We're married 35 years. She's Italian-Catholic conservative. She was with one or maybe two guys before me. No interest in woman (although she admits how a woman can truly understand another woman emotionally, but she's not into women sexually). I was highly sexually repressed as a kid and started sex play at 15 with men and women and later couples. She still has issues with intimacy that I would like her to get counseling for, but I don't know when that might happen, if ever.
I came out to her after we married, as she was someone I really wanted to be married-to and be the mother of my kids, we're also partners in business. She was a bit upset and wanted to know why I "kept it a secret". I told her the above and she chilled and understood it. I told her I was inactive since we got engaged. A few years ago I was careless with my phone and she (and my kids) saw some e-mails they shouldn't have. Amazingly, we worked through it. She suspects some activity at this point, although it hasn't been overtly discussed. She will sometimes ask if I found a guy attractive in a social situation or on TV. She will also ask if I "miss playing with men". We do play with toys in bed. She has strapped on for me and we (or me) often suck a fake rubber cock during sex..
I've been able to tell her that I do miss the play. Our love life has waned a bit from age and meds she's taking. I do feel at some point it might come to a time where I can get a hall pass. I do play sometimes, super discrete, super careful about who, what where and condoms etc. It would be great to share the experience with her, if not in person, at least in talk. "Hey honey, how was your evening"...? It's funny, we did have a long talk one hot summer night about what I did before we got married. She got soaking wet and I really thought we were heading upstairs to fuck one another's brains out and out kids showed up and the night ended differently.
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