Pushing Ice Cream Through a Brick Wall: The Search for Bi-Competent Health Care

By Leanne Cusitar

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When was the last time you went to the doctor for a check-up or got your teeth cleaned?

Do you get regular STI and pap tests? Prostate exams? Mammograms?

Do you practice testicular or breast self-exam?

If you’re shuffling your feet and hoping I don’t call on you for fear I’ll make you tell us all just how very long it’s been, never fear. You’re in good company.

Research shows many bi folks don’t seek health care for themselves or their families for fear they’ll encounter discrimination, including being denied service, humiliated or otherwise stigmatized. When we do use services, many of us don’t mention we’re bi, both for the reasons stated above and out of concern we’ll be outed. In parts of the world where same sex contact is still illegal, being open about your bisexuality can lead to beatings, imprisonment or death.

It’s All About the Determinants of Health, Baby!

So how exactly does being bisexual make accessing health services different than if we were straight? Or, for that matter, lesbian or gay?

As bisexuals, we live in societies designed to maintain and promote the status quo – which of course means keeping those with privilege in power. Those of us who are also poor, immigrant, transgendered/transsexual, people of colour, or some other combination of marginalised identity grow up surrounded by inequality and discrimination based on all of these identities. From the time we’re children we’re told, based on these different elements of who we are, that we’re deviant and somehow ‘less than’ the more mainstream folks around us, be that at school, in our places of worship, or when we lose our jobs, housing or access to our children. Most of the barriers to health services we encounter, much why we’re unhealthy in the first place, can be traced back to the influence of the determinants of health.

Mainstream (a.k.a. Straight) Health Services: It’s All About Myth Management

The barriers bi folks encounter when seeking services in mainstream society fall neatly into the same tired old myths we already dealing with every day:

Bisexuality doesn’t really exist: This means it’s okay if to assume we’re straight and to not bother checking if we have same sex partners. It also saves them the bother of locating and making available bi-themed posters, pamphlets or information, or to develop inclusive medical history forms or policies. Of course, this myth wouldn’t have anything to do with the research that indicates bi folk are less likely than gays and lesbians to come out to their health care providers, would it? Or that one primary barrier we encounter is accurate information on safer sex with both male and female partners?

Bisexuality is no different than being straight: When we do come out to our doctors, their discomfort is often crystal clear. Bi men are told ‘use a condom’, where women get either the ambiguous ‘be safe’ or, more likely, the assumption that whatever we’re doing can’t be dangerous because it’s not really sex, so there’s no need to discuss safer sex. Further discussion about the complexities of bisexuality as it relates to our ability to maintain our health is, sadly, often out of the question. There are some exceptions to this rule, however. Sam recalls seeing a straight doctor for the first time and expecting to have to educate her about safer sex with women, only to find the opposite was true. “She knew stuff I didn’t know, like about Hepatitis and safer fisting. And she wasn’t the least bit embarrassed, either!”

Bisexuals are promiscuous: Even if we say we’re monogamous, don’t believe us – everybody knows bisexuals are incapable of being faithful to one person at a time – their sex drive is way too high! After all, if they weren’t having sex with both men and women they wouldn’t really be bi, would they? Bi women, who are already hypersexualized in our society, often have to contend with inappropriate comments and voyeuristic questioning regarding their sex lives. Maria was shocked when “one doctor even asked which I liked better, women or men. How creepy is that?”

Bisexuals are diseased: Bi men have been called the ‘bridge’ for HIV transmission from gay men to the straight communities (a theory that was largely unfounded), making them not only vectors of disease but also dangerous to their female partners. Kory got into an argument with a doctor who refused to believe she always had safer sex. “She just kept saying, ‘now, everybody slips up now and then, let me do an STI test just in case’, but I kept on saying no.”

Lesbian and Gay Health Services: Still More Myth Management!

So where can does a health-conscious bi peep go when they’re looking for the better way? For a lot of us, to lesbian and gay health services. While research indicates bisexuals are more likely to be happy with health services provided by the lesbian and gay community than those in the straight world, many gay and lesbian practitioners still hold outdated stereotypes about us:

Bisexuality doesn’t really exist: Dunstan remembers this attitude well. “I figured, hey, at least they wouldn’t freak out because I sleep with men. Instead I got a doctor who, when he heard I was in a relationship with a woman, asked why I was using their services when there were lots of doctors out there for ‘people like me’.” Of course there’s no such thing as a real bisexual. It’s just a phase on the way to coming out as gay or lesbian, a way to get some same-sex fun without giving up your heterosexual privilege or a quick walk on the wild side before fleeing back to the suburbs. It also means it’s fine for them not to stock bi-specific resources – after all, we are the ‘B’ in LGBT, a tacked-on afterthought to the issues of gays and lesbians, despite evidence that our health issues are quite distinct.

Bisexuality is no different than being gay or lesbian: It’s safe to assume that the experiences, concerns and priorities of we bi folk are interchangeable with those of your gay and lesbian patients. No need to educate yourself about the specific challenges for us, despite research indicating we experience higher levels of anxiety and depression than both straights and gay/lesbians. Or that we experience more current adverse life events, childhood abuse, have less support from family and friends and a higher frequency of financial problems. Not to mention some research suggests we’re at higher risk of both suicidal thoughts and attempts than both straights and gay/lesbians. And, of course, it’s fine to let your grasp on all things related to contraception slide cause everybody knows birth control’s not an issue in our community, right?

Bisexuals are promiscuous: Don’t believe bi folks if they tell you they’re in a long-term monogamous relationship, particularly if it’s with the opposite sex. Likwe remembers one STI counselor in particular. “He leaned forward like we were old buddies sharing a secret, winked and said ‘now hon, everything you say here is confidential. You and I both know there’s no such thing as a cock-loving guy who doesn’t go out and get a little on the side now and then’.” Sally was particularly upset at a doctor she went to see for the morning after pill six months after a checkup during which she’d been in a relationship with a woman. “The doctor acted like I’d deceived her somehow, even challenging me and saying ‘I thought you were a lesbian!’. I mean, life goes on, partners change!”

Bisexuals are diseased: Bisexual women are considered to be more likely to get and transmit STIs to their female partners as a result of having had sex with men. This despite ample evidence that STIs are already prevalent in the lesbian community, and are quite transmissible through girl on girl sex. Men, on the other hand, sometimes see the ‘bridge theory’ of HIVtransmission rearing its ugly head, as it did for Justin. “The nurse actually told me bi men gave the rest of the community a bad name by giving straight women HIV.”

Whither Access?

The answer is not an easy one, particularly since this struggle is far from over.

Many of us live in countries where our bisexual rights are only partially protected, if at all, and we may feel as though our search for equality is like pushing ice cream through a brick wall. If we’ve seen improvements in the bi competency of health care services we probably live in large cities located in countries where queer and other human rights protections are available.

Remember that change takes both time and determination. It can be as small as printing this article off and giving it to your doctor, midwife or local health centre.

Since most of us don’t face the death penalty for telling our health care providers we’re bi, I’d say that’s an excellent reason to join Amnesty International in protesting the treatment of those of us who do.

***

References:
A Positive Space Is A Healthy Place Making Your Community Health Centre or Public Health Unit Inclusive to Those of All Sexual Orientations and Gender Identities
www.opha.on.ca/resources/SexualHealthPaper-Jun06.pdf
Meyer, Ilan H.& Northridge, Mary E. (Eds.) (2007) The Health of Sexual Minorities: Public Health Perspectives on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Populations. Springer.

Leanne Cusitar is a polyamorous femme gal who works as a sex educator, social worker and general rabble-rouser. One of the founding members of the Toronto Women's Bath House Committee, In all her spare time she writes, does performance, and tries to catch up on her sleep!

(c) Copryight 2006 Leanne Cusitar

I agree with the article about how if you're seeing a medical doctor/therapist, how you should be honest about your sexuality.

Bejesus. What this article highlights to me, is that we don't face difficulty trying to get bi-related services. That we can face difficulty at the doctor's because we're bi, no matter what we're there for. I'd have a few strong things to say if I ever found myself in situations like some of those highlighted I can tell you.

I haven't been to the doctor in about 3 years. That was before I admitted that I was bi and before I had female sex partners. I have an appointment coming up. I suppose now I can prepare for the worst. I had never even thought about this before. Great article!

I don't get what there is special about bisexuality when it comes to health care. Being bisexual doesn't change your physiology. That's like saying when you take your car in to the mechanic it matters whether you drove it to Boston or Chicago. Huh?

At my last physical exam, my "doctor" asked why I wanted an HIV test. When I told her that it was because I am bisexual and had been sexually active since my last physical. She asked, "bisexual? does that mean you are gay?" I replied no, it means I am attracted to both sexes and this year I just happened to have acted on a same-sex attraction.

I couldn't believe I had to explain it to her.

Yes us damm Bisexuals.
First off i must say your artical was brilliant.
Second I get the finger up my butt by my hetro doc once a year now that i am over 40.
My doctor will be getting a plain brown envelope in the mail with your thread attatched.
It sucks to be called the harbengers of death and disease by both the hetro and gay people in the world.
Of course i know gay people and i think they take way more chances than any 'Bi' person i have ever met.
Again great artical.............. :bibounce:

a resonable article to bring awareness of health concerns to a specific community; the subequent commentary by several participants of this community, i.e. bisexual.com, also helps to highlight several aspects of the medical community.

after my university years, and different morphesis as a corporate brat, i spent much time as healtcare professional, non-med, but involved within the healthcare system. one thing you learn very quickly, and that is the medical system, despite its many successes, is a challenged and ignorant arena, physicians and other med tech personnel are no exception.

the first phony buy-in, by both the medical professional and the public, is that gay/lesbian, bi, or straight folk need separate medical systems of healthcare, major l.o.s!; the next phony buy-in is that straight folk health is the norm, and that they are inherently, by practice, i.e. straight sex, healthier than gay/lesbian and bi, yeah right, next major l.o.s!! there are many others, but space is limited. the best is remember, if you've got healthcare, use it, use it regularly, demand the best from it, and if what is being said to you makes no sense, seek second opinions, research the facts, search out support groups, get someone you can trust to listen and help, be pro-active etc. etc.!!!

there are many, many caring, wonderful, healthcare professionals out there, but the unfortunate truth is that there are as many ignorant, dogmatic, and self serving healthcare professionals as well; modern medicine has made its strides because of those who fought the system to make it work right, not by those who seek complacency and the status quo.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent!

Eleanor Roosevelt

I think that some doctors can be difficult not just due to sexual orientation, but due to sex in general.

I had one doctor ask me if my guy sucked on my nipples, and advised against it.

I have also had doctors ask whether I have anal sex, and have at times been leery of my own 1000 mile checkups, due to just that issue.

It does really suck not to be able to be comfortable with your physician no matter what the cause.

There are straight doctors, and there are gay doctors. Perhaps there should be a listing of bi-sexual doctors. I'm guessing that would take the worry out of being close.

Also, the discrimination doesn't stop at the office visit. When was the last time any of you tried to give blood without lying?!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Philly_PA

There are straight doctors, and there are gay doctors. Perhaps there should be a listing of bi-sexual doctors. I'm guessing that would take the worry out of being close.

Also, the discrimination doesn't stop at the office visit. When was the last time any of you tried to give blood without lying?!

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I don't give blood, as I've had sex with men.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Philly_PA

Also, the discrimination doesn't stop at the office visit. When was the last time any of you tried to give blood without lying?!

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I don't even know if I could give blood, since I've been with a man who's been with a man. How crazy is that?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by deremarc

I think that some doctors can be difficult not just due to sexual orientation, but due to sex in general.

I had one doctor ask me if my guy sucked on my nipples, and advised against it.

I have also had doctors ask whether I have anal sex, and have at times been leery of my own 1000 mile checkups, due to just that issue.

It does really suck not to be able to be comfortable with your physician no matter what the cause.

---

Agreed. It's got to be counter-productive if you feel you can't go to the doctor without being told off for getting drunk or whatever.

Iv never actually herd of any doctor having a problem with Gay/bi patients. My doctor is a long time family friend and when ever I come to the office about anything personal he is always very professorial and accepting and it has never entered into the relationship he has with our family out side the office. My mother is an oncologist and works extremely closely with many doctors and other health care professionals at the hospital. I asked her is she had ever heard anything about this kind of behavior and she just laughed and said never.

I dont know how things work in the US, as I understand they are a littel less accepting and open to bisexuality down there, and I dont know the legal differences in things like doctor/patient privilege or hypocratic oath (no clue how to spell that), but in Canada I couldnt even imagin one of our doctors acting like that.

I think 99% of doctors are very accepting to things like this, and would not judge their patients. Even if it was against their personal beliefs I believe that they would keep everything professional and keep their mouths shut about how they feel. Most (or at least all the good ones) would (and should) put the care of the patient before any thing else

If any doctor who would act discriminatorily towards me, I would most certainly not be going to them again and I would consider reporting them depending on what they said.

If you tell a doctor about your sexual orientation, obviously he/she should be accepting toward it, but to be honest, I don't think it's relevant for a doctor to know about a patient's sexual orientation. I can't think of a single medical condition that requires having to tell the doctor about the gender of your lover(s). Not even STDs. No matter what the gender of your lover is/was, the treatment of the disease is the same.
Doctors may want to know about their patients sexual orientation for research- or statistical purposes (e.g. to find out if certain STD's are more prevalent among people of a certain sexual orientation), but they don't have to know to be able to treat their patients.

Dani

This may be a little off topic, but I'm going to take the excuse given by the article to make the point anyway:

Guys - especially guys in their twenties: If you are NOT doing testicular self-exams on a regular basis, you need to start now.

I speak from experience here: I was surprised as hell when my doctor told me I had testicular cancer. Hell, how could I have cancer? Cancer is an old man's disease, right? I was just 27!

Well, no, cancer is NOT just an old man's disease. Young guys can and do get testicular cancer.

The good news is that if found early enough (like mine was), the treatment for testicular cancer is very effective. Painful, miserable - but effective. (And not nearly as painful or miserable as treatments for other cancers, either.)

The bad news is that you gotta find it early enough.

So men: keep checking those balls of yours! (Like you need any more incentive anyway..... :bigrin: )

Peace

First of all, I am a sex, drug and rock and roll radical, White Pride advocate, and general pain in the ass to everyone...including the people on this site.
I haven't been to a doctor in a long time...mainly because they charge so damned much. SEcond of all, becaus ethey are a direct infomation conduit to law enforcement, third, because very few people understand where I'm coming from, and the people who DO understand are rather uncomfortable with it. I can always get an HIV test from a gay clinic......I just tell them I'm bi, and don't really give a flying fuck what they think about it. Even Freedom, one of my best friends, is uncomfortable with the fact that I'm bi. His redneck friends don't even understand why he hangs around me. But most of my friends are redneck males. I seek out sexual satisfaction wherever I can find it....when you're an 8 ball like me, you learn to take it where and when you can get it. Most of the non-dope suckers I know would like to see me in jail, and most of the liberals I know expect me to do penance for being white. To hell with both of them. Hunter Thompson is dead, but there are still many Wierd people in this world. We need to stand up and be counted. Fuck the system. If enough people stand up and tell the truth, the Powers That be will eventually be forced to accept us. And Vote, you bastards, VOTE!
"The truth is an offense, but not a sin" - Bob Marley :smoke:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coyotedude

This may be a little off topic, but I'm going to take the excuse given by the article to make the point anyway:

Guys - especially guys in their twenties: If you are NOT doing testicular self-exams on a regular basis, you need to start now.

I speak from experience here: I was surprised as hell when my doctor told me I had testicular cancer. Hell, how could I have cancer? Cancer is an old man's disease, right? I was just 27!

Well, no, cancer is NOT just an old man's disease. Young guys can and do get testicular cancer.

The good news is that if found early enough (like mine was), the treatment for testicular cancer is very effective. Painful, miserable - but effective. (And not nearly as painful or miserable as treatments for other cancers, either.)

The bad news is that you gotta find it early enough.

So men: keep checking those balls of yours! (Like you need any more incentive anyway..... :bigrin: )

Peace

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couldn't agree more, i was only 19 when i found a lump. that was the worse few weeks of my life while i waited for the test results, thankfully it was nothing. definatley keep a regular check on those balls guys

Quote:

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Originally Posted by the sacred night

I don't even know if I could give blood, since I've been with a man who's been with a man. How crazy is that?

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Ditto...you can't according to their discriminatory and asinine little queries.

I stopped giving blood so that I don't have to lie. Which majorly sucks because I am pretty good at giving blood (ie give quickly, good veins, no dizziness issues, good o+ blood) and I gave a lot before i had sex with my bi boyfriend.

lol morganne, its the same in new zealand.... they don't like taking ya blood if you are a drug addict, alcoholic, have any blood disorders, are gay/bi ....

so me being my usual self, take a lesbian friend to the local hospital to give blood and I am a very rare blood type...
i told them that i was bisexual......and they immediately backpedalled and tried not to take the blood.....so i just smiled and told that, that since their blood testing criteria was so useless and that my blood may be dangerous.....they better not take the blood of the lesbian or the person that claimed to be male but had anal sex with other males..... this sent them into a tail spin, cos there were 9 others waiting to give blood.....lol and they had no idea who was who lol

they got the supervisior of the blood bank out the front in the waiting room, and i simply said, that i find it interesting that they were not gonna take my blood, but they were happy to take the blood of liars and lesbians..... and that i was not aware that liars and lesbians were immune to hiv / aids.....
they happily told me that lesbians were not a risk factor..... grins..... my lesbian sister and her partner died from aids.... and i happily told them this, then walked out

Quote:

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Originally Posted by morganne

Ditto...you can't according to their discriminatory and asinine little queries.

I stopped giving blood so that I don't have to lie. Which majorly sucks because I am pretty good at giving blood (ie give quickly, good veins, no dizziness issues, good o+ blood) and I gave a lot before i had sex with my bi boyfriend.

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haven't given blood in years, and my sexuality didn't even seem to be a factor 'til now.. the last time i tried, [ i have ab-] they swarmed me like a flock of buzzards when they heard my blood type.. then we all found out i was disqualified because of my exotic locations in both military service and my contracting career. seems working for medicines sans frontiers in africa and having great access to prevention, didnt even help, and living and working in middle europe and the carribean aren't as acceptable as places to have been for any length of time, especially haiti.

funny, i knew the career soldier behind me had served in bosnia and port au prince, had worked hand in hand with him in fact, we've shared meals at our homes here, and they greedily and without question took his pint.

so, no more. i stopped because of the discrimination factors.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by little clown

If you tell a doctor about your sexual orientation, obviously he/she should be accepting toward it, but to be honest, I don't think it's relevant for a doctor to know about a patient's sexual orientation. I can't think of a single medical condition that requires having to tell the doctor about the gender of your lover(s). Not even STDs. No matter what the gender of your lover is/was, the treatment of the disease is the same.
Doctors may want to know about their patients sexual orientation for research- or statistical purposes (e.g. to find out if certain STD's are more prevalent among people of a certain sexual orientation), but they don't have to know to be able to treat their patients.

Dani

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dani,
oh how nice it is to live in a place that has a more liberated outlook on our sex lives, such as yours does. and much much better privacy laws too.

here in the U.S. if you show up at your doctors with an STD, in many states they are required by law to notify not one, or two, but several different public health and welfare offices,depending on where you are, who you are and what your social step on the rung of life is, who then in turn run you and your lovers and family thru the muck, mire and social injustices of publicly telling everyone, and i mean the entire whole community and county, that you got "IT" whatever that "IT" just happens to be.

my doctor here? strict, holier than thou moralistic catholic. me? i'm neo paganistic/animistic in my beliefs and we really clash, but the guy is darn good. do i tell him everything? heck no, it's not his business. does he ask?? yep he does, and i tell him it's not his affair or that of the local public governance's either. he's only ever asked "why?" once, and in that case we had to redefine the terms of doctor /client privilege, since wee were discussing a possible life threatening condition..

and yes, like the title of the article originally alluded, it is an exercise in frustration and futility to get others to just plain UNDERSTAND.

Well, it has been a while since I have posted but I felt the need to do so with this particular subject.
First, wonderful article!
and then, I know a few of you have mentioned that it is not necessarily any of your doctors business to know the orientation of ones sexuality. I do have to agree with you there, I am a nurse who works in a Doctors office, which is where many "1000 mile check ups" take place, we follow a set of questions that tend to be much more general. Example: have you taken part in any sexual behavior that may put you at risk.And if answered yes, it leads into a smaller range of questioning (have you ever been tested for an STD, have you ever tested positive, etc, etc, etc.)This does not focus on any sexual preference, (I have had teenage girl once ask "I slept with my friends boyfriend and she has herpes, does that count?")I don't need to know the nitty gritty details. Specific questions usually lead to subjective assumptions and last I knew health care professionals were supposed to be objective as a rule. Besides, so many people (bi, gay, straight) feel that they need to lie or stretch the truth at a doctors visit out of fear of being chastised or discriminated against. I mean really, the morbidly obese man who comes in and has actually gained weight since starting his weight loss plan, really hasn't been sneaking snacks now and then right? or has he? ahh, subjective. So what should be said? We need to work on this problem/issue/concern and take precautions against things that may harm us. This works in almost any case. I hope you all find compassionate and caring health care providers who are not narrow minded or biased.
Forgive my ranting :)

Never had reason to discuss it with my doctor, but some years ago I had a few therapy sessions. In one I mentioned my sexuality, just in passing, and the therapist guy made a great big deal about it and kept wanting me to talk about it. My attitude was 'I find some men and some women attractive. I have had male and female partners. All my friends* and my current boyfriend know this. What more do you want me to say?' but he just refused to believe that 'confusion over my sexuality' wasn't the reason for my depression**. Or that I wasn't confused.

Minty

* I say that, but unfortunately I was talking to a recently-made (and possibly soon-to-be-lost) friend in the pub the other night, and she actually came out with the comment "I don't mind gay men, but I don't like bisexuals. They should just make up their mind one way or the other." Aaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

** Work was the main reason.

thanks for your contribution. the previous month's sucked, it was excellent to read your recommendations. now if only i could find affordable health insurance... :2cents:

this is old please post a new one.

I recently moved and as a result changed doctors. During my initial visit, I considered it the getting to know you visit. I not only informed my doctor that I was bisexual but I also told him how often I would be coming to visit and the tests I expected him to perform at every visit. I watched his reaction as he jotted my requests in my chart, he then excused himself for a moment which I took as he wanted to write notes in private. I have no problem changing doctors if I sense I can not fully express all I need to because he is not acting professionally. Only time will tell. :bipride:

It has been a long time since I had been to a "DENTIST. " No Health Ins.
Damn, I wish I had that. That would cover my Health Ins. Bill.If I had that I would try to go on a regular basis.

I totally agree, I have been given weird looks from doctors, it is like well I don't know how to treat you because you can't make a decision, like knowing who you are is not making a decision. The people who act like it is a phase drive me crazy. I have got a little bit of a shocked look by my therapist when I told her, though she seemed open to it, I think I just caught her off guard. I went to a GLBT therapy group when I started therapy and they were so supportive, I had a lesbian therapist who was happy to discuss my issues with my husband and dealing with grief from a previous partner passing.

I do agree doctors do discriminate here, I don't even think that they necessarily do it consciously, because the bi community does not have the same about of press and information out there as the gay/lesbian community. I think that some of them are unsure how to handle the questions if they have not had experience with bi patients or being bi themselves. A list would be wonderful but I don't think it is fair to expect them to out themselves, but maybe a list of bi friendly doctors would be good.

I thin that the blood banks have become so illnessaphobic that they want to exclude everyone, and then they complain that they need more donors. I am not sure since I do not donate due to medical issues, though I have heard they do not ask if women have had same sex partners, or if guys are in a relationship with a women that has had same sex conduct. They gave my Husband a harder time because he has piercings and tattoos. Also my mother went to go donate blood specifically for her use only for a surgery she was having (they can do this if you have health issues) and they did not want to do it because she had hepatitis, and my step father has had hepatitis, and this was for use only, not to even be put in the general use. They told my husband since he stayed with my parents for one month when we dated that he could not donate. I understand that they do not want to chance spreading illness, but come on people that was almost 8 years ago, it would have manifested by now. Come on get over it, how can you complain when your restrictions are so exclusive, I have literally known few people that have not had some sort of contact with a person who has had hepatitis or some other easily spread illness. I don't give blood because I have a immune disorder, not aids but none the less it is a blood born illness, even though they say you should not be able to contract it, but why risk it. Back to the restrictions I have know gay men who lie because they want to be able to donate. I really don't have a problem with this, they test the blood, and truthfully some of the more safe people I know are gay, I know more straight that do not practice safe sex.

Just a thought.

This is a most interesting article to read and read comments to it. I agree about being in the closet is sometimes easier. BUT: the funny thing to me is that there are more of us than there are of 'them'. Years ago I was a mathematical statistician and Bi. I read the Kinsey reports about men and also about women I read the tables faster than the text and found some very interesting statistics. In 1945, 40% of men had homosexual masturbation fantasies or MORE. 35% of that 40% were married! Is that being bi - more or less. {In those years abbout 5 or 6% of men were single acording to Census bureau figures. 40% minus 5% = 35%]
In the back pages of the men's book was a little table nobody ever even noticed. In it was the information that by age 45 one fourth of men [25%] had had a male 'lover' for 3 years or more. Maybe about 5% were homo but that makes one fifth - 20% - one in five or 20 in 100 were bi.!!!!
Kinsey did his work in the 1940s when to be dicovered being homo was fatal - the life you lived ended NOW - not five minutes later even. [Read ' 'The Boys From Boise' about what life was like then]. Yet these many men risked everything to be bi !!!!
In Kinseys book on Women the percentages of bi were much larger.
So what is this sense of being in the minority? Get you head together and face realiy...What people have to say about their sex life is an illusion
Buddha said we live in a world of illusion and here is another one.
Nowadays with all the sexual liberation that has happened since 1945,
there must be about twice the percentage of bi peeps.

Of recent years I have been studying Traditional Chinese Medicine , acupressure, and herbalism. I've been seeing clients for about 25 years. There is no difference between the diseases of hetero homo or bi persons - this is part of the illusion. Although I think sticking something up an ass then into a cunt seems dangerous for the woman to me. Even the best washed-out asshole is never sterile. I would suggest - in this line of thinking - that a bi man rinse his dick off with something acidic frequently - like vinegar, lemon juice, or yogurt - to minimize maladies of the vagina in his girl-friends.
As to other venereal diseases, a urologist I went to for gonnorrhea much too often, told me to pee after an orgasm or sex of any kind. I haven't had a dose of venereal disease but once in the 37 years since! IT WORKS.
This is a bit long-winded but .... I've wanted to say this in public for many years. Thank you for reading this. Health and Happiness, Crazy Owl