there's no sense of urgency involved... except for those guys who want you to drop whatever you're doing and accommodate them at a moment's notice and if you can't - or won't - do their bidding, well, you're just a lame flake.

I get what NJbiGuy is saying: You don't know if you can trust people and if it sounds too good to be true, you might not want to jump in your car and rush into a potentially bad situation. Which is why the meeting before the fact is so important but I know I hear a lot of guys saying, "Less talking, more fucking!" which is a turn-off and deal breaker for other guys - who wants to go have sex with a guy who might be the asshole he sounds like when propositioning you? To that end, I guess guys like that never learned that you get more flies with honey than with vinegar? Instant gratification makes having meets problematic; everybody wants their balls emptied but they don't wanna do the work required - like let's meet and feel each other out first.

[bikurinpa]

Here in this area here in central Pa, no one has any real intentions of meeting, they all seem to get on to chat only when they are horny and then they are gone. This is a common game in this area here. Finding someone who IS serious and who does want to meet is almost impossible to find.

[Tnstr8sucker]

Its just weird to me. Ill drive over an hour for someone that's a good match, and not even think twice about it. But others wont drive a few mins. I see the same guys looking day after day or spending hours looking for "right now" trying to find someone closer.
And nobody can ever host. Which is strange. I used to work a door to door job and during the day, relatively few houses had anyone home. Yet according to every guy i talk to, they must have people that live with them and 24/7 never leave the house.

[KDaddy23]

Some guys are just about "the thrill of the hunt;" it sounds and feels amazing to think about getting with another guy and it gets taken up several notches to actually talk to a guy about having sex but when it's time to shit or get off the pot, well, hmm, let's not and say we did. This is some seriously scary shit for a lot of men and once you can understand how fear keeps a lot of guys from meeting, well, at least you know why. I often say that those of us who are experienced should never forget how scary this was for us our first time and that we should also remember what might make us not go through with a meet despite having the intentions of meeting.

Just putting some shit into perspective. We think and behave that if a guy is into the dick, he should never have reason to turn it down and the truth is, as always, very different. So a lot of guys who can't meet or are afraid to do the "next best thing" and go through the motions. Works for them, not so much for the guy who gets stood up... and some folks wonder why I miss the good old days?

[Tnstr8sucker]

I agree. People also have a shorter attention span now. I forget that I have a much higher than normal sex drive, so I'm pretty much always interested. Even if I jerk off. I may not be actively hunting, but if someone messaged me that I've been with before or had been wanting to meet, I'd try to take the opportunity.
I think people have different definitions of "regular thing"
I've always posted that I was looking for regulars. I sometimes dont realize that i have more regulars than i think i do. I'm thinking of a regular as at least weekly. But that's because I'm overcharged. There are married guys i service that only get urge for it once a month or a couple/few times a year.
Either way, even though it's a physical act being solicited, it would be nice if people still were considerate in their communications. Say no thanks. Instead of ghosting send a message "sorry. Was jerking when we were setting this up. Ended up cumming. Can I hit you up next time to try again?" That's all. Yea, sucks, but as another guy, I get it. I've done it before. But it's just easiest to sign out of your email and forget it. Then post again the next day and try all over again. Lol

[JayGrimm]

I have made hookups with both men & women (individually) online, and I find guys put less effort into it than gals. Are more flippant about it? Lazy? Do they change their mind before meeting? Do they become unsure of themselves or of what they planned on doing?

I had a long distance g/f 12-14 years ago. She was 6 hours away from me, but for over 2 years we made it work. And she did most of the traveling!

And yet I've had guys cancel out on me that only lived 15 mins away. Some were even no-shows without saying anything.

Recently I made an arrangement to meet a guy at a local restaurant. We exchanged phone numbers for texting purposes. I got to the location and texted him I was there. He replied "Me too". I texted back that I was out front of the restaurant, so he could find me. No reply. Texted him again several times and still no reply. I didnt think I was that bad looking, but apparently he didnt like what he saw and ditched out without another word. I could have retaliated and texted him something nasty, but what was the point? The hell with him.

Sometimes it can be a PITA. Fortunately I've had more good experiences than bad, so overall I wont complain. To me, its more about the friendships I've developed. Most people I have met up with (especially the women), I have stayed in contact with even if the sex isnt there anymore. One guy I was meeting up with had a serious life-threatening health issue lately. It might be that we dont do anything physical anymore due to it. But we have a lot of other things in common and I'm happy to still know him and continue to have him as a friend.

[by~his~side]

One guy I was meeting up with had a serious life-threatening health issue lately. It might be that we dont do anything physical anymore due to it. But we have a lot of other things in common and I'm happy to still know him and continue to have him as a friend.

Sorry that your friend had an issue. I wish him a speedy return to good health.
Im not at all glazing over the reason for the above highlighted quote.
But I wanted to say that I admire the way it's worked out.
Maybe not in everybody's story but in our story THAT is the ultimate!
A true friendship.
We are blessed to have that as well.
Happy for you.

Dee

[Tnstr8sucker]

It's not a heck of a lot better with a female involved. My wife and I play as a couple as well. In those situations we do like to meet G-rated first and such. Unless we plan to meet the same day we start chatting, it's guaranteed when the day comes we are supposed to meet they will either be a last-minute cancel or a no show. And that's after we take off work early, go home, shave, shower, pick up the kids, take them to a babysitter and are on our way.

[BottomCruiser]

I always give any top who wants to fuck me exactly what they want. All I really want is for an older man to not come at me like he's a God when really he's new to the NSA scene lol. This is why I appreciate adult theaters and bookstores. Its sooo much easier to score dick by cruising for it instead of being disappointed online.

[bikurinpa]

I always give any top who wants to fuck me exactly what they want. All I really want is for an older man to not come at me like he's a God when really he's new to the NSA scene lol. This is why I appreciate adult theaters and bookstores. Its sooo much easier to score dick by cruising for it instead of being disappointed online.

But the risk of HIV or stds at those places for that type of random sex is very high.

[nu2curious]

" Sex is easy to find in the m4m community and absurdly difficult in the m4w community. "

It is ? That might be in LA or San Francisco but pretty hard in rural Tennessee, I know because I live here.

[Tag200]

I agree with you make an effort. But also on the other hand many want me to be able to meet with no notice; I have a job , wife kids etc I need to plan it out

[chongster]

I chatted with a guy on line for a couple of weeks. A sissy boy who wanted Daddy to use him as a fuck toy. We set a time and a place to meet, about an hours drive for me. We talked about it for the next few days, some cyber sexy talk stuff. When the day came to meet he disappeared. Even took down his profile.

[csreef]

Endless PM's and emails, just to get them to meet you for a cup of coffee. . . Then you get an email stating: "I'm married, you are single, not what I'm looking for" ....

Or you contact someone not too far from you, asking to meet, and you never hear back from them . . .

[alljackdup65]

Most of them are what I call fantasy queers. lot of fantasy and talk but no intention of ever meeting up

[williamg]

Here's the deal for many if not most of us: We are married trying to set up a discreet play time. Myself, I look for another married discreet. Which means most time our schedules will conflict. Neither can usually host. I always tell the guy online my situation. I expect them to either understand or they should move on. I would never promise to meetup and then spring it on them that I can't because I'm married. And as others say - STD's. Going to an adult arcade for a quick fix I'm sure is exciting fun and easy. But there are consequences for this also. If you are single, you have less skin in the game. If you are married... Not so good. So if it comes off as flaky, they are not being truthful. Ask up front the situation they are in.

I think this is a great thread btw to discuss this very problem for the guys that are "ready for now".

[2holer]

I agree there count less time I have planned on meet a guy and my wife find something for me to do or she feels that Im off to suck some cock and she stops me . So ya I try to be up front about it and let my friend know that its hard to get away all the time. But it sure is fun when I do get away!

[wifekinky4husband]

I am still close with most of my college friends and we still talk about those times. Most of them have come full circle and are getting together again for the same old fun. I couldn't imagine trying to find people outside. It's been years since we did the whole going out scene but my friends and I could always go out about and find people we were mutually attracted to and get it on. Is that not the case these days?

[Darlo]

Some guys are just about "the thrill of the hunt;" it sounds and feels amazing to think about getting with another guy and it gets taken up several notches to actually talk to a guy about having sex but when it's time to shit or get off the pot, well, hmm, let's not and say we did. This is some seriously scary shit for a lot of men and once you can understand how fear keeps a lot of guys from meeting, well, at least you know why. I often say that those of us who are experienced should never forget how scary this was for us our first time and that we should also remember what might make us not go through with a meet despite having the intentions of meeting.

Just putting some shit into perspective. We think and behave that if a guy is into the dick, he should never have reason to turn it down and the truth is, as always, very different. So a lot of guys who can't meet or are afraid to do the "next best thing" and go through the motions. Works for them, not so much for the guy who gets stood up... and some folks wonder why I miss the good old days?

That is so me. I am ashamed to admit it. I've set up so many meetings to try sucking my first dick but backed out. The thought of sucking a dick for the first time and tasting another mans cum is both incredibly appealing and terrifying at the same time. My issue was I'd get so aroused before the meeting, I'd look at the dick pic of the guy I was going to meet and couldn't resist masturbating. Of course once I cum I no longer want to meet until my brain resets.

The next time I schedule a meet for my first cock I HAVE to make sure I don't jack-off before hand.

[fredward]

For me when I started out into CL hookups, I would often bail for a variety of reasons: I felt more guilty than usual, the meetup sounded sketchy, I was worried about being see, etc etc. If I was a noshow, I usually emailed the guy and apologized. Some were very understanding, some were mad (which they had a right to be). One guy sounded positively psycho about it, so maybe I made a good call there. But usually I would show up.

With time, I felt more and more confident, and stopped bailing at the last minute. The regrets went away, my judgement got better. Maybe that will happen to you too.

[bikurinpa]

For me when I started out into CL hookups, I would often bail for a variety of reasons: I felt more guilty than usual, the meetup sounded sketchy, I was worried about being see, etc etc. If I was a noshow, I usually emailed the guy and apologized. Some were very understanding, some were mad (which they had a right to be). One guy sounded positively psycho about it, so maybe I made a good call there. But usually I would show up.

With time, I felt more and more confident, and stopped bailing at the last minute. The regrets went away, my judgement got better. Maybe that will happen to you too.

That is one of the most common and annoying games people played, costing people the drive to meet for a no show!

[fredward]

That is one of the most common and annoying games people played, costing people the drive to meet for a no show!

I plead nolo contendere. However, it's a phase many of us go thru on our journey. Personally, I wouldn't be mad at a guy who fessed up that he lost his nerve or similar. I'd forgive him and try to be encouraging.

The one thing I find annoying, which has happened a couple of times to me, is when the guy gives you a fake address. You show up, and there is no such place, or an elderly woman answers the door. I guess some people get their thrills by being a jerk.

[CTmale50]

guys have become WAY too demanding and have high expectations. They want a list of everything you do sexually, how hung you are and want pics of your entire body. For us older guys, it's even more difficult to meet guys.. older guys seem to always want younger...and most guys of all ages want someone who's hung.. we can't change what we're born with, but for some reason, it's held against the ones who aren't hung enough. I guess for me I have reached a point in my life where sex isn't important. And the young gay men nowadays are not learning a dam thing about what to do with their sexual feelings. For some of us, we enjoy the connection we make with someone.. for some, they want a drive-thru service. But guys, young and old, have become very demanding and makes it impossible to meet their needs, much less meet them for anything worthwhile!

[George51]

That is one reason. The wife. And it is a problem.

[Fyrfytr]

guys have become WAY too demanding and have high expectations. They want a list of everything you do sexually, how hung you are and want pics of your entire body. For us older guys, it's even more difficult to meet guys.. older guys seem to always want younger...and most guys of all ages want someone who's hung.. we can't change what we're born with, but for some reason, it's held against the ones who aren't hung enough. I guess for me I have reached a point in my life where sex isn't important. And the young gay men nowadays are not learning a dam thing about what to do with their sexual feelings. For some of us, we enjoy the connection we make with someone.. for some, they want a drive-thru service. But guys, young and old, have become very demanding and makes it impossible to meet their needs, much less meet them for anything worthwhile!

Well said!