Becoming Bisexual: Six On-going Conversations

By Zoë Bake-Paterson

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/image...ff/author4.jpg

Note to self:
When preparing to out yourself as bisexual, realize that this actually means coming out as gay. Realize that the straight side of you is assumed normal and expected. The act of identifying yourself as something other than straight automatically makes you queer.

Of course there are always exceptions. If your circle of friends and family are staunchly gay, coming out as straight would have greater impact, the assumption of gay could exist. Either way, coming out as bisexual puts you at odds (or on par) with almost every existing category of sexuality out there.

There is no one way. And every way is somewhat the same: usually a misunderstanding.

1. From the street, the clean and bright green sign beckons: Kent’s Kitchen, come in and eat. It is a little daytime cafeteria sandwiched between an over-flowing Chinese grocery and a meat market with a slab of dripping BBQ pork hanging in the window. The street is full of people. It is noon in Chinatown.

Inside Kent’s Kitchen, a dozen tables are stacked in long rows beside a wall-length mirror. This is where the working people sit on their lunch breaks eating cheap Chinese food from the buffet. Rice and one topping is $3.75. Rice and two toppings is $4.50. There is fried rice, steamed rice, pork, chicken, beef, black bean, mama’s tofu, chow mien and vegetable – the choice comes down to personal appetite.

I had just moved home from my second year at university and asked my mother to lunch so that we could talk. Talk being a euphemism for confession. I was gearing myself up to tell her that sometimes I like girls more than boys. It seemed important to tell her this right away, the day after I moved in, because I was madly in love with a girl and thought the whole world should know.

Sitting there, elbow to elbow with an older man reading a Mandarin newspaper, I remember thinking that if there is a type food to suit every individual taste, why shouldn’t it be that way with sexuality? But it isn’t that way, or at least it doesn’t seem that way in the mainstream world. Out there, it’s gay or straight. And if I was sitting here telling my mother that I wasn’t straight… her odds were high that I was gay.

I remember my internal question better than my mother’s reaction, which came along the lines of positive, unsurprised and caring. But what scared me the most was how to tell her when I was once again, and inevitably it did happen, in love with a man. It would be like coming out all over again. And it was. It always is.


2. “I remember when I was going out with Denise, back when Denise was still Denise not Devon, and people on the island saw me and when that [relationship] didn’t work out, they saw me with Rory,” says Ursula Watt. “I could see the cogs working in their brain.”

Watt knows a lot about the quirks of coming out as bisexual having lived it for five years. I know this because she and I came out together. “Came out” in the big gay sense of the term: cruising the sole gay bar in town together, dating women, getting mixed up in the queer women’s scene. A true exploration of the homo-side of bisexual.

Watt says people used to assume she was gay and now they assume she’s straight. “It’s not an easy fence to straddle. I hold it back here on the island. I’m a bisexual in a heterosexual relationship.”

What it has meant is a lot of discussions about sexual identity. She can’t even remember if she ever came out as bi, more that she came out in the gay community, and then came out again by dating a man, then came out again by dating a woman, and so on.

“It’s somewhat rare and nice when someone is open to talking about it,” says Watt. “The possibility of me being with a man or a woman before them, or even after, is usually not a pleasant one.”

It’s been almost a year that she’s been with Rory. But the bisexuality issue hasn’t really come up a lot, she says. “We have a XXX cupboard and at the bottom is my strap-on gathering dust…. We share a house and a car, and we’ve talked about buying property together. It does seem to be following the straight and narrow path,” she says. “If anything, he would worry that I might want that lifestyle again.”

But the balance never seems perfect for when she goes back to visit friends and is once again immersed in the gay community, they ask “how are you doing with that boy?” Watt recalls. “There’s skepticism, like they’ve lost a team member.”

3. “You’re going to leave me for a man aren’t you,” she said from the other side of the bed, face half-buried in a pillow.

My first girlfriend, Liz, the one who looked more like a boy than most boys. After I told her that I preferred bi to dyke she would ask me, “Do you still call yourself bisexual?”

I was never certain how to answer this: she wanted me to say no but it was a lie, and a yes encountered anger because she felt she would never be enough to satisfy me.

When I asked why, she said it was because perhaps one day I would choose to be with a man and have the white-picket-fence nuclear-family dream. Bisexuality was seen as a freewheeling choice. And maybe it is, to some. But my heart rarely follows on command.

To Liz it was simply like I had an unquenchable thirst. She kept waiting for me to say, “Ah yes, right now I am filled.”

This is how I came to understand that some see bisexuality as synonymous with wanting more. No one person will ever be enough.

Another coming out story.

4. The most supportive statement I have ever heard about bisexuality was from my last boyfriend, Michael, who during a disagreement said, “Of course I support you. Don’t I introduce you as my lesbian girlfriend?”

Too bad I never identified as a lesbian. Too bad he didn’t understand bi either.

5. “I guess I inferred that from our conversation you were saying there was room for men in your relationship,” he said curtly via email. If something can be said curtly over the casual, often misunderstood exchanges that email allows, this man had it down pat.

Newly non-monogamous and eager to explore, he saw me as his perfect target. Happily committed to someone else, not a complete stranger and sexually open. To him, bisexual meant non-monogamous.

Me, I’ve never been able to make non-monogamy work. It was a disaster from the get-go. I know some extraordinary people who are marvelous at it, but I am not one of them.

Being bi certainly hasn’t given me this ability.

Non-monogamy is the one aspect that makes me want to shy away from the word bisexual. It actually makes me cringe at the word. Because the first time I came out to a straight male – a friend and the boyfriend of my roommate–his instantaneous response was, “Cool. Hey, you should come out with us sometime. We could hook up.”

Ursula Watt is also familiar with this story, not only because she was the third roommate in that house at the time, but also because it’s happened to her repeatedly.

“People totally sexualize it, especially men. You become hyper-sexualized, like you’ll take anything you can get,” she says.

Now she plays her cards close. She lives in a small community with her boyfriend and admits she thinks twice about who she’ll tell.

“It’s small here,” says Watt. “It’s not a place to be foot-loose and fancy-free without being noticed.”

6. “I don’t believe in bisexuality. Now I can’t speak for women, they seem to be more sexually fluid, but for men, it’s simply a stepping-stone in the coming out process. I can’t say that I know any bisexual men. They’re all gay now,” says my father.

I was raised by two lesbian mothers and two gay fathers. A household of gay, and yet coming out as bi was no less of a challenge. It was different and they didn’t understand it. It didn’t conform to the gay minority. Worse, it came with the privilege to pass as straight.

Saying this might make you read my coming out story with my mother differently. She’s gay. Should be easy. But I came from parents who would jokingly say, “If one of our children doesn’t end up gay then we’ll feel like failures.” With two straight-laced siblings, that left me. They wanted gay. I am what they call “undecided.”

If I am in a long-term relationship with a woman, bisexuality will have been part of my coming out process. If I am in a long-term relationship with a man, it will have been a phase. This is not a unique response. I have heard it directed towards many friends along the way as they dance the fine line of what sexuality means to them. Inevitably this comes with changing partners, and usually another round of coming out.

I have been told repeatedly that if you choose to be bisexual you have three options: You remain single and date fluidly, you maintain constant non-monogamy, or you choose one partner and settle, at least publicly, with the label that it comes with. But I have come to believe that bisexual is more about what goes on in my head. So I’m in a committed relationship now and I am okay with being “bisexual, in a lesbian relationship” which often gets condensed to lesbian. It’s easier to take the label knowing that someone else out there is bisexual in a hetero relationship. Well, that’s how we are for now.


The thing you are shall make you live, it will never make you do anything less.” – joe pintauro

wow
i guess we all have a diffrent idea of what bi is.
to me it cannot be a monogamous thing,but somthing to be shared.
of course we need an anchor,a life partner /spouse..
keyword anchor..the lover you share everything with,everything!!
thats my idea of being bi
tell your father that not all guys that have had a gay time are still gay cuzz i like girls too........
regarding you parents wow another feature.. 2x2 gay parents do tell!!!
bigregory :flag2:

The mono/poly thing in relation to bi people is certainly a hot debate. We'll be getting an article on it for sure sometime.
I'm not even sure where I stand on it. I'm a poly person, but I can see how others could be monogamous and still be bi.

Great article! It definitely covered all the interesting questions I've had along the way. I'm str8 but dating a bi male. I had so many questions in my mind before he came out to me and probably a zillion more after he came out to me. It took me the longest time to accept that he could be in a committed relationship with me and not pursuing others, whether they be male or female. We have a semi-monogamous relationship. (How's that for confusing?) We have the occasional mmf encounter together, so that's not "cheating" but if either of us pursued sex with anyone else without our partner there, it would be cheating.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has been confused about bi and gay and had to figure out how to be in a relationship with someone who is bi. After awhile, it finally occurred to me that it really isn't different from dating someone who is str8, except that he happens to have had experiences with guys as well as girls.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Gayle

Hello: I can only give you my feelings toward this article. I have found that everyone is in need of another person to be close to. The more I live the more I understand that it makes no difference if they are male or female. We have a need to touch, love,be with, enjoy, interact with another person at times. My experience has been very good and I have received so much good feeling from the meetings with other guys.
As long as a guy is kind, careing, genuine, and enjoys the same activities, that's OK with me. I really enjoy being laid back with a guy and sharing all the pleasures of good conversation, being close, and experiencing exciting male to male closeness.
I only wish I had gotten into this life-style years ago; I've only found these pleasing times over the past eighteen months or so. I really enjoy doing this with another guy, or a couple, male and female. I am a male-bisexual with feelings for guys and girls.
Ken

This article was a very good read, it captures the problems that many bisexuals face with their sexual identity.
My "coming-out" wasn't so much of a problem to the straight community and it didn't surprise my friends or family it was just a thing I would do. I tend to be very capricious and can never decide on anything. The people I had the most trouble with were the gay community and my homosexual friends. They see bisexuality in men as a stepping stone toward coming out as gay. I unfortunately do not fall into this catagory, I am equally attracted to both men and women and am so happy that I finally discovered bisexuality in a world where you're either gay or straight. I am much happier now living with this title.
As for the monogomy debate, I believe it is stereotipical to label bisexuals as non-monogomous beings, many hetero- and homosexuals do not practice monogomy in their relationships, I fell it is just that bisexuals are more open to discuss the issue with their partners and understand each other, rather than cheating on their partner secretively. :bibounce:

I totally loved this article it definetly brings the truth home. The truth being that sometimes being bi means not being completly accepted on either side of the fence,kinda like civil war times everyones wants you to pick a side. For myself the monogamy question is easy I am married and I have a steady girlfriend. I love them both and we all seem to share one belief love and sex are 2 seperate things . fortunatly for me with my parents my mother is also bi so I have the advantage of being able to be completly open I usually bring both of my loves home for the holidays !! life as bi is good I wouldn't have it any other way :bipride:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DoctaDan2

As for the monogomy debate, I believe it is stereotipical to label bisexuals as non-monogomous beings, many hetero- and homosexuals do not practice monogomy in their relationships, I fell it is just that bisexuals are more open to discuss the issue with their partners and understand each other, rather than cheating on their partner secretively. :bibounce:

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You got to believe the Doctor.
bis are open
being non-monogomous does not make me a slut.
it makes me what i want to be ALIVE...

Hi i just wanted to congratulate you on this great eye opening, informative, and interesting article. It's of great use for any bisexual out there...

Interesting view points. I must admit,When I came out to my wife, I totally sexualized the whole thing...(everything for that matter). We have a pretty open relationship and to me bisexuality couldn't mean anything else but sharing all the physical and emotional experiences that go along with sex. But monogamy is just that. I am very comitted to my marriage and am prepared to not engage in any outside relations should she require them to end. I guess the debate is really one of the true definition of marriage. none the less, I feel no desire to out myself to my family yet. it's still fun just having a few "good friends" with whom we both spend a lot of time together. (jeez, I hope I didn't totally miss the point again) thanks,
david

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kb0621

Hello: I can only give you my feelings toward this article. I have found that everyone is in need of another person to be close to. The more I live the more I understand that it makes no difference if they are male or female. We have a need to touch, love,be with, enjoy, interact with another person at times. My experience has been very good and I have received so much good feeling from the meetings with other guys.
As long as a guy is kind, careing, genuine, and enjoys the same activities, that's OK with me. I really enjoy being laid back with a guy and sharing all the pleasures of good conversation, being close, and experiencing exciting male to male closeness.
I only wish I had gotten into this life-style years ago; I've only found these pleasing times over the past eighteen months or so. I really enjoy doing this with another guy, or a couple, male and female. I am a male-bisexual with feelings for guys and girls.
Ken

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Ken, to me you hit the nail right on the head.I'm married & love my wife but I also like some male company for bonding.I try to ask myself why . I can't answer that. Just know I enjoy it. Thank you.

Ok, so besides being adorably cute, Zoë makes a whole whack of great points on such a regular basis.

There now seems to be a debate as to whether a bisexual person can be monogamous - as Zoë says she prefers. Some argue that once you're bi, you're never mongamous.

We've all rated ourselves on the Kinsey scale - that famous 7 point scale from completely hetero to completely gay. Many of us fall somewhere in the middle.

There also seems to be a similar scale for mongamy - let's say the following:

0 - exclusively monogamous
1 - predominantly monogamous, incidentally polyamourous
2 - predominantly monogamous, more than incidentally polyamourous
3 - equally monogamous and polyamourous
4 - predominantly polyamourous, more than incidentally monogamous
5 - predominantly polyamourous, incidentally monogamous
6 - exclusively polyamourous

Let's give a few example types - a married male, who has one of those "flings" when he's away at a conference is likely a 1, maybe a 2.

Get where I'm coming from?

If the person is bisexual and monogamous, then they may have the following pattern of monogamous dating: male, female, female, male, female, male, male.

Bisexuality therefore does not preclude monogamy - sexuality determines choice of WHO, and monogamy/polyamoury determines how many at the same time.

ThrillMe :male:

lets not forget that the 'gamy' in monogamy means marriage! sex is not exclusively for the married. Also not maintaining ones fidelity does not automatically make one unmarried either (depending on how the spouse feels about the issue). Therefore, as I see it, one can remain monogamous and have sex partners outside the marriage as well.

From Ongoing Conversations article: Warning...probably a rant! :yikes2:

Quote:

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It didn’t conform to the gay minority. Worse, it came with the privilege to pass as straight.

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I read this article. Then read it again, and it got me to thinking about so many things. First, I loved the article, but had so much on my mind to say that I thought up a 'whole other tangent'. As I often do....which invariably led me to (OMG...insert ominous music) Start A Thread!

I for some reason cannot wrap my mind around some 'acceptable societal norms' or if you rather, concepts of normalicy. This may have much to do with my childhood and upbrining; and like some others, mine was disturbingly dysfunctional on many levels. It also does not matter to me whether the normalicy ideals come from the Straight or GBLT communities. (communities being a debatable topic).

Let me also say, (before this becomes an article in its own right), I am not known for my "considerably tolerant" attitude. I am human and I fully admit I have limitations especially with other peoples ideas of what is or is not "normal". Besides the fact that I was never exposed to what Society-At-Large :bowdown: deems normal.

I have never considered it my business what anyone else does in their personal life. (This of course assumes we are speaking of consentual adults with regards to sex.)

In religion, sex, marriage, or any other topic you can think of, I usually will be found on some level to divert away from what is 'supposed to be' normal. I usually divert rather quickly away from normal...Those of you who see me in chat and get into a serious convo with me will know what I mean by that....

Keeping all of that tedium in mind...I feel, quite possibly due to sleep deprivation, like sharing some things that absolutely aggrivate the crap out of me.....

Bisexuals get this attitude from the gay community all the time, "Oh, you just don't want to admit you are gay". You can find that attitude put many differing ways at any given moment within that group. Sometimes I think it is precisely because we can pass in the "Straight world" much of the time.

There is no other place with any consistency one can go in my area to meet other bisexuals "out in the open/wild" besides a gay club/bar. This is unfortunate, due to the number of times I have been brushed off simply because of my bisexuality. Oh yeah we have a swingers club or hundred, but I personally have problems with "swinging". For those of you who dig to it, go for it. I can't.

:offtopic: (Side note: Probably make tons of bucks opening a Bi Bar) :offtopic:

The GBLT "community can be, and often are as intolerant and judgemental as the Straight "community".

GBLT "community". This is a complete line of bullshit. Sorry...but let's try to keep perspective. Politically it is a fallacy. I have YET to come across a GBLT "issue list" that I think should be pushed (if I may use that word) on any society. However, I should also add, that GBLT "issues" should not have to be pushed on society IMNSHO. If for no other reason than we are ALL human beings and as such should be able to pursue life, liberty and happiness....(blah blah blah, you all know the rest).

Basically what I mean is that there is not ONE set of ideals that fit every person. Sure, we can have laws like those against murder etc., but why have "special crimes"? Should not ALL life no matter race or sexuality be considered important? I mean I could not care less if the guy killed last week was a gay black male. His life, at least to me, was as important as the hetero white male I live next door to. (true honest equality). ALL murder, no matter who the victim, should be punnished the same.

Which leads me to the whole gay marriage thing....I see no valid reason to deny this right. Seems to me, we should put it to a popular vote if nothing else. I mean come on, it also used to be illegal for a white to marry a black. Up until the late 20th century at that! Yes, it was also a "terrible danger to the values and morals of our country" just like gay marriage is today....blah blah yadda yadda..Uber conservatives get over it. Marriage by definition is a LEGAL issue first and religious issue second...or even later.

Matter of fact I have no clue why we bother to dictate how MANY partners an individual can marry. :banghead: I mean, as humans we did not start naturally as monogamous. Monogamy was a learned (often forced) value.

What this leads me to think is that there are too many peoples noses up too many peoples asses, and not enough people are even sniffing around the right topics!

One female says I'm not femme enough, another says to me I'm not butch enough. Well hell. As a bisexual, poly or mono, (depending upon the people involved), not totally femme or butch female...I am getting really fed up.

Life should not have to be so complicated that our sexuality is a dominating factor in our lives. "Coming Out" ....wow.... I have many ideas concerning the need to "come out"...nuther topic...losing momentum....

I don't fit into boxes. I have not one description that fits my whole life. Anyone who those last two sentences does apply to, really....I don't wanna know them.

Did I make ANY comprehensible sense???

:soapbox:

Hi, this is my first post here and am coming out as Bisexual this week.
Wish me luck!
:flag4: ryan

Enjoyed your ranting! Unfortunately too many folks seem to believe our sexual orientation is the main factor in a persons life. Never really put much thoughts into politics, but having had a 'gay' friend get beat up simply because he was gay is wrong, just as it would have been wrong to beat up a staight guy for being straight. You'll find both good and bad persons in ALL comunities, regardless of what type of comminuty. And is there really anything that is normal in a world full of individuals? Always wonder what society set the standards as to what is or isn't sociall acceptable. AS long as you do not infringe on another person's right, why not be free to live as you see fit. "Coming out", well i never been in, i have always been open about everything, sexuality included. I don't flaunt it, it's not a major factor of my life, but i don't deny it either. Well enough of my own ranting.

hugs n kisses
Lisa

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Heartless01

From Ongoing Conversations article: Warning...probably a rant! :yikes2:

............

:offtopic: (Side note: Probably make tons of bucks opening a Bi Bar) :offtopic:

..............

The GBLT "community can be, and often are as intolerant and judgemental as the Straight "community".

One female says I'm not femme enough, another says to me I'm not butch enough. Well hell. As a bisexual, poly or mono, (depending upon the people involved), not totally femme or butch female...I am getting really fed up.

Life should not have to be so complicated that our sexuality is a dominating factor in our lives. "Coming Out" ....wow.... I have many ideas concerning the need to "come out"...nuther topic...losing momentum....

I don't fit into boxes. I have not one description that fits my whole life. Anyone who those last two sentences does apply to, really....I don't wanna know them.

Did I make ANY comprehensible sense???

:soapbox:

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WOW.......You rant all you want hon....if you open the bar I will be your first customer.....a woman after my own heart.....:compuser:Katie

Excellent...

As soon as I can get the capital, you are sooo invited to my night club Katie!

Hi this is Mandi. I just joined the group yesterday. I have already typed in a personal ad, but it is not being shown on my profile. I will try to type another one again today and see if it shows up. I just want all the Ventura County women on this site (which, currently there are none) to know that I am looking!

I love the article. I understand everything you have went through. I am a bi fem in a monogamous hetero relationship, which, to my mother, means that it was a phase. To others, I'm not privilaged enough to identify with the gay crowd because I am not with a woman, which is really hard because in this small town there is not a bi community to be a part of. My husband is also bi and can't seem to fit in. What do you do? To others, they think it's a joke because I am with a man and they don't understand what bi means, they think it means that I like to have threesomes. (I live in a really small town.) I am comforted to know that I am not alone. Thank you for the outlet.

wb

:bipride:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by darthstudious

Hi, this is my first post here and am coming out as Bisexual this week.
Wish me luck!
:flag4: ryan

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be careful ryan. if you have a wife or a girlfriend, it can destroy her feelings for you. my husband of three mths just told me of past experiences with 2 guys. it crushed me. i love him with all of my heart, and i do not know how to discuss the situation with him without drinking. im 31 years old and have never felt love like this before. he says it was only an experience and only wants to be with me. he also says i've changed his life. i want to cry all the time, even when he says he loves me. he does not know how much i dwell on the conversation that we had when he told me. please ryan, be sure that it is what you want. once it is out, you can never take it back.

I ditto that. Unless your partner is bi-, they WILL NOT understand. I have struggled with being bi- my whole life, and I still don't really understand it! When I feel attracted to a woman I think I must be str8, and when my heart leaps out of my chest at the sight of a beautiful guy, I just know I'm gay -it's a nightmare, and I would give anything to honestly be one way or the other -but I was born this way, it's who I am, and I must not pretend.
Perhaps the only solution is to only date men or women who are also bi (100% str8, 100% gay). Anyone who has had to struggle with this and pursues relationships with individuals who haven't and allows theirself to be perceived as a str8 or a gay, is setting theirself up and letting the rest of us down.

Before talking about the implications of "coming out" I want to ask about "coming out" itself.
The most obvious thing in the world is a secret. If you try to keep one everybody knows it instantly. So why not just be comfortable with who you are. A close friend on mine came out as lesbian, which was cool, but also obvious, way before she came out. Why not let Great Aunt Gladys beleive what she wants of you? Is it neccessary to thrust your sexuality, or lifestyle, depending on how you take it, into other people's faces?
Coming out is really mostly for yourself, to define your self-image, to try to bond with a particular group of people, and it always seems to generate more unhappiness in those closest to you.
For some people I've known , it was done because they were in a bad place emotionally, and felt they had to make a statement, or do just anything. That's not a good time to take an action like that.
Making a statement about yourself give more fuel, not less, to those who want to misinterpret, or downright slander, you. If somebody wants to know, why not just answer them honestly when they ask? The flip-side, of course is that those who've come out often demand that other come out (sometimes regardless of whether they're in or not). For Bi's it can be very tricky since bisexulaity is a grey area, unless you cavort & cohabit exclusively in threes.
I understand that it's a difficult issue for the individual, but I don't see the connection to making public statements. Not that i'm against anyone identifying themselves in any way that they want, I just don't always get the issue.

Hello, I am new to the group, and have never joined a site like this before. I browsed several and this one seemed to have a lot of honest, respectful and intelligent postings. I read a lot of them, and I appreciate and identify with much of what has been said. I also read the article and think it was well written and generally made me feel more comfortable with who I am. Being a new writer and having a lot of pent up stuff to let out, I kind of went overboard in my response. Instead of a really long post, I decided to attach this as a pdf file. Hope this works.
sam

Amazing. I am impressed. I do not think I have ever seen such intellegent conversations regarding the bisexual issue. I myself have always had the urges, and fantasies. I hated myself for them though. When I met my wife, we talked about our fantasies one day, and she told me that she wanted to try a woman. I told her that I was the same way.

Just coming out to her, and us exploring the idea was a huge help to me. I have since then explored this fantasy, and no longer is it just a fanstasy. I am bi.

I still have a hard time with the emotions of being with someone else, aside from each other. She still has not had her chance, by the way. We are still learning from each other.

The responces from everyone here, made such sense and understanding....thank you all.

First off- Wow. I'm really quite impressed with this author. Ya mind if I post a few paragraphs of it in my blog? I don't want to get sued for doing anything illegal, here...

Secondly, this is my first time to ever visit this site, let alone join a site upon first seeing. But this one just kind of grabbed me. I'm bi in a very, VERY conservative part of Texas. My coming out was actually an accident.. I never meant to tell my mother that soon.

We were fighting about something, and she asked me what the deal was with Logen, my ex-girlfriend. So I blurted out that we'd been together for 9 months and couldn't be happier. Two months later she sent me to a psychiatrist and told him to "fix" me. Interestingly enough, he saw no problem with my sexuality. Says something, doesn't it...

Here's hoping that this site will be a helpful place for me when I hit rough patches!

First of all I must say well done to the writer.I thoroughly enjoyed it!
" For myself the monogamy question is easy I am married and I have a steady girlfriend. I love them both and we all seem to share one belief love and sex are 2 seperate things"
I am really curious how that works...I have a fiance that I love and we'll probably get married soon yet a few years ago I fell for my best friend and came to realize taht I am bisexual.I am not really sure how to tie togheter this too loose knots of my life...I love them both so much and it's impossible to choose ...It is even more difficult as she is more on the straight side and we had a tone of problems because of our feelings towards each other..she loves me very much yet she is scared of the physical part of the relationship so it is an emotional rollercoaster...many times...and sometimes it gets quite ugly...
If you can share with me how you went through the process and help me maybe see things from your perspective...I hope I can find a bit of peace and some sort of solution.

Indeed, a very thought provoking and intelligent discussion, does a body proud :) , Main thing is Keep it simple for yourself lifewise, if yer heads screwed on straight, and yer hearts in the right place, lots of poly thinking does help in this regard. *cheers*

I have been kinda lucky in that the few friends I have come out to as Bi have been understanding and supportive. I am currently in an open relationship with a bi woman. I have found that I have always been polyamourous and that has cause alot of problems in former relationships because of the misunderstanding that because I find men attractive and sexually pleasing as much as women that I am a closet gay. Not true by any means. I was born this way because of genetics not because I am a sex craved pervert or a slut. Maybe someday people will understand that gay, bi or straight isnt something you choose but it is as ingrained in you as your hair color and eye color. Bi the way there are no straight contacts. :tong:
I am newer to the Bisexual community because I have tried to keep it hidden for so long. But here I am and I will no longer go silently into the night.
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Yet again a very interesting and thought-provoking article. Keep them coming!!