You said it Biwords! I wouldn't kick 'er outa bed fer eatin' crackers.Quote:
Originally Posted by biwords
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You said it Biwords! I wouldn't kick 'er outa bed fer eatin' crackers.Quote:
Originally Posted by biwords
My previous smart assed comment aside (do not think I didn't mean it though), That was a beautiful article. You touched my heart. Age is an issue for me as well because I denied my sexuality until I was almost 40. I now seem to be swimming in pool with much younger more out going bisexuals. I've never really been much of a swinger, prefering at least some kind of relationship along with the sex, even if only friendship.
I've been diagnosed with diabetes for about half a year now and the prospect of possible erectile disfunction is very real and very scary. So I can relate (to some extent) to each of the issues you presented. Like I said you touch me in a place I try to keep hidden away and I thank you for your beautiful words.
I seem to remember posting this comment before (alz??).
If it were not for mirrors and calendars, would I feel like I am 30 (or is that 39?).
Go for the gusto! Enjoy the ride. I do.
Thank you so much for your touching reply. Sorry to hear about the diabetes. Chronic illness can be tough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Magick
I didnt realize my article was still garnering replies. Thanks to everyone else who posted wonderful and supportive comments to my article since I last checked.
I have started a blog called Bidar (think gaydar except bi) since I wrote this article, covering bisexuality in media, arts and culture. Besides the fact that it's fun to write about bisexuality all the time, I have been able to get free tickets to queer plays and events in exchange for posting about them in Bidar. So I'm getting out a bit more and doing fun things. You can check out my blog here:
Bidar: reporting on bisexuality in media, arts and culture. Go to http://biwriters.livejournal.com/ or http://www.biwriters.org/pages/embeddedblogI.html
or http://www.biwriters.org/indexI.html and click on Bidar.
I don't know how Sheela figures she is not hot. I think she is HOT,HOT, HOT.
Wish she lived near me so we could meet.
I refuse to grow old.
Hi Sheela. I'm in my 50s and new to this site but up to a few months ago belonged to hetero dating sites here in UK. Even though over 50 I had loads of replies from men apparently dying to meet me which felt great - much needed after years of being ignored at home. And I was surprised that a lot of these men who were interested in me were up to 15 years younger than me, and attractive as well! And those I got close to didn't seem to mind some very nasty scarring following major surgery.
BUT so far women seem to be very different. I have joined several bi dating sites and most of the women seem to be in their 20s or 30s but even those in their 40s or 50s did not seem remotely interested in me. Forgive me if I am wrong but I am under the impression that women are into the stereotype of the young beautiful female being the desired target, and older women are just not desirable at all. To be honest it is beginning to put me off trying to do anything about being bi. As others have said, we women do look after ourselves well and tend to look much younger than our years, so maybe it's best to just go to bi bars and clubs instead. Or maybe it's best to be celibate! But I do agree that not being held and stroked and all that goes with a physical relationship does present a bleak future, even if at least you don't have to waste all those hours gazing at your mobile wondering why he hasn't contacted you, yet again!!!
An excellent article, and glad you seem to be on the up and up now!
Gina xxx
Well, I read this and started to freak out... I recently turned 40 and started to pursue the other possibilities. What does that mean for me, Am I dried up before I even have the chance to partake?
Rejection, the thing many of us hate the most. I'm now 60, and I can relate to much of what you wrote. At the age of 19 till 27 I was a boy toy for older women. I was in demand, and I was kept busy. I married at the age of 27, but the wife and I had an open relationship. She was HOT and also in high demand so we were both busy. At 35 things really slowed down. Now I had the time to devote to my interest in men, and things picked back up. Then at the age of 50, things really slowed on both fronts. No longer am I interesting to women, but I am no longer interesting to men either. Then the wife had ovarian cancer and her interest wained. My wife would never say no to me, but I had to initiate interest. Then at 55 my wife's youngest sister Mary moved in with us, and my wife had her take over what she felt were her sexual duties. My wife told me, "Just think a younger, beautiful blond, who likes sex". The men in my life completely dropped out of the picture. My drive is just as strong as it was when I was 19. But both my wife and Mary have slowed down. I am no longer a thing of interest to other women or men. The rejection screams in my face, but like my Dad told me "it is something I have to live with".
I do feel very fortunate that I have two loving women in my life that do everything they can to help me out. And I love them both dearly. In my mind I feel 19, but my body keeps telling me I am 60.
This really struck a chord with me as I met a lady today and we were talking about this exact subject. We both would love to hook up with porn stars but given our body types it just isn't in the cards. I have a feeling we will turn out to be each other's "porn star" eventually but that is the reality.
Isn't it funny that bi women can make the call as to when they are no longer attractive to 21 year olds, but it is so hard for straight men to do the same? No insult meant there, just a comment. I used to laugh whenever I saw the "old guy in the club" and resolved to never be the old girl in the club.
I am the same way - I used to model but gained weight steadily throughout my twenties, until I ended up at a size 18. I've worked it down to a 16, which is definitely much nicer on me as it has subtracted some icky looking jowls, but I'm still up there and it will take a hell of a lot more effort to tamp it down further. I have developed some healthier habits since taking some time to develop my at-home business, but don't expect to be down to a 12 anytime soon.
Oh yeah and from your pic, you are definitely still hot. No question about that. All I can say is if a girl can't get used to a few wrinkles how can she be bisexual - I've licked more than a few "wrinkles" in my day if you get my meaning :cool:
Older and Forgotten!
I believe that as we get older we may get bolder, please let me explain my current situation………..
My wife and I no longer have an active sex life together and she seems to have other priories in her life. Over the last few years or so she has loss most of her immediate family members. Now her life is all about spending most of her time with her daughters and their children. So sex is not one of her priorities due to the “change of life” issue that comes with getting older. Understand that this is both our second marriage. I love my wife very much. That much is very true and but I am still very human and I have needs also. I really love women…at least that what I've been telling myself for years since my early teen years.
A short history of my life is in order before I go on. I grew up in a home with my four (4) brothers and sexuality was rarely talked about. The main messages I remember when growing up as a young catholic boy was a man must be married to have sex and it must be with a woman and any sexual thoughts about another man and your own body was considered to be sinful. Remembering when I began masturbating, knowing that it was sinful and I went through a great deal of internal turmoil. I loved the feeling and touching my penis, making it hard, and eventually ejaculating. I do not remember fantasizing about men or woman. I just enjoyed giving myself pleasure, but that was still a sin.
I had my first sexual encounter was around the age of thirteen. The person that I had sex with was our former babysitter. She really was not much older than I was I think she must of been sixteen (16) or so because she was driving a 55 Chevy convertible that her dad had gotten for her sixteen birthday as I remember. One summer night she had picked me up from the neighbor grocery store that I had been worked at. We had ridden around for a while and had stop to grab a hamburger. After we had finished she had found a nice quiet place to park and she gave me my first oral experience, a mind-blowing blowjob. As time passed and on later dates she introduced me to the joys sexual intercourse. We had sex several times off and on for the next several years. Throughout my early teenage years I had managed to have sex with as many girls as I had found many female partners to engage in sex as often as I wished. At the same time, I would continue to have sex with my very first girlfriend.
I still remember still another night when an older man (probably in his late 60’s or so) who live up the street a few houses came by near closing time and ask if I could stop by and give him a hand moving something. Little did I know that he was a dirty old man? When I arrived he ask me follow him into his bedroom and started asking me different questions about sex. He asked if I ever had sex or a blowjob and I had answered yes from a girlfriend of mine. He then asked if I would like one now and I said from whom, as he reached out and touched me. Well I started getting hard and could not say no. After all “warm moist lips are warm moist lips”. And as time passed he had always wanted to do more. Looking back now, I know that what happened to me was wrong and it shaped much of my life.
Like many, when we were younger we either get stuck in the wrong role until we realize the mismatch or we have encountered opportunities to discover who we really are. I would hate to think of what my life would be like if I was still stuck in my junior high mindset. It might surprise you to know that I was all that interested in male sex, thinking it as something only gays enjoyed or that it would not be that much fun. Oh how I have learned so much since then. I am lucky though I escaped the limiting mindset of my small town school mentality and burst forth into an almost endless frontier of erotic possibilities. There are few things that I do not know if I will ever try, but there are many more enjoyable positions, role-playing, mindsets and roles that I am sure that I would enjoy interchanging. I do not discriminate now; I enjoy company of both women and men! Many years I believe that my first preference was to be with a woman but there are, some times that I crave the feeling of a smooth shaved (hairless) and hard phallus in my mouth and or maybe in my ass once again. I am glad that I got over the limits that American Society had set on me and I have now discovered what I enjoy and who I am. I would enjoy having some secure friends and have a conversation about your thoughts.
How about your comments …
Sheela, I'm sorry that your life has taken such a downward turn. But, I for one, do not believe that life ends at 50. I'm 48 and I feel like I'm just getting started.
I firmly believe that "you're as young as you feel." My sister was "old" in her 30s. I don't plan to start feeling old until I'm in my 90s, at least.
Experience has taught me that how I feel depends a great deal on how well I take care of myself. Sure, I need to eat less and exercise more to stay in the same shape I was in 20 or 30 years ago. But I don't plan to use my chronological age as an excuse for not taking care of myself.
Wow, did this hit home tonight.
I'm 53 and returned actively to the pursuit of finding a woman to share my life some 10 years ago. I had no trouble as a 43 year old attracting the interest of women. I had a number of dates, a couple of longer term relationships. Found myself back online placing a Personals ad at 51.
Nada. Zip. No response. It's like I wasn't there anymore.
I know all about the "young as you feel" adage and taking care of oneself. I look and act younger than my years. But I'm not going to lie about my age, and 50 and older is "over the hill" on the dating scene, at least judging from the lack of responses I'm now experiencing.
It's sad. But I think it's a fact of life.:eek:
At 61 this is one of the few things that I know to be true for all of us:
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens to us.
Not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life.
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.
It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results!
one thing i relized that you just don't use sex as being sexy, but your mind and intellagence. I'm prepare to be old because i can feel happy that i reached that age with out the head bloww up games. Im spiritual so sexy comes with me not my partners but if they are sexy then i will tell them every day, but it comes with self asorbed feelings about you, that you let so many people to posses that confendents of your self, and that's a no no,but your hot to me.;):flag4::bipride::three::yinyang::grouphug::sm ilies12
Sounds like someone is feeling sorry for themself.
Play the cards that are dealt.
There will be more cards dealt until you die. What you do with those cards makes you a winner or a loser. So you are not the lover you once were. Nobody is. Those people who adored you and hung out with you when you were young are acquantances not true friends. Which is what your looking for. You may find that true one, you may not. But play each day to the fullest, accomplish something each day and let the chips fall where they may.
You sounded like you were a hip person. But look deeper, better yet, dont look back. It may be too painful. But you have lived your life so now is the time to teach and support. And I am sure you will find your hotter then what you think.
your hair looks beautiful
the idea of youth vs experience is a no brainer for me
certainly gay culture particularly gay men seem to put youth on a platform
i want more than just fast sensations - tantric sex interests me alot!
maybe you need to date outside your close circle people can get a limited view of you,
i find internet helpful and cybersex is another dimension!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Do you know what ... I think that once you are over 50 you do have to lie about your age a bit, because a lot of people still have a picture in their mind of what someone over 50 would be like.
People are always amazed when they find out my real age because, thanks to lucky genes I guess, I do look a lot younger than I am. I also have a younger attitude to life - I'm full of fun, and have very liberal views on people of all different types and persuasions. I take a vague interest in what sort of music young people like, how they dance now (though hopefully do not show myself up like drunken uncles at weddings!). Admittedly the bod has definitely seen much better days but my bedfellows don't seem to mind - by that time they have been attracted to me not only physically but personality-wise as well and I always have a lovely time in bed. I am so grateful for so many lovely people being interested in me!!!
But warning: when I am over 60 there is no way I am going to admit it here because people will imagine me with a zimmer frame and incontinence knickers!
:three:
Both of my parents are over 50 and they look absolutely wonderful. My Dad has his fair set of problems, but he has aged absolutely wonderfully (has a slight salt and pepper look running through his hair...looks soooo nice on him) and my mother has been working the past couple of months in the gym training for an over fifty body building kind of competition...so yeah, when I hear fifty I don't think a whole lot of it haha.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gina7777
I feel eclipsed by the shadow of such a powerful story, and humbled to the point of not adding a remark. How can one not remark to something so truly beautiful, tragic, revealing, depressing, enlightening and might I say hopeful?
It's hopeful because you understand who and where you are and the obstacles you face. You have the insight to reveal this wound to others, not just to feed your own needs but so that we might better understand ourselves. I've often thought that the only thing we can count on is death, that the urge of self-preservation is sometimes the only thing that drives the next breath.
In my youth, when I realized myself, I looked out into the future and tried to plot the endpoints to the paths that I followed. Not so much a self-fulfilling prophecy but a logical path assuming no deviation. I see what I've always seen, everything falling apart around me until I am alone. I choose not to believe in that eventuality but I can see it. The longer I hold things in, the more they wear me down, and the pace quickens along a path.
I'm an introvert computer enthusiast that feels more comfortable with machines than people. Had I the resources to go into computer science and electrical engineering I would be single today and I'd just about guarantee single to the end.
Your life is changing but the richness of the experiences will always be with you. Not everyone is capable of those experiences. In a way I'm jealous. Only through your poetically beautiful story can I get the slightest hint of what a moment of your life is like. It is a great honor to try to give you a moment of mine.
Through my whole childhood I was tormented by thoughts of sex from the first, very accidental, orgasm at nine years of age. It guided my bisexuality and a lot of behavior, that although benign to others, I am truly ashamed of. Without someone to play with I ended up with lots of toys and a few minor medical problems in the end. All the while my love affair with computers deepened and the derivative logic was a constant clash. How could I be so burdened with such illogical desires. I must purge myself of these thoughts.
Finally, in time, the thoughts began to subside and became echos of an era I wished to forget, a past I desperately needed to get away from. Today I can embrace the emotion. During the years of confusion my logical being always pushed the emotions first. A path without emotional ties tends to end quickly.
I must admit that I don't trust people, and will never be able to find another partner beyond my wife. I'll continue to live in my computerized world, insulated from what lies beyond. The experiences I sought in fantasy in some way realized by your words and the words of others (and captured in pictures, webcams, etc ;) ).
I can tell you that you're hot, but I can't try to seduce you or be your lover in anything more than words. This is the only place where I can touch others without the weight of all those days gone by. It sounds dishonest but I relay the only truths I know.
Unlike you, I've spent a lifetime steeling myself for when I am alone not really considering that, inside, that is why I'm alone. You aren't alone here and you never will be unless you truly want it. I know I'm telling you things you already know; that between the lines of years gone by you're just as beautiful a person now as in the beginning. I hope you believe it too.
I'm embarrassed now, for interleaving my problems and distracting from yours. I hope your post has exchanged pursuit with pursuers. PM me sometime, I love chatting with fascinating and intelligent people. Now if only I were fascinating and intelligent...
Hi Sheela - Don't be despondent remember as we say in England you're only as old as the person you're feeling.
We are the same age you and I and I feel more free than I've ever felt in my life. I live alone but have a few friends and recently was shocked to find that a woman (nay girl) of 30 liked me.....a lot. At the same time a friend who is also bi decided he liked me.....a lot. I am actually hving more fun than I have ever had in my life so please don't despair.
I love life, I love women, I love men, I love sex and have decided that as I get it older it all gets better.
Nil desperandum XX
Hey all you need is love, and/or money,...love is abundant, well money thats another thing, but if one has it,....well love is,... what love is:)
TR:)
Trying t break into anything can be awkward:)
Not as accepting as you all let on are you!
For someone too just say ,...Hi would be nice:)
You sure bring up some interesting points. I think that turning 50 being considered old is not just a social thing, it's a professional thing as well. I've had many job interviews in the last few years and it's sure hard to see that age discrimination is illegal. I'm 50 myself and while there are certain things I can't do as well, there are things I can do better.
As far as you, Sheela. I don't know who told you are not hot any more but I beg to differ. I'm willing to be you are fantastic to be around and probably superb in bed. I'm a person that goes for brains before looks. In your case, you have both. :)
well im 40 i just love curvy women and men:three:
I am 53 with a bad back and a strong libido and the beleif theres always a way.Age is nothing but a number do not let it get to you. And as far as not being hott ....you look like a right hansome woman to me. But then red hair always did light me up, like a fire cracker )
Keeo smilin:bigrin:
So Really i see nothing wrong with you your still pretty! and to be 100% honest i have always had a thinng for people older than me ! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Drew
So i agree with this statement 100% sheela im going to be bluntly honest if the chance for me to get with you i deffinetlly wouldent pass it up!:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by grxclaus
Sheela,
as someone who is both bisexual and living with Crohn's disease I understand you on these levels. Its hard feeling sexy when one's body changes suddenly away from our previous selves. Thank you for posting your article. I worry about single-hood and loneliness in the future; being bi/sick augments these concerns. I'm 28 these days but usually feel decades older. I have found two things with Crohn's that help though- they are doing yoga (I started when I was still being fed through a tube in my arm and couldn't walk 5 steps alone) and using medical marijuana (which allowed me to do the yoga on top of weaving me off morphine, removing nausea etc). I know the laws in NY are much harsher than CA where I am, but I think the risk would still be worth it for me if I lived in NY, so think about it, do your own online research and decide for your self. May your health be great, your spirit happy, and your love life on fire.:flag3:
Sheela,
I have to share this beautiful story with you. A friend of mine, now nearly 70, lived a wild ride, a wildly successful chorus boy he worked high profile gigs in Europe and America, until a car accident stopped his career. He had a successful partnership, but his partner died. He went through a ten year slump, but he just continued to live his life, exploring his passions. He now is a successful NY actor, has a steady committed boyfriend of four years, and LOVES his life and himself completely. HOTNESS lives inside you, it's not all about the perfect bod or the right age. Put yourself out there, live your life, discover your own hotness and share it. Your lovers exists and is desperate to meet you.
Best to you.
Great article. I am a new member here and I am a 59 year old Bisexual female and my primary relationship is with a 70 year old straight man. We have a fabulous sex life. He is definitely a young 70 have known men in their 40's that couldn't hold a candle to him. Having said that I am also a widow and in the last years of my husband's life he had Erectile dysfunction but we still had a satisfying sex life. There are many ways of satisfying sexual feelings. My current partner and I are actively seeking bisexual females for threesomes but know we will be invisible to many because of our age. We prefer mature people, not looking for young hotties even if they would want us, LOL. I would say we are sufficiently motivated to just keep it out there and be proactive and evetually we will have some great connections. Lonliness is one of the crappy things for older people in our society but will not give up on having emotional intimacy with others.
If you have a "fabulous" sex life why are you looking for someone else? There is a serious contradiction right there. Bi female/Straight male couples are as rare as a sunny day in the desert.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bilicious1950
Actually it has been my understanding from my research and from my personal experience that most women are naturally bisexual. My guy and I don't want to be limited by the rigid mores of society but want to be able to fully express who we are. We feel that while we have enough for each other that a threesome with another bisexual female can be a lovely experience for all 3 participants :)
Wonderful writing filled with lifes observations. All of our lives are filled with these chapters. When one closes, another opens to a whole different direction. I really think that things go easier if we just go along to wherever the chapter takes us and not kick & scream quite so much- but, alas, Ive yet to figure out why my book turned out the way it has so far, but hell, I aint finished yet. Theres plenty of time for another twist or two.;)
Yes, most people like milk and eggs etc. Naturally, most people are "naturally" non violent how do explain murders rapists etc? You're a no-brainer "society" generic. Simple mindless "monkey see-monkey do" types, with the media obsession of "pseudo" lesbianism. You should be old enough to tell the difference. Sadly even retirement age "folks" can't see this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bilicious1950
Ladies Ladies Ladies PLEEEEEEASE listen to me. You get better with age. Don't be swayed by all the media distortions about what's attractive or not. Youth is the celebration of inexperience, freshness and perhaps some ignorance (including bedroom activities). Embrace yourself, your lines and your curves and your minds and stand tall. You get more beautiful with age, there's no substitute for mature confidence, it's in your swagger of your hips, the fullness of your breasts and the comfort of knowing you're past all the bullshit. If the media ignores you - you ignore it! And damn all the men / women in your lives who aren't making you feel as sexy as you are. No bullshit ladies, just the facts from where I'm sitting. Please consider.
Beautiful words to highlight a harsh reality. However, I have to say that youth, beauty, race and socio-economic status are attributes by which North Americans determine someone's worth as sexually desirable or something else. Move away from anglo culture to other people and places where age is attached to positive concepts like wisdom as opposed to ugliness. North America is not a nice place to get old.
My wife and I are "no longer hot" either, both having reached and passed that magical half century milestone at what seemed like 90 MPH in our relativity based view of time!
However...we feel you are selling yourself short!!! We all have maladies of varying degrees, some more difficult to deal with either physically or emotionally than others. So...there's the negative, where's the positive?
What we have that younger people don't is an appreciation for the more sensual than energetic, an ability to savor life based on experience. Intellectually we are for the most part settled and comfortable, we have learned to contemplate rather than run here and there for answers...looking within for wisdom often hard earned. Beauty is so much more than that hard body we once possessed, measured more by who rather than what we are. A deeper sense of self, less need to be accepted by others, confidence in our knowledge and a sense of humor refined over many years. These truly are the golden years!!!
Participation is what brings those we need in our lives close to us...we will find them when it is time, at our age we can come to understand that.