married ppl?

We have been married for 36 years. I told my wife 3 years after we were married and at first she had some real concerns. Once we had our first threesome, she found that she loved being with bisexual men. About a year later she was with a woman and loved it. We have had a wonderful marriage of intense love for each other and a true enjoyment of sharing our bisexuality.

Over the years we have tried to help others explore their desires. Unfortuntely, some husbands got really upset when they saw their wife for the first time going nuts over another woman. Seems like a lot a guys want to see this until reality sets in.

We met a couple where the wife was a little curious and the husband was pushing her to try. He warned us ahead of time that his wife only has one orgasm & she is finished. :rolleyes: Well the night we met, when his wife was on her 6th or 7th orgasm, he got mad and said it was time to leave. She went to the bathroom to clean up & my wife went in to comfort her. A few minutes later we hear moans, so her husband charged in & caught the two of them french-kissing and fingering each other. We never heard from them again. :(

MY husband loves the fact that I am bi. We have a good time with it. He is not bi but I am and I also love to watch him with another woman to me that is a very exciting event. Some people think that is very strange, I think that it is normal for us. I think each couple has what they consider normal for their relationship considering everyone's opinion of things is different. My sister on one hand is completely straight and doesn't like to share her man and I am completely the opposite.. Traci

I would like to speak on behalf of the spouses that didn't seem to accept their partner's bisexuality upon the discovery of it. I once was one of those. My husband told me that he was bisexual the night that he proposed to me. He told me that although he had those feelings, and had experienced sex with men, he loved me and would be faithful to me regardless of those feelings. I was ok with that...I thought. For years I worried that I was never going to be able to satisfy him. If I found out he had visited a bi site or read a bi magazine, I found it a threat and worried even more. As the years went on, the more I expressed my concerns, the more ashamed he felt about being truthful and he began to wish he had never told me about that part of his life. But he also knew that he couldn't marry me in good conscience if he kept that part of his life a secret. We began to incorporate same sex fantasies in our sex play....and as time wore on, I became very aware that I too was bisexual. What a wonderful release that was for me! And the interesting thing is, that although I have never been with a woman, and probably never will be with a woman, it is no threat to him as my husband, friend and lover that I will never satisfy that need. The reason why is simple. We are honest about our feelings....we are faithful to one another and don't necessarily find a need to seek sex outside of our marriage....but we DO use it in our sexual play and the more open we are about it, the more I realize how silly it was for me to be afraid of his sexual preferences. Being bisexual doesn't necessarily mean that you will be unfaithful or promiscuous...but it is certainly a wonderful "special secret" to share between two loving and caring people. Maybe one day we will expand our fantasies to include some realities...but only when the two of us are both ready.

What I am trying to stress is that if your bisexuality will force you to seek sex outside of your marriage, try to understand that the threat to your partner isn't so much your preference, but your desire to have sex with someone other than your spouse or partner. And if you can't contain that desire, please don't mislead them to believe that you have it under control. It isn't fair to your partner, nor is it fair to you.

But that's just my opinion.....

Kate ;)

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Originally Posted by spamer-man

well it just seems to me that many of the ppl on this sight are married, so i was just wondering for those of you who are what does your parner think of you being bi? are they bi as well, do they enjoy to watch or join in? well i was talking to my friend on the phone she is ingadged to get married but is still interested in me and is still trying to talk her fiance into leting her have sex with me (i evan preposed a 3sum we'll see how that works out). anyway when i told her i was bi she was realy exited and a little turned on which is just one reason why i love her soo much. and i was just curious how other ppls partners feel about them being bi?

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i am bi and my husband not, he enjoys the fact that i am bi. me being bi has made our marriage even more spicy. he love to watch as well as join in. i never thought something like this could ever happen. being bi is great u get the best of both worlds!!

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Originally Posted by 24play

It's very sad that in a married or even relationship, the bisexual girls are always welcomed but the bisexual guys are frowned upon and mostly not understood or allowed to act out their fantasies and desires.

Guess it's more a general society acceptance thing more than anything else. I'm married, bi and my hubby is straight. But, he has no problem with other married couples where the reverse is true or both are bi.
Most men though - even in the swinging scene where all are considered openminded, the straight men are very wary and even scared of the bi men.

it's stupid!! :wiggle2:

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i totally agree with you. I wonder why straight men are afraid of bi men. well iam bi and my hubby is straight like yours is. isn't it so much fun being bi

my wife and i have been married for almost 12 years now, and she has known all along that i was bi (i told her when we were dating) and this has never been an issuse with us, we dont "play" together, but we both are allowed to play outside of the bounds of marriage with the one rule, be upfront and no sneaking around, and after all these years it has worked out nicely, and there is no jealousy between us
but i do realise that this situation is not for everyone, and i am hesitant to reccomend it, as it may not be the right situation for that person
but thanks for my :2cents: m_in_heels&hose


PS. just to let you all know (who are wondering) my wife is straight, but she is very accepting & understanding

Wow! Interesting thread.
My wife and I have been together for 20 years.She knows all about me, my fantasies and the things I have done. She is very accepting of it and actually gets very aroused at the thought/sight of me and another man, something we have shared already and will again. What really blew my mind is when she became close freinds with one of my freinds (she refers to him as my boyfriend, a term I accept and use myself).
As for my bisexuality having and adverse effect on our sex life, NO WAY! Our relationship seems to keep improving and sex between us is hotter than ever. We share everything, including our sex toys! ;)

I am greatly encouraged by the stories of couples who have successfully dealt with these issues as slaphappypud and his wife have and others. However, these adventuresome (and I believe healthy) couples are in a very small minority. I would guess that for every success story like slaphappypud's there are thousands of stories of unhappy outcomes.

All I can say is, CONGRATUALTIONS! to slaphappypud and others. You are an inspiration to us all.

Mike

When I see responses like Mike's I am somewhat dismayed that we all feel the necessity to act on our feelings as being the only way to survive a marriage with a bisexual partner or to feel that in order to achieve happiness within the couple, it is necessary to actually have relations outside of the marriage. I accept my spouse's bisexuality as being a real part of him but to feel that he must have sex with a man as the only way for our marriage to be a success is no more acceptable to me than for him to have sex with another woman. What is wrong with monogamy? And can't we just be open and honest without having to seal the deal with sex?

I agree that I may appear naive, but just being open about our feelings works as well if not better for our marriage than seeking an actual sexual encounter. Am I the only one who feels this way. I am not asking for judgements....just curious as to whether or not I am the only one. I really need to know. Any like-minded couples out there or am I completely offbase?

Kate

Dear csrakate:

Sorry, I did not mean to imply that I think relations outside of a committed marriage are acceptable. For me, they are not. I have been married and in a relationship with a wonderful woman for 14 years. I have never acted out my bisexual interests outside our marriage.

We love each other very much and I would never jepordize the wonderful relationship we have by being unfaithful or even by going outside the relationship with her acceptance. Knowing myself, when I have a sexual relationship with someone, I become emotionally involved as well. I only want that with my wife. I strongly believe in monogmany and practice it. But I am also bisexual and this website and these forums gives me the opportunity to explore my thoughts on the matter as well as to be helpful and supportive of others.

Other people on these forums seem to be able to compartmentalize and function out of lust without damaging their marriages or primary relationships. I could never do that, but I am not so arrogrant to think that my way is the only way to live. I believe that humans are evolving and changing all the time. But as long as people are honest and respectful of themselves and others, perhaps they can make it work. I do not judge. I have opinions, but I don't see these forums as a soapbox to judge other people.

I hope that's clear. And csrakate, I do feel the sam as you.

Mike

Hey Mike,
Nor did I intend to look like I stood in judgement or on a soap box for that matter. I guess I got a bit worried when I began to feel as though maybe "I" was being unrealistic in my expectations of having a monogamous marriage. Although I have been married for 25 years, our relationship continues to evolve, as does everyone else's with certain changes in the household...children growing older and moving away, etc...and I don't want to wake up one day and discover that perhaps I was too much of a "pollyanna" in my thinking. I admire those that can have relationships without affecting the marriage and I only wish the best for them. I just know that I always have and always will equate sex with love and for me to do otherwise would just amount to me "using" someone as an outlet.

I guess what I am trying to say is that perhaps I was also looking for a little affirmation that my way of thinking wasn't far fetched and that I wasn't fooling myself. I am thankful for this forum for opening my eyes to the varied ways we have of dealing with bisexuality and marriage. And it is never too late to teach an "old dog new tricks"...but this old dog may be too set in her ways! LOL!

Thanks for your post and I wish you and everyone continued happiness!

Kate

I think opening up a relationship, whether married or not, is, like Mike says elsewhere, a Pandora's box. Except that the stereotype of that is a detriment to the external situation. There will be times that it was the best thing you could have done.

You just have to be honest with your partners. And, you have to agree on the rules of your relationship, then ABIDE by those rules. Now, if one partner wants to change the rules, then a big honest discussion will be needed. You will work it out if you're both adult, clear thinking people.

For all those who believe in monogomy, and practice it, my best to you. But sometimes you don't know what you're missing until you try it.

I decided to jump in on this thread because this was very close to a topic we discussed at the club this past weekend. My hubby is Bi-curious, and I am str8. I have had a few bi experiences but really more for him than anything. I don't mind kissing and touching another woman, infact that is quite enjoyable, but really I stop there. My hubby and I have been married for over 15 years, and really he's hinted for a long time that he was cusrious but never really came out and admitted it until recently. We are swingers, so to me I guess it seems almost like a natural progression.

While we were at the club this weekend, someone had brought up bi-males, now we all know at the club we go to there are a few of them. In fact we are close friends with one of them. In an open forum though it really is kept quiet, even our bimale friend pretty much denys his bi side in front of others.
So as a bunch of us were sitting there I posed the question: Why if we are supposed to be some of the most open-minded people around are we still afraid of talking about guys being bi? It is quite acceptable for women but not the men, in fact as a woman in the swinging community I am looked at strange when I tell someone I am str8. Of course no one had an answer for me, in fact my husband remarked to me later, great now they'll know I'm bi. Like it was such a terrible thing.

I do notice though at the club the women are much more accepting of men being bi then the men are. Why is that? I want my hubby to feel comfortable with his fantasies and possible reality, why should he be ashamed of who he is?

I guess for now there is no answer, but it does seem to be a common problem. This really has been an interesting topic.

Trish

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Originally Posted by MMF_interested

I decided to jump in on this thread because this was very close to a topic we discussed at the club this past weekend. My hubby is Bi-curious, and I am str8. I have had a few bi experiences but really more for him than anything. I don't mind kissing and touching another woman, infact that is quite enjoyable, but really I stop there. My hubby and I have been married for over 15 years, and really he's hinted for a long time that he was cusrious but never really came out and admitted it until recently. We are swingers, so to me I guess it seems almost like a natural progression.

While we were at the club this weekend, someone had brought up bi-males, now we all know at the club we go to there are a few of them. In fact we are close friends with one of them. In an open forum though it really is kept quiet, even our bimale friend pretty much denys his bi side in front of others.
So as a bunch of us were sitting there I posed the question: Why if we are supposed to be some of the most open-minded people around are we still afraid of talking about guys being bi? It is quite acceptable for women but not the men, in fact as a woman in the swinging community I am looked at strange when I tell someone I am str8. Of course no one had an answer for me, in fact my husband remarked to me later, great now they'll know I'm bi. Like it was such a terrible thing.

I do notice though at the club the women are much more accepting of men being bi then the men are. Why is that? I want my hubby to feel comfortable with his fantasies and possible reality, why should he be ashamed of who he is?

I guess for now there is no answer, but it does seem to be a common problem. This really has been an interesting topic.

Trish

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Great question!

I wonder if this could have it's origins in the old stereotypes of gay men. When I was growing up (60's, 70's and into the 80's), gay men were always thought of as limp wristed, extremely effeminate people with exaggerated affect. Normal looking guys who were gay seemed to be non-existent in the "normal, heterosexual's" view of being gay. That stereotype made it hard to deal with these people because you didn't know exactly how to relate to them. I seem to recall, in my limited social circle, that this stereotype was also associated with extreme promiscuity. Those two characteristics combined, made them easy scapegoats for riddicule and prejudice. Men who were ordinary in their behaviors but who were also gay, may have tended to distance themselves from their more public brothers because of this. (Now this is pure speculation on my part - so challenge me all you want).

I went to a gay bath in the midwest while in college in the late 60's. The men I saw there and had some fun with, were all ordinary people - no one that fit into the stereotype that I described above. Then, they seemed to exist below the public's radar - perhaps because the mainstream did not want to recognize that a normal looking man could practice "deviant" sexual practives, such as homosexual sex.

On the other hand, the stereotype of gay women may not have been seen as so difficult - certainly promiscuity was not strongly connected with lesbian women, and I was never conscious of having difficulty knowing how to relate to them - perhaps because I never knew a lesbian. They seemed to be much less public.

Further, women in our modern day culture have been put on a pedestal as creatures of beauty, grace and charm - due in large part because of Madison Avenue. It's a lot of pressure on girls on the one hand, but on the other, perhaps it is easier for a homophobic public to think of two beautiful, graceful, females engaging in loving activities vs. two muscular or androgenous men fucking.

I don't know - anyone care to comment or shoot down my hypothesis?

Mike

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Originally Posted by mike9753

Great question!

I wonder if this could have it's origins in the old stereotypes of gay men. When I was growing up (60's, 70's and into the 80's), gay men were always thought of as limp wristed, extremely effeminate people with exaggerated affect. Normal looking guys who were gay seemed to be non-existent in the "normal, heterosexual's" view of being gay. That stereotype made it hard to deal with these people because you didn't know exactly how to relate to them. I seem to recall, in my limited social circle, that this stereotype was also associated with extreme promiscuity. Those two characteristics combined, made them easy scapegoats for riddicule and prejudice. Men who were ordinary in their behaviors but who were also gay, may have tended to distance themselves from their more public brothers because of this. (Now this is pure speculation on my part - so challenge me all you want).

"snipped"
I don't know - anyone care to comment or shoot down my hypothesis?


Mike

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Hi Mike,

I should have mentioned this in my post. It seems the general consensus among the men in our conversation was that a bi or gay male is somehow less masculine than a str8 male. Now my hubby is no less masculine than anyone, neither is the other gentlemen I mentioned we were friends with. They are not what some people percieve as the sterotypical gay/bi male. I am surprised to find out though with the internet being the place that it is, and the fact everyone can find other people just like they are and know they are not alone, that even today this type of stero type exsists, and men who are bi are still having a hard time admitting it. IMHO I think the gay men have done a better job of accepting who they are than the bi men. I also think society as a whole understands them better. Maybe those aren't exactly the right words, but I hope everyone understands where I am getting at.

Women who are bi are usually held in high regard, after all for most men this is the best of both worlds. I have even heard it said around the club watching 2 women together is a beautiful thing, yet to hear them speak of 2 men it's always something joked about or deemed gross in some way.

Again IMHO and as I told my hubby those that are protesting and making the biggest jokes of it are probably the ones who are the most curious about it. I watched him do it for years, even now in what he would consider the wrong company, he teases and jokes about male bisexuality. I don't think it is done to be malicious, I think it's more out of fear of being discovered. It is very confusing and sometimes disappointing to know he has that fear.

Sorry just had to jump back in again :)

Trish

Trish:

I would have to agree about "...he who doth protest too much" meaning that their derogatory remarks are motivated by their anxiety and fear. That makes elegant sense as fear and anxiety drives many of our less noble, knee-jerk reactions.

Mike

Bump it up!

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Originally Posted by spamer-man

well it just seems to me that many of the ppl on this sight are married, so i was just wondering for those of you who are what does your parner think of you being bi? are they bi as well, do they enjoy to watch or join in? well i was talking to my friend on the phone she is ingadged to get married but is still interested in me and is still trying to talk her fiance into leting her have sex with me (i evan preposed a 3sum we'll see how that works out). anyway when i told her i was bi she was realy exited and a little turned on which is just one reason why i love her soo much. and i was just curious how other ppls partners feel about them being bi?

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...my girlfriends not even live in ones eve knew...

even though I knew I was bi when I was a teenager, I never told my wife, when I finally came out in my early 50's (after she found out I was having sex with a guy), her disappointment was split between me having an affair and me never telling her that I was bi. she said didn't allow her to have informed consent when we agreed to marry. my guess is that she would have married me anyway.

my wife came from a very liberal family. her mother had friends who were lesbian and tolerance was always preached so she was never mad that I was bi, just that I never told her.

I've met other guys who haven't had it so well. their wives, who know about them, call them faggots and queers. not a great marriage I guess.

I suspect my husband is curious (I do think it's more than just wishful thinking on my part, with some of the things in his browser history), but I haven't been able to get him to come out to me. I just keep mentioning how okay it is when I can fit it in conversation, and in some cases, how I find it hot.

He knows I'm bi, but it's different for women.

Partnered here...28 years with an incredible woman! The incredible thing through the years is that we both identify as bisexual. So this is something we can talk about and keep our fingers openly on that particular pulse, and work together to figure out how best to address those urges and interests.

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Originally Posted by Annika L

Partnered here...28 years with an incredible woman! The incredible thing through the years is that we both identify as bisexual. So this is something we can talk about and keep our fingers openly on that particular pulse, and work together to figure out how best to address those urges and interests.

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That is wonderful!!!

I got my girlfriend at http://www.bi-sexualdating.com/. We're ready for wedding next month.
Its a good bisexual dating site. I just found my true love on there. Hope u like it!