Register
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 64
  1. #31

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by biblkman View Post
    To daf...


    My question was why do most straight people and some gays think bisexuality is basically homosexuality, but understand completely that bisexuality is not the same as heterosexuality.

    Do you have an opinion on the question I posed or just on my frustration with being called gay when I'm bi.
    i dont agree with ur assertion that most straight people think that bisexuality is basically homosexuality.
    i think some straight people are so homophobic that they cant see the wood for the trees and foreground whats 'wrong' with you instead of whats 'right'. i understand why those guys think like that. i dont condone them making it an issue for others though.

    i think some gay people are so damaged by internalised homophobia that they feel it important for people to either be with them or against them, and since there are so many men who diss gays and yet still suck them off they are naturally suspicious and afraid of being taken for fools. also they may resent closeted gays who say they are bi, who reap the benefits of gay desire with none of the social sacrifice. i understand why those guys think like that. I dont condone them making it an issue for others either.

    i dont think its the majority, in any way. and if it is in ur life, u could stop hanging out with those people, and speaking online to those types of people. there are wankers in all parts of life..whatever sexuality. suss out the wankers and engage (with low expectations) or avoid completely.

    i read ur post basically as about why u didnt like to be assumed to be gay. (i guess ur telling me that u dont mind this now.. cool. ) i was just interested in why ur frustrations with being assumed to be straight didnt appear as angry against straights as it did against gays. thought there was something interesting in that..., thought it could add to a better answer and food for thoug.

    best

    Daf

    yeah i know labels labels, but discussing labels is essential to respond to the OP's post. if there werent labels I cant see there'd be a problem.
    Last edited by dafydd; Oct 1, 2013 at 5:18 PM.
    "I like the pole & the hole."

  2. #32

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by cuttin2dachase View Post
    For many people, everything is black and white with no gray area between. Those people, whether straight or homosexual, will never understand bisexuality. It's completely beyond their comprehension. They tend to believe that everyone must be one or the other. I am very closeted with no desire to come out, so I've never been judged by str8 heterosexuals. To them, I am an everyday, masculine hetero guy. Having been twice married, my sexual experience is 95% heterosexual. 1st wife and I were swingers and she encouraged me to try bi things with men we met for 3somes. I obliged her and I have enjoyed and sought sexual experiences with men and couples with bi men ever since. In my early bi experiences, I met several gay men, all of whom tried to convince me that I was gay and that there was no way I could enjoy and desire women sexually after the way I made love to them LOL I told them that my desire for and enjoyment of casual sex AND lovemaking with both women and men is the very essence and proof of my bisexuality. I was cursed, hounded, threatened with outing and stalked by 2 of those gay men. I have since sought only bi men (preferably married) and married couples with bi men for bi sex and lovemaking. Bi married men are definitely the best (and kinkiest) male lovers
    saying that some things are beyond some peoples comprehension is a really sad thing to say. everyone is capable of learning new things about sexuality... Its a shame that u met such shit gay men. though their comments could have just been a reaction to ur lack of modesty about how wonderful a lover you were. they might have just been trying to deflate ur ego, even tho they had to be insensitive to do it.

    Daf
    "I like the pole & the hole."

  3. #33

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd View Post
    do you mean the OP here elian?
    Oh sorry, no I'm not talking about anyone specifically, but in general that is what I think a lot gay folks think.

  4. #34

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by elian View Post
    Oh sorry, no I'm not talking about anyone specifically, but in general that is what I think a lot gay folks think.
    yeah...you've got a good point elian. i agree thats also a major factor.

    d
    "I like the pole & the hole."

  5. #35

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    When a woman sucks a cock, she's always considered hetro..when a man eats pussy, he's sometimes considered gay! It can get confusing...If you've never heard "if they lick the hole, they'll suck the pole", then where have you been?
    Klaatu barada nikto

  6. #36

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Apparently, with people who don't say that. I've never heard that before.

    I'm glad I stumbled into this chat, though. I am amazed about the self-labelled "gay" men who bash bisexuals. It was actually a woman who turned me on to sex with her and her husband that got me into this. I eat pussy and I will also suck the pole. I think that's what bisexual men do, though.

  7. #37

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Daf wrote: "Its a shame that u met such shit gay men. though their comments could have just been a reaction to ur lack of modesty about how wonderful a lover you were. they might have just been trying to deflate ur ego, even tho they had to be insensitive to do it."

    I certainly was not implying that most or all gay men are possessive and anti-bi or that I am some kind of superlover. The gay men I've been with did think of me as a good lover, but rather than accept my bisexuality, they chose to be argumentative and possessive and tell me I "used" them...when I had told them upfront that I was bisexual and not interested in anything more than non-exclusive semi-regular sex with them.

  8. #38
    Coastocoast
    Guest

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    I am so guarded with my sexuality due to my career and children that I just play off all of the talk when I hear gay/bisexual without getting involved. I think the most common "logic" that people use is that a guy having sex with a guy is "a homosexual act" so he is therefore homosexual, period. They do not look at his engaging in a heterosexual act with a women as anything more than a guy trying to fool himself into thinking he is not gay if he also has sex with men. Women can "experiment in college" and remain straight although they might be "confused" or "just experimenting" so the genders are looked at very differently. I will also agree that when I hear gay men and women refer to bisexuals it is often in a more hostile way than straight people. I am bisexual and enjoy both genders even if it confuses the average person. It is just a shame it is so difficult to find someone of either gender interested in getting together for more than hit and run when you are a single guy with custody of kids. Finding an ongoing situation is very difficult.

  9. #39

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Yeah I have a coworker who is gay (worked with gay people in the past) and I WILL NOT tell them!!!! Its almost like being the closet. I dont even know what they include bisexual people in LGBT.

  10. #40

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    For a while in the late 90's, I played guitar in a band with 5 lesbians. At the time, I was going through a very emotionally difficult time in my life and playing in the band was my escape from that. I became close friends several of my bandmates as well as some of the girls that formed my band mates' crowd of friends (all lesbians). I never came out to them as bi mainly because I was preoccupied with my own troubles and that was already a bit too distracting from focusing on playing music. While I had had interactions with LGBT folks before then, it had not been on any sort of intimate level like being in a band together. I was soon to find out ( a very rare occasion of shock for me) that it was probably a very good thing that I didn't come out to them. I came to find out that the internal politics of a small crowd of lesbians made Capitol Hill look downright pious and sane. But what really struck me, was the incredible level of intolerance amongst some of them. I was resolved once again that people are people regardless of their stripe...some are good, some aren't. A few of those women are still good friends to this day and I could probably tell them I am bi. They would probably laugh and be very happy for me, then say, "now can ya fix my guitar...it really needs a lot of work"
    On the flip side...several years later, I was in another band where my 3 other band mates were straight. One day, as we were packing up our gear, I think the discussion was about some celebrity coming out, one of my band mates interjects "If you suck a dick you're gay". The rest of us laughed at him and he repeated himself. Our female lead singer, still laughing, said, "Really?...I suppose that goes for women too?"... "Oh absolutely. If a girl licks a pussy, she's a lesbian". When that round of laughter from the 3 of us died down I said, "Lemme tell ya man, if she were still around, I have an ex wife that would be happy to get out the DeWault, drill a couple holes in your head and let all those evil spirits out." As the conversation continued, it took everything I had to resist referencing myself as that would have just poured hi octane on an already tumultuous band dynamic, but I managed. And again, I could probably come out to those folks now and they would probably laugh be happy for me and say, "now can ya fix my guitar...it really needs a lot of work"...

  11. #41

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    It seems that I'm coming at this subject from a different perspective (perhaps) than most of the people I've encountered so far on this site. I'm not sure that I have any enlightening observations other than this: the instances of bi erasure and biphobia are just as real for someone coming from the other side of the fence. Let me explain. I identified as a bisexual man and dated both men and women in my younger days, but that has been at least twenty years ago. I've been exclusively with men ever since. That is until recently, when I became reacquainted, shall we say, with my bisexuality and once again began dating women as well. My family has come to accept this gay identity and have embraced whatever male partner I happened to have at the time. However, I must say that the welcoming mat has not been so welcoming this time around. Even though I've always been just as accepting of bisexuals as of gays and lesbians, it seems that many in the lgbt community--some of my dearest friends included--are not quite as accepting. And my heterosexual family members and coworkers, who would typically stand up for me if someone were to challenge or threaten my perceived homosexuality, are not as thrilled with the thought of me dating women. I've even been told in no uncertain terms by a family member that, "I can't imagine you with a woman. It's confusing and it kinda pisses me off that you can't just make up your mind. You can't expect us to keep jumping back and forth like that." I tend to think of my sexual identity as being much more fluid than fixed, and I understand that some people might find this new identity as being something confusing, especially those who weren't part of my life before I exclusively dated men. I might also point out that many of the people on here talk about bisexuality as if everyone is 50/50 in their attractions to men and women, which has not been my experience. My favorite definition is that I identify as bisexual because I acknowledge that within me is the potential for attraction, sexually and/or romantically, to both sexes, and/or genders, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same manner and not necessarily to the same degree. Don't know if that adds to the conversation or not, but it's my two cents worth anyway.

  12. #42

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    @Biblkman. I believe it comes down to the concepts of "Herteronormativity" and "Queerness." Heteronormativity is just that: the ingrained belief that heterosexuality is the norm, and anything that doesn't fit inside that box of heteronormativity is queer. And that which doesn't reinforce the heteronormative paradigm thereby undermines or threatens people's perceived reality. Anything that is even slightly different (bisexuality included) is categorized with "The Other," because it's human nature to focus on that which makes us different as opposed to that which binds us together. Your same-sex attractions negate your heterosexual proclivities in most people's minds. Another example that I hesitate to make (because I'll probably be crucified by some for suggesting it) is that of biracial people. The majority of people view them as their minority racial heritage, because that lumps them in with the perceived threat of "The Other." It makes them part of the enemy camp. I mean, I don't hear anyone arguing that President Obama is NOT our first African American President because he's half Caucasian. Ok...maybe some of the Tea Baggers are arguing that, but consider the source.

  13. #43

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    and I might also add that the biracial comparison also works from the opposite viewpoint as well, in that biracial people are often ridiculed by the African American community for having "White Privilege." That's much the same way that bisexuals are often accused by gays and lesbians of taking advantage of their "Heteronormative Privilege."

  14. #44

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    For me, being seen as straight wins simply because I'm married to a wonderful woman. My bi-side is simply nobody's business and perhaps it is for some protection from the homo and bi-phobics. OK, it's one of the reasons... When I feel more comfortable with my bisexuality, I may come out. My issue is that I've only realized that I've been bi my whole life a couple of years ago. I'm still coming to terms with this revelation, but my wife has been extraordinarily supportive.

    I am very outspoken on such subjects such as marriage equality. For me, it is not that I'm specifically for gay rights, bi rights, women's rights, or anyone else's rights. I simply believe that everyone is entitled to the same basic rights and responsibilities as everyone else. The side effect of this belief is that I do end up standing of for all of these different group's rights. Some of us do have reasons to keep our sexuality private, but that should not stop us from speaking out and standing up for what is right. As I come to terms with my own sexuality, I can at least say that I wasn't quiet.

  15. #45

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    I completely agree - I enjoy bisex, but only on occasion and then when it happens it's great. My wife knows I am bi and we talk about it openly. The need to classify or being something that fits a definition is distasteful...

    Good on you smokindeist... must be our Oregon air :-)

  16. #46

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    "I simply believe that everyone is entitled to the same basic rights and responsibilities as everyone else."

    The right to have sex with anyone regardless of gender or marriage status.

  17. #47

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by bicpln269 View Post
    Yet most gays and lesbians both in North America and Europe, and worldwide are not out, and are married or partnered to people of the opposite gender, and totally closeted about being gay/lesbian.
    This may have some validity in your country but not North America. In my province of Ontario, we have a same sex, married lesbian as our Premier. We have several opening gay politicians and many are married at several levels of government. What we do not seem to have are politicians who state that they are bisexual. Many bisexuals do not seem to feel the need to advertise their sexuality even in countries where same sex marriage is legal and many same sex married couples exist.
    Last edited by tenni; Oct 12, 2013 at 7:59 PM.

  18. #48

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    This may have some validity in your country but not North America. In my province of Ontario, we have a same sex, married lesbian as our Premier. We have several opening gay politicians and many are married at several levels of government. What we do not seem to have are politicians who state that they are bisexual. Many bisexuals do not seem to feel the need to advertise their sexuality even in countries where same sex marriage is legal and many same sex married couples exist.
    That's great tenni, here in the US we have people such as former Sen. Larry Craig:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Craig_scandal

  19. #49

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    "I simply believe that everyone is entitled to the same basic rights and responsibilities as everyone else."

    The right to have sex with anyone regardless of gender or marriage status.
    That wasn't my exact point, but I can see where you are coming from. I meant that we are all deserving of the same rights and responsibilities. For example: why do I get a large number of benefits under the law simply because I married someone of the opposite sex? Why are we limited to just one spouse? The latter question may need some work under the law to cover multiple permanent partners. Personally, I'm not 100% sure I could handle another partner either. lol

  20. #50

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd View Post
    maybe if u allowed urself to let them think you were gay as much as you allow urself to let others think you're straight u wouldnt be so hard on them. bisexuality *is* homosexuality as much as it is heterosexuality. ur no different from a gay man that sucks cock as u are from a straight man that eats pussy. the prejudice is in you (perhaps subconsciously and hopefully not maliciously) as u are still conforming to a society that favours straights instead of gays. u shouldnt feel threatened that anyone is challenging ur bisexuality by assuming ur gay as much as im sure u dont feel threatened when someone assumes ur straight. its the internalised homophobia that is causing the major part of frustration, not the gays that accept you having a sexuality different from the norm. so what if people think ur gay. tell em once ur bisexual and leave it at that. same with straight people. in the majority of my experience gays dont despise or even distrust bisexuals, they actually think its pretty hot and are welcoming once u get past the initial novelty factor. can u say the same for the reactions of some straight people in ur life? homophobia impacts on bisexuals as well as gays so we should do everything in our power to form allegiances and understanding with our gay friends not create another part of society that complains and rejects their desire towards one gender only. i.e u u should know better. dont mean to sound patronising. its a struggle for everyone at one time or anything...but being 'frowned' on by gays is nothing to the hurt and pain caused by 'disapproving and disgusted' straight homophobes. my main point was in saying that closet bisexuals dont tend to get up in arms when people think they are straight, only when people think they are gay. why do u think this is so? i think its because of internalised homophobia. i dont think tenni that you would insist to every straight person who accepted u as straight without question, that u were a bisexual and state that they were exhibiting biphobia as u seem to suggest u would with gays. best Daf
    I agree with what you wrote. I also have noticed that most gay men I have been friends with and met are not biphobic and do not despise or distrust us bisexuals. I have noticed that people who are deeply closeted or ashamed of their sexuality have the professional victim attitude of "My sexuality is nobody's business but my own" but are perfectly OK with people even their partners/spouses, close friends, and family members thinking that they're heterosexual and a lot of this has to do with internalized homophobia or in their case internalized biphobia.
    Quote Originally Posted by Swirl View Post
    John Travolta. Notice how everyone insists that he come out as "gay"? Many folk simply can't even contemplate bisexuality.
    That's because Revolta is gay and deeply closeted, but this has been know about him for decades. Pretty much all men and a lot of women in Hollywood who are involved in the cult of Scientology are closeted gays and lesbians including Will and Jada Smith, and others.

  21. #51

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    I had a friend tell me to just pick a team and quit being greedy. Most people just do not understand.

  22. #52

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Being bi is very misunderstood. Most people think that if you have sex with a member of the same sex, then you are gay.

  23. #53

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondDog
    I agree with what you wrote. I also have noticed that most gay men I have been friends with and met are not biphobic and do not despise or distrust us bisexuals. I have noticed that people who are deeply closeted or ashamed of their sexuality have the professional victim attitude of "My sexuality is nobody's business but my own" but are perfectly OK with people even their partners/spouses, close friends, and family members thinking that they're heterosexual and a lot of this has to do with internalized homophobia or in their case internalized biphobia
    .
    Come along now lovely Diamond! I'm sure nobody is accusing those MOST gays who are not biphobic of being biphobic.
    Just the ones who actually ARE biphobic.
    As you know (or can guess) most bisexual or bicurious men 'come out' to gay men first coz that's where the m-m sex is at. And when those minority of gays try to wedge them into another closet, it doesn't give them much ambition to 'come out' of the one they are actually in to the whole world.
    Yes it's silly to expect ALL gay-kind to be ambassadors of sexual acceptance, but most do and it's a slap across the face when they turn out to be complete bigots.

    Most closeted bi's don't mind being mistaken for hetero coz they are in the closet and haven't disclosed their true sexuality. They DO mind being told that they are gay when they DO disclose their true sexuality.
    Nothing to do with homophobia, internalised or externalised! Just annoyance of biphobia.

  24. #54

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Well, this is a long thread, and I guess I'll make it a bit longer. There is no question that peoples ideas about sexuality are strange and screwed up. That said, I think there is some experiential basis for a lot of gender ideas. For instance, "bisexual women are just confused, bisexual men are gay." Actually, studies show that women's sexual preference is highly conditional on personality, emotion, security and context, and so it's not uncommon for women to have a husband, get divorced, move in with a woman, move out, hook up with a man, etc. Their preference changes more with the situations in their lives than for men. It's unusual for a man to get divorced, have a relationship with a guy, and then go back to a woman. I've met quite a few men who got involved, or re-involved with men at a later age, and now consider themselves homosexual. I think that's more unusual for women to close the door on men.

  25. #55

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Hello biblkman,

    I feel the same way you do. Being Bi is not the same as being Gay. It's easy for me to see and understand the difference. I'm also not out to anyone exce occurpt my wife and the folks I play with. Actually, I don't see any advantage to coming out to my family and friends. It's not just that this is none of their business. I expect there would be to many questions, unwanted judgements a troublesome misunderstandings. Where is the upside? In general, my straight people don't discuss sex much at all, except if there's some problem, like an affair or an indiscretion. However, with my Bi/Gay friends, sex is openly talked about, personally shared and allowed to occur. And frankly that openness is prefered and enjoyed by me.

    The typical hetero social groups tend to be living without much of a sexual vocabulary. I think Swingers are the only group where straights and bisexuals observe each other and have real a need share and discuss sex. I've seen a number of straight men admit to their curiosities, but not ever try any m2m activity, but they go on to accept and have a good time being physcially right next to some m2m sexual behavior.

    We are in the mists of sexual revolution/evolution (of sorts) and the problems we object to now are very likely to erode and go away.
    ie, LGBTQ............

  26. #56

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    Some people have tunnel vision: They only see the homosexual side of bisexuality and as if the heterosexual side doesn't exist. Tell them that you're about opposite sex stuff and it confuses them because of the usual black and white thinking - if you're not 100% straight, you have to be 100% gay... because nothing else makes sense to them. Maybe it's a lack of education; maybe it's just parrotted ignorance that's been handed down from generation to generation; maybe it's just a thing that people are going to believe whatever they want to believe and no matter how you prove to them that what they believe is wrong and sometimes people can be contrary like this because they can't get their heads around the fact that everything they thought they knew is, in fact, wrong - and they can't admit that they have it all wrong.

    There are three things that are never to be discussed: Religion, politics, and sex. So imagine trying to explain bisexuality to someone and they have their hands over their ears - they can't hear it because they're not supposed to hear it and it's still such a forbidden subject that people who have sex with each other regularly can't talk to each other about the sex they're having, let alone any other aspect. Here in 2019, there are still people who believe that sex is for procreation only.

    Just some examples of how, even in this day and age, how ignorant we are about such things.

  27. #57

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    US vs them, we and they, them and us, anti and pro, for and against..... its our own thinking, we often do not allow a middle ground either, black or white, dem or rep, male or female......its simplistic and its easy to have one or the other because the moment you add in another variable, things get complicated.......

    the moment we say its lack of understanding and knowledge, then the same becomes true of us when we only see people in terms of for or against us, never sitting on the fence and seeing both sides equally......

    one of the best situations I read about, was a female porn star who said, I may fuck male sand females for a job but my partner makes love to me, it confuses my critics because they may not know the difference between fucking and love making, I feel sorry for them... and their partners...... and yes I have made love to my partner in front of the camera, people view it as just another fuck flick because they only see porn star labels....

    maybe its simply a case of people not seeing a middle ground, just like we often do not
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  28. #58

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    One day bisexuality will be the norm. Sex and relationships with the same or opposite sex won't even warrant gossip around the water cooler at work. Dreams are free :P

  29. #59

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    How hard is it to separate bisexuality from homosexuality? I can only speak for myself, it boils down to this... Homosexuality is when our primary sexual and emotional interest is for members of our own sex. Heterosexuality is when our primary sexual and emotional interest is for members of the opposite sex. Bisexuality is when we have an additional sexual interest beside our overall preference. My primary sexual preference is for women. For me they are the whole emotional, physical and spiritual package. I have additional sexual interest in men but I would never consider a relationship with a man. For me sex with men is all about the sex. Period. Then there are all the various shades of grey in between... If you're like me then your primary interest is women with a sexual interest in men on the side so that makes me bisexual/leaning heterosexual. If your primary interest is men with a sexual interest in women on the side so that makes you bisexual/leaning homosexual. In short its a muddled and complicated mess but its the existence of secondary interest that separates us from strictly straight or gay. Personally I believe if we weren't so hung up on the duality of sex, more people would self identify as bisexual than gay.
    Last edited by grover; Sep 21, 2019 at 7:21 AM.

  30. #60

    Re: how hard is it to seperate bisexuality with homosexuality, come on!

    We - bisexuals - know the difference; to us, it's like, "Duh... what rock have y'all been living under?" Humans are confrontational and tribal by nature: If you're not like us, you're against us... and we don't care if you explain what you are... because you're not like us, so you're lying and those who are like us are right. If you're not straight, you're gay... and that's that.

    Stupid. Ignorant. In more denial than any bisexual who ever lived. Can't handle the truth. The question for us is should we try to explain some facts of life to those people who doesn't know the difference... or should we let them flounder in their ignorance while we try to be the best bisexuals we can be and keep our own houses in good working order?

 

 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Back to Top