married ppl?

well it just seems to me that many of the ppl on this sight are married, so i was just wondering for those of you who are what does your parner think of you being bi? are they bi as well, do they enjoy to watch or join in? well i was talking to my friend on the phone she is ingadged to get married but is still interested in me and is still trying to talk her fiance into leting her have sex with me (i evan preposed a 3sum we'll see how that works out). anyway when i told her i was bi she was realy exited and a little turned on which is just one reason why i love her soo much. and i was just curious how other ppls partners feel about them being bi?

A lot of us are married, but sadly it seems that many of the males are not as accepted as the females. Sometimes (in both genders) people find the thought provacative, however when it actually occurs, it is found to be threatening. Those of us who are in a relationship that our spouse knows and accepts who we are, are fortunate. It isn't always easy, but what is? Many times the reason the spouse is against it or does not understand is because they feel as if the are inadequate or will be replaced. When initially approaching the subject honesty is not a lost cause,although starting gradually when disclosing information, may be better than dumping something new into their lap. Again, everyone is different, if they are in a strong relationship, both parties (ideally) should understand what the best way to communicate with one another is. Some will accept and understand, others will take some time, and some wont. Good luck to all.

It's very sad that in a married or even relationship, the bisexual girls are always welcomed but the bisexual guys are frowned upon and mostly not understood or allowed to act out their fantasies and desires.

Guess it's more a general society acceptance thing more than anything else. I'm married, bi and my hubby is straight. But, he has no problem with other married couples where the reverse is true or both are bi.
Most men though - even in the swinging scene where all are considered openminded, the straight men are very wary and even scared of the bi men.

it's stupid!! :wiggle2:

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Originally Posted by 24play

the bisexual girls are always welcomed but the bisexual guys are frowned upon

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wow, others have noticed that too?why is that? i have always hated it, its a good thing when gurls are bi or lesbians but not when guys are bi or gay. i have never understood this, just one more thing that proves men and women arnt treated equaly, somting i have been saying for years but every one sais isnt try, and yet more proof.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by spamer-man

well it just seems to me that many of the ppl on this sight are married, so i was just wondering for those of you who are what does your parner think of you being bi? are they bi as well, do they enjoy to watch or join in? well i was talking to my friend on the phone she is ingadged to get married but is still interested in me and is still trying to talk her fiance into leting her have sex with me (i evan preposed a 3sum we'll see how that works out). anyway when i told her i was bi she was realy exited and a little turned on which is just one reason why i love her soo much. and i was just curious how other ppls partners feel about them being bi?

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Hey spamer-man,

Well i am married and my hubby loves the fact that i am bi. I told him right before we got married. He was a little freaked at first but when i mentioned the FUN possibilities, he warmed up to it and has loved it ever since. He also realized in the midst of it all that he is bi-curious. So we have lot's of fun now.

Well, I'm a str8 female in a committed relationship with a bi male. Yes, there does seem to be a certain prejudice against bi men. My partner hasn't "come out" in general, and it took him awhile to "come out" to me. I was very surprised because in the first place, I really knew nothing about bi people. My daughter had told me she had several bi friends at school, but that was the only thing I "knew" about bi.
I began to suspect that his orientation wasn't hetero when we had a m/m/f experience. He seemed to enjoy it a lot. I was afraid to ask him any questions about it so I let things sit for a few months before I said anything about it. It was really hard for me to approach the subject. I knew I loved him and my feelings weren't going to be changed by his orientation, but I just didn't understand it. I wasn't sure if I was enough to satisfy him. During this time, he was telling me that I was "bi-curious", even tho I have never had an interest in women. When I finally learned his orientation, it wasn't really a big deal for me. It was more a relief to finally know.
The one irony is that because he has come out to me, I have felt like I have to defend my own sexuality to him. Finally this weekend, I pressed the issue, telling him I'm NOT bi-curious or bi. PERIOD. Could he accept that? Could he acept it if we never do a f/f/m 3some? It's something he's really wanted to try with me. He told me it's OK with him if we don't pursue it.
I find that I do feel somewhat isolated because he is bi and there's nobody I can talk to about it. He has encouraged me to talk to my hairdresser about our m/m/f experiences, but this isn't something you talk about to just anybody! Amongst other things, I don't want to sound like a "slut" or whatever. Also, I feel like if I start talking about these m/m/f encounters, that it also opens the door to end up revealing he is bi and I don't want to "out" him when he hasn't chosen to out himself.
I really appreciate this site because I am able to ask questions and talk a bit about our experiences without being judged. It does seem funny though that I have had to seek acceptance for being str8, which is theoretically the societal norm.
I sympathize with married couples and with any couple facing these issues. It is difficult when one partner is str8 and the other gay or bi. We face different issues than bi couples, str8 couples and gay couples. In an odd way, it seems it would be easier for my partner to be accepted by society in general if he were gay rather than bi. My biggest "problem" with him being bi is the insecurity I feel occasionally when we go somewhere and I wonder who he is attracted to. I don't have the luxury of thinking he's just attracted to other women or just to other men. He could be attracted to anyone. I finally realized though that just because he is attracted to someone doesn't mean he is going to act on those feelings. He's just as capable of being committed to me as I am of being faithful to him.
The way we manage to keep ourselves satisfied is to occasionally do the m/m/f (or m/m/m/f) scene. It seems to work for us. I'm not emotionally attached to the other men and neither is he. It's purely physical. Now, if I were to develop an emotional attachment to another man, or if he did, then it would be a totally different story. When it's just the 2 of us, we are both creative and willing to explore our sexuality together. It's never boring. He is, by far, the best partner I've ever had. When we do the m/m/f thing, his focus is on my pleasure (I swear he seems to get more pleasure out of seeing me pleased than out of his own), and I am focused on his pleasure (which means that I need to enjoy the experience because if I'm not enjoying it, he won't either). We set boundaries for our relationship and we both observe those boundaries.
The important thing is that a couple, regardless of their marital status, respect one another's sexuality, set boundaries and observe them. The focus ought to be on having a loving relationship, regardless of our sexual orientation. Honest communication needs to be at the heart of the relationship. :2cents:

I was married to man for 8+ years thet knew I was Bisexual when we started dating,(I was dating a woman when he met me), and was too jealous to let me "Play" with women. I guess he was afriad of the competition (hee hee).
Anyway, our marriage ultimately ended, nto because he wouldnt let me play only, there was other issues, but it was definately one of the factors. I appluad married couples who are open enough with each other to allow thier Bisexual partner to explore that aspect of thier sexuality.

Well, knowing from experience, I have to agree with Darkangel. I am Bi-curious but never had the nerve to actually seek out a male partner. I got married to a woman that I thought I could tell anything to. After being married for 3 months, I started telling her about my bisexual fantasies and she freaked out about it. She felt like I told her she wasn’t good enough for me, which wasn’t the case at all, but our marriage ended right then and there. After spending some time in several chat rooms, I ran across 2 other women that found out their husbands were bi or had male lovers and also left their marriages.

On the other side of the coin, I have started a new relationship with an open minded woman. I was honest and more open with her before I met her in person to tell her about my fantasies and let her decide if she wanted to go any further with the relationship. She also has fantasies about letting another woman go down on her or be with 2 guys at the same time (one that could cover both of our fantasies).

Either way, it’s a difficult subject to confront your partner with. I guess it depends on the persons past exposure, as to how they would react to your openness. My girlfriend and I have talked about our fantasies on several occasions and she seems to be more interested in watching me with another man than joining in, but I want her to be a part of the action too. If every man’s fantasy is to be with 2 women, and every womans fantasy is to be with 2 men, then I don’t see a problem with everyone enjoying themselves to a little switch hitting action to cover any and all fantasies.

We haven’t started looking for a 3rd partner or another bi-couple to fulfill our fantasies yet, but its still on the table. I guess we both need to work on getting the nerve up and develop enough trust between each other before going through with it. Then there is the problem with finding that 3rd or couple, for a no strings; what ever happens, happens fling w/o anyone being upset if nothing happens at all. Or if we did go through with it, what if one of us liked it a lot and wanted to do it again? Would either of us be ok with it and still remain a couple? Those are the things we have to work out between us and our relationship under curiosities to be explored.
:2cents:

Hearing all the folks, expecially males, say their partner doesn't know about their bi side i sometimes wonder about their relationships. Being bi is a part of them and you would expect to be able to be totally honest with your partner, they should love you unconditionally. Admittedly our society has made it more difficult for the bi men to be open about it, but at least one would think you could be open with your partner.

Only recently got married so i have no long term input, but i did indeed let him know about my bi past before we married, and no he isn't bi.

Well, here I am with my :2cents: again. . .
I am NOT married (yet) to my bi male partner. We're talking about it. We had our most open conversation about his sexuality the other night. I finally told him of the mental adjustments I have had to make while dating him. When we first started dating, it was pretty strange anyhow. We'd been friends for 17 years and the day we started dating, I let him know that my family had let me know it'd be OK with them if I married him. Their comments had come from out of left field because I'd never considered dating him, much less marrying him. Still, we were spending a LOT of time together and I enjoyed being with him very much. After I told him what my family had said, he gave me a long list of reasons why we couldn't date, and it was basically summed up as a matter of him being afraid that if we dated, we'd mess up a perfectly good friendship. Of course, he then proceeded to totally throw caution to the wind when he was leaving. He gave me a goodnight kiss that curled my toes and had me ready to run to the bedroom with him. We didn't do anything other than kiss that night, but oh my gosh, he's a darned good kisser. I turned to jello.
A few weeks later, we went to a bar and one of his friends (a woman) hit on me in the restroom and suggested we all get together for sex. I said we weren't into that. When I told him about it, he started talking to me about mmf. I was really naive, so I just had to ask how in the heck that worked. Two guys, one woman? No jealousy? No rivalry? Well, he didn't TELL me how it worked, we just DID an mmf. Of course, it was after that MMF experience that I began wondering about his orientation. I didn't have a framework in my mind for bi, so I was pretty darned puzzled because he'd been quite interested in the other man, but I couldn't bring myself to label him as gay. So what in the heck was he? And it took awhile before I finally talked to him about it.
As a str8 woman in a committed relationship with a bi man, I can tell you, it has been interesting. I had to deal with the jealousy, the fear that when we walked into a room he could be interested in ANYBODY, regardless of gender. It took awhile to get over that. I also had to get past the notion that because he was bi, he couldn't possibly be satisfied with just me. That also took awhile.
We went clubbing Saturday night and for the first time, I met a woman who was attractive to me. That really surprised me. (See my post about the beginning of my first bi experience.) She made it clear she was attracted to me. (She is also a swinger.) We talked for a couple of hours on & off, and I let her know I am str8 and had never been with a woman. She said not to do anything that made me uncomfortable. She was really quite nice and quite attractive. We did end up kissing a few times, and a couple of times it was specifically so that my bf would see it. We're getting together in a couple of weeks for an m/m/f/f encounter & I am already very excited about it. I'm already mentally shopping for "the perfect outfit" and will hopefully get to do some shopping this week. . .
So what do I think since I'm dating a bi male? Well, it's just part of who he is. It took me awhile, but I finally realized that he is my friend first and foremost and everything else just fell in line after that. I figured out that he would not want to lose my friendship so he's not going to cheat on me. I'm not saying I fully understand how he could be attracted to a man (or men), but then I don't understand how I was attacted to this woman either. Well, she did have quite the friendly personality and she is physically attractive. Anyhow, I've concluded that if we can just accept that our partner may be attracted to either men or women (or both at the same time), then the relationship can work. I'm not saying we're always going to understand, but we can still love our partners.
Gayle

There is no possible way I could ever let my wife even suspect that I was bicurious, much less bisexual. She once found a bisexual link on my computer and threatened to leave me. I lied and convinced her that I was looking for bisexual woman.

I would rather leave my bi side a secret.

I'm new here...this is a great place...first post!

I have a different experience...I've been married almost 12 years now. I'm very bi-curious (and it seems the curiosity keeps building and building). On May 14th of this year, extremely nervously, I told my wife about my curiosity. She was very accepting of it and is allowing me to explore that side of myself. I was very surprised by this but love her even more because of it! I feel like one of the luckiest people around to have someone like this in my life.

Took a while to read all the posts.

I can say that of those that reply that their girlfriends or wives actually approaved or encouraged, you are all very very lucky. Of the rest of us, just like Johny, some things are just to Taboo to even aproach the subject.

Just like Zoe said, coming out as bi is the same thing as saying you are gay!

Although it may be hip to have a lesbian lover to have an MM affair is all but hip.

DM

Well, I gotta admit after a lot of thought & reading other posts, it has to be harder for a man to admit he's bi than for a woman. I guess that's in part because it is somehow acceptable to fantasize about 2 women being together (face it, men fantasize about this all the time --- at least my bf's all told me about it) --- but not about 2 men being together.
In an ideal world, we could be who we are (bi, str8, gay/lesbian, whatever) and not worry about it. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world. For those of you who have to remain in the closet (or lose your mate), you have my sympathies!
Gayle

We really enjoyed reading about this topic. It is fascinating to see the different combinations of relationships where one is str8 and one is bi. I think we are pretty unusual, in that we are both equally bi curious. We have been together 7 years and we have opened up to each other more sexually over the last few years, and have tried and experiemented in ways we never did before in our past. We have not actually had a bi experience yet, but we are interested. We want to find another couple who is like minded, and for us being new to this it is important to get to know the other couple too, not just a one night stand situation. We are very attracted to a couple who we are great friends with and we know they have had m/f/f and m/f/m/f experiences, but always hooking up in a bar and never seeing the other woman/couple again. Overall, we feel very blessed that we are on equal ground with each other and open about our feelings and fantasies. We can say anything to each other without fear.

I am on this site because i got married last year to my soulmate but couldn't help noticing his low sex drive and then I found out accidently on the computer that he is bi! It's fine to be bi and tell your prospective spouse BEFORE you get married but if you do it after you get married I think it's rough. I've had such a hard time dealing with this and he still won't even admit it. Constand denials all the time. Yes i'm jealous, I can't stand the thought of sharing him with ANYONE - sorry but that's the way I feel.
Hope all works out for you guys.

Alice, first let me express my sympathy to you for having discovered your husband is bi after you got married. That is undoubtedly rough. But, that being said, I want to address your thought that you don't want to share your husband with anyone. Just because your husband is bi, it DOES NOT mean that you have to share him. Bi people are just as capable of having a monogamous relationship as straight or gay/lesbian. Of course, they are just as capable of cheating as straight people.
I am a straight woman in a relationship with a bi male. Of course, recently there has been a question of whether or not I'm truly straight since I have found 1 woman (in all of my 39 years) to be attractive. (But that's a matter for another time & place. . .)
When I first learned he was bi, it was part relief and part stressful. We had had a couple of mmf encounters and, because of those, I had concluded he was attracted to men. I didn't know what to make of it because I knew nothing about bisexuality, in fact, I didn't know it existed. To me, the world had two sexual orientations: straight or gay. There were no other --- shall we say --- flavors. Also, coming from a religious background (and being active in my church to boot), his sexual orientation (whatever it happened to be) was slamming against my beliefs. I really had to think things over, figuring out not only what did his attraction to other men mean for me, but also what it meant for us as a couple.
I struggled with issues such as questioning whether or not he could be happy in a monogamous relationship (except for our shared mmf experiences); could he be happy with a woman (any woman, not necessarily me); and could I accept that he enjoys sexual activities with other men. If he arrived late for a date, I would always wonder if he was spending time with another man. Walking into a bar or store (or basically any public place), I always wondered who he was attracted to (assuming he'd be attracted to someone in addition to me).
Alice, I've been dating my bf for 10 months today. When he told me he was bi, the only relief I found in it was that he wasn't gay. At least it told me he was definitely interested in women too. He'd told me that, but hey, I was feeling pretty darned insecure because I had so many unspoken questions.
You do not have to share your husband. Honestly discuss the matter with him. Tell him your fears and insecurities. Let him know you love HIM. I know this will be hard at first, but try to separate your feelings over his being bi from your feelings for him. Obviously you love him. Focus on that. Let love be your motivation as you talk to him. Try to truly listen to what he is saying (and he might not say much at first). Let him know you are willing to listen to him, anyplace, anytime. Be supportive of him. I KNOW that will be hard because you probably feel betrayed because you have found out he is bi. Still, if you can be motivated by love and let your love for him show through, over time you can work your way through this. It will not be easy because damage has been done to your relationship (because now you have trust issues), but your relationship can heal, flourish and grow.
If you need to talk to someone, do so. You can find counselors for this. Also, on this site, you will find much support, just as I have. You can also write me privately if you wish.
Gayle

I am not married, but I might as well be. Me and my bf have been together for almost nine years. We have three kids together and are very secure in our relationship. I guess that is why the bi thing is definitely not a problem for us. He is straight, btw. He actually was the one who first introduced me to the lifestyle. We had been together about two years and one night he brought a friend (female) of his home. He said he wanted to try a threesome I liked it so much I had to do it over and over :) . I think I had actually been waiting and yearning for that sort of thing. It all felt so natural and wonderful. He understands that is a part of who I am. Besides he loves the fact that he can check out women with me. Sometimes I stare more than him. We have also tried MMF threesomes before. He never does anything with the m just watches me and him. That one (suprisingly) is more for him. I don't really get into other guys as much as girls. But I believe that for a couple to do anything like that you have to be very secure in your relationship and have a lot of trust. We each know that we are not going to leave each other for the current new addition in bed.

Sadly my sexlife with my wife has lost its sparkle and I'm just not getting the satisfaction I want sexually and I'm compelled to explore those dark naughty bisexual desires. That its clandestine adds to the excitement. I think there's many men in my situation, but most (like me) would rather hold onto the other marriage securities. We'll see if I get the courage to act on my desires

Hi, I'm not married yet to my bf but he's the one that helped me realize that I am bi. He watched me for about 4 months around one of my female friends and pointed out that my behavior was bisexual. He loves the idea that I am bi. I came out with it after he asked a few questions. Then since then we told my family and his. We have been together for 6 1/2 years now. We have been looking for a woman to join us but people in my community do not like to come out of the closet. But he has been there for me all the way.

im strate she is bicurious like the idea of trying m/f/f but dont know if i could handle the m/f/m thing .She really wants to try it but i am very insecure in that matter. That is why we signed up herre i am willing to do anything to make her happy so i guess i am warming up to the idea . Does anyone have any suggestions?

Cowboy,
We could probably help you more if we knew what about mmf bothers you. Do you think that mmf means that you and he will be required to have sex with one another? Do you think you'll have to perform oral sex on one another? Or are you unsure you can share your lady with another man?
If you can look at mmf as being all about the ladies' pleasure, about seeing that she is satisfied and gets what she wants, and focus less on the fact there's another guy involved, it might be a little easier. If you can view it as the two of you being teammates in making her smile, then it might be easier. Find out exactly what it is that your lady wants in an mmf encounter, then decide if you can handle it. If it's something you are uncomfortable with, you probably shouldn't do it. Talk openly and honestly with your lady about her desires and yours. I'm sure you can find something that will satisfy both of you, even if this particular fantasy is one that merely remains in the fantasy realm and never becomes a reality.
Also, are you concerned that she might enjoy the other man's attentions more than she enjoys yours? If she is like me (I've done a few mmf's and i'm the f part of the equation), she can make a distinction between sex (as in the mmf encounter) and making love with you. She may well view the other guy as being unimportant, have no emotional investment in him, but just want to know what it'd be like to be with 2 men at the same time. I approached it as an intellectual exercise, wondering how it "worked."
Anyhow, if you can clarify what your concerns are, I'm sure somebody here will have good advice for you.
Best wishes,
Gayle

gayle ty for your post and we have done as you suggested , it was as you thought my concerns with sharing my wife with another man but i have decided to go ahead with it and fullfill her largest fantacy. She is a little scared how i will responed during the act .she is also alittle leiry on how to intiate sex with 2 men as this will be her first m/m/f . should we as the men intiate everything or does she start it that is the question of the hour now.

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Originally Posted by darkangel

A lot of us are married, but sadly it seems that many of the males are not as accepted as the females. Sometimes (in both genders) people find the thought provacative, however when it actually occurs, it is found to be threatening. Those of us who are in a relationship that our spouse knows and accepts who we are, are fortunate. It isn't always easy, but what is? Many times the reason the spouse is against it or does not understand is because they feel as if the are inadequate or will be replaced. When initially approaching the subject honesty is not a lost cause,although starting gradually when disclosing information, may be better than dumping something new into their lap. Again, everyone is different, if they are in a strong relationship, both parties (ideally) should understand what the best way to communicate with one another is. Some will accept and understand, others will take some time, and some wont. Good luck to all.

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i wanted to quote from eveyone, but hey you just read it .
we all know it very hard to come out to your partner.
but to enjoy life you must
yes he/she might say f-off get out now, or hun thats so cool

but if they love you they will listen.
will they feel inadequate,jealous,mad,or happy, horny and hungry.....
i dont know .
all iknow is that after 17 years of marriage i get inadequate,happy,jealous,horny,mad,hungry..all on the same day..
if your open with your partner all will work out
,

I've been married 26 years and only over the past 4-5 was i bi-curious. My wife does not know and i'm sure would freak out if i told her! I was lucky enough to be with one couple as a 3-some. After giving the M half a massage i (we) masterbated him. Thats when i knew i wanted to take it a step further.

It is frustrating as others have said the the males are looked on soo much differently than the gals. It's almost a badge of honor to be a Bi Gal but.. not a guy. It's nice to bump into this site. This is my first post but there will be more.

Cowboy,
I don't know that there are any hard & fast rules (no puns intended!) on a first time mmf experience. What I can tell you is based on my own personal experience. My first mmf occurred after I got drunk and asked my bf (who is bi) how a mmf worked. I figured there'd be jealousy and whatnot, plus I could not figure out the physical logistics of it. Instead of explaining it to me, he showed me.
First off, before any mmf (mmmf, etc.) encounter, I must be comfortable with the new playmate(s). If I don't like something about them (it might be their appearance, something in the way they carry themselves, whatever), then it is an immediate NO GO. Now, assuming we've found a playmate that my bf & I both agree on, we will go to a hotel. While I make myself more comfortable in the ladies room, my bf will check the guy(s) out further. He will explain our rules to them (such as I will not kiss them, no anal, etc.), and he will make sure they do not have weapons. If they do not agree with our rules, they are immediately sent packing.
I come out of the ladies room and make myself comfortable on the bed and generally have a drink. There's usually a little small talk, then my bf and I start making out. At some point, he will invite our new friend(s) to join in. Usually they strip while we're making out, usually down to their briefs, but sometimes entirely. From there, we just kinda let things flow. I ALWAYS have the right to say NO to any act, and NO always means NO. We do not permit anyone to question my right to say no. If they want to push it, OUT THE DOOR THEY GO.
In my experience, the mmf encounters (at least with straight males) are primarily focused on my pleasure. The guys want to please me. They're generally smart enough to know that if I am being pleased, they are likely to get their chance to cum.
Anyhow, I wish you luck Cowboy. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with or you will likely regret it. Personally, I'd rather regret NOT doing/trying something sexually than to regret something that I DID do. Chances are, I'll get another chance to do something I passed up on previously, but I will never be able to undo the past.

i wish i was gayle
lol

Wow, lots of interesting posts. I really liked getting the female perspective on their men being bi. I have been married many years, and have only gained the courage to accept my bi-self very recently, of course it has always been there... but I have always tried to ignore it. This means that I did not have the opportunity of telling this to my partner before marriage, which I surely would have done had I known more about myself at the time.

Now I have kids that I love very much, and am terrified to confess my desires to my wife for fear of losing them. My wife has threatened to leave me on the spot if I ever had an affair with another woman, imagine if she knew I wanted to be with another man (ouch!). So on one hand, I have these desires that seem to get stronger every day, on the other hand I know the risk of disaster is very high. Here are my choices as I see it, I can either do nothing and continue to be miserable and sexually frustrated, or I could cheat and be guilty, or I could confess and risk everything we've built for 18 years.

I know it sounds wonderful to confess and have my partner support me, but realistically I know the odds of that happening are slim. There are no easy answers for me and I'm sure many of you may have similar issues... I guess I just want to confess to somebody, thanks for listening :male:

This post intersted me, the impact of your sexuality in a relationship. I am a bisexual female in a loving long term relationship with a man. It took me a long time to admit my sexuality to myself and i feel i have explored it. I have had a relationship with a woman and tried FFM. thing is i now feel like a bisexual female in retirement. I love my partner and have no desire to be with anyone else (which is how it should be). I still find women attractive but have no need to act on it at all. Thing is my partner , who i have been honest with about my sexuality from the start, has all the usual male fatasies and my sexuality makes these more feasible in his head. What i think i want to know has anyone been in a similar situation?

Well me and my husband have been togather for 8 years we are both bi and i told him 6 months after we got togather but he did not tell me he was bi for 2 1/2 years and just last summer he told me he had been with another man and that it had been going on for 3 years but the hole thing with us is that i tell him everything and he lied for that long but i have learnd to get past the point of feeling like i am about to losse him to a man and he has fianily learnd to trust me with anothe partner so our marriage has grown a lot stronger and we have had many good times togather cents we have learnd to live with us both being bi hope my massage helps u some
\

Excellent thread... most noticeably because of the honest input from our little network of people in here who in some ways are much like each other. I really like being a part of this site, and feel a lot stronger as a person simply through learning more about all of you.

So here's the thing. I'm on the M side of the equation, and living proof of the slant toward F being more acceptably bi than M. I am absolutely fine with my wife wanting to explore anything about her sexuality. That includes (I believe... only real experience would prove it) things that don't involve me. Put simply... I want her to experience absolute ecstasy, pleasure, fun... growth. You name it! If there's anything I might do to help, just say the word. I think sexuality is a wonderful gift to be explored and enjoyed.

But on the other side of the coin... although she loves me deeply, and wants to make me happy, she also has years of social conditioning making her FEEL that my bisexuality is simply wrong. I can't fault her on this belief... and I don't think I have a right to expect her to change. I disagree with her... but will respect and defend to the death her right to her opinion.

So here I sit in a conundrum much like a lot of you (guys especially from these posts it seems)... there's something I want to explore, and feel a growing need to investigate and experience, conflicting directly with my love for, and sense of obligation to 'do the right thing' by, my other half.

I tend to gravitate between two extremes... on the one hand believing I can simply suppress my wants (or are they needs?) as a lower priority to the commitment to my marriage, responsibility as a parent, avoidance of conflict... and on the other hand a feeling of reckless rebellion against 'rules of behaviour' I simply don't agree with. I'm bi... to hell with what the world thinks. Why can't I be... ME!

This weekend, I'm going to meet up with a man I've met on this site. I think we've got a lot in common and are looking for the very same thing. We're meeting with a pretty specific agenda. I've got the opportunity to 'dispell the myth' that this is not just a horny fantasy playing over and over in my head... and it is going to be easy for me to simply keep the experience to myself, no matter what happens.

But the real question here is this... do I want to be the person my wife wants me to be... or the one I want to be? If the other half of a relationship isn't happy with the idea of bisexuality (as Gayle says... not easily satisfied by only one person)... what is more important: The signifiant other's feelings, or 'being' one's true self?

I think those of you above who have claimed to want to stay in the closet for the sake of others have some good news and some bad news coming...

Good news... you are beautiful people, deeply and privately sacrificing self for the love of others.

Bad news... to yourself... you are slowly becoming ugly, because of something you're keeping inside that 'isn't acceptable'.

In my personal opinion... I think the hidden stuff is eventually going to start tainting the beautiful. Make sure you make the right decision for the long run. After all... you only live once... apparently.

If you think I've got this wrong, and shouldn't go through with what I'm planning and fantasising and getting quite excited about... please say so. I don't have a monopoly on being right all the time... but from where I'm looking... something as profoundly personal as your sexuality should not be put aside for others. It will eventually come back to haunt you.

Carpe Diem.

Sorry for long post... Gayle got my fingers going :-)

Carpe Diem.. seize the day.. and that's so true TicTac !

Personally, I don't believe that anyone should sacrifice anything as important as their sexuality, for a partner. I think too, that it is unbelievably selfish for the partner to give an ultimatum !

On the other hand, it is unfair of a bi or bi-curious person not to level with a potential partner when it gets to the stage of shall we move in together/get married/have kids. In my view, that's dishonest.

Often though, people commit in a relationship and then years later, when they are more mature and know themselves better, bi-curious feelings come to the fore. Then, it's not clear cut if there are kids for example.

That's when I wish there was a real strong bi community with bisexual-specific support groups who could really educate society and partners about bisexuality. That it's not a sit on the fence thing. That bisexuals aren't necessarily If It Moves Bonk It types. It must be really really tough for a partner to suddenly to have to deal with bisexuality. So anything that helped would be good. There just doesn't seem to be much out there.

Hey Tic Tac,

Good luck with your new experience, I hope it works out well for you, and let the 'beautiful you' come out!

Bi-ten :bipride:

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Originally Posted by BiCurious John

There is no possible way I could ever let my wife even suspect that I was bicurious, much less bisexual. She once found a bisexual link on my computer and threatened to leave me. I lied and convinced her that I was looking for bisexual woman.

I would rather leave my bi side a secret.

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I know how it is being married and bi. I did tell my wife and it wasnt pretty. We did talk it through. I found it easier to just keep it to myself.

My husband knows that I am bi (I was in a relationship with a woman when we met), and he is fine with it, but I made a personal choice to enter into a straight, monogamous marriage.

I still fantasize, though I won't act on it. The internet has been a wonderful place for me to experience some of the feelings and possibilities I left behind, in a way that doesn't compromise the commitments I've made. I could live my life without those things and still be happy, but it's nice that I don't have to. :)

I think it wonderful that so many people respond to these questions, I am also amazed at the number of poor spellers!

HI Everyone -

This is new times 2... I have never posted here before and the second part of it I will get into.

I met my fiancé about 3 years ago (let me note that she is completely STR8) and we started learning about each other. I first found out that she was into Bondage and got quite excited by many of the "acts" that one can do or have done to you as part of that. That is not judgment, just statement of fact. Heck, I think some of it is quite enjoyable as well.

I showed her a video of something that excited me - in the video the gal and guy took this potion that made them change bodies... then it showed them with their spouses (making love) but not them. So the gal (in the guys body) is with the wife and the guy (in the gals body) was with the husband - but it would flash back in the movie to show their real self and the sexual acts accordingly. I was and am really turned on by what the guys were doing.

She thought it was great. Later we played with some toys and I went down on the toy - she just about lost it then and there. It took little to bring her to climax...

Well time has passed and now she is searching for men or couples to help complete my fantasy. We have done some mmf but have not been able to do everything. As someone above mentioned - she is interested in making me happy, she is just happy making me happy. If nothing happened to her and she only watched, if I was happy, so would she be. I can say the same in return - I want to make sure she has enjoyed herself as well.

I guess that is the 2nd part - she is helping me... She is Wonderful, Very Loving, Very Supportive. I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE HER.....

Let me add my own story. I am married for the second time to a wonderful woman. In my first marriage (12 yrs and 3 kids) I struggled with the ideas of sex with men. Before marriage and kids I went to a gay bath in my college town and it was a very exciting and (to this day) arousing experience.

Once I had kids, I concentrated on career, marriage and raising our kids. When I know that the marriage was dead, and my wife had told me for the 100th time that she wanted out I agreed and then had a heteosexual affair. My affair partner was a little kinky and we did a few wild things; crossdressing, use of anal butt plugs, etc. I guess that wet my whistle again.

When I dated the woman who is now my wife, I was pretty open with her about most everything. I crossdressed with her, she used a starp-on on me, we did a little bit with leather, bondage, etc. We also did all of this in a humerous fashion. I did not want to be a woman, but the CD experience could be exciting at times. We sometimes laughed until our sides were hurting when we tried a little bondage that didn't work out the way it was intended. I thought I had found the perfect mate. Not only was I in love, but she was also accepting of of my kinks. WO!!!

Well time went on and our activities became noticably tamer. While we would frequently make love in the daytime and nearly always with some light on - candles, etc. now it was always in the dark and always with me on top. Cunnilingus became taboo. She would perform oral sex on me, but not often. Some reasons were that she had put on weight (she was 99 lbs when we got married and is 120 lbs now), that my past kinkier interests were the result of sexual abstinence of a few years, her medical problems (arthritis, back pain), etc.

I think the other reason has been that her closest female friends are in marriages where there is no love and no lust.

I have told her in recent months that I am bisexual. While I have not spelled out that I want to have sex with any man, she does now know that this is how I see myself. To be 100% honest, we did not have a long conversation about it, but I did tell her.

Now having said all this, and having been a frequent voyeur to www.ThreePillows.com and other internet sites, as well as reading all sorts of wonderful and horrible stories on www.Literotica.com, www.AASTR.org and www.fictionmania.com and having corresponded with many folks about this, I am very reluctant to go outside my marriage to have any sort of sexual encounter with anyone, or any couple.

It does not have to do with her. It has to do with me. I belive that I entered into a contract with my wife. The details of that contract are that we would be faithful to one another. It does not matter that things have changed - either in her preferences or in mine. Now this is for me, and I am not preaching to anyone about what they should or should not do, but I believe that my sexuality is not primary to everything else in life. My sexual preferences do not dictate my behaviors, especially with a marriage at stake. If I have to go through the rest of my life, never having sex with a man because to do so would be to jepordize my marriage, then I am happy to abstain. For me, it's what head do I do my thinking with - the big one (between my legs) or the little one (on my shoulders)? [Sorry, my attemtp at a little humor].

Sex is very important to me. But my view of myself is that I am a whole person - with feelings, drives, intelligence, intuition, values, etc. So I guess I'll miss out on M2M orgasms. But I'll continue to have a life partner who trusts me as I trust her.

Did I sound too preachy? If so, sorry.

Mike

Well, well, well!

Very interesting posts. gayle, stop making yours so long...damn! :tongue:

No, but seriously, I am a female who was primed by society also. I keep thinking if my husband told me he was bi how I would feel. And quite frankly I think I would be nauseous. I am a youngster, too, so that is quite surprising to even me. Plus, I am a deep down feminist as far as society's taboos but what can I say...it's in there.

My husband and I are looking for our first FMF experience. I was trying to suppress my desires of wanting to be with a female, also. I feel that it is usually a raunchy situation and now every female is bi it seems. Bisexuality is becoming like those fur moccassins every one is wearing with skirts! It is considered cute. But I am not interested in being with a female...only playing with one. I love my husband and I cannot possibly describe the feelings he gives to me in bed but I wanted to give him this gift as well as myself to see if I am really bi or just "freaky". And I really do feel that I am just freaky.

I wish that society was different in some ways, also but the thought of seeing my husband giving it to a man is too much to take. Truly. But to those of you who are totally accepting...get ur game on-go play!

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Originally Posted by Johnny Dollar

I'm new here...this is a great place...first post!

I have a different experience...I've been married almost 12 years now. I'm very bi-curious (and it seems the curiosity keeps building and building). On May 14th of this year, extremely nervously, I told my wife about my curiosity. She was very accepting of it and is allowing me to explore that side of myself. I was very surprised by this but love her even more because of it! I feel like one of the luckiest people around to have someone like this in my life.

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Johhny Dollar...Seems like you and I are lucky. My wife of too many years has known about my bi-side but does not join in. My lover has tried to get her to join us but its a no go. They get along great. Wish more relationships were like mine... :bipride: