bi married guys -- anyone have a regular "friend with benefits"?

I love sucking cock that my wife fucks

Okay, as I've been so isolated in my little bi world for so long, I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know the vernacular. I just figured out what "friend with benefits" must mean. Where can I get a glossary for LTR and other abbreviations? I know what Fuck Buddy means...

Anyway, I had one longterm relationship years ago. I wrote about him in my book. While we were both quite naive in the skills of homosexual love-making, I found myself becoming emotionally attached to him. Then, when he saw me with my baby son, he cooled and stopped calling. That was kinda tuff for me. Since then, it's all been casual and pretty much nameless, until a few months ago, when I was out of town at a conference and picked up another married, bi guy in a hotel bar. The feelings I had that night, naked in his room, changed everything for me. I haven't had much desire for a quickie, anonymous encounter since.

Now, I think I'd like to have a recurring relationship with a clean, safe couple for fun. But, I'm open to taking a male relationship one step at a time. I certainly don't want to hurt somebody or get myself hurt due to unexpected emotional attachments.

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Originally Posted by Rick02724

There was a group on yahoo called "Closed Loop" cant seem to find it anymore. Anyone know of that group and what happened to it?

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I know the club you're talking about. It's a rather large group devoted to closed loop relationships. I think there was even a California Bay Area subgroup. Here's the link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Closed-Loop/

I agree with everyone...LTR or at least knowing the person well enough to trust him.

I have 2 "friends with benefits". Like me, they're both bi and married and none of our partners are aware. One is a top and more dominant, he likes to take my arse on a regular basis, after spanking or whipping it. The other is quite shy and definately not into the kissing, cuddling scene. He just wants me to blow him off, which i do every few weeks. He doesn't play anywhere else and I know he's clean, so i can take his load in my mouth. There's no emotional attachment to either men; it's purely an arrangement whereby we all get what we want, regularly and disctretely.

I have had several "hook ups" with different men and women but that's all they ever seem to be...just a quickie and they are gone. I would love to find a married someone close by to have a LTR with. It makes things so less complicated and yes the worries of STD's is removed. It just seems that being able to find that "special" someone is more difficult then most people think. It's hard enough to find that someone of the opposite sex, but it seems even harder to find that someone of the same sex. I haven't found that someone yet but I'll keep looking! Any volunteers?!:three:

working on it too but its so difficult finding someone that you click with.

I've tried everything but I am still looking. I never thought it would be this tough...

I would love to have a freind with benefits, but for now I have to live with an occasional stranger hook up

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

I have to say that for us married guys it's not an easy path to follow.Lots of questions have come up in my mind -- should I end my marriage over this? At what point is it too much of a burden for me to carry? Can I just leave the bi-life behind and just never have man-sex again?

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Two weeks ago, I shared these same questions. Now, after finally fessin' up, it looks as tho my marriage of over 20 years is over. I treasure my marriage and my family. Yet, because I was unable to resist the urge to have sex with men, and I could no longer lie to myself or my wife about it, I have caused immeasurable injury -- and I want to die. I haven't had a hard-on since I told my wife that I'm bi. She is grieving, I am no longer welcome in our bed, and I've pledged celibacy (easy, when you don't have an erection) as long as I remain in our beautiful house.

That being said, I have no idea what LTR stands for, but decades ago, when I was in my 20s, I did have a long-term, occasional relationship with a very powerful, rich executive. It was fun at first; then, I started to get emotionally involved. When he saw me with my toddler son, he never called again. That hurt. After that, I went "straight" for about 8 yrs, and I haven't had a regular male relationship since. Since my bi-nature returned, it's all been casual and anonymous. I would like to have a hot fuck buddy, someone I know I can trust. I've been careless and foolish in my compulsive encounters. It's time for me (regardless of the regrettable end to my marriage) to be more sensible and cautious, and maybe even experience some genuine communication and passion (rather than those blow-and-go, cum-and-zip things).

My wife and I have been married for 33 years. During that time we have been swingers, off and on. Early on I requested she give me half of what she got when performing oral on me. So when she did the same with one of her other lovers, she would turn and giveme a kiss and give me half. One day while a friend and I was taking turns with her I mentioned to her that I would like to suck the guy, so she asked him if I could. That broke the ice so to speak and she knew I was Bi.

From that point on I have had many male partners, but I always make sure she meets them and approves first, before I start a relationship with a guy. The knid of guys I like are ones that become friends and like to hang out togeather. We often go on trips where we are camping out, and that has it's benifits. Or we just hang out at our house and watch movies, or just general talk. If the mood hits, we move up stairs, or just hit the sofa. If the wife is in the mood she will join in. Sometimes she just watches, or she moves to another part of the house. She says what we each do is our own business, just don't hide it from the other. Be open about our feeling and actions.

I played bi with friends as a teen, while dating girls. I decided bi was for me. I've played w/m-f couples mostly since. While I prefer to live a conventional life, I do stay open minded to MM play or MFM encounters. I did enjoy anonymous sex with girls for years before marriage. Met my share as a musician, got laid, got paid, all good. I had two or three glory hole experiences as a teen. Mostly curiousity and eroticism kicking in...They were very hot, and remain a very hot memory I can always get aroused from. I wouldn't do it again in this world.. I never really had any male male experiences after my teen years. I sought out and found MF couples with whom I had multi-year relationships in most cases. Today, besides disease, as I got older I simply realized I actually wanted a true relationship and a close bond with my partners. I've had offers on vacation (in spas) and although tempting, I passed.

Recent frustrations with finding couples made me decide it might be time to revisit the idea of MM play. If I could find a local friend with benefits, married (with as much to protect as I do), I would now certainly consider it. Always thought playing with the right MM couple would be hot too. I've attended a few male parties at homes or hotels, but being uber-disease concerned has made me just a watcher and toucher. I would only have sex of any kind if I knew the person well enough to feel totally safe.

Maybe time to rewrite my profile.. :bigrin:

Yes, I am lucky enough to say that I have a friend who I see regularly. Maybe not enough but when we can.;)
He's become a good, trusted friend. He has all the qualities one would want, not only in a fuck buddy, but in a true friend.
The fact that I am married and share not only the details of my encounters but sometimes the encounters as well with her means that anyone involved with me needs to be respectful and beyond courteous to my wife.
Some dudes don't get that. Thankfully, my LTR knows this and fits nicely right in between us. Mmm....it's very very good.

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Originally Posted by NJbimale

Yes, I am lucky enough to say that I have a friend who I see regularly. Maybe not enough but when we can.;)
He's become a good, trusted friend. He has all the qualities one would want, not only in a fuck buddy, but in a true friend.
The fact that I am married and share not only the details of my encounters but sometimes the encounters as well with her means that anyone involved with me needs to be respectful and beyond courteous to my wife.
Some dudes don't get that. Thankfully, my LTR knows this and fits nicely right in between us. Mmm....it's very very good.

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Very, very good, indeed. I envy this brand of candor, honesty, and generosity between partners. Unfortunately, this kind of openness is not possible in my marriage. So, although I feel ready for a steady fuck-buddy, that imaginary relationship will have to wait, while I sort out what's left of my seemingly-shattered marriage.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. My Wife

Hello,

I am a new member and this is my first post.

I had a steady male friend with benefits for about 2 years. We did alot of things together. We would go for long walks and talk about each others lives and family. He had children and I don't. We went fishing together at a cabin in northeastern P.A. a few times. For about 2 years we were enjoying each other and we were workout buddies. We would get together for lunch occassionally and his wife and mine became friends as well. We would do things as couples ( non-sexual ) festivals and dinner out etc. That lasted about as I said a little over 2 years. I can see where a long term relationship would be the way to go if it weren't for one thing. I was coming out to my wife at the time and I was really finding sex with other men to be hotte and more intense than I had ever had with women. I was actually seeing my one buddy alot but still seeing other guys for one timers or repeat visists 2 or 3 times and then moving on. Now because of certain events in my life I am in a long dry spell. Longing for the touch of another man and can only look.

I think for me as long as the sex is healthy,clean,agreeable and most of all a hell of alot of fun. I think it is okay either way!!!!:male:

Thanks to everyone who responded to my original post. I started this thread as a way to satisfy my curiosity as to how many married guys might consider having a sensual, "closed" relationship with another married guy. I know there's been lots of different answers -- we all have different needs and situations.

In my case, I suppose I have a pretty good set-up. I am in a "closed loop" with two other married guys (I'll call "K" and "S"). We are all similar ages (around 40) and similar interests: working out, jogging, music, wine, movies, etc. We're able to relate on different levels. We meet occasionally for sex, but it's in secret. Our wives don't know about it.

K is good friends with S in general -- they hang out together, they go out on dates as couples with the wives. They're all friends.

I am more reserved -- I haven't met the wives. My wife hasn't met K or S. I prefer to keep things a bit more arms-length that way. In a social way, I've hung out with K & S over coffee, or gone for workouts to the gym with them.

The main reason we are drawn to each other is because we all give each other the sexual satisfaction that we crave. I know it's not morally correct. I carry a lot of guilt about it. But at the same time, I think it helps keep my sanity.

Between the 3 of us, we all value our marriages and our families -- the sex is only that -- just sex. We all have different issues with our wives with regards to sex, but none of us have found an answer. So this is the arrangement we've come up with. I know it's bad. But I've made the choice to live with it.

At the same time, it's been "liberating". I have finally been able to express myself as a healthy, fun, sensual bisexual man. My experiences with K & S have been incredibly sensual and hot.

No, but I would love to have one.

I would love to have a ltr with another married guy, that each of us could please each other with our cock desires. It would be a fantasy cum true.

Had a fantastic relationship with a friend for a couple of years. Almost a story book type relationship. We had some really great times together. Everything about us just clicked. Everything was great up till a few months ago when his company down sized and he had to make a choice to either transfer to another location or get laid off. Being a family man himself, laid off wasn't the answer. So he took the transfer which I can't blame him...Sure have missed him and our great times we had....
Now just wondering if anything like we had will happen again...

Hello. Yes, I now have a special friend with benefits. In fact, I refer to him in private as "my boyfriend".

Search my previous posts for background. We started seeing in other in April of this year.

I will tell you it took me YEARS to find Kyle. Lots of A4A ads, Craigslist, here, etc. And, I answered lots of other ads. Only two others turned into actual meetings, and both of those did not work out.

Kyle is different, and we've really hit it off. We have become lovers AND friends. And, there's no pressure...we meet when we meet, if we can meet. So far, our time together has been lunch time hotel meets, but we're going to plan on arranging a trip this fall.

Take your time. Finding the right person is critical. Someone you can trust, someone you can care for, someone you can let go with....

Good luck!

Pretty much agree with the majority of the other posts. Ideally would like to find someone regular, to meet up with on occasion when the urges come up. Being attached, I don't like to take chances. It would be also nice to just have a friend, who I happen to fool around with and talk about things to. Someone who's also attached/married is great since the discretion is on the same level. Chemistry goes a long way (and helps), so random hookups even if they're safe are not as nice as someone you already have a rapport with sexually. Also, I'd feel more inclined to do things with someone I trust as a regular hookup, as opposed to someone random......because you never know what they carry, and it's best not to take chances like that these days - especially when you're already involved with someone else.

Have a "friend with benefits" that i've seen off an on for 20 years. See him a few times a year anymore. Works for both of us.

I wish

I have had one of those for almost a year now, and it is very nice! The randoms can be fun too..but it's not the same.

Oh wow, this thread makes me feel sad for the unsuspecting wives at home that get cheated on. Surely they don't deserve such treatment.

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

Hi everyone, I'm just asking this question to see if bi attached / married guys prefer to have a long-term 1-on-1 with another guy, or if they like to just meet up randomly.

Myself, I have a "special friend", another married guy that I meet up with regularly. It has been about 3 years now. It's been very hot and erotic. Also, there's the knowledge that because it's just the 2 of us, there's less potential for risks.

Any thoughts?

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I also have a 'special' friend. I've been with him coming up 7 years. We are in such a strong relationship. He is the top in the relationship and I am the bottom. It worked out really well. Even though we have the most amazing sex, our sex is 2D. We like to make it 3D or 4D, to escalate it to an even higher level, with the addition of a 3rd or even 4th. I have never had better sex. It's been an amazing journey.

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Originally Posted by The Bisexual Virgin

Oh wow, this thread makes me feel sad for the unsuspecting wives at home that get cheated on. Surely they don't deserve such treatment.

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Women after child birth or menupause sometimes are no longer interested in sex or do not have a strong desire for sex. I don't know but that's what I was told. Men often like sex just for recreation with no intention to fall in love. That's why men are from Mars and women from Venus. We are made differently. Men cheating on their wives not for other women. They need male bonding which a woman cannot give them. As for my relationship with my 'special friend', he is not interested to fool around behind his wife with another woman. He didn't need another woman. He is interested in sex with men. It's different. The same sex knows what the same sex needs. He is having sex with men for what a woman could not provide him. It's a diversion.

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Originally Posted by Alloiledup

Women after child birth or menupause sometimes are no longer interested in sex or do not have a strong desire for sex. I don't know but that's what I was told. Men often like sex just for recreation with no intention to fall in love. That's why men are from Mars and women from Venus. We are made differently. Men cheating on their wives not for other women. They need male bonding which a woman cannot give them. As for my relationship with my 'special friend', he is not interested to fool around behind his wife with another woman. He didn't need another woman. He is interested in sex with men. It's different. The same sex knows what the same sex needs. He is having sex with men for what a woman could not provide him. It's a diversion.

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What you just said did not help matters.It only further proved my opinions, and judgements.I pretty sure you are happy in your relationship,because you are with another man.So of course you two would have the perfect sex lives, and perfect relationship. And just because a woman was born without a dick does not mean that she deserves to get cheated by her heartless husband. It's not right.And do your friends wife a favor and tell her to divorce her husband, if she does not know that her husband is GAY.Please make it known that her husband is GAY soon please.And if women are so fucking terrible at sex, then these men should not pursue a relationship with a woman.

And again like I said earlier.These women do not deserve to be cheated on,just for the mere fact she's a woman.Cheating is bad,but somehow in my opinion(Yes I am going to say it,and people can get mad at me all they want to, and I won't take it back) it's waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, ten times, worse for a woman to be cheated on by her husband with another man.And I know with you being a gay man you could care less about a woman, but it hurts just in case you did not know.

BV
I do not know what these women deserves and nor do you.

Cheating is bad. That is not the topic of this thread.

I've read several posts and none referred to cheating. You do not know what arrangements have been agreed to.

You are off topic.

You do not seem to like men very much. The question is to bi married guys. You are not a guy. You are not married. This thread is not for you. Show some respect for bi men that you know nothing about.

Tenni. I am reading the thread correctly. Granted some did not say no such thing but I am talking the others. And what makes you think I dislike men? I have a very strong male influence in my life,so you thinking that I hate men is absurd.

And if you would have notice I was not speaking for the bi men, I would never do that. I was speaking for the women.

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Originally Posted by The Bisexual Virgin

And if you would have notice I was not speaking for the bi men, I would never do that. I was speaking for the women.

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Are you not posting for yourself? You do not represent women.

This thread is about bi married men and their regular friends with benefits. It is not cheating or women. Start your own thread on those topics.

Your postings continue to follow a troll like practice attempting to take threads off topic. Your posts indicate a distrust of men and a dislike of bimen imo.

Your posting behaviour on this thread is equivalent to a man going posting on the women and porn thread posting some off topic comment when the thread is intended for women and not men.

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Originally Posted by Alloiledup

Women after child birth or menupause sometimes are no longer interested in sex or do not have a strong desire for sex. I don't know but that's what I was told. Men often like sex just for recreation with no intention to fall in love. That's why men are from Mars and women from Venus. We are made differently. Men cheating on their wives not for other women. They need male bonding which a woman cannot give them. As for my relationship with my 'special friend', he is not interested to fool around behind his wife with another woman. He didn't need another woman. He is interested in sex with men. It's different. The same sex knows what the same sex needs. He is having sex with men for what a woman could not provide him. It's a diversion.

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Ok, I have to say something about your post. I completely understand your need to be with other men. So that isn't the issue. There are many posts detailing how women freak out when they find out that their men are involved with other men....how the women have all of these unfounded fears about their husbands leaving them, contracting a disease, having their lives hijacked by a man that never truly loved them, wondering if they are lacking in some way, etc etc.

Many bisexual men are open and upfront about their sexuality and needs before they get serious with a woman or when they discover their feelings toward men after they have established a relationship with her. They love her and want her to know who they truly are and more times than not ,want her to participate in that part of their lives. Guys with your approach make it harder for honest men who want to have a woman in their lives. I've read so many posts on here about men who are open and honest from the beginning or as soon as they discover who they truly are and they catch major hell. Why? Because there are women out their with husbands or lovers that have treated them in the manner that you have described. Trust me when I tell you, most women don't want choice taken away from them...especially when it comes to who they share their lives with. With choice comes freedom. A guy's fear of rejection, potential change of family dynamic, etc.. doesn't trump honesty. I truly believe honesty leads to freedom for all involved. It is an absolute right for us all to decide what life we lead and with whom we take that journey with. How insulting and board line misogynistic. You have listed some lame excuses in order to get away with living a lie and being a cheater. There is absolutely no excuse for women to be marginalized and relegated to little more than a sexless, emotionally compromised heap that has little concern for her man's sexual needs. Most women don't fall into those categories and for the small percentage that do.... they still deserve the truth. If we are to be in relationships, we deserve respect and we have to give it.

So a bi guy has a right to complain about women with unfounded negative ideas about bi men when he is honest about who he is, but if someone with your point of view thinks to voice your opinion on it, I do suggest you keep it to yourself.

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Originally Posted by tenni

Are you not posting for yourself? You do not represent women.

This thread is about bi married men and their regular friends with benefits. It is not cheating or women. Start your own thread on those topics.

Your postings continue to follow a troll like practice attempting to take threads off topic. Your posts indicate a distrust of men and a dislike of bimen imo.

Your posting behaviour on this thread is equivalent to a man going posting on the women and porn thread posting some off topic comment when the thread is intended for women and not men.

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UMMMMMM Tenni re-read what you just wrote.Some of these men have fwb, on the side without their wives knowing,so therefore some of thse guys are having with another man.And believe me I am no troll. And, yes I have a distrust of men, and especially bi men,shouldn't every self-respecting woman feel the the same?

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Originally Posted by Vuillardgr

Ok, I have to say something about your post. I completely understand your need to be with other men. So that isn't the issue. There are many posts detailing how women freak out when they find out that their men are involved with other men....how the women have all of these unfounded fears about their husbands leaving them, contracting a disease, having their lives hijacked by a man that never truly loved them, wondering if they are lacking in some way, etc etc.

Many bisexual men are open and upfront about their sexuality and needs before they get serious with a woman or when they discover their feelings toward men after they have established a relationship with her. They love her and want her to know who they truly are and more times than not ,want her to participate in that part of their lives. Guys with your approach make it harder for honest men who want to have a woman in their lives. I've read so many posts on here about men who are open and honest from the beginning or as soon as they discover who they truly are and they catch major hell. Why? Because there are women out their with husbands or lovers that have treated them in the manner that you have described. Trust me when I tell you, most women don't want choice taken away from them...especially when it comes to who they share their lives with. With choice comes freedom. A guy's fear of rejection, potential change of family dynamic, etc.. doesn't trump honesty. I truly believe honesty leads to freedom for all involved. It is an absolute right for us all to decide what life we lead and with whom we take that journey with. How insulting and board line misogynistic. You have listed some lame excuses in order to get away with living a lie and being a cheater. There is absolutely no excuse for women to be marginalized and relegated to little more than a sexless, emotionally compromised heap that has little concern for her man's sexual needs. Most women don't fall into those categories and for the small percentage that do.... they still deserve the truth. If we are to be in relationships, we deserve respect and we have to give it.

So a bi guy has a right to complain about women with unfounded negative ideas about bi men when he is honest about who he is, but if someone with your point of view thinks to voice your opinion on it, I do suggest you keep it to yourself.

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I thought I was the only one who had a problem with his post. I agree with you 110% that he can represent what women think of bisexual men.

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Originally Posted by Vuillardgr

So a bi guy has a right to complain about women with unfounded negative ideas about bi men when he is honest about who he is, but if someone with your point of view thinks to voice your opinion on it, I do suggest you keep it to yourself.

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Wait a mo! Your here to learn about bi males for your friend, but if they don't say what you want to hear, you tell them to shut up?
Alloiledup posted a pretty accurate account of why SOME bi males who cheat, don't even consider it to be cheating. It's not exscusing or denying anything! It's just how SOME think. Sex IS recreational, and even though trust isn't as trivial, to many there's just nothing to declare that their partner would understand.

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Originally Posted by Gearbox

Wait a mo! Your here to learn about bi males for your friend, but if they don't say what you want to hear, you tell them to shut up?
Alloiledup posted a pretty accurate account of why SOME bi males who cheat, don't even consider it to be cheating. It's not exscusing or denying anything! It's just how SOME think. Sex IS recreational, and even though trust isn't as trivial, to many there's just nothing to declare that their partner would understand.

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I agree with you Gear. Alloiledup has reported about the section of men who turn to men due to their female partner refusing to have sex. I've met middle aged men who are in sexless marriages where they have not had sex with their female partner for seven to ten years. Sexually, the marriage is dead but the relationship is otherwise working for both of them. Their relationship works for them as long as the woman doesn't have to have sex or talk about the lack of sex in their twenty to thirty year relationship.

Again though, this thread is not about why. If it was about why, the why is why do men feel that they need a friend with benefits? The OP makes no reference to his status. He makes reference that he believes that having a friend with benefits is safer and that he had a friend with benefit relationship for three years. I agree with him.

Judging females and males need not apply. There is enough judgment about bisexuals from heteros, asexuals and gays away from a bisexual site.

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Originally Posted by tenni

What do these women think? Do they believe that their men are just like them and the men have no interest in sex anymore for seven or more years?
Some men turn to other men for physical sexual release rather than another woman. Right or wrong, they consider that a better solution not to involve another woman. Vuil needs to put that in her thinking cap. If she is here to learn and not be a troll just accept what you are told. There is no need for judgement. She is correct that it would be best if both partners were honest with each other. Their relationship works for them as long as the woman doesn't have to have sex or talk about the lack of sex in their twenty to thirty year relationship.

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I know being a man is your chief interest tenni.. but it isn't all a one way street.. there are as many women, highly sexed and eager for their shag, whose man has as much interest in having sex with her than he has with the family dog. (ok I know there are some who dont mind it with the family dog.. but u know what I mean)..

...u make it sound that women become crusty dried up old bags at a certain age which for many just isn't the case.. for most I would argue.. what people do is for them to decide, and women are no less randy than men in general at any age and at times in their lives often a bloody sight more so.. I have no idea how I would react if my sex life dried up but I am sure as hell positive I would be less than happy and a promise I am determined to keep would be under even more stress than it is now... I need more than my own fingers to keep me happy.. and even Rog and Sybina and their chums could not entirely comfort me.. and Kate is a pretty highly sexed girl too.. she may prefer monogamy but I know only too well her principles would be under severe strain if I went off my frequent and regular bowls of oats.. .so I understand what you are saying and sympathise with any man who isn't getting it at home as I do any woman no matter the gender of her partner...

I know the title of the thread is about men but sometimes on this site we are too male oriented and so much applies to both genders... this subject is one.

That is all fine for you darkeyes. It has nothing to do with the ideas behind this post.

Clearly not all women become dried up hags in their older years. Some do. It is their male partner that is seeking a friend with benefits situation.

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Originally Posted by tenni

That is all fine for you darkeyes. It has nothing to do with the ideas behind this post.

Clearly not all women become dried up hags in their older years. Some do. It is their male partner that is seeking a friend with benefits situation.

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ahh but it does tenni babes.. u r just too blind 2 c it...;)

As I have posted before, this is not a safe site for bisexual men to discuss their sexuality and needs. Women seem to believe that they may interject on any thread and make judgments and insults. I'm not too blind babes. It is different perspectives. Your comments have nothing to do with a man's desire for a friend with benefits. They might have something to do with a woman's lack of desire to have a friend with benefits with another woman or desire to have a friend with benefits period.