Bi Mother's Death

So here I am 69-year-old bisexual. Glad that it is not so highly unusual today to be bi. My mother, born in 1920 and died 1995 had a very troubled life with her sexuality. In the early 30’s, she was in Catholic school and some of the nuns regularly messed with her. Earlier than that, she was a big strong masculine girl and experienced sex at early age – older men or girls…not sure.
She lived in a time that was very difficult for bi women…I wish she could’ve been younger at this time…. difficult, but more accepting. She was married to my father for 20 years, but after a few kids I believe she started seeing some women again. Like me, I’m sure she loved eating pussy…what’s not to like? From the late 60’s, she became full time lesbian and had a live together with a partner. But they also had relationship problems and in early 90’s they split. Drinking and other wild risky behavior her whole life (though she was a recovered alcoholic for 30 years) but still – the pressures of the lifestyle in those times was hard.

In 1995 she killed herself (she had tried multiple times through the years, but finally got it right). Guilt over her sexuality was always a part of it…just days before her suicide she had visited a lesbian counseling center…the papers were in her apartment…so up until the end, her sexuality troubled her.

I was devastated by her death, but in a way it has helped me to realize my own bisexual roots. I had college friends who also were gay/bi and killed themselves…again, a terrible waste.

I’m pleased to see so many other men and women here on this site. Sure, a lot of our talk is sex and about getting horny (which we all do) watching porn (so good to watch any kind of sex in action) and how we enjoy our different pleasures we’ve had (or fantasize about them) – but in any case, we have the privilege to openly express how we feel to interested parties. Myself, I am a finely tuned cocksucker and cum swallower – and if available, can eat pussy till it cums multiple times (once did my wife 30+ times years ago) – but, wife has completely sexually shut down. So for last 4 years I’ve loved sucking cock.

So, it all works out. We should all be proud experiencing the sex we’ve had and yet to have. It is wonderful that we are such sexual creatures and we can experience so many different forms. My wish is for you to move on with your sexual experiences and never have to succumb to all the pressures that killed my mother.

A very interesting post, I suppose it make us thank goodness we live in a some what more enlightened age. It’s a great shame your mother was unable live her life on her terms .

Guys online don't like to talk about this much, but yes, this is a real issue and a real thing.
It is easy to conclude that being a sexual minority increases your risk of mental health issues.
But it is more complex than that.

Until very recently, being a sexual minority meant being closeted, and living a lie.
Or being a social outcast, without family, church, children, love - probably dying alone.
And that's not enough, you'll also go to hell.

But not anymore, things are changing.
Sexual minorities poured out of the woodwork decades ago, and formed communities.
People below a certain age just don't care about their parent's religion or homophobia.
LGBT people today have more access to healthcare than their predecessors.

I love being out. Hope that in the future, everyone can be out.

When you say, "regularly messed with her," do you mean what I think you mean? Bisexuals have been around just as long as homosexuals have and even way back then, you didn't hear much about the men and women who went both ways and in a time when such behavior was less acceptable than anything we experience today. I'm not so sure that we are as enlightened as we think we are about this but today's bisexuals just aren't of a mind to let sexuality prejudice get in the way and stop them from expressing themselves the way they need to despite the continued fear mongering that prevails.

It is easy to believe that LGBT kids got messed up in the catholic church back in the day. The sexual abuse was real.

But the more universal abuse was teaching little catholic kids to forever associate sexuality with sin.

My niece told me a story of nuns raping my mother....we hear a lot of news on priests and little boys, but crap has also gone on for years in Catholic boarding schools (and I'm sure others) where women took advantage of young girls. It must have devastated her (or pre-disposed her?) In any case, since I really was bi at 7 years-old, I'm not sure it would've bothered me so much if it happened to me....I've always felt all kinds of sex was great, just spent most my adult life as hetero....but much happier to be bi. My wife however, Christian conservative homo-phobe would really die if I weren't so deep in closet.

you know, even if you like same sex partners. Unwanted sex with anyone can bring some for of distraught.

Thank you for sharing that story. It’s unclear to me the extent to which your mothers same sex (or opposite sex for that matter) sexual experiences were consensual...and it’s far too late to get an accurate sense of that now. Hell, she may not even have been able to say, confidently/accurately. But whatever was the case, it’s clear that she internalized some level of alternate sexuality that she found difficult/impossible to live with; which is terribly sad. But it is indeed a beautiful thing that it is so much less difficult today for those of us with non-hetero sexualities to make choices, take actions, and be ourselves in ways that are fulfilling. It is wonderful that her pain and ultimately her death has helped you to understand yourself and what you enjoy so much better...I suspect she’d be happy knowing that.

It’s a difficult life for many people who are homosexual or bisexual growing up in the US. My father was predominantly homosexual and came of age in the 1950s. He had great difficulty accepting himself and was an alcoholic as an adult. I’ve had my own share of wrestling with my sexuality over the years and I grew up in a slightly more accepting world. We are slowly making progress.

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Originally Posted by Annika L

Thank you for sharing that story. It’s unclear to me the extent to which your mothers same sex (or opposite sex for that matter) sexual experiences were consensual...and it’s far too late to get an accurate sense of that now. Hell, she may not even have been able to say, confidently/accurately. But whatever was the case, it’s clear that she internalized some level of alternate sexuality that she found difficult/impossible to live with; which is terribly sad. But it is indeed a beautiful thing that it is so much less difficult today for those of us with non-hetero sexualities to make choices, take actions, and be ourselves in ways that are fulfilling. It is wonderful that her pain and ultimately her death has helped you to understand yourself and what you enjoy so much better...I suspect she’d be happy knowing that.

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Thanks for kind words...I believe she had a lot of issues...many from dealing with the rejection of her father and death of her mother when 3, and the wicked drunken step mother factor...all of this wrapped up in multiple sexual experiences, female and male when a child.

She did become a consenting woman bisexual, but she had men (my father) also. I believe the perceptions of the times and her own sexual proclivities with everything else was hard to bear,,,so several times during her life she did try suicide.

I, was the youngest and living home alone with her at 14 (and also HUGELY sexual) once came home from friends house (who I sucked regularly) when she thought I was spending the night, I caught her in bed with someone (I didn't know it was a woman) and next day she confronted me and said she would go get help (never saying what it was) if I wanted her to. Really confused me because here she was divorced for 5+ years and I thought she had some guy in her bed - no big deal - but then I figured it out that it was a woman ( again in my highly sexualized adolescence, no big deal since I also loved sucking cock and fucking women). So her big fear was coming out bi to her son...and I really didn't care.

That was the kind of guilt she carried about it all and I'm so sorry that her life was that way.

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Originally Posted by voltaire

It’s a difficult life for many people who are homosexual or bisexual growing up in the US. My father was predominantly homosexual and came of age in the 1950s. He had great difficulty accepting himself and was an alcoholic as an adult. I’ve had my own share of wrestling with my sexuality over the years and I grew up in a slightly more accepting world. We are slowly making progress.

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So much been there done that....I really feel for those in 30's-60's prime having to deal with the crazy homophobia in this country (which is still in many places) - not to mention the pressure to smoke and drink. So sorry for the pain your father dealt with - yes, I also first hand saw the sexuality conflict. While my wife is one of those existing homophobes, and I'm still deep in closet (no one knows except my partners) I can say that I am proud to claim here that I am bi. Last year I was getting tested at health department for STD's and the nurse asked me if I were bisexual (first straight person to do so) and I was pleased to tell her "Yes." Felt good...only wish my mother could have experienced that in her life. No big deal...but yes, very big deal for people of that era in USA.

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Originally Posted by playful808

But the more universal abuse was teaching little catholic kids to forever associate sexuality with sin.

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First of all, my condolences on the loss of your mom. We just lost my mother-in-law in the last few days and it wasn't easy. Even at 94 and having a good run, you still feel bad. It will a lot of take time to recover.

I feel I'm living proof of this Catholic sexual paranoia. My mom was an old-school Italian Catholic and my dad was somewhat meek and deferred to her ruling the roost.

For as long as I could remember, I was made paranoid about sex of any kind. As soon as I started getting out of the house after school for sports or hanging with friends, I became hyper-sexually active. Playing with jock buddies who were all horned up, as well as with girls. I later met an older girl who put a pass on me and we spent a summer with me learning about sex from an older mature teacher, who happened to also be on the pill for acne. Working as a musician on the road and on cruise ships gave me an unreal opportunity to meet men, women and couples and play.

Through most of my adult life I've been a horn-dog, yet I married an Italian-Catholic conservative girl. Not paranoid but to some extent, hesitant to do anything outside what she was taught was normal.

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Originally Posted by NjbiGuy01

Through most of my adult life I've been a horn-dog, yet I married an Italian-Catholic conservative girl. Not paranoid but to some extent, hesitant to do anything outside what she was taught was normal.

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Yes...I too am married to a very conservative christian dominant woman. I understand what it is to deal with, and really love my getaways to swallow a load now and then...also, don't know about your wife but about 8 years ago mine became completely hands off. I'd love to still eat her pussy, but that is just not an option...so swallowing cum is what I'm always looking for.

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Originally Posted by oralswallow65

Yes...I too am married to a very conservative christian dominant woman. I understand what it is to deal with, and really love my getaways to swallow a load now and then...also, don't know about your wife but about 8 years ago mine became completely hands off. I'd love to still eat her pussy, but that is just not an option...so swallowing cum is what I'm always looking for.

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I should add that my wife was molested as a child by a neighbor, which left scars on her. Certain things trigger those memories. It's something we try to work around, but at-times it's frustrating...Coming up behind her at the sink and resting my cock on her crack and reaching down to touch her womanhood was a tripping point, totally upset.."that's how HE touched me"...we're trying to work it out but it's a challenge. She's learned to enjoy oral (which thankfully I love to do), and slowly getting used to toys on and in us both...but it can be rough.

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Originally Posted by NjbiGuy01

I should add that my wife was molested as a child by a neighbor, which left scars on her. Certain things trigger those memories. It's something we try to work around, but at-times it's frustrating...Coming up behind her at the sink and resting my cock on her crack and reaching down to touch her womanhood was a tripping point, totally upset.."that's how HE touched me"...we're trying to work it out but it's a challenge. She's learned to enjoy oral (which thankfully I love to do), and slowly getting used to toys on and in us both...but it can be rough.

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Sorry for your issues and sorry for the trauma for your wife. I do hope you can work through it and you can learn to enjoy each other even more.

I’ve heard great things about EMDR therapy for dealing with traumatic history. Perhaps finding a therapist with that expertise could help your wife reframe the history vs. your appropriate intimacy.

I hope there is a special place for those that abuse children.

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Originally Posted by CurEUs_Male

I’ve heard great things about EMDR therapy for dealing with traumatic history. Perhaps finding a therapist with that expertise could help your wife reframe the history vs. your appropriate intimacy.

I hope there is a special place for those that abuse children.

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My wife? She is so sweet in some ways but therapy wouldn't be a possibility. I once got her to go to therapy one time with me and during our session with the therapist she got mad and stormed out. If something just slightly doesn't fit her world or view she goes off like a hand grenade - were talking like me asking her not to squirt too,much mustard on my sandwich she's making (which she has to do since I'm not allowed to cook at all) - resulted in her throwing sandwich down, yelling and stomping off then coming back half-hour later and wanting me to have lunch with her. It is so absurd how many really stupid things she blows up about, and of course, she always tries to turn on me that it is something I did.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Ma.

This past Summer I did a lot of reading on the Native Americans, and how they were forcibly relocated. There were so many stories of Nuns who raped both young Native American Girls and boys. Reading about this truly sadden me.

I'm glad that the World is a lot more open, and accepting, then when I was a Teenager. ( I'm cautiously Optimistic)

I'm glad that I've explored my Sexuality, as it has opened doors for me, to things that I had only read about, to then go on to experiencing them. I have had a very interesting and rewarding life in the last 25 years, just from exploring my sexuality.

My Hope for every one who reads this post is this: Live your life without regrets, and be happy with who you are. :bibounce:

Warmly,
A.