I'm just having the hardest time getting together with guys since the pandemic started. Now, I don't know whether it's because of the pandemic, or things have just changed since my dozen gay hookups between 2014-2016 before meeting my girlfriend. Ultimately, I know it's just my own karma. But from an ordinary point of view, I don't understand it. Ever since breaking up with my girlfriend of three years just before the pandemic hit, I've been very excited to get back to hooking up with guys again, and exploring the even stronger gay side of myself that appeared during that very rocky relationship.
Even though I have been trying to use many different websites and apps, I've only managed to get together with one guy, twice, in September 2020, using Squirt. I contact guys, and most just don't reply at all. Of those who do reply, the vast majority that are bi are also married, and I only play with single guys. And most of the gay guys are on PrEP, so more of a risk for STDs in my mind (with the possible greater promiscuity being on PrEP brings); and I'm not on PrEP myself yet, at least not until I get a good momentum going in having sex with a guy or guys on a regular basis. So yes, my discrimination is minimizing the pool of available guys for me. And I've gained some extra Covid weight that's decreased the size of the pool of guys interested in me.
But even the guys that fit our mutual criteria, who I begin to text or email with using the hookup site, or even text with using cellular, I still have a hard time arranging get-togethers. Some just go silent when I broach the subject of arranging a get-together (after trying to get to know each other a little bit perhaps, which a lot of guys don't seem to be interested in doing), or when I ask certain questions, like if they would like to exchange face photos to see if there's a mutual attraction (even though I tell them it's not a dealbreaker if they don't want to share their face photo), or if they would like to exchange cell phone numbers if we actually get to the place of arranging a get-together (again, it's not a dealbreaker for me). But they still flake out on me. And when we get to arranging a time and house to get together at, they either cancel multiple times or are a no-show. Sometimes it's clear that they are just playing me. Other times it might be a combination of legitimate reasons and fear (perhaps out of lack of experience). It's very frustrating, especially if I clean my house and shave my body because that's their preference.
I think I'm posting tonight because I'm feeling a little bit almost desperate, and certainly frustrated and sad. Tonight is particularly difficult because that ex-girlfriend of mine got married today, with a guy she hooked up with a week after our break-up. I guess I'm feeling a little lonely, or a lot. Part of me is happy for her, and wants her to have nothing but joy and peace. Another part of me is sad for me, which I know is selfish. I'm still not interested in hooking up with a woman at this time, even though a couple adventure movies I watched tonight, for example, had some straight romance that made my heart flutter. But at least some sex with guys would be nice.
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