What Being Bisexual Means

I occasionally read the threads on here and almost every single on about fucking ass or sucking cock as if that is what being bisexual is all about. If I want that I'll go to a gay website.
What about being bisexual?
What does it mean psychologically and spiritually to desire both men and women?
How is being sexually different than straight or gay effect your life, your mind, your relationships?
How is it being a man and yet wanting to be taken?
How does that affect your masculinity or for that matter, femininity, how you view yourself?

There is so much more to being bisexual than liking pussy and cock. Do any of you ever address these issues in your own life? In many primitive cultures being bisexual, transgender, gay, epileptic were signs the "gods" had touched you. So many bisexuals became shaman or priests.

How do you feel being bisexual has touched you and made you different?

For me being bisexual is just all about sex, I don't get an emotional bond with men that I do with women. I am so "in the closet" that I won't hook up with anyone in my area for fear of being found out. There have only been a couple of guys that I have had repeats with. It's just a meet and fuck then leave.

I occasionally read the threads on here and almost every single on about fucking ass or sucking cock as if that is what being bisexual is all about. If I want that I'll go to a gay website.
What about being bisexual?


We're all different and I've long known that I'm not like others in many ways. I don't attempt to categorize myself, or others; we are who we are. I can say that I've known I was bisexual, since long before I knew there was a word for it. My 1st and 2nd sexual experiences (non-orgasmic) were with both genders, at an very early age. I am presently in a relationship with a bisexual lady and a bisexual male. We are romantic, but not involved together...for now, anyway. I have had two LTR relationships with married couples. Most arrangements have been one-on-one, though.


What does it mean psychologically and spiritually to desire both men and women?

Since, I am only interested in being in relationships with those I care for and trust (before sex occurs) I really can't differentiate between the two genders. Opportunities have been more forthcoming with the ladies, but I've feel pretty much the same with both, spiritually. Psychologically?.....other than a brief period in my youth, I've felt OK with who I was/am, but always knew there will always be friends and family, who would be aghast if they'd known. So, My private life has remained closely guarded and private; other than my partners, why should anyone else need to know?

How is being sexually different than straight or gay effect your life, your mind, your relationships?

I can say, as a bisexual, it's afforded me a greater variety of experiences and each gender has had their attractive gender-specific aspects, for me. In one way, they have been similar, since I've never wanted a one night stand, sex with strangers, or any sort of contact with a person I don't know well, feel compatible with, or share mutual interests with. I've actually had more success with the male relationships, with only one failure. However, I have had 3 failed marriages, none of which were related to my bisexuality.

How is it being a man and yet wanting to be taken?

With me, it's about being versatile....to give as good as I get. I've never been a big fan of being on the receiving end of anal sex, but have enjoyed being the top with approximately half of my male lovers/partners. However, during LTRs with males I cared deeply about, or loved, I have bottomed for them. My goals have always been to please my partners, as well as possible. That may be one reason I have always preferred male partners with below-average endowments.

How does that affect your masculinity or for that matter, femininity, how you view yourself?

Since I've been bisexual as long as I can remember, I don't remember doubting my masculinity. I've never felt feminine, nor have I ever wanted to be. I have had a couple of male lovers, who had some feminine traits. I was OK with that.

There is so much more to being bisexual than liking pussy and cock. Do any of you ever address these issues in your own life?

I admit to having superficial attractions, that generate an interest to meet someone, but, for me their personality, character and compatibility, always determines if a relationship can be built. Looks, alone, have never sealed a deal for me. I've actually had relationships with persons I cared deeply about and, in a case, or two, the sex was lackluster, but their traits still made it worth while. I'd say that the sex was a secondary concern.

In many primitive cultures being bisexual, transgender, gay, epileptic were signs the "gods" had touched you. So many bisexuals became shaman or priests.

You're right! The ancient Romans, Greeks, and others, felt bisexuality was just as normal as breathing. There used to be a bisexual American Indian lady, who frequented this site, who said they always thought bisexual people in her tribe were considered special and often sought-out for their advice. She had long been a mentor of gay and bisexual, tribal members.

My avatar, was given me by a History scholar, who was a member here. He said it was a depiction of an ancient Egyptian god, so, liking hieroglyphics, I took it for my own.

How do you feel being bisexual has touched you and made you different?

I've long thought I was different from most I've known. As I said in the beginning, I've always known we're all different and that few of us have the same interests, motivations, or goals. But, it does not change how we function, did our jobs, lived our lives, or served our country.

What does it mean psychologically and spiritually to desire both men and women?
For me, it was confusion. I did not know the bisexual concept back in the day. There were no websites or even people to talk with. When I spoke to a gay man I realized that he did not want to be with a woman and I knew that was not me.

How is it being a man and yet wanting to be taken?
Not all men (bi or gay) want to be taken anally. There are non penetration activities that you can get in to without penetration.

My bisexuality involves both physical and emotional attraction to both CIS genders only. (not pansexual)

I agree with you about being bisexual is more that liking physical genitals. Heterosexual women can be turned off about bi men but less and less as society changes. How does a guy interact with another guy? Some follow the gay route and a lot of bisexual men stick to the statement about only being interested only in emotional involvement with women not men(It is all about the dick for them). I look at such men as not fully in touch with their bisexuality but I could be wrong.

to me its just about sex i like men and women both

alot of us think this website is going down, but then some people put up some thoughtfull posts like these which shows this website might not be so bad off as we make it out. really u guys put alot of thought & effort into responding here. i know we could use stuff like live chat & maybe a dating feature that works. personally i would love to see more women here to balance things out. but the spirit of keeping things togather & supporting each other is here!
so i guess i should write about what bisexual means to me now lol. to me it's a kind of sexual openess. a willingness to go beyond assumptions, beyond what society has told us is not allowed. a unique way to examine sexuality & the sexes, even urself. a desire to find others with that certain openess, those who understand, those who can go on a unique journey with u farther than alot of people could imagine, or even feel comfortable with. maybe something resembling pure sex.

Not sure what being bi means to me, but I do like who I am and what I enjoy doing...

I met a divorced guy who came out. Nice guy, we had some fun. Turned out we had too many friends in common and decided to stop seeing one another. We did have some long chats over beer. He felt I was pansexual, rather than bisexual. Not sure what the dividing line is, but I enjoy women, men and especially couples. I was a straight kid, jerked off constantly, at least since I was 10 or 11. Italian Catholic upbringing, so sex was "dirty" and consequently, I became very sex driven. I remember at one point asking a friend if I could suck his dick and he freaked out. Ironically, another best fried turned out gay.

I asked the wrong friend !! lol. I played with friends that were basically straight jocks. We shared homework at my friends house, and then we had more time to watch porn, jerk off and read his dad's screw magazines. One day me and Mike were alone and while watching a woman suck a cock we decided it would be okay for us to try doing that to one another "because it had to be awesome"..which it was.

That summer we sucked one another off and eventually started fucking in his parents bed, using his moms vibrators and dildos on one another. We were both "straight", with girlfriends, but this was an added dimension we loved too much to not enjoy !! We never knew what bisexual meant or that that word actually existed. Only years later, when I was watching bi porn I realized you could combine men and woman in bed !! Holy shit, this was a revelation. I then sucked a cock in that booth glory hole and never looked back. I realized I loved MFM maybe even a little more than male or female only sex !! The possibilities !! Fucking a woman while we sucked a dick !?! Getting fucked in my ass while fucking a woman in her ass or pussy ?!?!
The possibilities multiply beyond my mind's wildest fantasies!

Later-on, I had a girlfriend with whom I enjoyed MFM play for awhile. She wanted two men, and got off on watching me suck cock, helping me, talking dirty in my ear as she pushed my head down on a cock...wow... From 18 to 28 I worked on cruise ships and met men, women and couples and have been comfortably bi/pansexual/ or whatever I am. While I am out to few people, I am comfortable with who I am and have fun being that.

What does being bisexual mean? there is the dictionary definition, but we all know that the definition is really a technical term used to label anyone who feels an expected or unexpected sexual urge toward men or women. but I find bisexuality to be more about the bigger picture of self identity with or without the sexual urges. you do not have to have any urge, but may find that the sexual urge is secondary to the emotional connection you can have with either gender or sex. it is not always about the act of sex.

What does being bisexual mean to me ? thats a bloody hard question........

A friend put it best: It means that I can see the world through different eyes, experience different things, feelings, emotions, desires, I can understand as a straight person, gay person, sexuality undefined person, bi person, pansexual, asexual person depending on my state of mind at the time... and realise that we are not really that much different. whom we are attracted to, may help us to define our sexuality. We can argue that other people do not understand yet they may understand in a way that we can not relate to

I may not see just a cock or a pussy or an ass, I may see a whole person, part of a person, I may not even see the person, just experience the desire, the interest, the passion....

I can experience many different types of sex, positions, situations, choices... I will be attracted to people as lovers, hook ups, long term partners, FWB or maybe not at all or just as friends

I am fluid and ever changing but we do that as we grow up and older, what part of that is bisexuality and what part is experience and knowledge, I do not know but I am 100% sure of two things.
1) It is easy to say that other people are bisexual or not bisexual or not bisexual enough but bisexuality is such a broad spectrum that its impossible to say what is bisexual enough.
2) I have no mirror images of myself as a non bisexual to compare myself against and say this is the differences between bisexual me and non bisexual me.....


If being touched by bisexuality is being touched by the gods, they either had too much ambrosia to drink, have a twisted sense of humour or they decided I needed a challenge in my life but but some how they managed to bless me, curse me, give me paradise, sentence me to eternal torment but they had the good sense to make other people the same way so I am not the only poor soul on this earth to be touched and not just by the gods ( evil grin ... adjusts halo )



PS many years ago in this site, I made the statement about being true bisexual or equally attracted to males and females equally..... it was never intended to imply that others were inferior because of their attraction types and levels, it was an attempt at finding a way to define my bisexuality differences to people that may have an emotional and sexual attraction to one gender and a sexual attraction only to the sex organs of another...
Then I listened to jordan petersen talking on yo tube and he was talking about how he was not fighting against using the correct pro nouns to address people but the change in law to force people to use the correct pro nouns that each individual person wanted to be addressed by such as Zhim, Zher, Zthey etc..... apparently there is now 72+ different gender and sexuality labels and definitions that can be used........ignore the fact that he was immediately slammed as transphobic and accused of not respecting trans people and people that chose their own gender definition......

I sat in my chair quietly...... and then said if I fuck somebody that appears to be female or male but actually sees themselves as gender neutral or gender undefined or gender queer or non gender or non binary or...... you get the point...... does that affect our own bisexual label and does that mean that we are actually lying if we say we are bisexual but attracted to more than male or female bodies, because the other person does not id as male or female ??????

In that single brain meltingly annoying, pain in the ass, throw a giant fucking spanner in the works ...... I came up with the most profound and heaven shakingly amazing statement about defining bisexuality under those circumstances.... and that statement was : fuck this, I am making coffee.........

so I am going to read the question once more :What does being bisexual mean to me ? I have no fucking idea, who wants coffee

i know it kinda misses ur point but forgive me, juvenile me can't resist...who wants coffee? more like who wants sex! :tongue::oh::impleased

lol I would say who wants sex but I need coffee to jump start the body, its like viagra on a budget but works for the whole body.

Interesting answers. For me, I spent my jr. high and high school (1960s and early 1970s) years being beaten to a pulp for supposedly being gay. Hell I was pretty sheltered by a smothering mother. I had no idea what being gay meant other than it wasn't something you wanted to be. Because I was the school punching bag I never dated in school. When I went in the military on my first liberty on my way to Gitmo I went to a massage parlor and lost my virginity. I loved and still do love sex with women. Still I had to know so at one point I went to an adult movie theater and let myself get picked up by a man. We had sex and I throughly enjoyed myself. I was at an impasse in that all I had ever heard of was straight and gay yet having had sex with both, I enjoyed each. I had never heard of bisexual. I talked to my best friend (a man I trusted and suspect was gay himself) and he explained bisexuality to me. From then on until I married, unless I was dating someone I played the field. I couldn't see what the big deal was. Both were enjoyable and nobody was being hurt. What I have learned both from the abuse I suffered from the jocks and bullies, and my experience as a bisexual was a deep compassion for all beings and more of an understanding of what it was like being a woman and being taken. How it felt to be submissive to your partner's desires. It also taught me how to be a better lover but mostly what it has taught me is the complexity and richness of human sexuality. No other animal except for the Bonobo has a sexual life anything like ours. Experiencing and learning these things has deeply enriched my sexual, psychological and spiritual life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I suspect that if we weren't as a society so hung up on duality and given more than two sexual choices, straight or gay, more people would self identify as bisexual than gay.

What does it mean psychologically and spiritually to desire both men and women?
*I love being bi and celebrate it as a gift,
How is being sexually different than straight or gay effect your life, your mind, your relationships?
* I have mostly emotional needs from women and mostly sexual needs from men. Having these needs from more than one gender took me quite a while as in decades to figure out a way to have both needs met at the same time. There is a bit of a parallel straight gay universe that I step back and forth into but its been a blast.
How is it being a man and yet wanting to be taken? '
* I am bigender so my inner girl likes that submissive aspect.
How does that affect your masculinity or for that matter, femininity, how you view yourself?
*My gender identity that is how masculine , feminine or androgynous I feel on any given day runs independently of my gender attraction. I tend to be attracted to men on the more feminine side and women on the more masculine side but in the end the entire gender spectrum is attractive to me,

There is so much more to being bisexual than liking pussy and cock. Do any of you ever address these issues in your own life?
* I dont look at myself as anything special but I do think its is incredible to be able to celebrate my sexuality with any gender I want, mastering a bisexual life I also think requires a level of selfawreness . I have spent time guest lecturing to college human sexuality classes about non binary gender and bisexuality and it was incredibly rewarding.

In many primitive cultures being bisexual, transgender, gay, epileptic were signs the "gods" had touched you. So many bisexuals became shaman or priests.

How do you feel being bisexual has touched you and made you different?
*As I said above my bisexuality has been an incredible gift , I embrace the diversity . It is only outside society that makes it a challenge. At 64 years old I find myself sexualy satisfied for the first time in my life and it feels great.

Mark R,.

This is a great thread, I have been bi since collage which is where I met my wife of 33 years. Most of those years both she and I hid our bisexual secrets until a New Year’s Eve party when a game forced us to confess our secret lives. Now we share our bisexual friends and life is good for us. Sex is now more exciting and open when someone doesn’t have to hide what the other is doing. All those years and I never imagined her desire for women and she didn’t know I loved cock, now we share our sexual partners and she gets plenty of cock and I get more pussy than I could ever imagine.

Some excellent replies. Keep them coming.

To me bisexuality is normal. My first sexual act was to masturbate with a friend. My second was being sucked by a male, the third was sucking another male, and so on until I had sex with women. Ever since, the idea of having sex with a male or female did not matter. I got hard at the thought of doing either. I talked to a friend who was a psychologist, and he said in the absence of the opposite sex, both males and females would become bi. It said it was also common in most animals. He might of been some what biased since he was trying to convince me to go to bed with me.
I have only ever been with one gay person, all the others had wives or girlfriends and most claimed that they had a great sexual relationship with there female partners, but needed sex with males from time to time. So if you have the urge and we all do, it is just normal way that we approach sex. Male to male is different than male to female and we need both.

All good questions - this could have been several different threads.
I spent more time writing, looking up tangents, and editing this response today than I have spent on a lot of my correspondence in a long time. I thank you for asking these questions - it made me think, and take measure.

First I want to touch on how I define bisexuality. I do this borrowing the words of someone else, who has defined herself longer than I have, in an inclusive manner.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Robyn Ochs

I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.

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Many have also used definitions filled with the negative of, or some assumed limitation of, other definitions. I do not subscribe to the idea a bisexual is only attracted to a man or a woman, not that the attraction is 50/50, or even adds to a 100% blend of the two. I like to say i'm 80%/70% in my attractions because to me, it adds up to more than the sum of the parts - an entirely different orientation that is not simply a couple pieces of these other two endpoints on the scale.

What does it mean psychologically and spiritually to desire both men and women?
Psychologically, for me, it means stress and frustration - I have discovered this part of myself later in life, and been walking among several camps of hetero- monogamous thinking, and some rather diverse thinking groups (LGBT, a little; Open/Poly relationship folk, some; Mixed Orientation Marriage support, a lot). Unfortunately, these varied camps are often very separate, and the hetero/monogamous camp was where I lived most of my life, and where my wife lives. It is only some occasional day trips I make to these little vacation lands of the open minded.

Spiritually? I am at a loss on that whole concept these days....

How is being sexually different than straight or gay effect your life, your mind, your relationships?
In most of my life, still the idea of duality exists. There is my life as a father, a husband - and most friendships, where I am viewed as a straight man in a straight marriage. My wife is aware, and has, eventually and through some trying times, become more accepting, and almost encouraging of my bisexuality (almost, it's a work in progress). My children and all but one coworker are unaware of the attractions and desires of the man they see as straight. My mother, and 4 of my 5 syblings also see me as a straight man, one (gay) brother is aware, and it has brought us closer, enabling us to have some very open and honest discussions. It is the duality that challenges my mind. I want to be more open, but I lack the confidence to start those conversations with those that I am close to. My older relationships, are primarily aging out. Having moved away from most of those close friends some 20+ years ago, and the impact of a dual life in what is my current home - I do not have many relationships to speak of where this is affecting, outside of those listed.
I have started creating new friendships, a network of supportive people, a community that fits my preferred live, and eases my mind. I find the Consensual Non Monogamous community (aka Open, Poly, ENM, Swing) is far more accepting than that of the general society.

How is it being a man and yet wanting to be taken?
Wants and desires are vast. I don't look at mine as wanting to be taken - where would they take me, will I be returned? In all seriousness, I have never looked at sex with my wife, or any partner for that matter, as 'taking them'. Yes some power has been in place, playfully I hope, but it was not about possession or ownership. So this idea of taking someone is simply not in my field of vision.
Being fully engaged, feeling someone's excitement and urges coursing through their bodies, and maybe someday into mine... its exhilarating, it is phenomenal, it is awesome. To be ravished by someone as much as I want to ravish them... utopia.

How does that affect your masculinity or for that matter, femininity, how you view yourself?
I spent my youth in the lower percentiles of weight and height. I graduated high school at about 5' and only 98 pounds. I was not the masculine high school student on the football team, and it was impacting to my social life, and probably still is. I never thought about my own masculinity, and really didn't think much at all about sexuality. I did think a lot about sex, but it was primarily just if/when thinking, awaiting a girl (eventually a woman) to see me and think I was acceptable. I was naive. I had no idea that, evidently, my male colleagues were testing the waters with each other. Had I found that secret in the '70's, I suspect my life would have turned out quite differently.
It was only a few years ago, when I recognized my fantasies of being with a man could be construed as feminine. Sometimes, when my wife is atop of me, I will wrap my legs around her, and think - this is what a woman feels like. I have strong images and urges - I wonder if there is an inner 'feminine' part of me, sitting quietly, waiting.
No, I have never given much head-space to the considerations of masculinity or femininity. I don't watch football or hockey. I don't watch bridal shows either. Actually my wife and girls watch Hockey and the bridal shows. Makes me wonder what that means.
I have lived my life along many of the standards for men's work and women's work in the house. My wife leaves most mechanical things to me, finances as well. We fell into an 'Ozzie & Harriet' style life after marriage, and we look to outsiders as 'typical'.

There is so much more to being bisexual than liking pussy and cock. Do any of you ever address these issues in your own life? In many primitive cultures being bisexual, transgender, gay, epileptic were signs the "gods" had touched you. So many bisexuals became shaman or priests.
I looked up my ancestral society on ancient beliefs in regards to bisexuality. Oddly, it was reported by other societies, not so much as an issue of men with men, but that they spent the time with equals, while the reporting societies preferred more of an age or class difference. There was no discussion of being touched by gods. There was some writings of warriors meeting on a battle field, one wanting to avoid the fight because they had once been what we would call lovers, and the sadness and lamenting after having to kill a previous sexual partner only because some ruler, far behind the lines of battle, deemed it necessary.
Men with men, in the ancient Irish and Celtic societies,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lairbhan.blogspot.com

may have been seen as accepted and unremarkable.

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If only this orientation was fully normalized, and even unremarkable!

How do you feel being bisexual has touched you and made you different?
CLearly, since my own recogition some 18 years ago, I have become a more complete person. I have not had male lovers, but a clear growth in understanding attractions and desires. I have come to recognize more about relationships, because I have to explain more about my desire of relationships. I do not go to discussion groups and social events souly because I am Bi, bit it is a major force behind the directions I travel now. I am driven to find the new normal, to find (or create) a new community in which I do not have to alter myself to try and fit in, but where I belong!

What a great response.