Thanking Drew and Newbies

I have lurked around bisex for a while. I have seen a lot of things, made some friends, pissed off a bunch of people (hey. It happens. I'm really a nice guy), chatted, learned a lot, and generally enjoyed my time here.

Drew has kindly built this site for us. I know web hosting is not outrageously expensive anymore (although most hosts charge extra for hosting a site with chatting and that extra can add up quickly), but web development is. It costs money to put up and maintain a site like this. Drew has kindly kept most functions of this web site free for all of us. He pays for it out of his own pocket.

The best way we can thank him is to help the site grow. That means he can charge higher prices to advertisers to keep the site free, while the site becomes self-sustaining. More members = more money from advertising = less out of Drew's pocket.

I have seen many times when new people make their first post here, if they do not meet someone's narrow orientation definition, the new poster is flamed brutally. People are lucky Drew runs this place and not me. Instead of welcoming a new person and trying to help them with an issue, the response is childish, rude, and frankly, disgusting.

Quite frankly, it is a slap in Drew's face when people do this and those that do it are ungrateful, classless, and childish. Grow up, expand your mind, and realize that not everyone in this world perfectly fits your narrow definition of things.

We should be helping Drew expand this site and its membership by welcoming and trying to help newbies to show Drew our gratitude for creating this place and keeping it free, not trying to destroy it by scaring away every first time poster.

Ok. I'm off my soapbox now.

I agree, Falcon. This is the best site I've ever joined (only one I belong to, now) and we should appreciate the talent and work that's been put into it. Thanks Drew.

I've gotten into a couple of verbal confrontations with folks, some of whom I really had no animosity for, but they'd written something that had gotten on my nerves. I've since learned to avoid conflicts and be more polite in my responses...if I made any. The ones, who write things I don't want to read about, I just put them on ignore.

In my views, overblown egos, vehement responses, and character assassinations, have no place, here....mine or anyone else's.

What I'm most thankful for is, I met my GF here in 2008 and we've been thick as thieves, since. I'd initially hoped I'd meet a gay, or bisexual male lover, but instead she responded to something I'd written and the rest is history. That's the story of my life, things I expect the least, come out of nowhere! I never know what's going to happen, next! I've come to feel that some here are friends and met a great couple, recently.

I love this site!

That is VERY cool Realist.
I'm sure it makes Drew very proud to know he had a part in bringing a happy couple together.

Maybe you should start a thread about those couples that have met here? I think it would be really interesting to find out how many there are.

Falcon,

Only met my GF and the one couple, when they were down here for a vacation.

Sadly, they live too far away to get to know them better. With some back issues, I don't travel well, these days.

I concur with the OP's statement entirely. I'm a good example of that to a point. I posted quite a bit when I first joined the site but it quickly became clear that outside of an argumentative handful of posters in a pissing contest the forums contain very little actual dialogue. One of the few times I have gone into chat as well I got my ass chewed out by some elitist dickhead because I posted a reply in a thread that didnt align itself with their own personal ethos.

Sad but true, be it the condescending and pedantic monologues of this site's chosen few or the downright hostile attitudes by some others I find myself visiting this site less and less as time marches on. Even less so to bother with logging in and posting something.

Be cool, play nice, encourage growth in the site and stop trying to ram this ridiculous "im more bisexual than you" or the "im so far in the closet ill make the rest of you miserable like me" rhetoric down the new members throats.

You Rock, Falcon..:} I've been on this site for many years now nad do love it, I'm not as active in chat as I used to be, but I still love it here. Met a "Honey" on here and was thinking that maybe he was the one, but sadly because of his work schedule, that didnt pan out..But it doesnt mean that it cant for other folks, bi or not..:} I have made some fantastic friends on here, and it doesnt matter if they are long distance or not, they are still in my heart.
Kudos and thanks to Drew for the great work he does and did for making this a place of fun and freedom.
And I havent encountered this "Gardenia" person as of yet. Its just as well. I dont like trolls and assholes anyway...those kinds of assholes anyway...*Evil grin*

Lecherous pecks to your handsome cheek Falcon and Drew..:}
Cat

"Lecherous pecks to your handsome cheek Falcon and Drew..:}"

awwwwwwww. <<--- melting now.

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Originally Posted by drugstore cowboy

Gardenia isn't a troll she was a newbie who just asked questions about bisexuality and then got mad at people telling her she was stupid or sniping at her in the thread she wrote so she left the site. The troll I wrote about is a woman with her own agenda that isn't here to learn, discuss, or have fun but she just wants to stalk, flame, and spread bigotry and misinformation. She recently wrote a thread about lesbians getting shot and instead of saying how horrible it was that they were shot and the one person was killed she went on and on about how they are lesbian and spread her agenda.

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Gardenia did that?
I missed that thread entirely.
The only thread I saw that on was aeonpax's (Joan) and I lit her up about her obvious agenda.

I agree completely Falcon. When I first joined this site with my hubby, we were thinking it would be a great place to meet people. But quickly found out by browsing the forums that there was more bickering and arguing over any real conversations. Though I have made a few posts, I keep from saying things in the forums because I don't want to become involved in the childishness that I have viewed. It's rather disheartening when Drew put a site together so bisexuals and others could come together and instead of coming together I see arguing more then anything. We appreciate the site that you have created Drew. And I apologize for what Gardenia experienced. No one, and I mean no one should have called her stupid or treated her disrespectfully just because she asked a question. As for the other thread, I stated there how I felt about it and though some agreed I'm quite sure others were not happy with my statement, but I will stand behind my statement completely.

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Originally Posted by biwilliams

I agree completely Falcon. When I first joined this site with my hubby, we were thinking it would be a great place to meet people. But quickly found out by browsing the forums that there was more bickering and arguing over any real conversations. Though I have made a few posts, I keep from saying things in the forums because I don't want to become involved in the childishness that I have viewed. It's rather disheartening when Drew put a site together so bisexuals and others could come together and instead of coming together I see arguing more then anything. We appreciate the site that you have created Drew. And I apologize for what Gardenia experienced. No one, and I mean no one should have called her stupid or treated her disrespectfully just because she asked a question. As for the other thread, I stated there how I felt about it and though some agreed I'm quite sure others were not happy with my statement, but I will stand behind my statement completely.

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i did not see that thread williams. I am sorry I did not. I would have told the flamers what to do and tried to answer gardenia's questions. Not all of us are radical in our views on LGBT matters. I think we should be supported, but special treatment goes too far. Just like special treatment on religion. age, or any other thing. Crime is crime. period. But no matter what, new people should be made to feel welcome here.

I am still searching for answers. I think many of us are. Is that so wrong? Those who have experience in this lifestyle, as many are, should be more than willing to help newer people understand themselves and their spouses,

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Originally Posted by falcondfw

i did not see that thread williams. I am sorry I did not. I would have told the flamers what to do and tried to answer gardenia's questions. Not all of us are radical in our views on LGBT matters. I think we should be supported, but special treatment goes too far. Just like special treatment on religion. age, or any other thing. Crime is crime. period. But no matter what, new people should be made to feel welcome here.

I am still searching for answers. I think many of us are. Is that so wrong? Those who have experience in this lifestyle, as many are, should be more than willing to help newer people understand themselves and their spouses,

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There is no doubt that the newer people should be welcomed and helped when they're searching for answers. It's just a pity that there are so many ready to jump up and attack instead of putting out a hand and helping. I've had many questions myself, and I've refrained from asking them for fear of being ridiculed or called stupid. I hope that one of these days people will calm down and learn to respect everyone's opinion instead of trying to shove their own thinking down peoples throat. I do applaud you for taking a stand Falcon for you've said what I'm sure a lot of others wish they had the courage to say.

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Originally Posted by biwilliams

There is no doubt that the newer people should be welcomed and helped when they're searching for answers. It's just a pity that there are so many ready to jump up and attack instead of putting out a hand and helping. I've had many questions myself, and I've refrained from asking them for fear of being ridiculed or called stupid. I hope that one of these days people will calm down and learn to respect everyone's opinion instead of trying to shove their own thinking down peoples throat. I do applaud you for taking a stand Falcon for you've said what I'm sure a lot of others wish they had the courage to say.

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Williams,
You seem to be the partner of a bi guy from what you have said.

I know, as a woman, the majority of the answers you want are probably from women.
Your hub will probably most want answers from bi guys.

Any questions you or hub have, I want you to feel more than free to PM me and ask. I may not be able to answer. But I promise I will do the absolute best I can.

Who knows? All of us might find we have things in common? Same offer applies to any newbies. Give it a shot. See if I can help.

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Originally Posted by Bayoubear9

...Sad but true, be it the condescending and pedantic monologues of this site's chosen few or the downright hostile attitudes by some others I find myself visiting this site less and less as time marches on...

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keen insight there bear... I feel the same way. http://tinyurl.com/7jo4aq4

Some of the "chosen few" (as, indeed, they DO see themselves) are newbies... and, I suspect, namechangers (previous chatters who were either banned or unwelcome because of their "condescending and pedantic" rants). 'Twas ever thus, sadly.

well said !

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Originally Posted by **Peg**

keen insight there bear... I feel the same way. http://tinyurl.com/7jo4aq4

Some of the "chosen few" (as, indeed, they DO see themselves) are newbies... and, I suspect, namechangers (previous chatters who were either banned or unwelcome because of their "condescending and pedantic" rants). 'Twas ever thus, sadly.

well said !

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I have noticed both yours and bayou's reduced visits, Peg. Very sad. Everyone who reduces visits and/or does not post reduces the effectiveness of the community as a whole (rather Borgish of me, I know.). I, for one, miss both your contributions.

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Originally Posted by Bayoubear9

I concur with the OP's statement entirely. I'm a good example of that to a point. I posted quite a bit when I first joined the site but it quickly became clear that outside of an argumentative handful of posters in a pissing contest the forums contain very little actual dialogue. One of the few times I have gone into chat as well I got my ass chewed out by some elitist dickhead because I posted a reply in a thread that didnt align itself with their own personal ethos.

Sad but true, be it the condescending and pedantic monologues of this site's chosen few or the downright hostile attitudes by some others I find myself visiting this site less and less as time marches on. Even less so to bother with logging in and posting something.

Be cool, play nice, encourage growth in the site and stop trying to ram this ridiculous "im more bisexual than you" or the "im so far in the closet ill make the rest of you miserable like me" rhetoric down the new members throats.

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I can relate to much of what you say. I too have felt very unwelcome & seriously opposed here. And I know what you mean about chat & wonder if we're thinking about the same "elitist dickhead. I haven't been there in months & I'm gradually withdrawing from here also. I'm sure there are some here breathing a sigh of relief at that announcement. Simply don't care! I've developed some thick skin & grown used to being controversial, unpopular.

This is exactly what I mean Pepper.
There are so many good, kind, honest, helpful people here.
Only a few absolutely ruin it with their political agendas.
We NEED more people like you here.
Stories. Questions. Help. This site and every other needs those things.
The trolls do not understand the damage they do to "the cause" by scaring off those who can talk sanely about issues.
I beg you and others who have disappeared, please, do not let the trolls win. Help everyone. There are so many more good people out there than there are trolls.

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Originally Posted by falcondfw

I have noticed both yours and bayou's reduced visits, Peg. Very sad. Everyone who reduces visits and/or does not post reduces the effectiveness of the community as a whole (rather Borgish of me, I know.). I, for one, miss both your contributions.

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Thanks for your kind words, falcon, but the reason I am not here much anymore is personal (in a VERY good way) and has nothing to do with the bombastic, didactic, pompous holier-than-thou verbosities and rants. They are so tiresome.

In fact, I just go to the persons' profile and select 'ignore' and I no longer see their postings. A relief to be sure. Then, when I see someone blow up, I 'unignore' to see what the fuss is about, but you know me, I won't ever be sucked into responding. Then back on iggy they go.

I'm still around, but busier than ever these days, and so... I figure I did my bit and now it's my turn to have some fun that has nothing whatsoever to do with this place.

\/ peace

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Originally Posted by **Peg**

Thanks for your kind words, falcon, but the reason I am not here much anymore is personal (in a VERY good way) and has nothing to do with the bombastic, didactic, pompous holier-than-thou verbosities and rants. They are so tiresome.

In fact, I just go to the persons' profile and select 'ignore' and I no longer see their postings. A relief to be sure. Then, when I see someone blow up, I 'unignore' to see what the fuss is about, but you know me, I won't ever be sucked into responding. Then back on iggy they go.

I'm still around, but busier than ever these days, and so... I figure I did my bit and now it's my turn to have some fun that has nothing whatsoever to do with this place.

\/ peace

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Oh stop.
I don't buy it for a bit!
You have just managed to corrupt several, younger, hotter people.
I know the way things work.
lol. Love ya Peg. And i honestly hope you have corrupted guys and gals to service you. lol

... mumph <grin>

wait: "service" me???? goodgawd man LOL (serve, maybe)

Yes I would have to agree that newbie's are not very welcome. It is sad that I have been put down and basically, made me ashamed to be here.
If you are not in the loop then nobody really wants to accociate with you. I try to get in on chats, yet most of the chatting are two way coversations.
never really acknowledge you are there. I do agree that this is the best site, as it is free. A big thank you to Drew. I came here hoping for open and honest people to help anwer questions. Maybe they are curious, as I am or maybe experienced. Yes I have had some I chat with that have helped me identify who I am. thanks to them people. But others have made me feel I shouldn't even be here. Sorry if I offend anybody.

HI Folks, just want to add a thanks to Drew and you CherokeeMC, Realist, Falcon, Bayou, Drug..boy,, and others for contributing to this site. Some of you regulars have been very helpful and encouraging to me though i have not acknowledged it to you.
I have been a visitor here since 09 or so and signed up in 2010. Feel lucky to have found this site. It is not a typical dating site and the content i have read here is more valuable as people seem to be more open and honest and real about how they feel about bisexualilty to whatever degree they claim that label for themselves or not. Accepting myself and my sexual nature has been a long and slow process with as much frustration and anguished confusion as joy fun and unexpected pleasure. I have found great solace in some of the threads while others i find banal and embarrassing .. but that's part of the package isn't it....pun?.
I still feel 'newbie' to this site and online communication has it's share of limitations. It is not easy for many or most to put your stuff out on the web, make yourself vulnerable this way. It is sad that people would use such a place to inflict pain on those who are seeking understanding or camaraderie, It is tough enough being yourself, in this world why make it harder on anyone else.

Wishing you peas, rice and hominy..

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Originally Posted by lilguy

Yes I would have to agree that newbie's are not very welcome. It is sad that I have been put down and basically, made me ashamed to be here.
If you are not in the loop then nobody really wants to accociate with you. I try to get in on chats, yet most of the chatting are two way coversations.
never really acknowledge you are there. I do agree that this is the best site, as it is free. A big thank you to Drew. I came here hoping for open and honest people to help anwer questions. Maybe they are curious, as I am or maybe experienced. Yes I have had some I chat with that have helped me identify who I am. thanks to them people. But others have made me feel I shouldn't even be here. Sorry if I offend anybody.

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I know how you feel... but you can't get through this life without a few bumps.. stay with it. There is a lot more to people than comes across online so don't be discouraged if the wires get crossed. keep posting it's your right as much as anyone else's.

''... they had stars upon thar's ''

I've "met" some of the sweetest people privately on here. Mostly encouraging me because of He Who Shall Remain Nameless being prickly (and not in a good way) when I first posted. I've read a lot of his posts since then and found that he does actually make some valid points - just never in the way he meant. Which I find just hilarious. It's sorta like watching Ralph Kramden.

[QUOTE=Mickie;232907]I've "met" some of the sweetest people privately on here. Mostly encouraging me because of He Who Shall Remain Nameless being prickly (and not in a good way) when I first posted. I've read a lot of his posts since then and found that he does actually make some valid points - just never in the way he meant. Which I find just hilarious. It's sorta like watching Ralph Kramden.[/QUOT

Just hold on here for a moment, Miss Mickie. You're from the good state of Alabama, and quite frankly, most here are going to take offense, that a southern woman can actually articulate herself without her husband holding a muzzle loaded rifle to her. Tell the truth now; are you under duress?

Oh, my lord. You obviously do not know me well. Yet. Nor any other Southern women. Bless your heart.

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Originally Posted by falcondfw

This is exactly what I mean Pepper.
There are so many good, kind, honest, helpful people here.
Only a few absolutely ruin it with their political agendas.
We NEED more people like you here.
Stories. Questions. Help. This site and every other needs those things.
The trolls do not understand the damage they do to "the cause" by scaring off those who can talk sanely about issues.
I beg you and others who have disappeared, please, do not let the trolls win. Help everyone. There are so many more good people out there than there are trolls.

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Appreciate the kind, emphatic response but a wrong choice of words in part of it; I don't feel driven away by a "fear" of trolls, but rather by a sense of weariness of what I see as hypocrisy & just plain bs. I've been a fighter far too long ( which is exactly what has gotten me into trouble here ) to be afraid of anyone here. I've got much more important survival issues to concern myself with. :)

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Originally Posted by pepperjack

Appreciate the kind, emphatic response but a wrong choice of words in part of it; I don't feel driven away by a "fear" of trolls, but rather by a sense of weariness of what I see as hypocrisy & just plain bs. I've been a fighter far too long ( which is exactly what has gotten me into trouble here ) to be afraid of anyone here. I've got much more important survival issues to concern myself with. :)

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Cripes! What you have here is a username, that's it. Get over yourself.

[QUOTE=Mickie;232917]Oh, my lord. You obviously do not know me well. Yet. Nor any other Southern women. Bless your heart.[/QUOTE

I so do. She's from Alabaster. I was jesting.

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Originally Posted by lilguy

Yes I would have to agree that newbie's are not very welcome. It is sad that I have been put down and basically, made me ashamed to be here.
If you are not in the loop then nobody really wants to accociate with you. I try to get in on chats, yet most of the chatting are two way coversations.
never really acknowledge you are there. I do agree that this is the best site, as it is free. A big thank you to Drew. I came here hoping for open and honest people to help anwer questions. Maybe they are curious, as I am or maybe experienced. Yes I have had some I chat with that have helped me identify who I am. thanks to them people. But others have made me feel I shouldn't even be here. Sorry if I offend anybody.

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lilguy,

your post sure doesn't offend me. Actually, it breaks my heart.

I do not go into chat very much, but those idiots that feel they own the chat room need to get a freakin clue. DREW owns it. NOONE else! Without his generosity and kindness, ALL of us would be posting on various boards hoping for a friend or someone who might actually understand what we are going through.

My first wife was not understanding. When I told her what I was feeling? It was absolutely incredible. The most sex and the craziest sex in our 16 year marriage. Unfortunately, there was a second week after the first. She completely shut down in EVERY way. She wouldn't even answer if I asked what she wanted for dinner. I was having so much trouble dealing with my feelings and now the person who was supposed to be my rock forever had floated away. It was a very, very difficult time. Thank god for one friend. She helped me through my feelings so well. She was a lesbian (who turned out to be not so lesbian, but bi. lol). But her kindness, openness, and honesty helped me make it through my discovery at the same time my family was falling apart.

I know what you are going through and so do many others. We may not be in chat, but you can feel free to Pm any time you like.

`
I think what is needed here is some good old fashion Objectivity to clear the air. There is a strong feeling of pathos here that is obscuring a far larger picture.

#1 – People do not come to Bisexual.com” to read or join the forums. Hard to believe, eh? Well, guess what? It’s true. If one knows how to, you can readily check the stats associated with this site, for example;

* Bisexual.com ranks 295,463 in the world as far as traffic. That may not seem like much but considering there are tens of millions of web sites, it is very respectable. It also ranks 63, 351 in the US which is also quite good.

* Bisexual.com has about 17,000 (+/-) “unique” visitors a month. None of the top eight draws to this site (reasons people come here) have anything to do with the forums.

* Each visitor will come back to the site 2.6 times. Majority of them (44.4%) come from the United States region.

* There are 3,959 daily page views. This site is linked to by 206 other sites. There are over 115,000 members here.

#2 – People come to Bisexal.com to meet other bisexuals and the majority of those are men wanting to meet other men. Pure and simple. While I have not calculated the membership ratio, this site is severely underrepresented by females….almost 20 to 1, men over women. (That’s an educated guess. ok?)

#3 - Amenities such as chat, blogs, groups and forums are good inducements for a person who wants to join a site, for example to view an ad/profile, you must join. The ad/profiles are the main draw, not the amenities.

#4 - 0.043402777777777776% (8% error margin) This is the percent of site member here who post in the forums, on a consistent bases. Not a very big number but is commensurate with other similar web sites.

While forum posts draw big from outside visitors, there is absolutely no tie to the topics being discussed in the forum to membership here. If one checks out the most popular or “Viewed” threads here, the top 30 are all sexually related, which again is consistent with the intended purpose of this site.

A nice thing about this site is that people are free to join in or ignore topics and threads a person may find uninteresting or disagreeable. The same applies to ignoring people.

Summery – While some people may be concerned about specific problems with the forums, it’s just their opinion. I’ve seen no evidence of trolls, per se, being a problem. There are some obvious but informal “cliques” within the forums here but even as backwards as I find a few of them, they do not affect the sites purpose or traffic.

Sources for Stats;

1 - http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/bisexual.com#
2 - http://websiteshadow.com/bisexual.com
3 - http://www.freewebsitereport.org/www.bisexual.com
4 - http://bisexual.com.w3snoop.com/
5 - http://thedomainfo.com/bisexual.com/

Interesting, Joan.. but *laffs* what is the definition of "majority"? It's ok.. I know what u mean..;):kiss:

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Originally Posted by darkeyes

Interesting, Joan.. but *laffs* what is the definition of "majority"? It's ok.. I know what u mean..;):kiss:

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I didn't bother breaking it down Fran but it's mainly from English speaking countries; Canada, UK, Australia, NZ, etc. Problem with an audience break down is the stats are all over the place, depending on which search function you use. Alexia, fer example, says 65% of the visitors here are from the US but that does not take into account membership.

When people visit this site I assume it is probably for one of these reasons:

1) Genuinely curious
2) Looking for hookups
3) Need Advice
4) Are coming to terms with their sexuality
5) Feed ego with flames

For items # 3 and 4 - I think it is incredibly rude to be told "you don't belong here" which I have seen happen many times publicly. At first I find it hard to believe that another LGBT person would DISCRIMINATE against someone like that, but then again - human nature being what it is why should I be surprised?

The world is interconnected, if a straight person comes here and learns something REAL about bisexuals then why should that not be allowed? I'm sure we've talked about setting up different forum topics before..lumping everything under one huge topic has a little bit of a drawback.

With regard to #3, I have also seen people not like the answers they get when they ask the question, which is the risk you take when you ask. I have also been guilty of going off on tangents in the threads and "exploring" - which I hope people will forgive because that is a part of self discovery.

[QUOTE=jarhead;232925]

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Originally Posted by Mickie

Oh, my lord. You obviously do not know me well. Yet. Nor any other Southern women. Bless your heart.[/QUOTE

I so do. She's from Alabaster. I was jesting.

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Them Alabaster wimmen will cut ye.

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Originally Posted by jarhead

Cripes! What you have here is a username, that's it. Get over yourself.

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No,what I obviously have here is another jerk to deal with who just illustrated my point about stupid bs!:rolleyes: Speaking of usernames, weren't you actually trying to submit Jughead when registering? :smilies15

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Originally Posted by pepperjack

No,what I obviously have here is another jerk to deal with who just illustrated my point about stupid bs!:rolleyes: Speaking of usernames, weren't you actually trying to submit Jughead when registering? :smilies15

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Not Jerkhead, Pepper?;)

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Originally Posted by darkeyes

Not Jerkhead, Pepper?;)

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They're pretty much synonymous, Dark.:smilies15

[QUOTE=jarhead;232925][QUOTE=Mickie;232917]Oh, my lord. You obviously do not know me well. Yet. Nor any other Southern women. Bless your heart.[/QUOTE

I so do. She's from Alabaster. I was jesting.

well born an raised in Cullman but yes she is southern aan not crazy ...

mumph <grin>

wait: "service" me???? goodgawd man LOL (serve, maybe)

LOL Atta girl Peg! When did you turn into a Sensual Mistress like me?? You Go Girl..lol
Yer Silly Cat. ^..^

And Fal, I'm here most everyday. I read what catches my eyes, discard that that doesnt capture my interest. I'm sure its the same with most folks. Its like when I started the "Campout" thread last year, to quell the BS of a couple of select butheads. They didnt like it, didnt like that people chose to join in on something fun, light-hearted, and didnt want to respond to their bullshit any longer. The People here wanted something silly and happy, rather than listening to the tirades of self-centered bigots and all around Idjets. (Idiots)
We all need some fun and silly in our lives now and then, and Newbies Should be met with a smile and encouragement. I hope we can keep that up and bring a little laughter and help to those seeking it..:}
Nibble to your cute lil ear. :}
Cat