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OK, I don't want to drive this thread off topic even more but I'll just reiterate my statement that it easy for guys who worry about 'sex' to become distracted during lovemaking and yes - it's like throwing a switch..it's very frustrating but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you! If you want to discuss on another thread I would be happy to - post again on a different topic to bring it to the top of the list.
tenni reposted this on "60 shades of grey"Quote:
Originally Posted by elian
I'm not sure why it was stated that most bi men are over 50. I had experimented as a young teen then went straight to females. After turning 23 I had these thoughts and fantasies of being with guys sexually. I surpressed the urge act because of society and morals taught. As I turned 30, the urges were were harder to fight. I wondered what the hell is wrong with me. So I began doing research online to try to find answers. I was very married, with 2 wonderful kids. Living the American Dream.
One day I found this site. I read peoples experiences and struggles as they tried to find solace in thier own sexuality. I chatted with many in the chatroom, asking questions as to why I felt the way I did. I came back as much and as often as I could to get some understanding. One day I finally accepted that I was bisexual. After accepting that fact I realized that I had always been Bi. That was 11 years ago. I wish I had searched for answers much sooner in my life. I have been a member here ever since.
I am now going through a divorce, I'm 41 years old, and starting all over. I hope to find a true love that can accept me for who I am. I will not go back to the type of marriage I had. Having to surpress and hide the encounters I had.
So I wouldn't say that anybody "turns" bisexual, or have to be a certain age. I think that if you are bisexual, then you always have been. It just depends on what time in life, you finally accept it yourself.
the wife lost all sex drive
then she told me i look mre like a female i should have sex with a guy
then she gave me her panties
I agree to that older man might turn bi, because they had enough sexual experience (bad or good) with women, and they lost that shyness, what youngsters have, what encourages them to explore different sexuality ways with his own gender.
jem_is_bi, yours was a very articulate, very touching response. My hat's off to you. But I think you are in a minority of women, whose husbands are unusually fortuante, that you fought back from sexual ennui and disinterest for his sake and recaptured the joys of a rich sex life. I think most men whose wives experience the same causes you cite, and the same symptoms you said you did initially, homestead in their disinterest. This is somewhat my case (discretion and respect for my wife prevents me from being more specific). I am driven to have a sexual outlet. I turned to men partially because homosexual sex is safer for a married man than having an affair with a woman because -- short of love affairs between homosexuals -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc. The other part of the attraction between men is a complicated, subtle, etherial bit of psychology that not even science fully understands. In that respect, "what is, is." I have not "bailed" on my wife. She and I are very affectionate, very attentive to each other's needs at all levels short of intercourse. But life dealt me an hand of cards that I must play -- with great caution to protect her from emotional pain.
Forget labels, they`re for cans and bottles..my "str8" senior male neighbor and "str8" me..just found out how nice gay sex is, giving and receiving blowjobs and now he and I have started a JO/suck club..we crank together and suck eachother off almost daily..our ladies are no longer with us so we are now "improvising" as much as we wish..and looking for more recruits to join us here at our retirement complex..married, "str8" or otherwise.."COCKS" rule now te he!:tongue:
I agree, although, it may not be becoming as much as it is accepting one's sexuality. I can recall having intermittent fantasies as a teen, but generally suppressed any further thought once the fantasy was over. Since Ive grown older, I no longer believe in strict representations of sexuality (i.e. straight) and quite frankly don't have issues any longer with fantasies and pornography involving the same sex. As of yet, I have not had a real life encounter, so I cannot speak to that aspect.
The question has not answer. For all the theories and thoughts and expressed experiences it still boils down to the simple fact, some guys do and some guys don't. Some are bi their who lives but at not free to practice it, some are turned on by one drunken incident with a friend....there is no answer, or there are as many answers as their are bi men.
GenII wrote: " -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc."
Because of my experience, I respectfully disagree with that, Gen.
That may have been your experience, but I was involved with another married male during my 2nd marriage, who became increasingly possessive and jealous. We were secret paramours for a little over 10 years and, towards the end, he thought of me as "his possession". In addition, he had gotten more and more jealous of my friends and even my wife. (most of whom were straight)
When I decided to divorce my wife, he even thought I was doing it to get away from HIM!
Actually, I thought we'd have more time together, so his attitude was unjustified. However, we ended up on different routes and I basically divorced my wife AND him!
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you don't "turn" bi any more than you "turn" gay or "turn" stright. Somewhere along the line of a persons life, man or woman, sexual thoughts occur. Usually they are for the opposite sex according to what society deems as correct. That doesn't mean that you can't be curious or very curious as to what sex with the other half would be like. If you get to act on it, wow, maybe it's a really good feeling experience. Maybe you like it maybe you don't. I guess if you like it then you're just bisexual like a lot of the rest of us. If not, that's okay, at least you've gotten it out of your system. I think the reason that most of us that are older seem to have suddenly "turned" bi is because for whatever reason, marriage and society in general holding us back, we've finally gotten to the point in our lives where we can be more relaxed and open about it. In my case I would have to say that having access to the internet and all it has to offer has made it possible for me. Hooray for Al Gore (said tongue in cheek)!
Here is my two cents worth. I have found that generally after forty my acceptance level changed. Now, the idea of having an intimate relationship with a man or a woman is exciting. Being labeled
gay or bi is only a matter of perspective. I find myself really turned on by the idea of free sexual encounters, man or woman, with everyone comfortable with the encounter. BTW I am a late fifty's SWM.
I personally dont see anything wrong with an older man (Or woman) wanting to try something new on to see if they like it, or seeing what they may have been missing all of their lives. It might not have anything to do with "The wife letting herself go". It could just merely mean that he wants to discover something he's never done before! And if he does, then good on him! As long as he's not cheating on said spouse, or girlfriend, ect, then more power to him. Lots of us in our 'old age' decide that we'l like to experence something that we couldnt do/wouldnt do/never had the Chance to do in our younger years, due to one circumstance of another, and I say if we elders choose to try something/someone out, then go for it! As long as it doesnt hurt You, or someone else, go for it and have fun. Be safe at all costs, but have fun..:} We've earned it..;)
Cat
being an older bi guy i can only speak for my self and my expirences. for my self i have known i was bi since i was around 13 years old. i only had a few connections with other men then and it all stopped because of the fear of being found out. then aas i got older around 45 i started to play again with men. i like men and woman evenly but since my wife left me it has been all men. and no she did not leave me because i was bi because she always knew that. i have spoken to many bi guys young and old. in the younger guys it is the same as the older ones for the most part. some are married and goto bi guys because their wife or gf wont give em head or as they say the woman isn't really into it like a man. some older choose to be bi or have sex with men when their wives or gf become disinterested in sex. some older and younger guys are just curious and want to try it. some come back some don't.
so you see there are as many reasons for people turning bi even at different ages. i know them from 19 yo to 80 yo. and their stories range from liking the sex with men to just needing to get off. there is no simple answer to your question and there are many reasons. many times in a relationship though, because they do love who they are with yet they are not being satisified in bed they seek others.
in my case i am actually pansexual, almost the same as bisexual. just as the ancient greeks and romans could appriceate a beautiful man today we see that happening again. some men are attracted to other men in the same way they are to woman. some are only interested in the sex because they are drawn to same sex, the smell, touch and feeling of another man with them is exciting. some just into the sex, kind of a cum and go thing. many people so many different feelings towards it. which proves we are only human. and to be bisexual and attracted to both sexes is natural.
This is because the wife stops giving sex and or meeting the mans needs he turns to his curiosity with guys because men don't cause drama. most men are bi "curious" but wont admit or act on it. Once a guy gets married he's fked... wife changes... once a women makes it known to a man that urrggg he wants sex again well it turns off a man also a guy will act like he loves a mans body which I don't think is an act. A women acts and does act like its a job.
Actually when I raise my T I get more bi desires when my T is low I get little to no bi desiresQuote:
Originally Posted by mattsbutt
as for myself I think I was always bi because when I was a teenager I got erections and had to take of it when watching body builders on tv this at the time was very intense. I pushed it back or suppressed the feelings until mid 30 s then because of lack of sex with the wife began receiving oral sex from guys at local parks. after a while I began giving it also realized I really enjoy making guys feel good after awhile while pleasing guys I would climax without touching myself I just love pleasing guys and desire it often hope I do not offend but its the truth
I am going to stick to the original post and respond from my own experience. Growing up, we only knew gay or straight. There was no third door. The gay door, often found by using your gaydar, sorry, bad joke, anyway, the gay door was seen as a very poor choice. It could get you beaten, ridiculed, and alienated. Gay was used as a put down, such as "that's gay", you're so gay, etc. For someone like myself, who was demeaned by even his own parents as a kid, seeking acceptance, the last thing you wanted to do was "be gay".Quote:
Originally Posted by loveatl
That being said, I still found myself sneaking a peak in the boys showers, etc. Even in the service, I had been propositioned a number of times, but that constant fear of being rejected, and possibly dishonorably discharged, kept me from accepting. Though, it left me wondering. It wasn't until a breakdown in my 40's that I was able to tear down all the old image of myself and rebuild it based, not on what I thought everyone else wanted me to be, but by who I wanted me to be. In that, I came to accept that I was attracted to some men as much as I could be attracted to women. Of course, a nasty divorce at the time prevented me from acting on my new discoveries as she was trying to keep me from seeing my kids.
By the time I was ready to get beyond all that, I had met my current wife. Our sex life was phenomenal, so the thoughts went to the back of the mind. Then menopause hit, surgeries, medications and her sex drive went from 8 to 0. So being as it has been almost five years without sexual relations with anyone, the old feelings resurfaced.
Will I ever act upon my feelings? Who knows. I don't know how my wife would react if I had a male FWB on the side. I know that when we originally were going out she did say that if I ever cheated, that would be it. So that sticks in my mind. If it wasn't for the sex, we would have an almost perfect relationship. We have a nice home, the two dogs, and our kids are grown so we can travel more. Do I give that all up to choke down a big hard one?
Wow, who would have that a tame question like why are many older men bi would turn into all of the above. I'm 63 and have been actively bi for about 10 years. I did have one experience with a guy at 32 but the not again until 10 years ago. I did think about it a lot but a career, marriage and kids kept me at bay.
My first time at 32 I just received a blow job. But from that time on I fantasized about Sucking a cock. I finally did 10 years ago and found I love it, just love it. I also love cum. So I guess I was always predisposed to being bi. A factor in my becoming actively bi was probably the fact that my wife lost some interest in sex and it was not as exciting as it once was.
Now I am always looking for man sex and my new desire is to be fucked. So, however I got here I am happy with my bi ness.
Most of the reasons were covered why older men discover their bi side.
The testosterone levels drop and estrogen is more dominant as it is produced by fat which also tends to increase with age.
I get propositioned more openly by men. Women disguise sexuality interest in language sometimes that a man may miss. I think a man can get male sex easier than female sex.
Frankly men were against the idea of MM sex because nothing loving or pleasant was ever suggested decades ago. It sounded both brutal and painful.
Finally internet porn has shown men that other men like what they like as well.
All that being said, nothing shoddy about mf sex either.
I have known I was bi since age 10. Now I am 67. I have denied it from time to time, but in my 40's I totally embraced it.
it's that the wife lost all sex drive
didn't feel right finding another lady
I really find it absurd and narrow minded that so many of you believe that becoming bisexual has anything at all to do with changes in your spouse. One, it suggest that on some level you are outwardly ashamed to be bisexual and therefore need to find a scapegoat for why you became this way. Two, your marriage was weak in the begin with, and you are looking for yet another scapegoat to feel okay about cheating on a person that you swore never to stray from. It would be easier for me to buy into the fact that you always knew that you were attracted to men on a small level and just too pressured by social norms to be honest with yourself. You lied to yourself, you lied to the sweet girl you were dating, you married her (marriages with secrets are by nature weak), life happened, you matured and care less about social norms, now your more honest with yourself, the curiosity and desire has increased, BUT... "OH SHIT!!, I'm married to a woman who thinks I'm straight! That stupid fat cow! Well, she did let herself go. I guess then I'm justified if I go down on a few guys" Seriously, that's what you sound like to me.
Is it really her fault? I argue that its nobody's fault. You are just bi and always have been.
I have always been bisexual, ad a pantyboy. At 50 years of age, I decided t embrace it and live it, as it wasn't going away.
I couldn't be more clear. It is not my wife's fault. I own it and I'm going through an intense inner battle around guilt but that's not my point today. With the benefit if hindsight I guess I've known for almost 20 years. Admitting to myself very slowly how I felt. I can only speak for myself but I did not turn bi as I got older, I found a way to admit it to myself and started to experiment as I got older. I also always felt like bi was possibly a cop out and I was really gay. That was shameful for me. Intellectually I know, we should not have to feel that way but I carry some but it gets to be less of an issue over time. I can say I have figured out bi is not a cop out but who I really am. I'm comfortable with that in my own head but I'm not out. I have work to do. I hope my wife understands.
I'am a 71yo male and I have always been bi.Sucked my first cock at 14yo and done so thru the years.Meet a lot of guys 40 to 70yo.who did not start being bi till later in life.One older guy that I meet his story was his wife would not give him a blow job so he would meet gay and bi men just to get his cock sucked.He would not reciprocate,he just wanted a BJ.
I think part of it is purely biological. As a 59 yo male I still see those 24 yo women as hotties but know they would look at me as "who are you kidding gramps?" And rightfully so. That part has to do with continuing the species for the most part. However as a more evolved species we can enjoy sex later on and not just for procreation. There are plenty of of Avery attractive women well into their 40's, 50's 60's and beyond. Yes it is true a lot let themselves go as do men. For every woman who has me herself go. I would think there's a proportional amount of fat bald guys. As a man interested in both genders, sure I would want to experience the love making of a mid 20's to 40's yo. But even there you can find plenty from both genders who personally you may not find attractive for whatever reason. Preferably, for myself, I like partners within ten years of my own age, in reasonable health and are wise enough to take care of themselves if not only for looks but to stay healthy and enjoy the activities life has to offer.
The obvious answer is yes, older men turn bi, but then younger guys turn bi too. There are as many reasons this happens as there are males it happens to. I was 32 when I was introduced to mm oral sex. Had my wife not coaxed and encouraged me to try it, I believe I would still be totally straight. From this 1st time being sexually intimate with a man, I enjoyed it and wished I had discovered it earlier in my life. Also I knew it was not going to be a one time thing and that I wanted to continue having oral sex with men and get as much cock as I could ! I am fairly sure I didn't have latent bi or gay desires because I had never even thought about sex with men prior to that. I believe it was my sexually adventurous nature and my desire to fulfill a fantasy for my 1st wife that led me to it. Paraphrasing the old cliche...I tried it and I liked it. I am certainly happy that it happened and I've never regretted it or felt shame or guilt because of it.
I am 70 to and I have liked cocks since I was 12. My older brother started playing with my cock and sucking it. I could not get enough, it felt so good.
Creepy.Quote:
Originally Posted by david2230
…I think it’s something that happens in a guy’s mid-40 when his wife has lost interest in sex…he turns to other guys because he rationalizes that it’s not really cheating per se…Quote:
Originally Posted by loveatl
I agree with you about men in the 40's finding themselves interested in men and they never were before. I agree that men that I have met who have not had sex for as many as five years begin to look elsewhere when their wives show no interest in sex. It is a reality that many men maintain interest in sex many years after being cut off. These men state that they love their wives and the relationship is good other than the lack of sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by charles-smythe
Under those circumstances, I really don't know why anyone would blame the man but some posters do. The suggestion is to communicate and I agree that would be the best route. Is it cheating? I personally don't care and empathize with the man who turns to other men for sexual release. Whether he always was interested or it came to him as a solution doesn't matter.
I would like to comment on this topic as I'm 65 years old and bi. I'm a widower for 8 years date several women and enjoyed sex with them. But as a young person enjoyed sucking some cock. Never did while I was married. Now at this stage in life I enjoy having sex with men. Most women my age have little interest in sex most want financial security or someone to fix something.
I feel I have always been bi but never really acted on it I wish I would have. I feel we don't need to blame or judge anyone because I do not want anyone to judge me especially if you have not talked or walked in my shoes.
...this post is 5 years old...why are we taking about it again?...Quote:
Originally Posted by loveatl
I figure any one or all of these would make a compelling reason for an older man to be more open toward bisexuality.
More confident in what they want as a result of having more experience
No longer have to worry about raising children
Hormonal changes
Lack of attention from partner (if any)
People don't "turn" bi, or gay/lesbian; but sometimes they realize it later in life.
I also only do bi in a threesom or foursome with another couple. The wife and I have been married for 40 years and what we do we do as a couple or we don't do it at all, that's the way it has been for everything we do for the last 40 yearsQuote:
all the older guys i know turn bi so they can suck a dick and get it in the ass because they like it the ones i do it too i also do there wifes in threesomes that is the only i will do bi is in a threesome
We have had mmf with no bi play but like a lot of things that got old, so we tryed bi and it was great
Don't be surprised if one or both of you is cheating. In all the decades I've known and encountered people in open relationships who claim they "only play together" I've never met anyone who did not in secret cheat on their partner at least once, or as a regular thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by BobSue
Hate to be so simplistic or even just a pig, But it doubles a mans chances of gettin a blow job and in some sad cases his first blowjob!!!
Outside of some minor messing around when I was a boy, I had my first with a girl my age when I was 18 and then with an older man who made me his girl friend when I was 23. After that I only had sex with men for several years, usually roleplaying their girl friend.