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I don't wish to have a barney, hun. You may have posted, but once u have done so that post ceases to be ur personal property and is therefore fair game for other posters to comment upon as they see fit so long as they are pertinent and polite. You may disagree as is your right.. a great thing freedom of speech.Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
I respectfully disagree. If it was where he started a political post, then didn't want to hear the opposing opinion, that would be different, he set himself up for that. But, the OP was nothing politics, it was asking for advice on a personal issue, and it got moved in another direction. If we have every post go into political temper tantrums yelling, the people who come here to try and get advice and understanding of changes in their life, will just leaveQuote:
Originally Posted by darkeyes
As adults, I feel we should be respectful of someone's post not to derail it.........................but, thats only my opinion, that and $5 will get you a 1/2 gallon of gas
That’s the issue. No one knows how to keep politics out of everything. They are brainwashed by the mainstream media with lies upon lies and they buy it. I’m tired of politics being brought into every aspect of life.
This has nothing to do with politics it has to do with a completely different issue
Well, this went down the drain pretty quickly...
Sexuality is nothing if not political. It has been forced that direction by too many groups. Years ago, who or what you had sex with was nobodies business and now it is everyone's.Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
Faster than me after 8 tequila shotsQuote:
Originally Posted by KDaddy23
I couldn’t agree with you more Darkeyes…..you’re spot on.Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyes
How are they spot on? My post had nothing to do with politics it had to do with something I’m personally dealing with. If you want to talk about politics all the time then go talk about it on your own post. The only people that make sexuality a political point are the people that want to push it on everyone else.
Its possible that she just wants to fuck him and indulging your own sexual interests, is a way of making that possible, and he sounds like he is interested in fucking your wife and using his bisexuality? as a way into her panties.....Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
It sounds like your wife and you have been talking a lot and with a lot of openness and honesty, and have a mutual agreement not to go further with the guy.... in your wifes case, it may be just a sexual attraction or the idea of sex with him / 3some with you both, is appealing......but at times it is hard for people to express why they have the attractions and desires they do, because it does not really make sense to them either, there is just something that appeals to them, so yeah I would agree with her just a fuck buddy answer
For me, intuition and gut instinct are two things I never ignore in my own life.... and even if I have no basis for the alarm bells going off in my head, I always pay attention to them and 9/10 the reason why becomes clearly some time down the track.......and in this case, I agree with you and your wife, something does not feel right with the guy......I asked my partner what she thinks and her opinions was the same as mine, the guy may be bisexual but her read is that he will fuck guys when there is no female around and its more about his own sexual interest with your wife, than a 3some with you both.....
At first I was thinking "Wow, what a supportive wife, that is awesome, go for it", but as you released more information, it reminds me of my wife's affair several years ago, culminating in a 3-some with someone from the neighborhood and the swinger community. In the moment, it was an great first experience on several points, but there were red flags I did not see or heed. What I learned after, was the affair, and after a along discussion, twice more in two years rediscovery... .and I was the bad guy for asking for swinging and 3-somes.
Now I share that not as proof your spouse is doing anything, but as a cautionary example - there may be more going on than you see/know. One concern, is that she has had a discussion where she seems to have outed you to a neighbor. Big faux pas to out someone else. She needs to talak to you first if she is going to be sharing your orientation, and certainly should be having a discussion with you before beginning such discussions with neighbors about sexual encounters.
If you two really feel moving to an open relationship, consider joining in some swinger communities, learning the etiquette first, and learn how to recognize the sex hounds that basically say anything to get into your wife's pants... including claiming they are into men/you. It's a shame, but they exist in large numbers.
I would recommend not pursuing anything with this guy. I would recommend having a very clear conversation about boundaries you have for your wife to participate in extramarital flirting and physical encounters. If you are this worried, it is not a good situation.
Well saidQuote:
Originally Posted by CurEUs_Male
I agree with CurEUs_Male. I always felt that part of an open marriage was setting boundaries that both live by. If either isn’t comfortable, for whatever reason, with a situation, then it’s a matter of respecting the boundaries. It will depend on what the agreement is as to what happens next. It could be it stops there and both move on or one participates without the other but shares all the details, or any combination. It’s not always smooth sailing and temptation will test both partners but, that’s when the big head in your shoulders needs to prevail instead of the little one between your legs.
My wife and I have our agreement that allows me to
play with other men, no women. I’ve had offers of mmf’s but have to turn them down even though it is a huge fantasy of mine, especially fucklicking. Now, mmm, and it’s good. She suggests I stick with men that are closer to
my age, married and out to their wives. In her practical view, it’s less complicated and more about sexual satisfaction and not intimacy or romantic entanglement. She’s been right about that in a couple of instances of hooking up with single men in their 20s. Hot as it may be. They wanted more.
keep working on the communication and coming to a consensus.
In the early days of finding myself with both a wife and a girlfriend living with me, I wondered why my wife insisted that we make her girlfriend a part of our family. I knew that she knew that I very much wanted to fuck this woman because we talked about it and no problem. The woman was to spend the night with us because of some shit with her asshole boyfriend and my wife told me to go to her and fuck her and, well, that's what I did and afterward, was asked and challenged to be able to handle both of them because she believed that her girlfriend - and now, my girlfriend - would be better cared for and about by me. And despite being leery about it, I accepted the challenge and the responsibility... but I was still wondering if there was some other reason for her decision. Come to find out that my wife had fallen in love with her and I felt that she reasoned that the only way she could have her was... to give her to me and if true, I didn't know how I felt about that. I would ask her about this and she'd categorically deny that this was the real reason for things being the way they are... and I couldn't get this out of my mind.
We added my girlfriend to our family and I literally got blown away when my girlfriend had a field day making my wife cum like never before and I was puzzled until my girlfriend told me that the reason why she made love to my wife was because it was the way she'd be able to keep having me but, yeah, she had always wanted to find out what it was like to have sex with a woman so, as she told me, this was a win/win for her. And... I saw the logic in it even though I also felt that it was an... underhanded way to get what you really wanted.
I feel the same way about this situation. The wife seems to want to fuck the neighbor and if homey is bi like you are - and that might be a big if - then giving him to you gives her the access to him that she "really" wants. That homey is covered in red flags, well, I get that and a threesome probably shouldn't happen... but now it's all about whether your wife still wants to fuck this guy because, uh, she wants to fuck him even if it's for reasons that doesn't make sense to you. I don't know what to tell you about this other than to have a really serious talk with your wife about all of this and, hopefully, she'll be 100% honest with you about her intentions.
All that being true, this is not the forum for it. Not everyone wants to be bombarded with Trump Derangement Syndrome all the time. Sometimes we just want to live our lives away from politics.Quote:
Originally Posted by xdoorb
Ignoring the political bullshit - and if there's one thing I've learned, its damned impossible to avoid politics, because there's always one person..... - I think CurEUs_Male and KDaddy23 are both onto something. I'd be very cautious, if I was the OP.
So I have been going back and forth with my wife for a few days about everything. It seems like she wants to have an open relationship all together. I really don?t know what to do. I?m scared that she will want to end up in a relationship with someone else.
This may not be the thread for it, but it has always been an open forum for political discussion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jozyxt
Having been through several open relationships, and one open marriage, something that is always possible is that one of both partners will enter relationships with others which will endanger or even be the catalyst for ending one's principal relationship.. if it is one's kismet then so it shall be. A love relationship is a partnership, not a prison and it's ending can hurt like hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
Next summer, my fiancee and I shall wed. Our present (open) relationship will evolve but remain open. We do not own those we love, and are as likely to destroy our relationships by being possessive of a partner as not. Each of us must find our own way but it is essential to talk with our partner and come to consensus. It may be hopeless, and our destiny pre-determined, but we are human and we fight the fates we hate and fear. I truly wish you well, BiGuy.
Honestly, as an outside observer, and of course we are only getting your feelings..............I have known people in open relationships, I know people who are swingers, it doesn't come across that you two are at that point of being able to do it and NOT have a detrimental effect on a relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
For some people it works, for others, its the end of something that has already ended. Truthfully, it's, again my opinion, as coming across as a reason to screw around, not to expand a quality relationship.
But, I also dont know you personally
Have the two of you considered counseling?Quote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
We have been in counseling. But why do you ask?Quote:
Originally Posted by njfresh
In my opinion I’d take this neighborhood “friend” off the table for both of you even if you decide to have an open marriage. The biggest flag for me is the statement he doesn’t want to see me (the guy) naked even if we’re just focusing on the wife. This guy supposedly has a crush on you? He doesn’t want to play with you or even see you naked though? Sounds like he’s not really bi or into you and is using yours and your wife’s desires to move into her pussy. Just my take though. I however wouldn’t let him near my wife if I was in your shoes. He sounds shady. Honestly, your wife kinda flipped the script too and makes me wonder what she would say if you agree to things being open but that this guys isn’t allowed in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by louther
What do you mean she flipped the script? She has told me that she is done with him as far as sex goes. It?s just a whole ordeal. I think I have gotten through to her and made my point.
SO we have gone from you thinking about experimenting to your wife wanting a open relationship.....and her concerns with you experimenting and the chances of it turning into more, to your own concerns about others having sex with your wife and what may happen.......
It actually reads like your wife is/was more ready to open the relationship than you are /were.....
But something else does stand out to me, and that is something I do see a lot....which is for the guys, its going to be simple, casual hook ups, no reason for concern or worry so their wives / partners concerns are valid but a stumbling block to the guys sexual pleasure, however when its the wife / partner wanting the same rights to have casual sex with others, suddenly the same concerns are very real, very worrying because its the partner enjoying sex with other people...........
I am in a open relationship with my own partner and we do have a closed group of FwB ( another guy and two other females )the others actually pushed me to open my arms and my heart to my partner as we had mutual feelings towards each other for many years, and she did indicate that she would be interested in and enjoy being my partner and part of the closed group..... but she was not interested in playing around outside of the group........so rather than getting together then opening up the relationship to involve the closed group, she was brought in to the closed group and became my partner......
We do not actually have * rules * as much because its been easier for her and I to decide our own limits....we basically did the reverse of what most people do, and that was we said ok to a open relationship and then set our own boundaries for ourselves.....but that was easy to do as I do not have a interest in sex with random people or doing random hook ups, they are too troublesome with time wasters and people that want to suck, fuck and fun.....a sentiment shared by everybody in our closed group.....
With other people it does not always work, sometimes the lack of personal boundaries does mean that some people end up spending more time having sex with other people than with their own partners, and thats one good way to mess up a relationship........
my partner has sex with the others in the group and I am not always involved because there are times I am busy with work or just not really in the mood for sex... and its easy to say that there is a lot of trust there, but the reality is for us, its not about trust, to be honest... and more to do with the fact that neither of us are interested in or looking for anything else beyond what we have with each other....
so thats some food for thought for you and your partner, maybe a small closed group of FwB is better suited for you both, with people that do not want anything more than FwB but would enjoy a long term arrangement..... casual hookups are problematic at times and even people you know, can be problematic as you both are finding out.........
I mean you started out saying she didn’t want to let you play because she was worried you would like sex with others more than with her, then all of a sudden she wanted to fuck the neighbor. Just what I read from you, I may have read into that wrong. It just seems odd that she was insecure about you with guys but quickly moved to her fucking your neighbor even thought the neighbor’s “crush” on you seemed to disappear…
Exactly!!! Interesting how the script flipped - BAM!Quote:
Originally Posted by louther
I got that also! Wow talk about flaky. I think the two of you have missed this boat, you are both a bit of a basket case. When in doubt - don't ruin a marriage for a fantasy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Long Duck Dong
exactlyQuote:
Originally Posted by wifekinky4husband
looks at jaz.....thats why I have never married, I had a fantasy that marriage was for life, other people getting married and divorced, ruined my fantasy, lol
I have wed and divorced twice and next year will wed again. Both marriages were fantasies in their own way, and wrecked because of fantasies.. I have always accepted the possibility that marriages end in divorce so I never lived the forever fantasy. Third time lucky, Duckie, who can tell, but I will enter that marriage as I did the others.. full of love and hope, but aware that love and hope isn't always enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Long Duck Dong
REAQuote:
Originally Posted by BiGuy1992
From reading this thread it appears that there are some areas that you and wife might need some help; communication and insecurity as well as the nature of your relationship. Good luck!