bi married guys -- anyone have a regular "friend with benefits"?

Hi everyone, I'm just asking this question to see if bi attached / married guys prefer to have a long-term 1-on-1 with another guy, or if they like to just meet up randomly.

Myself, I have a "special friend", another married guy that I meet up with regularly. It has been about 3 years now. It's been very hot and erotic. Also, there's the knowledge that because it's just the 2 of us, there's less potential for risks.

Any thoughts?

I've always preferred LTRs, whether I was married, or not. I'm the kind of person who can't get into a relationship unless I know and trust a person. I need to know their quirks, interests, and desires, no matter what gender they are. A mutual interest and desire really has to be evident, before a relationship would be inviting to me.

In my youth, I had one anonymous encounter and, even though we both achieved our carnal goals, it was not a rewarding experience for me.

You are lucky to have that special connection with your lover.

i have had a couple over the years. mostly short lived, both were guys who wanted oral, but were self conscious about having a guy doing it. a regular friend would be my ideal due to safety and discretion concerns. making it happen is a whole other deal. ends up being easier to just hook up from time to time.

Good sex........memorable sex is with someone who knows your favorite color.....yeah, a ltr is absolutely it. Not to say you could not add some friends in the mix.....but the best and safest sex is to find a partner who loves the same things you do.......a person you trust......and a person who leaves you completely fulfilled. That is hard to find and a quickie or a one night stand in my opinion does not do that. It could occur on a rare basis, but usually not.
It takes time to learn and know a lover and build the trust.
Have I done a quickie or one night stand? Yeah and it was good, but the best is with a like minded ltr or at least that is my opinion.
I will close with this......all sex is good, but some is better than others.......

Definitely agree that LTR is the way to go. Sometimes we dive straight in and have a hot time and on other occasions we lead up to it slowly, both knowing exactly how it will end up. Hell we even talk to each during or fun. :) It is so much easier to read the mood and pace the fun accordingly. Each to their own of course and I am not closed to casual encounters if they feel right.

I would love to find a regular to play with,but its hard when your married and can't host,also during the weekdays.......but i'm still looking

I'm working on it ... still :tongue:

Hi - I've not been around on this site for a long time, but logged in tonight, saw this posting and wanted to approach it from a slightly different angle. I'm lucky to have had a couple of longer term relationships (i.e. in my case that means lasting several months), but whilst I've appreciated the positive aspects that go with them, I've found they seriously compromised my marriage. Now before anyone says "well any contact compromises marriage", I find it easier to distance the odd casual encounter from my married life, than when having got closer to another guy. My gut instinct is that if you are looking for a serious LTR with someone of the same sex, you need to seriously question whether to stay married. For me, two LTRs is one too many, in my own experience the other guy at some point loses out and it causes hurt all round. That's personal and I'm never going to say what is or isn't right for someone else. More than interested to hear anyone else's views on this...

I"d rather have a LTR with a like-minded married friend than anything short term. Much less chance of STD's and you can get it more often. I'v had one-offs with friends who freaked out after our one night of fun, and that is a drag. I don't have any one at this time, but I keep my eyes open...I really could use a blowjob buddy!

I've recently meet a guy with whom an LTR is definitely a possibility. We've been together a few times and I'm really hoping it works out. He's a really nice person and fabulous in the sack. Wished we lived about 30 minutes closer together than we do.
g

Although I agree that ANY contact can and does put a strain on the marriage, I still prefer a LTR relationship with one guy. That is what I have now, and it's lasted almost a year. The trick is to introduce him to your wife, let her approve him first. My guy really likes my wife, and she really likes him. They get along wonderfully, though she still has a bit of the insecurities. Now his partner? Well, he's having a tough time with it too. And believe it or not, my wife looks for ways to alieve his partner's worries. What I'm in is called a "closed loop relationship". Not ideal for everyone, but for us, certianly better than me going for randon, anonymous hook ups.

I have an occasional "suck buddy", same guy but not too regular (wish it was more regular!):tongue:

I started man2man with a good buddy 4 years ago, and we meet every couple months and often find time to play. He lives 2 hrs away, so its not a weekly afair.

Other than that I've met some very nice married guys locally who I chat with on the phone, and just have fun talking about mansex.

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Originally Posted by GSP156

I've recently meet a guy with whom an LTR is definitely a possibility. We've been together a few times and I'm really hoping it works out. He's a really nice person and fabulous in the sack. Wished we lived about 30 minutes closer together than we do.
g

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Me too. And that is what I want.
My wife knows all about it. It does not seem to be straining our marriage.

Quick hookups have little appeal to me. I want to get to know the guy and be friends, too.
He has a GF who knows, too. I hope we may all four get together for some social activites, too.

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Originally Posted by mooon

Me too. And that is what I want.
My wife knows all about it. It does not seem to be straining our marriage.

Quick hookups have little appeal to me. I want to get to know the guy and be friends, too.
He has a GF who knows, too. I hope we may all four get together for some social activites, too.

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Had an relationship in the past. It was awsome but my consiece started getting to me. I'm in the process of coming out to my wife now. She's trying to except that I'm Bi and I'm greatful for that. She may never allow me to be with anyone again but at least I don't have to hide anymore. Of course the guy I was seeing doesn't agree with what I'm doing and he probably will never tell his wife. It's hard to walk away from that relationship but being honest is more important to me.

offers himself as a discreet friend with (ongoing) benefits.... :bigrin:

Absolutely the best. I am in one now and it is hot! My wife knows I am bi so I can host. He and I both know what nuances turn each other on the most and we use that knowledge to to get each other red hot.

I have had two other LTRs and they too were very hot. Sad thing is when it's over, finding another is very tough. craigslist is full of blow-and-go types. What a waste!

I hope my man stays for years. Imagine all the cum he can give me in two, three or four years! I love it!

Everyone's posted some good points ... I have to say that for us married guys it's not an easy path to follow.

My conscience really bothers me a lot about it. I felt like that person who said an anonymous encounter is easier because you can separate it from your personal life. You can "compartmentalize" it and just put it away. But with a LTR it's more difficult. Lots of questions have come up in my mind -- should I end my marriage over this? At what point is it too much of a burden for me to carry? Can I just leave the bi-life behind and just never have man-sex again?

Problem is my LTR friend is a FANTASTIC lover, also a devoted married family man. In essence, we have almost the perfect set-up. But it's tough on my conscience.

I feel so....bizarre because I am out, my wife is ok with it, and I am looking for a LTR.

I can't imagine trying to sneak around having sex with a lover while wondering if I got my story straight, left something up on the computer that indicates I am having gay sex, to the horror of my spouse.

I don't think its worth ending a relationship for, but honesty takes a huge burden off your shoulders and you can live peacefully if done right. Its not that you are bisexual, its that you snuck around behind her back or his back doing it.

That's the killer. The infidelity.

indenver_indenver....I am jealous! married here and it is very hard to find that regular guy. I am still looking and when I find the right guy I hope it lasts a looong time! I fantasize about sucking cock and swallowing cum every day!

hi yes I have someone and we meet once aweek for great sex but time is to short with him just as it get joyable it time to go only an hour or so

Having a LT FWB would be ideal. But, I think tough to juggle with family and marriage. Coming out to the wife is not an option. For me, a monthly meeting with someone in the same boat would work, for all the obvious reasons primarily less disease risk.

Oh well, still looking......... ;)

i have been sitting here trying to think how i was going to respond to two other threads, finally decided i could handle this one better than the others...

from the first guy i was with, to the last, it is has always been a one-on-one ltr, no other guy even considered. i do not and have never, liked the one-night stand. i have had three thinking something would grow from it, and met with major heartbreak.

my last love lasted 12 years, before the woman who become my wife, during the dating and falling in love, and through the first years of my marriage. he and i tried to maintain it even after he fell hard for the woman that became his wife, but after the first year or so it was too obvious that she was an extremely possesive control freak, and that i was too much of a threat to what she sought; however, my guy only saw the good, made excuses for her behavior, etc. finally, he told me that they were going to move to colorado, but that our love would last; it didnt, but as that story would fill more pages than i care to dedicate to, soon it was over, and with it came all the loneliness, emptiness, pain, so on. then, about a little more than a year after that, i heard from another friend that he had died in a car accident. there was no one to turn to, no one that i felt would ever understand, so i did what all good men are taught, bear it like a man, tough it out.

damn, do i miss that guy, every damn second of my life, and will until i am no more. now that is about all i can deal with tonite...

Wish.... Been lookng for long but, nothing yet. It would be sweet to have someone sharing trust, common interests, with whom able to carry on conversations about this and that, and dive into sex play without reservations...
Oh well. Some day maybe.:suave:

Our ultimate goal is to find a third for a LTR with the both of us. We have run into a problem: Mrs. Pasa and I have different tastes in men! *shock*

Any guys out there under 45 into BBWs and hairy guys and looking for an LTR? :tong:

Pasa

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Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2

Our ultimate goal is to find a third for a LTR with the both of us. We have run into a problem: Mrs. Pasa and I have different tastes in men! *shock*

Any guys out there under 45 into BBWs and hairy guys and looking for an LTR? :tong:

Pasa

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You're not alone in having different tastes from your partner Pasa.. when I was still active in the Labour Party, a new woman member who was in a same sex relationship with another woman joined and I got to know her pretty well. She liked younger very smooth and fit nordic types and her partner tall rugged dark of her own age and older. She also fancied the rocks off tall muscular black men. They had been looking for suitable FWB's to suit both when I first met them and that was 3 years ago.. they are still looking.. although last time I spoke to her they had compromised and had had several encounters with compromise candidates which had so far been founding wanting.. I think the poor guys are still wanting but they aren't getting any more...

Kate by the way has no particular idea of what she fancies.. she just fancies owt under 40 thats fit, not foul mouthed, looks after himself, not too hairy and is intelligent.. no we don't have that kind of relationship as you know but no harm in drooling if you like that sort of thing.. I do enough over me own sex so can't grudge her her little pleasures.. in the days when I was interested in lesser mortals I had similar tastes to her so I reckon we could probably work something out if we ever embarked on that road.. but am spoiled by the vision of JD and no man can hold a candle to him for me, apart from maybe Kaka in the World Cup .. a candle maybe so he can find his way round the bedroom in the dark maybe but in no other way...

Its if I could somehow persuade her to have a mutal FWB who was female I would have trouble.. THERE we have very different tastes indeed...

And what do I end up with? A spoilt, four foot nothing, scrawny, argumentative, profligate, clothes hanger! What I did that was so sinful in a previous life to deserve this I don't know.:(

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Originally Posted by CuddlyKate

And what do I end up with? A spoilt, four foot nothing, scrawny, argumentative, profligate, clothes hanger! What I did that was so sinful in a previous life to deserve this I don't know.:(

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..am not 4' nuthin.. cow!!! :tong:

I don't know if I'm lucky or not but I have 3 "friends" one I have known for 25+ years, and have been having sex with him all along, and two others from this site. We get together about once a month and have lunch then get a motel room and have a fun afternoon. You have seen the pics on here of our get togethers. I think it's fun to have a bunch of married guys with the same way of thinking. No emotional stuff just good old fashoned MMMM sex. There's nothing better than making a good friend cum really hard and good. Makes all involved feel good.

Oh yeah!

A regular guy is the best. Preferrably another bi married guy.
I find the quick hookup thing kind of empy.

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

Hi everyone, I'm just asking this question to see if bi attached / married guys prefer to have a long-term 1-on-1 with another guy, or if they like to just meet up randomly.

Myself, I have a "special friend", another married guy that I meet up with regularly. It has been about 3 years now. It's been very hot and erotic. Also, there's the knowledge that because it's just the 2 of us, there's less potential for risks.

Any thoughts?

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I prefer a LTR. Sex with a friend is always best :) It also does cut down on the risks that is for sure. I would like to find a married friend for a LTR.

There was a group on yahoo called "Closed Loop" cant seem to find it anymore. Anyone know of that group and what happened to it?

Wow, more people than I thought enjoy long term relationships. I do as well. Although, I have had about three quickies. Enjoyed great fucking but ... yeah they rang hollow.

I know from the male perspective most seem to want a regular close friend with the added benefits of discreet fun.

Most of the straight or bi members of B8M8 seem to be seeking close friends rather than one-off meets.

Never had a one-night stand with a guy, or sex with anyone I didn't know well and trust beforehand. I am one of those who cannot get into mindless, anonymous, sex, then fly. Mutual interests, communication, and knowledge, that will ensure I know how to please someone....and for them to please me, is more important than a quick orgasm.

I don't, as I have primarily always gravitated towards MF couples. I enjoy threesomes with a man and woman involved. Honestly, recent events (marital drama, with people I thought were the nicest partners I'd ever met in 30 years of swinging) has made me seriously rethink my position. I'm now more open to finding a male best bud, for something steady. I would even consider a MM couple the more I think about it...

In the case of couples: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it, and then realize it scares ya...

For me the ideal would be another married guy in a regular relationship with both our wives knowing and approving. Anyone have this? How did you get to that point?

Having a friend with benefits is the best sometime he's top somtime I am. We play we have fun Sometime we just hang out and enjoy each other
I adore his wife and they are going to meet my girl in a few days.
I've had one night hook ups and I really think I'm a better lover when I understand what my lover wants from just knowing what turns em on
and lets not forget STDs it can be a dangerous world out that
Be careful
Have fun:

in my dreams....that would be great......something to really look forward on a regular basis.......

Add me to the looking for LTR. There are lots of one night opportunities and with stds and the like that is not what i am looking for. I was with a married couple for over a year. Sometime she would play sometimes not. When she did it was added bonus, when not, it was great too. Unfortunately they retired and moved. My ideal situation would to have a FWB relationship that could grow and last.

LTR only, everything else is just too dangerous and too hollow. I have a great marriage and a wife that is fine with my sexuality (still disclosing, understanding, etc.) and just don't want to taint that with random hook ups.