Discreet or cheat? What is the difference?

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Originally Posted by FalconAngel

Sorry, but you have been telling everyone that you are LDD's girlfriend.

Is that an inaccurate statement?
I mean, you have said it more than once and even made specific mention of it for a thread that you started on that subject.

Whatever agreement that you two have is not anyone's business, but if you both know that the other has approval to mess around behind your back on their own, then that is not the same as cheating, since, in that case, you are both aware of and approve.

Cheating is sneaking around and violating one's relationship agreement (or marriage vows).

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I am not his girlfriend, I'm his partner. Lifemate whatever you want to call it. And he will not cheat on me, he is as anti cheating as I am. You attempted to say he was wrong because he actually sees there are specific times IE LittleRayofSunshine's aunt that had the mental capacity of a child that could not consent to sex let alone understand that her husband was going elsewhere. So again you try to say that LDD is pro cheating, he's not. As he has posted AGAIN AND AGAIN with the same message. What about the cheated on? He got flamed then and he probably will again. But you need to stop with your personal attacks because they are in complete violation of this board's policies.

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Originally Posted by FalconAngel

Sorry, but you have been telling everyone that you are LDD's girlfriend.

Is that an inaccurate statement?
I mean, you have said it more than once and even made specific mention of it for a thread that you started on that very subject.

Whatever agreement that you two have is not anyone's business, but if you both know that the other has approval to mess around behind your back on their own, then that is not the same as cheating, since, in that case, you are both aware of and approve.

Cheating is sneaking around and violating one's relationship agreement (or marriage vows).

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ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you, the following .....

in this very thread, I have stated, that I am anti cheating but pro understanding of the nature of cheating and why it can happen
apparently a side opposite to falcons own stance of anti cheating....

in this very thread, we have witnessed falcon address others to speak to him directly.... while falcon has me on ignore and fails to see my stance as posted in this thread

in this very thread, my fellow posters, I have clearly stated that my partner, twyla twobits is well capable of satisfying me and that is why I endeavour to remain monogamous, while falcon has clearly admitted that his own partner fails to satisfy him, so he needs to seek satisfaction with others....

in this very thread, we bear witness to falcon calling others by degrading names and inflammatory labels, while portraying himself as a moral gentleman....

so my fellow posters, I put the following to you

that falcon indeed, seeks to justify his own wandering from the marital art, by way of personal remarks about the lifestyle of others and the fact that it would may well be a case, of falcon is unable to accept that twlya is able to do what he can not, satisfy their partner
falcon has protrayed himself as a man that embraces the truth and faces any battle directly, while making statements about and regarding me, that are clearly incorrect.... incorrect because falcon has me on ignore so is unable to know my actual stance and therefore is showing that falcon is ignorant of the truth by his own hand......

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I direct you to pictures on falcon on his profile, dressed in a kilt which many people may feel is a substitute for a desire to wear feminine natured clothing as kilts do take on the same form as a dress

in closing, I feel that this case of the thread and posts is best summed up with a single sentence

" falcon has proven that he is the exact opposite of what he claims to do and say, and to be... and in conclusion, we can only assume that falcon is not a male at all, but in fact a woman in drag with a beard "

I thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury and await your decision as to the charges against falcon

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Originally Posted by TwylaTwobits

I am not his girlfriend, I'm his partner. Lifemate whatever you want to call it. And he will not cheat on me, he is as anti cheating as I am.

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Well, then I was right.

I never specifically said that he was pro cheating, but I did posit the possibility as one of 2 options as to why he sided with Mikey, who is almost militantly pro-cheating.

The other option, then (the one that I had hoped for), is that he is under the impression that the enemy of his enemy is his friend. He is wrong about that, of course, and will soon discover that to be true.

He opposes cheating, just as I had believed, so he's siding with Mikey just to oppose me, without regard to my, or his, personal stance, on this subject.

Like I said, the enemy of his enemy is not his friend. And you need to read, a bit more thoroughly, what I say before responding to it.

like I said in the post that you responded to, I asked if that was the reason or was it just to oppose me.

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Originally Posted by TwylaTwobits

You attempted to say he was wrong because he actually sees there are specific times IE LittleRayofSunshine's aunt that had the mental capacity of a child that could not consent to sex let alone understand that her husband was going elsewhere.

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Now that needs deeper examination, doesn't it. Was this due to an accident after marriage or was that specific mental state in existence before marriage.

If it was before, then why marry her at all or get involved? If after, then were all other, more honest, options explored?

You, as a fellow Pagan should know that everyone is responsible for their own words and actions; for good or ill. We are responsible to examine every possibility and, as long as we are good people, we should be choosing to make the least harmful (to ourselves and/or others around us) actions to take.

Don't you agree with that?

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Originally Posted by TwylaTwobits

So again you try to say that LDD is pro cheating, he's not. As he has posted AGAIN AND AGAIN with the same message. What about the cheated on? He got flamed then and he probably will again. But you need to stop with your personal attacks because they are in complete violation of this board's policies.

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Like I said before. I didn't say that he was I said that it was one of 2 reasonable choices as to why he sided with Mikey. See, I have him figured out, and, to a degree, you as well. He will hold onto a grudge as long as possible, perhaps even long enough that it eats him alive.
And you will side with him, whether he is right or wrong, particularly when he is wrong.
In your case, it is an admirable trait, but you should be sure that he is right more than wrong. Because he is an adult and should be able to win at least one argument and be able to prove at least one point on his own.

If you pick a side, simply to get the upper hand in an argument that you know to be wrong, it will not make you right and you will lose.

Perhaps he should read a little bit of "the art of war".
Mikey chose to fight a battle against common decency and when he started to lose, then LDD joining him did not help his position, because LDD does not believe in it.

To win a war, you must believe in the cause. Mikey is just being arbitrary, since he has claimed that he no longer behaves in accordance with the cause he is fighting for. He no longer believes in the cause (cheating).

I, on the other hand, firmly believe in my cause (integrity in one's relationship).

I cold show examples from both world and American history to prove my point, but they would just fall on deaf ears.

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Originally Posted by FalconAngel

Well, then I was right.

I never specifically said that he was pro cheating, but I did posit the possibility as one of 2 options as to why he sided with Mikey, who is almost militantly pro-cheating.

The other option, then (the one that I had hoped for), is that he is under the impression that the enemy of his enemy is his friend. He is wrong about that, of course, and will soon discover that to be true.

He opposes cheating, just as I had believed, so he's siding with Mikey just to oppose me, without regard to my, or his, personal stance, on this subject.

Like I said, the enemy of his enemy is not his friend. And you need to read, a bit more thoroughly, what I say before responding to it.

like I said in the post that you responded to, I asked if that was the reason or was it just to oppose me.



Now that needs deeper examination, doesn't it. Was this due to an accident after marriage or was that specific mental state in existence before marriage.

If it was before, then why marry her at all or get involved? If after, then were all other, more honest, options explored?

You, as a fellow Pagan should know that everyone is responsible for their own words and actions; for good or ill. We are responsible to examine every possibility and, as long as we are good people, we should be choosing to make the least harmful (to ourselves and/or others around us) actions to take.

Don't you agree with that?




Like I said before. I didn't say that he was I said that it was one of 2 reasonable choices as to why he sided with Mikey. See, I have him figured out, and, to a degree, you as well. He will hold onto a grudge as long as possible, perhaps even long enough that it eats him alive.
And you will side with him, whether he is right or wrong, particularly when he is wrong.
In your case, it is an admirable trait, but you should be sure that he is right more than wrong. Because he is an adult and should be able to win at least one argument and be able to prove at least one point on his own.

If you pick a side, simply to get the upper hand in an argument that you know to be wrong, it will not make you right and you will lose.

Perhaps he should read a little bit of "the art of war".
Mikey chose to fight a battle against common decency and when he started to lose, then LDD joining him did not help his position, because LDD does not believe in it.

To win a war, you must believe in the cause. Mikey is just being arbitrary, since he has claimed that he no longer behaves in accordance with the cause he is fighting for. He no longer believes in the cause (cheating).

I, on the other hand, firmly believe in my cause (integrity in one's relationship).

I cold show examples from both world and American history to prove my point, but they would just fall on deaf ears.

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You just proved you didn't read LittleRayofSunshine's post at all didn't you. Your "needs to be looked at deeper" is answered there. There are shades of grey where cheating is understandable but no one has ever said it's RIGHT. There is a huge difference. No one is siding with anyone because they like or dislike anyone. This is an issue that has probably touched every person on this site given by the number of responses to the many, many cheating threads on this board. Learn to read the shadows, Falcon, just because old ways are old doesn't make them wise.

Again, Falcon. you have no power over anyone here. You don't like when people can think for themselves, thus you must attack them from every angle. That is a sign of poor character. You randomly attack everyone's intelect and skill to elevate YOUR self. That is what is so pathetic about you, you have a superiority complex. Mystery solved. I don't need to amass the troops for battle with you at all. All I have to do is give you a platform. You do the damage all yourself.

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Originally Posted by rissababynta

Ok I gotta admit that I did LOL at this.

Ok so you know how when Tom Cruise started getting weird...and we all started wondering what was going on with him...then after his appearance on Oprah we finally said to ourselves "yeah...I think he may have just cracked."

Well I hate to say it but I think that Falcon is like Tom and this thread is like Oprah's couch...

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Dammit, you know you gotta ring me on the white courtesy phone if there's gonna be a Miss Cruise allusion to be made. :p

*Taylor*

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Originally Posted by rissababynta

Ok I gotta admit that I did LOL at this.

Ok so you know how when Tom Cruise started getting weird...and we all started wondering what was going on with him...then after his appearance on Oprah we finally said to ourselves "yeah...I think he may have just cracked."

Well I hate to say it but I think that Falcon is like Tom and this thread is like Oprah's couch...

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lmao! I absolutly agree. I know I get steamed when I get into a debate and sometimes get nasty whern defending a point but then I cool off and apologize like I did with LDD. Falcon however will never do that because he's nuts and he is close minded and a all or nothing, black and white area. BTW was Falcon really banned? if so then this wont matter much but heres the facts falcon loves so much from either side.

Fact 1: cheating as defined as hiding or lying to your S.O. about having sex out of your relationship is wrong, and causes harm to a relationship.

Fact 2: there are some exceptions and/or justifiable reasons for cheating involving one or both people involved. This DOES NOT mean harm is still not casued to the relationship because of such actions. justified as it might be it still causes pain and/or stress for the relationship and really shouldn't be done. Unless of course if you had extinuating cercumstances like your S.O. not having the ability of concenting, as previously discussed.

Fact 3: People have many definitions of cheating. Most people in a monogumous relationship consider cheating having sex outside of the relationship or seeking satifaction with another person other than said S.O.

Others however in varius degrees of openness consider cheating just lying about seeing someone else or hiding the fact. In other words its the deception not the act that is the betrayal.

Still others consider becoming emotionally attached to someone other than thier S.O. is cheating. Meaning the arrangment was purely meaningless sex out of the relationship, emotion/love/attachment inside the relationship.

Fact 4: no mater which form of cheating one does the best solution to rectify it is telling your S.O. about it and letting them have the choice to deside what to do next. as hard of a thing to do as that seems it is the only true Fair one.

there are the facts that I have gathered from this thread use them as you wish and Falcon can kiss my fact gathering ASS since he only seems to pick the ones that suite him. well guess what? facts are impartial.

Facts are like Pokemon cards...some are so complicated that all you can do is collect them.

and if I missed some please tell me.;)

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Originally Posted by crazy_cat_lady

lmao! I absolutly agree. I know I get steamed when I get into a debate and sometimes get nasty whern defending a point but then I cool off and apologize like I did with LDD. Falcon however will never do that because he's nuts and he is close minded and a all or nothing, black and white area. BTW was Falcon really banned? if so then this wont matter much but heres the facts falcon loves so much from either side.

Fact 1: cheating as defined as hiding or lying to your S.O. about having sex out of your relationship is wrong, and causes harm to a relationship.

Fact 2: there are some exceptions and/or justifiable reasons for cheating involving one or both people involved. This DOES NOT mean harm is still not casued to the relationship because of such actions. justified as it might be it still causes pain and/or stress for the relationship and really shouldn't be done. Unless of course if you had extinuating cercumstances like your S.O. not having the ability of concenting, as previously discussed.

Fact 3: People have many definitions of cheating. Most people in a monogumous relationship consider cheating having sex outside of the relationship or seeking satifaction with another person other than said S.O.

Others however in varius degrees of openness consider cheating just lying about seeing someone else or hiding the fact. In other words its the deception not the act that is the betrayal.

Still others consider becoming emotionally attached to someone other than thier S.O. is cheating. Meaning the arrangment was purely meaningless sex out of the relationship, emotion/love/attachment inside the relationship.

Fact 4: no mater which form of cheating one does the best solution to rectify it is telling your S.O. about it and letting them have the choice to deside what to do next. as hard of a thing to do as that seems it is the only true Fair one.

there are the facts that I have gathered from this thread use them as you wish and Falcon can kiss my fact gathering ASS since he only seems to pick the ones that suite him. well guess what? facts are impartial.

Facts are like Pokemon cards...some are so complicated that all you can do is collect them.

and if I missed some please tell me.;)

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Very well stated. Covered all the bases.

yeah I agree, it about covers it..... and lays it out that cheating is a lot of grey areas, not black and white

:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

YAY! I did good! so tell me is falcon banned or not? it says it under his name...does that mean he is?

yeah... falcons banned..... why and what for, I can only guess at..... but drew had his reasons.....

What? He's banned? I hope it wasn't on my behalf.

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Originally Posted by mikey3000

What? He's banned? I hope it wasn't on my behalf.

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;):tongue:

:eek: Holy crap!!! I didn't mean for that to happen. I just wanted him to respect other people's positions and not be so mean to them. Wow.

falcon created his own path,.... and chose to walk it.... nobody else is responsible for the way that path lay

falcons fate was decided by his own hand so it was only a matter of time before what he wove with his words, would become his own last words.... I warned him about that in another thread, when he mocked wicca and the olde ways.....

So then Twyla is banned too?

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Originally Posted by rissababynta

So then Twyla is banned too?

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and still waiting on a response from Drew, but since I did nothing bannable, new name, old face, same attitude. Even if Twyla is unbanned I'll prolly still use this name. Twyla was a name made up in a hurry to get in to see Duckies profile when he sent me here to see it, this is a name I made after being here.

OMG people, what the hell goes on?

Is it that we get antsy when there isn't a troll around for a while, and just feel the need to attack one another, because nobody else is doing it?

Can everyone please just look at themselves, decide honestly in your own heart whether you've behaved badly or not (we DON'T need to hear your decision), and if you have, then apologize *either in a silent prayer or a private message*. Then, regardless of your position, definitions, moral high ground, wrongdoing, or whatever, *stop* posting to this thread??

I'll start, so you can see what it looks like...watch me:

such is human nature Annika. we've been doing it for millenia. if we havent a common enemy we fight unangst ourselfs. an example my bf would use are the 13 tribes of Isreal. when they werent fighting a common enemy they fought eachother.

I am over 65 have been seeing the same guy for sex only for 5 - 6 years now, I got very envolved with lady but continue to stop by his house for a sexual relief I do not consider it cheating what do you think?

Good lord. Ya'll havent figured this out yet? Cheating and lying to a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend ect is Still cheating, no matter How you try to sugar coat it and gloss it over to make it prettier, or to justify yourself in doing so.

Cheaters are just that, and cant be trusted as far as one can lift a pick up truck. Plain and simple truth. And if someone says "Oh I think its perfectly alright to cheat" then thats Your baggage and you have to deal with it. You live with your supposition, we'll live with the truth.
Cat

The two words exist because they mean different things. And they are not mutually exclusive. One can be a cheat and not discreet about it and one can be discreet and not a cheat. And of course you can be both discreet and a cheat.

You seem to have very firm position that exposes a world that, in your eyes, is black and white. Bisexuality is about shades of gray! Different levels of attraction. How one decides to express his bisexuality is entirely his (or hers) business. Because of many reasons some stay in the closet or choose to disclose their bisexuality to a limited number of people.

Instead of denigrating the members in this site, perhaps it would be more adroit of you to have a conversation on how we can influence social sensibilities and openness about sexuality so that more of us can live less discreetly.

DM

Extremely well stated DareMe.

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Originally Posted by DareMe

Instead of denigrating the members in this site, perhaps it would be more adroit of you to have a conversation on how we can influence social sensibilities and openness about sexuality so that more of us can live less discreetly.
DM

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Less discreetly? Does this mean you condone a person's cheating?
Confused Cat

Is there anyone here who reads an ad on this site that says 'must be discrete' that doesn't know that the person doesn't want their wife to find out?

Playing word games can be fun. But the truth, inactual practice, is that the two words are used interchangably on this site, and that the usage is accepted by all. Even those who wisj to pretend otherwise.

Pasa

I feel that if you are bi you have already come to turms with life that most people do not see as right. Having sex with more then one person and or sex. So calling some one on the carpet for cheating is in some text an oxy moron. Yes, I agree if married you partner should know but then again that could be enough to destroy that pesron. None of this is right in the way the world thinks about it at all so either you are happy with you choices and that you can live with it or you don't do it at all. But to call some one on their beliefes is no defrent then some one thinking bad that you are bisexual in the first place.

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Originally Posted by FalconAngel

To me, discrete is when you do not want the outside world to know and cheat is when you don't want your s/o to know.

The former is not bad, but the latter is bad. There are plenty of Bi couples, straight couples and mixed orientation couples out there that are discrete, but it does not mean that there is cheating going on. In our case, we both try to meet any of the guys that we are interested in, together. It does not always work out that way (when the wife is tired or ill), so the wife sends me off to do the meet and I return and report to her what my feelings are about the guy.

That is not cheating, but it is discrete.

Like I said, if the s/o does not know and is kept in the dark about anything even happening (like lying about it), then that is definitely cheating.

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:male: Thats it my wife not only knows but got him and togrther and joins in at times but don't want to all the time the rest of the world has no NEED to know...... if your S/O dont know you are not only cheating but in our opnion a low life ass. if you love your s/o tell them if not spilt but don't live a lie... bi, str8 or gay no matter it's love and respect for your s/o

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Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2

Is there anyone here who reads an ad on this site that says 'must be discrete' that doesn't know that the person doesn't want their wife to find out?

Playing word games can be fun. But the truth, inactual practice, is that the two words are used interchangably on this site, and that the usage is accepted by all. Even those who wisj to pretend otherwise.

Pasa

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You may think I'm just one of the naive ones, Pasa, but you are making unwarranted assumptions.

I am a professional. I am partnered. I am reasonably out (most people around know my partner is female, and I do correct people when they try to claim that I'm lesbian, rather than bi).

My partner and I have been monogamous for the past 25 years. But if we decide that we'd like to share a man, or even another woman (a) it will be done together (no cheating involved), and (b) we will damned well demand that it be discreet. We are a pair of professional women living in a small town area...indiscretion could well endanger either our careers or our lives.

I know other professionals on the site, who could be likewise affected by indiscretion. So please revise your opinion of what the word "discreet" means, when you view it on this site. It may not be what you're assuming.

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Originally Posted by Annika L

You may think I'm just one of the naive ones, Pasa, but you are making unwarranted assumptions.

I am a professional. I am partnered. I am reasonably out (most people around know my partner is female, and I do correct people when they try to claim that I'm lesbian, rather than bi).

My partner and I have been monogamous for the past 25 years. But if we decide that we'd like to share a man, or even another woman (a) it will be done together (no cheating involved), and (b) we will damned well demand that it be discreet. We are a pair of professional women living in a small town area...indiscretion could well endanger either our careers or our lives.

I know other professionals on the site, who could be likewise affected by indiscretion. So please revise your opinion of what the word "discreet" means, when you view it on this site. It may not be what you're assuming.

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This is an old tread, don't get so hung up,,,,:eek:

I'm sorry but I have 2 put my 2 cents into this 2.

I am married to a man who doesn't really completely understand bisexuality. He has made an effort to understand, don't get me wrong. I have been monogamous with him for the past 9 yrs we have been together. He knew I was bi sexual when we first met 12 yrs ago. I haven't let my desires to be with woman over his emotional needs or sexual needs either.
Just here recently has my needs to be with woman again grow stronger. I have let his know this, good communication is key to a great marriage. He still tells me he doesn't really know how he feels about me being with anyone else sexually, regardless of gender.
He has let me have a g/f, even tho see lives 4 hrs away. We haven't done anything sexual together, but if that happens, he knows that I will tell him or talk to him about it. What we do in our marriage is discrete and only between the parties involved. I love my husband very much and no way will I do anything that will hurt him in anyway, emotional or other wise.
I don't believe in cheating and will never do it,but if he is ok with me being with a woman sexually that's a plus. If he isn't ok with it, then I will just keep it as a fantasy. It might sound like he is being selfish on his part since he already know before we got married, but I also knew what kind of person he was before I married him 2.
All I'm saying is, just b/c someone is bisexual doesn't mean they have to act on their urges just b/c they have them. You can be honest with your partner, so they know how you feel. What or how u deal with the urges should be between both partners in the marriage or realtionship, not just 1.

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Originally Posted by goldenfinger

This is an old tread, don't get so hung up,,,,:eek:

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Yes, I was aware it was old. I don't get how the age of the thread changes the validity of what I wrote, what seems hung up to you, or what causes your eek.

Annika,

I'm just saying what the vast majority is. Most of those ads read: MWM must be discrete. That's code for 'don't let my wife find out.' Far too many conversations with these peeps.

No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

Pasa

I always thought that 'Must Be Discreet' meant "Don't act like a raving queen blowing kisses to me as I get back in my car!".:bigrin:
Well something to do with being closeted where m-m is concerned.

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Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2

Annika,

...No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

Pasa

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I am curious, what makes you think that the "vast majority" are cheaters? Can you provide a reference to back up your assertion?

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Originally Posted by welickit

We are both sure this will generate lots of flaming. What is the difference and what does a cheat or liar have to offer? You can't take care of your own spouse so you look elsewhere. Now comes the excuses.

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it's a real can of worms that I've addressed here before; the deception in the bi community disturbs me.

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Originally Posted by Northerner

I am curious, what makes you think that the "vast majority" are cheaters? Can you provide a reference to back up your assertion?

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Well, Northerner, yes I can... I did a poll here a few months ago and while the majority was not quite 'vast' more than 50% of the guys said they cheat..

I agree with Cat's comment above.. Cheating is cheating, which is lying and at least for me, no way to treat my wife..

I've spent quite some time (several years), coming out out her all over again after 32 years of monogamous marriage (I told her I was bi before we married, now I want to add some kink to our life, rekindle our sexuality - hers had been flagging, and renegotiate monogamy).

It has been a very slow and sometimes painful process. But it is working. We have been to a swinger's club several times and after a rocky start, we are both having fun and maybe working toward playing with others together. We have also discussed letting me out to play with others. She has used a strapon on me and we both enjoyed it. (oh lord, I certainly did! :bigrin:

Probably the most important thing, is that she as started joking with me about sexuality again. She has even started sending me links to sexual orientation articles she comes across while doing her daily Internet news surf..

Others here have had it a lot easier, and a lot harder...

Not cheating has certainly been a challenging approach, but I can look her in the eye, say that I have never cheated and I won't and she knows I am speaking truth.

That goes a long way helping us get wherever we are going... together..

Your mileage WILL vary..

Liz

And I also agree with Gearbox, discreet is not going kissy to some guy in public, it does not necessarily have anything to do with cheating or not.. I live in the country in Texas, no matter what, my MM relationships will ALWAYS be discreet, if and when they start again.

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Originally Posted by Pasadenacpl2

Annika,

I'm just saying what the vast majority is. Most of those ads read: MWM must be discrete. That's code for 'don't let my wife find out.' Far too many conversations with these peeps.

No, it may not mean that for everyone. But for the vast majority, it does.

Pasa

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Pasa--speaking strictly for myself---I am single but I still like to put it in profiles and in conversations with someone that I might meet with that I prefer to practice "Discretion" as well in such matters.

I prefer my sexual and or romantic life to be "discreet" like in I don't want the whole damn world to know about it whether I am with a lady or a guy--I mean this more in an old school sense that I don't feel who I might be with is not really a matter of "public record" as it were. I guess to use an old saying---"gentlemen don't kiss and tell" if you catch my drift.

I am sure to that to you-- politically and ideologically--I am a raging liberal and all---but when it comes to the way I generally live my life and conduct myself---I am really rather "conservative" with the big exception I guess is that I never did follow society's script that "you have to get married" and I don't follow the rules about not having sex with other guys.

I do have my reasons for not being open to the public about my bisexuality, but then again--I never felt it should be public knowledge, necessarily about what ladies I was seeing and or having sex with as well and I am sure as hell not going to go around blasting from the rooftops that I also like to have sex with guys--there are many downsides to that, sad to say.

I can assure you--there is not enough tea in China or gold in Fort Knox that would ever entice me to be on one of these scumbag, bottle of the barrel "reality" shows that exposes people's personal lives like the "Real Wives" shows. I just don't know what the hell would possess anyone to expose their personal lives in such a way!!!!! Money and some degree of passing "fame" (more like infamy as far as I am concerned) I guess--which to me is pure idiocy!!

When it comes to making judgements on why other guys say they want "discretion"-- being the evil, godless commie liberal I am---I don't make such value judgments and accept their desire for such discretion, accepting that their reason for doing so: " it is what it is" and pledge to honor that as long as they reciprocate in kind for me.

How's that for one of my "rambles??":bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::2cents: :2cents:

I'm rather repulsed by those who carry on about the term cheating and such judgmental approaches to bisexuality.

Discretion is something that I want and practise. I'm single and even when I have an intimate friendship with a guy, I don't want any public displays of affection or carrying on.

I agree with those who state that some of us are discreet and that doesn't mean that we cheat.

What I am noticing on another bisexual site with a larger number of younger men, university age, that there seems to be a desire to be "out" to the family and world as a stage of declaring your bisexuality. It seems to be a rite of passage for these younger guys while others want discretion once they are in the workforce.

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Originally Posted by lizard-lix

Well, Northerner, yes I can... I did a poll here a few months ago and while the majority was not quite 'vast' more than 50% of the guys said they cheat..

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Hi Liz, I just wanted to point out that I *think* Northerner left out an important modifier in his post. I *think* (and I hope he'll correct me if I'm wrong) that he meant "what makes you think that the "vast majority" of people who request discretion in their profiles are cheaters?"

I remember your poll, and yes I agree that the majority of respondents said they cheated. The question that Northener seemed to be addressing, though, was whether (as Pasa claims) the expression "must be discreet" is really used by the vast majority of our members as code for "I'm cheating and I don't want my partner to find out."

Your poll would not shed light on that question.

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Originally Posted by tenni

I'm rather repulsed by those who carry on about the term cheating and such judgmental approaches to bisexuality.

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Meh, tenni, I'm pretty repulsed by the extremes on both sides: both those who fly into a knee-jerk rage over anyone's use of the word "cheat" or their questioning about what constitutes cheating, AND those who feel that violating their agreements with their partner without their partner's knowledge does not harm a relationship.

I think both positions lack thoughtfulness...and that suggests to me a denial of the complexity of the issue. I'm always repulsed by denial, even my own.:tongue: