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  1. #61

    Post Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I was so totaly "confused" for many years. I figured I was gay, but girls would excite me also. I can't believe it took me so long to realize that I was Bi! How simple that was to realize. I was near 50 when one day it hit me "you are bi"! I can't believe the relief that came over me. It was such an awful experience to me before. I am married and love my wife dearly but I still found myself enchanted when I saw a beautiful man somewhere. I was so confused and felt so guilty for many years in my marriage. Now I know that I am bi and I feel so different. I wish I had the courage to let my wife know...maybe she does and won't talk about it. I am so afraid to hurt her by talking to her about it so I haven't and probably never will unless I get caught with another man someday. I hope that never happens. Yes, the guilt is still there when I do make a contact, but I can't live on "one side", I have tried and it's very painful to me. I don't think the man upstairs will send me to hell for this feeling or my actions. I believe he makes everyone on the planet and he doesn't make mistakes, so I feel I will be forgiven and that's how I now live my life. I admire everyone who is "out" or "in", they are facing the same thing(s) we do and it's their business where they want to be. God bless us all

  2. #62

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    i believe, it is easier to come out and tell your family and friends, because you are still the same person, nothing has changed bout you, accept your sexuality and if people dont take it the right way, well hey they arnt worthi= knowing.
    i still havent come out to my parent yet, because im scared, but if have learnt something, your friends are always gonna be their to support you no matter what happen.
    gd luck babe x

  3. #63

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Quote Originally Posted by samantha x View Post
    i believe, it is easier to come out and tell your family and friends, because you are still the same person, nothing has changed bout you, accept your sexuality and if people dont take it the right way, well hey they arnt worthi= knowing.
    i still havent come out to my parent yet, because im scared, but if have learnt something, your friends are always gonna be their to support you no matter what happen.
    gd luck babe x

    I agree friends are way more supportive than family. I still have family members that refuse to talk to me because of my sexuality, but I haven't lost one friend.

    .. Who says "blood is thicker than water."

  4. #64

    Cool Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I just came out to my whole family (at least all those who live in the country). It was after everyone was done opening Xmass gifts, I was crying like crazy for some reason and taking a puff of marijuana between sentances. I finally said I'm bisexual and they all hugged me and said "is that all?" I went to the bathroom to vomit from sheer nervesouness; at my return I found my family gathered again opening a bottle of champagne. They had a toast of champagne ( me with my marijuana) to me for my courage to come out. I was more shocked at how well they took it than they were of the news. They have had questions in the few days since and while it hasn't been as festive to it anymore I know my family loves me and are going to let me enjoy being myself.

    Intresting question my brother asked was wether he can call me a fag (playfully) still- I told him I'd get back to him on it. The rest unplesantly dealt with my poor health and if any of my doctors knew(not yet). I'll tell my GI soon since I have questions about it myself about my sexuality affects my health( in my case it happens to actually be important but won't go into it today).
    Well wanted to share that with everyone.

  5. #65

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    i am bisexual for almost 4 years...and only 2 persons know.
    my ex girlfriend and by best friend.
    i don't think i would ever have the courage to admit to my family or my friends.
    i am afraid of rejection.

  6. #66

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I would never tell my mum and dad or anyone else in my family. Luckily I live in a city away from where my immediate family lives so I'm more or less free (I'm out to all friends and work colleagues) and live in quite a liberal household with another Bi guy and a Lesbian so free to have my BF/GF over for tea and bumpy cuddles.

    The pride bracelets and stuff come off when visiting/being visited by family though. We have a pact in the house that when family is visiting any of us we don't talk about gay stuff. It kinda feels wrong but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to say anything .
    Last edited by Giggles100; Jan 6, 2010 at 4:49 PM.

  7. #67

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Quote Originally Posted by MrsQuagmire View Post
    i am bisexual for almost 4 years...and only 2 persons know.
    my ex girlfriend and by best friend.
    i don't think i would ever have the courage to admit to my family or my friends.
    i am afraid of rejection.
    Me too. Only my girlfriend and a few others know because they understand. I want to experiment some more but I'm kind of too nervous and don't know how to go about it. Maybe i'll go to a gay club but explaining that to my g/f would be strange. She'd wanna go with me so she could find a female, but for me trying to find some guy infront of her seems awkward.

  8. #68

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Quote Originally Posted by Apleasureseeker View Post
    What are you saying when you come our as bisexual? First thing, the one that bothers everyone, straight & gay: "I want sex with a lot of partners." I mean, bisexual, you gotta have at least two, right? Second thing: "I don't want to commit to anyone." You said you NEED a man and a woman, so when you're with either one, you're missing the other. Third thing:"I like or need gay sex, but I'm not gay." So you're willing to play in the relative safety & marginal acceptance that gays have fought for, but without even a tip of the hat to their lifelong sacrifice. Fourth: "I want gay sex, but not with gay people." Isn't that the assumption? How many girls are 99% queer, fucking & relating only to women, but claiming I'm bi, not gay, because lesbians all have bad haircuts? Well, you get the idea.
    When I come out as bisexual, it only means that I am attracted to both sexes. It does NOT mean that I NEED a man AND a woman and certainly not at the same time as I am monogamous. Your third and fourth points were pretty similar. No, I do not NEED gay sex either. My bisexuality means that though I am attracted to both sexes I only love one person and am not as flippant as you might think. However, after a break up, I myself do not know whether my next love will be a man or a woman. For me, it's not only about the physical pleasures.

  9. #69

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Quote Originally Posted by vertigo_balance View Post
    I was in the military so don't ask, don't tell ran my life for a very long time. I "blended" got married (though I actually don't advocate marriage unless you have kids) got out of the military and continued to work for the government I am out to friends and some coworkers but it is still easier to not "rub their noses in it" to keep my job and support my expanded (now we have a girlfriend) family. I hope that when I retire I can plaster "bi" stickers to my car and maybe rub some noses in it but for right now there is no way.


    I strongly agree with you. Why wake a sleeping dog?

  10. #70

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I'm still new to this site but I most say this is a brilliant article. As you have stated there is more acceptence now towards same sex relationships then in past. I fully agre with you. In the early eighties as a bisexual teenager who was brought up in a christian conservative household I know how bad we were treated during that time period. But before the general public found out that Rock Hudson died of aids the acceptance of bisexuality at leat in the part of pa. I lived in was becoming more than tolerable amongst others my age and the Twenty-something community. While Rock Hudson's aids related death exposed the public to the fact that aids just wasn't something that was just happening to Gays and Bisexuals without money, It also divided the acceptence of the bisexual in the part of Pa. I lived in.

    I state this because deaspite the leaps and bounds that has been made for those of us with alternative sexual needs it only take one controversial incident to change said perception. So From where I stand as someone in my earlier forties who has known he is bisexual since about the age of 11 the lack of acceptence from the straight and gay community is devastating. I believe as a human being and a bisexual male that promoting understading of someones beliefs and sociopschological makeup is the only to continue to make head way in this fight for acceptance. Despite knowing one has to be vigilant in this pursuit the question remains is there ever such a thing as too much acceptance if It only takes one incident to cause a backlash.

    Here's a qoute from Bob Dylan: "I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom." It's A comment I throughly agree with because in this eco-political climate in which we live to many have forgotten this statement. I belive we live in a socity where public opinon can and will change about every thirty seconds due to the rapid information that is increasingly arriving at the end of our fingertips.

    Your article is brilliant and herioc because in your writing you show an understanding of freedoms responsabilties. Keep the writing up and continue to stand up for your personal beliefs. I believe this community needs more individuals like you.

  11. #71

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    i came out to my therapist last weekend, first time i have said "i am bisexual" face to face with anyone, wow it was a relief but now all these thoughts...what now ? should I tell my wife....have told 2 friends but not face to face, over the internet and phone. they were very supportive...saying it out loud though was a relief, weird, confusing, therapeutic, etc.....let's see what happens from here

  12. #72

    Smile Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I have several problems with coming out.
    1.) I don’t know where I am coming out from. I am married and wife will never admit to being bi or at least her previous experiences. Hence those dosents allow her to enjoy her feelings. We have talked at length about me being ok with her bi feelings. I actually know the lady she was with and it happened between her divorce and our marriage. We have been married 8 years but she gets almost angry at my talking about it so we avoid the subject.
    2.) I am not sure if I am bi although I have to be greatly curious. My sexual identity is not really known to me. We have 2 kids from previous marriages so we know neither of us is gay but do I have bi tendencies. I have wondered how it would be to be like a female and experience a guy. In other words; my wife gives oral to me so I would love to be in her position and give oral to a guy.
    Here is where both of our sexuality gets blurred. We both came from almost abusive sexual marriages prior to ours. My then wife informed me; that 4.75 and thin just wasn’t cutting it sexually and we stayed married 6 years and had one child. She had some affairs and then it was time for her to move on. She cared little about foreplay and needed the big one for her orgasm. My now wife’s ex was well endowed and thought all he needed to do was slam it home. He thought oral sex on a female was dirty and hence she was left high and dry. We met we dated actually for 3 months before we tested the bedroom due to our insecurities. Wow! We both enjoyed it. We talked about our past and I love oral and lots of foreplay. Size was not an issue to her. She is a squirter and multi and we are still very pleased. Some where in the fun I became her g/f a few times and we role played that and it was so awesome. I had come from a marriage where an orgasm was rare if any to a marriage where my wife soaks the bed as we began to share more. She loved my feminine side and soon I was wearing panties and that was a plus and as we began to accept my feminine side more the fun got even better. We did talk about a continual role playing of me being her g/f or bitch depending on her mood for a straight 4 year time frame and we both agreed we were having fun and why stop. What makes it work is for me it’s a complete role reversal. Out side the house I am a gym rat and firefighter and former navy seal. I am 6-0 and 212 but inside the home I’m all female sexually. I go from my job or gym in white Boyshorts by Hanes to red or yellow bikinis around the house and for our fun time. I have some pink hot bikinis of all styles. We have even changed the nomenclature of my penis to my over sized clit. She laughs and tells me clits belong in panties. We have even joked on phone or texted that morning, “So what you want tonight clit to clit”? Intercourse is rare we have a vibe for those stretching movements. We both prefer me being Lisa and oral and fingers and lots of foreplay. She then usually gets on top and slides along my clit and when she is ready to start squirting she raises up and I massage my clit against hers and that’s hot. I don’t have to be inside her to have orgasms anymore. We have ventured outside our box a few times with me Cumming in her and she getting on top and squatting over my face and I clean her up. She asked me once if I wanted another mans cum in her and me cleaning her up and I said I wasn’t sure.
    I really think I would feel like a girlfriend watching her getting a real cock and now I only have a clit. (Damn I have never been so honest). She hasn’t asked again and I have had fantasies of this. I do enjoy watching well endowed men in the shower at the gym but I am not sure if that’s penis envy or my hidden feelings of bisexuality.
    3.) We live in small town USA and even though our sex life is pretty hidden it would be unacceptable outside the house. We both have high profile jobs. There is only one person that really knows and that’s her 20 y/o daughter who husband is in Afghanistan and she is cool with it. She is even comical about it. “Mommy must want some tonight you’re in pink lacy ones”
    Neither of us knows what we would come out to but we are pretty open and honest to each other so there may be more fun out there.
    Any suggestions…sorry about the length of response.

  13. #73

    Cool Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    undecided he he

  14. #74

    Cool Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    undecided he he

  15. #75

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    someone said it best in a previous post, as long as you out to yourself the rest doesn't matter. Profound statement as it relates to self acceptance and ridding yourself of self loathing that leads to emotional upheaval. I am out to 2 friends and my therapist, wife is next to know as i just figured it out myself after all these years.

  16. #76

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    well, we (I'm the woman) are both bisexual and it took us years to see it in ourselves. For me, even though I knew and would happily be accepting of anyone who said they were bisexual (incidentally I didn't meet any) it wasn't on my radar to think about! So 11 years of marriage and four kids later being bisexual isn't a secret but its not something that pops up in topic. So if anyone bothers to read my online profiles they will see it and if not they wont know. I wish I could 'come out' and enjoy that breath out and maybe have conversation but its a no its just not relevent, we know people but dont have close friends to tell.

    ...on the other hand my husband (and I agree with him) believes the kids (they know and the eldest is 11) time growing up might be difficult for them if 'everyone knows' and homophobia or be it biphobia exists and anything like that is worse for kids.
    Thesaint & Orangejelly

  17. #77

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Well, I wish I were as confident as many of you seem to be. I told my husband 10 years ago, when we were just dating, that I was bi. He seemed okay with it, but I don't think he truly gets it. I care for him a great deal, but find after a significant amount of turmoil in our relationship, which resulted in his major mistreatment of me, I feel less inclined to share any more with him. With the exception of telling my husband, I have only come out to my sister, who was very supportive, and a couple of friends, also supportive. I guess I struggle with my strict religious upbringing and that keeps me from feeling I can be myself. Currently I feel more drawn to the female gender for emotional and sexual contentment, but because I am married and trying to live in a monogamous relationship, I just don't go there. I am seriously conflicted. I just don't know what to do.

  18. #78

    Smile Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I'm going through the journey of coming out as its an ongoing step. The only people that I won't tell are the guys at work because of their biphobic/homophobic views, as for the people that I've known my whole life some know and some don't. The ones that don't will eventually. I have it included in my profile on the various websites that I'm on. As for everyday life, I don't go around advertising that I'm bi but if someone asks me about my orientation I'll tell them or if they ask if I'm gay, I'll correct them. My mom knows but I'll tell the rest of my family the next time I visit them. I told my ex-wife when I realized that I was bi. That was one of the things that lead to our break-up. My current girlfriend knows I'm bi, she is too. My boyfriend also knows that I am, he's gay but bi-curious. I believe that you shouldn't have to hide anything or who you are from the people you love. If they can't accept it, things can get really difficult. As I tell more people I feel more and more free. "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind."

  19. #79

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Like most things bi- it depends I agree with an earlier post that said if your girl friend is insecure- it's not worth it. In my case I had the biggest crush on the guy who introduced me to my girl friend-her ex-boss whom she completely loathes now- imagine how I feel . I tread careully because I don't want to lose either of them. I must point out that the guy is not my lover- my girl knows her ex-boss and I love each other very much (just as friends) and that alone causes her pain. so when I speak to him. I' don't mention it to her-she really doesn't want know.
    So I would say when it comes to coming out if you're a bi-guy take it on a case by case basis-LOL when I was in college I found out that if I said I was bi- most straight guys would think I was attracted to them -and if I wasn't their feelings would be hurt! so strange . When I said I was bi to most straight girls they would assume I wasn't interested in them (even if I was)- so so strange. To repeat what has already been said so wonderfully well else where on this thread the most important person to come out to is -yourself
    stay sexy my friends!

  20. #80

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I am not cumming out to anyone,I did say to my wife that I thought I may be Bi she said you can leave.So I said I was kidding,but I am kidding my self.I am Bi and I love it,today I had oral sex with someone same age as myself,never had an uncut cock.But I will be having it again on a regular basis as he said to me he said my exwife never sucked it & swallow she would Spit it out.So bring the cocks on my mouth is willinndle is the deepthroater

  21. #81

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    As a married man, I can only tell anyone that is in my shoes, that this is dam cheating. I cannot control myself, my attraction towards other men are real. My belief is my wife will understand and not spread it all over New York, its time to come clean, I would rather gamble on the odds, then to loose the whole card game. lol

  22. #82

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Ok, that was a long read... so it has me thinking, who am I out to? A select few people. I agree w/ some of the folks here that it is something you don't yell from the rooftops, on the other hand, with all future relationships, I believe I have an obligation to let it be known to my next lover/partner that I enjoy oral sex with either sex but really only can truly love a woman.

  23. #83

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I am not out.Why do I have to Cum out I have a selact group of Married men who enjoy oral sex with our group we don't get it at home & why upset the apple cart if we 5 or 6 married men can have oral sex ( NOT ANAL ) then we are just BI.I am sorry if the previous writer feels it's wrong. No one is going to be hurt here.So we 5 or 6 will continue to have oral sex until death do us part then I will Cum out

  24. #84

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I am not "out" either and I don't wish I were "out". I live in a rural area where almost everyone knows everyone else and where bi-ness is automatically equated with gayness and with disdain. I am 400 miles away from my immediate family so I do not fear them discovering I am bi, however I will be shunned and maybe even fired or run outta town on a rail if my employer or co-workers and str8 friends ever find out I like sex with men, too. But bottom line is that being closeted bi is just sooo secret and taboo and exciting..... and that is a major part of the turn on for me..I don't think I'd get as sexually excited if I were out....does that make sense?

  25. #85

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I want to tell my wife who is very sick with Cancer & not able to perform sex with me that I have desire's.I dont want to leave her I wont to take care of her be there when she needs me,But I need to release my sexual tenshions that have been built up in my body.I am always twisting my male nipples & the felling I get is uncontolable sometimes as I am a man. I want to taste cum jim crem sliding down into my stomach.I have in the past deepthroated many white cocks primarly married men who do not get it at home we meet I deepthroat and sometimes swallow there load's of hot jism,It seems sometimes I cannot get enough.We meet 3 day a wk for oarl sex Only no anal sex that's an exit only. I am afraid if I tell my wife she will either die,or kick me out.I Don't want to leave her but I have desires that must be taken care of.I am tired of susie palma & her sister.Need advise. Have been married for over 24 years.

  26. #86

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Yea I know the felling of wanting to consume a cock. I have never done it but would like to try and have the\at warm cream trittle down my throught and into my belly.

  27. #87

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    On New Years Eve, I finally told my wife of 35 years, that I give BJs. She has accepted it so far. I don't plan to advertise it to family or friends, since that's usually when you find what real family or friends they are.

  28. #88

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    If you didn't live so far away we could take care of each other. Then we would find out of we really enjoyed it. But no anal.

  29. #89

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I came out in 2010 to all my friends after i realised id fallen completely in love with my best friend. I had waited years to tell her i guess i finally got the courage to tell her, but at first she didnt tell me she felt the same, i felt like such an idiot to think she would ever love me never mind like me. But a year later she told me i was happy but lately..ive been thinking have i left behind who i was to become who i really am? i know it was a good decision because i feel happy i just hate all the judgement we get constant little name calling it does get to me but i dont tell her because i want her to think were okay and we can handle it but its just tough, i cant wait till i get to just take her away from everyone and start a new life. I dunno if that will help us..will it?

    Being Bi isnt bad, its who you are :3

  30. #90

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    It probably will Lauren - one of the things most of those "it gets better" videos miss out about LGBT life is that "it gets better"... eventually! Hang in there

 

 

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