Why do guys back out or pull a no show?

I have a theory. (See the smoke coming out of my ears?) I'm BI not GAY. I'm NOT OUT to anyone who KNOWS me. I don'y want to be recognized in public. Not that a guy will come running up to you expressing his gratitude for such an extraordinary blowjob in the men's room, more like a nod hat maybe your OTHER friends may see. I like to keep private. I tend to get more excited sucking a strange cock, after meeting a stranger and playing the game until he cums in my mouth. I DO think that gloryholes are exciting though dangerous nowadays. I guess it's the notion that you meet, you suck and will never see again. Names are never exchanged and if they are, they aren't the real ones.

I just think that for the most part...cocksuckers want to remain anonymous, that wonderful mouth in the shadows.

What do you think?

personally, I dont do meet and blows, not my thing. But, I think some guys back out, because if its your first time, there is a fear factor. will you do it right, are you really going to do it

So I can understand. Hell, you know how long it was until someone saw me in female clothes ? years and years

Lots of reasons: Fear of discovery (mostly), having seconds thoughts (pretty common), bad planning on their part which can include not being able to come up with a good excuse for going out - and if the guy has to provide an excuse. Some guys are all about the thrill of the hunt - talking the talk... but ain't gonna walk the walk. I think that if cock suckers, in particular, just wanna remain anonymous, well, that's kinda easy; use your Secret Squirrel abilities, show up wherever you're supposed to incognito and unseen, "sneak" in, do the deed, "sneak" out, home again (or wherever you're supposed to be). Except, in reality, it's not really that easy since when you're out and about, you never really know who might see you; you don't really know about anyone who might know of you... but you don't know them. Stuff like that.

And then... shit happens and when you don't want it to. Something really does come up at the last minute; some guys are so excited to get some dick that they might forget they had some other thing they had to do at the time the meet was set up for. This is one of the things that gives male bisexuality a very bad name and how even a guy with a damned good reason for not showing up can be called a flake or a fake; even if the guy makes contact in a reasonable amount of time to say he can't make it, it's usually assumed that he's lying.

You'd think that flying under the radar would be... easier but it really isn't. A lot of guys do have a lot of fear and that fear tends to complicate things to the point where whatever plans they made just never take shape. Are glory holes dangerous? The only thing that makes it so is that you don't know shit about the guy on the other side of the hole. Blowing a stranger? You can see him (duh) but unless you do some due diligence - and in a hurry - you don't know anything about him other than he's willing to let you suck his dick. Cultivating a connection? Good for gaining valuable information in regards to how safe it's gonna be... but there's still some stuff you don't really know like, really, where's his dick been other than in his pants? And can you really and truly believe whatever he's telling you... and is he gonna really believe whatever you're saying?

And, yes: The blow and go, at first, can sound like a great idea but on second thought? Some guys have that second thought of whether or not it's really worth all the real and imagined risks just to spend 10-15 minutes (maybe longer) to suck some dick and decide that it isn't. Flying under the radar to avoid discovery or other scrutiny is the hallmark of male bisexuality since society at large isn't of a mind to let male bisexuals be all out in the open about it. Even reading your opening statement reveals why some guys back out or no-show. No one else knows I'm into this; don't want anyone else to know; what-iffing themselves to the extreme about someone seeing them and, usually, at a time or place that they're not known to frequent or have any reason to be there - isn't he supposed to be at work? - and then being asked questions they don't want to answer. Trying to maintain very strict levels of privacy that, on the one hand, is a good thing but on the other, will mostly likely result in no dicks being sucked.

Some guys get this going on in their head and they back out. The reality is that guys back out and/or no-show for a lot of reasons and even if you were able to ask them, you may or may not get the truth and now, at least in my opinion, it's a matter of whether or not you think this is a real and serious problem to be concerned about. It just is what it's always been. I've had guys back out and/or no-show and all it means to me is that they didn't want to do this as much as they said they wanted to. I've learned that what guys really want is to do this with zero risk and zero drama... and it's not possible and at the end of my day, it doesn't really matter why they backed out or didn't show up; I was there, I was ready to hold up my end of the deal and they didn't. On to the next potential dick.

Overthinking it. I run a service business and after 25 years I have found that people do not like to say no to you. They take the easiest way out which is a promise that they can break later. It is just the current human condition. If you think people should stand behind their word then you were born in the wrong era.

Blowing someone off is disrespectful. Have your shit together, be honest.

Unfortunately, many bi guys online turn out to be dishonest, frightened, desperate, unstable, flakey, etc.

I have pretty high standards for FWBs, too high for the online crowd. I probably was born in the wrong era.

I've only backed out once (other than a scheduling conflict). I met up with a guy while I was in counseling, trying to get my marriage back together. Things weren't working and I met the guy for breakfast. We chatted and it was an ideal situation... he had a hotel near my office, was available at lunch time, before of after work, sexually compatible, similar age, etc... We arranged to meet the next morning for sex but that night I realized I needed to keep working on the marriage. I knew if I started fooling around with a guy (again) the marriage would have no chance so I emailed the guy and backed out.

most likely it's fear of rejection. Guys like the "idea" of hooking up and meeting someone, but when reality comes around, they back down. Until they get over their fear, nothing will happen for them. Unfortunately, not much will happen for you too..until someone just wants to meet you.. even just for coffee or a beer! Guys can either participate in life or sit back and watch everyone else live theirs!

I also think some guys like to window shop, chat with other guys, get aroused by the thought of meeting up with them, then masturbate and the thrill is gone.

They also ghost you, so effing rude. I stopped emailing my picture because most stop emailing at some point.

Most guys that ghost you after your hot skype session is over and they shot their load are cool for a while and you got them over the edge.Then they get some pussy from their wife or partner and are fine until the next time.Others just get the nervous jitters thus the no shows.One of my wifes lovers works with four gay guys and he has hooked me up with them and at times has gotten real interesting with some hot times.Some of those gay guys know how to use their cocks.You just never know though.

Think they get scared. I’ve canceled a few meets after realizing something didn’t “feel right”, but I always let them know.

Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to show or no-show yet.
That said, I can understand (and relate to) the risk/benefit quandary that is in the minds of all first-timers. Just like 99% of the guys on this site, I am looking forward to giving my first blow job, and tasting my man’s cum-reward. However, without the wife’s knowledge or consent, there is a hellofalot to lose for that first taste of another guy’s cum. No guy wants to hurt his wife or partner, and the internal strife / guilty conscience may be overpowering even in the best of marriages.
You guys with the knowledgeable, encouraging wives are fortunate.
My wife knows I’m “bi-ish”, but has no idea of my man-craving fantasies.
I will continue to hint for her to encourage me to “go for it”.

I hate that! Least they could do is call, text, message you if they see you. And not interested for what ever the reason. If it's looks say so. If it's they may know you, say so. If they got cold feet, say so.
I'm figuring they used someone else's pic and afraid of rejection.

You could at least connect in messages and discuss your thoughts and fantasizes. At least you won't physically do it. But get comfortable with it

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Originally Posted by Borntosuckcock

Think they get scared. I’ve canceled a few meets after realizing something didn’t “feel right”, but I always let them know.

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I am fine with this, seems few take the effort to do it

I think 99% the guys get on this to chat when they get horny and get someone to chat with to get off then they are GONE. I dont think there is any on any of these sites who has any REAL intentions of meeting any one for real. All a game! I had so many who get to chatting, emailing back and forth then suddenly, no more response. this is a very common thing.

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Originally Posted by bikurinpa

I dont think there is any on any of these sites who has any REAL intentions of meeting any one for real. All a game! I had so many who get to chatting, emailing back and forth then suddenly, no more response. this is a very common thing.

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My experience echos yours, however there are some of us who are real, and honestly want to meet and play. I'm one, and I assume that you're another! Can't say all the fakes & flakes make the wait worth the aggravation, but I'm not ready to give up, either!

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Originally Posted by SilkyHoseLover

My experience echos yours, however there are some of us who are real, and honestly want to meet and play. I'm one, and I assume that you're another! Can't say all the fakes & flakes make the wait worth the aggravation, but I'm not ready to give up, either!

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Yes - this! The flakes and fakes make getting some dick harder than it has to be... but you can't let this bother you and make you want to give up trying. Getting some dick just isn't as easy as it appears to be or, yeah, as we think it should be. It requires work and patience to weed out the flakes and fakes, the really pushy guys and, really, anyone who isn't your idea of a decent partner for sex. Once upon a time, the apps made it easier and now it's not all that easy. I'm not a quitter in this and I know when I want some dick, I'm gonna have to work to get it, whether I'm using an app or on the hunt for a like-minded guy. And even then I can find a guy I think is okay... and he still might not show up or back out, with or without an explanation. It happens. Not gonna make me give up, though.