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  1. #31

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Society is not safe enough to ever come out!

    While close friends might know about me, society in general will not!

    Unless you live in a pro gay area, the rest of world is a reality that does NOT condone what I do!
    There are just two tragedy's in this life.
    One is not getting what you want.
    The other is getting it.

  2. #32

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    DON'T COME OUT UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE TURNED YOURSELF INTO A HOT, SEXY PIECE OF EYE CANDY!!!

    Society will "condone" anything, as long as it's done by a hottie.

    My door only swings ONE way. I'm attracted to/sleep with only those men & women who are on the exact same point on the Kinsey scale as I am(Equally Het & Ho...Don't even think about touching THAT one, bub!). It's a "like kind with like kinds" thing for me.

    That said, I never considered coming out while I was fat-huge, actually. Not due to bi-shame. No. Because I don't like to see fat, unhealthy-looking bodies as particularly sexual-especially my own former tub of lard(though I did enjoy playing with my B-cups....).

    In other words, I didn't feel comfortable enough to display my sexuality UNTIL AFTER I FELT SEXY!!!

    Think about it. You may jeer, as many have.....until.....

    Anyway, when I came out to my family as bi, they all collectively said, "Well, duh!!! Ya like muscle studs and busty women. What else would you be?! Again, we say, duh!!!" And yes, they're all church-going Christians. Actually, they're what Christians claim to be and should be, but rarely are. Actually, they never call themselves Christians. They just call themselves "good, silly-assed people who treat others the way we wish to be treated".

    Trust me on this one. Get sexy and no one will give a sh*t about your sexual orientation.
    GUARANTEED!!!
    Or your dignity back!
    Last edited by BIMUSCLEBOY2007; May 29, 2007 at 2:35 PM.

  3. #33

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Personally, I think this "Coming Out" is Bullshit. I don't feel my sexuality is everyones business. As long as my wife is OK with it, no one else matters. I never thought it was really necessary to be a "Flaming" Bi or to be so Dramatic to put on a show that everyone can look at. I don't need the bullshit hassel from family & friends, giving me a hard time over not being their version of straight.

    WestTennBiGuy

  4. #34

    Red face Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    the article was great and I understand for some it is important to come out to family and friends but for me family and friends don't need to know I have 3close friends that know and as long they know and i can be myself around them know body needs to know (anyway I think its pretty ovious if they cant figure it out on there own then there not ready to know)

  5. #35

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    As the "elder statesman" in this group LOL, first I agree with WestTennBiGuy...
    In my case, I have been in the swinging lifestyle for 26 years first with my late wife and then with the lady I married after her passing (we are now divorced, but still good friends).....Both of these ladies knew I had a curiosity about bi sex activity, however until the past few years, for a guy to mention he was bi, OMG the horror, yet it has always been alright for two women to have fun together......Thankfully that has changed to a degree as more men, married and single, in the swinging lifestyle are admitting to being bi or bi curious and good for them! The amazing thing about it is that it is the wives, for the most part, who are promoting the idea of their husbands being with another man.....
    Last year I got introduced to the bi sex scene by a married bi couple at a swingers party and it was a big turn on for my wife, and me, plus she also had her first bi experience as well.....It did not affect us after in any way at all and it's been a good ride thus far.....
    I am very comfortable with my sexuality, always have been, and now I have this extra added pleasure and enjoyment.....Other than my ex, the only other person who knows is my business partner and it did not phase him one bit, he is perfectly fine with it....As for other people, friends, family, etc. what I do in my private life is none of their business....
    I am happy with myself, at peace with myself and enjoying this new found addition to my life!
    Art
    Last edited by ArtLuvsoral; Jul 4, 2007 at 7:49 PM.

  6. #36

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Quote Originally Posted by Drew
    (Was anyone else confused when Willow started dating Tara and suddenly was gay, never mind the years she spent head-over-heels for both Xander and Oz?)
    Thank You! I'm glad someone else noticed...

  7. #37

    Thumbs up Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    As Art said above,

    I am also very comfortable with my sexuality, always have been, and now I have this extra added pleasure and enjoyment with other like-minded male friends. Over the years my wife has change her attitude about our sexual life and sex with us is far and few. Once we were very active but now we are not. I still find I need the outlet to engage in some form of sex and if the wife is not willing, there are many men, willing to help you with your sexual release. Some may say that it is not being faithful to our spouse, but I do not agree with that since I do love her very much. I am just doing what humans have done through out time. I try to be very discrete as not to hurt her, but in my mind it is OK as long as it does not affect our marriage. I am happy with myself, at peace with myself and enjoying this new found addition to my life! As for other people, friends, family, etc. what I do in my private life is none of their business.... just my
    Understand, life is but a short Journey, people must try to experience and enjoy any, and all, of various sexual opportunities that they can, while they are able to! The lasting memories can be great!

  8. #38

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I think coming out is a very individual choice. I do also agree with the other responders that coming out is mostly for yourself first. There is a lightening of spirit in living honestly and openly with no apologies.

    I do agree with the article that not coming out is detrimental to the bisexual community and perpetuates the climate of stereotypes. If no one knows of a "bisexual" then they can think anything they want and never be challenged in this belief.

    This article like most things I've read on bisexuality says that bisexuals must "choose." Why? We are bisexuals, not gay, and not straight. Why should we let gay and straights determine how many partners we have at the moment? Who made up that rule? It's ok if that is one's preference, it's not ok if it's forced.

    As long as people are truly loved and cherrished and one's life is not all about just the lust, then we will have just as much in common with people who are into "family values" as anyone. Nuclear families are a NEW concept. There is also a saying "It takes a village to raise a child." And I've seen the result of "villageless" children. Not terrific.

    Some links that are interesting
    The best child raising paradigm? Turns out two fathers and a mother and extended loving family.

    Psychology of Fatherhood

  9. #39

    Re: Straddling fences and identities

    Quote Originally Posted by chameleon
    As someone who does not identify as bisexual but a) sleeps with and dates women and b) sleeps with but does not date men, I'm living proof of the variety of meanings comprised under the label of 'bisexuality'. And I'm out to everyone about my sexuality (except my parents, but that's another story). Dating women can be tricky at times, unless they are also bisexual in some way. Then there is the added complication of my choice to be non-monogamous (not poly - yes, there's another story there, too).

    In any case, sexuality has proven to be a lot more fluid and changeable in my life - especially in the past ten years - than I ever expected. I have also watched lovers and friends go through a similar process. I don't know if I am bisexual or not, and what this means to any other given individual, but I do know that I am always being true to myself and honest with others about the way I choose to live and love and build sexual connections. As for my loved ones, the objects of their love, affection and desire are utterly irrelevant to me. They are part of my chosen tribe and I wish for their happiness, however they choose to define it.

    you used the word FLUID..in a sentence AND it made sense!

    ok..we all have our issues... sexual ,emotional..but kewlies..you sound like rebel without any particular cause..just rebellious in general...

    gosh id like to sit your cute butt down and dish..about life!

    say..are you a Gemini ?

    ok..ive hunted you down..and my pic WAS posted on my ad.should you really desire a pic for a chat..lemmie know!..cause i only wanna chat!

    spida
    ...i am a stranger;stranger to death; stranger to love; stranger in life...

  10. #40

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I found from past experience that it's "easier" for females to be bi than males. Many guys have this fantasy for two women at the same time. I've never met a woman that wants two men at the same time. After a while of not being trusted when dating women, thus cycing back...their not trusting makes me go have 'fun' somewhere else, it just seems like most women want just one guy, but alot of guys want more than one woman. SO strange!!

    The point is...if you're bi, and your're a guy, and you know your girlfriend is a little insecure, don't bring it up, it'll only make things worse. But on the other hand, from previous posts, it's very hard living two lives(gay/str8). Only time will tell if one should expose themselves for who they truely are. Sometimes things happen, and you don't have to say a word.

  11. #41

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Believe me, you need to be true to yourself. I had bi feelings all my life and in between marriages (2) and other serious relationships, I would experiment with males. Once in a serious relationship with a female, I would remain monogamous and true to her, not revealing any of my bi feelings. Finally, after many failed relationships, I am with a bi woman that totally understands me and it is such a relief. We swing with other couples and an occasional bi single with no guilt or regrets. It is wonderful!
    R

  12. #42

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Sounds to me like you have now found someone who you can share you desires with...lucky guy!
    Understand, life is but a short Journey, people must try to experience and enjoy any, and all, of various sexual opportunities that they can, while they are able to! The lasting memories can be great!

  13. #43

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I see it as being VERY important to be out as a bisexual male.

    You can be out as a bisexual male and it's not a big deal at all.

    I prefer the term queer since it encompasses all sexuality that isn't vanilla heterosexuality and genders that aren't "man" and "woman".

    I view being out as a queer man as a good thing and I am out to my family/friends, doctor, and I have been out to bosses and co-workers and it's not a big deal at all.

    Also I'm out to whoever I date or get into a relationship with, and again it's not a big deal.

  14. #44

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Love the article.well my story is i am a married man of 14 yrs and i have been hiding my secret for all my life. It has affected my life in so many ways and i am finding it really difficult to hide it any longer from my wife. I have never been with an other man but i am finding it really hard to stop myself from thinking about it.
    I know your probably thinking what the hell am i doing but i am so afraid of loosing everything i cant bear to tell my wife as i know what would happen. It has had an effect on my marriage and its struggling at the moment but i know deep down its down to my sexuality that has it the way it is. can i go on like this? i mean i have hid it all my life why tell her now or do i risk it all and hope for the best. I am so confused myself i just don't know anymore.so the reason i am replying to this add is to come out or not as bisexual is realy every body has an individual reason and i think do what your heart tells you to do and when i find out i will let you know ......

  15. #45

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I've indentified myself as bisexual for about 10 years now. I have certain friends that know and other friends who don't. It's been easier for me to deal with since I've been in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman and I've never "dated" a man. Though I like to play around sexually with a man from time to time I've never had a desire to have a monogamous relationship with one. My wife was pretty much the same way; she experimented with other girls and enjoyed it, but never wanted to pursue a monogamous relationship with a woman.

    If anything these feelings made it harder for me to understand that I was bisexual. I felt that to truly be bisexual, I had to have an equal attraction to both sexes romantically and sexually. I thought I might be gay but the physical attraction to women was way too strong.

    I have a lot of gay and straight friends and gay friends that will occassionally get drunk and have sex with someone of the opposite sex. I don't know many bisexual people. My gay friends are supportive and understanding but most of my straight friends don't know I'm bisexual.

    I identify myself as bisexual more in terms of sensibility than sexuality. My tastes and humor are more "gay" you could say. I don't feel the urgent need to label myself as bisexual because it's obvious.

  16. #46

    Smile Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I thought the artical was interesting indeed. For all of my 30 year marriage I could never reveal that I had participated in a Bi experiance(s) before we married. My Ex would have had a royal Fit, and I would have never heard the end of the ridicule, nor would I have been allowed to share the marriage bed again. That's how bad his Homophobia is...even today.
    He never knew that I was Bi, altho he knew that for "Some strange reason" women seemed attracted to me. I usually had to play it off with something flippant, or witty.

    Now that I am not with the Ex, I can be free to be Me, and I like it that way. And No, no one else needs to know of my personal life, likes, or desires. The members of my lifestyle group knows that I am "Selectively Bi" and this is fine with them.
    Its a marvelous feeling to be able to be ones self after having to be squelched all of those years.
    Mnt Kat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  17. #47

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    That is a good article....

    I came out a couple of months ago...FINALLY!! I was in Jr High when I first felt those "goofy feelings" towards females but didnt put two and two together....I already had feelings for men....

    Well I came out and world war 3 came to the household...my whole family denied it and they still deny it....they said that stuff is gross its nasty and I dont wanna hear it!!

    If I ever got with a girl...Id be banned from any event my family does...whether its a holiday thing or whatever else we do....

    I have went out with one girl and that was when it was total war and turmoil in my life....and I was struggling with my sexuality and coming out without feeling like crap!!

    I am now comfortable with it...I have dated many men and they all turned out to be jerks....I never got any satisfaction from them and I am jaded....

    I am at the point where I am single...I want to go out with a woman and date a woman but I am battling myself.....If I go out with a woman there will be lots of problems at home....

    I dont even want to date a man right now.....

  18. #48

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    A very well thought out article. I liked that you realize and expressed that 'coming out' is such an individual issue. Of course there is no one best path that will work for all of us - and it's foolish to think that there is.

    I also liked that you point out that it is important that people do 'come out' in order to begin to shift the social conscience regarding what is normal human sexuality.

    In my own case I follow the 'need to know' path. I don't discuss any personal sexual issues with co-workers, casual acquaintances or family - so they don't need to know that I'm bisexual. I am forth coming to my wife and close friends. I feel that for me to be anything less than honest with those closest to me is both unfair to them and damaging to me.

    I believe that my words and opinions expressed to others will in some small way add to the evolving acceptance of glbt human beings. When I don't agree with bigoted anti GLBT opinion, I believe it goes toward changing that opinion . Change comes slowly to societies. Big changes are usually generational in coming. Take for example the civil rights movement here in America; when I was growing up in the 50's and 60's that was all new and radical thinking. Now as I write this we are close to the possibility of electing Barack Obama as president. I guess I think it will be something similar regarding acceptance of the glbt population. And just like with the many non-minority citizens hoping for Mr. Obama's success (raises hand!), so too as more people do see that it's safe and normal to be bisexual others will begin to accept that. It just will take some time.

    The one issue I do feel strongly about in regards to 'coming out' is the manner in which it is done. I believe that 'in your face' radicalism does more harm than good to our cause (e.g. Martin Luther King Jr. or Malcom X). The vast majority of the GLBT community are just average citizens trying to live and let live - it is they who will change how America views us. IMHO those in the gay community who stage vulgar parades and demonstrations do nothing to persuade Mr. and Ms. American that perhaps those gay people are ok after all - they in fact do just the opposite and intensify the polarization.

    Peace to all

  19. #49

    Against the tide

    Although the article does touch upon/allude to this, I wanted to post that accepting a bi identify after an exclusively gay one has its own set of issues: "You're 'going straight' now?", "You're trying to prove something!" ... the list goes on.
    Really glad I found a site where folks would get that.

  20. #50

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    good article

    Personally, I found it one of those things where I had to 'come out' to myself, as such, first. Once I did that, I started coming out to others, but if was a gradual process, mostly based on the other parties having the balls to ask first. I still mostly use this rule of thumb. If the other person should ask and present the apparent need or desire to know one way or the other, then I break-the-ice with a gentle quip like "why, are you interested?". This helps filter out the sensible people from the queer bashers, as the sensible people laugh it off and if they are really that concerned I then tell them; where as if they're a trouble-maker then the fronting them out often unnerves them enough to lose interest.

    But essentially, I only come-out to someone who actively asks first. Otherwise, I honestly don't see any gain from effectually lumbering them with such personal information that they were probably more blissfully ignorant of.

    One regret, if any, about the whole coming out situ was that I didn't come out to my parents a lot sooner than I did. Or more precisely, than my 'friend' did for me. Being outed by a third party, quite round-about unintentionally (the details are somewhat complicated to go into), wasn't nice, and caused some initial agro over trust issues and such for a while between myself and my father. My father, thanks to my mother's far more level head and side-ways way of tackling things, soon 'got over it', as such, and all was forgiven. The fact that my parents always seemed to already know, even long before I did, in that wonderfully divine way parents do, coupled with my parents beautifully accepting and general open mindedness, did help a lot. And for this I am eternally fortunate and thankful.
    But I go on a bit. The moral of this is that if there's anyone you 'should' make a point of coming out to, I feel it is your parents, before someone else does it for you. Often, they already knew anyway before you did.

    Anyone else, only should they show genuine interest in wanting to know. And then only if you know them to be sensible enough to still accept you for being the same you you were all that time up until their knowing. Any otherwise, it's none of their god-damn business who you choose to share your bed with, just as much as it isn't any of your's who they choose themselves.

    Perhaps it's just luck that of where and/or when I was born and live that has allowed me to have such a matter-o-fact, take-it-or-leave-it attitude. If that's the case, then I thank Good Lady Luck for granting me with such. But this way of tackling the coming out issue has served me well insofar, and I am perfectly at peace with myself and happy with my life. I hope that maybe this has helped others who should read my comments.
    beautifully non-discriminatory
    It's not just black and white, but many beautiful shades of gray

  21. #51

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I don't think it's fair when my sexuality would be such a big deal that it would significantly change a situation. If that's the case, I look for ways to come out so that I feel balance. I don't like to have to "conceal" a part of myself just to keep up the status quo of everyday situations.

    There are plenty of times when sexual orientation is not an issue at all, and then, who cares if people know. But if things would be noticeably different if people knew I was bi, then I want to come out, because then I feel peace within myself.

    Papelucho

  22. #52

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    A simple comment......

    Why do we, either as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgendered people, do we feel the need to "come out", as though we are hidden somewhere? Supposed "heterosexual" people don't announce to the world "we are attracted to only those of the opposite sex and we're letting you all know!"

    Geeeesh! (...slightly tongue in cheek)....can't we all just get along?


  23. #53

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I do not carry a sign on my forehead that says what my political philosophy might be. Nor, my religious preference, my sexual preference, etc. etc. you get the idea. But, if asked, I will answer truthfully to any inquiries about those things. I am also willing to discuss them in depth.

    The same goes for my sexual orientation/preference. If asked, I tell. Want to discuss it, I will. BTW. How about being omnisexual. I think that describes me much better than bisexual.
    Dirty old men need love too.

  24. #54

    Question Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I am not sure sure if I understand what this all means ? I mean I find it is hard enough feel comfortable in either a gay or hetro world when I know I am in the middle, I like it there ,I know who I am and I am at piece with that. I feel just as shund from the gay community as the normal or straight community, that seems just the way it is and has allways been. I just do not see any point in announcing my sexuality to the world , is that wrong ? am I suppose to go back to feeling bad about myself for being attracted to both male and female just because I like to keep my presonal life private ? or am i just missing something here.

  25. #55

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    [QUOTE=kinsey2;68614]I've never met a woman that wants two men at the same time. After a while of not being trusted when dating women, thus cycing back...their not trusting makes me go have 'fun' somewhere else, it just seems like most women want just one guy, but alot of guys want more than one woman. SO strange!!

    Maybe you are looking in the wrong places.

    There is a long history in most cultures of revering the penis and where and how it should be used, and the waste of the "seed of life". Many of our taboos are generated from this. This is seen throughout history.

    I wish I could remember what study I got this from you might be interested.
    Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.Dr. Seuss
    SRLadySmith

  26. #56

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I think blurting out "I'm bisexual" to a random cashier is a little unnessisary. Lol. I agree with the rest of it though. In one way I feel I need to keep it hush from certain relatives. I don't see the need to discuss it with them either right now really.
    Last edited by Lienda; Aug 16, 2008 at 11:49 PM. Reason: Mind you, I edit like hell.

  27. #57

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I have just come out as a bisexual man. Only to my family for now but in time intend to let the world know about my orientation. For years I tried to deny my attractions and hoped my feelings would go away but I finally accepted this is how I am. I really like this article as it touches on many of the things I have gone through in my path to personal acceptance. So, thank you.

  28. #58

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    i,m happy being me.

  29. #59

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    I am still trying to grasp this concept of coming, Who benefits from me coming out?

    This will not change my bisexuality, nor me as a whole, but it sure as hell create be more controversial, those who know, knows because they are in the same situation, or find accidentally.

    The less crap I have to deal with, the simpler my life will be, I am not looking for acceptation, or affirmation from friends, or Family.

    Just want to be the best me I can be, simple and non conspicuous.

  30. #60

    Re: To Come Out or Not to Come Out as Bisexual?

    Female/Bi curious

    First of all I am not a good writer. I wanted to add to the conversation. I admire a lot of people in this room.

    About me: East Indian family, from the Caribbean. My family do not accept gays. They do not even know or care what is BI/sexual.

    There are 2 Bi incident that I could remember as I looked back: When I was (4yrs old) I was molested by my cousing (girl) who was older than me.
    Second was with a girl who was my friend at 9yrs old, just playing around. No other incident or relationship with a girl/woman after.

    I have always had dreams of a woman being with me. Some times I dream of a handsome guy. I have never been confused because I did not see it as a problem in my life. I got married and have kids and still being married at the moment. I am very open with my life. My kids knows that I like the woman body and if I ever divorce I would settled down with a woman. My husband knows that at any moment I can have a woman friend. He is the one who told me that I am Bi. Growing up I never knew that there was a name for it.

    Coming back to my family in the Caribbean I told my mom one time visiting that I am gay-just to see what she would say. She nearly fainted. I meant to let her know that the world is changing and that one day I could take a woman to her and she will have to accept her. I loved the look on her face.lol.
    My husband had a gay Aunt and all the family (white Americans in the US) did not like her. I forced him to invite her to all our family get together at our house. He finally accepted her and became her good friend.

    I believe that inside of each person we can change ignorance in this world. I do not believe that because I was molested at 4yrs that I am Bi. I have no answer for that. If someone asked me if I am Bi I will say yes, if they want a reason I will tell them why also. I dont believe that I should have to tell anyone because it is not their business, but if you do want to tell, good for you. I belive that I have not yet found that right woman, maybe I will never find her, but I love all gays and Bi in the world.

    Hats off to all who makes a difference in this world.
    Love all colors.
    Last edited by belizeindian; Mar 13, 2009 at 11:50 PM. Reason: spelling

 

 

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