Maybe I suffer from confirmation bias. But lately it seems that a large majority of bi men both here and on other forums only wants to be in relationships with women and only want to marry women. But on the other hand, they like having sex with men more.
I was wondering if there's a specific reason to this? Like comphet or something else like that?
It seems lots of married men who are bi and into little fun with other guys that's probably all natural
It's what you're supposed to do: Find a girl, fall in love, marry her, have kids, all that stuff. You aren't ever supposed to be in love with more than one person, it's bad form to be in a relationship with more than one person (definitely if you're already married) and a lot of guys abide by this... but it doesn't mean you can't have sex with men "just because" and more so if it's not a "real" relationship but, sure, a real one could develop and since you're already married - and committed adultery on the DL - keeping it under wraps or otherwise disguising it is warranted. It's the thing that makes the haters think that bisexuals have a straight privilege since, if you have 10 bisexual men, 9 of them are either married or in a relationship with a woman... but there's really nothing unusual about this. Some guys learn that being in a committed relationship with another guy is what works for them and the truth is you can be in a relationship - and even marry - pretty much anyone you want to.
Here's what I've noticed over the decades: Guys today are more relationship-minded than they were in the past. Doesn't mean a guy is gonna go looking for a male husband/wife but at the very least, they want that FWB they can engage with on as regular a basis as possible. Back in the day, casual sex between men - and regardless to their relationship status - was just the way it was done and anything that looked like a "real relationship" was considered to be too gay and to be avoided but, sure - if you hooked up with a guy and things went very well, hey - let's do this again and more often... but we're not gonna be boyfriends or anything like that. That was then... and this is now. Many guys believe that the only meaningful sex is relationship sex... and that's because it's what we've been taught and it's what we know and if we don't do anything else, we will always tend to do what we know. Toss the disease card onto the pile and being more relationship-minded with another guy - even if you're already married to a woman - well, that makes sense as long as few people find out about it as one can manage. Casual sex is to be avoided because of the risks but it's also to be avoided because one can wind up outing themselves and usually because they wind up doing things that is "out of the ordinary" for them, like guys who aren't known to hang out with the fellas is not only hanging out with the fellas, it's not with the same fellas so much. So being able to establish a FWB kind of thing works for most because no one is going to think it's all that unusual that "Greg" and "Steve" are hanging out with each other from time to time.
Still, marrying women and guys being "for sex only?" Nothing weird about that, not from what I've learned. Women marry men and women being "for sex only" happens as well but, as mentioned, more in a FWB mode of things more than NSA/casual. It's "safer" and usually doesn't draw any unwanted attention. Liking sex with men more than the woman they're with? Nothing unusual about that either and more so when a lot of guys are able to express themselves in ways they can't with women. The biggest thing, I think, isn't so much a thing of keeping up appearances than it is we - society as a whole - hasn't gotten to the point where any bisexual can be openly bisexual and in the sense that, for men, being in a relationship with both a woman and man and partaking of all the perks is gonna be considered normal but that doesn't mean that there aren't couples who are writing their own rules about this but that, too, is pretty much in its infancy but growing.
It's not only what we're supposed to do as men - but we do like women! We like being around them, married to them (until that stops being fun) having sex with them, etc., but, yeah, we like having sex with men - nothing to see here, right? And all a lot of us want and need from other men is sex - and now it's just a matter of how a guy goes about doing that and what conditions he puts in place for getting some dick/ass. If you're married to a woman, it's just "easier" to stay married to her or, as they say, "It's cheaper to keep her!" But getting some dick/ass? If you can - and without overly complicating your life trying to deal with two relationships at the same time, well, why not?
That way they look straight to the outside world whilst their secret desires can stay hidden. There is still a lot of stigma around being bisexual or gay and many are simply not ready to face it, myself included. I don't think it's comfort per-say, some will be more attracted to women and men just provide something different and for those who prefer men, live an outwardly straight life, normality. We live in a world where anything that's outside the realm of normality is ostracized, abused, made fun of etc. Just this morning I read an article regarding gay/bisexual men and blood donation in NZ. MSM have to abstain for 12 months before they can donate blood here, yet a man, who lies about it, claims he is straight (but isn't) can donate straight away. Personally I think there's a hell of a lot more men and women in the bisexual boat than world cares to admit and it would take something monumental to happen for those in this boat to let others know.
Originally Posted by GayGuy04
It's not that they "look straight" - they are straight... and not so much and how "not-straight" a guy is depends on him. If you saw me and my wife out together, most people would assume that I'm straight and I am... and not so much. I don't have a problem with sex with other guys but I still love women but, okay, I'm bisexual. Been in a relationship with a guy... while still being married to my first wife and it was amazing and all that. I don't understand why some people are thinking that if you're bisexual, you have to have some kind of same-sex relationship in order to validate being bisexual; if that's what you wanna do, then that's what you do. Being married to a woman (or otherwise hooked up with one) does not ever change the fact that you're bisexual and have sex with men when you can - and if you can. It's not acting straight because we're the thing most people can't get head around: We are both straight and gay; we're just not either thing exclusively. And how we go about having sex is just the way we go about it. A lot of guys find that sex with other men is da shit; exciting, heady, liberating and even "nasty" in a delicious way. We suck cock and fuck each other and the fact that it's forbidden for us to do these things makes doing them even more exciting and fulfilling.
And some of us can still lay the pipe to a wife, girlfriend, or that hot chick we ran into who is down to get down - still nothing unusual or even abnormal going on here. A lot of bi guys are in sexless relationships so it kinda makes sense that sex with men is the cat's pajamas for them... doesn't mean they don't love their wife or that they don't have a reason to still be with them. And GayGuy is right: A ton of men married to women aren't opposed to having fun with other guys because it does feel right and natural for them... because it is.
It makes sense that a lot of married men don't want the whole world to know that they like dick/ass and not "just pussy" because the world at large still can't handle the truth of what it means to be bisexual. Donating blood; makes sense that they're gonna be serious about who can donate and when since it's well known that HIV/AIDS can be transmitted in that fashion. A guy could lie about his sexuality but blood banks will still test donated blood for HIV/AIDS and if they find it, they discard it. Our blood bank where I live wouldn't let me donate blood for a while... because I have tattoos. It is what it is but I wouldn't say that this is part of the stigma - it's just common sense to be as careful with the blood supply as humanly possible; they wouldn't let someone with leukemia donate blood, right?
Now... is this a big deal kind of thing? I don't think it is because bi guys are going to be bi and in any way they can, whether they're single or married. I still don't find anything unusual about bi guys being married to women and having tons of fun with dick/ass even on the side - it's just the way it's always been. Maybe one day it'll change... but it's not today. I know two gay guys who both have gay partners but throw it down with women and they're open about it... and they catch hell for it because everyone knows that gay men hate women and pussy - and they'll tell you that they're not bisexual. Doesn't mean shit - they are what they are for the reasons why they are and being in a relationship has no real bearing on anything but, again, there's been a huge push to make being in a relationship the focal point of being bisexual and any dude with a woman who is bi is now being looked at in a funny way and are being asked why they're not in a relationship with a guy.
Because they don't want to be. Or they can't. And when it comes to male bisexuality, everyone always pays more attention to the gay side of things than they do the straight side - they just forget that bisexuals can and do go both ways. How hard is that to remember or to understand? Apparently, it's difficult but all it tells me is that there are a lot of people who still have no clue to what being bisexual is and what it means as well as bisexuality being a thing that an individual decides on how to go about being bisexual; be married to a woman and for whatever reason that makes sense to them and get all the dick/ass on the side that they can manage. It's the way it's been for as long as I can remember and as y'all know, I've been around for a good while.
Otherwise, nothing to see here; move along, move along. I don't act straight... because I am straight... and not so much. Very married to a woman I love and lay the pipe to happily because I can and love doing it... and I will go suck a dick, too, and have just as much fun doing that. What does it mean? Nothing... other than I'm bisexual.
Duh.
Like you said KDaddy if I noticed a couple of a Man/Woman I wouldn't think of oh the husbands gotta be bisexual. But you never would know or could tell either unless the husband is checking you (another guy) while hes with his wife.
And if you really wanted to know, um, go ask them about their sexuality. Their relationship doesn't define their sexuality or their need for sex... we just somehow believe it does and it should. Bi guy married to a woman and he's got a major craving for dick - nothing unusual about that at all. Not even some kind of indictment against the woman he's married to. What it does mean, at least to me, that he's bisexual and unless you wanna know the details of why he's married to a woman and playing with all the dick he can get, go ask the guy - then accept that his answer is the fact of the matter as he's come to understand it. I love my wife. Love having sex with her. Will, again, suck a dick and not think twice about it and more so since she doesn't have a problem with me sucking dick and even more so when that has nothing to do with my feelings for her. And I'm not the only bi married guy who thinks and feels this way.
Nothing strange going on at all. Just the way shit has always been when finding yourself in the worst situation ever - to be bisexual and married.
It's great that your wife is okay with you having sex with men
I'm happily married. But I want the cock play experience. Not in a romantic or loving way. No commitments just fun. You know how some guys like to go out and play a sport? I think a play session with another guy like myself is just that (not to the wife though). That said... When I was single, I only dated women. But as I got older, my views swung wide open.
well... there is this aspect, females can have kids, males can not... and a female can be the mother, housekeeper, parent, bed warmer so shes dealing with the kids and the house while the male is getting his cock sucked..... very crude way of looking at it, I know.... but most guys tend to say that they just want the sex with a guy cos they are not attracted to guys emotionally, just sexually.....
being in a closed group with a male, two females and my intersex female partner, means that we have a lot of discussions that are open and generally without opinionated bias... now one female is a mother, the other is not, and they have met males that have the attitude in my previous statement, they have also met males that are very open minded and willing to compromise with kids and helping bring them up.....and as both females are bisexual, they have encountered guys that want to have the M/M sex but when it comes to the females, the guys want to be involved cos F/F or F/M with another guy other than their SO, is not a option...... but one thing stands out for them both, the expectation that the woman WILL have children because thats what women do.....
in their experiences, very few females that marry another female, are both bisexual and open to f/m sex, often its two lesbians or one lesbian, one bi and the bi female tends not to have sex with males, not because they do not enjoy sex with males but because of male attitudes towards sex.... one of the ladies was in a short relationship with a lesbian that had no problem with the bi female having sex with males but what ended the relationship was the pressure from males to have a 3some with the lesbian and the bi female.....
so yeah, its still hard to say, without generalising but personally, for me, going on what I see around me, is majority of males that are bi want a family and somebody to love ( the female ) and only have a sexual interest in males, nothing more..... and a minority are open to relationships with both or prefer a male partner and casual sex with females.....
The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands
You may be comparing apples and oranges.
I want something different from a relationship/marriage than I do from a hookup.
Hookups with men are famously simple, quick, easy, fun.
But for a relationship / marriage - I have pretty high standards for things like
kindness, affection, honesty, communication, emotional intelligence, mental stability, etc.
Most bi guys I meet just do not measure up.
They are not as interested in a long-term, stable connection.
Last edited by playful808; Jun 8, 2020 at 3:31 PM.
Some bisexual men on our forum bisexual.com told they should marry man or marry woman. But they agree have sex between men. No reason.
There is no pattern as much as people want there to be one. Sexuality is fluid and the less comfortable you are with where you are, the more you want an explanation. I have never needed to know why I like one sport over another or one food over another. It is what it is and I do what I want to do. Do you question why you drive one car versus another or just accept it as an immediate preference? I spend less time wondering and more time doing. Acceptance is overrated.
Last edited by chtampa; Aug 16, 2020 at 10:15 AM.
See, the people who say, "If you're not in a same-sex relationship, you're not really bisexual" threw this crap on the table to diss bisexuality and to infer that anyone who enjoys same-sex sex has to be really gay. The problem, such as it is, isn't that people say this - it's that a lot of bisexuals believe it and think that a bi guy who's married to a woman is doing shit the wrong way. I plead with all bisexuals not to buy into this nonsense. It's not straight privilege as they claim; bisexuals aren't "really gay" and your relationship status has nothing to do with your sexuality; if people look at you and assume that you're straight, that's on them but it makes a kind of sense given how a lot of the world is still stuck in that "black and white" frame of thinking or, if you're not straight, you're gay and "everyone" knows that gay men don't have much truck with women... and that's a lie, too.
And the whole thing gets... confused because most of the world continues to believe that the only right sex is relationship sex... biggest lie ever and on top of a lot of even bigger lies. You know what you are even if no one else does and you do not have to run out and tell everyone that you're bisexual if it doesn't suit your purposes in life to do so. Men marrying women? Happens every day. Men marrying women... but throwing it down with guys? Happens every day and has been since way before I was born. There is no disconnect going on here and what a lot of people, to me, fail to understand is that bisexuality doesn't easily conform to that which we consider to be normal. Not only does it take what we believe about sex and throw it out the window, it's also the reason why bisexuality and monogamy is like mixing oil with water. So if nothing else, bisexuals - both male and female - have to make the best out of a seriously fucked up situation and being subjected to what others think is the "right" way to be instead of getting their heads out of their asses and seeing - as we see - that this so-called right way isn't the only way; they forget that homosexuals proved that boy/girl stuff isn't the only way things can happen.
You can't do much about what other people think and that includes how bisexuals come to decide how they want to be - or can be - bisexual. But you still have to see the truth of things and believe the evidence over what's being thought. You don't have to be in a relationship with a guy to validate your bisexuality; if you're bi and you're married to a woman, you aren't invoking that stupid ass straight privilege bullshit. What's people gonna say if a guy marries a guy - and like some people think should be the way it's to be - but that guy is getting some pussy on the side? Is he not as gay as his relationship says it is or looks like? Invoking an equally stupid "gay privilege?" Not the way it's supposed to be?
Sorry for the rant, guys (and gals) but it pisses me off to see bisexuals buying into the dumb shit; it pisses me off when people who aren't bisexual are trying to tell bisexuals how to be bisexuals and more so when, duh, they don't know jack shit about being bisexual. See the truth for what it is... and don't pay the dumb shit any attention and most of all, be bisexual in whatever way you can be and if other people think you're doing it the wrong way, that's what they think... and what they think is wrong. You don't have to believe me and you're gonna have your own opinions about this... but see the truth above all else.
I quit trying to be what others wanted me to be a while back............so many groups want to label me something I am not, at the end of the day, I am just me
No one should be trying to define bisexuality and then trying to make all bisexuals fit into something that isn't going to fit well. You define your sexuality; you make it your own and you do what you gotta do in the way you can do it and if other people think you're going about it the wrong way, well, they're free to think that but just because they think you're doing it wrong makes it wrong. It never has. It never does. If I should leave - or even lose - my wife and want to be in another relationship, it'll probably be with a woman since, duh, I love the shit out of women. I could go with a guy and I learned not to say that it's impossible. None of those relationship things define my sexuality; it doesn't even speak to any implied preferences but it does speak to me being bisexual in the way I want and need to be. I like being married to a woman - it just works for me... doesn't have shit to do with my bisexuality.
On Biromantic
I would say, there has never been a man that made me feel like I would consider a long term relationship...the tug of love, dreaming of futures. That doesnt imply there ISNT one, but it hasnt happened.
However, I have fallen in love with 3 or 4 women.
On Bisexual
Plenty of both women and men that I would be with...whether they would with me or not.
As KDaddy said to see bisexuals buying into the dumb shit; it pisses me off when people who aren't bisexual are trying to tell bisexuals how to be bisexuals and more so when, duh, they don't know jack shit about being bisexual. See the truth for what it is... and don't pay the dumb shit any attention and most of all, be bisexual in whatever way you can be and if other people think you're doing it the wrong way, that's what they think... and what they think is wrong. You don't have to believe me and you're gonna have your own opinions about this... but see the truth above all else.
Keep yourself happy! If someone wants to think differently as a definition of bisexuality. It's in the dictionary. For myself, I moved to a new area, had a relationship as defined by society with a woman. I had a couple of m2m encounters previous to moving.
Then one day I met a man who said "Can you keep a secret?"
I said "I know lots of secrets from people"
He says "I'm gay, what's yours'?"
I said "I'm Bi and looking"
That was the start of a long 15 year relationship which recently ended due to him having a heart attack. The difference at least for me, was that when we were together which was every couple weeks was relaxing, no worries, only purpose was satisfying our sexual needs with complete devoted time for us. His outlook was always positive we were going to have a good time without any of the usual relationship demands. It was all about exploring male sex. It really was freedom for both of us to be sexually free.
That was all. It was our time of male bonding as males. I think as we look at what is considered traditional male female roles will meld into open categories of sexual freedom as the older generation passes and less people go to church each week. My take only as old rules are that old rules.
Changes in society advance slowly the same as civil rights has taken time to change peoples attitudes toward other race and cultures. This is a sexual civil rights issue talked about under many categories and venues. We as a society hold together as one based on nonconsensual agreement of laws. Sexual change comes from a change in the heart. We can love who we want of any sexual orientation as after all we are all human underneath whatever cultural skin we are in.
Don't worry, be happy!
For me, no reason.
This, right here.
I could probably try to over analyze the “why” of it. But, when all is said and done, it’s like Bruce Hornsby said: That’s just the way it is. I don’t have the same sort of romantic, relationship-based feelings towards men that I have/do for women.
I once said that it was impossible for me to fall in love with another guy and be in a relationship with him... and I was wrong about that. That doesn't mean that I'm going to "give up" being in a relationship with a woman just to be in one with a guy - and then "give up women" because I have a great love of, for me, sucking dicks. And even if it did find another guy I could be in love with, I sure as shit ain't gonna give up my love of women and pussy... because I don't have to if I don't want to. No matter who I might be with, I will forever be bisexual and for me to say anything different is me not only lying to other people, it's the greater crime of lying to myself. I'm married to a woman because I love her and I do love sucking dicks, too. Nothing unusual going on here. That's just the way it is (great song, too, by the way).
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