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Thread: confused???

  1. #1

    confused???

    I have been confused about my sexuality for many years. I am even more confused because its getting more complicated. Okay I am going to start out with the fact that my family is traditional and doesnt like the whole gay/bi thing. So, with that I will continue about my confusion. I have gone out with lots and lots of guys. I was in a long term relationship with a guy for a year and a half. When we would play around in bed. I was not turned on when we touched I was never turned on UNLESS I visualized a female. to think of touching a mans privates makes me sick to my stomach but yet guys are attractive. Girls on the other hand to think of them naked and touching etc turns me on and makes me crazy in a good way. Well, this has happened many times. The guy I was currently with I had the same problem in order for me to get off I had to think of sugarland Jennifer Nettles in order to get off and have an orgasm. He did not take off his clothes I wouldnt allow it. That part grosses me out...now I am told I am not gay blah blah but I cant help but feel more towards the females than males. I dont know if I am just a complete lesbian or I have a phobia. Any advice?

  2. #2

    Re: confused???

    So you aren't physically attracted to guys, are you romantically or emotionally attracted to them? Do you feel the same way about ladies? It DOES sound from your description that you are more inclined to like ladies - although you speak about them from the physical sense mostly.

    We've always been sort of put into specific gender roles so it can be hard to imagine, but I think the Kinsey study showed that sexual preference can be fluid - people can be attracted to either sex in various different ways at various different times in their lives.

    You could probably take the Kinsey test and see just where you rate - does anybody have a good link?

    Also, don't forget that sexuality is only a part of who you are as a whole being it will drive you crazy trying to label yourself. Very frustrating actually - just about the time I've convinced myself I like guys I see an attractive lady.

    People who think that being "bi" is easy (the "double your chances for a date" crowd) don't have any idea what it's really like not to know and coming to terms with the fact that it's ok NOT to decide.

    -E

  3. #3

    Re: confused???

    It's kind of confusing the way I feel...Physically I am attracted to men like they look good but to think romantically sexual wise like having sex with them totally turns me off...for a female its completely different. I want to see them naked I want to touch them I want them to do the same

  4. #4

    Re: confused???

    Do you have any romantic/emotional attraction for ladies? Just curious..

    In any case I think you've found a community of friends here - and yes, it is confusing - people appear to be the sum of all parts, come in all different shapes and sizes - I'm slowly learning that includes gender and sexual preference too.

    Welcome!

    -E

  5. #5

    Re: confused???

    did you try girl on girl issue before? and did that turn you on?

  6. #6

    Re: confused???

    I have sexual and romantic attractiveness towards females but I have never had a situation where its come up...but I remember when I was little I played a game of house and I sucked on another one of the girls boobs like I was doing the baby thing and I liked it....I was also kissed by a woman and touched by a woman on the thigh and I still liked it...

    I have a more romantic attractiveness towards women than men...to think of a man naked doesnt turn me on...yes men are attractive with their muscles etc but to think of them fully naked and having sex with me or me touching their you know what...grosses me out...
    Last edited by ChsnyNLelandsBsh; Aug 28, 2008 at 1:13 AM.

  7. #7

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by ChsnyNLelandsBsh View Post
    I have sexual and romantic attractiveness towards females but I have never had a situation where its come up...but I remember when I was little I played a game of house and I sucked on another one of the girls boobs like I was doing the baby thing and I liked it....I was also kissed by a woman and touched by a woman on the thigh and I still liked it...

    I have a more romantic attractiveness towards women than men...to think of a man naked doesnt turn me on...yes men are attractive with their muscles etc but to think of them fully naked and having sex with me or me touching their you know what...grosses me out...
    More me reads ya posts more me can c u an me wud b triff m8s... tee hee
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  8. #8

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by elian View Post
    People who think that being "bi" is easy (the "double your chances for a date" crowd) don't have any idea what it's really like not to know and coming to terms with the fact that it's ok NOT to decide.

    -E
    I think elian knows a bit more than he speaks.

    And actually, yes being okay with not choosing is a difficult path. It can also offer some rewards. In a way it is a blessing and curse.

    I've been bisexual as long as memory serves. At a young age I knew that a difference existed. In third grade contentment was found in having a boyfriend and girlfriend. The adults at the time left 'children to their silly playing'. I think the rational behind it was we'd grow out of it. Both the boyfriend and girlfriend did eventually, I never managed. Still prefer having one of each gender for loves and lovers.

    Here at home with mom, due to financial crap and the death of my stepfather over a year ago, it's kind of difficult. I 'came out' to mom over a decade to a decade and a half ago. Her reaction at the time was a little more understanding and nice.

    "Well, I brought you up to be a decent person and you're damn smart, got a good head on your shoulders. You befriend people first which is good. Take love where you can get it, might not be around all the time." She said, then.

    And now, "Don't go spreading that bullshit about being bisexual. It's just not right!"

    In the first place I don't wander around with a flashing neon billboard and bullhorn announcing I'm bisexual. Secondly, even if I chose to it's my life and right to do so. And no one should give a tinker's damn about what goes on behind my bedroom door, unless of course there's reason to suspect I'm being a real monster and abusing someone. Which there is no such reason, nor shall there ever be.

    But, I understand having to curb yourself due to the environment. It truly does bite empty sardine cans. That's why I appreciate this site. It lets you be yourself. Here I can for example do this.

    <hugs and cuddles elian>

    And it's alright because folks here understand, and we welcome everyone.

  9. #9

    Re: confused???

    that is how I feel...my parents never understood my feelings they just discount them and say I am idolizing women and I dont have a clue what it feels like when you have sex with a man a whole new world will happen..but I dont feel it because everytime I am near that I get grossed out and freaked out and I back out of the relationship...I havent visualized doing it with a male in well ever...I have only visualized doing it with a female...and it doesnt gross me out...they said something about condoning it...

  10. #10

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by ChsnyNLelandsBsh View Post
    that is how I feel...my parents never understood my feelings they just discount them and say I am idolizing women and I dont have a clue what it feels like when you have sex with a man a whole new world will happen..but I dont feel it because everytime I am near that I get grossed out and freaked out and I back out of the relationship...I havent visualized doing it with a male in well ever...I have only visualized doing it with a female...and it doesnt gross me out...they said something about condoning it...
    1st of all.. how ya feel is nuthin 2 b ashamed bout..its natural an wudn b ther othawise.. every human bein on this planet has 'er or 'is own sexuality an heterosexuality..if it indeed exists wich is questionable... IF it exists it aint for every 1. Jus cosya neva had sex wiv a guy don mean ya neva will.. it also don mean ya eva will want 2... neva experienced dyin an am bloody sure me don wanna... we all wanna hav different experiences.. it may well b that yas gay.. no shame in it hun..reely.. nun at all.. it jus is..maybe yas bi wiv a preference for women..an no shame n that eitha..that, if its the case..jus is an all... an mayb..at sum indeterminate stage in the future ya will go man mad..an woteva me mite say bout men..is no shame eitha... it jus is..

    Condonin it? Hun..ther shud neva b ne shame in condonin sumthin wich is natural, healthy, gr8 fun an nowt 2 b ashamed of...eva... its no sin..woteva ya mum an dad say..an the society round ya.. woteva ya r..woteva ya likes..just is... wenya sure.. embrace it an ya will b so much more at ease wiv yasel...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  11. #11

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by ChsnyNLelandsBsh View Post
    that is how I feel...my parents never understood my feelings they just discount them and say I am idolizing women and I dont have a clue what it feels like when you have sex with a man a whole new world will happen..but I dont feel it because everytime I am near that I get grossed out and freaked out and I back out of the relationship...I havent visualized doing it with a male in well ever...I have only visualized doing it with a female...and it doesnt gross me out...they said something about condoning it...
    Personally its ok to feel like that. Trust me. Questioning who you are is a good thing, try not to force anything out in the open per say, just let things progress natrually. Yes it is hard when a person is romantically turned on by men, and yet sexually by women~ or even the thought of it.


    It is normal to flutate between states, for some they maybe bisexual but with a preference to women, or to men.

    Thinking to hard sometimes just brings more problems in the long run for you.
    Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside.


    Dorothy Allison quote.

  12. #12

  13. #13

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by void_dweller View Post
    I think elian knows a bit more than he speaks.

    <hugs and cuddles elian>

    And it's alright because folks here understand, and we welcome everyone.
    <blushes> - why Mr. Void - I do believe I've caught the vapours.. <swoons>

    (they still have those in VA right? All those "anti-huffing" campaigns these days .. hard to tell if chivalry is still alive sometimes.. "This is your brain on drugs - this is your brain with a side of bacon, wheat toast and a big ol' glass of OOO-JAY" <grins> )


    Anyway I agree with everyone - If you are trying your best to do what's right in your heart there's no shame in being who you are. As a matter of fact it sounds like being in an intimate relationship with a male might be a very unhappy/unhealthy thing for you right now.

    If by any chance a man has ALREADY caused you great trauma then maybe that is a situation that requires special attention to overcome - either way and regardless I don't see the point in being unhappy just to try and conform to what everyone else wants? You can only do that for so long and in the end it just leaves you drained and unhappy anyway.

    In that you harm none, do what you will.



    This is a bit preachy, but I like it -

    People - By Mother Theresa

    People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred;

    Forgive them anyway.

    If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

    Be kind anyway.

    If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

    Succeed anyway.

    If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

    Be honest and frank anyway.

    What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

    Build anyway.

    If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

    Be happy anyway.

    The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

    Do good anyway.

    Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

    Give the world the best you've got anyway.


    You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and GOD.

    It was never between you and them.

    Anyway.

    -Mother Theresa

    <hugs>

    -E
    Last edited by elian; Aug 28, 2008 at 7:52 PM.

  14. #14

    Re: confused???

    Don believe Mother Theresa the saint lots of folk seem 2 make er out 2 b.. but can liv wiv that Elian..part from the God bit at end as ya wud expect from me... an the serenity bit kinda been covered in anotha thread.. butya neva can tell..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  15. #15

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyes View Post
    Don believe Mother Theresa the saint lots of folk seem 2 make er out 2 b.. but can liv wiv that Elian..part from the God bit at end as ya wud expect from me... an the serenity bit kinda been covered in anotha thread.. butya neva can tell..
    Well dear, let me put it this way - the one and only time I was ever "zotted" by a spirit guide was when I was laying in bed thinking about things shortly after Mother Theresa passed. I must've been like 18-20 years old. I thought about it, turned it over in my head and thought about it some more and finally thought to myself, "She had ulterior motives" - about a second after I said that I felt the most terrific pain shoot directly up my spine - the likes of which I had never felt before, nor since.

    Guide later admitted that I was in fact right - but the amount of "good will" shown by that lady was so significant - so much more than 10, 50, 100 "typical" human lifetimes that the motivation behind the deeds really didn't matter.

    It was an interesting lesson - and I'm not quite sure what I learned - other than to have respect for other people who are struggling to come to terms with being human..that being technically right isn't always what's important maybe.

  16. #16

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by elian View Post
    It was an interesting lesson - and I'm not quite sure what I learned - other than to have respect for other people who are struggling to come to terms with being human..that being technically right isn't always what's important maybe.
    Bein "technically rite" hun is often bein blatantly morally rong...
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  17. #17

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyes View Post
    Bein "technically rite" hun is often bein blatantly morally rong...
    Agreed..there is more to life. Sorry to hijack thread.
    Last edited by elian; Aug 30, 2008 at 4:32 PM.

  18. #18

    Re: confused???

    sexuality can be a strange thing.......

  19. #19

    Re: confused???

    Quote Originally Posted by sysper View Post
    sexuality can be a strange thing.......
    Quote of the year.....
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  20. #20

    Re: confused???

    You need to start (unless you've already done so) moving away from the prejudices you picked up from your parents. Though I'm certainly not a psychiatrist, it seems tome that these prejudices account for at least some of your confusion. Once you discard them (not an easy task), you should be able to figure out who you are sexually. Good luck, I know this is a difficult path. I've struggled with it for decades.

 

 

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