Married guy needs some advice...

I’m posting this because I’m in very desperate need of some advice on my situation, and I’m hoping that any of the older married guys here who have some experience with this sort of thing can offer some advice. I’m going to try to be as brief as possible, but bear with me because there’s a bit to talk about.


I’m a married 38 y/o with two beautiful children. My wife and I are madly in love, we are each other’s best friends, and we have a great sex life. I am very happy and blessed in all aspects of my life. However, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always had this thing for penis. I have always been hyper focused on girls (and have had more opportunities in my life to explore this, but didn’t for some reason), and it’s very hard to explain really, but I’ve never been attracted to guys per se and for me it’s almost like I have this fetish for penis or something. I totally get that I am bisexual in some way, but I’m kind of lost as to where I fall with only a purely sexual attraction to dudes and a complete focus on the dick. I’m not into anal or kissing or anything like that, just the idea of basically worshipping a cock.


For me, I think there are a couple keys things here that I believe have a huge part in why I like penis so much. One was an experience I had as a small boy with another friend playing one day where we used to suck each other’s penises. The other thing is that, when I was around 13 years old or so I discovered how to suck on my own penis. And I did it a lot for many years up until I was maybe in my younger twenties. Then when I was around 21 y/o I actually had a very nice experience with an older guy where we sucked each other. And I had a girlfriend of many years who was into this and helped me to explore it a lot, although we never actually did anything.


Right around the age of 26 or so I became religious and met my now wife and had some very good things happening in my life, and for whatever reason I just wasn’t really thinking about the penis thing for about ten years or so. I definitely had some random instances where I’d watch blow job porn, but for the most part I’ve been policing myself for quite a while. Flash forward to about a year ago or so. Due to kids and life and crazy schedules, sex between my wife and I had become a little predictable and few and far between. I eventually talked to her about how I wanted to have more sex, and we ended up having a phenomenal heart to heart and shared many fantasies. One of the things I admitted to her was that I was extremely turned on by thinking about her with other guys. She was actually very open to the idea of exploring the fantasy, and the next thing you know we were on adult friend finder looking for guys.


About a couple of months into this, I admitted to her that I was very turned on by looking at all the dick pics. Unfortunately this didn’t go very well, and she kind of freaked out about it, and after talking very little about it we agreed to just not talk about it. After about two weeks of awkwardly ignoring the elephant in the room, she actually came to me about it one day. My amazing wife told me that she’d been thinking about the whole thing and reading a lot about it, and decided that, not only was she ok with it and wanted me to explore it, but it also really turned her on to think about it. We did end up exploring it a lot. With her amazing encouragement she let me find and save as many dick pics as I wanted, and we often looked at pics or videos of dicks or guy’s giving each other blow jobs while we had sex.


We eventually decided we wanted to make this happen for me, so our search for guys for her shifted to us finding a guy for me. We explored all this stuff for about a year, and then one day we both talked about it and decided not to do it anymore. I think we were both mostly feeling bad because of our religious beliefs, so we literally just dropped the whole thing like a hot potato.


Recently, and really ever since I stopped talking about it with my wife, I’ve been thinking about penis a lot. It’s gotten to the point that I’m almost afraid I’m going to be tempted to do something at some point of my life. And I keep on going back and forth between wanting to just accept this as part of me, and wanting to try to forget about it. Now, very recently we started talking about the hot wife fantasy again and my wife is ok with that because she said she feels we can healthily explore that fantasy without having to do anything really crazy. And I’m so torn between wanting to talk to her about my penis thing and just not ever bringing it up again. I know that she loves me so much and isn’t going anywhere, and would accept this either way if I told her that I really needed it in my life. But, the problem is that I’m so conflicted with whether or not I do actually want it in my life. Sometimes I really do and my cravings for penis get really intense, and other times I can just kind of keep it in the background. I feel completely stuck as to how I should move forward with this.

Talk to your wife, good luck. Tell her everything you wrote here.

i can kinda relate except i'm single. it took me years to accept it's ok for me to have some kinda attraction to the same sex. it really is ok to have these feelings. unfortunately some elements of society think it's wrong. alot of it comes from religion. i'm religious too but i've learned religion is made of people & sometimes religions have there own agendas outside of the god they claim to worship. i'm not necessarily saying u should go for it. if u talk with ur wife & u both agree it's ok for u to look into it again great. u seem to have a very supportive wife. (if ur wife ever happens to have any interest in the same sex i hope ur as supportive!) i think she supports the fact that ur attracted to men, or at least there most important part lmao! so do i. don't give up on god, but give up on the idea ur not allowed to like something that comes natural to u & doesn't harm anyone, just because someone in authority who has no idea who u are has decided it for u.
and i agree u should share all of this with ur wife too. she sees how much a part of ur sexuality this is.

I believe that my fascination with males came from the fact that my earliest sexual experimentation was with boys my own age in my early teens. I had no negative experiences, all were very exciting and erotic. Of course, like you I moved on to women and eventually married and like you, still had a fascination with masturbating and sucking cock. So I assumed I was bisexual most of my life. My wife and I talked and she was turned on by my stories of adolescent sex with my friends. We also talked about bringing a male friend in to our bed (mfm threesome). We did that for some time and we enjoyed it. While he was with my wife, I got to experiment with him orally. I was not really into it after all! It was a fantasy and that was all. I got a bigger kick from watching him and my wife doing things together. My wife and I still enjoy looking at pictures of cocks together and she encourages me to meet a guy and fulfill my fantasy, but not as interested as I once was. So maybe your wife needs to let you find a guy, probably a bi guy to allow the two of you to experiment a little. The reality is your fantasies are probably better than the reality.

If you'll forgive me for stating the obvious, your problem is religion. Or more specifically, the restrictions imposed on you by a blind belief in a Bronze Age mythology. If you can open your minds enough to see the inherent inconsistencies and contradictions in every major religion, you can take the first step to release yourself from the self-imposed guilt that is causing you so much cognitive dissonance.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ghw132

I believe that my fascination with males came from the fact that my earliest sexual experimentation was with boys my own age in my early teens. I had no negative experiences, all were very exciting and erotic. Of course, like you I moved on to women and eventually married and like you, still had a fascination with masturbating and sucking cock. So I assumed I was bisexual most of my life. My wife and I talked and she was turned on by my stories of adolescent sex with my friends. We also talked about bringing a male friend in to our bed (mfm threesome). We did that for some time and we enjoyed it. While he was with my wife, I got to experiment with him orally. I was not really into it after all! It was a fantasy and that was all. I got a bigger kick from watching him and my wife doing things together. My wife and I still enjoy looking at pictures of cocks together and she encourages me to meet a guy and fulfill my fantasy, but not as interested as I once was. So maybe your wife needs to let you find a guy, probably a bi guy to allow the two of you to experiment a little. The reality is your fantasies are probably better than the reality.

---

very interesting experiance. i wonder if my fantasy is beter than what my reality will be? of course i won't use that for a reason not to try :impleased

Above anything else you must think alot about it. My ex and I had done many 3ways, and she wanted to see me suck a cock. I did and loved it. You may realize that you don't, and what if you wife found out. I am remarried and this wife wants nothing to do with me giving oral, so i have on sucked off a guy twice in 15 years. would love to do more often, but Truthfully, I haven't met anyone that i trust or is worth the chance

mpine58, If I were you I would go forward with the fantasy of your wife and another man. Once this moved forward, then she may be far more open to you exploring your fantasy again. I wish my wife would be open to sex with another man, but it's not going to happen. She knows that I am bisexual, but prefers that I don't discuss what I have done or my fantasies. It's odd, as when she was younger, she was seriously bi-curious. Perhaps menopause changed all that through the hormones. I still love to suck cock, even though I am more attracted to women than men. Life is too short not to explore your fantasies. Good luck from Western Massachusetts!

"Life is too short not to explore your fantasies. "

thank u!

which reminds me i really wish i had the mind to be open to experement with guys while i was in college. so many other guys i'm sure in the same situation. so if any younger people are reading this i encourage u to consider ur hangups are not real & be open to explore new things. but do it safely!

mpine58, I can relate in a lot of ways with you. Except that I am single. Like you I also have a strong desire and fascination for cock. I search for and look at more cock pictures than anything else. Right now I have 15 tabs open that all have either a cock picture, pictures or video of cock sucking or is about cock sucking. I don't find the man himself sexy but I find nothing else on another man sexier than his cock. I want to feel in my mouth, on my tongue and my lips wrapped around it. Unlike you also I have never had the pleasurable experience.

My cock desires started 10+ years ago. As a kid I would lay naked with a childhood friend but that was the closest I have been. But the desires for cock were not there. That was many years ago.

When I was a teenager a friend had touched himself under a blanket one time and under a pillow another time when we were alone. I didn't say anything other than asking him what he was doing. We both laughed about it both times and left it at that. There is a good chance that it was already in the back of my mind at that time. He would talk about how his cock was 9 inches and now I wish I had seen proof of that claim. It did look ever bit of it under the blanket.

I grew up religious, albeit not very religious in that everything must be this way and no other way but the teachings have been instilled in my raising. I don't have any guilt for looking at pictures of cock or having the desire to suck on one but the feeling of guilt is there if I do actually do it. We are all human and there will always be something that we will feel guilty about. And desires and needs are no different.

Being married and very much in love with your wife making that decision to fullfill your needs and desires are something that the two of you would have to both agree to. That would help you feel more relieved if she does completely agree with the idea.

Take your time and don't push or rush it. And I hope that a cock in your mouth will cum true in the near future.

Thank you so much for the advice and input from everyone so far. As far as the religious stuff goes, it is very hard because there is a certain amount of guilt that can accompany these types of desires. I don’t want to spend too much time on the subject, but I will say that I’ve arrived at a place where I believe that God loves me no matter what and I’m not going to live my life with constant guilt over something that feels so natural and gives me lots of joy and pleasure. Of course this sort of thing can run very deep and be very complicated and different for each person, but that’s what I’ll say about it for now.
Anywho... I have some good news to share. I spoke to my wife yesterday and told her that I’ve been thinking about dick a lot and she took it very well. We didn’t talk about it as much as I wanted to but I told her I’d like to talk more about it and she’s on board so I’m just waiting patiently to hopefully go more in-depth with her about it today. This morning she told me she loves me more than ever and emphasized that she loves everything about me, which is her way of reassuring me that it’s ok that I love penis. I’ll hopefully have more updates soon!

One for you mpine58. Good luck.

https://78.media.tumblr.com/c41eebf1...x5to1_1280.jpg

That’s great! I’ve found my wife is even more turned on. Now that this is back in our lives she is certainly hornier!

Your wife sounds very understanding of your fantasies, desires and needs. I think as she undstands those and loves you no matter what your feeling of guilt will begin to drop. You feeling that God loves you also matter what will also help you.

Right now it may not be easy but it will. No matter the decision you make.