Polyamoury; my experiences, since I returned to Flroida, in 2008, and before.....

[Realist]

Another member, after looking at my profile, asked me to start a thread regarding polyamorous relationships. These are my experiences; They are in no way a recommendation, or advice on how to initiate, or conduct a poly relationship...… this is just my own experience:


I met my GF, here, in 2008. We gravitated to each other, through some things we'd written and posted in the Forum. Somehow, regardless of our vast age differences, she and I quickly became very close.

I had recently been divorced and she also was having a trying time with a husband, who could not, would not, accept that she was bisexual. They had separated a few years before she and I met...they, more-or-less, had gone their own separate ways. But, because they had two children, he remained close to the kids.

She wasn't specifically looking for a female partner, on this site, but someone who understood her desires and could share an interest in mixed-gender experiences.

With her husband's full knowledge, she and I began seeing each other and the sexual energy between us exploded! Before long, we discovered we were the two most-compatible people on this earth and had fallen in love! Our compatibility had proven her theory that a bisexual man would be her best choice of lovers; experiences with straight men had all failed. Her only really rewarding relationship had been with a female she'd had an affair with.

At the time, I hadn't found a guy I was interested in, but she encouraged me to keep looking. She said she might want to join us, or not. She wanted me to leave that decision up to her, if I found a male partner. She enjoyed thinking of the possibilities, employing either another woman, or guy, and we often used that theme in our foreplay.

About that time, I ran into a gay college professor, who I'd met, along with his partner, years before. They'd broken up and he hadn't been with another guy in several years. He seemed OK with my being bi and, since we were both free to do as we wished, I began dating him.

My GF was delighted that I had found a male lover, after over 15 years, but she didn't feel comfortable with my new BF's gayness. He definitely did not want her to join us!

We talked of her finding a female lover, but her life was already complicated by her lack of spare time with a hectic job, a family with health issues and Children. She wasn't out to her children or parents, who she felt shouldn't be made aware of her propensity for female companionship.

So, she seemed to feed off of our relationship, my willingness to share her saprobic dreams with her, and knowing I was involved with the Professor. She demanded a full disclosure of my activities with him, which delighted her and generated a passion in her that I'd rarely experienced! Already very passionate and extremely sexually needy, her ardor became magnified by details of my relationship with the male lover!

Soon, however, the ugly head of Jealousy rose up and my male partner became increasingly agitated at the time I was spending with my GF. I cared about him, but loved her deeply, so he and I had to part ways.

I ventured into another relationship with a gay fellow, who I also met here. I should have known better, because even though he knew I was dedicated to my GF, he attempted to come between us.

She never did feel as good about that relationship and, when he also became jealous and wanted me to leave her, I shut that relationship down, too. I decided I would concentrate on my GF...that was enough for me.

However, she felt that something was missing in my life and urged me to keep looking for a male partner..... but, this time she thought anyone I met should be bisexual.

Remarkably, two years ago, I met and became friends with a medical professional, who revealed his attractions to older men. He's married to a lady, who knows of his desires and allows him to explore, as long as his relationship doesn't affect the family, or his job.

My GF is delighted and he is OK with her, too. Neither of them have indicated they are interested in us all being together, but no one's jealous! Our not sharing is probably a good thing, because at 78, the two of them, together, would probably kill me!

I've been involved in two previous poly relationships; both were with married couples. But I was in my 20s, then, and much better prepared to handle the physical, sexual and emotional energy!

I've discovered that Jealousy is one thing that a polyamorous relationship cannot survive. My first attempt ended because the husband, who initiated my involvement with them, could not handle his wife joining us. He wanted to be the only one with me, which she refused. She felt the need to be involved with us both, so he ended it, when she insisted.

The 2nd one was idyllic. When three people can get along and care about each other, like we did, it can be a blissful, rewarding, connection. That one lasted 13 months, before transfers ended the relationship. I still think that may have been one of my most rewarding relationships, ever!

I've often wondered if we'd hadn't been in the military, if we'd still be together?

[KDaddy23]

Jealousy and a few other negative emotions, will kill poly relationships. I lived a poly life with three other women for over 20 years and one of the things I had to continually combat was those negative emotions; it was hard to get them to understand that all of what we were doing was about us and not just any one of us, whether we were interacting one-on-one or together. The biggest problem is trying to have a poly relationship and using the rules of monogamy... and that's just not ever going to work; it doesn't help that we never really learn how to have a relationship with more than one person.

Great post - thanks for sharing it with us!

[csreef]

I was involved with a woman who was Polyamorus. She had her FWB's and I and a male Fwb. She was very OK with the fact that I was Bi, and had a male FWB. We had good communication, and honesty with with each other. We never discussed our various meetings with our FWB's. We broke the relationship off for other reasons.

My next GF was also Poly, and would go into great detail about her other lover. I got sick of hearing about it. And I left

Am I still Ploy,? to a degree .

[playful808]

My lovely wife and I play with a few friends. We met at a Polyamory Discussion group 20 years ago. We have never been monogamous, and never had issues with jealousy, insecurity, drama. We tend to keep our FWBs for a long time. Some become like family.

[querty]

An excellent thread, thanks for it Realist. My experience with the Green Monster Follows

Im not sure if my wife and I qualify as Poly. We have been in the Swing Lifestyle for over 10 years now, though our situation and approach is different than the "norm". She is completely straight, I (the guy half) am Bi, the reverse of what appears to be typical for swing couples (I'll leave the topic of the under cover Bi guys in the LS for another thread.). More so, we play mostly separately, she has her lovers, and I mine. For the most part we have each met the others lovers, but only on a few occasions played as a group (omg, some of the MFM fun I have had,,,,,,,,). We also routinely will spend the night with our lovers, not coming home till the next day. A few of them we have known for years now.

Not since very early on were there any Jealousy issues, mostly from me. Some ground rules and our picking of more appropriate partners resolved that completely.

I developed a relationship with a Bi couple. It was with this couple that I finally was able to freely and comfortably explore all facets of my Bisexuality. We became good friends, spending lots of time together outside of the bedroom. After a couple of years, the wife of the couple grew jealous of my wife, and of other women I paid attention to. At first I didn't realize it, then I saw it but didn't recognize it for what it was, then thought I could manage it.

It got worse quickly and came to a head with the wife of the couple making crazy accusations against my wife, and slamming the door on our friendship/relationship. Texted me one day, "Need to talk", met me in a parking lot, accused my wife of a bunch of bullshit, "we're done", and drove away. I was flabbergasted. The ensuing drama continues even to this day as we see them out all the time as we frequent the same clubs and restaurants. Oh, and he sits within eyesight of me at work.

So, that is my story. Jealousy is a poison like no other.

[csreef]

Once I met a woman who was very active in the local Poly Community. She had a web of Interconnected lovers. I told her about my experience with the Green Eyed Monster...Her reply was sometimes Polyamory just doesn't work for some people.

[Realist]

Yep, Jealousy has driven some to do things you'd never suspect!

My 1st attempt at a poly relationship, was initiated by a friend, I was in the Army with. (I was in both the Army, then later, in the Air Force) He'd been interested in polyamory, since he and his wife began reading about it. She didn't understand his desire to try it, but was up for about anything. Then, they introduced me to the concept....which I'd never heard of.

His plans were for the two of us to be partners, but his wife would be only relegated to watching.

I was very attracted to them both and asked why she couldn't join us, if she wanted to? He decided, on his own, that she would not want to do more than watch us...which she admitted suited her.

At first, she thought that would be cool, but watching us got her so aroused, she began to ask to join us. He resisted, but with both his wife and me against him, he reneged, allowing her to join in.

For me, I felt that might be the recipe for an ideal situation; no one would be left out and we all could explore equally. However, I could tell he was just tolerating her interactions with me.

Really, she seemed to be just as happy with me, as him. But, in his mind, she seemed to be enjoying being with me, more!

I could tell his attitude toward me was souring and I tried to discuss with him his feelings, but he was not one to articulate his true emotions to anyone. He really only wanted to be with me and not share me with his wife. He had no qualms about her watching us, though.

After a few more tries, with just him and me, I could see he was happiest, then. Then, his wife joined us one last time; I was thinking we'd gotten over the hurtle and was very pleased with the outcome. I thought that night was the best of the times we'd seen together!

Afterwards, however, he was moody at work and there were heated arguments at home. At her request, in an effort to save their marriage, she encouraged him to tell me it would be best if we parted ways.

Soon after that, his enlistment was up and they went back to Indiana and home. But, by then, my appetite was whetted and I wanted to search for another polyamorous relationship.

Remarkably, friends of theirs and mine, had known about our experiment and decided to ask me to come talk to them about the lessons I learned. They liked the concept.

That time, we took things more slowly, agreeing on certain rules and safe words, in the process. With rules and more thoughtful considerations in place, a much more successful attempt was initiated. That was to become one of the most rewarding and loving relationships, of any type, that I ever attempted! We were together, blissfully, for a little over 13 months. Then, sadly, they got orders to transfer to 29 Palms, California, while I was still stuck at Ft Knox. We wrote back and forth, some, but we soon all moved on with our lives.

A few years later, when I was in the Air Force, I lived with two magnificent bisexual women, for about 2 years. That seemed like paradise to me..... at first! But, even though it's a huge fantasy to have two women, together...…. the reality is, it would take a Superman to keep two virile women satisfied 24/7! If they hadn't already been lovers and took a lot of pressure off me, they probably would have killed me, long before two years were up!

My present relationship is different, but would probably still be considered polyamorous. My GF and BF do not interact, sexually, with each other, but they are equally OK with my involvement with each. Both live some distance away and are still working. They lead busy lives and, even if they wanted us to all be together, coordinating their time would be difficult at best.

I would definitely be up for that, thought!