Do older men turn bi???

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Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

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I can only speak for myself but I've felt the same way you do. For me I've struggled most of my life with my sexuality, since i was 15 I've known there was some interest in men as well as women but because I was a horny teenager I thought it was just hormones. By the time i got into my mid 20's I knew it was more than that, still I kept brushing those feeling aside and tried to just date women. As I got into my early 30's those feelings were stronger than ever and at age 33 I finally had my first experience with another man, greatest decision of my life. Since then i've embrassed my sexuality. Now at age 45 I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I think when I was younger I worried too much about what everyone else thought instead worring about how I felt. So I think it's normal that so many men come out after age 40 because if they were like me it took them a good 20 years to finally except and be comfortable being who they truly are.

OK, I have NOT read all the posts, so I don’t really know what is trending, but hear I go. I’m 51, started way too young but it’s so true. The older I get, the more I tend to enjoy MM fantasies and experiences then “straight” fun… Don’t really have an reason but there it is. Oh ya,,, I’ve been married over 26 years!

Pure speculation that it's either a waning of testosterone or, I have heard some men say that their wife no longer wants to have sex. This is very unfortunate because I do believe in committed relationships .. screw the sex - what I want to know is will you love me when beauty fades?

Also some of it may have to do with confidence and self-esteem. When I was 18 I didn't know WHO I was, I can imagine that by my 50s I might have it worked out.

A lot of other well thought out responses here, I think men do feel stereotypical pressure to conform to gender roles the same way women do. Why is it so hard for some guys to hug another guy, for example? We obviously love who we will love..at least on the inside. Sex or no, I get very tired of having to hide the way I feel back half of my friends.

OK... I looked in the mirror and damnit...there was an "older guy." I “turned” in several directions....tome I appeared similar to that as I did as a non- "Older Guy." (Butwith less blonde tone to my hair and more salt and pepper) I know what you maybe thinking what has that got to do with this conversation....I will attempt totie it in....bare in mind...ok bear I prefer a lighter approach to most oflife's questions. Oh… I did notsee aturning to bi…just a bi guy.

Quickly, I was not aware one "turned" anything. However, I could wellstand to be corrected...I have yet to take a course of action in my lifebecause of how my partner looked or aged ....Now....having written that....

I have had a sensitivity to sensual stimulation as long as I canremember....that can be back to 3-4 years old or 5 minutes ago depending onwhich memory bank is in place....I became "interested" in the greatfeelings derived from self placing pressure on my pubic area in this timeframe....felt good, didn't want to stop... was chastised by Mother forit...never explained why...played "Dr." early on with neighbor girland then male cousins and from there.....had additional fun times with bothfemales and males.....we had a group that explored and experimented together inkind of a morphed state well into our 30’s.

It was a special group of guys…we all trustedeach other and there was not really a concern over sexuality or masculinity ortestosterone… we truly “bonded” as intimate friends…not so sure it was aslovers! Then, as life can do to us, circumstances all changed…as they havealways said in business…location, location, location …..choices and time andlife quietly divided the group…..on the rare occasion I speak with one of thegroup…I am brought back to that wonderful sense of exploring and sharing…weshared learning and experimenting with ourselves, each other and even our hopeto be doing with female partners to our gf’s….we truly taught each other aboutsex, how it felt, how it made us feel and all of the details of it…this was abit in the dark ages so even responsibility of STD’s and the dreaded gettingpregnant!

So…..the truth is I have been fortunate toin most cases be comfortable with my feelings toward people, male or female fora bazillion years…or maybe just 57. Iadmit not always comfortable in openly expressing them to the world.

I fear many guys my age or perhaps begindeciding this earlier on … feel that they want to expand their penis time, likewhen they were a teen… They have detached themselves from the romanticism ofbeing with the one or any individual(s) that really wants to be with them….andthey somehow arrive at the acceptance from their youthful experimentations orthoughts that, as the case with Mr. Clinton, I……did not have sex with thatwoman!!” that perhaps if they look totheir fellow man it will not somehow impact the entire rest of their live withtheir partners….but as we all kind of know … if we start having sex and it ispleasurable….do we want to stop? It is aguy for goodness sake ….we were just ….well you know….

Some of us “freaks” have always understoodour attraction(s) to people. OK… I haveanyway…. so the “bi” label is not a “turning” event…there are many things Ilack confidence concerning…but I have always had an internal confidenceregarding my sensuality…it is probably somewhat from a male, verbally,emotionally dominating my childhood….seeking within my friendships comfort andto please…and having had the fortune to have male friends have it be OK to beintimate both physically as well as emotionally….

So…as we age we seek to reach out and havethat “bond” we had in our youth….only as we have aged it is not now just about “cowboysand Indians” or whatever it almost always has the need for sexual outlet….Ineed my penis to be a part now…so if he and I can experiment as we did asyouths (yoots- “My Cousin Vinny” reference) it is no different, is it? And my wife does not understand, I cannottalk to her I am afraid….somehow all plays into this somehow…

Lastly, it might be that some sex, perhapswith a guy will not end up in a divorce and me losing it all and he might asmuch if not more to lose than me…and many guys just care about the cumming andgetting off not what is for breakfast!?? So … I am not sure they “turn” I think they rationalize more so…

I probably did not do a very good job hereof wrapping this together…I just think we do not turn people….we may, asindividuals view and accept things with an adjusted perspective. I think that as we age if we have never beenreally good at communicating sensually our desires and pleasures and feelingsand wishes…we may well turn to someone that has done the same thing. We might try to both return to thatexcitement or “yootful” experimentation and that level of excitement in firsttime sensual/sexual feelings awakened…or perhaps it is simpler it is any portin a storm??? J

no the older you get the more you know what you want

I have ALWAYS bee bisexual.
I wish I had turned gay as I aged and early would have been even better.
When I am with my longtime friend I feel totally gay.
BUT, as soon as I even see a woman, I am bisexual again.

Like so much else about sexuality, there is no one answer. Everyone has their own story. That's what makes this all so interesting. Here's my story. I've been bi forever - and that's a very long time. Until about five years ago, my sexual encounters with men were limited to occassional pick-ups on business trips or visits to a massage parlor or gay bath. I loved having sex with men. But for reasons I didn't understand until now, it always seemed inappropriate or irresponsible. Five years ago, my job as a parent ended when my youngest son moved out. I now see that no longer having to be a parent was liberating. I joined this website and have been enjoying my bisexuality ever since.
Bisexual Explorer

My story is a little different. All through my teens and into my 20's and 30's I considered myself "Gay" I was only interested in males, and never gave much
thought to having sex with women. But then in my 40's I started getting curious about the other sex. Finally I had my first sex with a girl that was 19. She happened
to be the girlfriend, of a guy I was seeing...who was 20. I was looking for her boyfriend one day, and stopped by her apartment to see if he was there. We sat and talked
for awhile, and she was fully aware that her boyfreind and I were having sex..and didn't have a problem with it I mentioned I had never had sex with a female before..so
she volunteered to be my first. It did seem to be a little "kinky" doing it with a girl....but I found I enjoyed the physical sensations very much. After awhile..this turned into
a regular thing..and she would invite me over about once a week, and we would take care of each other's ..."needs" . At the same time, I was still seeing her boyfriend and
having regular sex with him..and he might have suspected something...he never knew about me and her. thinking back now...I would have loved to of had them both together
at the same time for a wild 3-way. LOL

Ok I am in my 50's, however I have always been bisexual. In my life I have had 6 male sex partners and 4 female sex partners. I have always liked cock better than pussy, but been turned on by both. I can only speak for myself, but I still have a stronger desire for cock. If I had to choose and could have either a man or woman in my bed I would pick the man. In an ideal world I would pick both.

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Originally Posted by cliffml

Now at age 45 I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I think when I was younger I worried too much about what everyone else thought instead worring about how I felt. So I think it's normal that so many men come out after age 40 because if they were like me it took them a good 20 years to finally except and be comfortable being who they truly are.

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I am the same age and have the same experience. Its not that I have turned bi it is that I have discovered and accepted my bi-sexuality and am moving to embrace it.

I never really desired a mans cock until mid life

I for one miss my younger, fit body. I will gladly experience a 40 somethings toned body. Twenty years ago I was the younger, toned body for a much older man. In that situation I was the center of sexual attention. It was a pleasure to be on the receiving end!

i had one friend when we were younger.. love to think of him in my mouth---now that im older
i want to do it again

When I hit puberty, I was in a boarding school--nothing around but other boys. We fooled around a little, but were sure that detection would result in expulsion. I never acknowledged, to myself or to anyone else, an attraction to males until I was 31. A sudden, unexpected encounter with a beautiful 25-year old was so intensely pleasurable that it was frightening--this was in 1977 and I was in a new town, having just moved. Not for another ten years did I ever get up the courage to act on my bi desires, mostly for the reasons other posters above have already enumerated, and even then only in an internet, cyber sort of way. Changing social climate, easier social access, and a little of the senior citizen's "just don't give a damn what others think" attitude has since brought me a long way. I still adore making love to a woman, but the feel and taste of another man is powerfully stimulating to me, more so for having passed it up for so much of my life. Like others here, seemingly forced to choose a or b, I've often wondered if I were a gay man--but my most enduring and enjoyable fantasies involve a threesome with a man/woman couple, and I am hard pressed to say whether I enjoy going down on a man more than on a woman. Joining this site was a big step forward for me, and I'm grateful to you all.

For so many, many years I was absolutely afraid of being "gay" and having anything to do with man-to-man sex. I have slowly, bit by bit, come to recognize that I am bi, and if I ever find the "right" man making love to him in every possible way will be just as natural and good as making love to a woman. Like sailorashore I too fantasize a lot about finding a man-woman couple with whom I can share equally all my and their sexual desires, top, bottom, and oral in every possible combination. I suspect a three-way could be an amazing and ideal combination, more regenerative than two-way or four-way, not that I would turn down either of those either.

No, I believe everyone is born asexual and then become pansexual but as we become aware of our sexual interest with others then we determine what our preferences are and for some of us we make this determination at a young age and but some are fearful of social bias to explore these interests until later in life when we're tired of being influenced by social pressure.

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Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

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I belive the balance between estrogen and testerone has a lot to do with it. As we age testerone levels decrease allowing estrogen have more influence on the way we feel. That's just a theory thats all.

I can’t believe I just found this thread. This is something I’ve been wondering about for a long time. There’s got to be some medical explanation for it or maybe the answer is in the mix of everybody’s responses here….enjoyed reading all.

Hey maybe we can all get a government grant to study this !!!!! (no political responses PLEASE)

BTW…I just had my testosterone checked and the doc said it was fine….SOOOoooooo.

I have been bi since I was 13. Now that i am in my 50's I have had more time to explore my sexual desires and definitely like to have sex with both sexes.

My life has been been split in sixes....from 14 to 25, I had six male lovers. Then, from about 38 until 68 I had six more. That's probably about it for me. I presently have the best lover of my entire life and have little energy for looking for more, these days.

Although I still think of and am attracted to certain males, I ended up with a bisexual lady who makes all the rest pale in comparison!

Yes, thisi is really interesting and curious too, because I also find myself in the same sitituation as "loveat" said: Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again...

i don't think people tuned bi at 50 (or when they get older)

i have been bi before i was str8 or gay
i'm 50 now and i just want to stay gay
but being married means i have to be bi (for her)

I don't think sexuality is a defined thing. I am definitely bi and doubt I'll ever turn "gay" or "straight" BUT I can say my bisexuality has been a progression. I was straight until my early 20's -- and then certain thoughts started entering my fantasies...until finally I got the courage to explore...and realized I LOVED it. However, at that point, my attraction to men was purely about cocks. Gradually I developed an attraction to other parts, eg. ass and chest but never found men overall attractive. I am now at the point where I find myself looking at some men as I look at all women....and realizing I could be in a loving relationship with a man...and that I want to enjoy slow love making with a man.

In short, I've developed from a purely primitive desire to a more complex social yearning. But man, I still dig chix. A lot.

Well people, i'm 50 yrs old and have always had a zest for sex. My collage yrs were indeed alot of fun and opened my mind to having both sexes to take care of my sexual desires. I will admit that at least for me after being married for 25 plus yrs and having had a couple of affairs with other women, it is just to hard because woman get attached and wants a full time relationship. With a guy, we don't have to call, buy flowers or remember Birthdays. We call our buds up and we get naked, drain our cocks and we are good. No drama with men like there are with woman. Sex is sex, leave the feelings out of the equation. I enjoy fucking a man and i enjoy being fucked. It seems though that my buds are all married and think as i do.

I have been bisexual my whole life only when I was younger I didn't understand what that was. Like most people, I fooled around with friends a little as a teen but never thought much of it. As an adult the urge was always there. I never acted on it until I was divorced and over 50.

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Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

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Hi Loveati, I am 51 years old and married. the sex is starting to get a little less because of menopause. But that is not what I think that is the cause in my situation. I think that it is the internet that is the cause for many men looking for bi sexual experience. There was Playboy and Penthouse was the only source of erotica back in the day. Now that you have the internet, you get to check out some straight porn sites, but they have a gay or bisexual category to look at. You never had gay or bisexual pictures in Playboy or Penthouse magazines. The internet has opened our eyes! I think that is why you have this increase in the older males investigating there sexuality.

Well New guy here.... in fact this thread is why I joined this sight (a google search led me here). Im happily married, but had bisexual experiences around 10-12 yrs old.... zoom 2 present... a cpl years ago while working on the rd. I had my first extra marital affair after 20+ yrs of faithfulness spanning 2 marriages. my wife and I were @ a rough spot, sex no more than ever 6-8 weeks. I met a woman and that led to several more.....I suddenly felt like a teenager again...I had my old skills of seduction back! During 1 such encounter with another sexually deprived soul, after having sex daily for a cpl months she returned home leaving me with raging hormones and a perpetual hard-on...I was going crazy, I couldnt masturebate enough....So enters craigslist. I made contact with a poster lookng to give head. I nervously answered the ad, we met, and it was damn good....from that I have expanded my horizons, I am 49...thus my google search..... I never really had entertained the idea of sex with males for 30+ yrs. now Im there, and cant seem to get enough... your thoughts and conversation is very welcome.....talk to me!

I just discovered this forum and have enjoyed reading this thread, so I figured I'd contribute my $.02.

I'm 60 and had my first male sexual experience about 5 months ago. Up until the past year or so, I had never had (at least consciously had) any interest in men at all. Over the past 5-6 years my wife, who has never had a really strong sex drive, has lost what little interest she had. She has told me that she only does it to satisfy me, but we very much love and care about each other. Meanwhile, my sex drive seems to have increased, if anything.

I basically worked around the problem by using porn and masturbating a lot. I thought about using a site like AFF to find a female lover but didn't follow through, and did try an escort service twice, but found it unsatisfying. In my porn browsing about a year and a half ago, I started tending more to bi stories and particularly MMF. I then started looking at bi videos and found that I got really turned on and began fantasizing about those situations.

I decided to try to find a situation and joined AFF a few months ago. I've hooked up with a few men and have found myself desiring male-to-male physical contact more and more. One part of the equation is that it definitely seems easier to make that sort of a hookup than with a women. At the risk of making an overly broad generalization - most women are looking for more than just no strings sex, and the few that are have a LOT of guys vying for their attention. So, in my case, I have no desire to replace the relationship that I have with my wife, but I do need the sexual satisfaction that I've found a man can provide.

I'm pretty conflicted about this because I really don't want to be dishonest with my wife - none of these encounters (in my mind, at least) are competing with her. She has no idea about this side of me, and I know she wouldn't take it very well if she did. I really don't want to hurt her or risk our relationship, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do going forward.

But to come back to the topic of this thread, in my case at least, it seems that for me (as well as several of the men that I've met), turning by at mid-life was definitely the case.

i have known i was bisexual at around 12 years old but was in denial till around my 30's. my first act was when i was with another young guy at age 12. but further encounters were far and few between. i liked being sucked off only and not touched by a man but as time went on i accepted the fact i like men also. i did not reall become active till around 45 yo. i told my wife and she stayed with me. so ever since i do not deny that i am bisexual and if i meet another woman i will definitly tell her so there is no suprises or lies. i refuse to be in a relationship where there are secrets and lies. but then thats just me and the way i live. i am 61 now and still bisexual and have found woman interested in me knowing i am bisexual since my wife left about a week ago for unrelated reasons. but i am in no hurry to remarry unless the chemistry is right.

Kate
I do agree with you. My late wife brought me into the Bi way of life when I was about 22. I have been so ever since.There were several years after she passed when I had no thought of Bi play.That was something that she and I sharedI did not play again until I met a lady and she asked me about it one night. That is when she started using a strap on.A month or so later we did have a MFM session and she loved it. She had gone through menosause before we met.Since then a lady has to know about my bi likes and be good with it for there to be a relationship.I still have no desire to be with another man without my/a lady there as well.

I am 64 never experienced being with a guy till about 8 months ago I met a guy and he invited me to go fishing on his boat. I met him on his boat and he had a friend with him, we some how got talking about sex and one thing led to another and they started wanking so I joined in. Next I watch them sucking each other, then asked me if they could suck me, so I said yes. Then they asked if I wanted to try, well I got very nervous, did. I thought it was fantastic. I let them cum in my mouth, but didn't swallow ( wish I did). Now it seam it's all I think about, guess it's true once you suck a cock, you want more. So if that makes me gay, bi, or bicurious so be it. I am married and never told her about it, but hinted about her wanting to see me with a man and she said if I ever did she would leave me and let everyone know. So it's just my little secret. I just wish I could find a man or even a couple that would be descreet, but don't know if that will ever happen at my age:(

I think something happens as you get older. Maybe you are less homophobic or something. My first male experience was 4 yrs ago, and I have now been sucking for 6 months, always being on the receiving end. I find sucking cock is addictive, and just want more and more all the time. I'm married and love my wife, and am still active with her, but the lust for cock still burns in me. I have in the last couple of weeks actually started looking for other married clean guys to suck off, and I don't care if they recip or not. I haven't found that guy yet, and my hunger is getting stronger.
Anyone need a blowjob?

I can only speak for myself . I am 49 and knew I was different long before I knew what sexuality was . Was raised in a sheltered life and didn't here about bisexuls until first year in High School ..That was my light bulb moment and has been comfortable with it since

I'm 59 and I didn't get interested untill the last couple of years. Would never have considered it before. Something changed and I find myself attracted to cocks. I don't find guys attractive, just the cocks. Finally acted on it and now am always on the lookout for like minded friends. Like to stay with married as much as possible in the thought that the risk is lower.

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Originally Posted by tenni

Why bless your heart sweetie. If you read my first line, I wrote from my experience.

I've been told this by many men who have had their marriage breakdown. That doesn't omit a man's role in the marriage breakdown or a failure to adapt to societal change but it is a reality from my experience. You do not have to accept it but then you are not living in a middle aged man's body. That is not to say that all men experience this. I know a lot of guys who give up on chics and turn to dicks after divorce one or two at least for awhile. They see it as easier and less complicated. That is not to say that they totally give up on women. For some it is a rebound experience of I wonder what sucking dick is like? etc...lol

Kate
It is not women who separate men from each other as often as it is men who separate themselves from other men more often than not. In some possibilities it is uncertainty or maybe even homophobia. Men are sometimes encouraged to see other men as competitors not all but it can be a pressure in business etc. But yes, I have seen men find themselves isolated other than work and their wives. I have heard men say that their wives do not want them to have friends and that is how the man sees it. It may not be how the wife sees it at all.

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My husband says the SAME thing!!! Men are less complicated- he doesn't suck- he fucks and loves to rec oral. Actually told me that my blow jobs aren't as good as the men and he could have someone teach me. Well that hurt. I actually researched read blogs and asked what felt good.. he doesn't talk alot so it was like pulling teeth. Gave head several times after to 2 other men in our threesomes and I was getting msgd all damn day how fucking good my soft lips felt. So again I was perplexed with how to take what my husband had said to me!

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Originally Posted by just4mefc

OMG this is a load of crap if ever there was one. Men want to suck the dicks of other men because their wive's let themselves go? Yup that is it, They don't say the wife is not fun anymore think I will fuck my secretary or hit on her sister, nope the say give me some man love. I know, their wives are at the point where that little mustache starts to grow and then don't tend to it. Then the guy say wtf if she is gonna look a guy I might as well go some dick!

Who has said they are now bi because well "she didn't age well" name one. Let alone lots.

Good laugh though :bigrin:

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LMAO!!!!

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Originally Posted by csrakate

Mikey...I have no intention in getting into a fight with that fellow or anyone else.....so your "And they're off" comment was not necessary.

As a woman who has experienced menopause, who has had to suffer through a hysterectomy and diminished sex drive due to both situations, I find it sad that many men, the poster included, can be so cavalier to think that these are the reasons a man's attention turns to the same sex. This is not something a woman chooses. As a matter of fact, it is highly frustrating to be unable to achieve orgasm after years of being able to do so and to do so multiple times....it's highly frustrating to not get that special "tingle" when your husband touches you. But it is not a permanent situation and with a little time and a lot of understanding, this too passes.

I struggled to do what I could to keep my husband satisfied during this time of our lives and I guess I am just damned lucky he didn't decide to bail on me when times were tough. We worked together as a couple to keep the love alive...and now that the struggle has passed, we have a fabulous sex life that would rival any. Don't be so quick to place the blame on the menopausal wife or the middle aged woman....it's not fun for them either....believe me. Can't men just accept that maybe...just maybe...they have decided to try their bi side because they are older and they don't want to die without having ever tried??? Couldn't it just be that the desire just deepens over time...Does it HAVE to be because they have an overweight, undersexed wife????

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Well said!
I just turned 40 last month but had severe complications after my twins in 2004, finally underwent a full hysterectomy in 2008, the hormone therapy was a horrible experience for me and come to find out that was the time he started pitching for the other team. Did I drive him there- he sure wants to blame it on that.. He has confessed having experiences when he was younger in the military.. that leaves me to believe those disires have been there all along but was too afraid to act on it. Then 11 years after his military experience he marries me without ever telling me this story and 4 yrs after we married he turns bi...eh something doesn't sit well with me.
FTR, I'm still married to him, been supportive and accepting- yet he does not want me to enjoy sex with anyone else unless he is present so he can see how I react, it should be another bi male, an open marriage on his terms only.

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Originally Posted by mikey3000

It worked for Mimi Rogers. She got tired of dealing with men (three marriages) and is now a lesbian, or are you going to say she was closeted all her life?

Why do you find it so hard to accept that some people have such bad experiences with the opposite sex that they try pitching for the other team? Many others on here have discussed the fluidity of human sexuality, so why can't someone choose to try the same sex? Or should we not have that choice and just pin it on genetics? There will always be a need for hookers and "other women", as long as marriage exists, but for some, it is a valid choice to try the other side, and I say all the power to them. And for some reason, I expect that men and women will differ on this topic, so let's see if I'm right.

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Mikey, I'm actually going to agree with this statement.

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Originally Posted by jubaman

I just discovered this forum and have enjoyed reading this thread, so I figured I'd contribute my $.02.

I'm 60 and had my first male sexual experience about 5 months ago. Up until the past year or so, I had never had (at least consciously had) any interest in men at all. Over the past 5-6 years my wife, who has never had a really strong sex drive, has lost what little interest she had. She has told me that she only does it to satisfy me, but we very much love and care about each other. Meanwhile, my sex drive seems to have increased, if anything.

I basically worked around the problem by using porn and masturbating a lot. I thought about using a site like AFF to find a female lover but didn't follow through, and did try an escort service twice, but found it unsatisfying. In my porn browsing about a year and a half ago, I started tending more to bi stories and particularly MMF. I then started looking at bi videos and found that I got really turned on and began fantasizing about those situations.

I decided to try to find a situation and joined AFF a few months ago. I've hooked up with a few men and have found myself desiring male-to-male physical contact more and more. One part of the equation is that it definitely seems easier to make that sort of a hookup than with a women. At the risk of making an overly broad generalization - most women are looking for more than just no strings sex, and the few that are have a LOT of guys vying for their attention. So, in my case, I have no desire to replace the relationship that I have with my wife, but I do need the sexual satisfaction that I've found a man can provide.

I'm pretty conflicted about this because I really don't want to be dishonest with my wife - none of these encounters (in my mind, at least) are competing with her. She has no idea about this side of me, and I know she wouldn't take it very well if she did. I really don't want to hurt her or risk our relationship, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do going forward.

But to come back to the topic of this thread, in my case at least, it seems that for me (as well as several of the men that I've met), turning by at mid-life was definitely the case.

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I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?

Isn't the expression, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" ......appropriate here ?"

I would love it if my wife wanted to be with another man or women, it would be even better if I could watch and even better if I could join in.... Wow!

I think I was bi since puberty and that was in the mid 80's when everyone thought that only gay men could get aids. Needless to say that kept me from wanting to come out to anyone for fear of discrimination. Luckily my best friend at the time made the first moves and we had a wonderful secret relationship that I will always cherish. I think that hitting 40 makes you realize that life is too short to deny your true desires and worry about what people think. I will come out soon...just trying to figure out how to do it.

Post 115

"I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?"

Hiswife
I agree that from a heteronormative perspective that if one person should be permitted to have outside of relationship "fun" play the other should. The "equal play" that you see is from a cross gender sex position. From a bisexual perspective (or at least mine) you can not give him what he wants and you find this difficult to accept? As I recall, he is a top but wants the male body. You can not give that to him though. He is not hetero and it is not the same. If you wanted same gender and cross gender sex only from him that would make sense.

I think that your partner is either not being understood by you or he is acting like a dick though. This talk about wanting to be open and for him to also have women sexually but you may not have men is not how I see bisexuality. His perspective does not align with my perspective about bi guys and their needs. He seems to be demanding an unfair expectation that way. The fact that he does not satisfy you sexually and you want to also be satisfied is another fly in the ointment. There is "stuff" going on between the two of you indicating incompatibility?..or something and goes way beyond his sexuality imo.



"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by itsmeandyou

Isn't the expression, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" ......appropriate here ?"

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This is how all my hetero friends precieve, and to my dismay- I as well until recently. Thus the quote I'm about to respond to from Tenni

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wannagonow11

I would love it if my wife wanted to be with another man or women, it would be even better if I could watch and even better if I could join in.... Wow!

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and see we have been in this situation before, but I cannot enjoy because he is jealous if I enjoy too much.., gets distracted, loses an erection and the whole night is ruined.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

Post 115

"I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?"

Hiswife
I agree that from a heteronormative perspective that if one person should be permitted to have outside of relationship "fun" play the other should. The "equal play" that you see is from a cross gender sex position. From a bisexual perspective (or at least mine) you can not give him what he wants and you find this difficult to accept? As I recall, he is a top but wants the male body. You can not give that to him though. He is not hetero and it is not the same. If you wanted same gender and cross gender sex only from him that would make sense.

I think that your partner is either not being understood by you or he is acting like a dick though. This talk about wanting to be open and for him to also have women sexually but you may not have men is not how I see bisexuality. His perspective does not align with my perspective about bi guys and their needs. He seems to be demanding an unfair expectation that way. The fact that he does not satisfy you sexually and you want to also be satisfied is another fly in the ointment. There is "stuff" going on between the two of you indicating incompatibility?..or something and goes way beyond his sexuality imo.
"

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Yes, I have come to terms that I am not a man and do not give him what he wants.. even though he is a man- he does not give me what I want from a man either. I like anal, I like naughty and a little rough sometimes, I like to be shoved down on the bed and crawled onto, I like my hands held above my head or behind my back, I like to beg for it and be teased with the tip... WE HAVE talked about these things and tried them and they always end with him losing an erection. OR it just plan feels forced with him. So this is where I want to seek outside the marriage for the things he cannot give me as well as he seeks outside the marriage for things I cannot give REGARDLESS of the gender.