bi married guys -- anyone have a regular "friend with benefits"?

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

Hi everyone, I'm just asking this question to see if bi attached / married guys prefer to have a long-term 1-on-1 with another guy, or if they like to just meet up randomly.

Myself, I have a "special friend", another married guy that I meet up with regularly. It has been about 3 years now. It's been very hot and erotic. Also, there's the knowledge that because it's just the 2 of us, there's less potential for risks.

Any thoughts?

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I prefer a LTR. Sex with a friend is always best :) It also does cut down on the risks that is for sure. I would like to find a married friend for a LTR.

There was a group on yahoo called "Closed Loop" cant seem to find it anymore. Anyone know of that group and what happened to it?

Wow, more people than I thought enjoy long term relationships. I do as well. Although, I have had about three quickies. Enjoyed great fucking but ... yeah they rang hollow.

I know from the male perspective most seem to want a regular close friend with the added benefits of discreet fun.

Most of the straight or bi members of B8M8 seem to be seeking close friends rather than one-off meets.

Never had a one-night stand with a guy, or sex with anyone I didn't know well and trust beforehand. I am one of those who cannot get into mindless, anonymous, sex, then fly. Mutual interests, communication, and knowledge, that will ensure I know how to please someone....and for them to please me, is more important than a quick orgasm.

I don't, as I have primarily always gravitated towards MF couples. I enjoy threesomes with a man and woman involved. Honestly, recent events (marital drama, with people I thought were the nicest partners I'd ever met in 30 years of swinging) has made me seriously rethink my position. I'm now more open to finding a male best bud, for something steady. I would even consider a MM couple the more I think about it...

In the case of couples: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it, and then realize it scares ya...

For me the ideal would be another married guy in a regular relationship with both our wives knowing and approving. Anyone have this? How did you get to that point?

Having a friend with benefits is the best sometime he's top somtime I am. We play we have fun Sometime we just hang out and enjoy each other
I adore his wife and they are going to meet my girl in a few days.
I've had one night hook ups and I really think I'm a better lover when I understand what my lover wants from just knowing what turns em on
and lets not forget STDs it can be a dangerous world out that
Be careful
Have fun:

in my dreams....that would be great......something to really look forward on a regular basis.......

Add me to the looking for LTR. There are lots of one night opportunities and with stds and the like that is not what i am looking for. I was with a married couple for over a year. Sometime she would play sometimes not. When she did it was added bonus, when not, it was great too. Unfortunately they retired and moved. My ideal situation would to have a FWB relationship that could grow and last.

LTR only, everything else is just too dangerous and too hollow. I have a great marriage and a wife that is fine with my sexuality (still disclosing, understanding, etc.) and just don't want to taint that with random hook ups.

I love sucking cock that my wife fucks

Okay, as I've been so isolated in my little bi world for so long, I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know the vernacular. I just figured out what "friend with benefits" must mean. Where can I get a glossary for LTR and other abbreviations? I know what Fuck Buddy means...

Anyway, I had one longterm relationship years ago. I wrote about him in my book. While we were both quite naive in the skills of homosexual love-making, I found myself becoming emotionally attached to him. Then, when he saw me with my baby son, he cooled and stopped calling. That was kinda tuff for me. Since then, it's all been casual and pretty much nameless, until a few months ago, when I was out of town at a conference and picked up another married, bi guy in a hotel bar. The feelings I had that night, naked in his room, changed everything for me. I haven't had much desire for a quickie, anonymous encounter since.

Now, I think I'd like to have a recurring relationship with a clean, safe couple for fun. But, I'm open to taking a male relationship one step at a time. I certainly don't want to hurt somebody or get myself hurt due to unexpected emotional attachments.

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Originally Posted by Rick02724

There was a group on yahoo called "Closed Loop" cant seem to find it anymore. Anyone know of that group and what happened to it?

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I know the club you're talking about. It's a rather large group devoted to closed loop relationships. I think there was even a California Bay Area subgroup. Here's the link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Closed-Loop/

I agree with everyone...LTR or at least knowing the person well enough to trust him.

I have 2 "friends with benefits". Like me, they're both bi and married and none of our partners are aware. One is a top and more dominant, he likes to take my arse on a regular basis, after spanking or whipping it. The other is quite shy and definately not into the kissing, cuddling scene. He just wants me to blow him off, which i do every few weeks. He doesn't play anywhere else and I know he's clean, so i can take his load in my mouth. There's no emotional attachment to either men; it's purely an arrangement whereby we all get what we want, regularly and disctretely.

I have had several "hook ups" with different men and women but that's all they ever seem to be...just a quickie and they are gone. I would love to find a married someone close by to have a LTR with. It makes things so less complicated and yes the worries of STD's is removed. It just seems that being able to find that "special" someone is more difficult then most people think. It's hard enough to find that someone of the opposite sex, but it seems even harder to find that someone of the same sex. I haven't found that someone yet but I'll keep looking! Any volunteers?!:three:

working on it too but its so difficult finding someone that you click with.

I've tried everything but I am still looking. I never thought it would be this tough...

I would love to have a freind with benefits, but for now I have to live with an occasional stranger hook up

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

I have to say that for us married guys it's not an easy path to follow.Lots of questions have come up in my mind -- should I end my marriage over this? At what point is it too much of a burden for me to carry? Can I just leave the bi-life behind and just never have man-sex again?

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Two weeks ago, I shared these same questions. Now, after finally fessin' up, it looks as tho my marriage of over 20 years is over. I treasure my marriage and my family. Yet, because I was unable to resist the urge to have sex with men, and I could no longer lie to myself or my wife about it, I have caused immeasurable injury -- and I want to die. I haven't had a hard-on since I told my wife that I'm bi. She is grieving, I am no longer welcome in our bed, and I've pledged celibacy (easy, when you don't have an erection) as long as I remain in our beautiful house.

That being said, I have no idea what LTR stands for, but decades ago, when I was in my 20s, I did have a long-term, occasional relationship with a very powerful, rich executive. It was fun at first; then, I started to get emotionally involved. When he saw me with my toddler son, he never called again. That hurt. After that, I went "straight" for about 8 yrs, and I haven't had a regular male relationship since. Since my bi-nature returned, it's all been casual and anonymous. I would like to have a hot fuck buddy, someone I know I can trust. I've been careless and foolish in my compulsive encounters. It's time for me (regardless of the regrettable end to my marriage) to be more sensible and cautious, and maybe even experience some genuine communication and passion (rather than those blow-and-go, cum-and-zip things).

My wife and I have been married for 33 years. During that time we have been swingers, off and on. Early on I requested she give me half of what she got when performing oral on me. So when she did the same with one of her other lovers, she would turn and giveme a kiss and give me half. One day while a friend and I was taking turns with her I mentioned to her that I would like to suck the guy, so she asked him if I could. That broke the ice so to speak and she knew I was Bi.

From that point on I have had many male partners, but I always make sure she meets them and approves first, before I start a relationship with a guy. The knid of guys I like are ones that become friends and like to hang out togeather. We often go on trips where we are camping out, and that has it's benifits. Or we just hang out at our house and watch movies, or just general talk. If the mood hits, we move up stairs, or just hit the sofa. If the wife is in the mood she will join in. Sometimes she just watches, or she moves to another part of the house. She says what we each do is our own business, just don't hide it from the other. Be open about our feeling and actions.

I played bi with friends as a teen, while dating girls. I decided bi was for me. I've played w/m-f couples mostly since. While I prefer to live a conventional life, I do stay open minded to MM play or MFM encounters. I did enjoy anonymous sex with girls for years before marriage. Met my share as a musician, got laid, got paid, all good. I had two or three glory hole experiences as a teen. Mostly curiousity and eroticism kicking in...They were very hot, and remain a very hot memory I can always get aroused from. I wouldn't do it again in this world.. I never really had any male male experiences after my teen years. I sought out and found MF couples with whom I had multi-year relationships in most cases. Today, besides disease, as I got older I simply realized I actually wanted a true relationship and a close bond with my partners. I've had offers on vacation (in spas) and although tempting, I passed.

Recent frustrations with finding couples made me decide it might be time to revisit the idea of MM play. If I could find a local friend with benefits, married (with as much to protect as I do), I would now certainly consider it. Always thought playing with the right MM couple would be hot too. I've attended a few male parties at homes or hotels, but being uber-disease concerned has made me just a watcher and toucher. I would only have sex of any kind if I knew the person well enough to feel totally safe.

Maybe time to rewrite my profile.. :bigrin:

Yes, I am lucky enough to say that I have a friend who I see regularly. Maybe not enough but when we can.;)
He's become a good, trusted friend. He has all the qualities one would want, not only in a fuck buddy, but in a true friend.
The fact that I am married and share not only the details of my encounters but sometimes the encounters as well with her means that anyone involved with me needs to be respectful and beyond courteous to my wife.
Some dudes don't get that. Thankfully, my LTR knows this and fits nicely right in between us. Mmm....it's very very good.

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Originally Posted by NJbimale

Yes, I am lucky enough to say that I have a friend who I see regularly. Maybe not enough but when we can.;)
He's become a good, trusted friend. He has all the qualities one would want, not only in a fuck buddy, but in a true friend.
The fact that I am married and share not only the details of my encounters but sometimes the encounters as well with her means that anyone involved with me needs to be respectful and beyond courteous to my wife.
Some dudes don't get that. Thankfully, my LTR knows this and fits nicely right in between us. Mmm....it's very very good.

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Very, very good, indeed. I envy this brand of candor, honesty, and generosity between partners. Unfortunately, this kind of openness is not possible in my marriage. So, although I feel ready for a steady fuck-buddy, that imaginary relationship will have to wait, while I sort out what's left of my seemingly-shattered marriage.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. My Wife

Hello,

I am a new member and this is my first post.

I had a steady male friend with benefits for about 2 years. We did alot of things together. We would go for long walks and talk about each others lives and family. He had children and I don't. We went fishing together at a cabin in northeastern P.A. a few times. For about 2 years we were enjoying each other and we were workout buddies. We would get together for lunch occassionally and his wife and mine became friends as well. We would do things as couples ( non-sexual ) festivals and dinner out etc. That lasted about as I said a little over 2 years. I can see where a long term relationship would be the way to go if it weren't for one thing. I was coming out to my wife at the time and I was really finding sex with other men to be hotte and more intense than I had ever had with women. I was actually seeing my one buddy alot but still seeing other guys for one timers or repeat visists 2 or 3 times and then moving on. Now because of certain events in my life I am in a long dry spell. Longing for the touch of another man and can only look.

I think for me as long as the sex is healthy,clean,agreeable and most of all a hell of alot of fun. I think it is okay either way!!!!:male:

Thanks to everyone who responded to my original post. I started this thread as a way to satisfy my curiosity as to how many married guys might consider having a sensual, "closed" relationship with another married guy. I know there's been lots of different answers -- we all have different needs and situations.

In my case, I suppose I have a pretty good set-up. I am in a "closed loop" with two other married guys (I'll call "K" and "S"). We are all similar ages (around 40) and similar interests: working out, jogging, music, wine, movies, etc. We're able to relate on different levels. We meet occasionally for sex, but it's in secret. Our wives don't know about it.

K is good friends with S in general -- they hang out together, they go out on dates as couples with the wives. They're all friends.

I am more reserved -- I haven't met the wives. My wife hasn't met K or S. I prefer to keep things a bit more arms-length that way. In a social way, I've hung out with K & S over coffee, or gone for workouts to the gym with them.

The main reason we are drawn to each other is because we all give each other the sexual satisfaction that we crave. I know it's not morally correct. I carry a lot of guilt about it. But at the same time, I think it helps keep my sanity.

Between the 3 of us, we all value our marriages and our families -- the sex is only that -- just sex. We all have different issues with our wives with regards to sex, but none of us have found an answer. So this is the arrangement we've come up with. I know it's bad. But I've made the choice to live with it.

At the same time, it's been "liberating". I have finally been able to express myself as a healthy, fun, sensual bisexual man. My experiences with K & S have been incredibly sensual and hot.

No, but I would love to have one.

I would love to have a ltr with another married guy, that each of us could please each other with our cock desires. It would be a fantasy cum true.

Had a fantastic relationship with a friend for a couple of years. Almost a story book type relationship. We had some really great times together. Everything about us just clicked. Everything was great up till a few months ago when his company down sized and he had to make a choice to either transfer to another location or get laid off. Being a family man himself, laid off wasn't the answer. So he took the transfer which I can't blame him...Sure have missed him and our great times we had....
Now just wondering if anything like we had will happen again...

Hello. Yes, I now have a special friend with benefits. In fact, I refer to him in private as "my boyfriend".

Search my previous posts for background. We started seeing in other in April of this year.

I will tell you it took me YEARS to find Kyle. Lots of A4A ads, Craigslist, here, etc. And, I answered lots of other ads. Only two others turned into actual meetings, and both of those did not work out.

Kyle is different, and we've really hit it off. We have become lovers AND friends. And, there's no pressure...we meet when we meet, if we can meet. So far, our time together has been lunch time hotel meets, but we're going to plan on arranging a trip this fall.

Take your time. Finding the right person is critical. Someone you can trust, someone you can care for, someone you can let go with....

Good luck!

Pretty much agree with the majority of the other posts. Ideally would like to find someone regular, to meet up with on occasion when the urges come up. Being attached, I don't like to take chances. It would be also nice to just have a friend, who I happen to fool around with and talk about things to. Someone who's also attached/married is great since the discretion is on the same level. Chemistry goes a long way (and helps), so random hookups even if they're safe are not as nice as someone you already have a rapport with sexually. Also, I'd feel more inclined to do things with someone I trust as a regular hookup, as opposed to someone random......because you never know what they carry, and it's best not to take chances like that these days - especially when you're already involved with someone else.