What happened to friendship?

[jmpstrxxx]

Hello all - I have to ask, what happened to friendship. Granted, I understand this and others are adult sites and everyone wants to have sex, but sex with friends seems more fun. I am a 54yo male who is bisexual, heavier and has ED. I?m a bottom and can still get moderately erect and still cum, so the ED shouldn?t be an issue except for other bottoms. However, you might as well say I have the Bubonic Plague. We maintain profiles on a few sites and get a decent amount of traffic because of my wife. We?ve grown tired of the one and done. It can leave a couple feeling used, which is never a good thing. We?ve had our share of one night stands, but have agreed that if we can?t be friends, then we don?t want to be intimate. Why is it so difficult to find ?actual? friends in the adult lifestyle. Granted many are trying to keep their bisexual side very private, but even when you are discreet it?s still so hard to find friendship. It would be so nice to have a bisexual friend who could handle weekend getaways, but it seems like that doesn?t exist or else they live 500+ miles away. Just curious what opinions others have?

thanks

[KDaddy23]

When my now ex and I opened up our marriage, we had a circle of friends that the two of us would have sex with and they were our friends before the fact... and it was good and familiar and gave us all something else in common to boost our friendship. Some of those men and women were secretly bisexual but, with us, they didn't have to hide it since we were both bisexual as well. We'd have individual one-night stands when interested but they weren't as satisfying as when a couple in our circle wanted to drop by, socialize with us and even have sex.

That was years ago now. Today, things have changed in this aspect and lifestyle where one and done is the rule. I've felt that some couples are really paranoid about getting too close to another couple and their fear of loss in their relationship is great - but I could be wrong about that except I've seen couples who we could have been great friends with decline to do so because they had to protect their relationship first and foremost. Still, it's not impossible to cultivate such a friendship... but it is difficult. You get tired of the "one and done" group who's only interested in getting in your lady's panties more than enjoying a real group experience so, yeah, a couple you can be friends with and be very open with just works... if you can find them.

[cornholejoe]

i used to have some friends like that we would have some great sex but would also have cookouts and go to dragraces and nascar races but covid has changed all that for now

[Jozyxt]

I am very interested in finding a male friend with whom i can also share cocksucking. But it seems hard enough to find a man that is compatible for mutual sucking. Much less friendship. The men I meet seem to have a specific roles in mind and want to top from the bottom. Which can be OK when starting getting into bi sex. But ultimately I am not interested in men, only cock and don't really get into being a top. I just want some pleasant mutual cock sucking time.

[Jaxxx]

JozyxtI, I hear you. When I was young, I had someone who I had long been friends with and we discovered the joys of cock play together. The typical jerking of together, leading to jerking each other and eventually oral. It went on for most of my secondary school days. It was all very relaxed and natural. I never felt uncomfortable or gay. I was very much interested in females, but they weren't interested in me yet. When I was a senior, he went off to his first semester of college. When he came back for break, he proudly told me that he decided that he was gay and wanted to do more. I topped and bottomed enough times to realize that I did not like either. About the same time, started getting lots of female attention. With that and the fact that AIDS was starting to kill people left and right, I did whet many guys who played young in my generation did. I pretended to myself that itr had never happened and moved on with a very fulfilling hetero life.

Thirty years later, the desirers came back. After learning that there was nothing wrong with what I had done in the past, I started looking for a friend like I had once had. Thing is, no matter how up front I am that I am only interested in stroking, sucking and frotting, I usually end up tried to persuade me to top. It does nothing for me. I had learned back in the day that I am definitely not a bottom. Every time someone had agreed, tried to get me to top them after we got together. So, never been able to make a friend. Everyone on the sites that is like me are way to far away.

[jmpstrxxx]

Thank you all for the insight. After seeing your input and reading some of the bisexual blog posts on SLS, I think it’s an ask too much to have friends who are also lifestyle friends. Would be nice if it were possible��. We’re finally on the verge of being empty nesters and the career has been good so we’re in that sweet spot where almost all in life is good. Albeit I suffer ED, so I still beat that awful curse, but will opt for an implant in the next year. Again, thanks for your input, it’s alway good to hear the opinions of others. Hope everyone can enjoy the holiday weekend.

[nu2curious]

JozyxtI, I hear you. When I was young, I had someone who I had long been friends with and we discovered the joys of cock play together. The typical jerking of together, leading to jerking each other and eventually oral. It went on for most of my secondary school days. It was all very relaxed and natural. I never felt uncomfortable or gay. I was very much interested in females, but they weren't interested in me yet. When I was a senior, he went off to his first semester of college. When he came back for break, he proudly told me that he decided that he was gay and wanted to do more. I topped and bottomed enough times to realize that I did not like either. About the same time, started getting lots of female attention. With that and the fact that AIDS was starting to kill people left and right, I did whet many guys who played young in my generation did. I pretended to myself that itr had never happened and moved on with a very fulfilling hetero life.

Thirty years later, the desirers came back. After learning that there was nothing wrong with what I had done in the past, I started looking for a friend like I had once had. Thing is, no matter how up front I am that I am only interested in stroking, sucking and frotting, I usually end up tried to persuade me to top. It does nothing for me. I had learned back in the day that I am definitely not a bottom. Every time someone had agreed, tried to get me to top them after we got together. So, never been able to make a friend. Everyone on the sites that is like me are way to far away.

Well said ! I have the same view thinking friendship holds the key to success. Only one thing to add and that's the issue of hygiene and personal care , I'm a very clean person and expect the same. Definitely on the same page my friend .

[Modude]

Hello all - I have to ask, what happened to friendship. Granted, I understand this and others are adult sites and everyone wants to have sex, but sex with friends seems more fun. I am a 54yo male who is bisexual, heavier and has ED. I?m a bottom and can still get moderately erect and still cum, so the ED shouldn?t be an issue except for other bottoms. However, you might as well say I have the Bubonic Plague. We maintain profiles on a few sites and get a decent amount of traffic because of my wife. We?ve grown tired of the one and done. It can leave a couple feeling used, which is never a good thing. We?ve had our share of one night stands, but have agreed that if we can?t be friends, then we don?t want to be intimate. Why is it so difficult to find ?actual? friends in the adult lifestyle. Granted many are trying to keep their bisexual side very private, but even when you are discreet it?s still so hard to find friendship. It would be so nice to have a bisexual friend who could handle weekend getaways, but it seems like that doesn?t exist or else they live 500+ miles away. Just curious what opinions others have?

thanks

Your experience with the lifestyle is exactly why we left it, the term "friends" is used a lot but most of the time with the relationship you have with other couples being based on sex, it's not going to last long enough for real friendship to form.
We eventually thought that ok, if we could have just ONE couple that we could get together with and have fun in and out of the bedroom, that's all we would want. And we thought we had found that couple and continued to play with them exclusively for 3-4 years but that eventually came to an end as well. I'm not sure you can have a long term friendship with another couple once you add sex to the mix, not saying that it can't happen but as it was said in one of the other posts, it's going to be .......difficult....

[KDaddy23]

I grew up with my male friends and I having mad crazy sex with each other; it was comfortable and very familiar and I'd later learn that it's always better the devil you know than the one you don't... but sometimes, the one you don't can be quite the pleasant surprise. I grew up where and when there wasn't much fear about it other than being singled out as being gay and maybe bullied or harassed behind someone's stupidity. In the 1980s, HIV came a long and made dudes cautious about who's dick they were getting and for good reason but I still had a "circle" of male friends who were all nice and healthy and not of a mind to stop having sex with each other as well as, again, being in the lifestyle with those close friends who weren't afraid or ashamed to put their bisexuality on display or, in many cases, discover that it's a great way to have sex if nothing else.

But people just got weird about it; my experiences showed that in a couples setting, too many guys would be scared shitless to know that there was someone else there who might be interested in their dick and that someone wasn't female; the swinging lifestyle had (and maybe still does) a standing prejudice against bisexual men and to the point where bi guys would lie and say they're straight just to be able to get in on the swinging action and sometimes a bi guy would get outed on the various sites - like SLS - and their chances of being able to play - let alone make some lasting friends in this - are slim and none. It's a pretty fucked up situation but it is what it is. It's still not impossible to cultivate such friendships - it's just hard to do and so hard that it's more of a bother than anything else.

[Modude]

I grew up with my male friends and I having mad crazy sex with each other; it was comfortable and very familiar and I'd later learn that it's always better the devil you know than the one you don't... but sometimes, the one you don't can be quite the pleasant surprise. I grew up where and when there wasn't much fear about it other than being singled out as being gay and maybe bullied or harassed behind someone's stupidity. In the 1980s, HIV came a long and made dudes cautious about who's dick they were getting and for good reason but I still had a "circle" of male friends who were all nice and healthy and not of a mind to stop having sex with each other as well as, again, being in the lifestyle with those close friends who weren't afraid or ashamed to put their bisexuality on display or, in many cases, discover that it's a great way to have sex if nothing else.

But people just got weird about it; my experiences showed that in a couples setting, too many guys would be scared shitless to know that there was someone else there who might be interested in their dick and that someone wasn't female; the swinging lifestyle had (and maybe still does) a standing prejudice against bisexual men and to the point where bi guys would lie and say they're straight just to be able to get in on the swinging action and sometimes a bi guy would get outed on the various sites - like SLS - and their chances of being able to play - let alone make some lasting friends in this - are slim and none. It's a pretty fucked up situation but it is what it is. It's still not impossible to cultivate such friendships - it's just hard to do and so hard that it's more of a bother than anything else.

Yeah, if you want to have little to ZERO interest in your profile on one of the lifestyle sites, just list yourself as bi curious or bi.
With women the opposite is true but most guys ( like 99.5 % ) want nothing to do with a couple where the guy is even bi curious.
I listed myself as bi curious and my wife listed herself as bi......number of profile hits=0 , switched my listing to straight= we started having interest in our profile......

[Jozyxt]

Thing is, no matter how up front I am that I am only interested in stroking, sucking and frotting, I usually end up tried to persuade me to top.

That is a big problem. All these bottom guys want to direct a scenario. I don't get anything from that kind of role playing. I don't want to hump between their ass cheeks. I don't want them to hump on my belly. Etc. And while I'll accept rimming or a finger inside and may recip, I don't do anal. I am not a top and not a bottom. I am just a horny guy that likes a bit of mutual cock play better than masturbating alone.

[Calismooth]

I absolutely agree with you. It would be nice to find someone who can be a great friend, who also enjoys cock play and being comfortable around each other. I enjoy nudity and relaxing with another man or two especially in a hot tub or pool. Or sitting on the couch having a nice drink.

I am very interested in finding a male friend with whom i can also share cocksucking. But it seems hard enough to find a man that is compatible for mutual sucking. Much less friendship. The men I meet seem to have a specific roles in mind and want to top from the bottom. Which can be OK when starting getting into bi sex. But ultimately I am not interested in men, only cock and don't really get into being a top. I just want some pleasant mutual cock sucking time.

[KDaddy23]

Methinks that to find such a friend requires a great deal of work and patience. With the disease card being waved all over the place, a lot of guys are very leery to engage even though many of them are also looking for that one friend as well. Guys get all flaky for some reason and chances are that you're going to fail a lot before you eventually succeed and you can't be put off by any failures and keep at it. With Covid still running around all over the place, the search for that one special friend becomes even harder and means a lot more patience is required.

[rascal2014]

I too would like to find a friend near Uniontown PA. I'm bisexual and like to find a couple to get to know and be friends with. I'm not one to jump into bed quickly and most just want a quick sex session. I can do that too but prefer to get to know someone first. Thanks.

[Jozyxt]

I absolutely agree with you. It would be nice to find someone who can be a great friend, who also enjoys cock play and being comfortable around each other. I enjoy nudity and relaxing with another man or two especially in a hot tub or pool. Or sitting on the couch having a nice drink.

'
Those would be nice. In my case being married. Tiem together would be limited except perhaps on camping trips. It would just be fun to be able to talk about MM sex and new variations on MM sex with a friend. Then do it.

[SilkyHoseLover]

Some of the very few people I've had sex without outside of my marriage have become friends (There were a couple of one-timers that I didn't see again.) and I prefer it that way! Conversely, I've never had sex with someone who was a friend first. I'd be open to that, and would hope that it didn't interfere with our existing friendship, as can happen.

My wife and I had lunch yesterday with the one person I've shared intimacy more than anyone with aside from her. She knows him and has also played with us in a threesome. But this was simply a Happy New Year lunch - no sex. We don't have a lot of friends, and tend to minimize our socializing during this covid idiocy. Good friends can make good bedfellows! Strange ones can be even better!

[ClassicPaCpl]

We prefer the FWB ourselves.. Not into the fuck and run types.. We are lucky that we have 1 friend who is BI and we spend our sexy time with.. we keep it discrete and simple and love it that way

[KDaddy23]

"I listed myself as bi curious and my wife listed herself as bi......number of profile hits=0 , switched my listing to straight= we started having interest in our profile....."

Yep, I know exactly what you mean since I've seen it myself. It stinks and, worse, the lifestyle doesn't like liars - or it says it doesn't - but for a lot of bi guys to be in the lifestyle, this lie has to be told; otherwise, zero profile hits.

[Rest85]

I see your point, jmpstrxxx. I am in the closet about my love of sucking cock so none of my male friends know, and actually I would not be turned on to suck any of them. I do admit that I like being in the sub, no recip role as I am also afflicted with ED...and I just simply am aroused by being an oral sub.

All that said, I would like to start a sexual relationship as outline above with a guy then have it evolve into a true friendship with him and me being the only ones privy to our oral pleasures. I would like for him to join me and my gf for activities, having a beer or two, watching movies, etc., so we could have our secret fun at opportune times without having to do all the searching and risk taking of hooking up with guys I don't really know. It would be ideal if he had a girl so we could make the friendship a foursome with neither of the ladies knowing what goes on between him and me in private.

This may not be the exact sort of thing you are looking for but that would be my ideal.