When was the FIRST time you realised you were Bi?

Not sure I ever had a "first time" in terms of realizing my bisexuality. More like little hints and milestones along a very long path. I don't know if it's possible for someone to completely understanding their sexuality in one single experience -- at least my sex life has been more like a string of experiences, un-related in some ways but inter-related in subtle ways too.

I remember experiences of "playing house" as a child. There was nothing more than innocent play, mostly with girls, but nothing felt wrong with including other boys too. We all giggled and had fun. I recall never feeling anything but curiousity when it came to human bodies. Somehow, guilt and shame entered into the picture when we all became teenagers. My sex life didn't actually blossom until my 20s. That's when and had a couple of exploratory experiences with other men (while otherwise being entirely with women). It was in a threesome experience when something I could feel as "bisexual" seemed to have definitely emerged, although I didn't self-identify as bisexual until my mid-30s.

The time I first had sex with another man was while I was in the service, stationed far from home. We were both a bit drunk. And I didn't realize it at the time but he "picked me up" and we agreed to retreat to his hotel room. The sex was exciting but the guilt was pretty overwhelming. It took me several years of feelings of lingering curiousity before I acted upon my bisexual feelings again.

Bi porno was a big help it seems. I remember feeling intensely turned on by bi images of men and women together.

There was the first time I "discovered" the bisexual section at my local adult video store. I was in my late 20s. I recall somehow overcoming my nervousness to ask the female clerk quite matter-of-factly, "do you carry bisexual videos?" Yes, she replied somewhat enthusiastically, glad perhaps someone had finally asked. She quietly escorted me through the maze of shelves toward the back of the store. (Mind you, this was the late 80's early '90s, years before the DVD revolution; all the videos were VHS and even Betamax, in those big boxes!) There, in the back corner of the store on a single shelf at the bottom of the rack was a tiny section called "Bisexual" where about 8 lonely videos stood. Well, it was as though I had died and gone to heaven. Eureka!, it was like I had struck gold. The female clerk smiled and let me go about my business.

The times that really changed my life as far as sexuality in general is concerned where the workshops I took at Harbin Hot Springs in the mid 90s. That spawned a period of growth, undertanding and development in me which helped me enormously, something I feel I'm still enjoying the benefits of today, more than ten years later! I felt much more of a sense of ease around communication (about sex or any other topic). I look upon that time as the time I became much more at ease with my sexuality in general, my bisexuality specifically. It was then that I "came out" to a few close family and friends and haven't looked back since.

When I got seduced by a boss at job I had when I was 17.

Wow MikeC glad you decided to read the forum and post. Thanks for sharing! I look forward to chatting wiwth you again.

I also had hints and indicators during my journey. The closest thing to a "Wow, that's what's going on" moment was while watching a straight adult video. The scene involved a ffm 3some, with one woman on her back, the other on top of her in a 69 position, and the male doing the top woman doggy-style. When it was time for the "money shot", the man pulled out and the woman on the bottom sucked him and took his load. I realized I wanted to be the woman on the bottom, sucking; the thought was VERY exciting and not upsetting at all. That was when I knew.

I always knew I liked guys and girls and I never had anything wrong with it, I just thought that's how everyone was. It wasn't untill year 5 when I opened a dictionary while bored. (Looking for rude words, beacuse that's what kids do with those things.) Flicked through, found the word bisexual, noticed that was me, leaned to the kid next to me and went "hey, check it out, that's me".

I got called a queer and from then on I noticed that everyone has different sexualites and some of those are "wrong" in the social popular oppinion.
Wich is nice, yeah. :rolleyes:

So in summary, I was always bi, only had a word for it from then.

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Originally Posted by Skater Boy

Dude, religion can really screw you up... what is it Karl Marx says? "Religion is merely a tool for oppressing the masses".

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Actually, Marx said something very different: "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions". In other words, Marx was talking about the appeal which religion held for people -- he wasn't retailing some cheap conspiracy theory, a fact which must disappoint some of his latter-day admirers.

....but I digress! First time I realized? Um, an intense sexual crush on a boy in my eighth-grade gym class, I was 12. At first I was terrified that I was going homosexual (which, I assumed, would mean a ruined life). But as my sexual feelings for girls, which had begun only a few months earlier, continued strong, I soon concluded I was bisexual, though I doubt I knew the word that early.

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Originally Posted by biwords

In other words, Marx was talking about the appeal which religion held for people -- he wasn't retailing some cheap conspiracy theory, a fact which must disappoint some of his latter-day admirers.

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Thanks for clarifying! I used to play chess with a German physicist (thrashed me every time!) who was also a devout Marxist. He virtually insisted that I read "Das Kapital", but I didn't get far through the book. So most of my knoweldge of Marxism comes from websites run by his "latter-day admirers". I think Marxism has some strong arguments, but I found Communism an inappropriate solution to the the troubles associated with Capitalism.

Thanks for sharing your story, btw!

I realized it when I was sitting at work one day and started looking at another co-worker in a way I hadnt looked at any other female b4. I have played around a bit since but never actually gone very far with a female. I am one who just knew I was bi from then on without having to try it out first. my hubby didnt believe me for a while but I soon proved to him by doing various things that I am bi.





Mrs. Taz

I was really young, like preschool level. Of course, I had no clue what that meant at that age. I got in big trouble with touching bad places on girls and boys. I was also obsessed with sex books and late night porn on tv then. My mind wandered a lot. It was my first sign that I was different.

I was "bi-curious" from junior high until I confirmed it 3 years ago. Wish I confirmed sooner than I did. Watching the show called Undressed in junior high and seeing the female on female stuff turned me on. I just feel like I am getting too old, and wanting experience more and more each day.

My first experences were passive. The local "queer" gave me a couple of blow jobs when I was a teen, and in the military, I would go to Los Angelis to get blown by one of the many Homosexuals as often as I went to Tijuana to get a piece of tail or bj from a hooker. I think the first realisation was when I was about 35 and met a guy in a abs..we went to his appt and I sucked my first cock...I was hooked after that. It is much more than the physical act of sucking a cock or making love to a woman, it is knowing that I am responcable for another persons pleasure.

Well, I have had a very vivid sexual imagination back to when I was about 12. The main fantasies involved me (male) with 1 or more women at any time. Sometimes, other lads would be involved in those fantasies, however, they were only in a heterosexual capacity. Later as I got older, I would start to share these fantasies with girlfriends in the hopes that perhaps they too would share those fantasies.

It was not until I was about 26-27 where I was involved with a woman for a couple of years that we would frequently share fantasies but she had no interest to pursue. That is also about the time that I/she discovered the pleasures of using a vibrating dildo-strap-on inside me. I took a while to reconcile to myself that I simply enjoyed the stimulation on my prostrate and had nothing to do with me being gay or even bi, especially since I still only found women sexually attractive. Of course this slowly led to the intense desire to see what the real thing felt like (which I have yet to this day, have had the opportunity to experience).

Jump forward another 3 or 4 years, still with the same lady, though fast approaching the end of the relationship, I had begun to watch mmf porn on line. I was not really watching it because I found other guys attractive, rather I was exploring within myself whether I could be comfortable in a bi-mmf situation with my girlfriend in the hopes that she would in turn finally be willing to explore the reverse scenario with me ffm. Of course this plan failed miserably, and in the end so did the relationship without any such explorations together. However, during the time that I did look at the bimmf porn I realized that I grew to become more and more fascinated with the possibilities of exploring mmf on my own, not because of trying to encourage a reluctant girlfriend to try it, rather because I was truly finding the combinations erotic, exciting and sexy.

It started primarily with a bi-oral fixation which I soon explored in reality with a married couple shortly after my long relationship. A short while after that, I met a woman that was to become the love of my life who was also interested in sensual bi encounters with other couples, but was also particularly turned on by the prospect of me being with another guy in every way.

Thus far, we have met with a few bi couples for short periods of time and have had some fun encounters, primarily of the sensuous and oral variety. However we have yet to find that great couple or single (m or f) where all are attracted to the others equally physically and intellectually. As such, we never did explore more intimate or penetrative encounters in our times together. Thus, I remain a virgin bisexually in many aspects, which I do hope will change someday, with my lover watching me closely with hungry lusty eyes as some great gent takes me to a new level of sexual exploration.

So, unlike many on this website it appears, I never had any momentous occassion where I suddenly realized I was attracted by both men and women. I have always been primarily and highly aroused by women. It was only through some half-baked plan to try to encourage a long-term girlfriend to explore ffm encounters in my late20s and early 30s that I ironically gradually became more and more aroused with the thought of ever more risque bisexual encounters. I still love and prefer the ladies, but I am at a point now that I would be interested in a 1 on 1 encounter with the RIGHT lad.

We are still looking. Taking our time. Waiting for the right person(people). And enjoying ourselves and each other.

Had been attracted to same gender since grade-school, but never thought much of it. Never did anything about it, either. Only came out and accepted myself as a bisexual recently. What a waste of a good 20 years... <sigh>.

Wow what a question. Need to think a minute. Well...I guess I realized I was bi early on. I was probably 12. A cousin and I were sleeping in the same bed when she touched my pussy. I knew it was "wrong" but it felt so good that I touched hers and have never been the same since. I still haven't had a real chance to act on it, but thanks to bisexual I just may get the chance!! ;)

wow, i think this might be my favorite thread *ever*. its generated such touching and diverse responses from so many different perspectives and ranges of experience. i am so humbled by how honest and vulnerable we allow ourselves and eachother to be.

for myself... i think i always knew- though repressed and felt much shame about same-sex exploration and was afraid of being a dyke. i spent way too much time trying to be accepted and fit in as a response to emotional (and often physical) abuse from my father. seeking acceptance has been challenging habit to kick and its reeked havok in other areas.

sexually, i remember being 6 and seeing gorgeous photographs of indian women with pierced navals and thinking "that is SOOOOOO sexy".

around the same time i play a game of "that thing" with a neighbor's older brother (maybe 14?) sneeking into the bathroom with the lights out. i would stand on the toilet and he would literally blow air on my hairless prepubescent mound, and i knew it was dirty and wrong and it felt good. then he would stand in from of me and i would blow air on his erect little-boy penis... sometimes putting my lips on it- and i remember thinking it tasted like the insides of my lips... lol.

around the age of 8, another neighbor girl and i used to dig through my dad's full drawer of penthouses and read forum while laying on pillows touching ourselves. this led to taking "naps" after school and we would touch and explore one another. i was hooked- until her mother caught us and shamed the hell out of us- forcing her to confront me telling me that "that was just exploration and its not right." she was not allowed to play with me for months. ultimately, she is now the only childhood friend i have and coming out as 'bi' to her about 5yrs ago was the scariest of anyone i ever told. she is totally hetero and despite her own paternal abuse, in a very healthy and happy marriage with a great little boy.

when i was 15 i was raped on vacation in hilton head island.
a year later was first time i had intercourse that i "gave" myself to a man. i was so young and repressed and it took years to figure out that i was supposed to actively enjoy and engage in sex. strangely, i would spend most of the rest of my life wishing i could really explore this man (to this day...)

my first orgasm from another person was from a butchy aggresive girl in my sr yr in hs... i was passive and curious and she bowled me over. the intensity of my sexual response scared me. fingers and kisses and wetness and boiled blood and HOLY SHIT!

hailing from a super WASP sleepy PA town, i was always a champion of misfits and underdogs. my hs was too breakfast club delineated and each of my friends in different cliques disliked one another. college/art school and being away from home led me to evolve my own identity, and it was the first time i ever had a community of friends. they were every flavor, nationality, sexual identity genderbent alternative person i could find. being in a queer centered community made me feel comfortable and safe and NORMAL. many of my freindships were amorphous and blurred lines between lovers. most were healthy and wonderful and many of those people are still my friends almost 20 (omg!) years later.

predominately my ltr's have been with men, though i think i prefer sex with women. most of my sexuality remains unexplored because i just have not found the right partner to really freely explore with. sometimes i wonder if i ever will. i am too conservative value-wise for the free-sex-hookup poly crowd (i need to know a person and be intellectually inclined to feel erotically interested in someone), and too freaky dark and genderbent fantasy-wise for the vanilla.
ooo...but now i'm totally into another topic...


thanks skater boy. ;) and NICE boybelly pic. yum.

It was just a few years ago. I was wandering through the "Amateur Pictures" section of another forum, and came across a thread documenting another guy's first bi experience. I started reading that thread, and it wasn't long before things started making sense.

Before that I never even really understood that being bi was an option. It sounds stupid, but I only knew of people being straight or gay.

Thinking back, there were lots of little things that perhaps should've told me that I was bi, had I been looking for them. Like enjoying the copies of of "Playgirl" a college friends roommate had, while also enjoying "Playboy".

And I knew for sure I was bi the first time I help another man's penis in my hands!

My first time, like many others, occurred in college and was a total shock to me.
A buddy was visiting my apartment and I had a small collection of glossy, expensive hard-core magazines, all of them straight. The extent of my interest in guys until that night was merely thinking sometimes, "Man, that guy has a huge cock" or "I wonder sometimes what it would be like to touch another guy's penis?" But I never actively fantasized about it.
My friend and I smoked some weed, which never failed to trip my libido. As we were thumbing thru the porn magazines, we'd both comment like, "Wow, she's got a beautiful pussy" or "Nice tits!" My buddy said at one point, "That guy is hung like a horse. Man, I wish I was that big." But I thought nothing of it. After awhile, he asked if he could use my shower as he'd worked after school and hadn't had time to clean up. I said sure and he disappeared for awhile. I opened up a beer and sat on the edge of the bed, looking through several hardcore porn magazines.
When he reappeared, he was still wet from the shower with a towel around his waist but it didn't hide much and it was obvious he was aroused. I found I couldn't take my eyes off it, although I tried to act like I didn't see it. He sat in a chair and pulled the towel up to dry his hair and was now totally naked in my bedroom. I felt very uncomfortable with it but said nothing. He smiled at me and made some joke about "not getting any in awhile" and I said, "Well, that's becoming increasingly obvious." :cool:
We were at a standoff point and I sure wasn't going to make the first move, although my eyes kept darting to his now totally erect penis. I finally said something like, "You might want to go back to the bathroom and take care of that, man" and he grinned and stood up and said, "Yeah, but I'd love some help with it."
I could feel myself getting aroused and was totally taken back by it. I never had thought of men in that way before but I could feel my cock growing in my shorts, fueled by some herb and the sight of a nude guy in my bedroom. I remember breathing heavily and feeling very flushed.
He must have been able to see it because he boldly walked up to me, leaving the towel behind him on the chair and put my hand on his cock. He asked me to stroke it. I was sort of paralyzed and first and said, "We shouldn't do this" but he put his hand over mine and stroked himself using my hand until he withdrew it and let me take over. I was sitting on the bed, he was standing. I'll never forget feeling him tense up and grimace and knowing he was going to cum, which he did in prodigious amounts all over my face and chest. I thought I'd be disgusted by it but found myself totally aroused in a way I never had before. We cleaned up a little, using the towel and saying nothing and I was literally shaking all over. He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed my cock thru my shorts and asked if I needed some help too. Initially I said no thanks but finally relented. We ended up nude in my bed and he massaged me, paying a lot of attention to my ass and balls, which no woman had ever done (to be honest, I'd only been with a couple at that point of my life!). It was very strange, almost an out of body experience for me. I found myself moaning out loud and moving my ass and hips to his touch while at the same time thinking "I really shouldn't be doing this. This is to weird."
He went down on me eventually and had me climbing the ceiling for what seemed like an hour. I finally had an explosive, all body orgasm in his mouth.
After that experience, we got together several time, until he had to transfer to another school. It never failed to be an amazingly erotic time, with multiple orgasms, kissing, making out and everything except anal intercourse. I knew after that I'd never be the same but have only been with one other guy since. I was happily married and now am happily divorced with an incredible girlfriend but do think of those old times frequently, particularly the first time!

I was watching Queer as Folk. A rather explicit sex scene between two men came up. And guess what? Sproingggggg! :eek:

Edit: I forgot to say. I was in my teens at the time. Maybe 14. Same time my attraction to women developed. It was a confusing time.

As long as I can remember, I have been attracted to both men and women. BUT, Consciencely I remember looking at my grandma's Playgirl Mags and liking what I saw then going to my mom's Easy riders and looking at the girls.

Have really enjoyed all of the honest and insightful responses to this one. And it has really made me think seriously about the question. I think that the realization came to me very recently even though I have had sexual relationships with both sexes since my teen years. But it was just a few months ago, that I really analyzed my realtionships and came to realize that most of my male relationships had been from a selfish standpoint (i.e. always being the receiving one, and not the giver) while my hetero relationships had been on a shared or giving standpoint.
It was this realization that brought me to the point of really understanding my bisexuality in that I now want all of my relationships to be fully shared in the satisfaction. And not from a standpoint of receiving only.

I've always liked both since I can remember....I just didnt' know that it was "allowed" or "normal". I was confused for a very long time wondering if I was straight or a lesbian because of it. When I was like 7 or so I would spend the night at my friends who was a year or two older then I and she would like to play girlfriend/boyfriend when we were in bed and she always wanted to be the boy. I've always had an open mind and liked women and men since then but because of what society was putting out I thought that there was something wrong with me for being that way. I had enough issues with being different in my area that I didn't need to add more conflict to it so I just kept things to myself for way too many years.

no experience

Up until I was around 24 I was resolutely heterosexual and would never have considered a man. But I'd begun to believe in the dissolution of the self - taking what you believe about yourself, including any socialisation, and smashing it all down. Then seeing what still stands.

Slowly, rather than seeing yourself as a person merely born in a particular time and place in a particular culture I saw that we could lay ourselves open for the transition of the spirit through our lives.

...and I saw that the spirit comes through a man and travels through the woman and I wanted to be between the two. For me bisexuality is a quasi religious endeavour. It is the labour of desire.

Please forgive my somewhat garbled language, sometimes I know where I am with my ideas and other times they seem to be scrambled.

My first male experience was about 17 years ago when I answered a Loot ad. The fellow was shocked, as was I, when I shifted the conversation directly to sex. I recognise in myself a love of dramatic tension. The way in which it can be subtly employed to startling effect.

My 2nd experience came a couple of years later when I visited a gay club after going to see Guns n Roses in London. An odd couplet there. The man who pulled me was a classic moustacheode type. He took me to his home and gave me a lesson in man to man pleasure.

Sexual pleasure with a willing man is a delight and it still tantalises me. However I relate to a man only in a sexual sense.

The female differs and is a permanent desire to me. And that can never change......

I used to love easy loving with girls at University. There were often bi possibilties with them and other girls but I was too naive to grab the opportunity.

Oh didn't he ramble.......get out of here sarasvati.......another day

Realization , for me, was a long slow process starting sometime about age 40 and slowly building until I had my first until I had my first male experience at age 59. The first I can recall was some time in the '80's, reading some bi/gay erotica in VARIATIONS and finding myself turned on by it, and about the same time playing with another couple and being "concerned" about sloppy-seconds and then finding out that when it finally happened I liked it.
:bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin:

around 14 while living in thailand.. my playmates and i got into sex play in a big way , doing it in sheds, barns, where ever we could get some privacy for the bunch of us..mainly i think this was one of the older girls ideas, cause she was always one of the more adventurous types..regardless, i remember one of the girls and i were fooling around and i believe i was planting kisses on her breasts and one of the guys was really excited and i looked up and saw him all erect and curvy and and my brain went "YUM!, go taste that!".... and then i totally forgot about the girl i was playing with..,,and next thing i know i had bent over and he was slowly sliding that sweet thing into me, and it was terrific!! we did this a few more times over that year but i never quit girls, and i even found some other guys to play with and well, i never knew the term til years later , just that i liked both sides of the coin.. but like i've said here many times before, it's always been part and parcel of who i am.. i don't feel like i have a disease or that i'm abnormal or doing anything to spite any one.. i'm just being me

ummm, heh heh, sometimes i share too much.. :(

I realised my possibly bisexuality...well just at the end of December 2006...
I've always known when a guy is got a good build and is good looking, could say that was my dormant bisexual side and that it finalyl came into fruition.
Still undecided but sure there is some form of facination/attraction that began after december.

Well I wasn't willing to admit it to myself until recent years, as the stigma of being OTS was so bad I was terrified of it. But if it had to be the moment I forst had sexual thoughts about males it had to be when I was 10. I was sporting a strong crush on a man that was close to my family.

I think I always knew that I was bi. I remember when I was in 1st grade (I think) me and my friend would be over at each other's house "rocking up" and kissing with each other in the closet lol. The funny thing is when we got older (throughout elementary) we acted like it never happened and went on with our friendship.

My mom use to have this book that I was fascinated with. It had these paintings of sexual positions with these asian people. I would get turned on by looking at the female photos. I too was watching those late night porns on Cinemax, Showtime, or HBO when I was younger.

I always looked at females in a different way but didn't come out to anyone because of their opinions. All of my friends had boyfriends so I had to fit in too. I like males as much as I like females, so it's like 50/50. But yeah, I realized when I was probably 7 or 8 years old.

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Originally Posted by wanderingrichard

ummm, heh heh, sometimes i share too much.. :(

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I don't think that was too much. What you revealed there should be accepted as middle-of-the-road in this community.
And it was hot. It got me woody just visualizing it.
:bigrin: