am so pissed of about dating!

[Franz007]

Hi all

I am really extremely sad...first of all i can find encounters without big problems in gay-bathrooms or gay-clubs. And ofthen I got a lot of compliments from them and ound me "good". But even if its good no one of them has any interest for staying in contact after the sexual act or only the ugliest and oldest ones of them. And i am quite good-looking. I am searching for my first "real" sexual relationship with a man, that means no one-night-stands but something like a sex-buddy. I live in Europe and am a member on planetromeo, the biggest gay-platteform.

I am regeistered there since 18 (!) years. I was not allways searching actively. Anyway, in those 18 years i could find...only 1 single guy (!) that i met in real life. All others didn't appear at the meeting place or suddenly disappeared from the site without saying anything or even worst blocked me without any reason (!). There are many men interested in me and they look sometimes extremely interested and cannot wait to see me. Many of them have their status on "Date" or "Sex now". But as soon as i suggest a meeting for now or the next few hours, they cannot and its always the same: "not today", "lets see tomorrow" etc. And the next day they never come back to me again. They have just disappeared. It's such a joke, seriously!

It makes me extremely sad about the handicaped behaviour of those guys in the way they are dating. Why do they have such problems with dating someone?

The situation may be different in the US but my own experiences here in Europe is more than disappointing.

Seriously, what i don't understand is that in the straight world it doesnt work like that at all. If i am interested in a girl, i will let her know and i will contact her, even after the sex again.

I am really quite desperate about finding a sex buddy. The way those guys search for relationships seems to be so poor and childisch, i really cannot understand these behaviour.

I don't know if others here made the same experience?

[Coastocoast]

Same here in the USA. A lot of married / attached guys looking to step out on the significant other on the down low, some single guys looking for a blow and go or booty call and that is about it. If you want risky sex it is everywhere, anything more and well.... they will get back to you soon. Good luck and be careful

[csreef]

I don't care who you date. . . It is all a numbers game, and NOBODY wants a commitment.

[Franz007]

Thanks for your answers. Talking about risky sex i will start the PREP today so at least i can significantly reduce risks in clubs or bathhouses in future. Lets see if i can find a regular one day. Am happy to see that i am not the only one with that problem.

[cbb83]

Men with commitment issues? Shocker.

[NjbiGuy01]

The line forms...well, everywhere !!

I'm on the DL. Married happily to a lady who knows I was bi before we married, doesn't know I still enjoy it every now and again on the side and discreetly.

It seems like more and more situations are guys like me, even gay-partnered guys who are stepping out on their partners. Between scheduling and discretion etc, it becomes a real pain to make things happen. I wasn't really interested in gay men, but on Adam there are a few locals that I've started speaking with. Since the odds are so slim of finding a good match, I decided a clean, discreet, safe gay guy could be okay. As long as they are clean and tested, we can have fun. I actually learned to enjoy MM kissing, which I never thought I would ! One guy is single, has his own home and is open to something steady. Another local guy just wants a bottom to suck him and to fuck when he's in the mood. Hopefully, either or both could become steady things. I hope.

On the other hand, I had a few other situations that were not as good. One widowed guy with a GF and his own place was all pumped up about us having a steady thing. Nice guy, semi-retired, decent looking, great cock. We met for a beer and planned things out, and now his GF has fucking moved in ! He's become basically "married" and can't pick his nose or go out without her knowing...I met another guy who (as it turned out) knew family members and mutual friends from the local pool and it made us both uncomfortable. He was a great guy in bed. We played a few times before we discovered the connection.

I met an awesome married couple in the next town over and we played for a summer and had an amazing time until she got cold feet. I opened my wallet to pay a check at dinner and she saw a picture of my wife. She asked to see it and she recognized her from school (they are in the town where my wife grew up), and once she "put a face to my wife" she couldn't do it anymore...She knew I was married, but she was a faceless entity until she wasn't anymore...Sad, we had an amazing time. He was bi (came out to her and I was his first), she was a hottie who squirted, we had some great times too .

It seems it's always a challenge...sigh. I take breaks but I keep trying...!

[Realist]

Franz, I'm a little disappointed in your sad experiences and inability to make a sensuous connection. I would think that the freedoms I discovered over there, would be even better, now! I spent two years in Germany, with a couple of side-trips to Austria and England, during my 'vacation' in Europe. (As a guest of the US Army) Being a native, you surely should have a better chance for success, than I did, back then!

I can't claim to have your physical attractions, or even your intelligence, but my time over there was delightfully successful, with gratifying adventures with both genders.

Your writing indicates that you're well-educated and have qualities that should be a magnet for those you have interest in! I can't propose to determine why you're not finding rewarding companionship, but surely there is a solution.

If I were you, I'd review my present efforts to find the type of experiences you want, then maybe modify my approach.

Good luck to you and I hope there's successes in your future.

[Franz007]

Hi Realist, thanks for sharing your experiences and for the kind words. Actually i met 2 guys (from another dating plateform) for a date in a coffee-shop and they were nice guys and not bad looking. But they were searching for a love-relation. And i could feel that it wasnt for me and my attraction droped completely during the small talk. For me its important that the guy sends signals that he is interested sexually in me and not just talking about job etc. In those moments my attraction for men reached zero and i was checking the sexy girls around...

You are right that perhaps i could adapt my approach. Let‘s see. At least i just had a phone with a bi-guy that seems to look for the same. We will meet tomorrow at my place. I will see if we connect. On the phone he sounded a bit boring and not very communicative and direct resp. not really knowing what he wants. And since i am only the passive part i am searching for a guy who shows some kind of sexuall agressivness...on his profile he is the active part. If he‘s just a nice guy, i will block. But lets see tomorrow. I hope he will appear on time...

[KDaddy23]

I'm not surprised at how wide-spread this dating thing has become; you use an app or a website looking for a date with the hope of establishing a connection and 9 out of 10 times, you run into guys who want to hit it and get ghost... and maybe you'll never hear from them again unless they think you're an easy lay. One impression I got from the apps is that some guys think that if you're there, you're not only looking for just sex, you're "desperate" for it and enough to make you an easy target.

What gets me is that, in one way, it's just guys being guys in that sense; give up the booty/dick and that's all and getting into something more "serious" isn't a consideration, given how many men are on the DL and/or creeping around on a partner - or maybe has permission to get some on the side - but a relationship is just out of the question. Guys who flake are a different kettle of fish, I think; some guys get off on the thrill of the hunt, convince a guy to meet with them and just don't show up and also vanish into thin air. There's not much one can do about it except not to give up their hope to find someone they can be with; the bad news is that you'll have to wade through a lot of dumb shit to find that special person.

[Coastocoast]

Just not into the whole cooties thing and HIV is not the only bad bug. Be careful

[Realist]

Your interests were clear to me, Franz...so, you don't have a communication issue....it's just that others just have a "Not-listening" problem! Looks like you're in the process of finding someone, already! I hope all parties meet their goals!

I've long been aware that each of us are different and, if we're advertising for a lover, FWB, or a cum and run, being specific about what one wants, is important.

Personally, I've always been more focused on relationships and getting to know a person well, before intimacy. In the beginning, not making myself clear, caused some confusion with potential partners.

After learning to be a better communicator, I became more clear, about my interests and avoided some of the pitfalls. However, there will always be those who don't read the fine print, misconstrue intentions, or expect something different than is intended.

Still, as others above have mentioned, there are still those who are teasers, players, and also the guilt-ridden posers. I assume we will always be plagued with them!

[CTmale50]

sad but true..which is the reason I won't have hookups. I want a connection.

[Coastocoast]

Everyone seems to be in the two orgasms is a long term relationship mode. Not a person in So Calif looking for more than blow and go and there are MANY people from here.

[nu2curious]

I can relate to issues expressed here. It's incredibly hard to find a nice fellow interested in being friends first, building trust before going straight to blow/go routine. Highly risky and something I won't do.

Having a long term friend I know well with trust in the equation would make getting together for play a sensual and enjoyable experience. Sucking a guy's cock with confidence that he's clean is the way it should be. Under those conditions I'd love it but I don't play roulette with my life or anyone else's.

[Franz007]

Your interests were clear to me, Franz...so, you don't have a communication issue....it's just that others just have a "Not-listening" problem! Looks like you're in the process of finding someone, already! I hope all parties meet their goals!

I've long been aware that each of us are different and, if we're advertising for a lover, FWB, or a cum and run, being specific about what one wants, is important.

Personally, I've always been more focused on relationships and getting to know a person well, before intimacy. In the beginning, not making myself clear, caused some confusion with potential partners.

After learning to be a better communicator, I became more clear, about my interests and avoided some of the pitfalls. However, there will always be those who don't read the fine print, misconstrue intentions, or expect something different than is intended.

Still, as others above have mentioned, there are still those who are teasers, players, and also the guilt-ridden posers. I assume we will always be plagued with them!

Thanks very much!

[Franz007]

Thanks again guys for your contribution.

Well, so i met this 55 years old guy today. We had sex and it was not unpleasant but i didn't feel attracted to him at all. In fact i found him quite ugly. And he was too passive and shy, not showing a dominant part that could have attracted me. And i did not like his smell and he didn't kiss on an erotic way but like a beast salivating into my mouth. A bit disgusting. But when i am horny i accept even such things. After the sex we talked a bit and he is very interested in me and wants to meet me again. But i wont and tried to explain it to him. I must admit that i had to force myself for having sex with him but i wanted to do it for knowing how i would feel after. And because i was quite horny after all these missed dates. Him fucking me doggystyle (with a condom) turned me on because i could concentrate very well on the feeling alone. And his cock is quite huge but he prepared me well. I came quite strongly at the end, although he didnt came himself.

Well, that was it One experience more.

I still receive quite a lot of messages on planetromeo but they are very sexual from the beginning. And i know that it can be very unproductive to talk too much about sexual details and fanatsies before we met as persons because it stays at fantasies and then we never meet.

But some of the messages turned me quite on because 2 or 3 guys would like to have Sex with me as a crossdresser ( i had a picture of me showing my ass with a feminine denim. shorts and i must admit that i look very feminine in it, although not having any othe feminine stuff). And i must admit that it's one of my strongest fantasies: being transformed into a sexy woman

On friday i will go for a bicycle-tour with an women i had an affair during a few months 4 years ago. And she is single again. So its not impossible that i will switch to women again in the next weeks, since i would also be happy to have Sex with a woman after 11 months without anything. Thats the difficulty i always experienced as a bisexual: keeping a strong line and staying on one side only for a while. But i guess you will know what i mean....

[yeahso]

Most men, regardless of whether they are committed or not, are just looking for sex. You meet guys in clubs, etc. those guys are definitely into one night stands only. Dating sites are pretty much the same. Don't go onto a hookup site expecting a relationship beyond one and done. Go on a standard dating site, there are guys looking for a relationship, but be specific that you are looking only for a regular sexual relationship. Guys might turn you down, but at least you know before you get into something emotionally messy.

[dowmass]

I feel unhappy but with a difference. I am married, Bi and on the DL. I have been married for 25 years, but after a long time, the BI-GIRL in me has come out alive. Just in case you are wondering, I have an unfulfilled urge to be a WOMAN for another man. In doing so, what I am looking for is something beyond raw sex. I may not be passable, but I want to wear a pair of stockings, and maybe a crotchless panties, and seduce my man. During that time I want to kiss him, lick his balls and suck his dick- all wearing my stockings. I do not know if this is right or wrong thinking, but that is what I want. In a way I want to date this person who will be mine during my dating period. I want him to use me like he would treat his girlfriend.

I don't know if being married with a dick and feeling like a woman wanting to be loved, lusted after and fucked by a guy is OK , but I won't hide my fantasy from people here. And that has not happened yet..... that to me is the sad part.

Hi all

I am really extremely sad...first of all i can find encounters without big problems in gay-bathrooms or gay-clubs. And ofthen I got a lot of compliments from them and ound me "good". But even if its good no one of them has any interest for staying in contact after the sexual act or only the ugliest and oldest ones of them. And i am quite good-looking. I am searching for my first "real" sexual relationship with a man, that means no one-night-stands but something like a sex-buddy. I live in Europe and am a member on planetromeo, the biggest gay-platteform.

I am regeistered there since 18 (!) years. I was not allways searching actively. Anyway, in those 18 years i could find...only 1 single guy (!) that i met in real life. All others didn't appear at the meeting place or suddenly disappeared from the site without saying anything or even worst blocked me without any reason (!). There are many men interested in me and they look sometimes extremely interested and cannot wait to see me. Many of them have their status on "Date" or "Sex now". But as soon as i suggest a meeting for now or the next few hours, they cannot and its always the same: "not today", "lets see tomorrow" etc. And the next day they never come back to me again. They have just disappeared. It's such a joke, seriously!

It makes me extremely sad about the handicaped behaviour of those guys in the way they are dating. Why do they have such problems with dating someone?

The situation may be different in the US but my own experiences here in Europe is more than disappointing.

Seriously, what i don't understand is that in the straight world it doesnt work like that at all. If i am interested in a girl, i will let her know and i will contact her, even after the sex again.

I am really quite desperate about finding a sex buddy. The way those guys search for relationships seems to be so poor and childisch, i really cannot understand these behaviour.

I don't know if others here made the same experience?

[SilkyHoseLover]

I am married, Bi and on the DL. I have been married for 25 years, but after a long time, the BI-GIRL in me has come out alive. Just in case you are wondering, I have an unfulfilled urge to be a WOMAN for another man. In doing so, what I am looking for is something beyond raw sex. I may not be passable, but I want to wear a pair of stockings, and maybe a crotchless panties, and seduce my man. During that time I want to kiss him, lick his balls and suck his dick- all wearing my stockings.

You'll find a wide variety of desires and interests here on the site, including the ones you've expressed. I happen to enjoy all the activities that you mentioned, and there are others who also chime in on the subject from time to time. For the most part, bisexual.com users are tolerant and non-judgmental, and show respect for those whose interests differ from theirs.

I do not know if this is right or wrong thinking, but that is what I want. In a way I want to date this person who will be mine during my dating period. I want him to use me like he would treat his girlfriend.

IMO, there is no right or wrong about it. Yes, religious dogma and intolerance from others can be a problem. But thinking is personal -- there's no requirement that you share these thoughts with those who would 'disapprove' or not understand. You like what you like, and probably couldn't change it if you wanted to. Trying to change would likely increase your unhappiness. Accept yourself!

I seek a situation similar to what you've described, but with a more limited scope. As a married man (who has my wife's consent to play, occasionally) I don't use terms like 'dating' or 'relationship', or anything that suggests exclusivity. To me, those are negotiable issues for singles. I can enjoy a friendship that's primarily based upon sexual contact with another man, but I don't consider it a relationship in the traditional sense. I'm not looking for a new best friend, but I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with him in both sexual and non-sexual contexts.

Yes, it would be nice to find someone with whom we could be assured that they weren't enjoying the pleasures of multiple partners, but I wouldn't expect it. The fact is, if you're a married man on the DL, most of the men you meet up with will be, too. And that's, in a word, cheating. If a man cheats on his wife, whom he ostensibly loves, it's not likely he's going to be 'faithful' to you.

I don't know if being married with a dick and feeling like a woman wanting to be loved, lusted after and fucked by a guy is OK , but I won't hide my fantasy from people here. And that has not happened yet..... that to me is the sad part.

It's OK. If you're a decent, respectful person, you will be still be a decent, respectful person after you have slid into those stockings, sucked a dick and enjoyed the feeling of one where no man has gone before!

[Franz007]

Thanks again guys for your contribution. Yes its very hard to find what would suit to us the best...