Do older men turn bi???

Let me throw this out there from my expierence---Having done the traditional thing of girl friends,wives(three), I find that the excitement really does get less as you get older. When you first start dating, and having sex, it is all great and exciting, then comes marriage, and you look for ways to spice it up, public places, sex toys, whatever your choice. Then you get sort of "been there done that" and she doesn't want to get "really out there" anymore. So you look for that outlet that might give you that excitement. Maybe you could have an afair, but unless she's bi, or 19, once again it's the same.
Don't belive it has so much to do with a woman's look, as it does what she will do, or not do?? If I could find a woman willing to do the bi, group, role playing thing, I could look over a lot.if she could look over my flaws...
And guys, have you looked in the mirror lately??
So finally, the one thing left to fill our urge to have that excitiment back, we turn to playing with our own??

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bi_Druid

Probably already been said but...

YOU DO GET YOUNG BI MEN TOO!
I'm only 26, and been out to myself as bi since 20, but realised I was bi since as long as I can remember really.

I would only guess it's as much a sign of the times thing - people tend to be more open about sexuality these days.

---

You are right on it, times are so much different now,

Very interesting thread.
For me, I am 58. I have been bi all of my life.....I donot understand "turning bi". It has always been in my mind. The first guy I saw naked, I had sexual feelings about...likewise with females......I was very young when all these feelings were happening......and my family constantly drilled in me, how wrong it was for men to want men sexually........and I had no understanding of why it was wrong...it felt good when I thought of sex with men or women......They had no clue I was "bi". I would have had heck to pay if they did know......
But all I can tell you is I wanted sex with men and women.
That is the way I have been since my first remeberances of sexual thoughts......and still is that way today....
I can not relate to older guys turning bi. I have never been anything else.....
I am a true bi, in that I love sex equally with male and female...I love both......
That is just me......

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 53bimale

Very interesting thread.
For me, I am 58. I have been bi all of my life.....I donot understand "turning bi". It has always been in my mind. The first guy I saw naked, I had sexual feelings about...likewise with females......I was very young when all these feelings were happening......and my family constantly drilled in me, how wrong it was for men to want men sexually........and I had no understanding of why it was wrong...it felt good when I thought of sex with men or women......They had no clue I was "bi". I would have had heck to pay if they did know......
But all I can tell you is I wanted sex with men and women.
That is the way I have been since my first remeberances of sexual thoughts......and still is that way today....
I can not relate to older guys turning bi. I have never been anything else.....
I am a true bi, in that I love sex equally with male and female...I love both......
That is just me......

---

This is my story too with the exception that I didn't know anything about the label "bi" when I was so young. I just thought you were either gay or straight. I knew I liked women so I wasn't gay. Besides back when I was very young I was told it wasn't right to be gay. In my early 40's I had the opportunity to be with a man and it felt so right. I knew then I was bisexual. It confirmed those feelings I've had since I was so young were true. I didn't "turn" bi, I've been bi all my life.

I had been bi curious while serving in the navy but was way too nervous about the whole thing. In 1972 being bi or gay while serving in the military was out of the question, immediate discharge. It wasn't until 5-6 yrs ago did I come out to my wife that I was bi curious which I would have never done if I didn't have some idea of what her reaction would be. I suppose one of the biggest reasons why so many of us 50+ yr old men are now starting to come out, is because of the internet and the availablility of finding other bi men like us in the same situation and close enough to possibly meet. I was curious for 30yrs.....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Biboz49

This is my story too with the exception that I didn't know anything about the label "bi" when I was so young. I just thought you were either gay or straight. I knew I liked women so I wasn't gay. Besides back when I was very young I was told it wasn't right to be gay. In my early 40's I had the opportunity to be with a man and it felt so right. I knew then I was bisexual. It confirmed those feelings I've had since I was so young were true. I didn't "turn" bi, I've been bi all my life.

---

Discovered my sexual attraction for men was real when I was 33, 5 yrs ago. And it was because of the opportunity of the internet to explore my sexuality that I discovered about it. And learned a great deal more than I had ever imagined!

Unfortunately, I had bought into the model of: you're either gay or you're straight. And because my attractions for women were real and my emotions intense; I presumed my attractions for men were of the mind. With the internet, I realized that I was entirely misinformed.

Perhaps, that's the reason more men today are learning more of their sexuality. Learning that there isn't a one size fits all model for men. You can like women; you can like men; you can like both! :)

I have always been bi but I didn't have much of an occasion to have any encounters.My first encounter was when I was 18 and had just joined the Navy.I was in a small bar in Washington DC and a couple of men in their late forties or early fifty offered to by me a couple of beers.Being young I had no tolerance to alcohol and in very short order I was drunk.They offered to give me a place to stay for the night and they would show me the sights the next day.To make a long story short,we went to their house had more to drink,another friend showed up,I half passed out and they wound up fucking and sucking me for the rest of the night.Needless to say my first anal experience was not pleasant after three guys took turns on me all night but the experience woke something in me.A few weeks later I searched out another relationship and continued doing this for a few years.I finally got married and I was satisfied with a relationship with my wife but when I turned fifty I started to have occasional encounters. I still enjoy a m/m relationship altho it is not as often as I would like.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

---

You can be straight and realize your bisexual side later in life. Or you can be bisexual and repress it until later in life. Or like me you can have been bisexual all your life. I have always been turned on by both sexes. As I aged I realized that I developed loving feelings with guys easier than I did earlier in life. Early in life it was more about sex with guys, but now eventhough it is still about sex with guys, it is easier to recognize that I am falling for a guy if the chemistry is there.

I hope this helps answer some of your questions.

:bibounce:

Great thread!... at 49, I can look back with considerable wisdom, experience, and wiser perspective: I first became aware of my bisexual desires and interests in my 20's, I didn't act upon them until my 30's... trial and error, I did find a growing desire to include both men and women in my sexual experiences, and I gradually felt more comfortable seeking out ways to include my bi aspect in some way, shape or form.

Now, in my 40's, I'm more confident and experienced, and I'm more willing to drop the whole story line (my own) that I had no alternative but to accept what I thought society expected of me in terms of expressing and enjoying my sexuality.... discovering that some women are indeed turned on by my bisexuality was a nice discovery... further, discovering that there are other men out there who feel (as I do) very drawn and attracted to women but also very interested in other men in terms of honest and , this was a breakthrough as well...

Now, when I view erotic images of either gender, I'm not at all shy about embracing what I enjoy: beautiful men together with beautiful women!

For me I think i've known I was bi since I was 16, but I was much more interested in girls at this time so I didn't pay to much attention to those feelings. As I got to my mid 20's, those feeling started getting more stronger, I started watching Transexual porn and finding it very arousing, then i watched a scene where 2 men had sex with each other and lost my load without even touching myself. I continued to date women til my last girlfriend left me when i was 35. At this point in my life having sex with a man was about the only thing i was thinking about. So i told myself it's now or never and had my first sexual encounter with a man. It showed me what i knew all along since i was 16, i was bi or maybe even gay. Since then i've only been with men, but i am still open to have sex with women. At 43, i'm finally comfortable in my own skin and i'm much happier now.

After my marriage of 25yrs ended I was 49 & had some bi fantasies mostly about me & another man having sex with my wife did I actively seek a bi man for sex. I did when I was 18 have a male friend same age & we would give each other oral but we keep it to ourselfes. After geting a girlfriend & then married, I had no real urge to have any type of sex with men. I love woman & still would perfer to have a long term relationship with one woman. The frist man i meet for sex was enjoyable & just about sex, I really liked doing oral on him & having him cum in my mouth was great. For the last 4 yrs I have only had sex with men, & one time with a m/f couple the guy was bi & we had a great time but finding bi couples is not that easy. I don't cruise around, I find someone & try to keep it going aslong as I can. My last friend started me into crossdressing & anal & Iam surprised how much I like it. The sex is so straight forward but Iam starting to think more about ending my male sex & find I new female partner. I think finding a woman that is ok with a bimale partner is going to be very hard to find.

This is a very helpful topic and a question I have asked myself. For me, it was a case of "that which you resist persists". I had fantasies as a teenager but only once came close to an actual encounter. I have always felt a greater attraction to women and am happily married. The attraction for me to a man is in being able to feel submissive and more female myself. It is the yin and yang of it that is so great. I waited until later in life to act on it because of shame and fear and inconvenience. When the internet made it easy to communicate anonymously, I found it easier to find interesting people. I am still confused about my identity and enjoy learning that I am not alone.

I apologize to the ladies for the misogynist attitude of the weak males. Some men are not big enough to accept responsibility for their sexual inadequacy. They feel compelled to blame their actions on women. I don't feel men "turn" bi at a certain age. By age 35 I found it much easier to consider sexual behaviors. I discovered how joyful the experience is, on EITHER side of the dick! I believe sexual fears and hangups tend to diminish with age. Eating a fresh cream pie is THE bisexual Eden!

This thread kept running through my head all afternoon as I was out wacking weeds - plants not the guy Weed

ps Weed - pls call, missing ya!

It made me wonder are we talking about 50 yr old guys today or ?

What were 50 yr north american guys doing in 1945, 1955, 1965, 1975??
Is this a cultural shift or something that has been us since the caves. when the older males (can't compete in the breeding pool) find deeper (and I am talking very deep) friendship with other males

As a 50s bi male, growing up in parochial school in the midwest (9 siblings) variant sexual behaviour was NOT an issue
since sex did not exist, there was not need for variation <g>

for my kids, (canadian public school) sexual identity is something you are given just as you have blue eyes or brown - not a choice

we learn from our children as much as we teach them anything

perhaps as noted - a more general acceptance variant sexual identity makes it easier for us - current 50 bi males to accept ourselves

For me as others have stated, my bi sexuality is a theme interwoven through life story - but definitely feels stronger now - or maybe I am just feel more able to explore it

just don't tell my kids! maybe the next incarnation.
wudi

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bibliss

Great thread!... at 49, I can look back with considerable wisdom, experience, and wiser perspective: I first became aware of my bisexual desires and interests in my 20's, I didn't act upon them until my 30's... trial and error, I did find a growing desire to include both men and women in my sexual experiences, and I gradually felt more comfortable seeking out ways to include my bi aspect in some way, shape or form.

Now, in my 40's, I'm more confident and experienced, and I'm more willing to drop the whole story line (my own) that I had no alternative but to accept what I thought society expected of me in terms of expressing and enjoying my sexuality.... discovering that some women are indeed turned on by my bisexuality was a nice discovery... further, discovering that there are other men out there who feel (as I do) very drawn and attracted to women but also very interested in other men in terms of honest and , this was a breakthrough as well...

Now, when I view erotic images of either gender, I'm not at all shy about embracing what I enjoy: beautiful men together with beautiful women!

---

I'm 45. I've wanted to have sex with men since my late teens, but I never did until I was 35. I had been married for 10 years and recently divorced. Had the time, opportunity, and no reason not to. Sex with guys was great, but in relationships, people are people, whether male or female.
I got remarried (to a woman) and we've been together since. And now I'm back looking to hook-up with a guy again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

---

all of the above. 30 yrs ago when they or we were 20, Al Gore hadn't invented the internet, we had nowhere to go. get married, deny your true orientantion. go to a glory hole to get your fix, or a public park bathroom. learn the secret foot tap. we were always bi, perverts, queers, faggots, sexual deviants! out to corrupt the children of the world. pick your label hell pick 2. now we have an anonymous outlet where we can let loose and try to search out others who share our desires. 99.999% of us are out to satisfy our urges(legally). it's that .001% that cauterize and mobilize the world against us. We are older, wiser and know we are the walking damned if we out ourselves! you punk ass kids have it so easy

I've been bi since I was about 13, and I think that it takes some people alot longer to accept who they are and act on it. But I would sure have missed out on some very good times if I had waited.

Real simple: NOPE!! we've always been this way, we mostly just don't give a shit what people think anymore...we're old enough to be who we are and what we are and you cant do a thing about it.

<Grumpy 'ol man voice; dammit wheres my remote???>:tongue::bigrin:

The more I aged, the less effect those protective walls I had built kept pricks from finding my mouth. I was hooked in seconds! I quickly fell in love with being a long lasting anal top, to the joys of more than one happy bottom! My inhibitions gradually eroded over time to the point where I finally found the balls to see if it tastes as good as it looks. I wasn't disappointed!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Something Else

Discovered my sexual attraction for men was real when I was 33, 5 yrs ago. And it was because of the opportunity of the internet to explore my sexuality that I discovered about it. And learned a great deal more than I had ever imagined!

Unfortunately, I had bought into the model of: you're either gay or you're straight. And because my attractions for women were real and my emotions intense; I presumed my attractions for men were of the mind. With the internet, I realized that I was entirely misinformed.

Perhaps, that's the reason more men today are learning more of their sexuality. Learning that there isn't a one size fits all model for men. You can like women; you can like men; you can like both! :)

---

I agree with the above and that the availability of the internet is a factor. The internet has enabled me to safely and privately explore my sexuality,

Hi,
Good discussion.
I think it's simply that men of a certain age feel more honest and relaxed about sexuality. They have fewer reasons to be overly self-conscious or analytical about their sexual needs or desires.

Most men have a sexual attraction or fetish relating to other men, they just don't often admit it or act on it until later in life.
But it is changing. With more info available on the internet more and more men are finding ways to explore their own sexuality from a younger age.

You'll certainly find more young men willing to admit they have a bisexual side or a fetish for something male now than ever before.

I think it always exists, it's just that most men are distracted, scared, confused or feel pressure to hide it between their teenage years and say about 40 or 45.
But like I say, this is changing, thankfully.

I'm 70 and have had a relatively adventurous sexual life. I had a substantial amount of pre-puberty sex-play with girls and boys. As more testosterone flowed, I definitely gravitated to females and suppressed homo-erotic feelings and sensations. As I accumulated more age, experience - and satisfaction, my thoughts more consciously turned to having another male present. Up to now this has consisted of MFM threesomes with a lot of homoerotic play. I particularly enjoy giving oral attention to my wife's lover before he enters her and upon occasion have pleasured both of them with my tongue during intercourse. A couple of times I met one of her lovers here at the house while she was gone and we sucked each other off. (She loved hearing about this!) To me, it feels like letting my natural spectrum of sexuality be realized. 'Ain't hurtin' nobody' and it keeps things interesting....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by csrakate

I am going to withhold my response because I am considering the source....but this REALLY pisses me off!

---

sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint

all the men i've met that are 50 plus go to other men because their wives don't like sex or don't want sex that often anymore.One draw back is when the testosterone is gone they run back home like nothing ever happenned

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by orallybi4cpl

sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint

---

Wot bollox

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by orallybi4cpl

sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint

---

Although I tend to agree with your general idea about bisexuals with bisexuals it isn't always true.

You're dead wrong. Kate is a jem and a jewel on this site with a great amount of understanding and compassion for bisexual men.

Sticking to the original question asked.......Do Older Men Turn Bi,Personally I really dont think there is anyone in here actually qualified to answer this although there seems to be a trend for older men to either turn bi or experiment for whatever reasons it is evident that most of the answers or opinions given here are mainly about personal experiences, which in turn always end up in a shitfight because as usual some lovely people in here just love to shove their opinions down other peoples throats.......Anyway thats how I see it.

Cheers Chook :tongue:

How can you turn bi ?
There is no such thing as turning bi. Your sexual orientation is what it is from childhood. The only difference is that "coming out" to express it has been a recent thing. In the past, anyone had to be straight even if they weren't....have straight relationships, hide all sexual desires towards your own sex etc. Older men have found that men can "come out" nowadays in society more freely as they couldn't do it all those years ago. Quite often some bisexuals get mistakenly labelled for being homosexual when they are in school, college, amongst straight friends etc and become a subject of ridicule or mockery. That in turn, makes them feel too uncomfortable to "come out" till later on in life.

Well I blame/thank the net for helping me with the same sex part of bi. Before that, I had no chance of finding a gay/bi male that I'd 'make love to'. I always was bi though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chook

Sticking to the original question asked.......Do Older Men Turn Bi,Personally I really dont think there is anyone in here actually qualified to answer this although there seems to be a trend for older men to either turn bi or experiment for whatever reasons it is evident that most of the answers or opinions given here are mainly about personal experiences, which in turn always end up in a shitfight because as usual some lovely people in here just love to shove their opinions down other peoples throats.......Anyway thats how I see it.

Cheers Chook :tongue:

---

When I was still interested in guys I never knowingly had sex with a bisexual man. In my age group and even 10 years older than me I just didnt know any. Plenty gay guys, but never men under about 30 or 35 prepared to admit to being bisexual... this isnt true now, and know a number of bisexual guys some open, some not, some younger than me.. several much younger... I suspect that changes in attitudes have helped this along.. but most that I do know are older.. much older than me, very few of whom say they knowingly suppressed their sexuality when young, but that it came upon them as they grew older... is it that men, I have begun to wonder, are tuned to their sexuality changing as they get older? Or is it just that conditioning and upbringing suppresses their nature and it is only with maturity that their natural wants and desires begin to express themselves?

I ask myself the same question a lot. I'm bi and have known since i was in my early 20's. I'm in my early 30's now and still have a very difficult time finding other bi guys who are close to my age. I've also wondered if it's widespread or just the area I live in.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by loveatl

Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another. Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends-- Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now? Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

---

I've been bi since my teens. Mentally, I first viewed it as an outlet for my excess horniness as a teen. Just a bunch of jocks jerking and eventually that evolved to sucking and fucking with one close friend. Eventually, I had the chance to play with couples and suddenly found my niche. I always like bi porn, where a woman was a "bridge" or an "enabler" for two men pleasing her while they pleased one another. Inside, I've always felt most comfortable with a MFM situation for whatever reason. A woman encouraging me, directing me, and me helping her please her man or watching them please me. Perhaps having a woman involved makes me think I'm "less gay" or at-least feel like it. As I've grown older it seems it's become more difficult to find a couple to play for various reasons: Some couples don't have the dynamic working. A husband who wants a man involved, has his wife involved, but has a problem with the outsider male having contact with his wife. Some people use it to fix issues in their relationship, whether that's erectile disfunction or a woman wanting more cock than one man can give her in a session, or boredom.

I don't necessarily "want to be with another guy" as I lust for a woman, but I do find I would not mind an ongoing relationship with the right guy. I'd love to meet a few times a month at a motel, take a hot shower, maybe massage one another, and hopefully enjoy mutual oral and/or anal if that works for both parties. "A best friend with benefits" I suppose.

My wife has less interest in sex now, and I've realized that MM sex would still be fun and give me an outlet for my needs. It seems many men like me (in their 50's) have the same situation at home, and many played when younger and have returned to it. I don't know whether they "turn bi" or just get more comfortable with being more sexually open...or go where they need-to to fulfill their needs.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NjbiGuy01

I've been bi since my teens. Mentally, I first viewed it as an outlet for my excess horniness as a teen. Just a bunch of jocks jerking and eventually that evolved to sucking and fucking with one close friend. Eventually, I had the chance to play with couples and suddenly found my niche. I always like bi porn, where a woman was a "bridge" or an "enabler" for two men pleasing her while they pleased one another. Inside, I've always felt most comfortable with a MFM situation for whatever reason. A woman encouraging me, directing me, and me helping her please her man or watching them please me. Perhaps having a woman involved makes me think I'm "less gay" or at-least feel like it. As I've grown older it seems it's become more difficult to find a couple to play for various reasons: Some couples don't have the dynamic working. A husband who wants a man involved, has his wife involved, but has a problem with the outsider male having contact with his wife. Some people use it to fix issues in their relationship, whether that's erectile disfunction or a woman wanting more cock than one man can give her in a session, or boredom.

I don't necessarily "want to be with another guy" as I lust for a woman, but I do find I would not mind an ongoing relationship with the right guy. I'd love to meet a few times a month at a motel, take a hot shower, maybe massage one another, and hopefully enjoy mutual oral and/or anal if that works for both parties. "A best friend with benefits" I suppose.

My wife has less interest in sex now, and I've realized that MM sex would still be fun and give me an outlet for my needs. It seems many men like me (in their 50's) have the same situation at home, and many played when younger and have returned to it. I don't know whether they "turn bi" or just get more comfortable with being more sexually open...or go where they need-to to fulfill their needs.

---

I share your very situation, interests, wants and desires.
A best-friend with benefits or a bi-fuck buddy whilst carrying on with straight sex and relationships.

In my opinion, for what it's worth, to answer your question. I believe it could be down to the fact that when some men reach a certain age & have done everything they can with a woman, or women & the woman has done all she can with a man, it can then become a routine, whereby he knows what is going to happen as he has experienced it so many times before, whereas to try something with another man can open up new horizons & be exciting as before it was a no, no, the forbidden fruit. He feels the need to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe it turns out that he finds it's not for him, maybe once tried he finds himself addicted to certain or all aspects & wants more.

Speaking for myself I would say that many older men "like me" have always had bi feelings, it's just that it wasn't (and still isn't" accepted as much when we were boys as it is today. Don't get me wrong it's still "too hard" to be accepted by some as people that see no gray. They see people as either Gay or Straight. Straight (as well as some Gay's) think Bi people just want the option to nail either sex. Truth be known most (at least me) Bi people wish they had the opportunity to come out as Gay, but they are afraid of having the stigma of "queer" or Gay following them through life.:2cents::male:

sixty-three here. have been bicurious since my first wife and I dated at age seventeen. she was home-coming Queen and seemed not to be enough to quench my bicuriousity. Loved her and love my second wife. Despite that I have bad strong desire to experience a male. Thought often of wife and I experiencing bisex with another like-minded??

As i aged I have felt less and less guilty about my bicuriousity. if my wife and I found a bicurious couple to play with, we would go for it with little likelihood of guilt feelings.

I'm definitely experiencing this. Perhaps boredom with the norm, or maybe coming to realize that the "norm" isn't all that normal. I'm learning that perception is what gives us a lot of our values and as a child, a lot of values were fed upon us by the media and family. I think over 40 is perhaps when your mind opens just a bit more to possibilities and not constraints.

I find it interesting that it's mostly women who think older bisexuals do it for some deeper reason other than for easy sex they no longer get at home. I turned to it for one reason only I wanted some sexual contact and I wasn't interested in having an extramarital affair as my wife suggested. I love her but I don't want to be emotionally and intimately involved with anyone else. But because she has no desire to have sex with me(menopause possibly, I think more to it, she isn't very forthright) why should I wait 10yrs to find out if she does want to have sex again with me. There are many men like myself that just need sexual release but are depressed about it because of guilt and because it's not really what they want but they will settle for it. I am very attracted to the opposite sex I do not find men attractive but will have sex with them because they are willing to. I do understand my wife's condition but at the same time she has shown no interest in doing anything to improve things or even want to touch me. I am so starved for attention from her I often cry alone and I make sure I can't be heard by her so she doesn't have to feel bad about it. I think part of why she doesn't want me anymore was because of cybersex, no one can compete against it I could never live to the level of excitement that she got from it. She denies it meant anything to her but when I emailed her lover and told him, that he was ruining my marriage and that cybering was a way for him to pretend he more of a man than he was she was very upset and our sex life went to hell after that. That was like 5 yrs ago and we have probably have had sex like 10 times. Been more than a year since and she couldnt wait for it to be over with as a result I wasn't able to complete and having ED problems and only made it worse. I think the ED problems stems directly from all of this. I wake almost every night with a raging hardon so I know it isn't physiological. So for those that actually think for most of these middle age men that it's some deep seeded thing you couldn't be more wrong and only shows your lack of understanding. Bi-sexuals are in it for the sex plain and simple, they do not want to leave their wives for men but desire greatly to be intimate with their wives. Not all are great lovers or have been the best husbands. Why is it that women always look to men as being bad husbands about anything they disapprove of. They act like their actions are always acceptable but a man's are always wrong. It's understandable there is going to be changes to a woman during menopause but the cold heart-ed way some deal with it and then act like it's the husband who has the problem is down right cruel. Not even willing to make even the slightest effort to meet even part of the way. These men are also going through changes the lost of testosterone is very depressing, start feeling all emotional feeling like your less than a man and so on. My point is simple there are women who do go through menopause and do try find ways to improve things with their husbands. So why not my wife unless there is something more. Which I think some women are looking to get out of the marriage. I read recently about women who want their husband to have an affair so they can end the marriage and then blame him. I realize there will be women in here who argue the point but you will make the rest of us wonder if your thinking the same of your husband. I mean really get off your self righteousness, stop thinking your better because your a woman. There are lazy women who can't be bother with putting any extra effort into their marriage, so when menopause hits it gets compounded. The husband is left with his feelings and no outlet for them, the wife doesn't care. So they seek attention that normally wouldn't even consider. I know I could never pursue a woman right now because I have no confidence and women are turned off by it. Not to mention what a terrible way to start a relationship with another woman as well as I'm not interested in doing that(I want my wife who only wants to be BFF). So you who judge harshly look to yourselves for condemnation as well. I don't pretend to be right about what I have done and anymore I lack the desire for even easy sex with men, even though my wife says I can cheat. I was so depressed when she said that. She leads me on with things like wait till I lose my weight things will change. She has lost quite a but of weight and I finally get a kiss on the lips. She tells me she loves me but has no desire for me. Not sure she understands love between a man and a woman anymore. If she does someday want to have sex not so sure it would be me she would want it with. That might not even bother me because that would at least be something. As of right now I feel like a very lonely person because of all of it, she doesn't want to talk about it at all, which is another reason why I think there is more to what she says. I also think that many of these middle-aged men like myself are in same boat wives only staying married because of need not because they want their husbands. So stop pretending it's something else other than a need for 'sex' with an easy source 'bi-sexuals'. They are not doing it regularly just when the need becomes so great and they are so emotionally weak. Rest assured I have not been emotionally fulfilled by any bi-sex encounter I have had. In fact it has actually been keeping from same sex encounters anymore lately. Still want to have sex but when you can't get the emotional part of it's not the same. Oh and 1 more thing I'm sorry to say to those who think your either gay or straight and there is no in between, there are more than enough examples of greyness in the world to confirm that bi-sexuals are not gay, but just want sex. I myself do not even get the slightest feeling about another man. But I have had sex with them and have lost my desire for it. It's truly foolish to think that the world and life is wholly black and white, gay or straight, conservative or liberal, and so on. In chemistry there are 3 components to an atom, electron(-), proton(+), and neutron(no charge). Something to consider the next time one of you thinks to have superior understanding through a black and white mentality.

I have chatted with so many men on different websites who are over 50, married and love their wives, have fantastic sex lives, yet suddenly find an attraction for some sort of male sex. Mostly it is just an attraction for one part of the male, the cock. Up to that point, these men say that they felt that they were totally straight and never had any attraction for another male. Perhaps it is similar to leaves on trees. Leaves always have the colors you see in the fall, however, in the spring and summer the chlorophyll hides the colors. Late in the season, in the fall, the shorter days causes the chlorophyll to decrease and the true colors come out. I think that such a metaphor describes me. Up to a few years ago, I never thought about sex with a guy. But in my early sixties now, the days are getting shorter, my colors have come out. I still love sex with my wife but now my bucket list has expanded. I think I was always bisexual in my perspective on life, but now my sexuality is catching up. BTW, I am bi-curious, but have never done anything yet with another guy. Like many guys in the same situation, I wonder if I might like cock or if i might not after trying it. Maybe the fantasy is more alluring than the actual experience.

My story: I think sex is a small percentage of a wonderful marriage, but those times when it becomes larger it becomes important and is a part of life. We have been married now for almost 40 years, my wife has always been and always will be the love of my life and I hers, she is my life. She lost the desire for sex many years ago mostly due to medical reasons, some things just can’t be fixed, she would offer for my sake, I have a high sex drive, for her sake I couldn’t, love is all caring and sex is only a small percent, for many years when those times arose I took matters in hand and life went on. What I didn’t realize for the longest time that I wasn’t the only one that felt the hurt of the situation. I finally “confessed”, I told her I was gay for the last 18 years, she accepted that our married life together had not been effected during that time, there was no reason to fear, she was in a way relieved, life is better without the tension, now mostly comfortable she even jokes about the subject at times, (while chopping big sausage for stir fry) . I never recall ever having thoughts about sex with another man until that time. I had a much older friend at work with basically a similar problem, in love, good married life but no sex, as a teenager he had an encounter with an older man that sucked his dick (9”) on a fishing trip and paid him $20.00 for the privilege. After I got full upper and lower dentures he had on more than one occasion jokingly offered me $20.00 for each time “to help pay my dental bill” if I would blow him “without the dentures”. After months of thinking about it on and off mostly during my-self relief situations I realized that it was the answer to both of our needs. It was safe, discreet and became convenient, extremely enjoyable and often. It “relieved” the problem and caused no problems. He passed away a few years ago, he is remembered as a good friend and buddy who helped in life’s journey. After a few years of trying to find another married buddy I hooked up with a guy at his home, I found that he was more a cuckold than bi, I did have sex with them but quit the arrangement because of his wife, I was happy to know that I was still able to please them both and she was a wonderful lady but not my lady. I will continue to search for balance, for a buddy, from the age of 42 and now at 60 I am a bisexual, I wish things were different with my wife but such is life at the moment. We are happy together and soon enough that will be the only thing that matters…. Thank you Drew for this website and to most of the folks here.... Gary