Wife of a Bi Guy

I've been married to my bi man for 5 years now & known about his sexuality since before we were married. I have always been accepting but my insecurities have grown over the years mainly due to him being quite defensive whenever I have brought the topic up and not wanting to open up.

I've used this & other sites to try & gain some insight into where he's coming from but I needed to hear it from him. I finally hit him up the other night & told him that if our marriage was to work we needed to communicate openly. I told him that I realise for him to be sexually active with a man would probably be best for both of us as his desires would be satisfied & probably keep him happier than if he was to be forced to be monogamous. He was so happy & we chatted for a good few hours about his past & our plans. We're in our mid-30's & have two young kids. I feel like we've made a huge leap forward & I'm excited about what's to come. I said that I'd prefer to start off with MMF threesomes b4 letting him go off on his own if I'm comfortable.

I've had my own FF & MFF encounters & he's told me he'd love to have some MFF time as well :)

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I feel so lucky that he was able to tell me about his sexuality before he was tempted to find a man behind my back. I think with openness & understanding our marriage can be just like any other marriage!!

I just felt like posting a nice update so feel free to give me some feedback, suggestions or let me know if yr in a similar situation.

Onya! that is great. If only more people could take this approach. I fear though, that here in the states, we are so tied to ownership, that to allow that kind of openness in a relationship is very difficult. It is basically understood that once you take those vows, that you become the other persons property and unless they allow it, you are not to be with anyone else. To do so will bring down the wrath and admonishment of others. So for many, they suffer in silence with unmet needs.

Hzy
That is great! My concern about what you posted is that without knowing more about your husband the section about starting with a threesome stood out. That may work but it may depend on your husband's self acceptance. How much experience does he have with same gender sex play? Since he has been reluctant to open up and discuss his sexuality he may still be struggling with self acceptance. Men in our societies have have more negative societal pressure on them to man up etc. Bi men struggle with self perception and masculinity aspects as they come to terms with their same gender attractions etc. Although some guys are really turned on by a mfm threesome others may not be comfortable being with a man and their female partner. This happens to bi women as well when it comes to threesomes. It makes some bi men and bi women more comfortable to initially explore their same gender experiences on their own. As they become comfortable with themselves, they may grow comfortable with their partner being present..or not. You may set your ground rules to make yourself also feel comfortable. Perhaps you just want to meet the man that you husband may play with?

Continue your discussions with your husband. Go with what will make him most comfortable if he has not had a lot of same gender sex. Despite having told you about his sexuality before marriage he seems to have repressed himself. Change will not happen overnight but you have made progress!

Thanks for your advice Tenni.
He has been with a few men before we were together. He's told me a lot about his experiences. I suppose when I said he was reluctant to open up, this was when we first started discussing details & it just took him a while to feel comfortable talking about it openly to me. He has told me some things that have opened my eyes for sure!
I get what u mean about jumping into a threesome too soon. We've been experimenting with each other & that's worn me out enough let alone introducing another person to our bed. The weird thing is I don't feel all that uncomfortable about him being with another man. Maybe because I'm secure enough in our relationship now, I accept the fact that our marriage is his #1 priority.
Still, there will be NO rushing into anything. We need to talk, talk & talk some more.
I just feel content with our progress.

But dear friend you are well and truly on your way. I'm so very happy for you, and admire you (many here would kill for a wife like you). Tenni is spot on. His reluctance to open up to you, in my view, had everything to do with how you would view him with a man. Your incredible act of suggesting that he needed to do this, took huge amounts of negative power right out of the equation. But not all of it. We are all subject to what one could argue is at least 2000 years of conditioning (I let myself off the hook with that one a lot). You said you have experimented together and I'm guessing (hoping) you mean that you've introduced some elements of things he might like to do with a man. If so, this is great. All the support, acceptance and encouragement you can lend here will do wonders for his esteem, more to the point, that you continue to esteem him. Also, porn for all its flaws, can really help here. A sprinkle of bi or gay porn watched together can be great for communication. Many women are surprised to find that it turns them on. Hint: for now seek out hot guy porn and avoid overtly feminine guy or other types. I suggest this primarily for you, for few things could be more encouraging for him than finding that elements of it actually turn you on. You may also (very gently) ask questions such as does this act turn you on or that guy.

My point with all of this is that your assurance that he's still your man is huge. It was huge coming from my wife.

Finally, know that your brave act and view of things is very likely to result in a closeness that you hadn't expected. If he is like me and quite a few bi men (certainly not all), he is quite content, satisfied and grateful for his emotional tie and life bond with you, and merely desires/needs to have sex with men. You actually meet that need by allowing this. I predict he will love you more for it. In all events, be well and best wishes.

HzyJD,

A Round of Applause For You!

What a wonderful wife you are!
(I'll bet you're tasty too! :tongue:)

My wife and I had long discusstion before we got together and I told her all about my Bi-side and we have had many MMF nights. she now has no problems now with me playing with other men by myself. She knows that I love her and am not going to run off with another man.
Just keep working with him you will have a wonderfull life together

I applaud all who have learned to communicate well and also have partners who you can be honest and open with. I applaud those partners, like Hzy, who will listen and, at least, try to understand their partners. She's certainly doing a magnificent job!

I am a prime example of how the failure to be honest can eventually ruin a relationship...or my case, three of them!

Not until I finally decided that I could never been in a viable relationship with a straight woman, did I actually specifically look for a bisexual GF.

Remarkably, I found the very best example for me, right here, on this site in 2008!

Some of us learn from our lessons, but not all of us are as a slow a learner than I am! Believe me, I know how lucky I am to have finally found peace, love, and acceptance!

Each of us have to find our own way and looks like many of you have. I finally have, too!

You did it right Hzy, congratulations, lady!