I was outed!

What is interesting to me is that how this thread has switched from the questions and pleas /needs of a bisexual man who finds himself feeling that he can not be honest with his hetero partner to the needs of a hetero woman and support for monogamy?

He is not given any support from most because he did not conform to the "good standards" of monosexual monogamist's mainstream beliefs...seems to me. I think that the OP has been treated poorly by fellow bisexuals and monosexuals. He is making mistakes. Perhaps he is being selfish. He seems to be drowning and "we" the good bi.com people are failing him. "We" have diverted his thread pleas to those of a much more worthy hetero monogamist female.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by drugstore cowboy

Tenni there's nothing "monosexual" or LOL "mainstream" about being monogamous. Cheating is cheating no matter what the person's gender and/or sexual orientation is.

---

lol.oh my poor sweet monogamist man. Tell us all about your struggles to resist pussy when you are in a monogamist same sex relationship. How do you deal with your opposite gender urges? Does your same sex partner do a sexy strip tease to convert you back to his cock? Or do you sit there and talk about all the "famous" gay closet cases that you have fucked to get your mind off pussy? Tell us all about the women that you have fucked and their wonderful breasts...pant pant... Tell us about waking up with morning wood dripping because of the hot dream that you had about fucking three woman at a time. How do you cope and get your mind back focused on just one cock?

Tenni- ver quickly because I'm on my mobile and I do want to reply fully, I did give give the OP some advice, as did some other members, before the thread took this turn. We mostly gave the same advice, honesty and communication. I don't think he's been here in a while.

Right, I apologise for inviting answers to my questions, I was a little steamed when I wrote the offending post. You can feel like an unwelcome alien in here sometimes, with people insisting that monogamy and bisexuality can't co-exist, that if you're bisexual then all's fair in love and war (essentially) and that being a hetero woman means I can't have an understanding of anything. In the first part of the post I did pose the question of what a they would do if they suspected their partner going beyond whatever boundaries have been set, I was interested to see what the replies would be. It seems to be that gearbox would be sensible enough not to get into the situation in the first place, but that's a bit late for the OP.

gearbox - I have been through a journey since being on this site, and others. Yes, I've been through upset and confused and I've posted honestly here. I have grown and my relationship has benefited. We have been tackling other, more pressing issues at the same time, it has been incredibly challenging for us both and I'm sure my emotional state has been affected by a number of things at different times. I haven't ever debated whether to 'allow' him anything, we discuss between us what we feel will work for us and make agreements. We're currently monogamous but we're expecting that to change in the future, I don't know whether that makes me monogamous or not.

tenni - no, I don't believe that hetero trumps bisexual, I just believe in equal. I'm not sure why you think I think it's important that a bi guy shouldn't have sex with another man. I think people should be honest in their relationships and work out what works for them. If a closeted bisexual leads their partner into believing they are having a monogamous relationship then that's exactly what they should be having. I think that monogamy is more of a choice, albeit one that we are historically conditioned with, than sexuality, and doesn't necessarily not correlate with bisexuality. My partner and I have agreed to a non-monogamous relationship in the future, but currently we are monogamous, mostly his choice. We're working it through.

Yes, this thread got diverted from the original topic, to which the OP did get some replies with good advice, I hope he saw them and is working through his problems.

.."“Tenni, has often made the claim that bisexual people, especially men have needs wich make them special.. or ther sexuality special.. I have always argued this point cos as individuals........................................ Post 32

Darkeyes Sweeheart ;)

I don’t know if I have actually written that bimen are “special”. I have read others interpreting/trying to place this word "special" in my typing hand.

Are bisexuals different from monosexuals? YES

Are bisexuals different with different needs when compared to monosexuals? YES.

Are bisexuals the best suited of all sexualities for monogamy? NOPE.....the least suited for monogamy.

Yes Darkeyes...we are all special in some way which makes none of us special ..except unicorns now that's special ;)

Now, I will just take my accused homophobic biphobic self out for a Guinness :) I should invite druggie my lovely monogamous part of a same sex couple who fuck a woman together and somehow are still working hard at a monogamous relationship with a man.

I have always maintained that a relationship is a partnership - the needs of all of the partners (or in the case where raising young children is involvedthe whole family) must be taken into consideration. When we answer these threads the answer is always inevitably one sided because we usually only have the perspective of one of the partners. I am beating up on men because there IS a double standard in society but I think it is slowly eroding as women find more sexual freedom. My only complaint is that people who don't really want children somehow neglect to use condoms but anyway..

I do have sympathy and empathy for men and women who didn't know they were bisexual before they got married, there are no easy answers. If possible it is best to be honest (but not necessarily blunt).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by David1972

Tenni what makes you think or believe you're some sort of expert to speak for every bisexual man or woman or claim that we can't be monogamous or are the "Worst suited for monogamy"? :rolleyes:

---

To be fair to him, I don't think tenni has ever said that bi peeps can't be monogamous.. I think he does believe that it is an unwise and extremely difficult thing for them to attempt... and it is an argument with some validity.. whether it is worst suited to monogamy is a valid point of view even if I don't think that bisexuals are more or less likely to live monogamously than str8 or gay peeps.. he has never said that they can't live monogamously ..but he does think they make a mistake by doing so and if I read him correctly, that they deny a part of their very being and sell themselves short if they do. It is actually a very difficult thing for any human being to attempt no matter his or her sexuality and I have never been convinced that simply by being bisexual and attracted to both genders. that it is easier or more difficult to be monogamous than those of us who are attracted to one. We are far more complex creatures than that.

U sound strangely familiar Davie boy.. read one or 2 other posts of yours and u sounded even more familiar.. o dear... sum peep will nev leave it alone...:(

David
Ah, as Darkeyes states quite accurately she has covered my belief about "SOME" bisexuals and the struggle that some bisexuals have with monogamy. You are "new" or "renewed" in your posts here. I am not the only bisexual on this site who believes that some bisexuals are not suited for monogamy. Some bisexuals are happy being monogamous. This supports the perspective that bisexuality is not one but several sexualities or sub groups(not just something on the Kinsey scale but actually diffferent groups of sexuality). You just have to go through the threads, sleep with a bunch of bisexual men ..(mypersonal and preferred scientific method :love87:.) in order to see that monogamy is not the easiest thing to do for many many biseuxals. It is not our default mode. We should not be forced to feel bad for being this way either. Gays & heteros may have problems with it but you can bet your cum soaked shorts that many bisexuals struggle.

Now, how is this biphobic? It is truth from several people's views who are bisexual. Look at threads about biguys cheating on their hetero wives because they can not/will not disclose out of shame for wanting both genders. You seem ashamed that some bisexuals do not live a monogamous life...talk about biphobic..:yikes2: Some biguys who have argued your position are perhaps closer to monosexuality than other bisexuals and we embarrass your type of bisexual by not being monogamous? We're the slutty ones and you are well more "normal" in your mind...or so others have argued. Argue all you want about how there are bisexual who are monogamous...true..but no one has stats to prove anything about how many bisexuals who are monogamous are happy.

There are stats about bisexuals who are depressed though. Read research dude. Bisexual women have the highest rate of suicide thoughts and depression followed by bisexual men far more than gay/lesbians and much more so that heteros. Why?

* gets off soapbox.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hasty

You can feel like an unwelcome alien in here sometimes, with people insisting that monogamy and bisexuality can't co-exist, that if you're bisexual then all's fair in love and war (essentially) and that being a hetero woman means I can't have an understanding of anything.

---

You have heard from SOME bisexual husbands that cheating was inevitable for THEM! Also that for some who do cheat, there are understandable reasons for it.
There's no condoning of it! Just a recognition of there being reasons.
Taking a 'Bisexuals have it real good' stance on that shows that you have little understanding of what its like for those bisexuals. If you think about it, there is no other site on the net where you can learn about why some cheat (that I know of). There are plenty of partners of any gender and sexuality cheating, but at least here the bi's are open about it.
They do NOT need judgments! That will only put them off expressing their reasons. It might not be comfortable for many to read, but where else are you going to get that info?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by David1972

If a man wants to be closeted and cheat it's not my problem but it is cowardly and it will only come back to bite them in the ass since eventually they will get caught. Life is not easy for anyone of any gender or sexual orientation, and people of all genders, sexual orientations, and ages get depressed and some kill themselves for any number of reasons. I do not believe studies or research as the data and results can be easily manipulated to show any outcome. Either way the oppression Olympics that you're going on about and all the whining is not going to do any good at all.

---

True
However, you asked about what makes me think that I know..etc. You come with your perspective. Stats indicate that bisexuals do have it worse than monosuexlas (gays and heteros). Transsexuals excluded as that is gender issues and not sexuality issues.

You refer to bisexual men as cowardly for not disclosing. Perhaps you have examined the consequences and stats on the results of such disclosure. (I think that it is 60 +% of marriages tend to fail after two years after a bisexual discloses their sexuality is a stat). How do your postings make the monosexual world easier for bisexual men? How do your postings help people on this site? What are your positive suggestions to help the OP now?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

True
However, you asked about what makes me think that I know..etc. You come with your perspective. Stats indicate that bisexuals do have it worse than monosuexlas (gays and heteros). Transsexuals excluded as that is gender issues and not sexuality issues.

You refer to bisexual men as cowardly for not disclosing. Perhaps you have examined the consequences and stats on the results of such disclosure. (I think that it is 60 +% of marriages tend to fail after two years after a bisexual discloses their sexuality is a stat). How do your postings make the monosexual world easier for bisexual men? How do your postings help people on this site? What are your positive suggestions to help the OP now?

---

David as usual in his many posts and almost as many guises has no understanding of reality. It would be luffly if peeps could just tell their partners all but millennia of conditioning by religion and society make it difficult.. just what are bi people to do knowing the prejudice that lurks out there, and knowing just what may happen should they tell husband or wife their true nature? A nature which may have crept up on them and about which they had no inkling until of late? Many who are gay, lesbian or bisexual do love their heterosexual partner and it is extremely difficult to admit to what they are fearing loss and even exposure generally, humiliation and even a career's end... even in this day and age with equal opportunities and anti discrimination law on the statute books, bigots can find ways around them. Many sacrifice their own sexuality because they care so deeply for wife and family...not all fuck around. Many stay closeted and unhappy, monogamous in reality as well as officially... many do stray because they are drawn to it and can't help themselves.. if everyone came out the world would be a better place and barriers would break down more quickly.. but at the cost of so many unhappy people, miserable people, and not just the bisexual or gay amongst us.. their spouses, children and other family and friends... we must consider reality.. dimwits don't...

I find the difference between this site and some others fascinating. People dealing with coming out or being outed (or any of a variety of issues, really) receive compassion, support, constructive advice, lessons-learned, etc., on other sexuality-related sites. On this site, they get judgement, controversy, and often outright attack, to the extent that any support is lost in the shuffle.

It's small wonder that we have so few support threads, compared to the size of the "community".

I wonder if there's something about this place that attracts thoughtlessness and bile...or are we just lucky?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Annika L

I find the difference between this site and some others fascinating. People dealing with coming out or being outed (or any of a variety of issues, really) receive compassion, support, constructive advice, lessons-learned, etc., on other sexuality-related sites. On this site, they get judgement, controversy, and often outright attack, to the extent that any support is lost in the shuffle.

It's small wonder that we have so few support threads, compared to the size of the "community".

I wonder if there's something about this place that attracts thoughtlessness and bile...or are we just lucky?

---

You're right, Annika, unfortunately a minority of members use the forum to carry out flame wars, or spout their own ideologies or bigotry, while hiding behind a screen name. Wouldn't you love to see some of the judgmental types on here get outed, just for the karma?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by drugstore cowboy

Cheating is cheating no matter what the person's gender and/or sexual orientation is.

---

I agree with this statement and sentiment. If someone becomes engaged in a relationship or relationships, they ought to honor that/those relationship/s.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by elian

I have always maintained that a relationship is a partnership - the needs of all of the partners (or in the case where raising young children is involved the whole family) must be taken into consideration.

---

This too is something I agree with. Often it is why I am reticent at times, with both you and my wife. I am granting consideration and room for growth, living for all of us. And sometimes words truly do not function as they need to, or are unable to express the depth of love felt for you both. It can be a bit painful to feel things but not be able to find a way to say them.

Am fortunate and grateful each waking moment for the cosmos finding a way clear you both are in my life. *hugs, smooches*

I agree with your sentiment Annika. Judgemental statements in black and white terms seem inappropriate on a bisexual site. These cheater statements do nothing for bisexuals. Duh..yes cheating is bad It helps no one except those making the statements feel smug. The poor bugger has not been on the site after twenty -four hours of posting.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by David1972

She was writing about how you like to go on about how it's somehow OK for a bisexual man to cheat, how you write homophobic posts, and how you attack and flame people especially new people like you did to that woman from the UK who just wrote questions about bisexuality.

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Annika may well have been thinking of tenni when she wrote her post but I have a feeling u weren't too far from her thoughts when she began tapping away at her keyboard... but really the only person who knows the truth of that is Annika herself so I suggest u resist the temptation to tell us all what is in the mind of another..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Annika L

I find the difference between this site and some others fascinating. People dealing with coming out or being outed (or any of a variety of issues, really) receive compassion, support, constructive advice, lessons-learned, etc., on other sexuality-related sites. On this site, they get judgement, controversy, and often outright attack, to the extent that any support is lost in the shuffle.

It's small wonder that we have so few support threads, compared to the size of the "community".

I wonder if there's something about this place that attracts thoughtlessness and bile...or are we just lucky?

---

As for my own feelings on this issue, I do have empathy and compassion
for people. That noted, I also feel that cheating is not excusable by
one's sexual orientation. I am trying to not conflate two separate
issues which are seen.

Cheating is about betraying an intimate trust which lovers agree upon.
If they've agreed upon being open with one another and being honest,
great! If not then both lovers need to honor that intimate trust. Not
honoring it is clearly not correct, hence wrong.

Being a bisexual/homosexual/transgender person is all well and good.
If that's you, great, more power to you! To me that means you can love
anyone you choose, or don't choose but merely love because you love. I
understand love though to infer trust and intimacy, this further
implies you are able to be open and honest. There should be no need to
cheat.

I agree void() You have said everything I believe in principle.

Of course real life gets in the way and people do cheat, and I suspect that as long as people cheat then their partners and spouses will snoop. Despite what others have said about me here I do feel empathy for bisexuals who find themselves for whatever reason torn between a rock and a hard place, and can even see the flawed logic that might lead them to cheat, but I can't understand how someone can do it without considering the consequences, for themselves and their partners if found out and being unprepared for it. The reasons for this probably vary, perhaps arrogance or denial but faced with the truth coming out I don't think that being bisexual is a valid reason for the choice of cheating. Yes, by definition I am a monosexual, but it occurs to me that bisexuals probably form the majority of their relationships with monosexuals, you can't really separate us that way. Us monosexuals who love our bisexual partners and want to make our relationships work may find our way to this site to learn and understand or ask questions and deserve the same respect and understanding as anyone else coming here. Bisexuality affects my life too, that's why I'm here.

void() - Posted, then ran a nice hot bath to have a nice long soak in some bubbles, then realised that my whole post above could be construed as though I was talking to you. Only the first line was specifically to you, the rest is open. Fastest bath I've had in a long time!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by void()

As for my own feelings on this issue, I do have empathy and compassion
for people. That noted, I also feel that cheating is not excusable by
one's sexual orientation. I am trying to not conflate two separate
issues which are seen.

Cheating is about betraying an intimate trust which lovers agree upon.
If they've agreed upon being open with one another and being honest,
great! If not then both lovers need to honor that intimate trust. Not
honoring it is clearly not correct, hence wrong.

Being a bisexual/homosexual/transgender person is all well and good.
If that's you, great, more power to you! To me that means you can love
anyone you choose, or don't choose but merely love because you love. I
understand love though to infer trust and intimacy, this further
implies you are able to be open and honest. There should be no need to
cheat.

---

Where on this entire forum do you read bisexuals saying that it is right to cheat? (Including the bisexuals who DO cheat)
It sounds like you are protesting against it. Where is it?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gearbox

Where on this entire forum do you read bisexuals saying that it is right to cheat? (Including the bisexuals who DO cheat)
It sounds like you are protesting against it. Where is it?

---

Perhaps no one has directly said it. The implications of it are present though.
Sentiment seems that if you are bi, it grants you a free pass because you
can't be bothered to honor a commitment. I don't agree with that.

And it does seem that some believe it, even if it goes unsaid here. I can
be empathetic, sure. For myself though the notion of cheating is just out
of bounds. Even if my wife desired me to not be with elian, I'd make the
relationship with her work, she's my wife and that's a commitment agreed
upon.

If it sounds as though I'm saying being bisexual does not excuse one
from being decent and moral, you're on spot. I'm tired of seeing a
negative stereotype against any group of people. We're all people and
we all need to be more compassionate of that. Aside, we all also need
to be respectable and decent. And yes it can be done.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by void()

Perhaps no one has directly said it. The implications of it are present though.
Sentiment seems that if you are bi, it grants you a free pass because you
can't be bothered to honor a commitment. I don't agree with that.

And it does seem that some believe it, even if it goes unsaid here. I can
be empathetic, sure. For myself though the notion of cheating is just out
of bounds. Even if my wife desired me to not be with elian, I'd make the
relationship with her work, she's my wife and that's a commitment agreed
upon.

If it sounds as though I'm saying being bisexual does not excuse one
from being decent and moral, you're on spot. I'm tired of seeing a
negative stereotype against any group of people. We're all people and
we all need to be more compassionate of that. Aside, we all also need
to be respectable and decent. And yes it can be done.

---

Ok I'm trying to work out how somebody implies that their bisexuality gives them a free pass to cheat without stating it. How do they do that?
In my observation that has always been directly accused of bisexuals, and not admitted or expressed by the cheating bisexuals themselves.

Its like a game of Chinese Whispers where one will state that just coz a dog has got teeth, it doesn't justify it biting people....and soon there's a group of people agreeing and steering clear of the dangerous dog coz it bites for no reason at all at any moment and THAT is damn scary and evil etc!:eek2:
No compassion for it, just blind judgments.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gearbox

Ok I'm trying to work out how somebody implies that their bisexuality gives them a free pass to cheat without stating it. How do they do that?
In my observation that has always been directly accused of bisexuals, and not admitted or expressed by the cheating bisexuals themselves.

Its like a game of Chinese Whispers where one will state that just coz a dog has got teeth, it doesn't justify it biting people....and soon there's a group of people agreeing and steering clear of the dangerous dog coz it bites for no reason at all at any moment and THAT is damn scary and evil etc!:eek2:
No compassion for it, just blind judgments.

---

Recall some time ago when there was a guy writer whom had been caught
cheating? I spoke up against cheating, to be met with outcries of me not
being empathetic or compassionate. Tried explaining it was not an
issue with the person, their sexuality but their actions in cheating
which I disagreed with. Again, there was a flood of an expression from
many on here.

What was expressed was that I ought to keep my trap shut because
apparently I didn't understand. I could not possibly understand what
it was to be a bisexual man with a wife whom forbade external
relationships. Well, for the first five years of our thirteen year
marriage here, my wife did forbid. But "oh no, you can't understand
and you're conflating the issues, picking on him because he's
bisexual."

How bloody stupid does that sound? I mean really, me another bisexual
guy picking on another bisexual guy? What the ruddy 'ell would I gain
from it? Not a damn thing. And as I tried stating then and now, I have
no issue directly with the person but the cheating. There are more and
more threads by many various handles on here, all espousing that in
some sense or other it's fine to cheat if you're bi, being bi excuses
you.

Tenni is but one example. No he's not directly said as much. He argues
that monogamy is difficult as a bi person. He also says bi folks who
cheat are better off when their loves make a quick exit, that they
could never understand what it was to be bi. It's not an issue of
sexual orientation but one of personal character, morality, dignity.

I guess apparently as I'm bisexual I'm not supposed to be moral at any
given. And that means I can go rob banks, it'll be okay because I can
do it as being bisexual excuses me from jail time for robbing the bank
was an expression of sexual frustration or some tripe.

With that type of prevalent sentiment is it any wonder then, we as
bisexuals are drug through the mud? I ask coming from a lesson learned
as a boy. Act like a whore, get treated like one. Act like a proper
lady or gent, get treated like one. Not all bisexuals think it is okay
to be cheats. Not all of us believe our sexual orientation grants us
liberty to be promiscuous tramps. We don't accept ourselves being
allowed to hurt others simply because we like sex with both flavors.

--

Sorry, this isn't a "blind judgment" rather, it's a well thought
expression of a feeling and line of thought which has smoldered quite
a while. As others seem able to express a differing feeling, thoughts
regarding cheating, so to I ought to be able to express my own feeling
and thought.

I grow weary of many suggesting I could or do not understand, or
conflate the issues. I think I am very clear, understand well enough.
Simply because one may have some difficulty with emotions does not
mean they are a complete invalid. And so it's an expression of two
frustrations, yet the two are not conflated.

I feel cheating is not moral no matter your sexual orientation, clear
enough. Secondly, I feel frustrated due to many thinking I don't
understand such issues. I set the frustration aside to express my
feeling against cheating, it's not about anyone personally, but about
the issue. It is an issue which reflects upon all whom are bisexual.
That means it's an issue open to discussion here.

So what's the boggle?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Void

So what's the boggle?

---

The boggle is that you are protesting against a belief that you have no real idea if it exists or not. You only have implied second hand hearsay and blatant propaganda to go on. Nobody has told you that they as a bisexual feels it is a reason to cheat in itself.
That is what's called 'Blind Judgement'.

You have successfully propagated the myth that cheating bisexuals (in particular) have no reason to cheat other than being bisexual. That puts those cheating bisexuals in a lower class to cheaters of another sexuality, who apparently don't use their sexuality as an excuse to cheat. That kind of cheater apparently has more 'valid reasons'?
Are you quite sure you have thought that out?

How do you manage to elect Tenni as an example of how some bisexuals believe it is ok for bisexuals to cheat due to being bisexual, when at the same time state that he hasn't said any such thing?:confused:
That's another boggle! You even state his completely different opinions, yet here you are electing him as spokesperson for 'bisexual immorality', and accusing that as why bisexuality get dragged through the mud!
You obviously understand that monogamy is not good, nor even healthy for some bisexuals, but that is not the same as saying it's ok for bisexuals to cheat. THAT is completely different.
Its also not good nor healthy for some of other sexualities to be monogamous. But its amazing how when THEY cheat, their sexuality doesn't get dragged through the mud. When a bisexual cheats, its apparently ok to condemn them on sexuality grounds. We get that a lot here.

You may not experience the avalanche of assumptions about bisexuality that a single bi person gets from potential partners etc. They often think that its in a bi's nature to cheat.
That has nothing to do with all the bisexuals who cheat! It has everything to do with the myths that get passed around that some bisexuals believe that bisexuality is a reason to cheat.
That is what you are doing! You are enforcing that opinion of bisexuality by protesting about it. If you protest about it, then it must be something real.
Its not real! If it were, we'd all cheat.

“Tenni is one. No he has not said as much but…” post 60


Void
If I do not write it, then do not falsely connect the two (cheating and me). I do not understand your linking me to an idea that bisexuals are better off when their love makes a quick exit. That is just not even my language style let alone my meaning. I try not to post in “ultimates” such as “all” but prefer to couch my words with “some”. Bisexuality is not a size that seems to fit all. There are tendencies though such as a fluidity aspect and I believe that monogamy is not the default mode for many bisexuals. That is it. Neither have much to do with cheating.

As far as bisexuality and morality are concerned, I do not connect the two as far as monogamy is concerned. Morality is a judgement call and those that connect monogamy to morality may be using a monosexual base rather than a bisexual base imo. That is as far as I can figure it out at this point.

I can empathize with those bisexuals who cheat on their partners due to a variety of factors much easier than a monosexual cheating on their partner. Empathezing is not condoning. It is having the ability to understand the grey areas of bisexuality in some situations. Using words like "excusable" seems rather judgemental and quite different from "empathizing", understanding". Why be so judgemental? Just thinking about having same sex is judged by some as "wrong" and immoral.

tenni, first of all, I think that is the clearest I have heard you articulate your position in a long time.

There was some insinuation in the thread posts both against cheating and a perception and that the support needs of the bisexual male are not being properly taken into account.

After careful due consideration and the fact that I can't believe this thread has drug on so long I have come to the following learned conclusion:

"Shit Happens"

As I said, waay back there - now is the time for the OP to be honest with both himself and his partner, if he loves her to admit that, the rest of it they are going to have to work out for themselves. If she didn't trust me and I knew I wasn't cheating then I would be upset if the snooping kept going. Perhaps she had a reason to suspect something wasn't right.

Sorry, I don't wish misery on any person but at least now it will be possible to come to a real resolution. Maybe you didn't know you were bi, or didn't want to admit it at the time you knew your girlfriend It may seem bad now but hopefully it will work out for the better. "Better" may mean you stay together or split apart..I'm not sure.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by drugstore cowboy

Well said, some people here like T, G, and others have posted about how it's OK for bisexual men to cheat on their partner especially if she's a woman. If they want to claim it's OK to cheat that's their choice but it shows a lack of morals and people who say it's OK to cheat or make up excuses for cheating are not the type of people like you and I who make excellent partners, stay in a long term relationship/partnership, and who should just stay single and not date or pursue a relationship with anyone since they'll just cheat.

---

Oh dear, the whisper has gone a bit more specific now to include misogyny. TF we're not in Salem a while back, and you can see horns & a tail popping out too.:eek2:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gearbox

The boggle is that you are protesting against a belief that you have no real idea if it exists or not. You only have implied second hand hearsay and blatant propaganda to go on. Nobody has told you that they as a bisexual feels it is a reason to cheat in itself.
That is what's called 'Blind Judgement'.

You have successfully propagated the myth that cheating bisexuals (in particular) have no reason to cheat other than being bisexual. That puts those cheating bisexuals in a lower class to cheaters of another sexuality, who apparently don't use their sexuality as an excuse to cheat. That kind of cheater apparently has more 'valid reasons'?
Are you quite sure you have thought that out?

How do you manage to elect Tenni as an example of how some bisexuals believe it is ok for bisexuals to cheat due to being bisexual, when at the same time state that he hasn't said any such thing?:confused:
That's another boggle! You even state his completely different opinions, yet here you are electing him as spokesperson for 'bisexual immorality', and accusing that as why bisexuality get dragged through the mud!
You obviously understand that monogamy is not good, nor even healthy for some bisexuals, but that is not the same as saying it's ok for bisexuals to cheat. THAT is completely different.
Its also not good nor healthy for some of other sexualities to be monogamous. But its amazing how when THEY cheat, their sexuality doesn't get dragged through the mud. When a bisexual cheats, its apparently ok to condemn them on sexuality grounds. We get that a lot here.

You may not experience the avalanche of assumptions about bisexuality that a single bi person gets from potential partners etc. They often think that its in a bi's nature to cheat.
That has nothing to do with all the bisexuals who cheat! It has everything to do with the myths that get passed around that some bisexuals believe that bisexuality is a reason to cheat.
That is what you are doing! You are enforcing that opinion of bisexuality by protesting about it. If you protest about it, then it must be something real.
Its not real! If it were, we'd all cheat.

---

"The boggle is that you are protesting against a belief that you have
no real idea if it exists or not. You only have implied second hand
hearsay and blatant propaganda to go on. Nobody has told you that they
as a bisexual feels it is a reason to cheat in itself."

No, they just imply it is easier to understand when bisexuals do it.
This to me reads as condoning a bisexual cheating. Why is it easier to
understand simply because a person is bisexual?

"You have successfully propagated the myth that cheating bisexuals (in
particular) have no reason to cheat other than being bisexual. That
puts those cheating bisexuals in a lower class to cheaters of another
sexuality, who apparently don't use their sexuality as an excuse to
cheat. That kind of cheater apparently has more 'valid reasons'?
Are you quite sure you have thought that out?"

No, I'm saying no one of any sexual orientation has any right to
cheat. If you and someone you love agree to being monogamous then,
there is no reason to cheat. It does not matter about the sexual
orientation.

"How do you manage to elect Tenni as an example of how some bisexuals
believe it is ok for bisexuals to cheat due to being bisexual, when at
the same time state that he hasn't said any such thing?

That's another boggle! You even state his completely different
opinions, yet here you are electing him as spokesperson for 'bisexual
immorality', and accusing that as why bisexuality get dragged through
the mud!"


Tenni is but one example of folks whom posit that is easier to
understand cheating by bisexuals. I am aware that is not saying they
condone it. In my view, it equivocates to condoning. This is my
opinion, my feeling, my thought and I'm aware of that.

I am not attacking tenni, nor bisexuality. I am attacking what I feel,
think and believe to be wrong, the idea of cheating. This is not about
one person, one sexual orientation. Learn to read more fully. I'm
attacking the idea or concept of cheating, not the people, or people
advocating empathy or condoning.

No one has to directly tell me that there is a sentiment on this site
that empathizes with bisexuals who cheat. If I really need that then,
tenni's last post most assuredly presents it. A sentiment is also a
feeling or thought, an idea. I dislike the idea of cheating, no matter
one's sexual orientation. Ergo, I dislike the thought or idea that it
is easier to understand and empathize with bisexuals who cheat.

Sure, I understand we're all human. I get that there are few saints
and angels. I am not saying anyone is perfect, or that I cannot accept
imperfection. I am saying this, cheating is one of the things in life
I see as not being something that's a trivial mistake. It is a rather
serious mistake. It is one I dislike by any orientation.

I suppose you feel it's all fine and dandy that a bi guy could betray
your love. "Oh, I understand why he cheated, he's bisexual. I'll
excuse him."

See my point now? You're granting special treatment to bisexuals. I
don't like that idea. Not when many fight to attain equality. If we
desire equality, we don't take special treatment, especially not for
mistakes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by drugstore cowboy

Well said, some people here like T, G, and others have posted about how it's OK for bisexual men to cheat on their partner especially if she's a woman. If they want to claim it's OK to cheat that's their choice but it shows a lack of morals and people who say it's OK to cheat or make up excuses for cheating are not the type of people like you and I who make excellent partners, stay in a long term relationship/partnership, and who should just stay single and not date or pursue a relationship with anyone since they'll just cheat.

---

Exactly, if you don't feel like being in a long term relationship then, don't engage in one. I wanted to get married when I was 28, felt it was time to actually settle down. My wife whom married me, she faced some insecurities she had for herself regarding my bisexuality. I asked her once if we could be open. She said she needed time to consider it. It took her five years to finally decide that we could be open. In that time I had been hit on a few times but had not acted in response, I was married and I did/do not cheat.

Even now, I do not cheat. I tell her if I'm going to spend time with elian. We make schedule arrangements. Unfortunately, elian has been rather busy lately. I'm hoping to soon have my wife ship me out to spend a week with him. :) But this falls aside from scheduling. "Life, it's what happens while your busy making other plans." -- Lennon

And if she wants to go out with a guy, she does. The point being we communicate with one another. There are no secrets, no betraying of trust, love. Yes, I love elian. Me and he are not exactly exclusive. He's free to see others as he will. I don't get jealous. I just love. :) Sometimes I feign jealousy. But most often both elian and my wife just laugh at me for knowing better. I choose for myself to remain faithful to my wife, and elian.

I do not cheat on either one of them. In my opinion they are both as close to perfect folks as I desire, need. I know that they both would not mind if I found another guy to see. I would let them both know, of course, and be safe as well. But I have no desire for anyone else, and that's my choice. I do not force my choice on either of them. They are both capable adults whom I respect and love. We don't cheat. There's no reason to. She's straight, I think elian is more homosexual than he lets on, though I'll defer to him as bisexual. My wife says I'm more homosexual than I let on too, but I'm for sure about being bisexual. *lol*

But yes, if you don't want long term, don't get into it. And it doesn't matter about your sexual orientation.