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  1. #1
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    Exclamation In need of some serious advice...

    As many of you know, I've recently decided to just give up on my search for a regular play buddy, due to all the fakes, flakes, and posers out there. I've tried three or four sites for potentials, and never had anyone follow through.

    That wasn't an easy decision, and I'm frustrated by it, but there's nothing for it except to wait for something to fall into my lap, so to speak.

    Things might have changed, however, as I was recently perusing (out of sheer boredom) the forums on one of the sites to which I still belong, and found in a group that there's a Bi-Only party/event happening within my travel radius!

    Here's my dilemma... I have absolutely zero experience at these types of gatherings. In fact, I've never been to a party of any kind. I'm not one of those who is comfortable in large social gatherings. I don't know how to interact in groups. The most I've ever done is hosted a dinner party for two other couples (a total of six people). The conversation centered around how the food was cooked, how the menu was selected, and was attended by very close friends who are also epicureans, and are knowledgeable about food. And that's what we all talked about. Cooking, how to cook, what foods to select and how to prepare them. We all had a commonality that begged communication, and we all knew each other well enough to know how to talk to each other.

    I have, literally, no idea what to do at this type of social/sexual gathering. To the best of my knowledge, I do not know anyone else who will be there. I only got invited because I know a couple who is known to the host. I've never had any encounters with this couple, but we do know each other. So, I was asked as a known-bi-male friend of a friend to attend a thing that is to be bi-only. Most likely, the only reason I am there is because bi-men are few and far between in my area. So I was asked to attend.

    I know what my first instinct is, which is to sit in a corner, or an out-of-the-way chair, and wait for someone to come up to me and ask outright if I will participate.

    Given how I have seen others act in some social situations, I get the feeling that I'll sit there all night, and no one will even notice I'm there. And the party will go on around me, with lots of people fucking and sucking, and I'll be on the outside looking in because no one knows I'm there. Compounding the problem is, I was asked to be there, so they do want me in attendance. Someone thought I would be a good addition to the mix, but I don't know how to "be mixed" in this kind of social situation.

    So, when one goes to a party, ostensibly for the purpose of having sexual encounters with other people, what does one do? Do you just walk up to someone and say "nice shoes, wanna fuck?" What if you see a nice dick that you want to blow? Suppose a gorgeous pair of breasts come into the room, followed immediately by the equally-gorgeous owner of said breasts, and you have the desire to eat her into oblivion? How does one indicate that one is willing to be an active participant without appearing to be Leisure Suit Larry, or some other socially-unacceptable pervert? (That other perverts will be there is irrelevant. It's me that I have control over, and no one else)

    I'm immediately primed to say and do nothing, with the expectation that I'll be refused, not granted permission or access, or will recieve any other form of "thanks, but no thanks" responses. I'm terminally non-social, bordering on debilitatingly reticent to be noticed. I am not the kind of person who will actively or willingly step up and ask for any type of publicly social interactions. The problem is made worse by the fact that I do not know any of the social protocols for participating in this type of group thing. I only know that no means no, and that is that. How do I indicate to others that I have a willing mouth and an available ass without wearing a sign around my neck? What are the rules in place to secure permission to join in, to be taken, to participate? And further, how do I do this in such a way that I'll get invited back? I just do not know how to "be myself" in this kind of setting, so that's not any kind of legitimate advice. Being myself will mean sitting in that corner waiting to be asked to participate.

    I'm right on the verge of refusing the invitation to attend, because I don't know what to do. I know that if I do that, I won't ever get another invitation either.

    This is nearly a dream-come-true, and yet I have no idea what to do!
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

  2. #2
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    You're over-thinking it. I've been in multi-sexual performances and just be willing to participate. If you object to something, just shake your head no, that's all. My two boundaries are blood and skat - no pain, only pleasure. Pissing is fine. Be willing but not over-aggressive. Love to suck cock and eat sperm, fuck holes, etc. Just relax and nod your head yes more than you shake your head no, and you'll get invited back!

  3. #3
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by lancer525 View Post
    As many of you know, I've recently decided to just give up on my search for a regular play buddy, due to all the fakes, flakes, and posers out there. I've tried three or four sites for potentials, and never had anyone follow through.

    That wasn't an easy decision, and I'm frustrated by it, but there's nothing for it except to wait for something to fall into my lap, so to speak.

    Things might have changed, however, as I was recently perusing (out of sheer boredom) the forums on one of the sites to which I still belong, and found in a group that there's a Bi-Only party/event happening within my travel radius!

    Here's my dilemma... I have absolutely zero experience at these types of gatherings. In fact, I've never been to a party of any kind. I'm not one of those who is comfortable in large social gatherings. I don't know how to interact in groups. The most I've ever done is hosted a dinner party for two other couples (a total of six people). The conversation centered around how the food was cooked, how the menu was selected, and was attended by very close friends who are also epicureans, and are knowledgeable about food. And that's what we all talked about. Cooking, how to cook, what foods to select and how to prepare them. We all had a commonality that begged communication, and we all knew each other well enough to know how to talk to each other.

    I have, literally, no idea what to do at this type of social/sexual gathering. To the best of my knowledge, I do not know anyone else who will be there. I only got invited because I know a couple who is known to the host. I've never had any encounters with this couple, but we do know each other. So, I was asked as a known-bi-male friend of a friend to attend a thing that is to be bi-only. Most likely, the only reason I am there is because bi-men are few and far between in my area. So I was asked to attend.

    I know what my first instinct is, which is to sit in a corner, or an out-of-the-way chair, and wait for someone to come up to me and ask outright if I will participate.

    Given how I have seen others act in some social situations, I get the feeling that I'll sit there all night, and no one will even notice I'm there. And the party will go on around me, with lots of people fucking and sucking, and I'll be on the outside looking in because no one knows I'm there. Compounding the problem is, I was asked to be there, so they do want me in attendance. Someone thought I would be a good addition to the mix, but I don't know how to "be mixed" in this kind of social situation.

    So, when one goes to a party, ostensibly for the purpose of having sexual encounters with other people, what does one do? Do you just walk up to someone and say "nice shoes, wanna fuck?" What if you see a nice dick that you want to blow? Suppose a gorgeous pair of breasts come into the room, followed immediately by the equally-gorgeous owner of said breasts, and you have the desire to eat her into oblivion? How does one indicate that one is willing to be an active participant without appearing to be Leisure Suit Larry, or some other socially-unacceptable pervert? (That other perverts will be there is irrelevant. It's me that I have control over, and no one else)

    I'm immediately primed to say and do nothing, with the expectation that I'll be refused, not granted permission or access, or will recieve any other form of "thanks, but no thanks" responses. I'm terminally non-social, bordering on debilitatingly reticent to be noticed. I am not the kind of person who will actively or willingly step up and ask for any type of publicly social interactions. The problem is made worse by the fact that I do not know any of the social protocols for participating in this type of group thing. I only know that no means no, and that is that. How do I indicate to others that I have a willing mouth and an available ass without wearing a sign around my neck? What are the rules in place to secure permission to join in, to be taken, to participate? And further, how do I do this in such a way that I'll get invited back? I just do not know how to "be myself" in this kind of setting, so that's not any kind of legitimate advice. Being myself will mean sitting in that corner waiting to be asked to participate.

    I'm right on the verge of refusing the invitation to attend, because I don't know what to do. I know that if I do that, I won't ever get another invitation either.

    This is nearly a dream-come-true, and yet I have no idea what to do!
    When you arrive, volunteer to help with setup, serving refreshments, passing out towels, filling condom bowls, relaying music requests, etc. Do not be in a hurry to finish these things, it is not a chore and you need to stretch these tasks out over the evening. It is an interaction exercise that will put you in an "official" role to the other guests and will make you feel more comfortable and less of an outsider. Simply explain to the host that you want to help as a way to familiarize yourself with the group, if the host is female she will understand and likely go out of her way to help you interact with everyone she knows. You will have fun and forget about any anxiety before the end of the night and have a good story to tell. Wear plenty of deodorant so there wont be a problem if you decide to sweat anyway.LOL
    For a real stupid response to someone, use one of the following phrases: Troll, hater, biphobic, hypocritical, sexually abused, in denial, should be in prison, bigoted, mutilated, bottom feeder, you have STD's.

  4. #4
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Even though it is billed as a Bi-only party, it is doubtful that it means you'll be expected to be engaged in continuous sexual activity from the moment you step in the door. All of the parties we have attended, or hosted, generally start out with social interaction and then slowly evolve into sexual activity. Then there is a continuous flow of activities between social and sexual.

    It is suggested that you arrive at your earliest opportunity. Meet with the host/hostess and thank them for the invitation. Be open with them and explain that this is your first time at such event and you are a bit apprehensive about how the party works and the expectations others may have of you. You might even ask to be introduced to an experienced guest who can give you a little guidance about this particular group. It is also common for hosts to take first-timers around and introduce them to other guests.

    Be prepared to engage is some small talk. Others may have questions for you. Be open and honest with your responses, particularly about a lack of experience. There are often party-goers who really enjoy guiding others through their first experiences.

    Keep the small talk going. The secret is being a good listener. Ask questions about anything (although you might avoid religion and politics). Common questions at such events involve how they got started in the lifestyle, what are their favorite activities, what are their turn-offs. Show interest in them and their experiences. Think of them as your epicurean friends who are telling you about new things they have tasted or a new dish they would like to try. Don't try to get involved in sexual activity right away (unless you are asked and feel comfortable). Watch how others drift off to play. If you find yourself interested in someone, after you have talked to them for a while, tell them you are nervous about it being your first time, but that you find them attractive or desirable and ask if they have any attraction to you. Going further will depend on their answers.

    The key is being friendly. Even if you don't have any sexual activity that first time, just be friendly and enjoy yourself. That alone will ensure a subsequent invite.

    Have fun!!
    The hardest part is not finding out who we need to be, it is being content with who we are.

  5. #5
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    I would assume there might be some kind of ice breaker to initiate and encourage interaction. I would encourage you to participate since you seem a little shy. I am also. My wife and i once attended a swapping party and i was pretty nervous. How ever my wife quickly made a friend by stripping off to her panties and was the first on the massage table (the ice breaker). When the first guy was massaging her she slipped down his pants and started sucking him. Of course, I looked for his wife and when i found her, me and her were the first in the bedroom. So go enjoy yourself and be the the first to offer a blow job out by the pool and like,my wife you will become very popular with the guys.

  6. #6
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    just go in to the party have drink talk to a few people it will be fun the thing is everone there is there for sex and fun

  7. #7
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    All good advice from the others below. I especially like the comments about letting the hosts know you are shy and inexperienced, and offer to help with things as a way to interact.

    This might seem like a strange suggestion, but perhaps take sex off the table for your first time. It removes a big part of the uncertainly and a lot f the pressure and perhaps will make it easier to mingle. Go with the goal of experiencing the dynamics of such a gathering and meeting a few people that you may get to meet again someday. More of a "Meet and Greet" for you. The next time around, you will be more comfortable and know more of what to expect.

    Of course, if someone shows interest or even invites you to play, AND you are interested in he/she/them, go for it! But only if you are interested. Don't feel obligated.

  8. #8
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Some good advice has been given -- hope something rings true to you!

    I'm very much like you, in that I feel awkward in most social situations, and it even extends to vanilla 'family' events. My wife and I both feel more comfortable with small groups and tend to be wallflowers at larger ones.

    I'm not a big 'talker' or conversationalist. Hate chit-chat, am no good at small talk. Like you, with your ability to schmooze about cooking, there are a number of topics that I'm both comfortable with and interested in, and all it takes is being in the company of someone with similar interests, to spark conversation. When the talk turns to one of these topics, I feel completely at-home and am willing to share just about everything I know with someone, even if we've just met. Computers, music, and bisexual sex -- can't shut me up about those. (Especially when writing, but that's another story...)

    Also, ss one writer commented, being a good listener is a valuable skill, as some people LOVE to ramble on. All you may need to do is come up with an occasional question or comment to move things along with someone like this.

    I wouldn't even feel out-of-place taking the opportunity to sit back and watch. If you see something that turns you on, your face and body language will communicated your feelings to others. If there's a bulge in your pants, your had will instinctively go to it, and that's a great 'come hither' message to those receptive to it. Remember, the other people are there for the same reason you are. Under those conditions, I know I'd have my cock out, even if nobody was interested. I've masturbated thousands of times when nobody was around or watching, and quite a few times when there were interested parties.

    A twist on an movie cliche: "If you build it, they will cum."

    Relax. Step out of your comfort zone and enjoy!
    Last edited by silkyhoselover; Jul 17, 2018 at 6:55 AM.

  9. #9
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by cslutt View Post
    You're over-thinking it. I've been in multi-sexual performances and just be willing to participate. If you object to something, just shake your head no, that's all. My two boundaries are blood and skat - no pain, only pleasure. Pissing is fine. Be willing but not over-aggressive. Love to suck cock and eat sperm, fuck holes, etc. Just relax and nod your head yes more than you shake your head no, and you'll get invited back!
    That's really good advice, but it kind of misses my intent. You seem to be proceeding from the assumption that I am going to be welcomed with open arms, and automatically included in everything going on, to the point I'll have to fend off everyone's attentions. I know that it will be quite the opposite. It isn't so much as me objecting to anyone proposing anything, it is that I know I won't be noticed, and therefore won't be able to ask anyone if I can participate. I certainly won't object to anyone inviting me in. I know that no one will, because they won't know I'm there. Additionally, I know that once I do ask someone, they'll wonder where I came from because they didn't know I was there. In social situations of more than 8-10 people, I don't know how to mingle. I've also never been in a situation, ever, where I didn't know anyone else. Including the host couple. I won't know a single soul, and won't have any experience knowing anything about how people act, interact, or react, because they do know these things, and will know some of the others there, and my basic personality is to sit back and observe, which, in my experience, is the perfect way to get left out, overlooked, and ignored in today's "all about me" society.

    Which is another reason I've never really been into parties or other social gatherings. I don't go to company holiday parties, I don't go to block parties, I don't go to lake summer parties, or any other kind of party, because I am not the kind of guy who can stand up and soak up all the attention like everyone else seems to do at these things. I walk into a room full of people, and nobody notices I'm there. I'm not the guy that every head turns when I show up. I wish I were, but I'm not. So I err on the side of being overlooked and ignored. Much less embarrassment, humiliation, and shunning from no one knowing you're there. I once had a hostess call me the next day after a gathering, asking me if I had been sick because I wasn't at her party. I told here I was there, and described things that happened, and she said that no one remembered me being there. It's that bad.

    Since it's a group full of people who probably already know some of the others who will be there, and I do not have that familiarity to fall back on. I'll be a total outsider. I only know someone who knows someone. I will be an absolutely unknown entity. That absolutely, and in all other ways, is exactly the reason why this bothers me so much. The idea of being in the midst of a group of people who know how to do social things, when I don't, terrifies me. The act of being social falls completely outside of my experience, comfort zone, and knowledge base. I would bet a year's salary that not one of the people there are going to come up to me wanting any sexual activity that I haven't already done or wouldn't do, so my participation isn't the issue. I'm game for almost anything anyone can throw at me. The issue is, I don't know how to ask to join in. I don't know how to get people to notice me without me looking like a totally incompetent twit. I'm okay in one on one, or a small gathering of 5 or less, but more than 10 people at a thing just is outside my experience. Think Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters. That's my biggest fear, being seen as that guy. So, the very few times in my fifty-three years that I have ever gone to a party, I've spent some time there, and left without having spoken to anyone.

    Quote Originally Posted by chtampa View Post
    When you arrive, volunteer to help with setup, serving refreshments, passing out towels, filling condom bowls, relaying music requests, etc. Do not be in a hurry to finish these things, it is not a chore and you need to stretch these tasks out over the evening. It is an interaction exercise that will put you in an "official" role to the other guests and will make you feel more comfortable and less of an outsider. Simply explain to the host that you want to help as a way to familiarize yourself with the group, if the host is female she will understand and likely go out of her way to help you interact with everyone she knows. You will have fun and forget about any anxiety before the end of the night and have a good story to tell. Wear plenty of deodorant so there wont be a problem if you decide to sweat anyway.LOL
    That is absolute gold. It's really good advice, and I will follow it. It never occurred to me to even think of any of those things, because I'm terrified of jumping out in the middle of things and getting ridiculed for it. The only drawback is that I won't arrive early enough to help with setup, due to the distance I'll have to travel coupled with other time commitments earlier in the day. But I can volunteer to help out with whatever is available when I do get there. I can be helpful, polite, friendly, and non-threatening, and that will mean people will see me there. I'm not a very good mingler.

    Back when I was in college, I had a roommate who could pick up a nun in a convent. This guy was so smooth and so good he could talk a girl out of her panties in 15 minutes. Once, I remember we went out to a club (he dragged me along so I wouldn't sit in the dorm totally alone) and I watched him pick up and fuck three different girls in less than two hours. I know they did the deed, because I could see them in the parking lot between the cars. We once made a bet that I could walk into any club, and no one would notice me at all. $50 or the bar tab, whichever was bigger. He picked out my outfit for me so I'd "look cool". Took a Polaroid instant photo of me at the door and I went in. Spent 1 hour in the club, per his rules, walking around the place, and I even ordered a Pink Squirrel from the bartender, just to get remembered. He went in right after I walked out, and told me he showed that photo to almost everyone in the club, even the bartender, and not one person remembered seeing me at all. Come to think of it, he still owes me that $50, nearly 30 years later...

    I only hope I don't get thought of as a waiter or something... Hahahaha... This is good, chtampa, It absolutely speaks to my dilemma, and poses a solution that won't get me ostracized if I fuck something up. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by bityme View Post
    Even though it is billed as a Bi-only party, it is doubtful that it means you'll be expected to be engaged in continuous sexual activity from the moment you step in the door. All of the parties we have attended, or hosted, generally start out with social interaction and then slowly evolve into sexual activity. Then there is a continuous flow of activities between social and sexual.

    It is suggested that you arrive at your earliest opportunity. Meet with the host/hostess and thank them for the invitation. Be open with them and explain that this is your first time at such event and you are a bit apprehensive about how the party works and the expectations others may have of you. You might even ask to be introduced to an experienced guest who can give you a little guidance about this particular group. It is also common for hosts to take first-timers around and introduce them to other guests.

    Be prepared to engage is some small talk. Others may have questions for you. Be open and honest with your responses, particularly about a lack of experience. There are often party-goers who really enjoy guiding others through their first experiences.

    Keep the small talk going. The secret is being a good listener. Ask questions about anything (although you might avoid religion and politics). Common questions at such events involve how they got started in the lifestyle, what are their favorite activities, what are their turn-offs. Show interest in them and their experiences. Think of them as your epicurean friends who are telling you about new things they have tasted or a new dish they would like to try. Don't try to get involved in sexual activity right away (unless you are asked and feel comfortable). Watch how others drift off to play. If you find yourself interested in someone, after you have talked to them for a while, tell them you are nervous about it being your first time, but that you find them attractive or desirable and ask if they have any attraction to you. Going further will depend on their answers.

    The key is being friendly. Even if you don't have any sexual activity that first time, just be friendly and enjoy yourself. That alone will ensure a subsequent invite.

    Have fun!!
    Ha! I honestly don't expect it to be "wall to wall sexual activity" but I'm sure there will be some things going on. I am reasonably confident that I'll be able to satisfy my voyeuristic nature.

    Introducing myself to the host and hostess is something that also didn't occur to me, and for that gem, I thank you. I don't know why I thought this, but I sort of halfway expected to be greeted at the door, since that's something I always do when I have a friend or two over. I suppose my inexperience speaks here, because if there are 20+ people there, the hosts wouldn't be able to participate for having to greet everyone. My inexperience is fueling my ignorance. Also, explaining it's my first time at a thing like this ought to work in my favor, because everyone likes a virgin. <snicker> I can see it now. The host and hostess will announce to everyone that I'm a party-virgin, and that will make everyone in attendance fall all over themselves to make sure I remember my first time by immersing me in cocks and twats! Heh... In all seriousness, I truly hope that it is as common here as it is in Louisiana that newbies get introduced around. That will go a long way to making me more comfortable.

    You touch on something that does give me a little apprehension. Making small talk. My small talk skills are seriously lacking to the point that the subjects I can talk about will glaze everyone's eyes over within 20-30 seconds. Classical and Baroque music. Renaissance art. Architecture. These are topics which are certain to cause everyone to groan inwardly and find reasons to be elsewhere. I know nothing of beer, country music, or who's car is faster at driving around in circles all day. The only thing that will be my saving grace is that I refuse to talk politics, sports, or religion. So, I won't be a sterling conversationalist. I suppose I could always look up some dirty jokes on the Internet, memorize them, and tell one or two once in a while. I know I'll have to make some effort to guard against looking like an ivory-tower academic (which I am) and just be that friendly guy who has something nice to say about everyone, and who knows how to wield his two-inch cock of death with great skill... Hee hee hee...

    ghw132: That's more than I could ever hope for. Almost in the realm of fantasy for me. But thanks for the visual, and for the reminder that I take my pants off like everyone else does...

    cornholejoe: Yes, I hope you're right.

    querty: You've got an extremely intriguing take on this. I may just do that. I can absolutely hope that no one will perceive it as stand-offish, but I can also guarantee that I've seen the hostess' photos, and I'd swive her in a NY minute. I'd bet that the list of attendees is of similar quality, so the odds are good I'll want to do someone. Thanks for the humility reminder.

    Quote Originally Posted by silkyhoselover View Post
    Some good advice has been given -- hope something rings true to you!

    I'm very much like you, in that I feel awkward in most social situations, and it even extends to vanilla 'family' events. My wife and I both feel more comfortable with small groups and tend to be wallflowers at larger ones.

    I'm not a big 'talker' or conversationalist. Hate chit-chat, am no good at small talk. Like you, with your ability to schmooze about cooking, there are a number of topics that I'm both comfortable with and interested in, and all it takes is being in the company of someone with similar interests, to spark conversation. When the talk turns to one of these topics, I feel completely at-home and am willing to share just about everything I know with someone, even if we've just met. Computers, music, and bisexual sex -- can't shut me up about those. (Especially when writing, but that's another story...)

    Also, as one writer commented, being a good listener is a valuable skill, as some people LOVE to ramble on. All you may need to do is come up with an occasional question or comment to move things along with someone like this.

    I wouldn't even feel out-of-place taking the opportunity to sit back and watch. If you see something that turns you on, your face and body language will communicate your feelings to others. If there's a bulge in your pants, your hand will instinctively go to it, and that's a great 'come hither' message to those receptive to it. Remember, the other people are there for the same reason you are. Under those conditions, I know I'd have my cock out, even if nobody was interested. I've masturbated thousands of times when nobody was around or watching, and quite a few times when there were interested parties.

    A twist on an movie cliche: "If you build it, they will cum."

    Relax. Step out of your comfort zone and enjoy!
    I can absolutely relate to your and your wife's experience. I don't "chit-chat", and I have nothing to say that is "small". Conversation and communication should be like a needle. It should have one point, and be sharp. My only worry, (and I'll have to actively watch this) is that I don't do "non-verbal signals". Ever. That can really create unpleasant and uncomfortable circumstances if misinterpreted.

    I may just be the wallflower that I am, but do it in the middle of the room. It is my belief that people who engage in adult activity in a room full of other people are exhibitionist at heart, and if they want to be watched, then by golly, I am going to watch. I might even consider getting close enough to ask If I can lick that, or touch this, or something else, if I feel up to it. Some people are look-but-don't-touch types, and I'll have to observe carefully so as to not give offense.

    Gang, I feel much better about going to this event now. I've been given many great ideas and some superbly sage advice. I hope I don't fuck it up. Or maybe I do hope I do fuck... Heh...

    Thanks to everyone!
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

  10. #10
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    FWIW: I went to one of these events locally, a few years ago. The only thing someone pointed out was that I had to be in my undies, if I wasn't buck naked. It was an apartment gathering, and I walked from room to room, watched, rubbed my crotch and hung out. I chatted with a dude who said "first time ?" (hell, did it show THAT much ???)..lol. We had a nice chat about us both being bi, married, on the DL etc. It even got as far as "what are you into ?", but I never felt pressured to participate.. I walked around and watched action and enjoyed the environment. I chose to not join, but never felt uneasy. I'm on the fence lately about some local "slip away and play" parties...they have all male and mixed mf parties, but I worry more about seeing or being seen by people I know or know me...I also am paranoid about disease, so I gotta be stupid-worked up to join... I say, go and see what happens !

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    NJbiguy01 never been to one of those events, so I can say great advice, or was it great observation from someone who has been there. Also know that both you and your wifes inputs leads me to say good for you, both of your discussions on this fourm lead me to believe you both having a great relationship. Side note I would love to play with her big tits that she shows on her profile pic.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Sorry just checked your profile, was thinking of another member. Still great advice!

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Bi_his_side was thinking of you and your man. Can`t remember his login name

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by lancer525 View Post
    You touch on something that does give me a little apprehension. Making small talk. My small talk skills are seriously lacking to the point that the subjects I can talk about will glaze everyone's eyes over within 20-30 seconds. Classical and Baroque music. Renaissance art. Architecture. These are topics which are certain to cause everyone to groan inwardly and find reasons to be elsewhere. I know nothing of beer, country music, or who's car is faster at driving around in circles all day. The only thing that will be my saving grace is that I refuse to talk politics, sports, or religion. So, I won't be a sterling conversationalist. I suppose I could always look up some dirty jokes on the Internet, memorize them, and tell one or two once in a while. I know I'll have to make some effort to guard against looking like an ivory-tower academic (which I am) and just be that friendly guy who has something nice to say about everyone, and who knows how to wield his two-inch cock of death with great skill... Hee hee hee...
    Many people worry about MAKING small talk. That characterization bothers me because it is so difficult to MAKE small talk. It is so much easier to just participate in small talk. The Toastmasters have 8 suggestions about small talk. The first five are:

    • Become more social. ...
    • Be a good listener. ...
    • Encourage the other person to talk. ...
    • Ask questions. ...
    • Use body language to express interest in the conversation. ...


    Note that none of these require you to be knowledgeable about the subject. Let them do most of the actual talking, spend most of yours listening and asking questions. If you have been introduced to someone involved in the conversation or you hear someone else use their name, try to address your questions using their name. People are more apt to feel more comfortable with you when they know you are recognizing them.


    The hardest part is not finding out who we need to be, it is being content with who we are.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    My one suggestion is---just make it clear---this is the first time that you are attending a party like this--and that you are kind of scared and intimidated by it---and I will bet that will help break the ice--you probably won't be the only "newbie" and even if you are---for EVERYONE THERE--at some point doing this was THEIR FIRST TIME and if they are decent kind people--I am sure that they are--they will do all they can to make you feel welcome and at ease and offer advice and so on---

    Good luck and have fun...bet it will work out just fine for you....

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Thanks everyone.

    I'm pretty sure that it will all work out, after hearing all this great advice!
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Friends of ours who went to orgies decades ago, told us that at orgies/sex parties the people there really do not like people who are just voyeurs and who only watch.

    Also anyone who is such an idiot that in 2018 they go to an orgy/sex party and have sex with random strangers should not be surprised when they get various common STIs. Even if condoms are used you can still get STIs.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    Friends of ours who went to orgies decades ago, told us that at orgies/sex parties the people there really do not like people who are just voyeurs and who only watch.

    Also anyone who is such an idiot that in 2018 they go to an orgy/sex party and have sex with random strangers should not be surprised when they get various common STIs. Even if condoms are used you can still get STIs.
    i wish we could live in a world where we could all have sex with anyone we wanted whenever we wanted. maybe the world wouldn't be so uptight. unfortunately i agree with u, sti's are a concern & not everyone is responsible sexually.
    also interesting insite about voyeurs at orgies. not to hard to believe because the purpose is to open urself to some common fun. if someone is not making themselves available it kills the vibe. there are people who do like to be watched. but if ur not willing to be watched having fun too i can see how people can see that as hypocritical.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Please, somebody tell that asshole polesmoker to get his hateful, negative, and insulting ass off my thread.

    I don't want his bullshit dirtying up my time here. Life is too short to put up with that kind of crap.
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by lancer525 View Post
    Please, somebody tell that asshole polesmoker to get his hateful, negative, and insulting ass off my thread.

    I don't want his bullshit dirtying up my time here. Life is too short to put up with that kind of crap.
    It's not being negative, or hateful. What I wrote is true even if you don't want to admit it.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    My advice to you is just to go there, maybe have some wine to drink, and just try to relax, and see how things go...If you don't go, you'll never find out...

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Well, I texted the hosts to let them know I planned to be there (weather permitting, as I ride a motorcycle and don't ride in the rain) only to be completely dumbfounded to find out that they are charging single bi-males a whopping $100 to attend this party! Couples are $40, and single women, bi or not, are free.

    What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

    I'll be damned if I'm going to pay anyone to allow me to come to their damn party. If anything, they ought to pay my appearance fee!

    It's the stupidest, most discriminatory load of crap I've ever heard of.

    I really am going to give up now.
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    i imagine they do need money for something. drinks, snacks, condoms? is this taking place somewhere that's rented out for the event?

    i'm sure there charging based on trying to keep an even balance of the sexes maybe trying to have a few more women because female bisexuality is generally seen as more desireable than male bisexuality, assuming an excess of 1 sex will tend to mean more action within that sex. otherwise a whole bunch of guys would arrive & then be left to deal with......a whole bunch of guys! If openess to bisexuality no matter the sex is the law of the land that's great. but going with what i said before most of these parties don't exactly encourage male bisexuality whether it's the decision of the hosts or the people they attract. so i can see single males being charged more to come play, to keep them down in number.

    but 100 bucks? i agree that sounds ridiculous. plus it sounds like this party is pretty accepting of bi guys anyways. find a friend, dress them up as a women if it's a guy if u have too lol. or keep looking u never know!

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Nope, it's not a rented venue. It's a big 6 bedroom lake house owned by the couple putting on the event. One of three houses they own, BTW. They're not hurting for money. Their main-house's garage is bigger than my house.

    I've thrown some big Halloween parties, and have never charged. They might cost me a few hundred bucks to put on, but people chip in, and help clean up after. I've never heard of anyone charging for any kind of party, ever.

    It's plainly bullshit.

    I just sent a polite "no thanks" and let it go at that. I have some self-respect, and it will be a cold day in August in Phoenix before I'll ever pay to play.
    Last edited by lancer525; Jul 31, 2018 at 10:49 PM.
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    i'm gonna guess they don't donate admission to lgbt causes or...anything else charitable.

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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by sysper View Post
    i'm gonna guess they don't donate admission to lgbt causes or...anything else charitable.
    I'd tend to agree with that.

    Not that this couple is an exmplar, by any means, but it's been my experience that people who have that kind of money tend not to give a cent away. They'll throw down tens of thousands on a new boat, or a piece of jewelry without ever blinking, but give a dime to someone else? Naaahhh....
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

  27. #27
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by lancer525 View Post
    Well, I texted the hosts to let them know I planned to be there (weather permitting, as I ride a motorcycle and don't ride in the rain) only to be completely dumbfounded to find out that they are charging single bi-males a whopping $100 to attend this party! Couples are $40, and single women, bi or not, are free.

    What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

    I'll be damned if I'm going to pay anyone to allow me to come to their damn party. If anything, they ought to pay my appearance fee!

    It's the stupidest, most discriminatory load of crap I've ever heard of.

    I really am going to give up now.
    In California, we have quite a few of these parties available to us (most within 50 miles of our location). We used to host such parties and generally asked for $25 per person to defray the cost of putting on the event. We stopped about 4 years ago because it was just costing us too much. The main reason is that we would have 25 or so people sign up, but only 15 would show up. The worst offenders were single men. Turns out they often signed up for 2 or more parties at the same time and then make the decision on which to attend that night. Most didn't have the courtesy to call and cancel. Even when they did, we had already put out the money to purchase the refreshments, etc. for all those that signed up.

    In another post you talk about them apparently being wealthy and, therefore should be able to foot the entire cost themselves. People who host these parties don't do it on a once-per-year basis. Normally they are hosting one or more times a month. You can't keep a cohesive group only doing one a year.

    The rates you talk about are also the common rates fro parties today in California. Think about it. What do you think the cost of hosting such party might be. If it's at a hotel, you've got the cost of the room or suite. The hotel has to be upscale, we are not talking "keep the light on for you" Motel 6. Then there's food. That means good appetizers, not just chips and dips. You have to have a good supply of water, sodas, and other mixers, sometimes even the booze. Got to have condoms, lube and extra towels available. If you are hosting in your own home, you admittedly don't have the high cost of a hotel, but you still have all of the other cost, plus additional ones like doing all the laundry for the beds (you can expect a few changes), cleaning the carpets (there are always a few who just drop the condoms when finished with them), extra cleaning of the pool and/or hot tub because to the seamen floating around, etc.

    Whether the party is billed as straight or Bi, if it's co-ed, single guys will readily sign up. At Bi parties, generally half, or more, of the single guys who claim to be Bi actually are not. They come because they feel they can fuck a few wives and have a good time. You seldom find a single guy initiating bisexual activity with the other men. The higher cost for them is a deterrent to such action.

    The cost structure you were given reflects groups that are fairly open to the admission of new faces. In groups where the attendees are a closed membership (generally only a few new faces) the costs are often lower.

    The people who host these parties are not in it to make money. They enjoy providing others with the opportunity to express themselves sexually in a group environment. Many feel it is a turn-on to watch or be watched, or to be involved with multiple people at the same time. Where else could you find the opportunity of having 4 or 5 people making one person the center of attention (it's a great experience). If the hosts only wanted to satisfy their own desires wouldn't they have a easier time with inviting two or three other couples to their home or out for dinner and then home?

    You might reconsider you attitude about paying to attend a party. If you took someone out on a date would you not incur some cost? What would it cost you to put on a party and invite enough people to provide you with the opportunity of varied sexual experiences. I will view you attitude as being the result on your lack of experience in the lifestyle. Others, who might not be aware of that lack of experience, would be initially prone to view it as arrogant, self-centered, childishness. After all, who would have the audacity to feel they should be paid for being given the opportunity to meet, and have sex with their guests?

    Hopefully, you will change your mind when given the next opportunity to attend such a party.

  28. #28
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by lancer525 View Post
    I'd tend to agree with that.

    Not that this couple is an exmplar, by any means, but it's been my experience that people who have that kind of money tend not to give a cent away. They'll throw down tens of thousands on a new boat, or a piece of jewelry without ever blinking, but give a dime to someone else? Naaahhh....
    You sound extremely bitter, vindictive, and jealous. No wonder nobody wants to have sex with you.

    Why is it that other people love to tell complete strangers how they should spend their money? Or basically tell them that they should give their hard earned money and savings away to total strangers or non-profit orgs which just pocket most of the cash and give very little if any of the donation to the people that they are supposedly trying to help?

  29. #29
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Bityme; So very well said. Thank you.

    Lancer; I too will give you the benefit of doubt that your inexperience and disappointment led to your response to the situation.

    As a single Male, straight or otherwise, you carry a heightened responsibility to behave in the most gracious unassuming manner possible. You carry a heightened responsibility to ask about, understand, and respect all boundaries, all the dynamics. Ask questions up front. Never assume anything.

    Absolutely everyone, couples, singles, male, female, should follow these same basic courtesies. However, single males have a reputation of behaving counter to this. You have that extra hurdle. No, it's not fair to be judged by others behavior, but it is what it is.

    Step back, regroup, keep searching.

  30. #30
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    Re: In need of some serious advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by bityme View Post
    In California, we have quite a few of these parties available to us (most within 50 miles of our location). We used to host such parties and generally asked for $25 per person to defray the cost of putting on the event. We stopped about 4 years ago because it was just costing us too much. The main reason is that we would have 25 or so people sign up, but only 15 would show up. The worst offenders were single men. Turns out they often signed up for 2 or more parties at the same time and then make the decision on which to attend that night. Most didn't have the courtesy to call and cancel. Even when they did, we had already put out the money to purchase the refreshments, etc. for all those that signed up.

    In another post you talk about them apparently being wealthy and, therefore should be able to foot the entire cost themselves. People who host these parties don't do it on a once-per-year basis. Normally they are hosting one or more times a month. You can't keep a cohesive group only doing one a year.

    The rates you talk about are also the common rates fro parties today in California. Think about it. What do you think the cost of hosting such party might be. If it's at a hotel, you've got the cost of the room or suite. The hotel has to be upscale, we are not talking "keep the light on for you" Motel 6. Then there's food. That means good appetizers, not just chips and dips. You have to have a good supply of water, sodas, and other mixers, sometimes even the booze. Got to have condoms, lube and extra towels available. If you are hosting in your own home, you admittedly don't have the high cost of a hotel, but you still have all of the other cost, plus additional ones like doing all the laundry for the beds (you can expect a few changes), cleaning the carpets (there are always a few who just drop the condoms when finished with them), extra cleaning of the pool and/or hot tub because to the seamen floating around, etc.

    Whether the party is billed as straight or Bi, if it's co-ed, single guys will readily sign up. At Bi parties, generally half, or more, of the single guys who claim to be Bi actually are not. They come because they feel they can fuck a few wives and have a good time. You seldom find a single guy initiating bisexual activity with the other men. The higher cost for them is a deterrent to such action.

    The cost structure you were given reflects groups that are fairly open to the admission of new faces. In groups where the attendees are a closed membership (generally only a few new faces) the costs are often lower.

    The people who host these parties are not in it to make money. They enjoy providing others with the opportunity to express themselves sexually in a group environment. Many feel it is a turn-on to watch or be watched, or to be involved with multiple people at the same time. Where else could you find the opportunity of having 4 or 5 people making one person the center of attention (it's a great experience). If the hosts only wanted to satisfy their own desires wouldn't they have a easier time with inviting two or three other couples to their home or out for dinner and then home?

    You might reconsider you attitude about paying to attend a party. If you took someone out on a date would you not incur some cost? What would it cost you to put on a party and invite enough people to provide you with the opportunity of varied sexual experiences. I will view you attitude as being the result on your lack of experience in the lifestyle. Others, who might not be aware of that lack of experience, would be initially prone to view it as arrogant, self-centered, childishness. After all, who would have the audacity to feel they should be paid for being given the opportunity to meet, and have sex with their guests?

    Hopefully, you will change your mind when given the next opportunity to attend such a party.
    Nope.

    It'll be a cold day in hell before I'll ever pay to meet people. Ever.

    I really don't like being tarred with the same brush as "other guys" who act like assholes at these things. I'm not them, and to hell with anyone who puts that kind of baggage on me. I did nothing to earn it, nor do I deserve it. If you're going to pull that kind of immature crap on people, then you're simply not someone with whom I choose to associate. And furthermore, exactly where do you get off denigrating my "experience in the lifestyle"? We played together for years, and not once were we ever invited to any event where anyone got charged. Not once. Who do you think you are that you dare label me as arrogant, self-centered, and childish? Who died and left you arbiter of propriety? You may take a flying leap at a rolling doughnut and kiss my rosy red asshole.

    I don't have to explain myself to you, nor do I have to justify my position to you.

    Maybe you're so desperate for attention that you'd be willing to pay to go to one of these things, but that's you. I happen to have a hell of a lot more self-respect than that.
    ------------
    Doesn't anyone find it odd that an attractive face is one of the criteria by which we decide to lick the area from which someone urinates?

 

 

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